I wonder what could have influenced the title today (hint, it's Big Brother time again...). Yes, well. Very little to report from Kingsbury today, I will say I discovered the child who posted shit on here was actually someone different from the regular person, so I apologise for accusing the usual person. I'm quite happy to admit if I make a mistake. The person who did undoubtedly copy the previous one (it was only their previous comments rehashed, hence the confusion on my part) is no doubt of the same mentality of reading the papers in order to recreate the most original mugging they come across as well. Never mind, I can live with that.
Anyway, I seem to be getting a point at least as I said before. I was becoming one of the least tolerant people of stress in the bloody universe, and something had to happen to teach me to handle it as it wasn't going to go away on its own. And one thing the merry troll did get right (it wasn't difficult to discover it really) was tablets have been my best (and only) defence to it in the past. In fact many of the nicest people I know have been on the same or similar ones to me, so judging people just because they can't handle some of the hellish aspects of life is pretty sad, especially as it's the very people who judge that are actually responsible for many of the hellish conditions. For example, Charlie Wolf on Talk Sport is a reasonably decent and intelligent person, but his culture (American) and personality (workaholic) have combined to make some of his views (considering he preaches a few days a week on national radio) pretty dangerous. He seems to believe people who are only prepared to work 9 to 5 are wimps. Well, if he did his maths and looked at history he'd realise people do the sort of hours he thinks are right is either because their employers force them to (yes, they still do despite an attempt to rein it in by Europe) or they work for themselves and are bloody greedy, which is their own choice, but I'm sure (just as I did) their children suffer. And when we had the three day week production was at it's most efficient as people didn't need to piss around half the time to fill in the long hours and break the utter boredom. That's just the first example I could think of, but primitive attitudes tend to collect together, so this goes with anger, revenge, hate and all the other unnecessary crap people have as children that can be trained out of them in most cases, as proved by Buddhists for a start.
Having a record to compare with I can state that all these attributes are needless, and only make your life worse if you have them in it. It makes those around you's life worse, but ultimately your own, as anyone decent they know will eventually drop them, and hopefully eventually they'll come across someone just like them but worse (eg school bullies) who will do exactly to them what they do to others, but more professionally. Luckily these people are a minority really, but make so much noise and disturbance it's like a tornado, rare but disastrous when it hits you. I never believed I'd be going on the internet to teach adults manners like three year olds, but when they continually behave like that, then I may as well pass on what I have to say about it. I know I may waffle like an idiot here at times, I explained half the point is for my own benefit to let it out- living alone I have little opportunity to vent gradually as most people do, so it just all comes out here periodically (as with many others). But anyone who doesn't like it and uses the easy chance to be rude to a complete stranger because they can get away with it is so pathetic it speaks for itself.
I read dire stuff on the net every week, as we all do who frequent this territory, but if it's that bad I either avoid it in future or more frequently find it pretty entertaining and come back. But anyone who uses the loophole of a free insult to let it all hang out needs far more therapy and probably psychiatric treatment than I ever will. And a whacking big kick up the arse. At least.
Friday, June 17, 2005
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
Fitting together?
Possibly, just possibly, there is a pattern in everything that's happening around me. Basically I've discovered I'm far too sensitive to literally everything. So what's been happening? Little events have been repeating themselves until I react to each type differently. I needed it.
I had various fears of consequences, physical attacks and similar, other disasters which are in fact very unlikely but my mind came to expect the worst, and it was time I dumped as much of it as possible. I am now noticing when one comes in and training myself to react differently to each, until it both becomes a habit, and hopefully covers it all without any exceptions.
I have felt I had a lot to lose in the past, but technically I appear to have got this far, clearly what I fear has rarely come into my reality, and when it has was rarely close to what I expected. So I have just realised there was a point to it all, and have shifted as a result of getting that point.
I have read these events are actually designed to teach us rather than just be the wasps at the picnic with no function but to aggravate as they seem on the surface. The main spiritual teachers go a step further by saying it's all a dream and like a dream, it's all me, nothing else. If you realise you're dreaming while asleep you may not wake up, but instantly realise nothing's real, there's nowhere really to go and no one else there as it's all taking place in your own consciousness. Well the spiritual (for want of a better word) view is this waking life is the same. Therefore every coincidence and awareness of things we shouldn't expect to be aware of make sense if we view it as a script written by ourselves, only to forget we wrote it until we start picking up the clues when the time to wake up grows nearer. Whether we write a teacher into the dream to appear to tell us to wake up, as many do, or find it out in other ways, once we've used up the unconscious dream the time comes to move on to the full awareness of our true nature as the 'big I', ie everything.
Of course, by accepting this, I also accept I'm only writing this to myself, but until we wake up I have to stay in the dream whether I'm aware it's a dream or not. So though, if enlightened I'd realise there was no one else out there to know, somehow it's still part of the plan to awaken more apparent others out there as that's how the system works. It's beyond the mind's logic here, but this teaching transcends anything the mind can handle, but somehow rings true at a deeper level. It's been said almost unanimously by teachers for thousands of years, and why would such a consistent point be made by so many if it was wrong?
As I have no experience of this state of unity myself, I am only repeating what I've learnt from teachers I consider honest and sincere, and have no reason to fabricate any of this. They often have these experiences prior to any learning, and have to go and search for an explanation after something's happened rather than just being given an inspiring idea and becoming it through suggestion. But events such as the coincidences, followed by the chances for personal growth I've been given recently do imply a much different story to life than the one science offers. And anyone who question how you can create a dream as complex as life, what about some of the experiences you call actual dreams? Would you believe you could create those scenarios and experiences had you not just lived through them while asleep? Certainly not in my own case.
I had various fears of consequences, physical attacks and similar, other disasters which are in fact very unlikely but my mind came to expect the worst, and it was time I dumped as much of it as possible. I am now noticing when one comes in and training myself to react differently to each, until it both becomes a habit, and hopefully covers it all without any exceptions.
I have felt I had a lot to lose in the past, but technically I appear to have got this far, clearly what I fear has rarely come into my reality, and when it has was rarely close to what I expected. So I have just realised there was a point to it all, and have shifted as a result of getting that point.
I have read these events are actually designed to teach us rather than just be the wasps at the picnic with no function but to aggravate as they seem on the surface. The main spiritual teachers go a step further by saying it's all a dream and like a dream, it's all me, nothing else. If you realise you're dreaming while asleep you may not wake up, but instantly realise nothing's real, there's nowhere really to go and no one else there as it's all taking place in your own consciousness. Well the spiritual (for want of a better word) view is this waking life is the same. Therefore every coincidence and awareness of things we shouldn't expect to be aware of make sense if we view it as a script written by ourselves, only to forget we wrote it until we start picking up the clues when the time to wake up grows nearer. Whether we write a teacher into the dream to appear to tell us to wake up, as many do, or find it out in other ways, once we've used up the unconscious dream the time comes to move on to the full awareness of our true nature as the 'big I', ie everything.
Of course, by accepting this, I also accept I'm only writing this to myself, but until we wake up I have to stay in the dream whether I'm aware it's a dream or not. So though, if enlightened I'd realise there was no one else out there to know, somehow it's still part of the plan to awaken more apparent others out there as that's how the system works. It's beyond the mind's logic here, but this teaching transcends anything the mind can handle, but somehow rings true at a deeper level. It's been said almost unanimously by teachers for thousands of years, and why would such a consistent point be made by so many if it was wrong?
As I have no experience of this state of unity myself, I am only repeating what I've learnt from teachers I consider honest and sincere, and have no reason to fabricate any of this. They often have these experiences prior to any learning, and have to go and search for an explanation after something's happened rather than just being given an inspiring idea and becoming it through suggestion. But events such as the coincidences, followed by the chances for personal growth I've been given recently do imply a much different story to life than the one science offers. And anyone who question how you can create a dream as complex as life, what about some of the experiences you call actual dreams? Would you believe you could create those scenarios and experiences had you not just lived through them while asleep? Certainly not in my own case.
Friday, June 10, 2005
Is it me?
Well, things don't stay frozen for ever, my friend Peter who left for the States over 3 years ago is finally back for a short visit, and I saw him for the first time on Wednesday, after regular visits to see him for many of the previous 30 years before he left.
Apart from that, I have been wondering, particularly after discussing stress on a new forum where they let you speak freely, whether my clearly unhealthy mental condition is more from the outside circumstances than just my own genetic malformations. Clues are that I did used to be pretty happy most of the time in the past, unless there was a good reason not to be. And when I was presented with a few months off between exams when everyone else was still working I did get pretty fed up as well. I suspect isolation could be one of the worst factors in causing stress symptoms, and unlike overwork where (except for the financial repercussions) you can just cut down or bail out altogether, isolation means chasing around hoping to find social activities that are an improvement on all the harmless but dull things you learn to do alone to keep occupied (yes, including blogging). But just as when I saw friends as a child, at the end of the day we had to go home to our separate places. Being an only child I felt I could only borrow people my own age where nearly everyone else had them around all the time, fighting or not. It's the same now, whoever I manage to see during the day is only temporary. It's someone around all or a lot of the time that's the key to my major trouble, and that really isn't down to effort, intelligence or strategy. It's a chance result of so many factors, one of which may be intention followed by effort. But really that's such a small part it's probably no better than just meeting someone by chance and it taking off naturally.
Yes, you can suck up small ads online and elsewhere like a hoover, telling hundreds of strangers your interests and history, they may even phone you, in my case either sounding like someone I'd never have spoken to normally, or in a couple of cases that they don't want to meet anyone despite investing in an advert. Conversely I recently met a woman who's nothing like what I'd look for generally, but as I had to cross her path regularly got to know her anyway, and soon forgot her average looks (as I was recently described myself) and found a really nice personality. Apart from the major role Jesus has in her life (primary in fact) it may have led somewhere. But I had no say in meeting her, she was introduced into my life regardless. That's been the case ever since I became too old for the normal dating scene where we went to a disco once or twice a weekend, eyed up every girl there and worked our way through asking them to dance until (maybe once every ten places) I got lucky. Then I'd take their phone number, and if they didn't regret it the next day would then start dating until one or both of us found we had little in common.
Of course there were other ways to meet, but apart from holidays, where the downside is they could live anywhere in the world, the numbers were insignificant. Meeting people through friends and family was the next best way, and is now the best, as the other two aren't really going to work at my age. Of course I can confirm that by having gone to a disco or two a year until I was nearly 40, each one I realised why I'd stopped. Unfortunately apart from the recycled women who had just got divorced and were back after a period out of commission, the remainder could be divided in two. One was the obvious appearance reason they were single, equally applying to the men of course though that didn't concern me, and the ones who looked OK soon turned out to be mentally challenged as soon as you spoke to them. The full spectrum was there from simple immaturity to genuine insanity. Yes, they thought the same of me I'm sure, but at least I didn't keep going there regularly like most of them did. It was the same rough bunch just as it was 30 years ago, when if there was actually a party in Greater London the phones would start ringing until hundreds of people had the address and arrived en masse anywhere within a 30 mile radius of London to descend on some poor bugger who had just invited maybe 25 people to their 18th birthday party. Amazingly, with a few exceptions, I always got in, and a few I was even invited to officially.
The major problem was that because of the apparent proportional lack of activities compared to teenage population, the same people followed the parties around so after a year or two it was very rare to see more than a few new people at each party. The social market therefore got used up by the time I graduated in 1984 and thought I'd have the time to really get stuck in, only to find the same people at a do I'd seen there a few years earlier. By then most of the others were paired up only leaving the hard core to continue following the few arrangements left for the over 25s.
Maybe I can write an academic paper on this, I've certainly exhausted all the avenues available myself, and though London is an exception in that it doesn't really have local communities that focus on a small area where it's impossible not to know where the single women are and get to know them, would still apply in any other city this size. This means there are plenty of single women in London, probably within a couple of miles of me which includes a few who may be just right. But as it's London we'll never meet. By the way, anyone who goes to pubs regularly is so unlikely to be my type I think I can rule that route out. I tried it once (OK, my friends did as I stood by getting more and more embarrassed) and I could see then by their combined enthusiasm and guts to go and do it, combined with their total lack of ability and maturity, it wasn't worth trying again. In the end my only hope is if I finally crack the media world, which is slowly happening, they are an incestuous bunch who are very free to socialise with their own, and continually mix and match regardless of their marital status. Who knows, I may even make it with someone from Big Brother- especially if it's Becki Seddiki from Big Brother 5 who I briefly met last year, and was looking for someone at the time. And a psychologist, what more could I want?
By the way, I've heard every possible insult on my dating history here by now. It's really not worth adding any more. It's repetitive and makes myself and every other reader of the blog (people have told me) feel sick, and just makes you look like a sad and bitter bitch.
Apart from that, I have been wondering, particularly after discussing stress on a new forum where they let you speak freely, whether my clearly unhealthy mental condition is more from the outside circumstances than just my own genetic malformations. Clues are that I did used to be pretty happy most of the time in the past, unless there was a good reason not to be. And when I was presented with a few months off between exams when everyone else was still working I did get pretty fed up as well. I suspect isolation could be one of the worst factors in causing stress symptoms, and unlike overwork where (except for the financial repercussions) you can just cut down or bail out altogether, isolation means chasing around hoping to find social activities that are an improvement on all the harmless but dull things you learn to do alone to keep occupied (yes, including blogging). But just as when I saw friends as a child, at the end of the day we had to go home to our separate places. Being an only child I felt I could only borrow people my own age where nearly everyone else had them around all the time, fighting or not. It's the same now, whoever I manage to see during the day is only temporary. It's someone around all or a lot of the time that's the key to my major trouble, and that really isn't down to effort, intelligence or strategy. It's a chance result of so many factors, one of which may be intention followed by effort. But really that's such a small part it's probably no better than just meeting someone by chance and it taking off naturally.
Yes, you can suck up small ads online and elsewhere like a hoover, telling hundreds of strangers your interests and history, they may even phone you, in my case either sounding like someone I'd never have spoken to normally, or in a couple of cases that they don't want to meet anyone despite investing in an advert. Conversely I recently met a woman who's nothing like what I'd look for generally, but as I had to cross her path regularly got to know her anyway, and soon forgot her average looks (as I was recently described myself) and found a really nice personality. Apart from the major role Jesus has in her life (primary in fact) it may have led somewhere. But I had no say in meeting her, she was introduced into my life regardless. That's been the case ever since I became too old for the normal dating scene where we went to a disco once or twice a weekend, eyed up every girl there and worked our way through asking them to dance until (maybe once every ten places) I got lucky. Then I'd take their phone number, and if they didn't regret it the next day would then start dating until one or both of us found we had little in common.
