Looking back on what I've written recently I can see the reasons I'm trying to point certain things out. When I think of what matters to me it's simply my health and happiness. Nearly all the 'news' out there doesn't actually affect me. If it wasn't for the media no one would know about it or care either as it wasn't actually real as far as they knew.
But since I do know about it, regardless of whether it affects me or not, firstly if someone elsewhere knew I was in trouble I'd like them to help, and secondly what's there now could spread here as well so we basically don't need it anywhere full stop if possible.
My issues are with anything that gets in the way of our health or happiness, and trying to smoothe the routes that improve it. As a parent, we'd all prefer our children to learn the easiest possible ways and suffer as little as possible. Anyone who believes suffering is a route to growth is promoting cruelty. Whatever gain anyone would make from suffering would be lost by the effects, and having a great wisdom and post traumatic stress rendering them useless to anybody.
Same if you believe in God. As our parent, any God who sets us up to learn more through suffering (remember, God can choose our circumstances, parents can't) is evil. Whatever evidence I saw for a higher power, it's not the God we would create if we designed our own. Any headmaster or seargeant major who treated his men the way such a God does would be removed very quickly and probably put in prison. They know their student's limits and never push them too hard, but try and get the best out of them, and fix them up if they get into trouble. Not God's way for certain.
I've also set myself up for the complete intelligence test. I need issues thrown at me from outside to see if I can really deliver what I imagine. As there's a single principle I've now identified, basically making life easier/removing blockages that make it harder, I hope I can apply that to any controversial situation however complex. And hopefully back it up with facts.
Saturday, February 04, 2006
Friday, February 03, 2006
Dried up
It's bound to happen, I've got nothing to write about! Duty, time and habit made me come in and write anyway, if I don't maybe the huge numbers of visitors will get bored and go and read blogs with pictures of tramps, detailed analysis of the Iraq war or similar attractions. Last time I did this I wrote (in my opinion) one of my best pieces, so if I've got the chance I'll come along and see what happens.
A blank canvas is in front of me now. The last couple of days have gone in a blur, yesterday I spent basically researching for the TV programme, both checking foreign dates and sorting out a bit of publicity, and also looking up more details about the actual alien abductions. I'm still fiddling around on my painting, it's getting there, but I have to wait for it to dry each time I add new details or they may run into each other. The housework is becoming less pressing as having spent so long here recently it's allowed me to attack the worst of it. Filing has now built up as it does every few months, and I started by chucking out two bags of old papers which had been hanging around for ages. Not as simple as it sounds, as I have to read every item before I decide what to do with it, and what remains then has to be filed.
The people building next door have been there a week longer than intended (if I haven't lost track) and seem nowhere closer to finishing. Three anonymous Europeans who don't speak a word of English have been banging and drilling from 7am 6 days a week, and if I notice a thing different besides the removed fireplace on day one I'll be amazed. Unless you rearrange the walls (no need, but people still do) there's not a lot you can do with these houses besides extending. They've added a new front door, painted everything white from what I can see through the window, and the rest is a mystery. There was nothing wrong with the place before though it could do with a new kitchen. This, apparently, is what passes for excitement round here nowadays.
The one interesting element is the coincidences. After posting the 60s pictures I used the first as my funtrivia avatar, and then found there was a new hippy group there after only seeing one or two in 6 years. Weird. The picture of feltpen with the date on it turned out to be someone's birthday, and though all these are neither positive or negative, they are real. Something is going on behind the scenes, and it's pretty interesting as it gives a possible meaning to life that would otherwise be absent. Richard Dawkins' diatribe against religion, shown over two TV programmes, is pretty much how I see religion, an outmoded and backward extension of primitive witchcraft and superstitions that extends as an anachronistic relic of the distant past that has continued due to fear, comfort and cultural pressures while other parts of society have moved way beyond it. If we lost religion now, we would lose nothing in my view. And we'd gain a lot. People would have to look at their own logic to separate right from wrong, make decisions based on commonsense rather than diktat, and choose partners as they presented themselves, not on restricted grounds.
Besides the fact that unless I am dead and in hell already (not much use as I can't remember how or why), any benevolence implied by a God and religion as God's rules and regulations just does not exist. Life is neutral and can go either way at any time off neutral. There is no balance, if you've been in positive or negative for some time (often through no plan of your own) you tend to stay there rather than experience a balance of both. Unlike films, stories have no morals, no meaning and no happy ending. Life just goes on regardless with no respect for any individual in it.
Mysteries are included. What creates awareness? How did our organs become designed so perfectly? Why do we feel happy? It's not worth looking for answers, we don't need them and would be unlikely to find them in the physical universe. But as well as coincidences there are plenty of areas that tempt the weak into giving a religious explanation, where I would say we don't know, can't know and probably aren't supposed to know. If we appreciate beauty, trying to analyse why is both meaningless, impossible and ruins the experience. We should just accept we do, we don't know why, and enjoy it. But don't invent a creator, worship him, and then let evil human bastards make up ridiculous rules and say they came from him (which many of the rulers don't follow). It's a crock, one people tend to either see or not, and both camps find it impossible to perceive the side of the others. Religion doesn't affect me, except the odd times I meet someone who tries to convert me or insists they have to follow their set of rules as that's their contract with God. But my life is not as it is as I rejected it. Almost my whole family did and each has a perfectly normal life, some up, some down, but not condemned for it. And wait till we die? Bollocks! I use what I have, not what I don't, and all I have is life. My rewards and punishments never take that long to come, and there's no need for yet another chapter to get even more.
My current conclusion is that I would very much like God or a form of higher intelligence to exist. There are clues in coincidences that there is, and the intuition and inspiration many of us get where we know things far beyond our experience points to other creative minds working alongside our own. But if you look at the quality of life, where I'm in one of the best countries and that has elements of Sudan and Rwanda in it despite being one of the most highly developed in the world means any inspiration has to be pretty low level. And even when the few are given revolutionary information that can correct a wrong most people reject it. Most people are damn primitive, and as a result despite being powerful and running the world, huge companies are run by the very people who can destroy it by holding back cheap and effective alternatives in the fields of energy, medicine and technology to keep their profits. Some get through eventually, most are lost for ever. I know people with little scientific training who can visualise 3D vehicles in their head and see exactly how they will perform (proved by making them), explain quantum energy fields, and see solutions to scientific problems. None have any money to follow them up, one had death threats and one was actually attacked to try and get rid of him. The inspired few are repressed by the primitive many. Where God comes into this equation is a guess few would bother to try and make. I know there is higher energy, as it's just what makes us feel good but at a higher degree, as I've been there. That isn't intelligent though, that comes in coincidence and inspiration, and as a final Kingsbury moment, will remind myself that being stuck indoors has allowed my creative forces free rein and if I'd pissed around window shopping and going to coffee shops every day as I did before I may have appeared 'normal' but would have hardly created a thing compared to the pile I have built in reality. If I was forced by the only means known to do my thing, maybe a higher intelligence had a part in it. But not a benevolent one, as there must be many ways of getting me to stay in the house besides the suffering I had that did it. That's my guarantee God is not good, if present at all. Only God and his forces could direct our lives if they are so directed, and would have an infinite choice in methods, and not pick ones that put people through hell, especially as that's meant to be reserved for later (like I believe it anyway!).
Well, I started with nothing to write, how about that?
A blank canvas is in front of me now. The last couple of days have gone in a blur, yesterday I spent basically researching for the TV programme, both checking foreign dates and sorting out a bit of publicity, and also looking up more details about the actual alien abductions. I'm still fiddling around on my painting, it's getting there, but I have to wait for it to dry each time I add new details or they may run into each other. The housework is becoming less pressing as having spent so long here recently it's allowed me to attack the worst of it. Filing has now built up as it does every few months, and I started by chucking out two bags of old papers which had been hanging around for ages. Not as simple as it sounds, as I have to read every item before I decide what to do with it, and what remains then has to be filed.
The people building next door have been there a week longer than intended (if I haven't lost track) and seem nowhere closer to finishing. Three anonymous Europeans who don't speak a word of English have been banging and drilling from 7am 6 days a week, and if I notice a thing different besides the removed fireplace on day one I'll be amazed. Unless you rearrange the walls (no need, but people still do) there's not a lot you can do with these houses besides extending. They've added a new front door, painted everything white from what I can see through the window, and the rest is a mystery. There was nothing wrong with the place before though it could do with a new kitchen. This, apparently, is what passes for excitement round here nowadays.
The one interesting element is the coincidences. After posting the 60s pictures I used the first as my funtrivia avatar, and then found there was a new hippy group there after only seeing one or two in 6 years. Weird. The picture of feltpen with the date on it turned out to be someone's birthday, and though all these are neither positive or negative, they are real. Something is going on behind the scenes, and it's pretty interesting as it gives a possible meaning to life that would otherwise be absent. Richard Dawkins' diatribe against religion, shown over two TV programmes, is pretty much how I see religion, an outmoded and backward extension of primitive witchcraft and superstitions that extends as an anachronistic relic of the distant past that has continued due to fear, comfort and cultural pressures while other parts of society have moved way beyond it. If we lost religion now, we would lose nothing in my view. And we'd gain a lot. People would have to look at their own logic to separate right from wrong, make decisions based on commonsense rather than diktat, and choose partners as they presented themselves, not on restricted grounds.
Besides the fact that unless I am dead and in hell already (not much use as I can't remember how or why), any benevolence implied by a God and religion as God's rules and regulations just does not exist. Life is neutral and can go either way at any time off neutral. There is no balance, if you've been in positive or negative for some time (often through no plan of your own) you tend to stay there rather than experience a balance of both. Unlike films, stories have no morals, no meaning and no happy ending. Life just goes on regardless with no respect for any individual in it.
Mysteries are included. What creates awareness? How did our organs become designed so perfectly? Why do we feel happy? It's not worth looking for answers, we don't need them and would be unlikely to find them in the physical universe. But as well as coincidences there are plenty of areas that tempt the weak into giving a religious explanation, where I would say we don't know, can't know and probably aren't supposed to know. If we appreciate beauty, trying to analyse why is both meaningless, impossible and ruins the experience. We should just accept we do, we don't know why, and enjoy it. But don't invent a creator, worship him, and then let evil human bastards make up ridiculous rules and say they came from him (which many of the rulers don't follow). It's a crock, one people tend to either see or not, and both camps find it impossible to perceive the side of the others. Religion doesn't affect me, except the odd times I meet someone who tries to convert me or insists they have to follow their set of rules as that's their contract with God. But my life is not as it is as I rejected it. Almost my whole family did and each has a perfectly normal life, some up, some down, but not condemned for it. And wait till we die? Bollocks! I use what I have, not what I don't, and all I have is life. My rewards and punishments never take that long to come, and there's no need for yet another chapter to get even more.
