Saturday, December 17, 2005
Friday, December 16, 2005
I really don't know...
Today was unexpected. I mean of course it was a Friday, as always after seven days since the last one, but my work was cancelled and I had an afternoon free with no plans. Normally this (besides the money) would be a blessing, but as I had pretty much nothing set up I felt really lost. I hadn't really got any major camera trips left now as at least I'd done the ones I really wanted to do, and couldn't really be bothered to drive out and walk around in the cold yet again this week. So I looked around and began any housework I could think of, and have done some really tedious but useful jobs around the house that at least are now out of the way. I had to empty a box under the bed with towels and bedding as unfortunately it gets covered in dust and other excoriae (yes, it is a word) and is now in a cupboard, the box having magazines now. I then lost a photo from my website as I wanted to post just one more there but the limit was reached. I didn't think I had the lost picture I deleted by mistake in my documents, but after looking for the floppy disk with no joy, and trawling the web archives with even less (if that's possible) found it in my documents- panic over!
Starting housework often leads to more, but after the first job watched some of the snooker, seeing Steve Davis play better than his previous slow tortoise style is truly an inspiration as every other player over 40 seems to have retired now. I then somehow slipped into computering, despite 5 hours flat adding HTML tweaks to my sites yesterday and having nothing left to do, somehow bits and pieces added up to another session, stopping me from washing my sheets (I will though...). So I just thought I'd dive into the lowest levels of life in Kingsbury that rarely get measured by anyone worldwide as so boring, except a few bloggers, but are still a shared experience of most householders, and my worry now is whether that's all that lies ahead. I'm avoiding most social events now until my body recovers its strength enough to trust it again. I know (sexist observation coming) women tend to have no inhibitions in mentioning their health, but for men unless it's dramatic we tend to be embarrassed to admit we haven't been feeling 100% and then other people get surprised when we tell them we can't do something as they thought we were OK. So despite feeling somehow inadequate (as there's little in the way of a medical diagnosis I can quote) that I can't do much at the moment, it's better to tell everyone as otherwise they'll see other explanations for my regular absences in places I usually went to. Technically if I was married or equivalent I'd be better off as my wife would just be around, the edge would be taken off my health problems and the work would be shared as well. Also it's impossible to go out on the pull (as I was a few weeks ago, albeit online I did reel in a beautiful blonde, her description as well as mine) when she didn't call back I called it a day simply as I doubted I was up to meeting her. Bollocks really, when the one thing you want to do is virtually stopped by outside causes, though no doubt there's another way it narrows down the opportunities drastically. Maybe there are people in similar positions who still want partners and of course would have to live locally. That's really narrowing down the possible areas by about 99.99%, and I assume my condition will improve, as the doctor did name stress and exhaustion as its root causes, which (as they did in the past) then let the nasty germs in which compounded the situation nicely. As I said at the beginning, I really don't know. Today showed me that once you've done everything you can on your own and locally, there's fuck all else to do. OK, I will keep painting and have to study these little courses for life (that's called bureacracy) but there must be more. And what about my poor blog? God forbid, in a few months or even further ahead I could see it turning into the musings of everyday life of the housebound. Today's post was a rare one so far where it just covered indoor activities, but I seem to have used up so many avenues simply as I've done it all and got bored with the old things that I will now not go out just for the sake of it, and apart from family have no friends locally I can go and see like I used to. I hope this is the low point of my activities, and in a few days will have done a few unexpected and more interesting things besides learning primary school level HTML and rearranging my storage. The world can be a cruel place sometimes, as much for omissions than its acts. Empty isolation is as much a punishment as any natural disaster.
Starting housework often leads to more, but after the first job watched some of the snooker, seeing Steve Davis play better than his previous slow tortoise style is truly an inspiration as every other player over 40 seems to have retired now. I then somehow slipped into computering, despite 5 hours flat adding HTML tweaks to my sites yesterday and having nothing left to do, somehow bits and pieces added up to another session, stopping me from washing my sheets (I will though...). So I just thought I'd dive into the lowest levels of life in Kingsbury that rarely get measured by anyone worldwide as so boring, except a few bloggers, but are still a shared experience of most householders, and my worry now is whether that's all that lies ahead. I'm avoiding most social events now until my body recovers its strength enough to trust it again. I know (sexist observation coming) women tend to have no inhibitions in mentioning their health, but for men unless it's dramatic we tend to be embarrassed to admit we haven't been feeling 100% and then other people get surprised when we tell them we can't do something as they thought we were OK. So despite feeling somehow inadequate (as there's little in the way of a medical diagnosis I can quote) that I can't do much at the moment, it's better to tell everyone as otherwise they'll see other explanations for my regular absences in places I usually went to. Technically if I was married or equivalent I'd be better off as my wife would just be around, the edge would be taken off my health problems and the work would be shared as well. Also it's impossible to go out on the pull (as I was a few weeks ago, albeit online I did reel in a beautiful blonde, her description as well as mine) when she didn't call back I called it a day simply as I doubted I was up to meeting her. Bollocks really, when the one thing you want to do is virtually stopped by outside causes, though no doubt there's another way it narrows down the opportunities drastically. Maybe there are people in similar positions who still want partners and of course would have to live locally. That's really narrowing down the possible areas by about 99.99%, and I assume my condition will improve, as the doctor did name stress and exhaustion as its root causes, which (as they did in the past) then let the nasty germs in which compounded the situation nicely. As I said at the beginning, I really don't know. Today showed me that once you've done everything you can on your own and locally, there's fuck all else to do. OK, I will keep painting and have to study these little courses for life (that's called bureacracy) but there must be more. And what about my poor blog? God forbid, in a few months or even further ahead I could see it turning into the musings of everyday life of the housebound. Today's post was a rare one so far where it just covered indoor activities, but I seem to have used up so many avenues simply as I've done it all and got bored with the old things that I will now not go out just for the sake of it, and apart from family have no friends locally I can go and see like I used to. I hope this is the low point of my activities, and in a few days will have done a few unexpected and more interesting things besides learning primary school level HTML and rearranging my storage. The world can be a cruel place sometimes, as much for omissions than its acts. Empty isolation is as much a punishment as any natural disaster.
Thursday, December 15, 2005
I've broken it...
Having decided to take a total day off today (mainly as I had absolutely nothing else to do) I started on the computer to do my postings early instead of up till 4am as usual. That was 4 hours ago and I haven't left once! No value judgements either way really, just a fact, like a true addict. Obviously the rainbow post took a good part of that time but then I had nothing in particular to do, and just discovered one job led to another, and continues now.
So generally there's not a lot to report, besides the previous post that the minute I tidied up my main site links to hide the URLs as soon as I used the link to check my webcam the lot went down. I've stopped and started everything since then but the site is down down down.
It's nice for a change there's no urgency around, no letters to reply to, dodgy appointments, shopping or any of the usual annoyances of life that won't get done by telepathy. How long it'll last who can ever know, but I'll bask in the cold and dark Kingsbury December until it stops.
On an altogether different track, nasty comments and paranoia still abound, though thank goodness not on this site now. It's not healthy not to get over past issues, especially when the whole story has been misunderstood, and despite numerous attempts to explain to the 'injured party' have been overlooked. But all I can say is the latest accusation to my character is totally incorrect, and the comment I made that sparked it off was reiterated in the form it was meant but clearly ignored. As it's not possible to pass this message directly as I should do, I'll just write it here as it will probably get through, and if the comment can be clarified again in private I'm only too happy to do so. But in the meantime, stop the sniping! You know who you are! End of message.
So generally there's not a lot to report, besides the previous post that the minute I tidied up my main site links to hide the URLs as soon as I used the link to check my webcam the lot went down. I've stopped and started everything since then but the site is down down down.
It's nice for a change there's no urgency around, no letters to reply to, dodgy appointments, shopping or any of the usual annoyances of life that won't get done by telepathy. How long it'll last who can ever know, but I'll bask in the cold and dark Kingsbury December until it stops.
On an altogether different track, nasty comments and paranoia still abound, though thank goodness not on this site now. It's not healthy not to get over past issues, especially when the whole story has been misunderstood, and despite numerous attempts to explain to the 'injured party' have been overlooked. But all I can say is the latest accusation to my character is totally incorrect, and the comment I made that sparked it off was reiterated in the form it was meant but clearly ignored. As it's not possible to pass this message directly as I should do, I'll just write it here as it will probably get through, and if the comment can be clarified again in private I'm only too happy to do so. But in the meantime, stop the sniping! You know who you are! End of message.
