Monday, June 29, 2009

How intuition works

Firstly welcome to another Funtrivia style refugee who has taken her full talents where they will be appreciated. And I don't mean swearing either as I didn't when I started here but having to avoid certain subjects altogether. A time and a place for everything as Mary Poppins would say. When she's got it up the wrong 'un... Ha ha.

Anyway. After making a pun hardly anyone else will understand I will stop avoiding the fact that basically sod all has happened since my last visit. I've had some time clearing my grandma's house as expected with more to come (4 bedrooms and 3 floors). I've walked round one of Britain's most dangerous areas taking photos that often look like it would have 100 years ago and earlier, and didn't go into see Ray Davies performing outdoors as it was flooded although still on an hour late. Outdoors is good but not underwater, I wasn't dressed for that as dry when I left home earlier.
My plans are even less interesting than the previous week. My achievements of late were both useful and essential but besides being able to have almost a complete sign collection in 2009, 46 years after the last were made, I still have empty freedom and at least started meditating again which always follows lack of alternatives although should still take priority.

So to digress my friend who introduced me to enlightenment became cynical although I personally listen to as many teachers as I can and concluded it can happen, and he then said I should now teach even though I'm not enlightened. If I tested myself to see if I could make it happen maybe I would but I can't even recognise it in others so not much of a teacher there. And as I follow all I know to make it happen with probably no results how do I know the power of what I'm teaching besides parroting what the rest say? I was shown a guided meditation online which had shown a flash of reality by asking what and who I am before the thoughts etc come in. The answer of course is nothing besides awareness. The rest is learnt and added to our identity after we are taught our name is who we are rather than a way to be identified by others. We don't need it ourselves as we never lose ourselves. Male and female are similar, they are aspects of our body we only become aware of when pointed out (literally) and unless we do look down we wouldn't be certain from inside.

So direct experience is the only way we can work on ourselves. The teaching strips away concepts and doubts by explaining what's going on, to leave the channels freer to let the methods work. The energy transfers a few teachers do remove the blockage in one go but they are few and far between and a bit of a luxury for most students. But without that I'll have to use my own direct experience of what is before my mind can name it.

I think the other examples of guidance before the road signs were the negative ones which stopped me suffering but didn't add anything. This was when I had a lousy arrangement and was cancelled the day before or so so I didn't have to be there. But if things can be arranged and regularly now they are not limited to any area. So my other aims have to be followed as well as the signs are near used up and unlike fame or a woman don't change my life actively. I do however want the psychic powers and/or enlightenment, partly as having a few already and lost the best one seeing auras know how much better life is with more than before. Superpowers are in every kid's story and most grow out of it, except mine was told by Uri Geller who claimed to be real. That was all I needed and I've been following it ever since with at least partial results.
Unlike enlightenment they needed no effort, my teacher got us to open our chakras (just feel they are) and go right ahead. No telling us how except with the tree auras, just do it. My intuition about people now means I am one of the few who mistrusts Barack Obama, knows Gordon Brown is working for someone else, as is Al Gore but at a much higher level. He is close to the top and has more influence than probably any other person alive, followed by Rupert Murdoch who is from the same mould but independent.

The trouble with intuition is even though these guys show others after the event I can't prove it before. Obama took a few weeks before making CO2 a pollutant which shows he was put up to win to continue the agenda in the USA after Bush refused to. He was there to make wars not to rob the public and lie to them, whatever you thought of him. And really Iraq is their problem not ours, although it adds to all our taxes we are unaware of any changes here from what's happening there, as with Afghanistan which is a stinking hole of criminals and deserves all it gets from what I've read about the drug barons who still run the country whatever we're meant to be doing there. Other areas I pick up include many laws which are there to keep the best for the elite rather than stop anything bad happening. That's about power and keeping it at the top. Obviously immoral laws that we all know now like making money from tobacco and alcohol which do no favours for anyone who actually uses them, the well recorded levels of crime in illegal and dubious immigrants (just reported this weekend, 5 times worse per person than home grown, as if that was a surprise to anyone), the fact black, blind, deaf, spastic, crippled and all other named people that have been renamed by the fully able white wankers at Camden Council despite hardly any of the supposed victims wanting their well understood labels to be changed, and every other issue and person that's blindingly obviously wrong (or sometimes right) to me but I can't bloody well prove it yet. Global warming is an interesting exception as I felt very uncertain after it didn't correspond with my reality and used propaganda methods drawn up by the SS. The truth about it is all over magazines and the internet but all media people listen to are threatened to mention the party line on whatever penalties are threatened.