Of course there were other ways to meet, but apart from holidays, where the downside is they could live anywhere in the world, the numbers were insignificant. Meeting people through friends and family was the next best way, and is now the best, as the other two aren't really going to work at my age. Of course I can confirm that by having gone to a disco or two a year until I was nearly 40, each one I realised why I'd stopped. Unfortunately apart from the recycled women who had just got divorced and were back after a period out of commission, the remainder could be divided in two. One was the obvious appearance reason they were single, equally applying to the men of course though that didn't concern me, and the ones who looked OK soon turned out to be mentally challenged as soon as you spoke to them. The full spectrum was there from simple immaturity to genuine insanity. Yes, they thought the same of me I'm sure, but at least I didn't keep going there regularly like most of them did. It was the same rough bunch just as it was 30 years ago, when if there was actually a party in Greater London the phones would start ringing until hundreds of people had the address and arrived en masse anywhere within a 30 mile radius of London to descend on some poor bugger who had just invited maybe 25 people to their 18th birthday party. Amazingly, with a few exceptions, I always got in, and a few I was even invited to officially.
The major problem was that because of the apparent proportional lack of activities compared to teenage population, the same people followed the parties around so after a year or two it was very rare to see more than a few new people at each party. The social market therefore got used up by the time I graduated in 1984 and thought I'd have the time to really get stuck in, only to find the same people at a do I'd seen there a few years earlier. By then most of the others were paired up only leaving the hard core to continue following the few arrangements left for the over 25s.
Maybe I can write an academic paper on this, I've certainly exhausted all the avenues available myself, and though London is an exception in that it doesn't really have local communities that focus on a small area where it's impossible not to know where the single women are and get to know them, would still apply in any other city this size. This means there are plenty of single women in London, probably within a couple of miles of me which includes a few who may be just right. But as it's London we'll never meet. By the way, anyone who goes to pubs regularly is so unlikely to be my type I think I can rule that route out. I tried it once (OK, my friends did as I stood by getting more and more embarrassed) and I could see then by their combined enthusiasm and guts to go and do it, combined with their total lack of ability and maturity, it wasn't worth trying again. In the end my only hope is if I finally crack the media world, which is slowly happening, they are an incestuous bunch who are very free to socialise with their own, and continually mix and match regardless of their marital status. Who knows, I may even make it with someone from Big Brother- especially if it's Becki Seddiki from Big Brother 5 who I briefly met last year, and was looking for someone at the time. And a psychologist, what more could I want?
By the way, I've heard every possible insult on my dating history here by now. It's really not worth adding any more. It's repetitive and makes myself and every other reader of the blog (people have told me) feel sick, and just makes you look like a sad and bitter bitch.
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
Oh boy, not again...
I wasn't even intending to write anything today, but as I had to pay a visit anyway, I couldn't miss opening the little box.
Well, the scourge of writers everywhere has hit Kingsbury, the hate mail. Well, in one sentence, I may be all sorts of inadequate, but in all my 45 years I've never sent or never will send hate mail. I hope that says it all.
Other than that, I have nothing new to report (hence lack of intention to write...), but every experience including the deep shit seems to give a little opportunity to reflect, and freedom of speech is designed to allow me and everyone on earth with access to a computer to write what they bloody well like, and the opportunity to choose what to read. If I didn't like it I'd avoid a blog again, and that's it. So there's some sort of reason to return whatever the intent. In this occasion I'd prefer not being read though.
My dating problems (to reply to issues raised) boil down to one formula. I know exactly what I like, and get more or less the opposite. I've spelt it out in detail already, but basically I've had as many offers as I've probably made, and being male have tested nearly all before rejection. On the other side, a number of women I've tried have given me a test run before letting me go, where in some cases I would have been happy to marry them. I've had at least five women hint/propose to me. I really can't understand how as soon as I decide a woman's right for me she goes off me. I don't exhibit that much dribbling, fawning and all the other no-nos men tend to do when the sap rises (I meant 'dick' there). And to be honest, I more write to entertain myself and it's a bonus if anyone else actually reads any of it as well. It clarifies my thoughts and allows me to release a bit of steam every few days and is not meant to be a literary effort. As a bonus I've met a number of very nice and decent bloggers (you guys know who you are) and the sort of stuff I write about is typical as one of a few most popular subjects for blogs. What else is there to write about besides life?
There are special interest blogs which are fine as far as they go, but only appeal to people with the same interests. But we all share similar workings, so can relate to every human being on earth more or less if they just relate their everyday life.
So I have a formula/curse in my life about women. So I write about it. If I decided to leave it out I'd write about something else, but the answer is it doesn't matter what I write, it's who's writing it that is targeted regardless of the content. I know what I did to get the punishment, but enough is enough. It's getting truly pathetic and no one is impressed and I hate wasting my time replying at all to it.
Well, the scourge of writers everywhere has hit Kingsbury, the hate mail. Well, in one sentence, I may be all sorts of inadequate, but in all my 45 years I've never sent or never will send hate mail. I hope that says it all.
Other than that, I have nothing new to report (hence lack of intention to write...), but every experience including the deep shit seems to give a little opportunity to reflect, and freedom of speech is designed to allow me and everyone on earth with access to a computer to write what they bloody well like, and the opportunity to choose what to read. If I didn't like it I'd avoid a blog again, and that's it. So there's some sort of reason to return whatever the intent. In this occasion I'd prefer not being read though.
My dating problems (to reply to issues raised) boil down to one formula. I know exactly what I like, and get more or less the opposite. I've spelt it out in detail already, but basically I've had as many offers as I've probably made, and being male have tested nearly all before rejection. On the other side, a number of women I've tried have given me a test run before letting me go, where in some cases I would have been happy to marry them. I've had at least five women hint/propose to me. I really can't understand how as soon as I decide a woman's right for me she goes off me. I don't exhibit that much dribbling, fawning and all the other no-nos men tend to do when the sap rises (I meant 'dick' there). And to be honest, I more write to entertain myself and it's a bonus if anyone else actually reads any of it as well. It clarifies my thoughts and allows me to release a bit of steam every few days and is not meant to be a literary effort. As a bonus I've met a number of very nice and decent bloggers (you guys know who you are) and the sort of stuff I write about is typical as one of a few most popular subjects for blogs. What else is there to write about besides life?
There are special interest blogs which are fine as far as they go, but only appeal to people with the same interests. But we all share similar workings, so can relate to every human being on earth more or less if they just relate their everyday life.
So I have a formula/curse in my life about women. So I write about it. If I decided to leave it out I'd write about something else, but the answer is it doesn't matter what I write, it's who's writing it that is targeted regardless of the content. I know what I did to get the punishment, but enough is enough. It's getting truly pathetic and no one is impressed and I hate wasting my time replying at all to it.
Saturday, June 04, 2005
Days off
Well, for the first time for ages I've had a whole week free. The balance is I had literally nothing interesting to do specifically either, so have just sat here taking each moment as it comes.
Many little bits of house/garden work have now been done, the weather was good enough to have tea in the garden a couple of times, and apart from the usual family visits I've hardly been anywhere or seen anyone. It's been relaxing though, after last month's chaos I really needed it. The patience of a saint is gradually becoming a reality, as a contrast to my nature of wanting everything now, I've actually got nothing now. To a Buddhist this a sign of enlightenment, but to a suburban Jew with a mild persecution complex it's what it says. Seriously, what I actually mean is that timing of events is really not in our control. We can make arrangements of sorts, but have no guarantee they'll be what we wanted, and definitely not with who we choose, unless they choose it. I'll never actually be totally idle though. Not earning money and not doing anything useful are not the same thing. Many things people do to earn money are a total waste of time, such as selling things to people they don't need, or stealing money from the public in the form of congestion charges. At least I help people and I learn things when I'm not working. If I can pay the bills then I get away with the lack of paid work. If I can't then I'll have to deal with it if the time comes.
I'd rather have things dead quiet than most recent alternatives. I do get incredibly bored at times, but that's because I'm living alone and I wasn't designed for that. I recently met a woman my sort of age and single who seems to like doing the same sort of things, ie like a cat. She seems pretty content, far more than me, sitting and reading or watching TV on her own most of the time, I'm quite relieved people like that do exist as the majority still seem to be doing all the things I did until my late 20s, going to shows, eating out (I never really liked that though), travelling and the like. Any woman I do meet may or may not want to do some of these things and most expect me to join in. I will up to a point, but to a minimum. I don't think this one would but I may be wrong as I've never seen her in a dating situation. I don't know or care technically how few other people have calmed down almost to the point of hibernation, except for the potential women I meet who would prefer to be active. Who knows, maybe my years of meditation are working in a way I didn't predict, calming me down so much I don't need to be active any more. I suspect it's my nature combined with advancing years, but the other view is a lot nicer!
Well, if there are any other sloths out there please let me know, I did hear one call the radio a few weeks ago and felt very encouraged I wasn't totally alone. I've always seemed to stand out on the fringes for some reason, and as long as I had a small group of people around who understood me I wouldn't mind. But remember I write this at a stage in my life. The further back you go the more I did. But I've shifted into a gear now that suits me fine, but would obviously be better if there was a twin soul to share it with. Meanwhile I just take each moment as it comes which is probably a step in the right direction.
Many little bits of house/garden work have now been done, the weather was good enough to have tea in the garden a couple of times, and apart from the usual family visits I've hardly been anywhere or seen anyone. It's been relaxing though, after last month's chaos I really needed it. The patience of a saint is gradually becoming a reality, as a contrast to my nature of wanting everything now, I've actually got nothing now. To a Buddhist this a sign of enlightenment, but to a suburban Jew with a mild persecution complex it's what it says. Seriously, what I actually mean is that timing of events is really not in our control. We can make arrangements of sorts, but have no guarantee they'll be what we wanted, and definitely not with who we choose, unless they choose it. I'll never actually be totally idle though. Not earning money and not doing anything useful are not the same thing. Many things people do to earn money are a total waste of time, such as selling things to people they don't need, or stealing money from the public in the form of congestion charges. At least I help people and I learn things when I'm not working. If I can pay the bills then I get away with the lack of paid work. If I can't then I'll have to deal with it if the time comes.
I'd rather have things dead quiet than most recent alternatives. I do get incredibly bored at times, but that's because I'm living alone and I wasn't designed for that. I recently met a woman my sort of age and single who seems to like doing the same sort of things, ie like a cat. She seems pretty content, far more than me, sitting and reading or watching TV on her own most of the time, I'm quite relieved people like that do exist as the majority still seem to be doing all the things I did until my late 20s, going to shows, eating out (I never really liked that though), travelling and the like. Any woman I do meet may or may not want to do some of these things and most expect me to join in. I will up to a point, but to a minimum. I don't think this one would but I may be wrong as I've never seen her in a dating situation. I don't know or care technically how few other people have calmed down almost to the point of hibernation, except for the potential women I meet who would prefer to be active. Who knows, maybe my years of meditation are working in a way I didn't predict, calming me down so much I don't need to be active any more. I suspect it's my nature combined with advancing years, but the other view is a lot nicer!
Well, if there are any other sloths out there please let me know, I did hear one call the radio a few weeks ago and felt very encouraged I wasn't totally alone. I've always seemed to stand out on the fringes for some reason, and as long as I had a small group of people around who understood me I wouldn't mind. But remember I write this at a stage in my life. The further back you go the more I did. But I've shifted into a gear now that suits me fine, but would obviously be better if there was a twin soul to share it with. Meanwhile I just take each moment as it comes which is probably a step in the right direction.
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
Wednesday's summary
Things are fairly balanced at the moment. Nothing nasty around (for a change) though few specific projects to keep me usefully occupied either. Since the last post a few little events have happened, some to me plus the great news France rejected the European Constitution, hopefully to be followed by the Netherlands tomorrow. If common sense has finally taken over in the minds of 'Greater Europe' I can only say hallelujah, and it's better now than never. Melanie Phillips is even more cynical than me (but far better educated, so I bow to her greater knowledge), and says they'll get it through regardless, but I would counter that once the people wake up, the bastards trying to pull the strings will no longer be able to put them to sleep again. We'll see who's right.
I also found yet another 'lost' post from my first week in Funtrivia back in 2000, due to a series of clerical errors on the computer I'd completely lost track of my original membership there, and only found it again a year ago after finding a notebook with the URL written down. As it was so old it hadn't been left on the main site so couldn't be found without using the archive machine, which at times turns out better stuff than the current internet pages. Anyone not familiar with Funtrivia will be losing me by now, but as I spend the majority of my internet time there and have linked it from my profile, there's no excuse for anyone curious not to simply go and look. By typing trivia in most search engines, they always come number one in the results.
Other than that I've read a wonderful piece in a catalogue I use for spiritual books, which has taken me a step closer to realising my true nature. It basically said that human beings (as we believe ourselves to be) can never reach any goals we set by natural or supernatural means, as we weren't meant to. Once we hand the power over to a higher level, we relax and let go of all feeling of responsibility for attempting to make life better, and just let it be. Then a higher consciousness, our true nature, can take over. Believe me, simple things like this can change you if you believe them intuitively. Anyone wanting to learn more, read John Randolph Price.
Finally (deperately dragging my memory for recent events), the little female issue has, along with all others since 2002 (new ones anyway) evaporated, basically I think a woman either becomes a girlfriend within a few days after you meet her or not at all. Anyone you meet, pursue and possibly become friends with has never amounted to anything more as far as I remember (without looking up my little book...). The news is the same usually, when the papers go on for weeks something is going to happen it hardly ever does, but you wake up with a sudden headline when something massive does happen. The war in Iraq, on the face of it, seems to be an exception, as it was hyped for a few years before it finally happened. But like the Catherine wheel that finally lights after the 5th attempt and then goes backwards a few times before going out with a raspberry, the war in Iraq turned out, as my friend Jon taught me to say, to be a right abortion. Little of the apparent reasons for it seemed to have been dealt with, oil has increased dramatically so those who blame oil for the war should ask what benefits we've gained from pushing the price to double what it was. Saddam Hussein may have been a typical third world murderous dictator, but he wasn't threatening me, so all I can say is if that's a reason to go to war, why stop at him? And finally the country now seems in a far worse state than it was before, apart from the fact the killing is now being done by lunatics rather than the government. This wasn't about Iraq, but rather than be asked to justify my opinion later those are the main reasons for it.