My current conclusion is that I would very much like God or a form of higher intelligence to exist. There are clues in coincidences that there is, and the intuition and inspiration many of us get where we know things far beyond our experience points to other creative minds working alongside our own. But if you look at the quality of life, where I'm in one of the best countries and that has elements of Sudan and Rwanda in it despite being one of the most highly developed in the world means any inspiration has to be pretty low level. And even when the few are given revolutionary information that can correct a wrong most people reject it. Most people are damn primitive, and as a result despite being powerful and running the world, huge companies are run by the very people who can destroy it by holding back cheap and effective alternatives in the fields of energy, medicine and technology to keep their profits. Some get through eventually, most are lost for ever. I know people with little scientific training who can visualise 3D vehicles in their head and see exactly how they will perform (proved by making them), explain quantum energy fields, and see solutions to scientific problems. None have any money to follow them up, one had death threats and one was actually attacked to try and get rid of him. The inspired few are repressed by the primitive many. Where God comes into this equation is a guess few would bother to try and make. I know there is higher energy, as it's just what makes us feel good but at a higher degree, as I've been there. That isn't intelligent though, that comes in coincidence and inspiration, and as a final Kingsbury moment, will remind myself that being stuck indoors has allowed my creative forces free rein and if I'd pissed around window shopping and going to coffee shops every day as I did before I may have appeared 'normal' but would have hardly created a thing compared to the pile I have built in reality. If I was forced by the only means known to do my thing, maybe a higher intelligence had a part in it. But not a benevolent one, as there must be many ways of getting me to stay in the house besides the suffering I had that did it. That's my guarantee God is not good, if present at all. Only God and his forces could direct our lives if they are so directed, and would have an infinite choice in methods, and not pick ones that put people through hell, especially as that's meant to be reserved for later (like I believe it anyway!).
Well, I started with nothing to write, how about that?
Ag Pleez Deddy
After singing this to Sharon yesterday I thought hang on, why not do it on video?
OK, I only had the internal memory to spare so apart from missing the first chord I could only get in a couple of verses, but the upside is it takes a lot less time to load. Enjoy!
My video
OK, I only had the internal memory to spare so apart from missing the first chord I could only get in a couple of verses, but the upside is it takes a lot less time to load. Enjoy!
My video
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
Half a day 2
Again I'm writing early as tonight I'm watching Arsenal on Sky so am getting all my late work done early. The recent routine of free Wednesdays has provided a wonderful oasis in my week, and means pressing housework usually gets done slowly. I put some Tshirts away in my 'summer wardrobe' and the shelves all collapsed. Luckily I found a way of banging nails in the side to hold them in but the price I paid was knocking through the side making large holes in it. But at least I can still use it.
Then I had to cycle to the shops or the cat would have nothing to eat, and finally after about four attempts got through to NTL online to fix my email. It turned out there were antivirus preferences and I just had to turn off scan email. That was a simple solution to a three month long problem, and now if I want to get my email I shouldn't have to turn off the security (not a good idea). My painting of the Via Veneto in Rome is almost finished, I just have to 'focus' it, by clearing the tiny details in the middle of people and cars. If I finish it today it'll be one of the toughest paintings I've ever done. Of course will appear here as always. The kitchen stuff is being worked through, and the next stage after washing it will be sorting out stuff I don't need and then giving it away. There are no urgent things left in the house (hardly surprising with all the spare time I've had) and I'm not even that bothered there's no one here at the moment as I had people here yesterday. I also feel a lot fitter today so that's a plus.
Partly from Sharon's blog questions yesterday I realised something. Many people pose questions, a few try and answer them, and a minority of them know any rather than guessing. Now whatever it is about me I see every question as a challenge, my mind instantly checks if there could be an answer I could find, and then I go into action. If it gets tough I feel more determined to look, even if I don't get any at least I have the urge to keep trying.
If I ask a question myself I can't answer it as the subjectivity principle comes in, but if someone else asks similar ones it seems a lot easier. I still suspect many questions can't be answered, but any which can are a lot easier to answer if someone else asks them. I remember when I was very young thinking of a German psychiatrist who understood everything. Then, 20 years later he was identified as my spirit guide (yes, I have said this before) George Liebmann, and is apparently the reason I became a therapist, to take over his role in this century. I didn't choose it, I am it. I wouldn't want anything else, it's a great honour if I was made to fill this role, and though I only help a few people a week ask them what their lives would be like had they not met me. This is not self praise, I'm repeating what they have told me, and as it's my job it would be pretty awful if it didn't happen. But I prefer to extend this role to every area of life, as why just stick to one to one help when I can use this understanding as widely as possible. Meanwhile the chain continues as I in turn look for anyone who can fulfil this role for me. Clearly no one's knowledge on earth is complete, so we are forced to team up to solve problems (anyone familiar with Star Trek will know how it works). They have a captain, but he needs his crew as much as they need him. No individual knows or is expected to do everything.
In my house I feel like I often have to, except I do employ others to do what I can't as anyone will who can pay for it. Husbands and wives share different abilities, and whether traditional or cooperative, neither is going to be good at the identical things the other is so work will shift to the person who is better at it. So instead of me getting through two admiral's pies a week (£1 each, very good quality despite having no green vegetables) I'd be able not only to eat fresh meat and vegetables but not cook it myself!
Anyway, I won't get in that groove again, but it's true we're all designed to be good at certain things and not others as otherwise we wouldn't need other people, and that's one theing I rarely have, at least not at home. The rest of my family now all live alone, but only my grandma would want me living there and she wants to know where I'm going and what I'm doing 24/7. And can you imagine me bringing a woman 'home'? I personally think the extended family scenario is perfect for widows and singles, and between two or three of us could buy a place big enough to almost divide into separate units but connected. They all had someone with them till later in life, but I never did so my need of course is many times greater than theirs. So unless the balance was equal it would be unlikely for any of them to be bothered as their position is clearly less pressing than mine and mine could last many times longer than any of theirs. So I'm not yet looking for help from equals, and until I do I'm not going to get anywhere on that track. They are in a much stronger position than me so call the shots and basically don't need the help from me I need from them.
Well, now I've done this I'll check my forums, start on the picture, maybe carry on with the kitchen stuff and then watch the football. When it's boring I creep back in here and then miss half the goals, but it's not a major match so probably will. If there's a message or lesson in my life I'd be really interested to know what it is. If it's the pathetic rule I won't get what I want till I can survive without it I reckon a 13 year sentence in solitary is more than long enough and I'm unlikely to adapt to it any better than I have already. And I'd probably have more incentive and time to meditate if someone else did the cooking and tidying as well as me...
Then I had to cycle to the shops or the cat would have nothing to eat, and finally after about four attempts got through to NTL online to fix my email. It turned out there were antivirus preferences and I just had to turn off scan email. That was a simple solution to a three month long problem, and now if I want to get my email I shouldn't have to turn off the security (not a good idea). My painting of the Via Veneto in Rome is almost finished, I just have to 'focus' it, by clearing the tiny details in the middle of people and cars. If I finish it today it'll be one of the toughest paintings I've ever done. Of course will appear here as always. The kitchen stuff is being worked through, and the next stage after washing it will be sorting out stuff I don't need and then giving it away. There are no urgent things left in the house (hardly surprising with all the spare time I've had) and I'm not even that bothered there's no one here at the moment as I had people here yesterday. I also feel a lot fitter today so that's a plus.
Partly from Sharon's blog questions yesterday I realised something. Many people pose questions, a few try and answer them, and a minority of them know any rather than guessing. Now whatever it is about me I see every question as a challenge, my mind instantly checks if there could be an answer I could find, and then I go into action. If it gets tough I feel more determined to look, even if I don't get any at least I have the urge to keep trying.
If I ask a question myself I can't answer it as the subjectivity principle comes in, but if someone else asks similar ones it seems a lot easier. I still suspect many questions can't be answered, but any which can are a lot easier to answer if someone else asks them. I remember when I was very young thinking of a German psychiatrist who understood everything. Then, 20 years later he was identified as my spirit guide (yes, I have said this before) George Liebmann, and is apparently the reason I became a therapist, to take over his role in this century. I didn't choose it, I am it. I wouldn't want anything else, it's a great honour if I was made to fill this role, and though I only help a few people a week ask them what their lives would be like had they not met me. This is not self praise, I'm repeating what they have told me, and as it's my job it would be pretty awful if it didn't happen. But I prefer to extend this role to every area of life, as why just stick to one to one help when I can use this understanding as widely as possible. Meanwhile the chain continues as I in turn look for anyone who can fulfil this role for me. Clearly no one's knowledge on earth is complete, so we are forced to team up to solve problems (anyone familiar with Star Trek will know how it works). They have a captain, but he needs his crew as much as they need him. No individual knows or is expected to do everything.
In my house I feel like I often have to, except I do employ others to do what I can't as anyone will who can pay for it. Husbands and wives share different abilities, and whether traditional or cooperative, neither is going to be good at the identical things the other is so work will shift to the person who is better at it. So instead of me getting through two admiral's pies a week (£1 each, very good quality despite having no green vegetables) I'd be able not only to eat fresh meat and vegetables but not cook it myself!
Anyway, I won't get in that groove again, but it's true we're all designed to be good at certain things and not others as otherwise we wouldn't need other people, and that's one theing I rarely have, at least not at home. The rest of my family now all live alone, but only my grandma would want me living there and she wants to know where I'm going and what I'm doing 24/7. And can you imagine me bringing a woman 'home'? I personally think the extended family scenario is perfect for widows and singles, and between two or three of us could buy a place big enough to almost divide into separate units but connected. They all had someone with them till later in life, but I never did so my need of course is many times greater than theirs. So unless the balance was equal it would be unlikely for any of them to be bothered as their position is clearly less pressing than mine and mine could last many times longer than any of theirs. So I'm not yet looking for help from equals, and until I do I'm not going to get anywhere on that track. They are in a much stronger position than me so call the shots and basically don't need the help from me I need from them.
Well, now I've done this I'll check my forums, start on the picture, maybe carry on with the kitchen stuff and then watch the football. When it's boring I creep back in here and then miss half the goals, but it's not a major match so probably will. If there's a message or lesson in my life I'd be really interested to know what it is. If it's the pathetic rule I won't get what I want till I can survive without it I reckon a 13 year sentence in solitary is more than long enough and I'm unlikely to adapt to it any better than I have already. And I'd probably have more incentive and time to meditate if someone else did the cooking and tidying as well as me...