The Daily Mail managed to do the opposite (although unlike the Australian left out most of the relevant data as their readers probably would have turned the page) but are absolutely right and the BBC and other government arms have not decided to report the fact none of the scare stories they tell us are true. Bits are, ice shelfs are melting, well the parts where it's summer. The others are growing. That's what ice shelves do. But the satellite data (ie not the sea level measurements they tell you) shows they are roughly the same size they were decades ago. Just one example but every point they offer can be dealt with equally. I may attempt to find out why the BBC believe this news is not worthy of reporting as it's not even opinion, it's data. What will happen in 80 years however is opinion and drives their reporting even though it's impossible to be alive when it happens to find out. That's a clue why anything else they say isn't worth hearing either.

Friday, June 26, 2009

The middle of the week/mittelschmerz

What indeed? Looking back over the times since it was impossible to see events in any other way than guidance, as the complex situation repeated itself about four times so far in case anyone thought it was a coincidence the first time. Road signs acting as signs of a greater force is a pretty direct method as well. Now once the guidance works for the good (after a very rough up and down 49 years, with more downs than ups) then maybe I needed the earlier life to become prepared for the next? And if it works to provide me with old road signs then why not all the other things I'd been missing till now? I will see.

This week is the first not seeing my grandma two evenings a week although friends use that as a reason I never see them nowadays. Well they are here now and she isn't so I put my money in the right place didn't I. I can catch up with them but never look back and get any days back I'd missed had I not gone there so often. If any vacuum is filled then I'll see how this one is, I'm working a bit the next two days to fill that space and may waste money seeing Ray Davies (Kinks) over the weekend as I don't intend to stay for more than a few numbers as I can't stick crowds. Except football crowds which somehow is so familiar I have become immune thank goodness. The friendlies start soon, I have the timetable and hope to do one or two now, after five or more in some years. You can only watch Reading and Charlton so many times without the novelty wearing off. Maybe Dagenham and Redbridge (one team that is) or even West Ham (away) again if I can get in to that one.

Having seen a long list online of people who have met celebrities realise anyone living in towns and cities can't avoid bumping into them sometimes so even meeting Elvis (or the late Michael Jackson as people are now recounting 15 minutes since it was announced) is not that unusual as they travelled all over, like the Queen I bumped into although didn't talk to her as she was in her car. So invert the pyramid and if any celebrity connections continue it would be my aim to be it rather than the other way round. Celebrity is cheaper and easier than it was but still a relative handful of people. I've been ploughing and sowing that field since I started drama classes at 14 and will keep on in case it happens. That may also pay the bills and provide the women and friends who have dropped off in the last few years.

Looking ahead (notice the change of colour for the different topic) I must let each day unfold as it comes. I can't control that much, and having been sent a slew of old signs on Monday just when everything had gone too quiet shows how that works. The nearby council said they'd paint the sign but I won't give them the location unless they tell me they won't just take it out instead as many would do. Better a mess than nothing. The one day I was free this week was the one the library was closed but that will wait. And if I see Ray Davies on Saturday that's another for the collection. A hero of old there I never thought I'd see perform. Being a mile from where he lived I can't really see me getting near the place but will see. Well that's it for now, I expect most blogs for the next few days will be about Michael Jackson but Elvis dying was the lowest point for me and that can never happen again.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Guidance and freedom

Life is getting back to normal again although minus the regular visits to grandma. I'll admit some was out of duty and she enjoyed the visits so much but I also made the most of her while I could. Tonight was the first Tuesday for as long as I can remember when I was free (besides when she was in hospital but sometimes saw her there as well) and needed a rest full stop after a hectic few weeks working and then last week's funeral related activities. Besides the worst of the gardening (more was prevented as the hedge cutters have finally had it) and a little walk it was TV most of the day and at least plenty to watch for a change, plus two cold callers I felt a religious duty to convert to being decent people. That is not a way to earn a living or create business, it's begging in the street and in a civilised country (oh, it isn't) would be included in the same laws.

Free tomorrow as well besides one late booking (I hope, unconfirmed), various little jobs I can be doing and probably will and the rest I will see. Guidance has been apparent again, and what better indication than road signs which can't be missed? I got an email yesterday evening with two locations nowhere near me I was able to get to on the way home, and got five, including two I didn't have already. So I could relax today having covered the width of London and collected a major supply of photos. I'm hoping to get a positive to paint the one I found last week as is nearby and a lot easier than the last one as two colours and my height. I can't do the library trip tomorrow as it's closed, but is on the list.

Now as the guidance is so clear then it can't just be for road signs. Besides running out if life can be arranged that tidily then it ought to work for everything now it's started. These gaps are only temporary so far and when filled in realise it's just as much as ever. Even my own hesitations and delays can't stop the direction. If I don't want to go to a woman that's suitable then she'll come to me if all is guided. Like I was shown signs when the lights turned red the delays make you look somewhere you would have missed otherwise. And when I make wrong turns I find things there as well as if made to. So if I'm being made to not visit some woman it's either as they don't want to know and I'd be wasting my time (been there, done that for 30 years) or did want me and would make the effort to come after me and prove it.

