Lost love 3

Why does every new event make me sound even more like Woody Allen? I don't go out trying to look like a shlimazl (look it up) but one by one the same pattern repeats itself in infinite ways with no letup, possibly until I die.
So after 6 years or so one of the nicest women I ever knew signed up on Friends reunited. One I never even tried. Some men see taken women as a challenge, I as a 5' 4'' 19 year old who had begun to come to terms with the fact I stopped growing when most people hadn't even shot up, had no expectation of competing with a probably live in corblimey hooligan (they always are) of the refined graduate I was in love with who was 4 years older than me. So for a year or more I stared and wished while not wasting my time looking an idiot and admitting how I felt to someone who had succeeded at 23 in covering degree job and partner, which I still haven't at 46. Anyway, just finding and emailing anyone there removes the mystery as at least I know they know, and few ever reply and none are single. I think it's 3 days now and no reply and what with broadband most people reply pretty sharpish nowadays. Plus hardly anyone who bothered to reply remembers who I am. I remember nearly everything as if it was yesterday. Many people do. So for all the people who don't they sign up for these places and then get a ton of emails from apparent strangers. Why bother? I never had one in 6 years so that shows they are well shot of me. If they hadn't signed up to a site only for contacting people from the past I could understand the need to look forwards, but why sit on the pot if you aren't going to use it?

So, a disappointment but not one I wasn't prepared for, the relief of her hearing from me is enough and I'll try one more if no reply soon and that's it. And for fuck's sake, this perfectly formed ballerina from 1978 is 50 now already! She may look so different from what I knew as to be positively repellent, as happened once or twice already. But 23 most women look how they will for a long time and she looked perfect. But not for me. I expect her criminal fascination probably gave way to a rich successful professional, probably her boss and already married, and they now have 3 kids going to top universities. She probably went from Highbury or whichever other bedsit land she was in to Highgate or Islington, lives in a million pound terraced house and votes Liberal Democrat. Stereotypes only work as they are based on dominant factors and I am as much of one as anyone else. If I was black or Indian I'd lay it on just as thick as I'm both a performer and proud of my culture. I like a discount as much as any other and am not embarrassed or offended by anyone who guesses that in advance.

Little else to report, few plans for a while besides the junk I mentioned before, and though I continue to meet more of the sort of people I want to online, none comment or are in places we could ever meet. I see it as a sort of genius (OK, geek) club of the world. We are so rare in society we are misunderstood by all the regular guys who are aggressive and uncultured, or work hard, may have complicated professions but memorise the rules while barely understanding them. No one really taught me counselling, I went to college to turn a skill into something people may pay me for. I do exactly the same now I did before I started for friends, I just know the routine now technically as well as intuitively. I became qualified in all ways both so people wouldn't reject my wisdom for being that of an idiot savant, and to earn more. I have never checked if anyone's wisdom had a degree behind it, it's either wisdom or not, but most people assume a degree or more is automatic if you have any brains and its absence excludes you from the club. But anyone with wisdom is capable of getting a degree and not everyone has the time or money to try.
Well, I reckon if my old classmate who won't remember me anyway hasn't replied within a week it's down the toilet time. And if she does I'd say 75% of my guesses will be right and I'll add she has a high powered job and expecting her first grandchild. Don't the conventional want to make you puke sometimes?