But relating back to life in Kingsbury, I am close to the stage of forgetting what a girlfriend is for, and have totally given up any attempts to get one, as they make no difference to the results. I meet people from time to time, and if one of them is female and single, que sera sera. But go and look, unless you live in a country with singles bars, the American equivalent of going to Marks and Spencer's for clothes lined up in different sizes and colours, forget it, such a place is not in the British Isles as far as I know. Putting my wedding tackle on the line yet again, I have another little story on those lines where I'll have to be incredibly careful a person won't recognise herself. As she doesn't apparently read this I think I'll get away with it, though all I am about to say is highly complimentary it is still probably highly embarrassing for the woman in question.
The story starts with the current series of Dr Who. Bear with me, there's method in my madness. The actor playing the Doctor is a couple of years younger than me, the actress playing Rose, the goblin-featured Billie Piper probably a few years younger than the lady in question. With me so far? Currently there is a growing sexual tension between Rose and the Doctor, though in true British style the writers will wimp out of having a full (or quarter) on affair between a teenager and a man her late father's age. Certainly not on a kids' programme. Anyway. Rose has already dumped her original boyfriend, who is very similar to my own subject's one (not chucked though...). The Doctor has introduced Rose to a whole new world of travel through time and space, and I am doing what I can to help this person in her spiritual journey, as she had begun before I met her. It only started fitting together in the last episode that the three of us in so many ways reflected Rose, the Doctor and Micky, the ex, that I realised how similar the situations were. I suspect the Doctor 'would' at the drop of a hat, (though in his world he's actually 900 years old), though I can't see Rose having any of it. But the dancing scene pushed them one step closer to shared intimacy than before, and after a few drinks anything could now happen, though regretted the next day.
Goodness knows in reality if my woman (I'll have to invent a name for her) realises a light comes on every time I see her, and has ever since I saw her the first time. She's as far from my normal type as Rose is from the Doctor, totally opposite backgrounds and ages, but once we meet discover we do have a lot of interests in common behind the surface.
Now at my age time is running out, and I've been looking for long enough to both know what I want, and prepared to take a chance on anyone whose qualities include a few major good ones, and overlook all the others. Arranged and rushed weddings I've seen have shown time is no factor in assuring a good marriage, however long you've known someone before proposing has little effect on the quality of the marriage. So I would be happy to jump into a marriage with any of 100 women I know now (if they were single of course) as it could only be a million per cent improvement on now, even with a few holes in it. The wrong women piss me off so intensely or bore me it wouldn't take long to spot that so would never get close to being on the list. Others, sadly, have wonderful personalities but look so average I know each time I had sex it would be worse until I went off them altogether. Being a typical man I've been up this path so many times by taking what's on offer that I could never impose it on myself for life. I do know two such women now at least, and either would be good company, one is wild and interesting, the other calm and relaxing to be with. Neither are bad looking, but not good either. And of course I bet they're the ones who 'would' as well, partially as I don't care and partially because that's what usually happens.
The unnamed one (a good enough name) is actually gorgeous, not as gorgeous as many where I know her from in comparison, but so way over the pass level the fact there are a few others above makes little difference in feeling I'd missed out on someone better had I really got somewhere. That's a comment made purely from experience and knowing myself well enough to know what works and what doesn't. Her education is probably equal to my cat's, her social background somewhere beneath my cat's, but my reaction to her is hardly affected by this if at all. That's probably just her environment and in her heart there's actually an angel, which is what I am reacting to, and all the stuff on the surface that could easily put me off is just now part of her. So the bottom line is (inspired by reading a similar situation happening to a top reiki master, who's still married) if I was asked to marry her now, I'd say yes. Faults, differences, possible problems, brothers with weapons (aimed at me), family recriminations, age differences, educational chasm, apparent lack of conversation and shared interests etc etc., I'd do it. For after reeling off all the faults, every time I looked round I'd see the same incredible person I noticed from 50 feet away the first time I saw her, and my heart jumps every time I catch her walking past me, and this has been consistent for months now, and is growing (only on my side of course). This transcends every fault and detail, and if she did feel the same way would confirm it was the right thing to do, as she'd be aware of it as well. As there's no relationship in my life really, at least I can wax a bit poetic about one I'd jump into for life given a chance, as it's a little escape to the realms of fantasy, which is the only place I'll find a relationship at the moment.
I also found yet another 'lost' post from my first week in Funtrivia back in 2000, due to a series of clerical errors on the computer I'd completely lost track of my original membership there, and only found it again a year ago after finding a notebook with the URL written down. As it was so old it hadn't been left on the main site so couldn't be found without using the archive machine, which at times turns out better stuff than the current internet pages. Anyone not familiar with Funtrivia will be losing me by now, but as I spend the majority of my internet time there and have linked it from my profile, there's no excuse for anyone curious not to simply go and look. By typing trivia in most search engines, they always come number one in the results.
Other than that I've read a wonderful piece in a catalogue I use for spiritual books, which has taken me a step closer to realising my true nature. It basically said that human beings (as we believe ourselves to be) can never reach any goals we set by natural or supernatural means, as we weren't meant to. Once we hand the power over to a higher level, we relax and let go of all feeling of responsibility for attempting to make life better, and just let it be. Then a higher consciousness, our true nature, can take over. Believe me, simple things like this can change you if you believe them intuitively. Anyone wanting to learn more, read John Randolph Price.
Finally (deperately dragging my memory for recent events), the little female issue has, along with all others since 2002 (new ones anyway) evaporated, basically I think a woman either becomes a girlfriend within a few days after you meet her or not at all. Anyone you meet, pursue and possibly become friends with has never amounted to anything more as far as I remember (without looking up my little book...). The news is the same usually, when the papers go on for weeks something is going to happen it hardly ever does, but you wake up with a sudden headline when something massive does happen. The war in Iraq, on the face of it, seems to be an exception, as it was hyped for a few years before it finally happened. But like the Catherine wheel that finally lights after the 5th attempt and then goes backwards a few times before going out with a raspberry, the war in Iraq turned out, as my friend Jon taught me to say, to be a right abortion. Little of the apparent reasons for it seemed to have been dealt with, oil has increased dramatically so those who blame oil for the war should ask what benefits we've gained from pushing the price to double what it was. Saddam Hussein may have been a typical third world murderous dictator, but he wasn't threatening me, so all I can say is if that's a reason to go to war, why stop at him? And finally the country now seems in a far worse state than it was before, apart from the fact the killing is now being done by lunatics rather than the government. This wasn't about Iraq, but rather than be asked to justify my opinion later those are the main reasons for it.
But relating back to life in Kingsbury, I am close to the stage of forgetting what a girlfriend is for, and have totally given up any attempts to get one, as they make no difference to the results. I meet people from time to time, and if one of them is female and single, que sera sera. But go and look, unless you live in a country with singles bars, the American equivalent of going to Marks and Spencer's for clothes lined up in different sizes and colours, forget it, such a place is not in the British Isles as far as I know. Putting my wedding tackle on the line yet again, I have another little story on those lines where I'll have to be incredibly careful a person won't recognise herself. As she doesn't apparently read this I think I'll get away with it, though all I am about to say is highly complimentary it is still probably highly embarrassing for the woman in question.
The story starts with the current series of Dr Who. Bear with me, there's method in my madness. The actor playing the Doctor is a couple of years younger than me, the actress playing Rose, the goblin-featured Billie Piper probably a few years younger than the lady in question. With me so far? Currently there is a growing sexual tension between Rose and the Doctor, though in true British style the writers will wimp out of having a full (or quarter) on affair between a teenager and a man her late father's age. Certainly not on a kids' programme. Anyway. Rose has already dumped her original boyfriend, who is very similar to my own subject's one (not chucked though...). The Doctor has introduced Rose to a whole new world of travel through time and space, and I am doing what I can to help this person in her spiritual journey, as she had begun before I met her. It only started fitting together in the last episode that the three of us in so many ways reflected Rose, the Doctor and Micky, the ex, that I realised how similar the situations were. I suspect the Doctor 'would' at the drop of a hat, (though in his world he's actually 900 years old), though I can't see Rose having any of it. But the dancing scene pushed them one step closer to shared intimacy than before, and after a few drinks anything could now happen, though regretted the next day.
Goodness knows in reality if my woman (I'll have to invent a name for her) realises a light comes on every time I see her, and has ever since I saw her the first time. She's as far from my normal type as Rose is from the Doctor, totally opposite backgrounds and ages, but once we meet discover we do have a lot of interests in common behind the surface.
Now at my age time is running out, and I've been looking for long enough to both know what I want, and prepared to take a chance on anyone whose qualities include a few major good ones, and overlook all the others. Arranged and rushed weddings I've seen have shown time is no factor in assuring a good marriage, however long you've known someone before proposing has little effect on the quality of the marriage. So I would be happy to jump into a marriage with any of 100 women I know now (if they were single of course) as it could only be a million per cent improvement on now, even with a few holes in it. The wrong women piss me off so intensely or bore me it wouldn't take long to spot that so would never get close to being on the list. Others, sadly, have wonderful personalities but look so average I know each time I had sex it would be worse until I went off them altogether. Being a typical man I've been up this path so many times by taking what's on offer that I could never impose it on myself for life. I do know two such women now at least, and either would be good company, one is wild and interesting, the other calm and relaxing to be with. Neither are bad looking, but not good either. And of course I bet they're the ones who 'would' as well, partially as I don't care and partially because that's what usually happens.
The unnamed one (a good enough name) is actually gorgeous, not as gorgeous as many where I know her from in comparison, but so way over the pass level the fact there are a few others above makes little difference in feeling I'd missed out on someone better had I really got somewhere. That's a comment made purely from experience and knowing myself well enough to know what works and what doesn't. Her education is probably equal to my cat's, her social background somewhere beneath my cat's, but my reaction to her is hardly affected by this if at all. That's probably just her environment and in her heart there's actually an angel, which is what I am reacting to, and all the stuff on the surface that could easily put me off is just now part of her. So the bottom line is (inspired by reading a similar situation happening to a top reiki master, who's still married) if I was asked to marry her now, I'd say yes. Faults, differences, possible problems, brothers with weapons (aimed at me), family recriminations, age differences, educational chasm, apparent lack of conversation and shared interests etc etc., I'd do it. For after reeling off all the faults, every time I looked round I'd see the same incredible person I noticed from 50 feet away the first time I saw her, and my heart jumps every time I catch her walking past me, and this has been consistent for months now, and is growing (only on my side of course). This transcends every fault and detail, and if she did feel the same way would confirm it was the right thing to do, as she'd be aware of it as well. As there's no relationship in my life really, at least I can wax a bit poetic about one I'd jump into for life given a chance, as it's a little escape to the realms of fantasy, which is the only place I'll find a relationship at the moment.
Thursday, May 26, 2005
Freedom
Well, I'm still fairly free at the moment, the weather's temporarily good (according to the forecasts), and Funtrivia.com's down so I thought I'd come here and see what happened.
One bit of promising news is following my alien abduction hypnosis session (I still haven't mastered links, but it was early March 2005) which was filmed for Sky TV, they have now actually mocked up a model of the alien ship complete with little greys and filmed my subject in a local studio in a reconstruction of his abduction memory. This I can't wait to see. There are already a few celebrity abductees, such as Betty and Barney Hill, Linda Cortile and Betty Andreasson, and it looks like there's another in the making! I was also called by a producer for a new series looking at the effects of alleged abduction on people after the events, and I passed on a few names and details of my own findings. I don't think I'll be needed there for any actual filming, but who knows?
Otherwise I'm still living more 'in the moment', Big Brother starts tomorrow night so I'll be glued to that for the next ten weeks, with another trip to the end of series do outside the studio as the last two years. The garden is now clear after a final go with the strimmer and a blitz on foot high nettles and thistles, and I was finally able to have tea there for the first time this year. I have now got yet another 90 minute video to watch of people 'intersex' (like the first couple of programmes hadn't exhausted the complete subject already?)- I'll be fascinated to see if they can actually come up with a new angle on human beings who 'fall between the cracks', as musicians would put it. Maybe a graphic display of close-ups of the ambiguous sexual parts for over an hour? I expect that's what most people would find the most entertaining on such a topic, but it'll be the usual millisecond black and white shots of a vague furry appendage that could be growing in a garden for all we know, combined with alternate stories from the people and their families about their see-sawing decisions to appear male or female over the last thirty years, interspersed with experts with perfect genitalia, saying what a fascinating area it is to study (unless of course it happens to be your dick that looks like a little acorn with only one bollock).
Anyway, sadly entertainment in the 21st century has reverted to this, Big Brother and Bodger and Badger (thank goodness they're still making something I like from my past besides grange Hill, which has become a creepy monster since moving it to Liverpool). Well, as Funtrivia's down I won't be dwelling on the computer for the next hour and I'll go and watch my video. Luckily I won't be eating my meat and two veg while watching poor excuses for them.
One bit of promising news is following my alien abduction hypnosis session (I still haven't mastered links, but it was early March 2005) which was filmed for Sky TV, they have now actually mocked up a model of the alien ship complete with little greys and filmed my subject in a local studio in a reconstruction of his abduction memory. This I can't wait to see. There are already a few celebrity abductees, such as Betty and Barney Hill, Linda Cortile and Betty Andreasson, and it looks like there's another in the making! I was also called by a producer for a new series looking at the effects of alleged abduction on people after the events, and I passed on a few names and details of my own findings. I don't think I'll be needed there for any actual filming, but who knows?
Otherwise I'm still living more 'in the moment', Big Brother starts tomorrow night so I'll be glued to that for the next ten weeks, with another trip to the end of series do outside the studio as the last two years. The garden is now clear after a final go with the strimmer and a blitz on foot high nettles and thistles, and I was finally able to have tea there for the first time this year. I have now got yet another 90 minute video to watch of people 'intersex' (like the first couple of programmes hadn't exhausted the complete subject already?)- I'll be fascinated to see if they can actually come up with a new angle on human beings who 'fall between the cracks', as musicians would put it. Maybe a graphic display of close-ups of the ambiguous sexual parts for over an hour? I expect that's what most people would find the most entertaining on such a topic, but it'll be the usual millisecond black and white shots of a vague furry appendage that could be growing in a garden for all we know, combined with alternate stories from the people and their families about their see-sawing decisions to appear male or female over the last thirty years, interspersed with experts with perfect genitalia, saying what a fascinating area it is to study (unless of course it happens to be your dick that looks like a little acorn with only one bollock).
Anyway, sadly entertainment in the 21st century has reverted to this, Big Brother and Bodger and Badger (thank goodness they're still making something I like from my past besides grange Hill, which has become a creepy monster since moving it to Liverpool). Well, as Funtrivia's down I won't be dwelling on the computer for the next hour and I'll go and watch my video. Luckily I won't be eating my meat and two veg while watching poor excuses for them.