More clues on enlightenment from Youtube's teachers, whatever the route if you stick to your meditation come what may if your mind stops then you do as well. The three legged stool of Buddhism means whichever leg you lose the ego falls down, and when the mind stops it takes the ego with it. I'll keep going. I also found out this guy lives in London and although I chose not to join his school (too much work for me thanks) still learn just as much listening to his lessons.
I have a list of ambitions, raising any area to the level (some I've had and lost and others beyond) that would make me feel better. Many things could make it happen, I've missed out on hundreds of opportunities already but at least known they could have happened. The newspaper article would have been one example and very unlikely if it hadn't led to more. Any of the women who turned me down as well. Enlightenment means peace within so no old crap can get through to you, but till then it's reality first. I do realise however I've done it I have put in enough work now to earn everything I'd like to happen. I know when I get each part, even if I have no idea what form it could come in I'll know when it does. If the signs can be sent to me then so can everything else.

Saturday, June 20, 2009

It's all guided at the moment

Back again, I have to begin by announcing the death of my grandma at 99, suddenly with no current illness and all her faculties. I do see it as 49 years with a grandma rather than time without though as we both knew positive thinking and that is exactly how she handled deaths close to her, and there were many.

Life is now getting back to normal in its new form of course, after the funeral and nightly Jewish prayers that followed. I lost a lot of sleep from the related activities as we all did in the family. But as signs are given from above mine have been in road signs, and on the way out of the cemetery was one of the rarest in Britain (3 now known) as maybe her final gift to me. She believed in all of that as well so would certainly have seen it as possible.

But what I said about making plans proved correct, you can't do it and don't know what's coming till the day before at most. The guidance and synchronicity is back in full thank goodness, I told a friend about the old signs who remembered 'danger children' which I don't remember seeing. Today I went back to Radlett as a weird sign cropped up in the background of a photo and I thought I'd better check, and was just a crap home made one for a private road. I rushed back home as I had stuff to do, and while trying to catch the green light at Elstree couldn't and just spotted something in the road off the main one. I'd already passed it and didn't look familiar but as there was no one behind me reversed back and saw an old sign 'No Through Road. Danger School Children'. That one speaks for itself. If I trust the guidance everything is coming my way now at last. And even if not it's filled in some incredible spaces in my sign collection at times which just turned up in the exact spots I was in although not part of an official search. I will see.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

The ramblings of a madman

I must become better at making something out of nothing. It's good that work is now stopping me from having too much empty time, and also feel less guilty for any complete days off as I've earned them. How I make something from very little includes the creative side, writing, doing little Youtube performances, painting and whatever else comes to me. Having grown up in Finchley where both Peter Sellers and Spike Milligan lived gave me some local inspiration, although I never came across either. The Goodies and Monty Python team all lived in Hampstead and Cricklewood next door, and occasionally bumped into some of them locally although never disturbed them. Whether an area can effect our personality is unlikely (besides causing depression) but people of certain types often seem to be found in small areas. Kingsbury is no exception.

So currently there's nothing possible to look forward to in any area. Business is done, time is free outside bookings but there's little else going on. If this is a phase and life actually starts becoming exciting that is the less likely option of two, but not impossible either. I slept too badly on Friday to risk going to the library as you need your wits about you with women. I can slip that in any day except a Wednesday when they close. I never miss an opportunity to make anything happen in life but always find the big stuff comes when it wants to not because I make it happen. Like sleeping, you can go to bed but sleep comes when it chooses to. Everything else of much value is the same. You can go to every disco and party in town but meet the right one when you visit a friend.

I know it's unrealistic but I could really do with something nice happening either I hadn't worked for or put the work in ages ago and given up on. I may avoid tasks I don't like (who doesn't given the chance?) but throw myself fully into the others that are just hard work but tolerable like weightlifting. Once a task is accepted it is done fully or given up. No pissing around like most people you come across who cut corners and make mistakes and just try and get jobs out of the way as quickly as possible or try not to do them at all and make excuses. People hate it when they do it to them but still happy to when it suits them, like the late payers I know only too well. They take out summonses very quickly when anyone owes them but do exactly the same when they feel like it and hit the roof if anyone sues them. Hypocrisy is another human failing and one of the lowest.

One thing I have learnt. What is obvious to me either from experience or intuition is not common knowledge so do what I can to teach others. I work by simplifying situations and removing bad practices rather than offer new methods. It's a lot easier to stop doing something wrong and by default you are going to get whatever it is done better. We all know how to walk but it's a lot easier if our shoes are on the right feet and there aren't any weights hanging off us we don't need to carry. So remove the obstacles and the path normally opens up on its own with no new instruction.
This works for more and more situations, and for me I see similar patterns apply wherever things are wrong, but most people take no notice when you point it out anyway. I see power being abused, and half the fault is those who allow it as it's inevitable it will happen unless the victims stop it as many powerful people get carried away sooner or later. The only power I want is over myself, it is nice when my requests are accepted but that will always be by choice not by any pressure I can exert. Let the Mafia do their job and I'll go straight.