Webcam hiccups
I hope my previous attempted viewer has connected with my webcam site when it was actually working now, as I'd just used my newly acquired HTML tags to tidy up my main site, and nicely hid the links here and to the other three sites, and though it was already running, the second popup screen said I wasn't damn connected. I signed out, in, and shook it all about, and the current result of simply rejigging my links seems to have offended the yahoo webcam fairies.
Hopefully it's their end (how can changing an unrelated site affect another server anyhow?) so it'll fix itself, but currently if you raise my yahoo webcam nothing happens. Bugger.
Hopefully it's their end (how can changing an unrelated site affect another server anyhow?) so it'll fix itself, but currently if you raise my yahoo webcam nothing happens. Bugger.
Rainbow
Being a bit of a child, and a total hippy, finding the ability to use pretty colours means I had to fully exploit it. Maybe bringing in a bit of the psychedelic feel and atmosphere of the 60's, which I remember fondly, will
possibly shift the world of the web gradually to something more reminiscent of the good times, rather than the tough and hard 2000s. Other people may pick up the idea, and a whole movement of hippy culture could
revive as a result of this small start by me, by many who remember it and have it instilled deep in their blood and soul, waiting to come out after any reminder from outside, ready and waiting to let the peace and love flow
rather than the stress and aggro of this decade. In fact, the content and poetry contained in this passage is only the vehicle for the art, I could use random letters and characters, but hidden in this rainbow is a clear
message, that whatever goes on outside it is possible, even in the smallest way, to change things, and add something new which is entirely yours, and totally original. But it's not even started by me, on memory, as Rainbow George
has started this long before me, so really I'm following his example without even realising it until I got to this point. His Rainbow Alliance has been spreading the same message throughout Britain and Ireland
and the spirit of the 60s will spread and spread across the internet, from George and me until the sad grey pages of the world become a spiralling mass of colour. Paint the whole world with a rainbow.
possibly shift the world of the web gradually to something more reminiscent of the good times, rather than the tough and hard 2000s. Other people may pick up the idea, and a whole movement of hippy culture could
revive as a result of this small start by me, by many who remember it and have it instilled deep in their blood and soul, waiting to come out after any reminder from outside, ready and waiting to let the peace and love flow
rather than the stress and aggro of this decade. In fact, the content and poetry contained in this passage is only the vehicle for the art, I could use random letters and characters, but hidden in this rainbow is a clear
message, that whatever goes on outside it is possible, even in the smallest way, to change things, and add something new which is entirely yours, and totally original. But it's not even started by me, on memory, as Rainbow George
has started this long before me, so really I'm following his example without even realising it until I got to this point. His Rainbow Alliance has been spreading the same message throughout Britain and Ireland
and the spirit of the 60s will spread and spread across the internet, from George and me until the sad grey pages of the world become a spiralling mass of colour. Paint the whole world with a rainbow.
I sympathise
Rise and fall, this poor sod as many of us do appears to have come up against the same pitfalls as I did when beginning blogging, but it killed him off totally. Like me, he clearly (though I haven't yet gone and looked) wrote about some very personal aspects of his life, told his friends to read, but clearly wrote about them and apparently lost half as a result, plus even pissing off his family. But he also acknowledges the prizes I have also gained. An improved writing style and vast new awareness of details in everyday life knowing you may write about them later.
Here's his web page so you can see it in all its glory. I see it as a monument to the best aspects and biggest pitfalls of blogging, and one I also had to tweak about with to avoid allowing possible readers I mentioned from getting severely peed off with me. Though I don't mind being written about as long as not libellous, many people would shit themselves even if all that was written was complimentary, despite the fact most bloggers rarely identify the people mentioned. And another of his posts I sympathise with (though he is clearly well under half my age so has more excuse) his trouble with women .
And far, far better than the highly disappointing blog I read previously from someone in Hampstead who could only post endless links and pointless pictures lifted from image searches. Please every time give us the personal stuff over the geekdom!
Here's his web page so you can see it in all its glory. I see it as a monument to the best aspects and biggest pitfalls of blogging, and one I also had to tweak about with to avoid allowing possible readers I mentioned from getting severely peed off with me. Though I don't mind being written about as long as not libellous, many people would shit themselves even if all that was written was complimentary, despite the fact most bloggers rarely identify the people mentioned. And another of his posts I sympathise with (though he is clearly well under half my age so has more excuse) his trouble with women .
And far, far better than the highly disappointing blog I read previously from someone in Hampstead who could only post endless links and pointless pictures lifted from image searches. Please every time give us the personal stuff over the geekdom!
They get around
Seems it's catching, like any other disease: I subtlely borrowed this from another blog as it looked so familiar, and I don't believe it's the same person doing all of them.
Comments
Sun, Oct 2nd 2005, 03:58 AM
someone with a life: ****ing blogging is for idiots with no life. nobody gives a **** what you think about the world. and more importantly - NOBODY ****ING READS THEM!!!!
Sun, Oct 2nd 2005, 03:56 AM
someone with a life: get a life you sad ****ers
Mon
OK, what about the people that read them, including the person who wrote this who says nobody does. Very constructive.
Comments
Sun, Oct 2nd 2005, 03:58 AM
someone with a life: ****ing blogging is for idiots with no life. nobody gives a **** what you think about the world. and more importantly - NOBODY ****ING READS THEM!!!!
Sun, Oct 2nd 2005, 03:56 AM
someone with a life: get a life you sad ****ers
Mon
OK, what about the people that read them, including the person who wrote this who says nobody does. Very constructive.
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
today
Well, so far everything's more or less gone to plan today, as you can see I got my Hampstead Garden Suburb photo trip done at last, and have 35 reasonable pictures from it. One thing I must always remember is to not feel guilty when I piss away part or all of a day, as I pay my bills and am really answerable to no one. Just looking from other's points of views I don't fit in, but the many people I know who are in the identical position I am in of course will not see me as different. And unlike me, none of them seem to feel the slightest bit guilty about it like I do. Anyway, it's a habit I have to break, along with many others I spot now and again.
It's a good incentive having people over, when there's a good reason to clear up the house it gets done a lot quicker, just as it does when people are actually here as it takes my mind off it. Tomorrow's also free besides the evening, I may make it to Sunnyhill Park in Hendon, with some of the widest views in North London, and some very nice corners. Otherwise I intend to really get stuck into my painting as I haven't had a proper chance for a couple of weeks.
I'm also, after almost 6 years, becoming a bit more daring on my forums, as being too diplomatic and holding back opinions can mean missing some cracking discussions just for the sake of avoiding possible conflict. I realised generally, partly from having years of it with my family, I had tried to close every possible route to conflict even where I was probably in the right. Now I realise as long as I'm both prepared for it, and know the worst that can happen getting a bit of stick isn't so bad as long as I know how to keep it relatively under control. I have lost my earlier fear anyone I knew may drop me if we get into an argument, as they haven't, and my fear of being banned from forums, especially when you consider what some of the real 'characters' can get up to.
So, that's the current situation, my visitors are expected in about an hour so I've got a few more things to do first, and wonder if I'll get away with keeping the football on...
As you can see, I'm having fun with the HTML codes now, and brightening up my posts a bit.
It's a good incentive having people over, when there's a good reason to clear up the house it gets done a lot quicker, just as it does when people are actually here as it takes my mind off it. Tomorrow's also free besides the evening, I may make it to Sunnyhill Park in Hendon, with some of the widest views in North London, and some very nice corners. Otherwise I intend to really get stuck into my painting as I haven't had a proper chance for a couple of weeks.
I'm also, after almost 6 years, becoming a bit more daring on my forums, as being too diplomatic and holding back opinions can mean missing some cracking discussions just for the sake of avoiding possible conflict. I realised generally, partly from having years of it with my family, I had tried to close every possible route to conflict even where I was probably in the right. Now I realise as long as I'm both prepared for it, and know the worst that can happen getting a bit of stick isn't so bad as long as I know how to keep it relatively under control. I have lost my earlier fear anyone I knew may drop me if we get into an argument, as they haven't, and my fear of being banned from forums, especially when you consider what some of the real 'characters' can get up to.
So, that's the current situation, my visitors are expected in about an hour so I've got a few more things to do first, and wonder if I'll get away with keeping the football on...
As you can see, I'm having fun with the HTML codes now, and brightening up my posts a bit.