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
Friends and family
Combining two recent phenomena, I can explain another aspect of blogging that relies on production rather than anything produced. Having seen a non-celebrity win Big Brother on Friday, it highlighted something about seeing anyone often enough. Once, whether directly or via a screen, you have someone in your house often enough you get to know them. That was why a nobody beat ten celebrities in a popularity contest, because after three weeks people knew her as well as all the others and she was chosen on her qualities as a person isolated from her fame or lack of it.
Now on Big Brother you see it all, big and small. Just the everyday goings on in their life. And sometimes you see more of them than anyone else, and they become like family. Of course, what does the word familiar mean? QED. So the second element is my blog. I may sometimes add intricate details of the day, but if you're watching someone's life it includes everything. The minor stuff creates a sharper focus and makes the complete picture, and the more you read about anyone, the more you get to know them as if they were there.
Of course we select whose blogs we read as I always say, you filter(in my case) every techie, teenage clubber, link obsessive, single issue pages (unless one of mine, which I haven't found yet) etc until you find people who are fairly interesting. Some I read a couple of years ago have drifted well away from where they started, and that's part of life. But each day provides a new chapter in that person's life, and you learn so much about someone who, in fact, are pretty rare, they become people you want to follow their lives like friends or family. Why I say rare is because out of even the bloggers, only a small proportion write about themselves. They have taken what was designed as a diary, a way of sharing your life with others, to a customised magazine only for people with shared interests. As my number one interest is people, if I want to read about news, technology or trains I'll use the many dedicated sites for them, and chat with other forum members as well sometimes, but wouldn't want to read one person's experiences with fucking Ipod nanos every day (if they even exist outside my impression of what is on the current market). I prefer to follow others ups and downs, like a good soap opera but real and without a script, just like big brother. But here we can join in, which instantly makes us part of the house, even as a writer rather than actual visitor. We can already post static images here, and sooner or later if bandwidth and cheap equipment increases in availability, we'll be able to have video and sound clips on our blogs so people can see us actually doing exactly what we talk about, like big brother.
So videoblogs (you heard it first here I bet) should be the next development eventually, and each one of us will be capable of being not just journalists but have our own individual mini TV series. You'll see my cat rolling over, my cleaner scrubbing the kitchen, hear my impressions of just about anyone I can think of, see all my car collections, my garden, road and local park. I was there with my Dad this afternoon and still after 46 years (I lived opposite there till I was 5) think it's one of the most magical places I know, and only across the road to me. And maybe like Chantelle who won celebrity BB as a non-celebrity, sooner or later a few people will become starts and have their videoblogs taken up by TV companies just like newspapers use clips from them now. I'm no techie, but would imagine we'd all need at least 1 meg broadband and 160gb hard drives, as well as doubling the server capacities before more than 30 second clips would be viable. I've already got one fixed 30 second job up and running, and it won't even run on dialup. Plain text (like this) goes a long way server-wise, but video/audio mops up more bandwidth than anything, and servers simply couldn't handle this sort of data yet. But watch the web, if I had the resources I'd start my own but the costs would be phenomenal, but someone will get it together sooner or later.
Now on Big Brother you see it all, big and small. Just the everyday goings on in their life. And sometimes you see more of them than anyone else, and they become like family. Of course, what does the word familiar mean? QED. So the second element is my blog. I may sometimes add intricate details of the day, but if you're watching someone's life it includes everything. The minor stuff creates a sharper focus and makes the complete picture, and the more you read about anyone, the more you get to know them as if they were there.
Of course we select whose blogs we read as I always say, you filter(in my case) every techie, teenage clubber, link obsessive, single issue pages (unless one of mine, which I haven't found yet) etc until you find people who are fairly interesting. Some I read a couple of years ago have drifted well away from where they started, and that's part of life. But each day provides a new chapter in that person's life, and you learn so much about someone who, in fact, are pretty rare, they become people you want to follow their lives like friends or family. Why I say rare is because out of even the bloggers, only a small proportion write about themselves. They have taken what was designed as a diary, a way of sharing your life with others, to a customised magazine only for people with shared interests. As my number one interest is people, if I want to read about news, technology or trains I'll use the many dedicated sites for them, and chat with other forum members as well sometimes, but wouldn't want to read one person's experiences with fucking Ipod nanos every day (if they even exist outside my impression of what is on the current market). I prefer to follow others ups and downs, like a good soap opera but real and without a script, just like big brother. But here we can join in, which instantly makes us part of the house, even as a writer rather than actual visitor. We can already post static images here, and sooner or later if bandwidth and cheap equipment increases in availability, we'll be able to have video and sound clips on our blogs so people can see us actually doing exactly what we talk about, like big brother.
So videoblogs (you heard it first here I bet) should be the next development eventually, and each one of us will be capable of being not just journalists but have our own individual mini TV series. You'll see my cat rolling over, my cleaner scrubbing the kitchen, hear my impressions of just about anyone I can think of, see all my car collections, my garden, road and local park. I was there with my Dad this afternoon and still after 46 years (I lived opposite there till I was 5) think it's one of the most magical places I know, and only across the road to me. And maybe like Chantelle who won celebrity BB as a non-celebrity, sooner or later a few people will become starts and have their videoblogs taken up by TV companies just like newspapers use clips from them now. I'm no techie, but would imagine we'd all need at least 1 meg broadband and 160gb hard drives, as well as doubling the server capacities before more than 30 second clips would be viable. I've already got one fixed 30 second job up and running, and it won't even run on dialup. Plain text (like this) goes a long way server-wise, but video/audio mops up more bandwidth than anything, and servers simply couldn't handle this sort of data yet. But watch the web, if I had the resources I'd start my own but the costs would be phenomenal, but someone will get it together sooner or later.
Monday, January 30, 2006
Post birthday post
Well, the day’s over for another year, and didn’t go too badly, considering it was totally unplanned. As expected (almost) I listened to Tommy Boyd, but delayed by well over an hour due to coverage of Dennis bloody Rodman’s local basketball game in Brighton. Never heard basketball on the radio before, and hope never to again. ‘He’s bouncing the ball and running at the same time, someone’s jumped in front of him, this is so exciting- look, he’s thrown a ball through the hoop!’. Anyway, the bonus was the new chatroom was up and running, and I got to know all the forum members who chatted during the show. As I wasn’t at home I couldn’t call in as well (not that I had anything to call about), and it was also pretty hard to concentrate on a chatroom with about 30 people in it as well as follow the anarchic calls on the radio. A very nice bunch of people though. So as the birthday proper began at midnight, that was what I was doing at the time. For some strange reason Howard Hughes unexplained programme wasn’t on the radio (FA cup coverage??) but he always starts late for that so I hope it’s not been axed after just over a year, especially with Ed Dames’ ‘revelation’ due next month. Watch this space on that.
The next day I got a card from my Dad’s neighbours and went over to thank them, and spent a very nice afternoon there and also watched Manchester Utd on Sky which was a bonus, and going there made up for missing out the night before. There wasn’t anyone in the gym I knew, and missed going the previous night for obvious reasons. Then there was some decent TV for the rest of the evening, Psychic challenge, which has brought evidence of powers to the mass viewers, but only covers the same basic clairvoyance over and over again in different forms, which people can learn to do in about ten minutes. They really need to go a little further as so far clairvoyance is notoriously unreliable, coming and going in bursts as it pleases, which is demonstrated clearly on the programme. But a bit of compass moving or spoon bending could really impress if it worked, though they probably didn’t want to set themselves up for a fall if it didn’t work. Then the spin off from Inspector Morse, Lewis (his sidekick), which was well worth watching. There’s still some traditional British decent programming around, but very thin on the ground. So that was from start to finish my birthday, and I was told I don’t look 46, when you consider George Galloway who looks about 30 years older than me is actually 5 that’s probably right.
I’ve also started making a list of the things I ‘just know’, as since I claimed it I’ll need to demonstrate it, and hopefully have a chance for people to pick up on what I write. On that theme, there’s both good and bad news on at the moment. The good is Tony Blair (well, he took the credit for it) wants to extend medical treatments to outside hospitals and office hours. If you leave them in for long enough they can’t help mixing the odd good policy with all the nonsense, especially as they’d just cut down on home visits recently as well. On the minus side I just read the UK has the highest energy prices in the world. How the country who used to lead the world (sorry America, it’s true!) is now having the world get it’s own back by treating us like poor relations is tragic. We already have near the highest house prices, and probably CDs and sports equipment (where we also get a minimal selection of the whole range as we’re ‘not a major market’). That was Nike who told me that when I spent my last job working in a sports shop, and dared to ask for something from the ‘world’ section of the catalogue. How it worked was they often had one world catalogue, and we then had to call them and cross out nearly every item as it ‘wasn’t for the UK’. So whatever we did wrong regarding the empire, the empire and colonies have now provided revenge in every possible economic way they can. Half of course is home-grown robbery, where the lack of land and impossibility to shop elsewhere (without a boat trip or £100 return on Eurostar) means we are almost put in the same position as St Helena or Bermuda where all our supplies are flown or shipped in (did I say we don’t exactly make a lot of our own goods any more?) and we’re forced to take what we’re given and pay a premium for everything as it’s in such short supply.
I also read an article which echoed my own view, that in 50 years we’ll all have to work and travel locally as personal motorised transport will almost become a thing of the past. Back to bikes and horses as I said, and unless the hidden fuels that have been reported to exist for decades are released to the public, everyone will be sitting at home on their computers, walking in the park and shopping locally. Sound like anyone else you know? I must be 50 years ahead of everyone already!
The next day I got a card from my Dad’s neighbours and went over to thank them, and spent a very nice afternoon there and also watched Manchester Utd on Sky which was a bonus, and going there made up for missing out the night before. There wasn’t anyone in the gym I knew, and missed going the previous night for obvious reasons. Then there was some decent TV for the rest of the evening, Psychic challenge, which has brought evidence of powers to the mass viewers, but only covers the same basic clairvoyance over and over again in different forms, which people can learn to do in about ten minutes. They really need to go a little further as so far clairvoyance is notoriously unreliable, coming and going in bursts as it pleases, which is demonstrated clearly on the programme. But a bit of compass moving or spoon bending could really impress if it worked, though they probably didn’t want to set themselves up for a fall if it didn’t work. Then the spin off from Inspector Morse, Lewis (his sidekick), which was well worth watching. There’s still some traditional British decent programming around, but very thin on the ground. So that was from start to finish my birthday, and I was told I don’t look 46, when you consider George Galloway who looks about 30 years older than me is actually 5 that’s probably right.