I have used 'The Secret' for about a year now, and two goals at the top of a very short list were reached, so have that as a possible reserve, in the large 'Things you don't understand but may actually work' department. I have a longer list now but must just do one or two maximum at a time or it won't be focused. Now if that kept working it would cut every corner in everyone's life, and is no less enjoyable when got the easy way after 49 years getting things the hard way. I do believe I must receive a lot of my information from another source. When I turn on I can simply write a complete proposition or poem in one go with barely a pause and it all works at the end with no alterations required. That's happened fairly recently and I think I may have just opened up that channel with practice, and something we can all do really.

Finally for those either in London or sad enough to go online to www.lbc.co.uk they've got a newsreader on recently on the late shift, Clemency Norris, who sounds like she's got a cleft palate. It's one thing having equal opportunities but just as I wouldn't choose a blind taxi driver an announcer with a bad speech impediment is not a good ad for the station. If it's a physical disability then work behind the scenes, and if not then spend your massive salary on speech therapy for a while and then come back when you've fixed it. If mynah birds can get every language and accent right then a bloody announcer can. There's another they employed at the same time who can't make the 'th' sound which is a local issue and again should either iron it out or change jobs. That is just irritating and I have no option hearing people saying 'wiv' anywhere in and around London without one being paid to do it on the radio. Accents are great but you don't learn to speak posh and launch yourself on the public before you've completed the job. I'd be far happier if they let the odd swear word out than speech defects. That would lose a few listeners and gain thousands I reckon.

"This is the ten O'clock news: Gordon Brown has fucked up his chances of winning the next election. Sir Alan Sugar has become a Lord, can any twat make it now if he can? A careless bugger has killed three people on the M6" etc. I'd certainly take more notice...

Sunday, June 14, 2009

How the guidance has worked

Having recently read that guidance does not stop just because it seems to I must continue to trust it and see it in all the smallest areas as well as largest. Like today when I had various dubious plans for an otherwise dead saturday, and slept so badly I stayed in. That allowed me to both plant the new flowers I'd been given before they died and scan more photos online as there was little else to do, and also caught up on my recorded videos besides the one last night that didn't work (Mr Ferguson say 'Record three programmes a day, we kill one. It's the law of the video'). I can't think of a day I recorded a few programmes and they all got done, it's like it becomes fed up and tells you to fuck off. And despite some programmes going on demand they aren't all.

I am just keeping up with the free time. Being let out of school or prison is the same. You feel great but not when you run out of things to do. Business may be taken care of but pleasure has different rules. I have managed to keep busy each day without knowing what I was doing the day after. I know exactly the levels I need to reach, partly the ones of the past when I lived with a family and in a more civilised area, and partly the career level of being at the top. I haven't rushed. I started drama lessons at 14, started performing at 16 in clubs and whatever else I've done have never neglected that side without being able to join the all powerful union. That is like trying to do a marathon with one leg. It is possible but will take 100 times longer than someone with two. As it has in my media career. But they didn't stop it, they just delayed it as loopholes were found and I am now seen worldwide without the need to join any acting or journalism union. It's the hard way but not impossible.

Now I need to finish what I started before I'm at retirement age, what's the point of a successful media career with too few years to exploit it? You don't get many groupies at 60 do you? Currently the media career is over as in no more projects left, but the way it works is I get a call from a producer or a journalist, we have an informal chat, some call back and do a full interview and maybe a fifth end up being used. But it's now quality rather than quantity, one national paper or terrestrial TV station is all it needs and I can do satellite stuff annually and not make a scratch on the mirror of fame. It's watched by a lot of people worldwide but very few in each country, terrestrial is all here and watched by millions who recognise you the next day in the street. Having experienced that once it's not an illusion. Five seconds on Channel4 peak time, no speaking, I was mobbed when I went to the gym. That is power. Get in the paper and old friends who'd lost track of you can all the paper and find you again, these things all link together and fill in social gaps as well as career ones.

The guidance can't just be to a normal life as that happens with none and always randomly, good and bad. Instead if guided it must have an aim and being directed to actual ambitions whatever I do in response. It's about aiming in a direction and seeing how you get there with no map. There's no direct path to fame, enlightenment or marriage. You just have to choose it and want it to happen and see how you get there. The guidance fills the links that aren't there otherwise and allows a project to be complete. The old road signs allowed me to see it work, four steps or more to get a goal and in the case of the woman at the library maybe two goals at once. And the first ever example when I had run out of signs and activities, googled old signs for 3 hours, found one, went there a different way from usual and found another on the way and a third by making a wrong turning as someone had named the wrong road which was the one I was on next to it.