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
News?
As you can see, I just managed to get up in time to take some photos on the doorstep before the light went down. I was very happy with the results, and have some more lined up but maybe not till the days get longer.
The furniture arrived today next door, so the people can't be that far behind. I had to move in a few days before that as it was in storage, and had to use a sleeping bag on the floor as I had to be near where I worked. I still have a few boxes I didn't unpack in the garage (ten years and counting) though if it didn't leak it wouldn't be so bad...
I've moved to 5 different places on my own, and not one time did either next door neighbour come and say hello, as I would always do. Miserable bastards, and typical bloody London (plus one Oxford).
My grandma's new TV is fantastic, with built in DVD player (not that anyone really needs that), and after a couple of hours got the video and digibox running. The digibox needed totally rerouting, as it refused to see it with the fly lead connection so I used the scart, and then there was no signal. I realised a reset was the last option, and luckily it had jammed internally (as all the buttons still worked) and it all popped up, thank goodness. Everything looks far better on the new set now.
I've realised the art of both writing and photography is making the ordinary interesting. 90% plus of life is ordinary, and if employed to do a regular column have to write whether anything interesting's happened or not. I still and always will believe the news ought to be flexible and only mention items worth reporting and show cartoons for the rest of the time, rather than boring us (well, me at least)with padding which serves to depress and annoy. OK, of course we all feel sorry for humanity suffering wherever it is, but detailed reports of train and coach crashes in India or Kazakhstan, or every fucking bomb that goes off in Iraq, identical to the fine detail we had for about 20 years in Northern Ireland and now have to get from an even less relevant area to England. If two people were injured by a bomb in the Shankill Road put it on the local news for Christ's sake, people in England, unless they are related to people there not only don't care, but if they do, shouldn't. It's a private fight and one we would only understand by a long stay there, and many of the locals aren't aware the IRA, like many other terrorist gangs, are actually just organised criminals like the mafia and have few if any true political motives. That's a tangent though, as my main point I've said for years is news should fit the people listening to it. If a church hall is vandalised in Cambridge, it goes out on Fenland focus, or whatever they have up there. It doesn't appear on the national news. So why the bleeding bloody hell do fights and disasters in every cockamamy village on earth make the national news six days a week out of seven as so little locally has happened? It means we become immunised to so much news as after a short time of one irrelevant tale after another all but the most serious anoraks will mentally switch off, and then stop caring about most of the news altogether as I did long ago.
Not pointing fingers, as I have far less mainstream interests myself, but an alternative but no more useful consequence is an unhealthy fascination with these minutiae. For instance many internet forums are packed with affluent westerners theorising on political matters in flyblown countries they'd hardly ever visit, yet become so hooked on every minor twist and turn in the Balkan states or Central Africa they eagerly await every report from correspondents surrounded by flying artillery in the background, or goats in the foreground, as if it makes a fucking difference to their own lives! It doesn't! The crashes in my own country don't affect me, a bomb attack in my own city only affects those in it or who know people who are. We can't avoid these situations, as the Israelis know only too well, so like they do, everyone else shouldn't see a bomb and hide indoors indefinitely. But again, that's another tangent. News is personal. That's the beauty of blogging. Millions of channels and something for everyone. I said I'll mention news which gets in my way, or (very rarely) improves my life, but because it's part of my life. Not selfish, just realistic. Well, that lecture's over, but next time the news is on make a log of all the stories that actually make a difference to you, and then add any that were a surprise. I can now see why so many people drift off into celebrity clothes and affairs. Just as irrelevant but at least more personal.
Tomorrow is free (hooray!), I hope I'm up in time to take some serious photos, but if not, big deal, the places will still be there in 2006. And a big thank you to all my readers. I had, in the first week of counting, an average of 90 hits a day, which unless a naughty boy or girl was clicking a mouse in jest (which is not clever or funny, and can be filtered out) was a pretty good showing. I am also off to the chemist (now now, don't titter) to see if they can take a few of my tree photos and blow them up to about 10 by 8 for the wall. I see another exhibition coming.
The furniture arrived today next door, so the people can't be that far behind. I had to move in a few days before that as it was in storage, and had to use a sleeping bag on the floor as I had to be near where I worked. I still have a few boxes I didn't unpack in the garage (ten years and counting) though if it didn't leak it wouldn't be so bad...
I've moved to 5 different places on my own, and not one time did either next door neighbour come and say hello, as I would always do. Miserable bastards, and typical bloody London (plus one Oxford).
My grandma's new TV is fantastic, with built in DVD player (not that anyone really needs that), and after a couple of hours got the video and digibox running. The digibox needed totally rerouting, as it refused to see it with the fly lead connection so I used the scart, and then there was no signal. I realised a reset was the last option, and luckily it had jammed internally (as all the buttons still worked) and it all popped up, thank goodness. Everything looks far better on the new set now.
I've realised the art of both writing and photography is making the ordinary interesting. 90% plus of life is ordinary, and if employed to do a regular column have to write whether anything interesting's happened or not. I still and always will believe the news ought to be flexible and only mention items worth reporting and show cartoons for the rest of the time, rather than boring us (well, me at least)with padding which serves to depress and annoy. OK, of course we all feel sorry for humanity suffering wherever it is, but detailed reports of train and coach crashes in India or Kazakhstan, or every fucking bomb that goes off in Iraq, identical to the fine detail we had for about 20 years in Northern Ireland and now have to get from an even less relevant area to England. If two people were injured by a bomb in the Shankill Road put it on the local news for Christ's sake, people in England, unless they are related to people there not only don't care, but if they do, shouldn't. It's a private fight and one we would only understand by a long stay there, and many of the locals aren't aware the IRA, like many other terrorist gangs, are actually just organised criminals like the mafia and have few if any true political motives. That's a tangent though, as my main point I've said for years is news should fit the people listening to it. If a church hall is vandalised in Cambridge, it goes out on Fenland focus, or whatever they have up there. It doesn't appear on the national news. So why the bleeding bloody hell do fights and disasters in every cockamamy village on earth make the national news six days a week out of seven as so little locally has happened? It means we become immunised to so much news as after a short time of one irrelevant tale after another all but the most serious anoraks will mentally switch off, and then stop caring about most of the news altogether as I did long ago.
Not pointing fingers, as I have far less mainstream interests myself, but an alternative but no more useful consequence is an unhealthy fascination with these minutiae. For instance many internet forums are packed with affluent westerners theorising on political matters in flyblown countries they'd hardly ever visit, yet become so hooked on every minor twist and turn in the Balkan states or Central Africa they eagerly await every report from correspondents surrounded by flying artillery in the background, or goats in the foreground, as if it makes a fucking difference to their own lives! It doesn't! The crashes in my own country don't affect me, a bomb attack in my own city only affects those in it or who know people who are. We can't avoid these situations, as the Israelis know only too well, so like they do, everyone else shouldn't see a bomb and hide indoors indefinitely. But again, that's another tangent. News is personal. That's the beauty of blogging. Millions of channels and something for everyone. I said I'll mention news which gets in my way, or (very rarely) improves my life, but because it's part of my life. Not selfish, just realistic. Well, that lecture's over, but next time the news is on make a log of all the stories that actually make a difference to you, and then add any that were a surprise. I can now see why so many people drift off into celebrity clothes and affairs. Just as irrelevant but at least more personal.
Tomorrow is free (hooray!), I hope I'm up in time to take some serious photos, but if not, big deal, the places will still be there in 2006. And a big thank you to all my readers. I had, in the first week of counting, an average of 90 hits a day, which unless a naughty boy or girl was clicking a mouse in jest (which is not clever or funny, and can be filtered out) was a pretty good showing. I am also off to the chemist (now now, don't titter) to see if they can take a few of my tree photos and blow them up to about 10 by 8 for the wall. I see another exhibition coming.
Inspiration
Time and space can be a mixed blessing. The first time I had it all was the 9 month gap between O and A levels, and though I had a moped for transport and the time to do whatever I wanted, within a few weeks I was fed up as everyone else was at school and my parents were at work. Unless I was with other people there wasn't that much to do on my own. I'm in a similar position now, but potentially eternal. I have far more resources but the same position, and no one coming home in the evening either. Simply looking after a house forces you to spend some of the time doing that, but otherwise if there's no regular job or friends or family around the spare time expands so much you have to be a bit of a wizard to make it all count. If you're working you spend lots of time thinking what you'd do if you weren't, and usually have less time available than you want for it so never run out of steam, alone or not. I did decide long ago we can only make the best of the cards we've been dealt, so I've made an art of using my time as fully as possible, but it took time to do so. And that's where I need the inspiration. I was given inspiration to get a digital camera after being linked to some other local sites in a forum, and now I need some more as I can't just work on a single issue for the forseeable future. This is one element that comes on its own, with no outside control from me, so I'm calling upon the inspiration fairies just in case any of these prayers/bollocks I write are ever listened to.