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
A little bit more politics
Having just heard Melanie Phillips, the world's most sensible journalist, had a blog www.melaniephillips.com/diary (no comment boxes though), and since I'd already quoted her in an earlier post about the election I sent her a link to it. I hope she likes it.
Inspired by what I read there it made me think. Somehow the incredible love affair our Labour politicians have with third-world causes is exposed by her for what it is, a peculiar wish to redesign British social structure to something like the mean streets of Teheran. Why, I cannot tell you. It's not a logical or direct reason, far from it. Long-distance remote influences are at work that have to go way behind the surface policy makers in government to the oil and weapons industries who contribute to keeping them in power. By placating and serving the interests of third world refugees, economic migrants and possibly even potential terrorists working from British locations, it not only diverts resources away from our poor and lower paid workers, but sets ethnic groups against ethnic groups, possibly preparing a much worse repeat of the Brixton riots with Muslims. They have already demonstrated in London outside the US embassy, technically breaking the law by inciting violent crime, but were overlooked by the police under orders not to touch them.
This is a clear sign these groups are part of a plan I have no concept of besides dividing the country into warring factions by deliberately favouring many people whose aims are to destroy society as we know it (for instance by trying to bring in sharia law, not that they ever will, but will make many enemies in saying so). They'll never be allowed to carry out these wishes, but by being allowed to freely express them (with a few token exceptions, ie Abu Hamza) they know they'll set the average Brit against them, along with diverting council money to house and provide economic migrants with transport, while waiting for a decision to stay or go (which will usually be ignored with little or no consequence should it be in the negative). Any schoolkid would know policies such as these would divide society against those waiting years for housing who now have to wait even longer, and those including many West Indians and Asians who came here some decades ago and never took a day's benefit but worked for their right to live here. Before the war, the few refugees then selectively allowed in were looked after by friends and family until they started earning themselves. Now, because there actually isn't enough to go round as it is (this is from the Chancellor's figures, which is why the new government will be cutting benefits and pensions better than any Tory one has in the past) you can't give everyone what they need. If this money was given to everyone equally, then it would be great that new comers to the country also got it. Unfortunately, in order to provide it for them now it has to be found by taking it away from others. I work with many ethnic centres here as a consultant to staff, and it's no secret some of the clients they work with all breathed a sigh of relief when Labour were re-elected, as they are so soft with immigrants. They know when they're being looked after, so rather than take the word of a native like me, ask someone who's in the system and openly taking it while the door is fully open for all it's offering. And who wouldn't?
So, the bottom line is, there's not enough money to go round, not enough space or infrastructure to support an increase in population (look at John Prescott's plans for hundreds of thousands of new houses), and the queues for public services such as council offices, medical treatment and job centres are now stretched to an almost infinite level, as the staff of the very places they are queuing in is probably being cut at a similar rate to the increase in arrivals. OK, someone in Balamory or Penzance won't be quite sure what I'm talking about, so far at least. But if anyone wants to take a nice day trip to Wembley and visit Brent Council offices, then take a look in the local medical centre, having taken in the delights of the High Road and Lidl will be able to feel the atmosphere I'm talking about directly. If there was enough money to go round for all, and wide open spaces (like in France, or better still Australia and America who's immigration policies would be like trying to break into a safe in comparison), I wouldn't be writing this at all. But what would be the reason a government, knowing this is exactly how most people (except the very wankers that voted for both them and Ken Livingstone again in London and push their views in the media and council chambers up and down the country) would feel, deliberately social engineer urban Britain into a chaotic war zone of assorted factions, encouraging scum like the BNP to justify their real racist views, normal middle class people to start complaining about the same things I am, and eventually put more and more of a strain on already bursting cities until they crack.
Everyone who cares to look will have a job to deny this, as all I do is collect pieces of data from official sources and personal observations, and to return to my original point, use my freedom to write here as one more way to remind people there's something very strange going on behind the scenes, at the moment it's not bad enough for anyone except in the affected areas to notice, but as it's due to a deliberate government plan, it can only continue to grow in the next four years. No one's able to do a bloody thing about it now, they're back and I can see populations rising, faceless housing estates spreading across the south of England, all transport charges increasing to possibly double (include public transport here, remember it's free market now and there to make a profit, not an economical trip), freedom of speech restricted relating to any religion, race or disability, existing technology used more and more to track all citizens (again, no idea what for), and race riots we've never seen the equal of before. The council tax revaluations are an excuse to raise everyone's taxes in one go, which is because the government save millions making councils raise tax directly instead of government grants. Pensions will be all but gone for all but the poorest, benefits will become harder to obtain, taxes will continue to rise as will house prices, eventually creating an economic crisis once the threshold is crossed when most people won't be able to repay their mortgage, and presumably once enough firms relocate their offices abroad or go bust like Rover did, unemployment will finally rise (oh, sorry, it never fell, people were just shifted to income support and incapacity benefit which isn't included, plus many more students), and what amazes me the most is this is all so predictable and planned. The existing policies can't go anywhere else.
How does this affect me? Well, as I've said, if I ever have to queue for any public service office, that's a lot more wasted time than before, which all adds up. It now takes me twice as long to travel anywhere in London compared to 15 years ago, on average. Petrol is now a much higher proportion of my weekly spending than it was before Labour got in. I no longer drive in central London as I'm not paying again to use roads I've paid for in road tax and petrol tax already. I am seeing people brainwashed by government spin who constantly try to justify every policy I've been picking apart as if anyone who disagrees with it must be a fascist. If someone repeats a lie often enough it'll never be the truth. But if enough people believe it, they'll keep supporting the people who are telling them. That's why I'm here doing this, not many people dare to in public (though they're all happy to with people they trust), so some poor bugger has to get shot down for doing so, and I'm one of them. I'm watching London fall apart in front of my eyes, not through poverty or neglect, but choice, and if I say nothing all I'm doing is being silenced. I don't care if one person agrees with a word I've said, but I'll challenge anyone to find many holes in it.
Inspired by what I read there it made me think. Somehow the incredible love affair our Labour politicians have with third-world causes is exposed by her for what it is, a peculiar wish to redesign British social structure to something like the mean streets of Teheran. Why, I cannot tell you. It's not a logical or direct reason, far from it. Long-distance remote influences are at work that have to go way behind the surface policy makers in government to the oil and weapons industries who contribute to keeping them in power. By placating and serving the interests of third world refugees, economic migrants and possibly even potential terrorists working from British locations, it not only diverts resources away from our poor and lower paid workers, but sets ethnic groups against ethnic groups, possibly preparing a much worse repeat of the Brixton riots with Muslims. They have already demonstrated in London outside the US embassy, technically breaking the law by inciting violent crime, but were overlooked by the police under orders not to touch them.
This is a clear sign these groups are part of a plan I have no concept of besides dividing the country into warring factions by deliberately favouring many people whose aims are to destroy society as we know it (for instance by trying to bring in sharia law, not that they ever will, but will make many enemies in saying so). They'll never be allowed to carry out these wishes, but by being allowed to freely express them (with a few token exceptions, ie Abu Hamza) they know they'll set the average Brit against them, along with diverting council money to house and provide economic migrants with transport, while waiting for a decision to stay or go (which will usually be ignored with little or no consequence should it be in the negative). Any schoolkid would know policies such as these would divide society against those waiting years for housing who now have to wait even longer, and those including many West Indians and Asians who came here some decades ago and never took a day's benefit but worked for their right to live here. Before the war, the few refugees then selectively allowed in were looked after by friends and family until they started earning themselves. Now, because there actually isn't enough to go round as it is (this is from the Chancellor's figures, which is why the new government will be cutting benefits and pensions better than any Tory one has in the past) you can't give everyone what they need. If this money was given to everyone equally, then it would be great that new comers to the country also got it. Unfortunately, in order to provide it for them now it has to be found by taking it away from others. I work with many ethnic centres here as a consultant to staff, and it's no secret some of the clients they work with all breathed a sigh of relief when Labour were re-elected, as they are so soft with immigrants. They know when they're being looked after, so rather than take the word of a native like me, ask someone who's in the system and openly taking it while the door is fully open for all it's offering. And who wouldn't?
So, the bottom line is, there's not enough money to go round, not enough space or infrastructure to support an increase in population (look at John Prescott's plans for hundreds of thousands of new houses), and the queues for public services such as council offices, medical treatment and job centres are now stretched to an almost infinite level, as the staff of the very places they are queuing in is probably being cut at a similar rate to the increase in arrivals. OK, someone in Balamory or Penzance won't be quite sure what I'm talking about, so far at least. But if anyone wants to take a nice day trip to Wembley and visit Brent Council offices, then take a look in the local medical centre, having taken in the delights of the High Road and Lidl will be able to feel the atmosphere I'm talking about directly. If there was enough money to go round for all, and wide open spaces (like in France, or better still Australia and America who's immigration policies would be like trying to break into a safe in comparison), I wouldn't be writing this at all. But what would be the reason a government, knowing this is exactly how most people (except the very wankers that voted for both them and Ken Livingstone again in London and push their views in the media and council chambers up and down the country) would feel, deliberately social engineer urban Britain into a chaotic war zone of assorted factions, encouraging scum like the BNP to justify their real racist views, normal middle class people to start complaining about the same things I am, and eventually put more and more of a strain on already bursting cities until they crack.
Everyone who cares to look will have a job to deny this, as all I do is collect pieces of data from official sources and personal observations, and to return to my original point, use my freedom to write here as one more way to remind people there's something very strange going on behind the scenes, at the moment it's not bad enough for anyone except in the affected areas to notice, but as it's due to a deliberate government plan, it can only continue to grow in the next four years. No one's able to do a bloody thing about it now, they're back and I can see populations rising, faceless housing estates spreading across the south of England, all transport charges increasing to possibly double (include public transport here, remember it's free market now and there to make a profit, not an economical trip), freedom of speech restricted relating to any religion, race or disability, existing technology used more and more to track all citizens (again, no idea what for), and race riots we've never seen the equal of before. The council tax revaluations are an excuse to raise everyone's taxes in one go, which is because the government save millions making councils raise tax directly instead of government grants. Pensions will be all but gone for all but the poorest, benefits will become harder to obtain, taxes will continue to rise as will house prices, eventually creating an economic crisis once the threshold is crossed when most people won't be able to repay their mortgage, and presumably once enough firms relocate their offices abroad or go bust like Rover did, unemployment will finally rise (oh, sorry, it never fell, people were just shifted to income support and incapacity benefit which isn't included, plus many more students), and what amazes me the most is this is all so predictable and planned. The existing policies can't go anywhere else.
How does this affect me? Well, as I've said, if I ever have to queue for any public service office, that's a lot more wasted time than before, which all adds up. It now takes me twice as long to travel anywhere in London compared to 15 years ago, on average. Petrol is now a much higher proportion of my weekly spending than it was before Labour got in. I no longer drive in central London as I'm not paying again to use roads I've paid for in road tax and petrol tax already. I am seeing people brainwashed by government spin who constantly try to justify every policy I've been picking apart as if anyone who disagrees with it must be a fascist. If someone repeats a lie often enough it'll never be the truth. But if enough people believe it, they'll keep supporting the people who are telling them. That's why I'm here doing this, not many people dare to in public (though they're all happy to with people they trust), so some poor bugger has to get shot down for doing so, and I'm one of them. I'm watching London fall apart in front of my eyes, not through poverty or neglect, but choice, and if I say nothing all I'm doing is being silenced. I don't care if one person agrees with a word I've said, but I'll challenge anyone to find many holes in it.
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
Negative and positive
From the title above, I've noticed a blog can sometimes act like a mirror into the soul of the writer, and realised I'd slipped into an awful downer, seeing life from a view of somewhere north of hell, which is a place I hadn't operated from since picking myself out of it as a teenager. I know how I got there, and can also see it's catching in susceptible people, so will now see how long I can last not seeing life as a disease to be cured but as somewhere which still has the potential it used to for me until I slipped back into that frame of mind.
Anyway, since last time there's precious little to report, that's not being negative, just accurate. I got my golf clubs out again for the first time in a few years (mainly due to flooding from the continually rainy periods we've had for ages), many courses don't recover quickly and remain like swamps for a few days, by which time it had usually started raining all over again. The last time I had to borrow someone's clothes on the way home as I looked like I'd fallen in a river. I'd recently found a practice green so I could actually try my chip shots over and over again (with my father's expert tuition) until I could both chip nicely onto the green and out of the sand. I should return for a full 9 holes soon if the dry weather lasts long enough.
On the positive, I am pretty free at the moment, and able to do more or less anything I want without obligations on my time, which despite a limited repertoire of opportunities (why do you think I write here so much) is far better than the opposite situation. Another aspect of this is because I have literally nothing ahead of me (I always did in reality, but as I've got no official plans it's now clearly apparent) I'm far more able to stay present in the moment and not let my attention wastefully drift into the future. Circumstances have been created that are ideal to ignore the future and I'm putting more and more of my attention into the present. This means my limited total attention is now far stronger and focussed and not dissipated into daydreams about how tomorrow may turn out.
I have also read a pile of books on the unified field of consciousness and enlightenment (two aspects of the same thing) which indicate mainstream authors and researchers are moving way ahead with their understanding and discovery of what's behind the supernatural. If this reached a logical ending as a result, all my own work as a researcher would be over as a unified field of consciousness would be a demonstrable fact that we could all easily access and become aware of, which would technically raise our consciousness to a level of creator, and make it impossible to lie as anyone could discover the truth about anything instantly just by tuning in to the answer. We can't yet wake from the dream as living human beings, but by discovering the nature of it and how to allow it to unfold consciously instead of being a helpless witness we'd all be able to enjoy it to the full. Religions who speak of heaven are actually referring to this, which some believe will only be available to the worthy after death, but would actually be a fulfillment of the true potential of what we call physical life.
Hopefully the progress of the existing research will continue far enough in the same direction to finally break through the limits of physical matter into the realms behind it, where literally anything is possible. All hallucinogenic drugs will instantly become obsolete when people are able to travel out of body at will, communicate by telepathy and probably discover any fact they wish to know by asking the consciousness field the answer. If this sounds crazy, just watch the current leading researchers until one of them gets their ideas onto the mainstream TV. They are beginning to confirm ideas I've been putting together gradually piece by piece for 15 or so years. So far no one's been able to stand up and demonstrate any of these abilities, which is why it remains in the shadows of new age literature and websites, but the plus side is they are now finding logical causes for these abilities, and if they find ways to allow people to access these abilities it'll be pretty easy for anyone to try it out themself.