The no entry sign was the same, I found speed limits in Pinner, lane directions on the way home, realised there would be an extra one, went back, took it, went home and got caught at traffic lights where the no entry sign was, but illegible as the paint had worn off. Having time to look properly (in the dark) I worked out it was too big for a new one so should have writing in and it did, offered to paint it and is now like new. No alternatives as since Pinewood Studios pulled their two out last year the only known working one in Britain is in Cornwall plus one two miles from me. Had all those steps not happened I may never have spotted it as it was totally illegible as a text sign and not somewhere I often went.

I have told both these stories already but recapped for new readers who wanted to know what I meant by guidance. One example was enough for me, two is beyond any odds in any universe. I just wonder how long it'll take and where it'll go as although I have all the signs now they only save me looking for them and don't change my life otherwise. Plus there was no response from the local papers about painting the sign so another lost media opportunity. I know where I should be guided to but although I just about trust it's always there even when nothing seems to happen I'm ready for something big now. I know the difference and it also has to be something with lasting effects, although another old sign with a red triangle would do as well.

Friday, June 12, 2009

No aliens, women or fame

Besides Big Brother being on everything is just about neutral at the moment. I've had enough work to save me trying to waste time and money driving around on my own each day except today which was just a rest day. I would have gone to Primrose Hill (they have a free outdoor gym but the parking probably costs as much) but with the Tube strike safer not to go on the roads. The last events on my list had UK Indepndence beating Labour into 3rd place in the Euro elections, the Liberals even worse being so pro-Europe. Labour are still slagging off the people's choice even though no sensible informed person wants to be robbed and ruled as if the fucking Nazis had won the war after all. That does imply they have infiltrated our governments and trying to win politically as clearly can't with the military. Pretty clear now I think. But not really my problem besides the price of petrol and gas.

But my list has again come to an end. Whatever did happen (fixing up the no entry sign and UKIP doing well) happened and nothing else did (article about no entry sign etc), and there's nothing on any system now. But I'm keeping busy enough not to take much notice at the moment. The aims are the same as usual, women, fame, enlightenment and if I'm very lucky add to my old sign collection. I've also started a Facebook group to ban road humps as Streetview revealed they are on nearly every road like chicken pox. As I say, if I could I'd line each of these councillor's wives vaginas with sandpaper so they could get some of the treatment they happily hand out to us (at our expense as well). It is cruel and absolutely pointless.

Otherwise I've been using my time making up poetry and music for Youtube which at least keeps the performing side warm. And although you can get an idea you never quite know which of 100 projects will take off. Write a quiz and 9 will get a few plays and the last 1000, and not always certain which will be that one, and then which will be the highest rated. Life is mainly the same, not the effort you put in or time you take but random elements. And I've been so busy Streetviewing (there are lots of roads in London and must cover them all) I haven't been reading blogs or much else besides upload photos and play daily quizzes as time is of the essence.
There's a steady supply of teaching on Youtube as well which said the other day it's only working like an alarm clock, each person needs a certain level to wake up. So I keep it ringing and see if any works.

So, no plans at the moment, but that's not unusual. Better than crap to do which was a lot more frequent in the past. I've blown out many of the causes of that though as they needed me more than I needed them and it's surprising how many apparent obligations we can drop with absolutely no consequences. Anyone who wanted me just for what I could do for them is better gone, and the ones who didn't don't mind if I avoid taking them places and doing other chores as I'm free.
So if I repeat myself it's only as life repeats itself. If I had a job and was married with kids I may not do this much anyway, but if I did the routine would be just as regular. I will see.

Monday, June 08, 2009

1960s memories

It's funny how memories are like pulling a thread, one comes and the others all follow when you keep pulling. Back to the 60s when I was born, the smells are everyone's easiest route back and it reminded me of a family we knew called the Osterweils with three kids whose house always smelt of poo. Like they'll read this... There were many memories from before we moved from Kingsbury when I was 5, and my mum often went back to the same places after we moved including the hairdressers where there son used to give me copies of dirty magazines while I waited for her to be done. The centrefolds then went on my wall when he changed them over and gave me the old ones. But that was about 1970 and no muff back then so my mother had little to object to.
When I returned to live here in 1995 the shop was still there and only closed a few years ago. The family who owned it then were long dead but a lot of it was the same and I had my own hair cut there a few times.

Back to poo and the story I've probably told already but can be repeated indefinitely. It was about 1964 and my class was in one of the portakabins typical of so many British schools. The walls were yellow and the teacher stopped what she was doing and asked "Tony, are you alright?" "Yes" "Miss there's something on the wall". "It wasn't me" said Tony. It was. There were brown circles smeared on the yellow wall like Chimp art, he'd shit himself and rather than leave the incriminating evidence in his pants decided to do his best to conceal and camouflage it by smearing it thinly on the wall as if no one would notice. That's pretty clever for a four year old really. Unfortunately a couple of years later when I was in the back of my friend's mother's car waiting to pick up his brother I was surprised by a huge weight of turd and had no alternative but release it. I took the silent approach and hoped they wouldn't notice but within seconds the smell was obvious and I ended up in the bath surrounded by brown floating material making its way down the plughole.