I’ve also started making a list of the things I ‘just know’, as since I claimed it I’ll need to demonstrate it, and hopefully have a chance for people to pick up on what I write. On that theme, there’s both good and bad news on at the moment. The good is Tony Blair (well, he took the credit for it) wants to extend medical treatments to outside hospitals and office hours. If you leave them in for long enough they can’t help mixing the odd good policy with all the nonsense, especially as they’d just cut down on home visits recently as well. On the minus side I just read the UK has the highest energy prices in the world. How the country who used to lead the world (sorry America, it’s true!) is now having the world get it’s own back by treating us like poor relations is tragic. We already have near the highest house prices, and probably CDs and sports equipment (where we also get a minimal selection of the whole range as we’re ‘not a major market’). That was Nike who told me that when I spent my last job working in a sports shop, and dared to ask for something from the ‘world’ section of the catalogue. How it worked was they often had one world catalogue, and we then had to call them and cross out nearly every item as it ‘wasn’t for the UK’. So whatever we did wrong regarding the empire, the empire and colonies have now provided revenge in every possible economic way they can. Half of course is home-grown robbery, where the lack of land and impossibility to shop elsewhere (without a boat trip or £100 return on Eurostar) means we are almost put in the same position as St Helena or Bermuda where all our supplies are flown or shipped in (did I say we don’t exactly make a lot of our own goods any more?) and we’re forced to take what we’re given and pay a premium for everything as it’s in such short supply.
I also read an article which echoed my own view, that in 50 years we’ll all have to work and travel locally as personal motorised transport will almost become a thing of the past. Back to bikes and horses as I said, and unless the hidden fuels that have been reported to exist for decades are released to the public, everyone will be sitting at home on their computers, walking in the park and shopping locally. Sound like anyone else you know? I must be 50 years ahead of everyone already!
Saturday, January 28, 2006
Unexpected
Well, I wasn't planning this entry or evening, and have now been fed almost the same as I've been giving recently, with my intended pre-birthday evening being cancelled. I only asked 5 people as I didn't want major work to do, and one couple were busy, the other found another arrangement and the final person just called to say she wasn't well.
I can't do much about it, as I have pulled out of things since my own health problems so fully understand. My mother seems to have the same thing, and if so could well be a virus. It comes and goes with me, but when I do much it makes me so tired I can take a couple of days to recover from it. Everything else in the past went away eventually so this ought to sooner or later. But I realised one thing that makes it worse is still having to do the essentials myself, and were I living in a family if one person's down the others take over (usually). Not here. It's almost unnatural, the way being removed from a family unit means you're working closer to full capacity normally, and above it when not.
It was going to be a triple birthday do as two other people had birthdays within a few days, and I have one present here waiting. Otherwise I've had a bit more energy today, I only went to the shops to get the present and some food, but am still working on ten years' worth of washing up, and though Arsenal is on the TV in the FA cup I'd rather do this as the game's pretty boring. So much for plans.
So my actual birthday is in 5 hours, so I expect I'll be listening to Tommy Boyd as usual and expect a Sunday pretty much as every other. If my secret admirer turns up and strips for me I'll let you all know, or someone offers me a book deal. I may even suddenly become enlightened. But when I wake up on Sunday it would only have been a dream. Good night while I'm still 45.
I can't do much about it, as I have pulled out of things since my own health problems so fully understand. My mother seems to have the same thing, and if so could well be a virus. It comes and goes with me, but when I do much it makes me so tired I can take a couple of days to recover from it. Everything else in the past went away eventually so this ought to sooner or later. But I realised one thing that makes it worse is still having to do the essentials myself, and were I living in a family if one person's down the others take over (usually). Not here. It's almost unnatural, the way being removed from a family unit means you're working closer to full capacity normally, and above it when not.
It was going to be a triple birthday do as two other people had birthdays within a few days, and I have one present here waiting. Otherwise I've had a bit more energy today, I only went to the shops to get the present and some food, but am still working on ten years' worth of washing up, and though Arsenal is on the TV in the FA cup I'd rather do this as the game's pretty boring. So much for plans.
So my actual birthday is in 5 hours, so I expect I'll be listening to Tommy Boyd as usual and expect a Sunday pretty much as every other. If my secret admirer turns up and strips for me I'll let you all know, or someone offers me a book deal. I may even suddenly become enlightened. But when I wake up on Sunday it would only have been a dream. Good night while I'm still 45.
On the radio
I just remembered, you can hear me talking to Tommy Boyd on the radio archive
21st January show posted on 23rd of January. I am on after 1 hour and 18 minutes or so, assuming your version of player supports a digital timescale. If not, it's a four hour show and I'm on at 10.18, and you just pull the little cursor along till you're around that proportion of the whole four hours. I've had to do it that way as well!
The reason I am posting this is the whole call (one of a series of three) is devoted to discussing my blog, and you can hear how to really conduct an interrogation, which few can do as well as Tommy as he sees the point almost every time.
You can currently hear the show online at BBC Southern Counties every Saturday from 9pm-1am UK time. In April he will be given a daily show in the afternoons (as he used to many years ago), and as I don't live in the catchment area either I'll have to find a way of listening as well.
21st January show posted on 23rd of January. I am on after 1 hour and 18 minutes or so, assuming your version of player supports a digital timescale. If not, it's a four hour show and I'm on at 10.18, and you just pull the little cursor along till you're around that proportion of the whole four hours. I've had to do it that way as well!
The reason I am posting this is the whole call (one of a series of three) is devoted to discussing my blog, and you can hear how to really conduct an interrogation, which few can do as well as Tommy as he sees the point almost every time.
You can currently hear the show online at BBC Southern Counties every Saturday from 9pm-1am UK time. In April he will be given a daily show in the afternoons (as he used to many years ago), and as I don't live in the catchment area either I'll have to find a way of listening as well.
Changing the world
Yes, due to a dearth of TV and alternative occupations (plus Funtrivia didn't load first time) I'm back here. I am exploiting the vein while it is still producing a continuous supply of material. No idea what's coming out here, and following professional channelers would very much like to see another being take over and show the world something impressive, as well as show me.
Mind you, besides the ideas I was already saving up for my second book which were covered in Conversations with God, most other channeled material is quite unoriginal and uninspired. Whether the ideas that flash into my head at times are from my subconscious or sent from outside I can't tell until something indicates it directly. But whatever my intuition tells me certainly doesn't come from direct experience, as I know how something is before I check it out, not after, when it does happen.
It would be easier to appeal to other people's intuition, rather than have to use a great deal of mental power to present a logical case to something I both know in my heart, and would like others to receive in their hearts by it just 'feeling correct' without the need for me to spell it out every time. Life would be so much easier if those given the information to share could shift mass attitudes simply like turning on a light in a dark room, where people just realise (as I do in the first place) 'Yes, that's just how it is'. It's not just me, I hear many people talk sense outside conventional wisdom/public opinion, and I reckon the tide of sense has to be growing as the last time I made a public tirade against political correctness (otherwise known as thought control) was only received with agreement (not as expected). There is a lot of painful and unnecessary crap in society masquerading as 'rules' and 'morals' but are designed to control the masses, while the rulemakers tend to do the exact things they ban us from doing (even like the police speeding). I started at primary school, standing on a desk ranting to the whole class in break against some rule or other, and carried on in prep school running petitions against cross country running and one to have co-education. I got lots of signatures and handed both to the headmaster. Nothing was done but it showed I could both get away with trying and get plenty of support. And you know what? No one else did anything similar while I was there.
So, I have a history, and the internet has given me another chance to do the same thing, but with life in general. Why hide your ideas? I do get plenty of opposition, as all whistleblowers and revolutionaries will. Why rock the boat, make a noise, and upset people? Well, look at the things I want to change. If I sit back and watch the world be taken over by shoddy buildings, secrecy, animal cruelty, hiding inventions from the public, etc etc, and just say 'Fine, that's how things are, I'll just accept places I knew lined by houses are now lined with blocks housing ten times as many people but we all have to use the identical roads as before, change all the words I use so I can't use 'foreigner', 'blackboard' or 'spastic', pretend it's OK for Muslims to slaughter animals in public over Eid (with legal protection in some European countries), and roll over and accept all the other crap that shouts at me to look at like seeing a misprint on a page.
People don't like us for it.
Well sorry, but were it not for 'people like me' we'd have no: worker protection, animal cruelty laws, consumers rights, or even a National health service.
If no one complained and campaigned against small and large faults in society they would persist as those in power make them not for the benefit of society, but for themselves. It's pure chance if the public win or lose as a result. Like shares. If the shareholders do well, who else does?
Water companies: Britain's water companies need to make money. How do they save it? They allow half (roughly) the water to leak out and then ration what remains as it's cheaper than fixing the leaks, and then put the prices up.
Oil Companies: Fiddle while Rome/Iraq/Afghanistan burns and they rake it in at the world's expense when the prices go up as a result.
Transport companies: Buses stop at 9pm in many British cities, and bus and train fares are being allowed to rise exponentially to 'improve quality and attract more people on to public transport' (The Times, Jan 21st).
I could go on for pages but I think you see where I'm heading. The same applies to every government that's ever governed. They legislate for themselves, if we win it's a bonus. Example. In Britain both the Conservatives and Labour wanted to ban bankrupt companies from the directors buying them back and reopening. This allowed them to stop paying their bills, and take over the assets the next day with no liabilities and is totally legal. People pay millions in deposits never to get it back while the directors can 'lose' the money and never have a penny traced. Both governments pulled out after it was clear it would affect their own people who liked to use this loophole for themselves.
So if you have been inspired to think of your own idiocy or injustice around you, tell people. Don't just lie back and roll over as you 'can't do anything as an individual'. You can. One person at a time. If you change the mind of one person from a lie to the truth it's a miracle as so few people are willing to change their closely held opinions. If each one changes another one, it'll spread until the lies are kept by the minority and lose their weight altogether. Post your views on the internet. It's easy and free. And secondly (for the 99% of people who need 'proof') prepare all your answers and arguments in advance. Don't let your views free until you know them inside out, or you'll be ripped apart and give up immediately!
Mind you, besides the ideas I was already saving up for my second book which were covered in Conversations with God, most other channeled material is quite unoriginal and uninspired. Whether the ideas that flash into my head at times are from my subconscious or sent from outside I can't tell until something indicates it directly. But whatever my intuition tells me certainly doesn't come from direct experience, as I know how something is before I check it out, not after, when it does happen.