I've mentioned before things in life you have to work around and things you can work to shift directly or indirectly. People are the toughest to control as like animals they come and go as they please. As we don't cage our friends and relatives as we do with many animals (not our budgies, who spent the day flying around the house and depositing budgie poo poo down the back of every picture they perched on) there are no constraints on them at all to bring any into my empty life. I can control directly what I say, write, create and where I am more or less, so concentrate on that. Indirectly I can control how much work I do (by networking, advertising etc) and most other business matters, but otherwise life flows independently from me.
I was just thinking if the non-dual view is true, this is how it really is:
Of course this is a dream. Now I know this there is both nobody else here, but everything about me is part of it. My body is just another in it, and my awareness is all that creates it all, as what else is there?
Other implications are that it also means my mind is way beyond what I believed it was. It can do maths and physics and create amazing scenery, TV comedies and every other creation in the universe. My apparently personal mind has only given itself a limited collection of abilities, so it can interact with others and have some connections in the dream, making it appear more it's not all me. But ultimately all others are there to entertain an otherwise lonely existence as the one. Clues it's my dream increase with enquiry. Coincidences and synchronicities allow the creator to bunch a few totally random events in little groups to show there's a plan behind it, but not too many or it'll become obvious and predictable. Like it or not, if that's the case, I'm talking to myself as well now and that's the only truth.
Well, back to the substance of the dream. I have made a few new friends that are drifting into my life gradually. No single regular one as before, but as long as more of my time is spent with friends I'm happy. I also discovered some of human nature is still good as my mobile phone left my person (for the first time in about 13 years) yesterday, and unless contacted by a finder would lose (worse than buying a cheap new one) all my data on the sim card. My father and I phoned it a number of times, and as I was about to cancel it he kept trying and someone answered!
I had it back within 4 hours and a very nice and decent lady now has a pot of flowers as s souvenir of her honesty and decency. I have found items all my life and always either returned them to the address given, and if not the police (who never got the stuff recovered so I got a couple of items). I won't put the phone in my jacket pocket again though...
I also just finished a Sunday Tines prize crossword for a change which will be sent to vie with thousands of others for a free pen. I also gave my main URL to someone at the community centre, so if you're reading, hello! Tell me if you found this!
So, going with the flow I am engaged in painting, taking photos and doing my course until things change. It's just enough but more (via the routes I can't control) would be nice. Please?
I've mentioned before things in life you have to work around and things you can work to shift directly or indirectly. People are the toughest to control as like animals they come and go as they please. As we don't cage our friends and relatives as we do with many animals (not our budgies, who spent the day flying around the house and depositing budgie poo poo down the back of every picture they perched on) there are no constraints on them at all to bring any into my empty life. I can control directly what I say, write, create and where I am more or less, so concentrate on that. Indirectly I can control how much work I do (by networking, advertising etc) and most other business matters, but otherwise life flows independently from me.
I was just thinking if the non-dual view is true, this is how it really is:
Of course this is a dream. Now I know this there is both nobody else here, but everything about me is part of it. My body is just another in it, and my awareness is all that creates it all, as what else is there?
Other implications are that it also means my mind is way beyond what I believed it was. It can do maths and physics and create amazing scenery, TV comedies and every other creation in the universe. My apparently personal mind has only given itself a limited collection of abilities, so it can interact with others and have some connections in the dream, making it appear more it's not all me. But ultimately all others are there to entertain an otherwise lonely existence as the one. Clues it's my dream increase with enquiry. Coincidences and synchronicities allow the creator to bunch a few totally random events in little groups to show there's a plan behind it, but not too many or it'll become obvious and predictable. Like it or not, if that's the case, I'm talking to myself as well now and that's the only truth.
Well, back to the substance of the dream. I have made a few new friends that are drifting into my life gradually. No single regular one as before, but as long as more of my time is spent with friends I'm happy. I also discovered some of human nature is still good as my mobile phone left my person (for the first time in about 13 years) yesterday, and unless contacted by a finder would lose (worse than buying a cheap new one) all my data on the sim card. My father and I phoned it a number of times, and as I was about to cancel it he kept trying and someone answered!
I had it back within 4 hours and a very nice and decent lady now has a pot of flowers as s souvenir of her honesty and decency. I have found items all my life and always either returned them to the address given, and if not the police (who never got the stuff recovered so I got a couple of items). I won't put the phone in my jacket pocket again though...
I also just finished a Sunday Tines prize crossword for a change which will be sent to vie with thousands of others for a free pen. I also gave my main URL to someone at the community centre, so if you're reading, hello! Tell me if you found this!
So, going with the flow I am engaged in painting, taking photos and doing my course until things change. It's just enough but more (via the routes I can't control) would be nice. Please?
Saturday, December 10, 2005
Life reflecting TV
I don't know whether I'm becoming a drama queen or finding everyday life so boring when anything a bit different does happen it stands out in comparison. Either way, my excuses have been covered so here goes.
For TV and film viewers drama and chaos is very exciting, but the actors are only playing out a script and not having to live it for real. My life has no audience, and I'm in the middle of it and don't appreciate the elements that will make a major book or TV series should it ever get written and used. From the smallest to the largest element it can shoot out of control in ways that though not leaving physical damage, can potentially do everything else, many though not all lodging in my subconscious store of experiences and sitting there like yet another stone in my shoe.
Overall it's been a pretty average week. A bit more work than usual (it always evens up though) and just enough light to get two batches of photos done (25 minutes altogether, and that only thanks to the auto-fix faculty that resets underexposed pictures). Next week and for another two that'll reduce even more as it's about 7 minutes less a day per week until the new year. Not a good time to buy a digital camera- if it was May or June I'd have done most of my list by now by staying out till about 6 once I was out, but this will be strung out. I've done a little with the remaining indoor time, some but not much work on my painting and the article I mentioned on Tuesday. Wednesday night was a rare night in as there was football on Sky (I only watch it selectively now) and saw my team, Manchester Utd, get knocked out of the first stage of the European cup, as I dreamed the previous night. It turned out they only needed a draw to get through, and that required just one more goal. I'm just pleased England are in the World Cup, which is far more important really. I don't feel I've exactly wasted the week but it still feels pretty unfulfilled and became chaotic later into it as well. I can only speak for now and it's put me all over the place.
Nick Roach so often seems to have a point to make on whatever's happening to me, and he says here that we receive drama when we want it, though how after all this time looking for peace it still gets created beats me. Jung would say it's coming from my subconscious, but then I'd need years of analysis to uncover what's driving the outer weather system from within my being.
The film/book/tv series would be my only profit from the last few years, should it (cough cough) ever happen. It would star my grandma, who's now started a three person mission (ending with me this time) to get her a new TV for the price of a radio (though she can afford better). That's the weekend's task, which I hope will be relatively simple which I know it can be.
Her lifetime's lectures and wisdom would be the focal point of it, her hawk eye watching your every move, shifting ornaments back an inch when someone's moved them, asking what you did when you went to the toilet, where are you going, when are you coming back, who was on the phone, did you comb your hair (you need to ask that? think about it...), have you washed your hands, etc etc.
Then she'd be shown attempting, like King Canute (though he actually attempted to stop the tide to show he couldn't do it, not that he could) but genuinely expecting things to follow her will, telling the cat not to do its business in her garden, deciding what jobs and girlfriends I should and shouldn't have (like I ever took any notice), the clothes I wear and length of my hair (the one concession I usually make for the sake of peace) and any other element she feels is imperfect in her world. I could (without much work) make myself the Woody Allen narrator of the show, adding up the number of weeks of therapy each incident caused for me, and any connected neuroses attached, such as her insistence anyone who doesn't like restaurants is peculiar, and no normal woman would ever want to go out with me. The trouble is she could well be right on both counts. But I doubt on the eating out, it sucks. Anyway, we'd see her in a restaurant rounding up errant family members like stray cattle- 'Why are you late' 'Aren't you going to order yet?' 'Why do you want to eat that?', and then go on to comment on every person's table manners once the food actually arrives (having already picked through every element of their clothing faux pas first).