I just discovered my great hero Melanie Phillips the straight-talking journalist has a blog, which inspired me to write the incredibly right-wing sounding post that follows. But pull it apart into its individual elements and all I'm saying is certain elements are being deliberately introduced to cause problems and I'd be interested to know why. If anyone doesn't see any of the things as problems, fine, but as it's coming out of my time and taking more of my money it's sure a problem for me. And as anyone pays transport and housing bills whether public or private, you're all paying more, and everyone has to have medical treatment sooner or later you're all losing more of your time waiting in queues. So how can that not be a problem?
Anyway, that's where I was coming from there, before I get another slew of hate mail (how I love freedom of speech, as in being able to have it you also have to be open to receive it as well).
Anyway, since last time there's precious little to report, that's not being negative, just accurate. I got my golf clubs out again for the first time in a few years (mainly due to flooding from the continually rainy periods we've had for ages), many courses don't recover quickly and remain like swamps for a few days, by which time it had usually started raining all over again. The last time I had to borrow someone's clothes on the way home as I looked like I'd fallen in a river. I'd recently found a practice green so I could actually try my chip shots over and over again (with my father's expert tuition) until I could both chip nicely onto the green and out of the sand. I should return for a full 9 holes soon if the dry weather lasts long enough.
On the positive, I am pretty free at the moment, and able to do more or less anything I want without obligations on my time, which despite a limited repertoire of opportunities (why do you think I write here so much) is far better than the opposite situation. Another aspect of this is because I have literally nothing ahead of me (I always did in reality, but as I've got no official plans it's now clearly apparent) I'm far more able to stay present in the moment and not let my attention wastefully drift into the future. Circumstances have been created that are ideal to ignore the future and I'm putting more and more of my attention into the present. This means my limited total attention is now far stronger and focussed and not dissipated into daydreams about how tomorrow may turn out.
I have also read a pile of books on the unified field of consciousness and enlightenment (two aspects of the same thing) which indicate mainstream authors and researchers are moving way ahead with their understanding and discovery of what's behind the supernatural. If this reached a logical ending as a result, all my own work as a researcher would be over as a unified field of consciousness would be a demonstrable fact that we could all easily access and become aware of, which would technically raise our consciousness to a level of creator, and make it impossible to lie as anyone could discover the truth about anything instantly just by tuning in to the answer. We can't yet wake from the dream as living human beings, but by discovering the nature of it and how to allow it to unfold consciously instead of being a helpless witness we'd all be able to enjoy it to the full. Religions who speak of heaven are actually referring to this, which some believe will only be available to the worthy after death, but would actually be a fulfillment of the true potential of what we call physical life.
Hopefully the progress of the existing research will continue far enough in the same direction to finally break through the limits of physical matter into the realms behind it, where literally anything is possible. All hallucinogenic drugs will instantly become obsolete when people are able to travel out of body at will, communicate by telepathy and probably discover any fact they wish to know by asking the consciousness field the answer. If this sounds crazy, just watch the current leading researchers until one of them gets their ideas onto the mainstream TV. They are beginning to confirm ideas I've been putting together gradually piece by piece for 15 or so years. So far no one's been able to stand up and demonstrate any of these abilities, which is why it remains in the shadows of new age literature and websites, but the plus side is they are now finding logical causes for these abilities, and if they find ways to allow people to access these abilities it'll be pretty easy for anyone to try it out themself.
I just discovered my great hero Melanie Phillips the straight-talking journalist has a blog, which inspired me to write the incredibly right-wing sounding post that follows. But pull it apart into its individual elements and all I'm saying is certain elements are being deliberately introduced to cause problems and I'd be interested to know why. If anyone doesn't see any of the things as problems, fine, but as it's coming out of my time and taking more of my money it's sure a problem for me. And as anyone pays transport and housing bills whether public or private, you're all paying more, and everyone has to have medical treatment sooner or later you're all losing more of your time waiting in queues. So how can that not be a problem?
Anyway, that's where I was coming from there, before I get another slew of hate mail (how I love freedom of speech, as in being able to have it you also have to be open to receive it as well).
Thursday, May 19, 2005
One more
No, not one more post, though that is true as well, but one more enlightened teacher from the UK who teaches in plain English with no frilly extra bits added either.
My observation is that there is the long awaited awakening new agers have predicted since the hippies in the 60s. My original masters were Maharaji, who had to bring his own methods to the west uniquely from India in 1971 at the age of 14 (though Charananand, who assessed us 27 years later was actually sent ahead a year earlier to teach on his behalf, despite not yet knowing a word of English). My second (as a form of insurance) was the long-since dead Yogananda, who took a similar journey some thirty years earlier. I still follow Maharaji as it works, but was introduced to advaita soon afterwards and encouraged to see the rag-tag bunch of mainly worldwide teachers teaching bits of the picture in flowery or obscure ways. Tony Parsons and Douglas Harding were the main two Brits, having seen Tony a couple of times I could see he already had cut through most of the crap the others were still putting in their teaching, and he duly criticised many of them for doing so.
Then suddenly in the new millenium, one by one local men in their 30s or so are popping up with superior advaita (my label, they don't use one) and more or less saying the same thing in the same way. First Nick Roach, who I've already written extensively about, and now someone I always believed to be an academic writer, Timothy Freke. I just did as he recommended and read his new book 'Lucid living' in one go, his 'less than an hour' turned out to be closer to 15 minutes, but it summed up the classical view of what is called by masters 'the truth', and I am now predicting masters of this calibre will be arriving at an exponential rate.
Meanwhile, on the other side of the coin, the latest book by Hazel Courteney, 'Evidence for the sixth sense' presents David Icke's view of a man/God made projected universe (as Timothy Freke does) but with professorial research that has found matter follows mind. This means we create our own world through choice, either subconsciously as we normally do, or consciously, as masters do. OK, we're always in a dream, but we may as well become aware of it, enjoy it, and if we can, piss around with it and have some fun. But the 'Unified theory' covering all science, natural and currently supernatural, and supported by quantum experiments appears to be almost here, the best work I've found is Dr Fred Travis who appears to have proved enlightenment scientifically.
http://www.istpp.org/enews/2002_05_30.html
I personally plan to levitate, disappear, see every dimension around me including the entities who live there and communicate with them, walk through walls, and that's just on Monday. Tony Parsons says everything's perfect just as it is, as many enlightened teachers also say, but I have far more of an adventurous wish, and maybe I'll part the English Channel on Tuesday. Meanwhile I'll just write on the computer as bloody usual...
Maharaji, early 70s
Charananand is sitting to his right, taken in London soon after his arrival in the country.
My observation is that there is the long awaited awakening new agers have predicted since the hippies in the 60s. My original masters were Maharaji, who had to bring his own methods to the west uniquely from India in 1971 at the age of 14 (though Charananand, who assessed us 27 years later was actually sent ahead a year earlier to teach on his behalf, despite not yet knowing a word of English). My second (as a form of insurance) was the long-since dead Yogananda, who took a similar journey some thirty years earlier. I still follow Maharaji as it works, but was introduced to advaita soon afterwards and encouraged to see the rag-tag bunch of mainly worldwide teachers teaching bits of the picture in flowery or obscure ways. Tony Parsons and Douglas Harding were the main two Brits, having seen Tony a couple of times I could see he already had cut through most of the crap the others were still putting in their teaching, and he duly criticised many of them for doing so.
Then suddenly in the new millenium, one by one local men in their 30s or so are popping up with superior advaita (my label, they don't use one) and more or less saying the same thing in the same way. First Nick Roach, who I've already written extensively about, and now someone I always believed to be an academic writer, Timothy Freke. I just did as he recommended and read his new book 'Lucid living' in one go, his 'less than an hour' turned out to be closer to 15 minutes, but it summed up the classical view of what is called by masters 'the truth', and I am now predicting masters of this calibre will be arriving at an exponential rate.
Meanwhile, on the other side of the coin, the latest book by Hazel Courteney, 'Evidence for the sixth sense' presents David Icke's view of a man/God made projected universe (as Timothy Freke does) but with professorial research that has found matter follows mind. This means we create our own world through choice, either subconsciously as we normally do, or consciously, as masters do. OK, we're always in a dream, but we may as well become aware of it, enjoy it, and if we can, piss around with it and have some fun. But the 'Unified theory' covering all science, natural and currently supernatural, and supported by quantum experiments appears to be almost here, the best work I've found is Dr Fred Travis who appears to have proved enlightenment scientifically.
http://www.istpp.org/enews/2002_05_30.html
I personally plan to levitate, disappear, see every dimension around me including the entities who live there and communicate with them, walk through walls, and that's just on Monday. Tony Parsons says everything's perfect just as it is, as many enlightened teachers also say, but I have far more of an adventurous wish, and maybe I'll part the English Channel on Tuesday. Meanwhile I'll just write on the computer as bloody usual...
Maharaji, early 70s
Charananand is sitting to his right, taken in London soon after his arrival in the country.
Crazy frog? Bollocks to it!
I don't feel good filching other people's links, but seriously believe the more people hear this rival ringtone to the crazy frog and his equally frightening family the sooner they'll cope with the constant repetition on every TV station 24/7. OK, by the way, if you don't like the sort of words heard in school playgrounds, maybe don't try it...
http://www.headstaggers.com/?shoe=flash&moo=show&id=22
http://www.headstaggers.com/?shoe=flash&moo=show&id=22
Free association
As I had quite a busy day but with little that makes entertaining viewing but there's nothing on TV I'll go back to Freudian ideas and use his original form of therapy, free association.
Though I hate to even give them the oxygen of acknowledgement (to paraphrase Mrs Thatcher yet again...) there are a few bad apples out there that really spoil the internet. Why are blogs here? It's probably the most open form of free speech ever available worldwide. So some shitheads come along and do what Russia used to and try and ruin it. It's literally like coming home to find the cat's crapped on the carpet and have to clear it up before I can do anything else. Very satisfying, I don't think. Whatever people think of my blogs (and I do get a few complimentary emails as well), turning a private website into a public forum for insults says far more about the sickness of the commenter than the poster. I think that just about covers it, and if anyone else has an opinion don't save it for Christmas, let everyone see it here.
Back to normal life, I think it's time I summed up my philosophy more basically than usual. Behind the details, I don't take anything too seriously and believe in hedonism. That's not to say I don't take anything seriously, I just save it for things that threaten our pleasure such as illness and injury, and leave the rest for the pedants and miseries to worry about. But that's not 'too' seriously, as I said, just as seriously as it warrants.
But being a hedonist, anyone who tries to threaten these freedoms I do take seriously, as my life is short and I don't want restrictions placed on it to force me not to do certain things, is a pain in the arse.
Therefore I am also of the opinion that laws should protect life and property. Morals are for the people to choose and apply as they wish. Though many top academics agree with me, 99% of the population are not academics and vote for tougher laws on everything, so people who are mainly interested in power, ie most of our MPs, could never advocate liberaling prostitution, for example, as the masses would never vote them in. I won't get any deeper into the politics as bookshops have been written already on this stuff and nothing I add could be original. But I just wanted to summarise what drives my enthusiasm for complaining.
Secondly, whether it exists or not, I am aiming to leave the three dimensional physical world to a flexible one of many dimensions. The serious lack of evidence for this as I write is only an incentive to look harder, and since I have I can only say from personal experience a few absolute truths:
1) If you meditate (and are lucky with it) you will reach highs you'll never know of otherwise. Our consciousness is far more open to expansion than most people will ever know.
2) Physically, sexual excitement is relatively local. Try a bit of tantric meditation (alone and using breath not hands) and if you break through, this feeling is liberated throughout the body and can easily last for hours. Again, few people realise this and even fewer have experienced it.
3) Once you learn how, everything is surrounded by visible energy. I've only seen it a few times, but once you've seen it you know if you can keep it up most of the time, you'll always see it. Each form has its own, people tend to have more the traditional coloured auras, but at night trees give off a white vibration more of a crystalline nature. And places where people have sat give off a white smoke from their energy left behind.
Because these three senses were opened up to me I know however hard it is, that at least is open to me, and that has to be the tip of the iceberg. Even opening up these abilities at will and for longer durations would drastically improve the quality of my life, and anything else that may happen next will be even better.
So small minded cretins whose rare pleasure is dissing other people they just don't and can't ever understand is a small fleabite compared to the real stuff of life, and only necessary as a sign of a flawed character. If I was enlightened I wouldn't even respond to any of it, but as that particular state of being remains a theory, I can only follow my lower instinct and rise to the bait just a little. If I attract more as a result, big fucking deal, I really couldn't care any more.
Though I hate to even give them the oxygen of acknowledgement (to paraphrase Mrs Thatcher yet again...) there are a few bad apples out there that really spoil the internet. Why are blogs here? It's probably the most open form of free speech ever available worldwide. So some shitheads come along and do what Russia used to and try and ruin it. It's literally like coming home to find the cat's crapped on the carpet and have to clear it up before I can do anything else. Very satisfying, I don't think. Whatever people think of my blogs (and I do get a few complimentary emails as well), turning a private website into a public forum for insults says far more about the sickness of the commenter than the poster. I think that just about covers it, and if anyone else has an opinion don't save it for Christmas, let everyone see it here.
Back to normal life, I think it's time I summed up my philosophy more basically than usual. Behind the details, I don't take anything too seriously and believe in hedonism. That's not to say I don't take anything seriously, I just save it for things that threaten our pleasure such as illness and injury, and leave the rest for the pedants and miseries to worry about. But that's not 'too' seriously, as I said, just as seriously as it warrants.
But being a hedonist, anyone who tries to threaten these freedoms I do take seriously, as my life is short and I don't want restrictions placed on it to force me not to do certain things, is a pain in the arse.
Therefore I am also of the opinion that laws should protect life and property. Morals are for the people to choose and apply as they wish. Though many top academics agree with me, 99% of the population are not academics and vote for tougher laws on everything, so people who are mainly interested in power, ie most of our MPs, could never advocate liberaling prostitution, for example, as the masses would never vote them in. I won't get any deeper into the politics as bookshops have been written already on this stuff and nothing I add could be original. But I just wanted to summarise what drives my enthusiasm for complaining.
Secondly, whether it exists or not, I am aiming to leave the three dimensional physical world to a flexible one of many dimensions. The serious lack of evidence for this as I write is only an incentive to look harder, and since I have I can only say from personal experience a few absolute truths:
1) If you meditate (and are lucky with it) you will reach highs you'll never know of otherwise. Our consciousness is far more open to expansion than most people will ever know.
2) Physically, sexual excitement is relatively local. Try a bit of tantric meditation (alone and using breath not hands) and if you break through, this feeling is liberated throughout the body and can easily last for hours. Again, few people realise this and even fewer have experienced it.