It would be easier to appeal to other people's intuition, rather than have to use a great deal of mental power to present a logical case to something I both know in my heart, and would like others to receive in their hearts by it just 'feeling correct' without the need for me to spell it out every time. Life would be so much easier if those given the information to share could shift mass attitudes simply like turning on a light in a dark room, where people just realise (as I do in the first place) 'Yes, that's just how it is'. It's not just me, I hear many people talk sense outside conventional wisdom/public opinion, and I reckon the tide of sense has to be growing as the last time I made a public tirade against political correctness (otherwise known as thought control) was only received with agreement (not as expected). There is a lot of painful and unnecessary crap in society masquerading as 'rules' and 'morals' but are designed to control the masses, while the rulemakers tend to do the exact things they ban us from doing (even like the police speeding). I started at primary school, standing on a desk ranting to the whole class in break against some rule or other, and carried on in prep school running petitions against cross country running and one to have co-education. I got lots of signatures and handed both to the headmaster. Nothing was done but it showed I could both get away with trying and get plenty of support. And you know what? No one else did anything similar while I was there.
So, I have a history, and the internet has given me another chance to do the same thing, but with life in general. Why hide your ideas? I do get plenty of opposition, as all whistleblowers and revolutionaries will. Why rock the boat, make a noise, and upset people? Well, look at the things I want to change. If I sit back and watch the world be taken over by shoddy buildings, secrecy, animal cruelty, hiding inventions from the public, etc etc, and just say 'Fine, that's how things are, I'll just accept places I knew lined by houses are now lined with blocks housing ten times as many people but we all have to use the identical roads as before, change all the words I use so I can't use 'foreigner', 'blackboard' or 'spastic', pretend it's OK for Muslims to slaughter animals in public over Eid (with legal protection in some European countries), and roll over and accept all the other crap that shouts at me to look at like seeing a misprint on a page.
People don't like us for it.
Well sorry, but were it not for 'people like me' we'd have no: worker protection, animal cruelty laws, consumers rights, or even a National health service.
If no one complained and campaigned against small and large faults in society they would persist as those in power make them not for the benefit of society, but for themselves. It's pure chance if the public win or lose as a result. Like shares. If the shareholders do well, who else does?
Water companies: Britain's water companies need to make money. How do they save it? They allow half (roughly) the water to leak out and then ration what remains as it's cheaper than fixing the leaks, and then put the prices up.
Oil Companies: Fiddle while Rome/Iraq/Afghanistan burns and they rake it in at the world's expense when the prices go up as a result.
Transport companies: Buses stop at 9pm in many British cities, and bus and train fares are being allowed to rise exponentially to 'improve quality and attract more people on to public transport' (The Times, Jan 21st).
I could go on for pages but I think you see where I'm heading. The same applies to every government that's ever governed. They legislate for themselves, if we win it's a bonus. Example. In Britain both the Conservatives and Labour wanted to ban bankrupt companies from the directors buying them back and reopening. This allowed them to stop paying their bills, and take over the assets the next day with no liabilities and is totally legal. People pay millions in deposits never to get it back while the directors can 'lose' the money and never have a penny traced. Both governments pulled out after it was clear it would affect their own people who liked to use this loophole for themselves.
So if you have been inspired to think of your own idiocy or injustice around you, tell people. Don't just lie back and roll over as you 'can't do anything as an individual'. You can. One person at a time. If you change the mind of one person from a lie to the truth it's a miracle as so few people are willing to change their closely held opinions. If each one changes another one, it'll spread until the lies are kept by the minority and lose their weight altogether. Post your views on the internet. It's easy and free. And secondly (for the 99% of people who need 'proof') prepare all your answers and arguments in advance. Don't let your views free until you know them inside out, or you'll be ripped apart and give up immediately!
Friday, January 27, 2006
My answers
If I'm given a question, though I may not know the answer straight away, the seed has been planted. So I spotted a reason I complain here, because (in my subconscious) I somehow believed if I told everyone I was in trouble maybe someone would help. Of course words of support are help, but beyond that nobody can actually come along and do anything, so now I've caught that one I won't be doing it anymore.
The situation must be a familiar one. When everything's going well, you don't think about controlling it, life just goes along on auto pilot. When, for whatever reason, it goes out of control and off the rails you want to put it back. I think I have enough experience to know my own limits, and when there's trouble I have three methods available to me. The areas I can fix directly (eg clearing something off the carpet, don't ask...), indirectly (asking someone to pass a message or drop a hint for me, for instance) and the path of most resistance, where the possible method is more trouble than the trouble itself, (like paying for a private check-up). But to use a Venn diagram, that only covers a portion of most situations. The rest is hurtling down the hill on its own energy, and the horizon is one of time, ie anything beyond the present moment. You can't even see which direction the carriage of chaos is going down the hill, where it leads or whether it slows down and stops soon or way ahead.
Those are the bits I was looking for outside help. I figured if I can't do a thing I'd see if I could ask the universe indirectly, and though I hadn't wasted effort moaning to people face to face for years as I realised it had no use, the tendency was still there and slipped out in here, until I noticed it.
Of course, I still wish I could find any answers to how to affect the bits outside the apparent control zone, but the answers (which I don't believe exist, we are very limited from what I've seen so far) will come the same way as the solutions, when they want to and not when I want them to.
Many people, including me, have tried what could be termed 'white magic' to have a fourth way of controlling the uncontrollable. It has also been distilled into 'attraction magic', where somehow (I can't see the sense in it) you change your vibration and belief so the world reflects that change. People say they've done it, but though I'm open to new science, this has been described (differently most of the time) in so many books and courses that even though no method I've yet found isn't hideously long-winded and complicated, it really leaves me cold. It's a form of prayer, where you believe and feel you already have what you want and then 'it happens'. That's the basics of it, try it, maybe it'll work for you. Anything that isn't a variation on this method I'd dismiss as hocus pocus, and also accept any change of the outside world using supernatural means can't be understood by the mind so I can't use my mind to even check if it makes sense to do so. That was why I tested many of these methods, but unless I gave up too easily I can't endorse even the idea behind them, let alone any one method.
I fear my biggest blockage is one others have mentioned elsewhere, that is avoiding jobs that are more trouble than what they are there to remedy, like the dentist. All animals avoid pain and suffering given a choice, and though humans know the reason they have to do it, we are still animals underneath and may avoid whatever it is indefinitely as the price is too high to pay. If there are any routes out of my situations like that, of course they may exist and I won't take them (I'll see if I can think of any), but the intuition tells me in the past I did every one of these (when I was younger I could) and it didn't make anything happen either. If, for instance, I went to one of those social arrangements for single people after a year or three, I'd instantly realise why I stopped going. So probably many of the routes others suggest I must have tried and failed already.
But the balance is, after hearing something yesterday, I realised that if you look at the celebrities on Big Brother for example, some are famous for doing something, others for being someone. When the latter die they leave nothing behind but a name, as they did nothing to earn their fame (Tara P-T, the Beckwith family etc), but the true celebrities leave a career of entertainment or creations behind them. And whatever my problems have been in the last year or so, possibly as a reaction to it my creations have increased tenfold. The myth of the troubled artist seemed to apply, though I will carry on just as much now if not troubled. Whatever shit is going on I can still look back and see what I've produced, and that can't be taken away. Personally the happiness and contentment I had when I maybe wasn't doing so much would be preferable if forced to choose, but having both isn't really so much to ask, but appears to be so far.
The situation must be a familiar one. When everything's going well, you don't think about controlling it, life just goes along on auto pilot. When, for whatever reason, it goes out of control and off the rails you want to put it back. I think I have enough experience to know my own limits, and when there's trouble I have three methods available to me. The areas I can fix directly (eg clearing something off the carpet, don't ask...), indirectly (asking someone to pass a message or drop a hint for me, for instance) and the path of most resistance, where the possible method is more trouble than the trouble itself, (like paying for a private check-up). But to use a Venn diagram, that only covers a portion of most situations. The rest is hurtling down the hill on its own energy, and the horizon is one of time, ie anything beyond the present moment. You can't even see which direction the carriage of chaos is going down the hill, where it leads or whether it slows down and stops soon or way ahead.
Those are the bits I was looking for outside help. I figured if I can't do a thing I'd see if I could ask the universe indirectly, and though I hadn't wasted effort moaning to people face to face for years as I realised it had no use, the tendency was still there and slipped out in here, until I noticed it.
Of course, I still wish I could find any answers to how to affect the bits outside the apparent control zone, but the answers (which I don't believe exist, we are very limited from what I've seen so far) will come the same way as the solutions, when they want to and not when I want them to.
Many people, including me, have tried what could be termed 'white magic' to have a fourth way of controlling the uncontrollable. It has also been distilled into 'attraction magic', where somehow (I can't see the sense in it) you change your vibration and belief so the world reflects that change. People say they've done it, but though I'm open to new science, this has been described (differently most of the time) in so many books and courses that even though no method I've yet found isn't hideously long-winded and complicated, it really leaves me cold. It's a form of prayer, where you believe and feel you already have what you want and then 'it happens'. That's the basics of it, try it, maybe it'll work for you. Anything that isn't a variation on this method I'd dismiss as hocus pocus, and also accept any change of the outside world using supernatural means can't be understood by the mind so I can't use my mind to even check if it makes sense to do so. That was why I tested many of these methods, but unless I gave up too easily I can't endorse even the idea behind them, let alone any one method.
I fear my biggest blockage is one others have mentioned elsewhere, that is avoiding jobs that are more trouble than what they are there to remedy, like the dentist. All animals avoid pain and suffering given a choice, and though humans know the reason they have to do it, we are still animals underneath and may avoid whatever it is indefinitely as the price is too high to pay. If there are any routes out of my situations like that, of course they may exist and I won't take them (I'll see if I can think of any), but the intuition tells me in the past I did every one of these (when I was younger I could) and it didn't make anything happen either. If, for instance, I went to one of those social arrangements for single people after a year or three, I'd instantly realise why I stopped going. So probably many of the routes others suggest I must have tried and failed already.
But the balance is, after hearing something yesterday, I realised that if you look at the celebrities on Big Brother for example, some are famous for doing something, others for being someone. When the latter die they leave nothing behind but a name, as they did nothing to earn their fame (Tara P-T, the Beckwith family etc), but the true celebrities leave a career of entertainment or creations behind them. And whatever my problems have been in the last year or so, possibly as a reaction to it my creations have increased tenfold. The myth of the troubled artist seemed to apply, though I will carry on just as much now if not troubled. Whatever shit is going on I can still look back and see what I've produced, and that can't be taken away. Personally the happiness and contentment I had when I maybe wasn't doing so much would be preferable if forced to choose, but having both isn't really so much to ask, but appears to be so far.
Thursday, January 26, 2006
Bodger and Badger
Everybody knows Badger loves mashed potatoes!
He makes them into shapes and eats them every day.
Bodger and Badger, Bodger and Badger
lalalalala lalalalala
Bodger and Badger are never far away!
Yes, he's finally lost it. Actually, when I was just mixing my instant mash, whenever the series is on I remember the song when I make my own, and of course most of the world isn't lucky enough to know of the amazing pair, so I am able to rememdy it here. It was never as good as in the school though, in my opinion. But Simon has to be the most patient guy I've ever come across.