I could then add some of the more 'left field' people I've collected much in the way cats pick up burrs on their fur in my life. Like the one who quizzes strangers on their personal life. When she was considering having children went up to any woman she met casually and ended up asking them if their childbirth was painful. Then the other person who met said woman's husband at his insurance brokers, and said to him 'Your wife goes on a bit, doesn't she'. Does everyone know people like this, or do they come to me like the Pied Piper? Then you'd see the incredibly wide scope of mental illnesses so many friends have, not when I met them but developed suddenly years later, and relayed in full via stories of meeting Jesus in Fulham Palace Road, poison gas being pumped into their flat, and prison guards standing outside the bedroom. It's like living in a crazy, chili-fuelled nightmare at times but nature has provided these situations are genuine, and completely real to the individuals who believe they are happening to them. Just like my life is to me...
I suppose I could include little scenes from childhood as well, when it was mainly happier times, but no shortage of characters. Going back to primary school we had Malcolm from Glasgow, who used to look down on all of us in the class as 'my father's a barrister'. Actually so was mine, big deal, but they were in fairness also millionaires, though that could have come from many other sources. There was Simon, whose initials spelt out SBD, and used to say 'Do you want to hear a funny noise?' when he was going to fart, and his friend whose surname was Levin (said like Levine) who we called Latrine, who also came up with possibly the lamest excuse I'd ever heard why I couldn't come round his house, "The boilerman's coming". We used this as a joke reason for about ten years afterwards. It was as if the spirit of Woody Allen (just like the holy spirit and possibly the self-same entity) came down on North London and entered selected Jews to provide both entertainment and academic excellence to the world. All these guys went on to high faluting careers way beyond myself, but still no doubt 30 years on in the mould of Woody Allen. I can just imagine Malcolm standing in court attempting to cross-examine a witness and stopping to announce 'Ooh! I think my bottom has something to say!'. I really can see him doing that. Or another Malcolm, also a lawyer, who was a family friend, and his best line (of many similar) was when at the age of 8 I dropped a classic one in the back of his tiny and crowded Baby Fiat. He turned round from the driver's seat and asked 'Do you want some toilet paper?'. I almost did after that!
Seinfeld knew exactly what he had to do in his series, though NBC (or whatever cockamamy US company took it) said it was too Jewish, so he had to pretend the cast outside his family wasn't (when all besides Kramer was) despite the scripts being identical and impossible to be anything but. So before the TV series or even the more likely attempted book (as I can publish that myself if I want to regardless) is out, it's all available to read here. And believe me, compared to most TV series the real thing is far more out there. They have to water much down for TV as people wouldn't believe it. Honestly!
For TV and film viewers drama and chaos is very exciting, but the actors are only playing out a script and not having to live it for real. My life has no audience, and I'm in the middle of it and don't appreciate the elements that will make a major book or TV series should it ever get written and used. From the smallest to the largest element it can shoot out of control in ways that though not leaving physical damage, can potentially do everything else, many though not all lodging in my subconscious store of experiences and sitting there like yet another stone in my shoe.
Overall it's been a pretty average week. A bit more work than usual (it always evens up though) and just enough light to get two batches of photos done (25 minutes altogether, and that only thanks to the auto-fix faculty that resets underexposed pictures). Next week and for another two that'll reduce even more as it's about 7 minutes less a day per week until the new year. Not a good time to buy a digital camera- if it was May or June I'd have done most of my list by now by staying out till about 6 once I was out, but this will be strung out. I've done a little with the remaining indoor time, some but not much work on my painting and the article I mentioned on Tuesday. Wednesday night was a rare night in as there was football on Sky (I only watch it selectively now) and saw my team, Manchester Utd, get knocked out of the first stage of the European cup, as I dreamed the previous night. It turned out they only needed a draw to get through, and that required just one more goal. I'm just pleased England are in the World Cup, which is far more important really. I don't feel I've exactly wasted the week but it still feels pretty unfulfilled and became chaotic later into it as well. I can only speak for now and it's put me all over the place.
Nick Roach so often seems to have a point to make on whatever's happening to me, and he says here that we receive drama when we want it, though how after all this time looking for peace it still gets created beats me. Jung would say it's coming from my subconscious, but then I'd need years of analysis to uncover what's driving the outer weather system from within my being.
The film/book/tv series would be my only profit from the last few years, should it (cough cough) ever happen. It would star my grandma, who's now started a three person mission (ending with me this time) to get her a new TV for the price of a radio (though she can afford better). That's the weekend's task, which I hope will be relatively simple which I know it can be.
Her lifetime's lectures and wisdom would be the focal point of it, her hawk eye watching your every move, shifting ornaments back an inch when someone's moved them, asking what you did when you went to the toilet, where are you going, when are you coming back, who was on the phone, did you comb your hair (you need to ask that? think about it...), have you washed your hands, etc etc.
Then she'd be shown attempting, like King Canute (though he actually attempted to stop the tide to show he couldn't do it, not that he could) but genuinely expecting things to follow her will, telling the cat not to do its business in her garden, deciding what jobs and girlfriends I should and shouldn't have (like I ever took any notice), the clothes I wear and length of my hair (the one concession I usually make for the sake of peace) and any other element she feels is imperfect in her world. I could (without much work) make myself the Woody Allen narrator of the show, adding up the number of weeks of therapy each incident caused for me, and any connected neuroses attached, such as her insistence anyone who doesn't like restaurants is peculiar, and no normal woman would ever want to go out with me. The trouble is she could well be right on both counts. But I doubt on the eating out, it sucks. Anyway, we'd see her in a restaurant rounding up errant family members like stray cattle- 'Why are you late' 'Aren't you going to order yet?' 'Why do you want to eat that?', and then go on to comment on every person's table manners once the food actually arrives (having already picked through every element of their clothing faux pas first).
I could then add some of the more 'left field' people I've collected much in the way cats pick up burrs on their fur in my life. Like the one who quizzes strangers on their personal life. When she was considering having children went up to any woman she met casually and ended up asking them if their childbirth was painful. Then the other person who met said woman's husband at his insurance brokers, and said to him 'Your wife goes on a bit, doesn't she'. Does everyone know people like this, or do they come to me like the Pied Piper? Then you'd see the incredibly wide scope of mental illnesses so many friends have, not when I met them but developed suddenly years later, and relayed in full via stories of meeting Jesus in Fulham Palace Road, poison gas being pumped into their flat, and prison guards standing outside the bedroom. It's like living in a crazy, chili-fuelled nightmare at times but nature has provided these situations are genuine, and completely real to the individuals who believe they are happening to them. Just like my life is to me...
I suppose I could include little scenes from childhood as well, when it was mainly happier times, but no shortage of characters. Going back to primary school we had Malcolm from Glasgow, who used to look down on all of us in the class as 'my father's a barrister'. Actually so was mine, big deal, but they were in fairness also millionaires, though that could have come from many other sources. There was Simon, whose initials spelt out SBD, and used to say 'Do you want to hear a funny noise?' when he was going to fart, and his friend whose surname was Levin (said like Levine) who we called Latrine, who also came up with possibly the lamest excuse I'd ever heard why I couldn't come round his house, "The boilerman's coming". We used this as a joke reason for about ten years afterwards. It was as if the spirit of Woody Allen (just like the holy spirit and possibly the self-same entity) came down on North London and entered selected Jews to provide both entertainment and academic excellence to the world. All these guys went on to high faluting careers way beyond myself, but still no doubt 30 years on in the mould of Woody Allen. I can just imagine Malcolm standing in court attempting to cross-examine a witness and stopping to announce 'Ooh! I think my bottom has something to say!'. I really can see him doing that. Or another Malcolm, also a lawyer, who was a family friend, and his best line (of many similar) was when at the age of 8 I dropped a classic one in the back of his tiny and crowded Baby Fiat. He turned round from the driver's seat and asked 'Do you want some toilet paper?'. I almost did after that!
Seinfeld knew exactly what he had to do in his series, though NBC (or whatever cockamamy US company took it) said it was too Jewish, so he had to pretend the cast outside his family wasn't (when all besides Kramer was) despite the scripts being identical and impossible to be anything but. So before the TV series or even the more likely attempted book (as I can publish that myself if I want to regardless) is out, it's all available to read here. And believe me, compared to most TV series the real thing is far more out there. They have to water much down for TV as people wouldn't believe it. Honestly!