3) Once you learn how, everything is surrounded by visible energy. I've only seen it a few times, but once you've seen it you know if you can keep it up most of the time, you'll always see it. Each form has its own, people tend to have more the traditional coloured auras, but at night trees give off a white vibration more of a crystalline nature. And places where people have sat give off a white smoke from their energy left behind.
Because these three senses were opened up to me I know however hard it is, that at least is open to me, and that has to be the tip of the iceberg. Even opening up these abilities at will and for longer durations would drastically improve the quality of my life, and anything else that may happen next will be even better.
So small minded cretins whose rare pleasure is dissing other people they just don't and can't ever understand is a small fleabite compared to the real stuff of life, and only necessary as a sign of a flawed character. If I was enlightened I wouldn't even respond to any of it, but as that particular state of being remains a theory, I can only follow my lower instinct and rise to the bait just a little. If I attract more as a result, big fucking deal, I really couldn't care any more.
Saturday, May 14, 2005
Brainwashed
Following the announcement of the British opt-out from the maximum 48 hour working week being one step closer to abolition, I was horrified to hear the majority of callers to the radio complain about it. Of course, you think, these are employers angry about not being able to continue to treat their staff in Dickensian ways, revived under Margaret Thatcher's influence (who I admit I did vote for at the time, she wasn't all bad). But no, it was the staff!
Go back a few thousand years to Egypt. The Jews, enslaved by Pharoah are to be rescued after many years by Moses, but no, their leaders say, we have worked long and hard to gain these conditions under pharaoh. We earn enough salt and rice to survive to at least the age of 30, and if Moses liberates us we may die of inactivity!
Thank goodness that was a dream... but no, it wasn't! The modern day slaves are actually voting for slavery! Originally I thought it was one or two cranks who weren't well, until after a week of discussions it turned out the research the Russians and hypnotists had done was wrong. People can be brainwashed!
The basic thrust was they believed they needed to work inhuman hours as they wouldn't survive otherwise. Clearly no idea of economics, or common sense. With the working time directive we also had a minimum wage we didn't opt of. So it IS possible to work a basic week without starving. Amazing, isn't it!
What, you ask? House prices? Who decides them? The twats who are working long hours mainly, that's who! Not the government or the estate agents or Europe, the home owners themselves. So if wages do drop slightly as the employers are forced to take on a few more staff everyone will be affected and prices will drop. Simple economics. Anyway, I think to 99% of the people I'm stating the obvious. Some may even say these apparent idiots are planted to fulfil a campaign by the employers themselves, but I doubt that would get very far. So the only conclusion is these people have been gradually brainwashed to believe they have to work long hours or starve.
I personally fear Europe's power over us, but of course any monster has to come up with good ideas as well and this just happened to be one of them. The continentals work on average far less than 48 hours a week, and guess what, they survive. If wages drop, so will prices. Ask any 14 year old doing GCSE economics. Market forces, and under socialism many of the lowest paid would be subsidised as well. No problem, no poverty. These people have really worried me severely, as it shows the intelligence and sanity of the masses is far lower than I thought. Maybe they actually need a massive nanny state to stop them falling over a cliff. Sad, isn't it.
Go back a few thousand years to Egypt. The Jews, enslaved by Pharoah are to be rescued after many years by Moses, but no, their leaders say, we have worked long and hard to gain these conditions under pharaoh. We earn enough salt and rice to survive to at least the age of 30, and if Moses liberates us we may die of inactivity!
Thank goodness that was a dream... but no, it wasn't! The modern day slaves are actually voting for slavery! Originally I thought it was one or two cranks who weren't well, until after a week of discussions it turned out the research the Russians and hypnotists had done was wrong. People can be brainwashed!
The basic thrust was they believed they needed to work inhuman hours as they wouldn't survive otherwise. Clearly no idea of economics, or common sense. With the working time directive we also had a minimum wage we didn't opt of. So it IS possible to work a basic week without starving. Amazing, isn't it!
What, you ask? House prices? Who decides them? The twats who are working long hours mainly, that's who! Not the government or the estate agents or Europe, the home owners themselves. So if wages do drop slightly as the employers are forced to take on a few more staff everyone will be affected and prices will drop. Simple economics. Anyway, I think to 99% of the people I'm stating the obvious. Some may even say these apparent idiots are planted to fulfil a campaign by the employers themselves, but I doubt that would get very far. So the only conclusion is these people have been gradually brainwashed to believe they have to work long hours or starve.
I personally fear Europe's power over us, but of course any monster has to come up with good ideas as well and this just happened to be one of them. The continentals work on average far less than 48 hours a week, and guess what, they survive. If wages drop, so will prices. Ask any 14 year old doing GCSE economics. Market forces, and under socialism many of the lowest paid would be subsidised as well. No problem, no poverty. These people have really worried me severely, as it shows the intelligence and sanity of the masses is far lower than I thought. Maybe they actually need a massive nanny state to stop them falling over a cliff. Sad, isn't it.
Friday, May 13, 2005
Nothing but trivia
Well, I'm free at last, sod all to do with it now... A series of intermittent crap events have been happening ever since though, I just have to deal with them individually but apart from that I've had very little to do besides trivial rubbish.
In the last few days my grandma's now famous watch packed up again, followed by my computer. But the good news was both were fixed while I waited at no cost, unlike the first times these were minor glitches with major effects. So I was driving like a lunatic between Kenton and Golders Green, and then to my grandma to deliver the watch. I'm sorry that's all I can report, that's all there is at the moment, I really do have to up my meditation as the whole point is it's a practice that works independently of what's going on in your life or not. Anyway, it's such a relief to get my computer back, I was without it since 8pm last night and as there was nothing on TV I really struggled to think of anything else to do. I actually spent 4 hours trying to fix it, ran every programme I could between freezes but nothing worked, it turned out the mouse had worn out (too many video games I suppose) and has the ability to crash the whole system until it's replaced.
So, philosophy today? I have little to work on. I did notice that my current situations reflect in my general attitude to life, so if one bad thing is happening I tend to see the whole of life in that context. I didn't always, but now there's no one or little else to distract me, all my awareness is focused on whatever's going on at the moment, and when it's not up to much, then life feels like it.
Meanwhile now I'm free the people I couldn't see when I wasn't have somehow evaporated. So yesterday night I was sitting twiddling my thumbs (no computer to occupy them, or TV remote), and now I've become invisible. The one high spot was a caller to LBC, our local phone in station, who I emailed in November after hearing her for 20 years actually replied to me with apologies for the delay. She was my favourite caller of all time, as she made everything she said sound so interesting that it inspired me to see similar interest in everyday things myself. With one of the sexiest voices on radio as well. Maybe she'll reach my blog sooner or later to read it as well. The week ahead (I can't really know, but there's a skeleton of plans) seems a continuation of the same, though to be honest the next 40 years does.
I'll conclude this post with a reply to anyone with advice (in advance). My observations of social interaction, having been part of various community centres all my life is thus. You join a community centre normally as part of a class of people with a common interest. In the first few meetings you classify everyone into the people you'd rather have the least and most to do with, and I can say that in all the years of art, pottery, geology, gym, shamanic practice, meditation and voluntary work, as well as my years of postgrad studies I may have made a couple of new friends and no girlfriends (this wasn't because I suck but the lack of single women). Most of my friends were picked up from school, my annual holiday in Devon, and my parent's friends' children. Singles groups are even worse, certainly in England, as there are so few, most are spread far and wide and very few people are under 50 in the few I ever tried. Basically I'm not avoiding or missing any opportunity. If I do a class now I do it for the subject, not the talent. So as things are, I see it as the weather, I don't try and control it, don't worry about other's predictions as they're rarely accurate, and just have to carry on and take whatever it presents. Every now and then we get a really good day when we're not working and somewhere to make the most of it, and that's the same with other opportunities. They just drop in to your life. Miracles aren't created by planning, money is. Business and pleasure, opposite rules for both. See, once I start the philosophy is never far beneath the surface. I just hope it's actually helpful to anyone who reads it as well, I don't write it for my own benefit as I know it already.
In the last few days my grandma's now famous watch packed up again, followed by my computer. But the good news was both were fixed while I waited at no cost, unlike the first times these were minor glitches with major effects. So I was driving like a lunatic between Kenton and Golders Green, and then to my grandma to deliver the watch. I'm sorry that's all I can report, that's all there is at the moment, I really do have to up my meditation as the whole point is it's a practice that works independently of what's going on in your life or not. Anyway, it's such a relief to get my computer back, I was without it since 8pm last night and as there was nothing on TV I really struggled to think of anything else to do. I actually spent 4 hours trying to fix it, ran every programme I could between freezes but nothing worked, it turned out the mouse had worn out (too many video games I suppose) and has the ability to crash the whole system until it's replaced.
So, philosophy today? I have little to work on. I did notice that my current situations reflect in my general attitude to life, so if one bad thing is happening I tend to see the whole of life in that context. I didn't always, but now there's no one or little else to distract me, all my awareness is focused on whatever's going on at the moment, and when it's not up to much, then life feels like it.
Meanwhile now I'm free the people I couldn't see when I wasn't have somehow evaporated. So yesterday night I was sitting twiddling my thumbs (no computer to occupy them, or TV remote), and now I've become invisible. The one high spot was a caller to LBC, our local phone in station, who I emailed in November after hearing her for 20 years actually replied to me with apologies for the delay. She was my favourite caller of all time, as she made everything she said sound so interesting that it inspired me to see similar interest in everyday things myself. With one of the sexiest voices on radio as well. Maybe she'll reach my blog sooner or later to read it as well. The week ahead (I can't really know, but there's a skeleton of plans) seems a continuation of the same, though to be honest the next 40 years does.
I'll conclude this post with a reply to anyone with advice (in advance). My observations of social interaction, having been part of various community centres all my life is thus. You join a community centre normally as part of a class of people with a common interest. In the first few meetings you classify everyone into the people you'd rather have the least and most to do with, and I can say that in all the years of art, pottery, geology, gym, shamanic practice, meditation and voluntary work, as well as my years of postgrad studies I may have made a couple of new friends and no girlfriends (this wasn't because I suck but the lack of single women). Most of my friends were picked up from school, my annual holiday in Devon, and my parent's friends' children. Singles groups are even worse, certainly in England, as there are so few, most are spread far and wide and very few people are under 50 in the few I ever tried. Basically I'm not avoiding or missing any opportunity. If I do a class now I do it for the subject, not the talent. So as things are, I see it as the weather, I don't try and control it, don't worry about other's predictions as they're rarely accurate, and just have to carry on and take whatever it presents. Every now and then we get a really good day when we're not working and somewhere to make the most of it, and that's the same with other opportunities. They just drop in to your life. Miracles aren't created by planning, money is. Business and pleasure, opposite rules for both. See, once I start the philosophy is never far beneath the surface. I just hope it's actually helpful to anyone who reads it as well, I don't write it for my own benefit as I know it already.
Sunday, May 08, 2005
Inspiration
Alcohol? Who needs alcohol! I have found blogging has the same effect on myself and many others of reducing virtually all inhibitions, and allows years of suppressed emotions and thoughts to flood out on the page, and long may it continue. It probably not only reduces our blood pressure but may even entertain a few other people as well.
Following from that idea, I was just highly entertained by a fellow bloggers entries (I'm sure he knows who he is, I won't name him in case), and haven't seen such unrestrained filth for years. But as a mirror it only reflected what was also in my own soul, which is why I found it so entertaining. I am restrained here in politeness (not sure why actually, probably the way I was brought up) but have had to reel back my unrestraint in mental catharsis as if this was my therapist I was speaking to. Giving truth drugs, alcohol or LSD will have similar effects, but we don't need poison, just give us an empty page and a keyboard and the gates shall open.
Saying that, what is my catharsis today? Resolving conflict, as the vicar says, is todays sermon theme. Why? Because that's what's happening with a number of people at the moment. I said earlier I have problems communicating to people who are being a pain but may explode if mentioned directly. Well I tried dropping hints, which had no effect, and then just laid low. That just delayed the same effect, resulting in calls eventually 'Where are you' etc. So I had to say why. Believe me, some people really had no idea they weren't actually everyone's best friend and welcome partner, and couldn't understand what it was about them that made me prefer my computer. But the good news is they haven't left in disgust, but all made efforts to resolve the situation sooner or later. There is some meeting point in the middle, and though I am happy to let people go with no hard feelings, others would prefer to make a big deal of it. I've been 'let go' hundreds of times and as people are in too high a supply to ever be short of new ones, I see it as moving on. Of course, when people you like leave the country or die it's different, as it leaves a hole, but it still can't be changed and the new people are different but still can fill the hole more or less.
Back to the inspiration, the scatological humour I read isn't that far from my own, though there are really only so many ways of recycling faeces and other bodily excreta before you reach the start again. Just seeing someone write about farts can sometimes set me off when I'm in the right mood anyway, but I do know Monty Python, which made me laugh more than just about anything else (though I was in my early teens and younger) didn't use any rude words. Many since have, and also been hilarious, it just showed they could be without as well. I can do it if encouraged, more in the childish 9 year old 'What's that smell?' sort of way. The Mexican comedian who simply reels off lists of rude words has me in stitches, no real jokes, just lists of slang words for whatever part of the body he's mentioning. We are simple souls at heart, and my sense of humour was permanently regressed when a group of kids on holiday still wanted me to repeat my old routine the year after I'd stopped finding it funny. How was I to deny the laughter of a bunch of 12 year olds with the simple mention of piles and manure. Of course, after a few minutes I was back into it all myself, and never got out of it. The simple things, and what could be easier to laugh at than that? No need for alcohol, just hear a fart and crap yourself laughing.
While I'm here, a few more relevant observations, the phrase 'Going to the toilet in your pants' is a complete misnomer. You can't do both, can you? What, of course, it actually means is 'Going number ones/twos in your pants' but the British, who always remove one phrase for another on a 'higher level' eg 'Crippled > Handicapped > Disabled > Differently abled... ad infinitum/nauseam. Please, spastic, cripple, mongol, moron, imbecile, see,I said them. These were medical terms not so long ago with specific meanings. Get a few million kids who pick them up and use them in the playground and the whole of medical terminology has to be rewritten. In a few years they'll still have to change 'you bloody ethnic minority' or 'you differently gendered person' once they in turn are the going terms for what we call 'foreigners' or 'transsexuals'. That's human nature and the PC brigade can't deny or fight against it. We breathe, we comment on people who are different. That's how it is, that's how it's always been. It doesn't mean a lot as if we go to the countries of those we insult here they'll more than likely do the same to us. Or even blow us up if they put their money where there mouth is. I'm not going to fight human nature en masse, just deal with any example directed at myself man to man. That's the best any of us can do. So George Galloway our latest madman in power can piss off to the Middle East, convert to Islam and practice there what he preaches here. But he won't, he's just happy to fuel his obsession with Islam from home and god forbid actually live in an Islamic country. He's obviously profiting from this attitude somehow as it's clearly not just a personal quest, but it's just a sad example of the sort of difference between who should be running a country and who actually is. Thank goodness the internet's still free speech or I'd be in the cells already...