Suburbia
Park Avenue, Golders Green. A perfect example of quasi-rural architecture, built around 1910 as the private Park estate, North End. These now cost at least a million and as I went to school over the road knew many people who lived there. Another possible destination should my media success earn me a million plus (my backside I will...).
David's coming home! When I turn off the North Circular, this is the relatively recent (c1990?) landmark I see, the Holiday Inn Brent Cross, actually located in Cricklewood which is south of the River Brent in question. I drove past the flyover yesterday and in the space between the bridges carrying the road was the river, and two men were fishing in it! The last time I looked the river was almost dry, and certainly doesn't seem to move even when full. Goodness knows what they expected to catch there. The building itself was destined for an early demolition to make way for Ken Livingstone's proposed Cricklewood Towers, which look like something from Dan Dare but have apparently been given a reprieve, especially as the earliest date for the towers will be around the 2020s. I used to go there occasionally, but however nice the bar is, the fact when I asked for biscuits with my tea they had to raid someone's left over breakfast from a bedroom as they technically didn't serve tea to visitors. Bad move, and I don't think they had a fruit machine either which would have got me in as well.
Update
Ever looked at life through a magnifying glass? It makes a change to now and then if you haven't, and is like stretching life out into its tiniest details and reporting it, something my grandma does quite naturally.
Today gave me the idea, as on the surface I got up, watched TV, got dressed, watched a video and then got on the computer. But there's more than that if you look in the gaps. I looked through all three LP boxes as it was time I listened to some of them, and played a Boris Gardener (reggae) and have The Seekers on now. I am brewing my second lot of coffee from the free packet which should be ready in a few minutes. I had a number of phone calls to me which overlapped with some of the activities and stopped others in their tracks.
I then intend to carry on washing up with the records playing in the background and then have a piece of cold chicken my grandma gave me, probably with instant mash (as cooking isn't my thing). The coffee is now here, and I'm using a special coffee cup I may not have used since 1993.
It's just interesting to see what someone/anyone can do given just a house, appliances and nothing else in one day, and though some elements repeat (such as the computer and TV) I hadn't got my LPs out for ages or made real coffee. The little things mean as much as the big ones, and when sharing them with others life is as it should be.
Today gave me the idea, as on the surface I got up, watched TV, got dressed, watched a video and then got on the computer. But there's more than that if you look in the gaps. I looked through all three LP boxes as it was time I listened to some of them, and played a Boris Gardener (reggae) and have The Seekers on now. I am brewing my second lot of coffee from the free packet which should be ready in a few minutes. I had a number of phone calls to me which overlapped with some of the activities and stopped others in their tracks.
I then intend to carry on washing up with the records playing in the background and then have a piece of cold chicken my grandma gave me, probably with instant mash (as cooking isn't my thing). The coffee is now here, and I'm using a special coffee cup I may not have used since 1993.
It's just interesting to see what someone/anyone can do given just a house, appliances and nothing else in one day, and though some elements repeat (such as the computer and TV) I hadn't got my LPs out for ages or made real coffee. The little things mean as much as the big ones, and when sharing them with others life is as it should be.
While I'm here
As I'm busy later in the day I used the time I do have to write my piece, and see what happens. I was woken up in a most inhumane way today when a neighbour (who has my key) barged in around 10am and woke me up to ask for my email address. It would have been hard enough to get back to sleep anyway but after he went the builders next door started drilling and only just stopped (6 hours later). I've reached a stage where whatever I do it can take me a couple of days to get over it, a symptom of the exhaustion I've had on and off for some months and wasn't helped by nights awake either from my own builders and then the ones next door. So sitting at a screen is almost all I can do at the moment.
I have now entered the world of Flickr.com fully since getting the digital camera and used all the features including joining pools, and discovered my main interests to take are buildings, roads and public transport. I take lots of people I know on the proper camera (when I'm with any...) as well but for 'artistic' reasons local scenes including the road signs, buses and trains have always made interesting and historical views, as each time you take a picture of a view a few years later something major or minor will be different, and without photos you'd never see London with a Routemaster bus any more (let alone a tram or trolleybus, which I remember despite going before I was 2). My Flickr site is linked from here, but I haven't seen any links from Flickr so I doubt it will bring any traffic in here.
But no way have I given up on today. Luckily I did most of my required going out already this week so am not feeling guilty on missing any jobs out. I have more work in the kitchen as the boxes seem endless, and there's other tidying to do as well if I get round to it. Not a thing on TV so no distractions there, and having this bloody tiredness for months have learnt how to do whatever it allows me to do at the time and has barely stopped me doing anything eventually even if it meant putting some things off till I could do them. The trouble is when I do something it wears me out again and it all goes back to square one. This is the third time in my life I've had this, once from overwork (not exactly the reason I don't much now, but made me cut down 'or else' at the time) and once from clearing our family house single handed after 28 years of stuff. There are plenty of reasons for this episode (as described already). Most if not all gone now, but without a few weeks with staff doing the lot for me you can't charge batteries while you're using them.
Miracles exist if you're in any situation you can't fix yourself and something does it for you. But never when you wish for it. No way. That would put us in heaven and I'm in Kingsbury where miracles are rationed and then usually very small effects. But I've learnt there are many things we can't solve ourselves. If there's a mess on the carpet I clear it up. But if there's a mess in my life there aren't the tools available. That's when and why people want miracles, and my open mindedness in the area of the supernatural is gradually closing up as I see little evidence there's any more than the given.
I'll qualify that. Within the natural includes what is called the Akashic records. I can only tell you this as I use it so have no way I can not say it's real. But unless you either see me using it or have experienced it for yourself no one can prove it to others. Secondly Skylord http://www.expage.com/skygong has shown me not only does kundalini/universal energy exist (as I've raised it using yoga) it can be sent anywhere. But I will qualify that in my case, besides feeling bloody good, it had no known healing or psychic effects.
And thirdly eveything has an aura as I've seen them. Whatever power my teacher had appeared to transfer to her students as it was effortless to see them with her but almost impossible away from her. As she's now in the US desert I think I'll have to find another source of my aura power nowadays.
And the coincidences and synchronicities now spreading to people I know is the largest mystery, and clue maybe my next theory (I hope) has a major hole in it.
So my current view of the universe is God- feh! Angels- bollocks, Miracles- where? Planning? -no, chaos. Everything is exactly how it seems except information can also be gained without looking for it if you are tuned in. This only happens rarely with most people but proves it exists but we just aren't very good at using it.
Higher energies and frequencies aren't even supernatural, bees can see auras so it's nothing very surprising if you're a bee, so really not unscientific if we can as well.
But the one potential escape route is coincidences. They are miracles, but neutral ones. They don't help, they just amaze. I don't even know if making a profit is essential for a miracle, it really needs two types, useful and useless. So what I'm discovering is useless miracles in the form of coincidences is a definite (implying a controller as things can't fall into place without conscious direction) but helpful miracles like angelic interventions haven't found their way (knowingly) into my life. The only time I remember an overlap is when I really feel worn out and something that was booked up is cancelled at the last minute. That happens a lot when I need it to, but admittedly probably does when I don't, so possibly not a certainty.
Anyway, when I wrote this I was just describing the day, and allowed me to arrange a whole theory of the universe. And people call bloggers geeks...
I have now entered the world of Flickr.com fully since getting the digital camera and used all the features including joining pools, and discovered my main interests to take are buildings, roads and public transport. I take lots of people I know on the proper camera (when I'm with any...) as well but for 'artistic' reasons local scenes including the road signs, buses and trains have always made interesting and historical views, as each time you take a picture of a view a few years later something major or minor will be different, and without photos you'd never see London with a Routemaster bus any more (let alone a tram or trolleybus, which I remember despite going before I was 2). My Flickr site is linked from here, but I haven't seen any links from Flickr so I doubt it will bring any traffic in here.
But no way have I given up on today. Luckily I did most of my required going out already this week so am not feeling guilty on missing any jobs out. I have more work in the kitchen as the boxes seem endless, and there's other tidying to do as well if I get round to it. Not a thing on TV so no distractions there, and having this bloody tiredness for months have learnt how to do whatever it allows me to do at the time and has barely stopped me doing anything eventually even if it meant putting some things off till I could do them. The trouble is when I do something it wears me out again and it all goes back to square one. This is the third time in my life I've had this, once from overwork (not exactly the reason I don't much now, but made me cut down 'or else' at the time) and once from clearing our family house single handed after 28 years of stuff. There are plenty of reasons for this episode (as described already). Most if not all gone now, but without a few weeks with staff doing the lot for me you can't charge batteries while you're using them.
Miracles exist if you're in any situation you can't fix yourself and something does it for you. But never when you wish for it. No way. That would put us in heaven and I'm in Kingsbury where miracles are rationed and then usually very small effects. But I've learnt there are many things we can't solve ourselves. If there's a mess on the carpet I clear it up. But if there's a mess in my life there aren't the tools available. That's when and why people want miracles, and my open mindedness in the area of the supernatural is gradually closing up as I see little evidence there's any more than the given.
I'll qualify that. Within the natural includes what is called the Akashic records. I can only tell you this as I use it so have no way I can not say it's real. But unless you either see me using it or have experienced it for yourself no one can prove it to others. Secondly Skylord http://www.expage.com/skygong has shown me not only does kundalini/universal energy exist (as I've raised it using yoga) it can be sent anywhere. But I will qualify that in my case, besides feeling bloody good, it had no known healing or psychic effects.
And thirdly eveything has an aura as I've seen them. Whatever power my teacher had appeared to transfer to her students as it was effortless to see them with her but almost impossible away from her. As she's now in the US desert I think I'll have to find another source of my aura power nowadays.
And the coincidences and synchronicities now spreading to people I know is the largest mystery, and clue maybe my next theory (I hope) has a major hole in it.
So my current view of the universe is God- feh! Angels- bollocks, Miracles- where? Planning? -no, chaos. Everything is exactly how it seems except information can also be gained without looking for it if you are tuned in. This only happens rarely with most people but proves it exists but we just aren't very good at using it.
Higher energies and frequencies aren't even supernatural, bees can see auras so it's nothing very surprising if you're a bee, so really not unscientific if we can as well.
But the one potential escape route is coincidences. They are miracles, but neutral ones. They don't help, they just amaze. I don't even know if making a profit is essential for a miracle, it really needs two types, useful and useless. So what I'm discovering is useless miracles in the form of coincidences is a definite (implying a controller as things can't fall into place without conscious direction) but helpful miracles like angelic interventions haven't found their way (knowingly) into my life. The only time I remember an overlap is when I really feel worn out and something that was booked up is cancelled at the last minute. That happens a lot when I need it to, but admittedly probably does when I don't, so possibly not a certainty.