Friday, December 09, 2005
Job alternatives.
Better to be hooked on blogging than many bad habits. Though the only interesting thing I did today was already posted previously, I have a little time before I aim to go to bed relatively early. When I'm at my grandma's and there's nothing on the TV (literally tonight as it packed up and we had the radio on instead) I plan my entry in advance. I had no new ideas tonight though, except clarifying for myself how since 1991 each time I looked for a job I got less than I aimed for, full time got me three days a week, part time got me part time which lasted a week, and everything since got me diddly-squat, but allowed both my creative side to build a fair portfolio, and the chance to study from home to optimise my qualifications. None was as planned, and though I don't fit in with conventional opinions I have been able to get far more from my true nature than spend most of the time working for someone else, helping them to get more money and create sod all of value in the process.
Instead I have still paid my bills, but been able to study and create as much as I possibly could despite hundreds of recorded job applications I was always prepared and happy to take. If any of these then lead to paid work I'm sure in a year it would pay more than all the last 8 years I didn't have a regular job, besides the rare client or two. The major point I gained from this was it was impossible to plan ahead. Everyone besides the desperate filter jobs they see advertised, but usually get one in the end as even I did eventually. But since losing the last one in 2000 (hardly one I'd include as regular though) I basically changed direction and looking back gained far more in the last 5 years though most narrow minded people are disgusted with me and my type for apparently dropping out. Well I never chose to drop out, no one actually chose to offer me anything. As a result my creative side was let free to bloom and having spent most of this year building up writing, paintings and other media work, hope next year sees one or more of these areas bearing fruit in the way of payment. And once you've been used once you're part of the establishment, I'd be a freelance whatever it is that hooks the employer, and no longer officially unemployed. And few areas relate directly to any of my qualifications, but my practice of actually creating things. Only my writing is indirectly supported by therapy qualifications, but as I don't intend to write on that for the bigger media even that will be based purely on ability as I won't be writing on anything professional unless specifically asked to for them.
So, though someone I'll call 'Aunty Gladys', along with others, was my main critic and used to comment to anyone who knew me things like 'You know he doesn't work' etc., and represents the standard view of probably 98% of humanity except the few remaining hippies and anarchists, not doing paid work does not equate to doing nothing, and it was never through lack of looking. And if my creative work does pay results the Aunty Gladyses of the world (mainly north London) will say 'hasn't he done well!', not thinking it was only the years of apparently fallow time that allowed me to build up the ability and portfolio in the first place.
No one looking at a great work of art or literature (not talking about me now, but generally) would ever consider how many hours a week the artist worked, and looking at Van Gogh the poor sod never got a thing from his paintings during his lifetime besides a few bits and pieces in exchange for the occasional one. The alternative for most people is to wait till they're retired before their creative side comes out, and how long and great will your career be in your 60s when most people would rather slow down than run around doing book signings or gallery openings. I'm 45 and that's late enough to start such a career, I wouldn't have wanted it to wait much longer.
Instead I have still paid my bills, but been able to study and create as much as I possibly could despite hundreds of recorded job applications I was always prepared and happy to take. If any of these then lead to paid work I'm sure in a year it would pay more than all the last 8 years I didn't have a regular job, besides the rare client or two. The major point I gained from this was it was impossible to plan ahead. Everyone besides the desperate filter jobs they see advertised, but usually get one in the end as even I did eventually. But since losing the last one in 2000 (hardly one I'd include as regular though) I basically changed direction and looking back gained far more in the last 5 years though most narrow minded people are disgusted with me and my type for apparently dropping out. Well I never chose to drop out, no one actually chose to offer me anything. As a result my creative side was let free to bloom and having spent most of this year building up writing, paintings and other media work, hope next year sees one or more of these areas bearing fruit in the way of payment. And once you've been used once you're part of the establishment, I'd be a freelance whatever it is that hooks the employer, and no longer officially unemployed. And few areas relate directly to any of my qualifications, but my practice of actually creating things. Only my writing is indirectly supported by therapy qualifications, but as I don't intend to write on that for the bigger media even that will be based purely on ability as I won't be writing on anything professional unless specifically asked to for them.
So, though someone I'll call 'Aunty Gladys', along with others, was my main critic and used to comment to anyone who knew me things like 'You know he doesn't work' etc., and represents the standard view of probably 98% of humanity except the few remaining hippies and anarchists, not doing paid work does not equate to doing nothing, and it was never through lack of looking. And if my creative work does pay results the Aunty Gladyses of the world (mainly north London) will say 'hasn't he done well!', not thinking it was only the years of apparently fallow time that allowed me to build up the ability and portfolio in the first place.
No one looking at a great work of art or literature (not talking about me now, but generally) would ever consider how many hours a week the artist worked, and looking at Van Gogh the poor sod never got a thing from his paintings during his lifetime besides a few bits and pieces in exchange for the occasional one. The alternative for most people is to wait till they're retired before their creative side comes out, and how long and great will your career be in your 60s when most people would rather slow down than run around doing book signings or gallery openings. I'm 45 and that's late enough to start such a career, I wouldn't have wanted it to wait much longer.
Thursday, December 08, 2005
Golders Green
More from my latest visit round the corner (with 15 minutes of light to use...)
St Jude's church, Hampstead Garden Suburb, from Portsdown Road, Temple Fortune.
Brent Cross Station bridge
Wentworth Road
St Jude's church, Hampstead Garden Suburb, from Portsdown Road, Temple Fortune.
Brent Cross Station bridge
Wentworth Road
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
Decent site alert!
Now this is the sort of site I like.
US and Canadian railway stations.
Of course I have many UK ones of my own, but I'm not about to scan them all in, yet...
This however is a very thorough collection of local views in the UK Spondon. Sadly Spondon, like 90% of the British towns I've visited is a typical shithole, which is no fault of theirs but going further and doing a simple Yahoo image search of shops, the majority are British and the succession of miserable Victorian apparitions combined with prefabricated asbestos from the 50s and 60s, and anonymous 1930s blocks with floors of flats above make me almost embarrassed to be British...
We have many of the best places here, but so many of the worst as well
Stoke On Trent
However, from watching CHIPS and many other US series (as well as two visits since) these are the sort of shops I like to see, which are totally absent in the UK, and such free-standing signs as they have there are mainly illegal here as well. Here's a lovely example of the sort of places
Dothan Alabama shops
US and Canadian railway stations.
Of course I have many UK ones of my own, but I'm not about to scan them all in, yet...
This however is a very thorough collection of local views in the UK Spondon. Sadly Spondon, like 90% of the British towns I've visited is a typical shithole, which is no fault of theirs but going further and doing a simple Yahoo image search of shops, the majority are British and the succession of miserable Victorian apparitions combined with prefabricated asbestos from the 50s and 60s, and anonymous 1930s blocks with floors of flats above make me almost embarrassed to be British...
We have many of the best places here, but so many of the worst as well
Stoke On Trent
However, from watching CHIPS and many other US series (as well as two visits since) these are the sort of shops I like to see, which are totally absent in the UK, and such free-standing signs as they have there are mainly illegal here as well. Here's a lovely example of the sort of places
Dothan Alabama shops
beyond a title
Am I really going round in circles? Not exactly, but whatever rewards life may appear to offer I skirt round them very effectively most of the time, and was so tired today I rose to all required occasions but wonder how I'll be able to do many more if the tiredness continues. If I was suffering from some chronic but not life threatening disease I'd understand fully, as sometimes it feels just like it, and my reactions would be perfectly reasonable. But if you look at the 2005 stresses I've had (which are mostly reported here) they have clearly taken their toll physically as well as mentally, and I really need a guaranteed few weeks with no stress and not alone, which is only available in a hospital in my case! (which is the last place I'd want to be). So having to be in the real world regardless as long as there isn't some lurking blood disease or the like, I'll just have to go with the flow.
The hits are truly amazing here, (unless some wiseacre is adding them on purpose, which I can check in a few minutes so not effective) and I now know I'm not writing for an audience of two or three. I can only say how pleased I am, and it's good to know it's not just a mirror to reflect my own feelings off but going further.