Following from that idea, I was just highly entertained by a fellow bloggers entries (I'm sure he knows who he is, I won't name him in case), and haven't seen such unrestrained filth for years. But as a mirror it only reflected what was also in my own soul, which is why I found it so entertaining. I am restrained here in politeness (not sure why actually, probably the way I was brought up) but have had to reel back my unrestraint in mental catharsis as if this was my therapist I was speaking to. Giving truth drugs, alcohol or LSD will have similar effects, but we don't need poison, just give us an empty page and a keyboard and the gates shall open.
Saying that, what is my catharsis today? Resolving conflict, as the vicar says, is todays sermon theme. Why? Because that's what's happening with a number of people at the moment. I said earlier I have problems communicating to people who are being a pain but may explode if mentioned directly. Well I tried dropping hints, which had no effect, and then just laid low. That just delayed the same effect, resulting in calls eventually 'Where are you' etc. So I had to say why. Believe me, some people really had no idea they weren't actually everyone's best friend and welcome partner, and couldn't understand what it was about them that made me prefer my computer. But the good news is they haven't left in disgust, but all made efforts to resolve the situation sooner or later. There is some meeting point in the middle, and though I am happy to let people go with no hard feelings, others would prefer to make a big deal of it. I've been 'let go' hundreds of times and as people are in too high a supply to ever be short of new ones, I see it as moving on. Of course, when people you like leave the country or die it's different, as it leaves a hole, but it still can't be changed and the new people are different but still can fill the hole more or less.
Back to the inspiration, the scatological humour I read isn't that far from my own, though there are really only so many ways of recycling faeces and other bodily excreta before you reach the start again. Just seeing someone write about farts can sometimes set me off when I'm in the right mood anyway, but I do know Monty Python, which made me laugh more than just about anything else (though I was in my early teens and younger) didn't use any rude words. Many since have, and also been hilarious, it just showed they could be without as well. I can do it if encouraged, more in the childish 9 year old 'What's that smell?' sort of way. The Mexican comedian who simply reels off lists of rude words has me in stitches, no real jokes, just lists of slang words for whatever part of the body he's mentioning. We are simple souls at heart, and my sense of humour was permanently regressed when a group of kids on holiday still wanted me to repeat my old routine the year after I'd stopped finding it funny. How was I to deny the laughter of a bunch of 12 year olds with the simple mention of piles and manure. Of course, after a few minutes I was back into it all myself, and never got out of it. The simple things, and what could be easier to laugh at than that? No need for alcohol, just hear a fart and crap yourself laughing.
While I'm here, a few more relevant observations, the phrase 'Going to the toilet in your pants' is a complete misnomer. You can't do both, can you? What, of course, it actually means is 'Going number ones/twos in your pants' but the British, who always remove one phrase for another on a 'higher level' eg 'Crippled > Handicapped > Disabled > Differently abled... ad infinitum/nauseam. Please, spastic, cripple, mongol, moron, imbecile, see,I said them. These were medical terms not so long ago with specific meanings. Get a few million kids who pick them up and use them in the playground and the whole of medical terminology has to be rewritten. In a few years they'll still have to change 'you bloody ethnic minority' or 'you differently gendered person' once they in turn are the going terms for what we call 'foreigners' or 'transsexuals'. That's human nature and the PC brigade can't deny or fight against it. We breathe, we comment on people who are different. That's how it is, that's how it's always been. It doesn't mean a lot as if we go to the countries of those we insult here they'll more than likely do the same to us. Or even blow us up if they put their money where there mouth is. I'm not going to fight human nature en masse, just deal with any example directed at myself man to man. That's the best any of us can do. So George Galloway our latest madman in power can piss off to the Middle East, convert to Islam and practice there what he preaches here. But he won't, he's just happy to fuel his obsession with Islam from home and god forbid actually live in an Islamic country. He's obviously profiting from this attitude somehow as it's clearly not just a personal quest, but it's just a sad example of the sort of difference between who should be running a country and who actually is. Thank goodness the internet's still free speech or I'd be in the cells already...
Saturday, May 07, 2005
Victor Meldrew time
For those who have been following this, the good news is after 5 weeks my grandma's finally out of hospital. The second stay of 4 weeks was after falling over on her first night home after the first visit, and hurting her hip making her pretty immobile. At 95 she's still more or less her old self, and has recovered from the kidney incident (still not treated yet) that put her there originally.
I have weeks of catching up to do, I missed seeing a number of friends over that time, and the grass is now a foot high in my garden, so tomorrow I've got to do all that. And the hedge and anything else that has passed the stage I usually let it get to for the first cut of the spring. I've just heard my friend who went to America in 2002 is coming back as planned for a visit in June, a week earlier than planned but only for 10 days rather than the month he wanted. And the whole family is staying here for 2 days, that'll be interesting. Unfortunately there's now no chance they'll be back any sooner than the original plan of 6 years, in fact a lot closer to 8, which has now ended any hopes I may have had for an early return.
My female interest has returned to zero, and technically I can't really see where it's going to come from next. We do have our singles barbecue coming up within a few months, though being in Kingston means if I do meet anyone it's going to be a shlep if I see them regularly, but there's nowhere else I can think of any better. I spent 4 years internet dating already, one girlfriend, a few phone calls which were painful, and one other meeting which was equally painful. Meanwhile I'm just getting on with other things, I can only work on those areas I have access to, and apart from speed dating, which I won't try until it comes to North London as I don't want to travel to some godforsaken crowded bar in the West End and then find the best of the bunch lives in Poplar or Wimbledon, I'm too old for all that having spent some years chasing women from agencies all over the place, and all I got from it in that whole time was a quick one by the river at Richmond.
15 or so years later I see no point accepting or looking for women who live over 10 miles, and often many more, away. Unless it's so good they move in with me after a short time, I haven't got the energy to sit in the car for hours (especially as I can't drive in Central London before 6.30 any more, the only way to cross the river from here). In fact looking back on trips to Loughton, Newbury Park, Crystal Palace, Wimbledon, Charlton, West Drayton, Eltham and other places most taxi drivers haven't even been to, I can't be arsed to start with a handicap before I even get anywhere. Lazy? Yes, but practical. And I wouldn't expect a woman to keep travelling here either from miles away, especially as nearly all the women I meet of all ages still haven't got a car! Not that the ones who did actually used it much when they went out with me, but it is a start.
I wonder whether there's a monster inside me that is brought out by blogging? In fact, from a very early age I found when I complained people frequently cracked up with laughter, so I made a bit of a speciality of it. I also exploited everything banal in my life (living in North London makes this the perfect environment to do so), and incorporated it into my routine. The Private Eye obsession with Neasden, where I first went to school, had my first girlfriend at 4, and did much of our shopping before leaving the area a year later, is very much the basis of British ironic humour, and having the chance to milk it here unfortunately is turning me into a young version of Victor Meldrew (who I greatly admire, however fictional he may be). The recent series 'Angry old men' had Will Self who's a year younger than me for god's sake! But far from being miserable, most of the time these guys talked common sense. We don't like kids whose idea of marking their territory and showing their manhood is leaving trails of saliva in the street, and making a challenge about how closely they can spit to you without actually hitting anyone. And only people who don't drive like road humps. I know a lifelong Labour voter who voted Tory in the local elections just to get rid of them. Cars aren't made to go over humps at any speed, it shakes them to pieces, and anyone over a certain age can easily be hurt going over them as well. And people in call centres who are forced to stick to a script because they don't actually know any answers as they've had no training are a waste of space. I had 40 minutes to suffer of these recently when I tried to cancel my free AOL trial, and I can confirm that Indian call centres, however good their spoken English may be, they can't understand colloquial English very well, just as I don't understand colloquial Gujurati. They are being given jobs to do they aren't able to do, because it's cheap. And finally (for now) we just had a competition on the radio for retailers to give their highest price markups. The winner (while I was listening) was 1000% of cost. The average was around 300%. One called proudly to say how the old 10% markup was now part of history as they marked up their designer watches at 3 times cost automatically, and batteries and printer ink which cost a few pence sold at a few pounds or more. In the 3 days I spent in an opticians, the frames which cost beteen 60p and £20 to buy sold between £20 and about £110, and this was a discount store. Most start at £50 and easily touch £300, and they are unlikely to pay much more than we did.
There you go, if I'd been a celebrity I could have filled half that programme myself, I was born to moan and it's such a talent they made a series out of it, or 2 if you include the fictional Victor Meldrew. OK, life isn't always shit, I never said that directly, I just notice it a bit more than some... But the girlfriend situation itself, that's double shit, with hair in. Nice picture? Well that's what it's like at this end, trust me.
I have weeks of catching up to do, I missed seeing a number of friends over that time, and the grass is now a foot high in my garden, so tomorrow I've got to do all that. And the hedge and anything else that has passed the stage I usually let it get to for the first cut of the spring. I've just heard my friend who went to America in 2002 is coming back as planned for a visit in June, a week earlier than planned but only for 10 days rather than the month he wanted. And the whole family is staying here for 2 days, that'll be interesting. Unfortunately there's now no chance they'll be back any sooner than the original plan of 6 years, in fact a lot closer to 8, which has now ended any hopes I may have had for an early return.
My female interest has returned to zero, and technically I can't really see where it's going to come from next. We do have our singles barbecue coming up within a few months, though being in Kingston means if I do meet anyone it's going to be a shlep if I see them regularly, but there's nowhere else I can think of any better. I spent 4 years internet dating already, one girlfriend, a few phone calls which were painful, and one other meeting which was equally painful. Meanwhile I'm just getting on with other things, I can only work on those areas I have access to, and apart from speed dating, which I won't try until it comes to North London as I don't want to travel to some godforsaken crowded bar in the West End and then find the best of the bunch lives in Poplar or Wimbledon, I'm too old for all that having spent some years chasing women from agencies all over the place, and all I got from it in that whole time was a quick one by the river at Richmond.
15 or so years later I see no point accepting or looking for women who live over 10 miles, and often many more, away. Unless it's so good they move in with me after a short time, I haven't got the energy to sit in the car for hours (especially as I can't drive in Central London before 6.30 any more, the only way to cross the river from here). In fact looking back on trips to Loughton, Newbury Park, Crystal Palace, Wimbledon, Charlton, West Drayton, Eltham and other places most taxi drivers haven't even been to, I can't be arsed to start with a handicap before I even get anywhere. Lazy? Yes, but practical. And I wouldn't expect a woman to keep travelling here either from miles away, especially as nearly all the women I meet of all ages still haven't got a car! Not that the ones who did actually used it much when they went out with me, but it is a start.
I wonder whether there's a monster inside me that is brought out by blogging? In fact, from a very early age I found when I complained people frequently cracked up with laughter, so I made a bit of a speciality of it. I also exploited everything banal in my life (living in North London makes this the perfect environment to do so), and incorporated it into my routine. The Private Eye obsession with Neasden, where I first went to school, had my first girlfriend at 4, and did much of our shopping before leaving the area a year later, is very much the basis of British ironic humour, and having the chance to milk it here unfortunately is turning me into a young version of Victor Meldrew (who I greatly admire, however fictional he may be). The recent series 'Angry old men' had Will Self who's a year younger than me for god's sake! But far from being miserable, most of the time these guys talked common sense. We don't like kids whose idea of marking their territory and showing their manhood is leaving trails of saliva in the street, and making a challenge about how closely they can spit to you without actually hitting anyone. And only people who don't drive like road humps. I know a lifelong Labour voter who voted Tory in the local elections just to get rid of them. Cars aren't made to go over humps at any speed, it shakes them to pieces, and anyone over a certain age can easily be hurt going over them as well. And people in call centres who are forced to stick to a script because they don't actually know any answers as they've had no training are a waste of space. I had 40 minutes to suffer of these recently when I tried to cancel my free AOL trial, and I can confirm that Indian call centres, however good their spoken English may be, they can't understand colloquial English very well, just as I don't understand colloquial Gujurati. They are being given jobs to do they aren't able to do, because it's cheap. And finally (for now) we just had a competition on the radio for retailers to give their highest price markups. The winner (while I was listening) was 1000% of cost. The average was around 300%. One called proudly to say how the old 10% markup was now part of history as they marked up their designer watches at 3 times cost automatically, and batteries and printer ink which cost a few pence sold at a few pounds or more. In the 3 days I spent in an opticians, the frames which cost beteen 60p and £20 to buy sold between £20 and about £110, and this was a discount store. Most start at £50 and easily touch £300, and they are unlikely to pay much more than we did.
There you go, if I'd been a celebrity I could have filled half that programme myself, I was born to moan and it's such a talent they made a series out of it, or 2 if you include the fictional Victor Meldrew. OK, life isn't always shit, I never said that directly, I just notice it a bit more than some... But the girlfriend situation itself, that's double shit, with hair in. Nice picture? Well that's what it's like at this end, trust me.
Wednesday, May 04, 2005
Conversations with myself
Having read about nine of the Converstions with God books by Neale Donald Walsch, I do wonder whether it's just a rare talent to generate a second personality one can have a conversation with, or there are higher beings a few lucky individuals can communicate with. The reason I raised this is because the best way to write anything tonight would be to let another entity write it through me, as if it's just me all you're going to get is more of the same, more or less.
There's an open invitation to God or anyone else to take over, until that happens I'll relate a summary of the last few days after the 'Day trip to Bromley' (as in Bangor). Not much has changed, I remember for years I kept a list of starts I'd made on projects to see how many actually happened. In fact about half did, though many were so trivial it didn't really reflect the weighting of individual items (I'm not that desperate to keep records). Anyway, I realised recently I haven't even got one of those any more. Nothing ahead is related to anything I've started now, and as I said already, technically (apart from film in the can from my TV job) nothing need ever happen.
Relating this to the 'bigger picture' I'm currently reading about, there are only two possibilities. Despite almost regimented coincidences everything is random and whether we're good or bad it makes no difference. Whatever happens is purely the combination of our own efforts and everyone elses' decisions. Otherwise it is a multidimensional thought field, where all is connected, and many life forms exist above frequencies we're usually aware of, and from time to time they choose someone to watch and give them a few presents (why some get this treatment over others I can't tell). For example (if even that exists) out of all the people on the enlightenment circuit, a few who reached it did so purely by many years of hard work and effort. But just as many others, such as Hazel Courteney and Tim Freke, who both wrote books about it were just enlightened temporarily by the grace of the angels. Totally arbitrary choice, to my view.