Anyway, when I wrote this I was just describing the day, and allowed me to arrange a whole theory of the universe. And people call bloggers geeks...
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
David's day off
At the moment I have a Wednesday oasis between the rest of the week, whenI have a complete day free, to do whatever I like. Watching my local videos from a few years ago last week I realised that whether I was busy in or out of the house, since my friend left the country 4 years ago nearly all my activities were on my own, (admittedly most of the rest of the country was working at the time) meaning I had no one to talk to or share the memories. I just went from amusing myself indoors to outdoors.
So, I managed a flying visit to Golders Green to take more photos, and took most from in or next to the car as it's so difficult to park there now. I was even back in time to watch Neighbours. My aim is to work my way through all the kitchen articles that have to be washed and either put in the new cupboards or given away. I've so far done one load in the sink and emptied a couple of bisuit tins with historical remnants in them. Manchester Utd are on TV again tonight, this time in the League Cup, so my evening's mapped out at least.
Anyway, today's observation is based on my photos and comparing them with others on Flickr nearby, and have realised how much difference simple variations in our environment make. Two elements, space and design. The best example of space is when I went back to see the London University gardens in Hampstead (Queen Mary and Westfield College) and found one of the two to be replaced by a development the size of a village. London as with all cities is losing more and more green space, mainly due to the exponential growth in world population and the attraction of cities from rural communities home and abroad. The combination of these elements is building whatever you build, but leaving larger spaces between the buildings. Some chance.
The second element, raised in my 'Harlesden' post, is design. Modern or classical, the intervention of an architect or designer means a dull design, destined to last hundreds of years, can be altered using the same materials and space to something artistic. Therefore such modern slums such as Inglian's view of Central Wembley
Another borrowing,
is a perfect example of how easy it is for public and private builders (apparently the local council in this example) to put up prefabricated buildings cramming in hundreds of families no differently from housing lab rats, when using the identical space designers have made isolated examples of estates which are made with thought and care. The only extra cost is in the labour of designing the buildings in advance. The building costs should be the same as you're only arranging similar materials in a different shape. But most hideous buildings are put up by large companies who have a simple design for a basic house or block, and is then repeated ad nauseam throughout the large or small plot they have bought, often knocking down decent family houses with space and greenery between them, to put them up.
Living in a slowly degenerating London is like watching cancer spread. Sometimes slowly, when a few little houses are replaced with a block of flats, sometimes quickly as in my Hampstead example. Very rarely an operation is carried out where someone (by the law of 1000 monkeys) gets it right, and in the case of my local Chalkhill estate in Wembley Park, demolish the existing monstrosity and replace it with a designed environment with space. This is the exception to the rule and at least shows it can be done.
If only Britain's builders looked at these images and points. It would be so bloody easy for every developer in the country to follow Brent's example and though it may spread buildings over a larger area, it has to be better to have a rural/urban mix than cram buildings into every corner in towns and cities with vast empty spaces in between where building isn't allowed.
So, I managed a flying visit to Golders Green to take more photos, and took most from in or next to the car as it's so difficult to park there now. I was even back in time to watch Neighbours. My aim is to work my way through all the kitchen articles that have to be washed and either put in the new cupboards or given away. I've so far done one load in the sink and emptied a couple of bisuit tins with historical remnants in them. Manchester Utd are on TV again tonight, this time in the League Cup, so my evening's mapped out at least.
Anyway, today's observation is based on my photos and comparing them with others on Flickr nearby, and have realised how much difference simple variations in our environment make. Two elements, space and design. The best example of space is when I went back to see the London University gardens in Hampstead (Queen Mary and Westfield College) and found one of the two to be replaced by a development the size of a village. London as with all cities is losing more and more green space, mainly due to the exponential growth in world population and the attraction of cities from rural communities home and abroad. The combination of these elements is building whatever you build, but leaving larger spaces between the buildings. Some chance.
The second element, raised in my 'Harlesden' post, is design. Modern or classical, the intervention of an architect or designer means a dull design, destined to last hundreds of years, can be altered using the same materials and space to something artistic. Therefore such modern slums such as Inglian's view of Central Wembley
Another borrowing,
is a perfect example of how easy it is for public and private builders (apparently the local council in this example) to put up prefabricated buildings cramming in hundreds of families no differently from housing lab rats, when using the identical space designers have made isolated examples of estates which are made with thought and care. The only extra cost is in the labour of designing the buildings in advance. The building costs should be the same as you're only arranging similar materials in a different shape. But most hideous buildings are put up by large companies who have a simple design for a basic house or block, and is then repeated ad nauseam throughout the large or small plot they have bought, often knocking down decent family houses with space and greenery between them, to put them up.
Living in a slowly degenerating London is like watching cancer spread. Sometimes slowly, when a few little houses are replaced with a block of flats, sometimes quickly as in my Hampstead example. Very rarely an operation is carried out where someone (by the law of 1000 monkeys) gets it right, and in the case of my local Chalkhill estate in Wembley Park, demolish the existing monstrosity and replace it with a designed environment with space. This is the exception to the rule and at least shows it can be done.
If only Britain's builders looked at these images and points. It would be so bloody easy for every developer in the country to follow Brent's example and though it may spread buildings over a larger area, it has to be better to have a rural/urban mix than cram buildings into every corner in towns and cities with vast empty spaces in between where building isn't allowed.
Golders Green 2
The two centres of my universe are Golders Green Station and Henlys Corner. Golders Green is the central junction of both London buses and an Underground station, and wherever I went before I could drive the place I had to change was usually there, especially 7 years of school in and around Hampstead. I have been going to the shops there all my life as it lies between my old, newer and current houses. It's hardly changed but the parking there as in most of London is now almost prohibitive so I prefer to cycle to my local shops or go late night shopping when the parking's free, so I don't go there as much as I used to.
Henlys Corner became even more familiar after I moved at 5, and have passed through on an almost daily basis ever since. It's the junction where the three roads, A1, North Circular and A 598 cross, and is probably the road equivalent of Golders Green for public transport. If you're travelling by car in North London it's pretty likely you'll go through it, and I remember when there was a roundabout between the A1 and A 406 to the east, which must have gone around 1968. I'll be taking more pictures there next, so today it's the Golders Green views.
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Statistics
Thanks to Sharon, I was reminded I could get detailed statistics from my hit counter, and switched the function on over the weekend. I've learnt a few things from it, though I also need to learn what the details mean. The 'unique daily hits' appear to be a dual possibility, as the figures appear to tell me each day has the same visitors coming in about 6 times. If you enter the blog that's one, and make a comment probably two, but six?
If it means new visitors (there's no button that appears to display these) that would work, but so far it seems to be telling me I have about 8-9 visitors a day (including me!) who each come in an average of 6 times. Highly unlikely.
It also doesn't appear to have a tracker telling me who visits, though it can tell me the system and browser they use (like I need to know...). But it's my first go at reading the stats and I hope someone will explain what they represent and whether 9 visitors logging in 6 times a day is typical.
The next statistic is my new bedtime, from last night. I realised I musn't switch the computer on when I came home around midnight as I'd spend an average of three hours on it whatever I meant to do. I doubt I'll be able to cut off early, so at present am having to try cold turkey, and I'll keep you informed if I can keep it up.
Otherwise I've done my business for the day, and am bloody worn out (carrying 11 packs of tiles each weighing two stone in and out of the car in pairs would be one good reason) and clearly still suffering from two really poor night's sleep last week. But I did it and am pleased I have. The errant 'leather' chair has just been collected, just after I rang them to rebook the collection. The trading standards appear to be pursuing a prosecution (as they damn well should) and I really deserve compensation as I've wasted over a day hanging about, making phone calls and sending letters and emails and still have no new chair. And they just sent me an email asking me to buy the same chair. I've had no reply from the manufacturers either so it looks like a couple of firms may be heading for trouble as no reputation will be improved by selling fraudulently.
I've seen how annoying it is leaving personal messages in blogs, so I apologise in advance, but I just want to say hello if a certain person I mentioned on Friday is reading, and I hope you liked (ie didn't have a heart attack at least) what I wrote.
So far I now have a couple of days mainly free to recover from whatever I clearly have to recover from. I am still tired and a couple of free days are the best remedy apart from the obvious. I have to sort out which stuff to get rid of from the old kitchen, wash and put away the rest, and at least now have all the parts either ready or on delivery so the builder will have all he needs when he comes next week.
I'll finally mention (as it seems to be somewhere in my profile) it's my birthday on Sunday (46). I really believe the numbers cease to matter once you realise how little difference it makes past 30. My mum used to tell me when she had friends she both inherited from her own parents, and my age, that once you grew up age didn't matter, and I've discovered that myself. Once someone's about 30 they seem to have formed more or less who they are, and experienced enough unavoidably through life that they're no longer immature (check out big brother to see the divisions I mean). The food throwers vs the clearer ups for instance. Nearly always divided by age. We just have our fill of idiocy by average 30, and veer towards peace, quiet and conversation.
I'll probably have friends round on Saturday so I'll have people with me at midnight when the date turns over. If anyone locally reading wants to join us let me know, all well-behaved readers will be welcome! I know a number of people round here (relatively) who do drop in online so it could make an interesting evening. If it becomes an orgy I'll take extra credit, and may well become a regular event. Ah well, we can dream, unless Jodie Marsh turns up...
If it means new visitors (there's no button that appears to display these) that would work, but so far it seems to be telling me I have about 8-9 visitors a day (including me!) who each come in an average of 6 times. Highly unlikely.
It also doesn't appear to have a tracker telling me who visits, though it can tell me the system and browser they use (like I need to know...). But it's my first go at reading the stats and I hope someone will explain what they represent and whether 9 visitors logging in 6 times a day is typical.
The next statistic is my new bedtime, from last night. I realised I musn't switch the computer on when I came home around midnight as I'd spend an average of three hours on it whatever I meant to do. I doubt I'll be able to cut off early, so at present am having to try cold turkey, and I'll keep you informed if I can keep it up.
Otherwise I've done my business for the day, and am bloody worn out (carrying 11 packs of tiles each weighing two stone in and out of the car in pairs would be one good reason) and clearly still suffering from two really poor night's sleep last week. But I did it and am pleased I have. The errant 'leather' chair has just been collected, just after I rang them to rebook the collection. The trading standards appear to be pursuing a prosecution (as they damn well should) and I really deserve compensation as I've wasted over a day hanging about, making phone calls and sending letters and emails and still have no new chair. And they just sent me an email asking me to buy the same chair. I've had no reply from the manufacturers either so it looks like a couple of firms may be heading for trouble as no reputation will be improved by selling fraudulently.