I suppose poop is the most memorable area of most children's past, not just my own. Or is it just what I focus on? We went to Bath when I was a year or so older and climbing a stile I saw a huge pool of mud underneath and jumped into the middle as kids would. But it wasn't mud, but my first introduction to cowpats. We had to drive home 100 miles with me covered in it. Of course it wasn't all faecal connections to that period, and of course we had the usual episodes of urinary escapes in the classroom as well. Plus Alan Laurier (anyone know him?) who sat in his chair at school after lunch surrounded by what looked like a ring of snow. Miss Sharp said "Alan, what's that?" "Nothing" "Empty your pockets" and two pockets in his grey flannel shorts emptied the day's mashed potato on the floor from lunch he hid as he didn't want it. Of course that's more of an indictment of the old policy of forcing kids to finish their lunch but made for some good stories.

Obviously we had our doctors and nurses as well, the private inspections when boys visited girls and the public when one or more girls showed boys their equipment in the playground. I was of course fascinated and obsessed with pussy ever since. No better obsession for a man in my opinion. One by one I lost contact with them as we all moved schools and houses, and moving to an all boys school at 9 cut me off totally for 3 years till I managed to escape. Being an only child I was glued to the TV from soon after I was born, Associated Rediffusion channels 1 and 9, Five O Clock club, Watch with Mother, Space patrol, Top of the Pops, White Heather Club, Ready Steady Go, Juke Box Jury and some panel game with Groucho Marx on it. There were many well and less well knowns as well, Wally Whyton, Nadia Cattouse, The Seekers, The Spinners, Fred Barker and Ollie Beak the puppets, Tingha and Tucker with Auntie Jean, Bob Monkhouse on the Golden Shot, up, up, left a bit, right a bit, fire!
Much is now on Youtube for anyone who wants to see it again, and many I hadn't seen since they were last shown 40 odd years ago.

My grandparents had a shop in the West End where I'd sometimes go in the school holidays and my father would meet me for lunch and go to the Old Kentucky (pancakes and a free lollipop) or Lyons Corner House on Oxford Street or the celebrity Vega vegetarian restaurant nearby where many well known musicians (mainly jazz) used to go who my father all knew. Sometimes we'd get the nearby Green Line coaches to Hertfordshire for a few (old) pence each, and although I remember waiting for them and the insides haven't a clue where we ended up. And finally I remember trolleybuses along Edgware Road which I only recently discovered stopped in 1962 when I was just 2. And our hotel in Paris the previous christmas in 1961 where we went with my grandparents and amazed my mother years later when I described the lift man and having breakfast where they'd brought my cereal so they knew I liked it. With clear memories going back to the age of 1 then there's a whole lot of material to get through but these were the highlights, or lowlights I suppose.

Sunday, June 07, 2009

Another week passes

For me it was a busy week. A few bookings and more for next week, another trip to the supermarket for grandma (no car since last year) which she thoroughly enjoyed, and a couple of photo trips in between. I suspect the old signs have more or less run out, especially any new ones not repeats, and heard nothing whether they'll write an article about me painting the old sign last weekend yet.
The Euro election results are coming out, at least when Big Brother finishes. I suspect UK Independence may not show the promise they suggested as I switched during the ads, although having it on a final fold in the betting slip (near enough) so you couldn't find it without undoing them completely. I checked the list on the wall first (as they don't always have a candidate at all) and saw they did so just kept undoing the paper till it got to number 13 on its own at the end. Why anyone choosing to vote for them wouldn't do the same I'm not sure but there were a lot of complaints. Like the Literal Democrats a few years ago who fooled a few dyslexics if nothing else.

OK, just turned over to find the BNP got an MEP in Leeds. That'll distract a few people from the real issues for a week or so before they get back to serious business (ie robbing us all). There's no room to reduce petrol tax as our wonderful prime minister has borrowed so much we'll be taxed like fucking Zimbabwe for the rest of my life. Even a new party will inherit that debt, no gold and little oil and no serious manufacturing to make it up. UKIP currently 2nd equal with 3 so a good start though, if they do well enough a few real politicians may lose their inhibitions about questioning our membership at last.

Back to my own crap, I'm free besides some bookings as mentioned, hair is cut, eyes tested and corrected and just got some more shop vouchers to use at Brent Cross. once I know what to get with them. With road signs running out after about 6 solid months something has to replace them and as they weren't planned then I don't expect any more to be ahead. I just squatted 85 kilos in the gym, 5 more from last time and my legs can clearly improve faster than anything else. I will be visiting the library again partly for advertising and partly to check out the talent as described already. I only ask out one or two women a year nowadays and even the ones who agreed pushed me away as soon as I tried anything besides one who I waited about 12 years for one little kiss. That seems to be the return rate at the moment.
I also have a phone lesson to book with the latest teacher who says any efforts to enlightenment should work, so will see what he can do. The rest will either be routine or a mystery.