I can't help communicating, just as I spread the word of Nick Roach once I found my personal teacher, if I was to reach a higher state even if I didn't choose to communicate it to other students I know it would always happen. That brings me to my next point. The apparent masters who have not only achieved enlightenment, but also the powers over matter that go with it have been reduced in the west to one person who shows them in public (and not even enlightened), ie Uri Geller. He, to be fair, spent ages in laboratories being tested (the results were incredibly vague though, from what they released), Sai Baba in India who even Nick Roach has his doubts about, after pointing me to a site which apparently shows him cheating in his materialisations.
I also saw a 'minor magician', the healer Geoff Boltwood. Though he says it isn't his mission to secrete scented oil from his hands and if it happens during a lecture it's a bonus, I think he rarely fails to do so. Just like Uri Geller now says he's gone beyond bending spoons yet has to do it in every performance anyway. To get to my point, if I had these powers (unless my teacher swore me to secrecy, as many do) I couldn't help walking into my local shops or community centre and make objects fall from the ceiling. I just couldn't help showing off. Believe me, if I did this twice (to prove it wasn't an accident) every newspaper in the country would be sending reporters to Kingsbury, and if I was a true adept as they claim, I shouldn't have any trouble repeating my abilities. But in reality, though books are full of these stories, the news is totally devoid of them. That's a discrepancy any lawyer or logician would tell you could only lead to one conclusion. It doesn't happen. Due to human nature few people could avoid demonstrating their powers in public, and the TV news would have them at it all over the networks. James Randi would have to part with his million dollars, and science would have to be totally rewritten.
To conclude, I will say that despite physical powers being either the rare random event which can't be controlled or claimed by many and demonstrated by few, our five senses can be extended. I can't prove this, as I can't prove enlightenment, but as I have done this a few times I can verify it is real. But powers over the physical, I may be waiting a long time if I ever see them.
There's an open invitation to God or anyone else to take over, until that happens I'll relate a summary of the last few days after the 'Day trip to Bromley' (as in Bangor). Not much has changed, I remember for years I kept a list of starts I'd made on projects to see how many actually happened. In fact about half did, though many were so trivial it didn't really reflect the weighting of individual items (I'm not that desperate to keep records). Anyway, I realised recently I haven't even got one of those any more. Nothing ahead is related to anything I've started now, and as I said already, technically (apart from film in the can from my TV job) nothing need ever happen.
Relating this to the 'bigger picture' I'm currently reading about, there are only two possibilities. Despite almost regimented coincidences everything is random and whether we're good or bad it makes no difference. Whatever happens is purely the combination of our own efforts and everyone elses' decisions. Otherwise it is a multidimensional thought field, where all is connected, and many life forms exist above frequencies we're usually aware of, and from time to time they choose someone to watch and give them a few presents (why some get this treatment over others I can't tell). For example (if even that exists) out of all the people on the enlightenment circuit, a few who reached it did so purely by many years of hard work and effort. But just as many others, such as Hazel Courteney and Tim Freke, who both wrote books about it were just enlightened temporarily by the grace of the angels. Totally arbitrary choice, to my view.
I can't help communicating, just as I spread the word of Nick Roach once I found my personal teacher, if I was to reach a higher state even if I didn't choose to communicate it to other students I know it would always happen. That brings me to my next point. The apparent masters who have not only achieved enlightenment, but also the powers over matter that go with it have been reduced in the west to one person who shows them in public (and not even enlightened), ie Uri Geller. He, to be fair, spent ages in laboratories being tested (the results were incredibly vague though, from what they released), Sai Baba in India who even Nick Roach has his doubts about, after pointing me to a site which apparently shows him cheating in his materialisations.
I also saw a 'minor magician', the healer Geoff Boltwood. Though he says it isn't his mission to secrete scented oil from his hands and if it happens during a lecture it's a bonus, I think he rarely fails to do so. Just like Uri Geller now says he's gone beyond bending spoons yet has to do it in every performance anyway. To get to my point, if I had these powers (unless my teacher swore me to secrecy, as many do) I couldn't help walking into my local shops or community centre and make objects fall from the ceiling. I just couldn't help showing off. Believe me, if I did this twice (to prove it wasn't an accident) every newspaper in the country would be sending reporters to Kingsbury, and if I was a true adept as they claim, I shouldn't have any trouble repeating my abilities. But in reality, though books are full of these stories, the news is totally devoid of them. That's a discrepancy any lawyer or logician would tell you could only lead to one conclusion. It doesn't happen. Due to human nature few people could avoid demonstrating their powers in public, and the TV news would have them at it all over the networks. James Randi would have to part with his million dollars, and science would have to be totally rewritten.
To conclude, I will say that despite physical powers being either the rare random event which can't be controlled or claimed by many and demonstrated by few, our five senses can be extended. I can't prove this, as I can't prove enlightenment, but as I have done this a few times I can verify it is real. But powers over the physical, I may be waiting a long time if I ever see them.
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
Dubious plate
Dubious plate
They're all crooks dahn sarf London mate!
Well, by looking at this number plate, parked outside a dodgy dealer's on the A 232 in East Croydon one would be led to think such thoughts. Being off road it doesn't actually need a plate at all, as trade plates would be used for test drives, but in fact it all looks Japanese to me. Many times Japanese plates are translated to English carelessly, usually leaving out just the city code, but this appears to have gone a step further and left out the two letters between the 599 (large private vehicle, post 2001) and the index number at the end. There would be no reason for a dealer to invent a plate like this so I expect that's the true explanation. As I was parked on a double red line to get this, I didn't have time to get more than the website on the plate itself, www.intercrete.com , but like the plate, neither actually existed in reality, fancy that.
Monday, May 02, 2005
Not all bad news
Just to show life in my world isn't all pony and trap (crap to the non-British readers) I've actually done a hell of a lot today.
First I had to deliver two sacks of surplus train tickets to Bromley, I got a nice number plate photo on the way, there was no traffic in either direction, and I was given a box of tickets with maybe hundreds of new stations on them. I then discovered on my return to the gym that one of my healings last week had had pretty amazing results (it only took me 5 minutes), and then someone finally arrived with table tennis equipment (I only knew there was a table a few months ago) and played my first games for a couple of years (I didn't win, but played OK considering and it was close).
Finally I think one of the lost episodes of Star Trek Enterprise was repeated (hard to tell but seems to follow one I missed earlier), so basically sooner or later all the blockages do come unstuck and things do still seem to be happening in bunches.
First I had to deliver two sacks of surplus train tickets to Bromley, I got a nice number plate photo on the way, there was no traffic in either direction, and I was given a box of tickets with maybe hundreds of new stations on them. I then discovered on my return to the gym that one of my healings last week had had pretty amazing results (it only took me 5 minutes), and then someone finally arrived with table tennis equipment (I only knew there was a table a few months ago) and played my first games for a couple of years (I didn't win, but played OK considering and it was close).
Finally I think one of the lost episodes of Star Trek Enterprise was repeated (hard to tell but seems to follow one I missed earlier), so basically sooner or later all the blockages do come unstuck and things do still seem to be happening in bunches.
Sunday, May 01, 2005
Honesty
Reading around here, I get the impression nearly everyone's pretty honest and though it can't always be picked up easily, I haven't spotted anyone who appears to be making anything up. I don't really know why either, as if you are a creative writer you don't need a blog, just use a normal website. Blogs are diaries, and diaries are records of facts. I've been accused of lying here a few times, surprisingly from people who had no way of knowing, plus my life is reflected here as accurately as I can, whether interesting or dull. And half my blog is philosophy anyway, which is only my thoughts on the facts I've just written.
The reason I write about honesty now is I've reached a moment in time where fantasy would be an improvement here, as anything I do recall in this window of peace would only repeat more or less the last 2 weeks. It's not anyone's fault, life just gets its heavy boots on sometimes and holds you back. So I feel like writing anything new here is such a challenge, and as there's nothing on TV and too early to go to bed, I'll try a Neale Donald Walsch or Ruth Montgomery style conversation with God, where you just let things flow from a higher source. Short of that, I may just have to make the effort myself, but the opportunity is there for 'above'.
Currently things are apparently frozen, the efforts I make towards my own progress seem to have stayed put for some time, and the law of inertia states things are always more likely to stay the same than change. In fact the good things all seem to dry up sooner or later though many bad ones do stay for ages. But technically if no outside force or personal effort intervenes, I'll be in the same situation more or less for life. I was just having a conversation with Indie Queen who is one of the rare women who isn't offended by a man asking directly if she'd like sex. If only she could go on a world lecture tour, as I said my current target, like most beforehand, may prefer a few hot dates and be seduced in the traditional way should she wish to be. If they could see it is possible to accept a man without being publicly stoned mens' lives would be made vastly less stressful. In this case I may be wrong, but would be so worried about mucking it up I may not risk even a relatively direct approach. Most women just don't appreciate it, however much they may fancy a man, they want the 'full traditional treatment' before letting the man know by her response (not her own approaches to him, except maybe once in ten years, that she's interested). Fine for teens and twenties maybe, but not for adults. They should have used up the romantic stuff by now and be ready to get down to a decision without all the frills and seduction. We just don't have the time after 40.
Anyway, back to honesty, I actually disclose far more than most as I believe I have little to hide, and have literally no benefit from inventing or changing anything about my life here or anywhere else. Why the hell would I? I even had to cut out a load of bits from earlier posts as I realised certain people could take my disclosures and make more of them than was necessary, so I couldn't risk it. Lying is not keeping privacy, as one person was confusing. So by laying down the rules I play by here I hope it'll put an end to the few accusations I've had of dishonesty. At 45 I know all my faults, like laziness, elitism, anxiety, impatience, absent minded, and probably some more on top. But my parents and carers taught me well from early childhood. I've never been dishonest. Technically I could prove it's unnecessary if I had the time, and the only time I can possibly think of where it may be useful is recognised in many legal systems as the right not to self-incriminate. That's a fairly universal principle that your accuser has to prove you did something without the need for you to admit it. I see that as the far end of privacy though by keeping silent to an accusation you could be close to denying the truth. But the plea of not guilty means in practice 'You must prove me guilty' rather than 'I didn't do it'. The rare situation in Scotland has a 'Not proven' verdict, meaning there wasn't enough evidence but we bet you did it. I think it still has the same result of not guilty, but probably a few technicalities as well.
So, apart from silence under accusation (though anything I'd be accused of would be no more than quite embarrassing, rather than criminal), I see no possible situation that would need dishonesty. Silence in response to questions and privacy by non-disclosure, yes, but actually initiating a dishonest line, never. I hope I've put my case clearly, as anyone calling me a liar is simply unaware of the truth and trying to pull me down for their own reasons. I mind my own business and live and let live, as do most on the net, but there are always a few who have to get involved and judge others even though they hardly know them.
I rarely need to justify myself anymore, but if I'm forced to by people with agendas, I'll always do so, though I know most such people are driven my emotions and have little interest in the actual truth, so will not take much notice anyway.
The reason I write about honesty now is I've reached a moment in time where fantasy would be an improvement here, as anything I do recall in this window of peace would only repeat more or less the last 2 weeks. It's not anyone's fault, life just gets its heavy boots on sometimes and holds you back. So I feel like writing anything new here is such a challenge, and as there's nothing on TV and too early to go to bed, I'll try a Neale Donald Walsch or Ruth Montgomery style conversation with God, where you just let things flow from a higher source. Short of that, I may just have to make the effort myself, but the opportunity is there for 'above'.
Currently things are apparently frozen, the efforts I make towards my own progress seem to have stayed put for some time, and the law of inertia states things are always more likely to stay the same than change. In fact the good things all seem to dry up sooner or later though many bad ones do stay for ages. But technically if no outside force or personal effort intervenes, I'll be in the same situation more or less for life. I was just having a conversation with Indie Queen who is one of the rare women who isn't offended by a man asking directly if she'd like sex. If only she could go on a world lecture tour, as I said my current target, like most beforehand, may prefer a few hot dates and be seduced in the traditional way should she wish to be. If they could see it is possible to accept a man without being publicly stoned mens' lives would be made vastly less stressful. In this case I may be wrong, but would be so worried about mucking it up I may not risk even a relatively direct approach. Most women just don't appreciate it, however much they may fancy a man, they want the 'full traditional treatment' before letting the man know by her response (not her own approaches to him, except maybe once in ten years, that she's interested). Fine for teens and twenties maybe, but not for adults. They should have used up the romantic stuff by now and be ready to get down to a decision without all the frills and seduction. We just don't have the time after 40.
Anyway, back to honesty, I actually disclose far more than most as I believe I have little to hide, and have literally no benefit from inventing or changing anything about my life here or anywhere else. Why the hell would I? I even had to cut out a load of bits from earlier posts as I realised certain people could take my disclosures and make more of them than was necessary, so I couldn't risk it. Lying is not keeping privacy, as one person was confusing. So by laying down the rules I play by here I hope it'll put an end to the few accusations I've had of dishonesty. At 45 I know all my faults, like laziness, elitism, anxiety, impatience, absent minded, and probably some more on top. But my parents and carers taught me well from early childhood. I've never been dishonest. Technically I could prove it's unnecessary if I had the time, and the only time I can possibly think of where it may be useful is recognised in many legal systems as the right not to self-incriminate. That's a fairly universal principle that your accuser has to prove you did something without the need for you to admit it. I see that as the far end of privacy though by keeping silent to an accusation you could be close to denying the truth. But the plea of not guilty means in practice 'You must prove me guilty' rather than 'I didn't do it'. The rare situation in Scotland has a 'Not proven' verdict, meaning there wasn't enough evidence but we bet you did it. I think it still has the same result of not guilty, but probably a few technicalities as well.
So, apart from silence under accusation (though anything I'd be accused of would be no more than quite embarrassing, rather than criminal), I see no possible situation that would need dishonesty. Silence in response to questions and privacy by non-disclosure, yes, but actually initiating a dishonest line, never. I hope I've put my case clearly, as anyone calling me a liar is simply unaware of the truth and trying to pull me down for their own reasons. I mind my own business and live and let live, as do most on the net, but there are always a few who have to get involved and judge others even though they hardly know them.
I rarely need to justify myself anymore, but if I'm forced to by people with agendas, I'll always do so, though I know most such people are driven my emotions and have little interest in the actual truth, so will not take much notice anyway.
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