Anyway, today was the big one of the week, I've done all that work I had to do and can more or less relax again. I hope to do my next photo run tomorrow, there have been people near and far bringing back memories looking at scenes of Golders Green Road, including an expat who used to live just behind it. Spotting gaps in the market is what I do, mainly by looking up things and finding no information on them. That's why I started my main site, and have linked many people since it started who would otherwise not have known about each other again as I was the only source online. Therefore my perfect ten concept may or may not be up already, as I don't intend to make a site for it I won't bother to look, but either way it's a cracking idea that needs one. Local views of anywhere are surprisingly absent from the net. I have managed to get views of main shopping centres round here to show friends abroad where I live, but little else and I'd struggle to find many equivalent suburban scenes anywhere in the world as most people consider them too boring to take. Now if you're taking them and showing them locally, of course they are, but to people around the world a view of any foreign scene can be interesting as it's different. I saw a potential in that but few if any others have. So I may make sod all money but all that time allows me to build up creations I'd probably get a fraction of done if I was working for someone else. As long as I pay the bills as well that situation suits me fine. And ultimately creations of all types have the potential for making money, and far more than you get in a menial job.
As there isn't much more going on I'll do a list of some of my little long-term projects that are on the go, and maybe the googles will lead the people who can help back to my questions here.
1) Looking for old friend Ronald Olivier. Last seen London 1975 before returning to Holland where his father of the same name worked for Fluor in Haarlem. They lost track of him as well apparently and all telephone directories came up blank as well.
2) Trying to contact holiday friend Tatjana Blacher. Traced to Berlin where she's always lived, found an entry for her brother's name but received no reply. She's now a famous actress there and looks just as I remembered her.
3) Trivia questions remain unanswered. a)Why do children with fair hair usually darken as teenagers? b)In 1999 what was the World Downhill skiing championship held in America which split the contestants for the proper championship in Europe? c) What was the car I saw in 1985 with windows that came down half way into the doors? There is the Subaru SVX but the one I saw had much lower windows and was out ten years earlier. d) Which country made Hondas with huge vertical and horizontal chrome grilles in the 1990s and what were their model names? There are many other unidentified cars I want to know, but can't do justice to in writing only.
4) Getting all the broken stuff around my house fixed without spending all my money as well.
5) Waiting for one (or more) of four paintings to sell in the gallery.
6) Find a friend I can (and want to) visit regularly since the last one emigrated.
7) Seeing if any of my published articles can ever attract a paying publisher.
8) Find someone prepared to repair my garage roof.
9) Looking for growing list of missing items, many quite large like books in a relatively small house.
Now added to my earlier list of old friends who I have lost track of (many by their choice I fear) if anyone can answer a question or locate a person it'll have done its job yet again posting it online.
The hits are truly amazing here, (unless some wiseacre is adding them on purpose, which I can check in a few minutes so not effective) and I now know I'm not writing for an audience of two or three. I can only say how pleased I am, and it's good to know it's not just a mirror to reflect my own feelings off but going further.
Anyway, today was the big one of the week, I've done all that work I had to do and can more or less relax again. I hope to do my next photo run tomorrow, there have been people near and far bringing back memories looking at scenes of Golders Green Road, including an expat who used to live just behind it. Spotting gaps in the market is what I do, mainly by looking up things and finding no information on them. That's why I started my main site, and have linked many people since it started who would otherwise not have known about each other again as I was the only source online. Therefore my perfect ten concept may or may not be up already, as I don't intend to make a site for it I won't bother to look, but either way it's a cracking idea that needs one. Local views of anywhere are surprisingly absent from the net. I have managed to get views of main shopping centres round here to show friends abroad where I live, but little else and I'd struggle to find many equivalent suburban scenes anywhere in the world as most people consider them too boring to take. Now if you're taking them and showing them locally, of course they are, but to people around the world a view of any foreign scene can be interesting as it's different. I saw a potential in that but few if any others have. So I may make sod all money but all that time allows me to build up creations I'd probably get a fraction of done if I was working for someone else. As long as I pay the bills as well that situation suits me fine. And ultimately creations of all types have the potential for making money, and far more than you get in a menial job.
As there isn't much more going on I'll do a list of some of my little long-term projects that are on the go, and maybe the googles will lead the people who can help back to my questions here.
1) Looking for old friend Ronald Olivier. Last seen London 1975 before returning to Holland where his father of the same name worked for Fluor in Haarlem. They lost track of him as well apparently and all telephone directories came up blank as well.
2) Trying to contact holiday friend Tatjana Blacher. Traced to Berlin where she's always lived, found an entry for her brother's name but received no reply. She's now a famous actress there and looks just as I remembered her.
3) Trivia questions remain unanswered. a)Why do children with fair hair usually darken as teenagers? b)In 1999 what was the World Downhill skiing championship held in America which split the contestants for the proper championship in Europe? c) What was the car I saw in 1985 with windows that came down half way into the doors? There is the Subaru SVX but the one I saw had much lower windows and was out ten years earlier. d) Which country made Hondas with huge vertical and horizontal chrome grilles in the 1990s and what were their model names? There are many other unidentified cars I want to know, but can't do justice to in writing only.
4) Getting all the broken stuff around my house fixed without spending all my money as well.
5) Waiting for one (or more) of four paintings to sell in the gallery.
6) Find a friend I can (and want to) visit regularly since the last one emigrated.
7) Seeing if any of my published articles can ever attract a paying publisher.
8) Find someone prepared to repair my garage roof.
9) Looking for growing list of missing items, many quite large like books in a relatively small house.
Now added to my earlier list of old friends who I have lost track of (many by their choice I fear) if anyone can answer a question or locate a person it'll have done its job yet again posting it online.
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
More tablets doctor...
As it's dark, wet and I'm too tired to go out today I'll make my entries now so I can get to bed slightly earlier than last night. It's a terrible habit but if you look at most of my internet entries they were done after midnight, as well as most of my writing. If I'm on a roll why stop? Shame the rest of the world doesn't wait for me to catch up though, and I can't always get up as late as I'd need to if things are booked the next day.
My article was sent and accepted within the hour earlier, and I think it's a lesson for many people to learn, the basic message being not to assume others react the same way to things as you do, as it's not necessarily the case and leads to pressure on them, and possible judgement where they don't conform to your own assumptions. It's rife in a certain part of my family and I know tends to be a particularly Jewish habit, where kids are indoctrinated to expect the same sorts of behaviour from everybody. Why not just be realistic and accept 'erratic' and then everyone will be assessed accurately. I wonder how standardised neuroses actually are having said that, as racially we all tend to demonstrate pretty similar sensitivities, comparable with the sensitive racehorses or delicate scientific equipment. High performance, high maintenance and low reliability. But it seems the majority have to trade brains and brawn, as few have both the incredible creative potential and stability in one. And having a similar balance myself would prefer both for myself and others if I had to choose to keep the creativity as it both satisfies my ambitions and leaves things for others' benefit. If my health is all over the place as well, so be it. It seems to add detritus with time, each negative experience adding to the reactive memory and weakening an already weary physical body.
This is interesting in the fact I have had to learn about aerobic and anaerobic exercise at the gym, and all my life I have had the lowest aerobic fitness I've ever come across (even worse than my mum apparently, as she doesn't exercise and I do and I am still unfit), but pretty good anaerobic. This, in practical terms, means I can go and lift weights of up to 60kg three or four times a week, but feel like shit after running for a few minutes. The only time I improved was after my Dad used to take me running for a few months, and I could do a lap or two of the circuit (400 yards?) without too many effects, and quickly. As soon as I stopped I was back to normal, almost collapsing after an hour of tennis. At 45 I don't intend to follow my Dad's example of taking up running in his 50s, and doing a hill run on many days of 6-7 miles. I'll stick to the weights and extending my brain rather than overdo the fitness, though I have bumped up my time on the running and stepping machines quite a bit as the one concession.
I assume having a partner or friend around would lessen the effects of any stress in my life, as at the moment any physical or mental stress produces a reaction comparable with a Vietnam veteran. I see it happening as an audience would now, I feel fine, something happens and my mind or body go into a sudden decline which is a million times worse than the incident that caused it. I know I'm both physically and mentally exhausted, am coming out of it slowly but not finally as as soon as things get tough I go back again. The literal only area this may now be a problem is meeting women. The woman who wanted to call me from the dating site looked pretty good generally, but having just got over my summer krenkheit* I dreaded going anywhere in case it came back as it can do at random, even now. People who already know me are probably used to it by now and make allowances, but expecting a potential new girlfriend to krich' around with me like I'm a geriatric is probably a bit more than most would be prepared to allow for.