Thursday, June 04, 2009

It must be guided

How's this? I was wondering after a week far more like my previous life whether it meant the guidance had gone, so within a few days I read in a magazine that once we know there is guidance we have to trust it even when we think it's gone. How much more of an answer could I have had than that?

I can't remember what I mentioned last time, but must have been past the sign painting as that was on Saturday. Despite our fercuckter government committee of 1963 choosing the cheap and nasty Euro-symbols to lick the Froggie's arses in preparation to join their gambling club, I mean Common Market, the library manager told me that by adding the words 'No Entry' to the previously empty sign should actually deter more people from driving in the exit. No shit Sherlock... That Mr Worboys who did the same to our signs as Al Gore did for honesty should be sent to suffer a Greek myth style journey of our A roads trying to follow his shite signs for eternity. Especially those councils felt obliged to remove but were never replaced just when you need one. The guy was the word I'd rather not use but we all know. Enough said.

For those (I expect they exist) who feel sorry for me from the drought of females I did have a visitor today who served that particular requirement for some time ahead. If I had nothing else in life decent sex (or even average) would put a smile on my face above anything else. OK, it may have been average but I made up in quantity any other shortcomings. I think it's mainly women who love going into details (they are wired via the heart rather than the eye like men) and I normally only mention it when it hasn't happened, but this was after such a long time I didn't want anyone thinking I was still stuck for any.

Besides that I'm pretty well free, I have what would be called work/chores the next couple of days, and a possible newspaper article about painting the sign if they think it's worthy of one. It'll be about time as I really want this to have a higher profile. And if it raises mine that won't be bad either. I was reporting on a London forum recently about it and someone pointed me to a thread on a road website with all the old sign details and I said I know, I wrote it. The message is slowly being got. I'm also following another teacher, JC Mac, who says basically once you look for enlightenment you ought to get it as the teaching erodes the ego until there's not enough of it left to survive. I'm having a phone session with him soon as well so that should be interesting. I almost feel I've understood so much about what enlightenment is and how you get there I should be on the edge by now as I learn more and more about it as it's put out there, and can see pretty well what it is and how you get to it now.
Despite having no prior events which turn it from a theory to an experience I feel that I must have created a weight that is becoming too heavy to stay put and will soon have to start rolling away. And unlike ten years ago there are hundreds of newly enlightened teachers turning up, implying whatever was holding it back in the 90s when I started learning has now started to free up and the efforts are getting paid off.

As far as the new woman is concerned I've decided to pursue that myself and pay another visit, paying close attention to the ring finger situation. Getting her boss involved is not a good idea so will keep it between me and myself. She seemed like she might be a bit boring but will give her a chance just in case. The old test is whether they laugh at my bottom jokes, a very basic but successful method as it always seems to work. I just can't see her doing that somehow but if I can take her out and then get her into bed I won't worry about other details as she is pretty stunning in her own way and well worth a try if single. She needn't be marriage material for that really. I just wish someone was.

Tomorrow is also the first time I've cared about the European election (like voting for TB or cancer) simply because the UK Independence party may do well. The only commonsense in Britain I know few others share it (we wouldn't have anyone mentioning carbon emissions otherwise by now) but a good test to see how many do. Being in the EU is so fucking obviously doomed to disaster only crookery could get us in (Heath admitted lying about its powers, as I already knew and told everyone at the time). Who would join a club that cost them £40 million and got nothing for it besides losing the power to make its own laws?
Big Brother also starts, another few months of hypnotic viewing again. I almost feel like an addict now as I can't get through each day without an hour minimum on TV, and far more when live streaming. I'd love a person or two living with me as well but would still watch them as I'm nosy and find watching people fascinating.

So if guided (as in somewhere worth going to, not off a cliff) I ought to be getting more and more as time goes on. Up till now the permanent things I've got have been useful in business, and only my degree marginally useful otherwise as allows me to speak with far more authority in a world which values education than without. But I know both my own potential and life's and don't want to miss out. I did a little diagram last week that explained my situation, and discovered that besides qualifications, which even that was curtailed by having to drop my master's degree, I've never succeeded in any important area other than the smallest crumbs. No wonder I'm pissed off. Compared to the full set I've only got the leftovers in each category, just the barest amount more in each than having nothing at all. My modern colour (1978-88) train ticket collection is also complete although the proper colour ones before were the decent ones so only second prize there.

So I know exactly what I'm missing. There are then the categories of enlightenment and out of body experiences I haven't got any of at all (how many have?) but would like at least the first for the full set. Women, fame, collections, and any other top level areas have had only the scraps although fame is one hardly anyone gets at all so relatively way ahead of most but not enough to actually be known yet. But that won't get me very far if I died tomorrow would it? So that is where the guidance must be going to as otherwise there's no point in it is there?

Tuesday, June 02, 2009

Organising my plans

Blimey I've been busy since my last entry. On Saturday it was hot and sunny and I managed to arrange painting the sign at the library which now looks great, and met a lovely woman there as well (more when there's anything to report there as no idea if she's even free). Sunday was a standard road check for old signs in Weybridge (negative) but kept me ON the streets (ha ha). Then I went to Clapham to get my first old sign with catseyes built in although I already have 10 No Through Road signs this was quite different. I got lots of nice photos of people and places as well there. Then I lifted 2 1/2 kilos over my body weight (I'm not sure if I did 77.5 before but have now). On the way home the North Circular was closed and had to divert round Ealing. First I found another lovely striped pole with a new sign on it, and then what may well be an old subway sign I must go and check. And work tomorrow. So a pretty full weekend and more like real life again for a change.

So, although my plans don't stretch beyond the day they have been working, I'm trusting it more partly as it's worked and partly as I can't plan or expect beyond tomorrow as no circumstances allow for it. OK I'm taking my grandma shopping on Thursday but that's the lot. And it meant I had to either shift or lose another arrangement but she's 99 and comes first.
I will say I've had two pretty big aims using The Secret (or just as they would happen anyway) come to reality and am still adding more to see if it is from that with more and more data. I also read that when you realise your life is guided (as I did) don't assume it's stopped when things go funny as it soon comes back as it seems to. I will see as I go along. I will be visiting Wingate and Finchley FC again assuming they play another league team this summer as well.

So, quite a bit crammed in to a short period and now it's bedtime and my mind's blank, of course I want to go and check the sign when I can simply as the others didn't always survive long after I discovered them and aren't sure it's a real one either as the style I know is different. My nature is to do things straight away, had it been an obvious old sign I'd have stopped but being on a dual carriageway at night wasn't a good idea anyway at 40 mph as well. I've seen so many signs online in the evening and got them by bedtime as I was free, including one in Alperton I Streetviewed but wasn't there anymore when I got there. And when there's less to distract me (people, sex etc) then if I have a goal of any size I try and get it done straight away as the alternative is to me wasting time or doing things I'd prefer to do after. But the upside means emails and letters get replied to straight away as do most other tasks others set me. God help me if I expect the same from others as very few people seem to share this trait with me. Take your time, it's not important, what's the hurry etc.

I'm still watching more and more enlightenment teachers online, and does seem to be something we only become aware of when the obstacles created by the mind are gone, so a process of removing rather than learning and adding anything. Observation and any similar practises should gradually clear the fog from the truth and once it shows you'll never be in doubt again. I've seen fuck all of this of course (I can ration the words but won't ban them as every other site does that for me so why be hogtied on my own?) although am well aware of the earlier highs through meditation. These are not the normal highs from experiences but way beyond and probably not accessible without working at it. But they are just variations on existing themes and no more enlightenment than any other experience. I've never felt or known what the teachers describe but pretty certain it exists now I've seen it described by hundreds of different people. I may well be on the edge for what I know as I seem more ready than before. How my life, blogs and personality would be should that happen won't be known till it does, but few if anyone moans about life once it does happen as there's nothing to moan about.

I've heard teachers swear as well by the way as it's part of communication, not unenlightened rudeness. That's to show us people don't all turn into Jesus (god forbid!) or Buddha but are the same people who are now enlightened. It makes me think of what would happen if Woody Allen became enlightened, it would be a whole new chapter of stories.
"My mother can't understand how I can still be enlightened and Jewish, she says I must have become a goy if I talk about all this nonsense as it's not in the torah. But cunnilingus isn't in the torah but that's never stopped me. Not that I've shared that with her, but she wouldn't have understood even if I had. She'd have thought it was a type of lockshen." etc.

Well there are millions of alternatives ahead for me, there's a diagram where the line goes up at an angle with time and down, and the higher up the line the less chance of any event on it happening. There's a name for the shape but not sure besides it's a triangle on its side. That applies to all futures, more is always possible with time but always more likely to be along the horizontal 'obvious/likely' level. So for instance tomorrow or the next day I should get the next sign and do my work and then take my grandma out as the odds are likely and close in time. Then in addition to that I may ask out the woman I just met but only if single and not sure when. And the chances she accepts are maybe half so some way above horizontal etc etc. And something like enlightenment or similar have no timescale and near the top limit of the line as although theoretically possible not particularly likely (although now that one may be). Then outside the diagram entirely are those things you'd like but couldn't happen (above) and those fears that are so wild they are impossible (below the line on the negative side). The best possible but unlikeliest events line the top edge at the likeliest possible time point, the ones that are almost bound to happen are along the middle and the unlikely crap like getting the flu or sack are on the mirror level under the line in the same way. If I could draw it here it would save all the descriptions but a free blog does not include fancy graphics.