I've had these sort of times before a couple of times, this may be worse but at least I now know more or less what it is, and have the experience to work around it rather than be stopped completely in my tracks or try and ignore it and make it even worse. In fact this time I can't do that as the levels of tiredness have been close to descriptions from ME, though I can walk and it doesn't usually last more than a few hours. But I feel I have to mention it here as my variable health is as much part of my life as what I do, and I've even had to miss a couple of football matches (including last Saturday) as I'm not sure I could hang about that long yet. Also I want people (through my article and here) to know how people can seem fine on the surface when you meet them (though sensitives will notice a problem) but be struggling to carry out tasks that used to be automatic. And though I suspect it's the rare few who get these problems (tell me I'm wrong?) that makes no difference when you're the one going through it, so it's just about being understood, and people not thinking I'm being difficult if I turn down arrangements and the like. I just can't manage a lot at the moment, full stop.
OK, I had my lecture, in fact I was only going to summarise my projects today, but as 1) they were reduced by tiredness and 2) I'd just written my article, it ended up as a full one-way therapy session. Culturally, I take after Freud, Einstein, Woody Allen, The Marx Brothers and many more weird but wonderful Jews. We make a career about sharing our feelings, partly maybe to balance the goyim who as a whole pretend they don't have any, and I have met some that actually think they don't as they were trained for so long to repress them. Neither extreme is ideal, but I just exploit the tendency as what's the point of trying to cover it up? I'm sure in my case it would leak out one way or another. I'm not Prince Charles and never will be, and I'd like to see the sort of guff he'd write if he was allowed to have a blog.
Mind you, my grandma is definitely the lost Jewish member of the royal family, and my mum always looked like the queen, but a lot younger. Maybe we've missed something...?
* illness 'crawl Visit here for more Yiddish translations.
My article was sent and accepted within the hour earlier, and I think it's a lesson for many people to learn, the basic message being not to assume others react the same way to things as you do, as it's not necessarily the case and leads to pressure on them, and possible judgement where they don't conform to your own assumptions. It's rife in a certain part of my family and I know tends to be a particularly Jewish habit, where kids are indoctrinated to expect the same sorts of behaviour from everybody. Why not just be realistic and accept 'erratic' and then everyone will be assessed accurately. I wonder how standardised neuroses actually are having said that, as racially we all tend to demonstrate pretty similar sensitivities, comparable with the sensitive racehorses or delicate scientific equipment. High performance, high maintenance and low reliability. But it seems the majority have to trade brains and brawn, as few have both the incredible creative potential and stability in one. And having a similar balance myself would prefer both for myself and others if I had to choose to keep the creativity as it both satisfies my ambitions and leaves things for others' benefit. If my health is all over the place as well, so be it. It seems to add detritus with time, each negative experience adding to the reactive memory and weakening an already weary physical body.
This is interesting in the fact I have had to learn about aerobic and anaerobic exercise at the gym, and all my life I have had the lowest aerobic fitness I've ever come across (even worse than my mum apparently, as she doesn't exercise and I do and I am still unfit), but pretty good anaerobic. This, in practical terms, means I can go and lift weights of up to 60kg three or four times a week, but feel like shit after running for a few minutes. The only time I improved was after my Dad used to take me running for a few months, and I could do a lap or two of the circuit (400 yards?) without too many effects, and quickly. As soon as I stopped I was back to normal, almost collapsing after an hour of tennis. At 45 I don't intend to follow my Dad's example of taking up running in his 50s, and doing a hill run on many days of 6-7 miles. I'll stick to the weights and extending my brain rather than overdo the fitness, though I have bumped up my time on the running and stepping machines quite a bit as the one concession.
I assume having a partner or friend around would lessen the effects of any stress in my life, as at the moment any physical or mental stress produces a reaction comparable with a Vietnam veteran. I see it happening as an audience would now, I feel fine, something happens and my mind or body go into a sudden decline which is a million times worse than the incident that caused it. I know I'm both physically and mentally exhausted, am coming out of it slowly but not finally as as soon as things get tough I go back again. The literal only area this may now be a problem is meeting women. The woman who wanted to call me from the dating site looked pretty good generally, but having just got over my summer krenkheit* I dreaded going anywhere in case it came back as it can do at random, even now. People who already know me are probably used to it by now and make allowances, but expecting a potential new girlfriend to krich' around with me like I'm a geriatric is probably a bit more than most would be prepared to allow for.
I've had these sort of times before a couple of times, this may be worse but at least I now know more or less what it is, and have the experience to work around it rather than be stopped completely in my tracks or try and ignore it and make it even worse. In fact this time I can't do that as the levels of tiredness have been close to descriptions from ME, though I can walk and it doesn't usually last more than a few hours. But I feel I have to mention it here as my variable health is as much part of my life as what I do, and I've even had to miss a couple of football matches (including last Saturday) as I'm not sure I could hang about that long yet. Also I want people (through my article and here) to know how people can seem fine on the surface when you meet them (though sensitives will notice a problem) but be struggling to carry out tasks that used to be automatic. And though I suspect it's the rare few who get these problems (tell me I'm wrong?) that makes no difference when you're the one going through it, so it's just about being understood, and people not thinking I'm being difficult if I turn down arrangements and the like. I just can't manage a lot at the moment, full stop.
OK, I had my lecture, in fact I was only going to summarise my projects today, but as 1) they were reduced by tiredness and 2) I'd just written my article, it ended up as a full one-way therapy session. Culturally, I take after Freud, Einstein, Woody Allen, The Marx Brothers and many more weird but wonderful Jews. We make a career about sharing our feelings, partly maybe to balance the goyim who as a whole pretend they don't have any, and I have met some that actually think they don't as they were trained for so long to repress them. Neither extreme is ideal, but I just exploit the tendency as what's the point of trying to cover it up? I'm sure in my case it would leak out one way or another. I'm not Prince Charles and never will be, and I'd like to see the sort of guff he'd write if he was allowed to have a blog.
Mind you, my grandma is definitely the lost Jewish member of the royal family, and my mum always looked like the queen, but a lot younger. Maybe we've missed something...?
* illness 'crawl Visit here for more Yiddish translations.
Hallelujah!
Blimey! Two days after installing the counter and I've had 54 hits!
My MSN site's been up almost 5 years and in the few years that had one got just over 7000. Of course the blog system links us automatically so it's not so hard to be found, but I am impressed! That should easily generate 10,000 in a year if it continues, and shows like calling phone ins, many read but few comment. Melanie Phillips may quote me yet (instead of vice versa).
Nothing achieved or memorable since Saturday otherwise, though there's no room for boredom ahead as I have a few photo runs planned, and need to do the detail on the painting and a fairly heavy postal course which should be done by May at the latest. Any visitors will be nice as well, with a couple more or less set up already.
Otherwise the same rule applies (which I've just written an article about as it happens), don't look ahead as you don't know what's there however long you try.
But I will imagine a few nice ones as dreaming can be good for the mind.
One of my Funtrivia friends comes to London
I sell two paintings (if you dream, dream big!)
One of the women I tried this year calls me again
A single woman is the person moving next door (I still don't know who it will be)
Someone offers to fix my garage roof for a sensible price, and take the rubbish away from inside it
I hear my friends from America are moving back here
These are technically possible but all less than one per cent. But why pretend you wouldn't like more?
My MSN site's been up almost 5 years and in the few years that had one got just over 7000. Of course the blog system links us automatically so it's not so hard to be found, but I am impressed! That should easily generate 10,000 in a year if it continues, and shows like calling phone ins, many read but few comment. Melanie Phillips may quote me yet (instead of vice versa).
Nothing achieved or memorable since Saturday otherwise, though there's no room for boredom ahead as I have a few photo runs planned, and need to do the detail on the painting and a fairly heavy postal course which should be done by May at the latest. Any visitors will be nice as well, with a couple more or less set up already.
Otherwise the same rule applies (which I've just written an article about as it happens), don't look ahead as you don't know what's there however long you try.
But I will imagine a few nice ones as dreaming can be good for the mind.
One of my Funtrivia friends comes to London
I sell two paintings (if you dream, dream big!)
One of the women I tried this year calls me again
A single woman is the person moving next door (I still don't know who it will be)
Someone offers to fix my garage roof for a sensible price, and take the rubbish away from inside it
I hear my friends from America are moving back here
These are technically possible but all less than one per cent. But why pretend you wouldn't like more?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