I've seen how annoying it is leaving personal messages in blogs, so I apologise in advance, but I just want to say hello if a certain person I mentioned on Friday is reading, and I hope you liked (ie didn't have a heart attack at least) what I wrote.
So far I now have a couple of days mainly free to recover from whatever I clearly have to recover from. I am still tired and a couple of free days are the best remedy apart from the obvious. I have to sort out which stuff to get rid of from the old kitchen, wash and put away the rest, and at least now have all the parts either ready or on delivery so the builder will have all he needs when he comes next week.
I'll finally mention (as it seems to be somewhere in my profile) it's my birthday on Sunday (46). I really believe the numbers cease to matter once you realise how little difference it makes past 30. My mum used to tell me when she had friends she both inherited from her own parents, and my age, that once you grew up age didn't matter, and I've discovered that myself. Once someone's about 30 they seem to have formed more or less who they are, and experienced enough unavoidably through life that they're no longer immature (check out big brother to see the divisions I mean). The food throwers vs the clearer ups for instance. Nearly always divided by age. We just have our fill of idiocy by average 30, and veer towards peace, quiet and conversation.
I'll probably have friends round on Saturday so I'll have people with me at midnight when the date turns over. If anyone locally reading wants to join us let me know, all well-behaved readers will be welcome! I know a number of people round here (relatively) who do drop in online so it could make an interesting evening. If it becomes an orgy I'll take extra credit, and may well become a regular event. Ah well, we can dream, unless Jodie Marsh turns up...
Sunday, January 22, 2006
Judgement
I believe anon has reminded me why I had become stuck in a groove of batting off judgements of myself. By starting them off it probably began by bringing all my insecurities to then surface and having to look and see whether they were justified.
There is a rule that says on the day of judgement (22nd of January 2006 in this case) there is only one judge, yourself. And after months of deliberation I will say the verdict is
NOT GUILTY
Going beyond the legal requirement, I have two pretty comprehensive reasons. The first is the biggest for all, the rest is detail.
1) My heart is in the right place
2) I did my best under the circumstances. I know it’s possible to go beyond what is reasonable under pressure, but that’s going beyond the call of duty and not a requirement for adequacy.
As far as maturity and personal development goes, when I was about 3 I said how funny a woman’s face was while on the bus with my Mum. She told me it wasn’t nice to make personal remarks, and that was it. I have insulted people verbally since, but felt so guilty that didn’t last very long, and was probably provoked from what I vaguely remember. But in writing in public? That is a lot lower than whatever they criticised me for as it shows a level of development most kids pass by high school.
If my anonymous stalker really cares about reforming me, they need to read a quote at Funtrivia, you catch more bears with honey than vinegar. And what exactly needs reforming?
I can only imagine. I spent a few pages looking at whether enforced unemployment makes you inadequate, and presented the case that earning money and being a valuable person are not connected. Earning money and paying your bills are if that’s the only way you can pay them. Beyond that, fuck it. When I look back and see how my family were helped for years by me as I wasn’t working I can see what they’d have missed had I not been available (as the only child and grandchild). But even if I’d had a huge family to share the help (not that they all do in reality), not working wouldn’t automatically make me guilty (see reasons above to remind what is important). I may often be childlike in that I don't take life too seriously in many ways, and am very open (in a positive sense, but more associated with children as they are told not to be) but except for the poo jokes, rarely childish. I can see some of the reasons I get popped at but I don't think there's any useful way I need to grow up as I can see little of use that would change if I did.
If I ever want to become a guru, making me look at issues like this and try and teach both the person who raised the points, and anyone else I teach in passing may be the best way to push me into it. I rise to intellectual challenges, and lock the door to physical ones. The demons often break the door down though, but the challenges have often worn me out so much I feel if I take on physical challenges my body may wear out far too soon.
But, my problem based on experience is one of ‘cloth ears’. The sort of people who shoot the missiles aren’t able to change. They are right, and whatever you say is posted but returned to sender before consideration. I carry on as other people read this, and though the person who I originally began this post for will be guaranteed to dismiss 100% of what I write as that’s the formula.
I am sometimes tempted to do what I consider blowing my own trumpet when faced with unjust criticism, but I think if some of the points I want to raise are the same an employer would look at when deciding whether to take me on maybe it’s a time to break that rule and go ahead and blow a bit.
I think when you are trying to knock someone off their perch, try and imagine what you’ll get back when you insult someone’s intelligence. One person who tears me apart and I go back for more almost every week is Tommy Boyd. He isn’t an equal, as well as the fact had he been an equal I’d still go back for more as being objective gives anyone equal the edge to see your situation more clearly. He is a superior. He has shown he has the right to pull my life apart hair by hair, as he sees what I don’t. Anyway, apart from Tommy, where I set myself up for comment, if you’re going to punch, albeit intellectually, try and keep to your own weight. I may be physically weak as far as tasks are concerned, but when it comes to argument, bring it on. I spent bloody ages studying every possible subject designed to develop my own latent ability, meaning I don’t slip into many of the intellectual traps and cul-de-sacs many people do when arguing emotionally with little substance behind it. It can be fucking annoying to get nonetheless, but pretty easy to hit beyond the boundary (cricket term!!). Human dynamics always display everyone’s strengths and weaknesses. As the bible said (which I still don’t get) this then sorts out the sheep from the goats (I like them both though…). Those who exploit others’ weaknesses and go on about them are basically trying to hide their own as a result. Hide behind the faults of another and maybe they won’t see yours. Non-starter. It doesn’t even matter if they don’t (in fact most just don’t care either way, unlike you about theirs), because you are still aware of them, and that means only your judgement matters over them as I said at the beginning. To me, if anon or anyone else has personal issues, it’s none of my concern, unless they’re in my presence. Then I usually either gloss over them, or if that bad, get totally away from them. But as Buddhists teach, you never offer your opinion, you wait for it to be asked. Then it may be listened to. Otherwise you just become a spare grandmother, but my grandmother’s heart is in the right place so I laugh at her comments before I hit them over the boundary. If made from anger and/or malice, they are simply an unburdening of bad feelings which only your friends will possibly agree with and everyone else will feel sorry for you.
If you genuinely want to help you can’t do it like this. You appear not to care, have any compassion at all, and only seem interested in trying to bring me down to your level and hide from your own problems which must be pretty pressing if they make you behave in such a bitter and twisted way. Don’t just listen to me thinking -I’m biased- other people have mentioned it as well, you’ve become like the drunk in the street shouting at invisible people. You’ve become the Kingsbury blog’s laughing stock, not me.
If you want to gain that label (albeit anonymously, the revelation appeared to be a premature statement) fine, but unless all you want to achieve is a regular venting of hate, you’re wasting a lot of energy and words and achieving nothing beyond annoying lots of people. That’ll look good on your CV. Still, you gave me the equivalent of a mental workout in the gym. I really had to dig deep to answer your ridiculous points in a way hopefully at least all the neutrals will understand. I don’t think I got out of second gear but I don’t really believe I was dealing with the sort of opposition that could ever do more than that. Sorry, but you’ve had a lot of chances to show what you’re made of, and have never shown much of a standard beyond simple playground bullies.
There is a rule that says on the day of judgement (22nd of January 2006 in this case) there is only one judge, yourself. And after months of deliberation I will say the verdict is
NOT GUILTY
Going beyond the legal requirement, I have two pretty comprehensive reasons. The first is the biggest for all, the rest is detail.
1) My heart is in the right place
2) I did my best under the circumstances. I know it’s possible to go beyond what is reasonable under pressure, but that’s going beyond the call of duty and not a requirement for adequacy.
As far as maturity and personal development goes, when I was about 3 I said how funny a woman’s face was while on the bus with my Mum. She told me it wasn’t nice to make personal remarks, and that was it. I have insulted people verbally since, but felt so guilty that didn’t last very long, and was probably provoked from what I vaguely remember. But in writing in public? That is a lot lower than whatever they criticised me for as it shows a level of development most kids pass by high school.
If my anonymous stalker really cares about reforming me, they need to read a quote at Funtrivia, you catch more bears with honey than vinegar. And what exactly needs reforming?
I can only imagine. I spent a few pages looking at whether enforced unemployment makes you inadequate, and presented the case that earning money and being a valuable person are not connected. Earning money and paying your bills are if that’s the only way you can pay them. Beyond that, fuck it. When I look back and see how my family were helped for years by me as I wasn’t working I can see what they’d have missed had I not been available (as the only child and grandchild). But even if I’d had a huge family to share the help (not that they all do in reality), not working wouldn’t automatically make me guilty (see reasons above to remind what is important). I may often be childlike in that I don't take life too seriously in many ways, and am very open (in a positive sense, but more associated with children as they are told not to be) but except for the poo jokes, rarely childish. I can see some of the reasons I get popped at but I don't think there's any useful way I need to grow up as I can see little of use that would change if I did.
If I ever want to become a guru, making me look at issues like this and try and teach both the person who raised the points, and anyone else I teach in passing may be the best way to push me into it. I rise to intellectual challenges, and lock the door to physical ones. The demons often break the door down though, but the challenges have often worn me out so much I feel if I take on physical challenges my body may wear out far too soon.
But, my problem based on experience is one of ‘cloth ears’. The sort of people who shoot the missiles aren’t able to change. They are right, and whatever you say is posted but returned to sender before consideration. I carry on as other people read this, and though the person who I originally began this post for will be guaranteed to dismiss 100% of what I write as that’s the formula.
I am sometimes tempted to do what I consider blowing my own trumpet when faced with unjust criticism, but I think if some of the points I want to raise are the same an employer would look at when deciding whether to take me on maybe it’s a time to break that rule and go ahead and blow a bit.
I think when you are trying to knock someone off their perch, try and imagine what you’ll get back when you insult someone’s intelligence. One person who tears me apart and I go back for more almost every week is Tommy Boyd. He isn’t an equal, as well as the fact had he been an equal I’d still go back for more as being objective gives anyone equal the edge to see your situation more clearly. He is a superior. He has shown he has the right to pull my life apart hair by hair, as he sees what I don’t. Anyway, apart from Tommy, where I set myself up for comment, if you’re going to punch, albeit intellectually, try and keep to your own weight. I may be physically weak as far as tasks are concerned, but when it comes to argument, bring it on. I spent bloody ages studying every possible subject designed to develop my own latent ability, meaning I don’t slip into many of the intellectual traps and cul-de-sacs many people do when arguing emotionally with little substance behind it. It can be fucking annoying to get nonetheless, but pretty easy to hit beyond the boundary (cricket term!!). Human dynamics always display everyone’s strengths and weaknesses. As the bible said (which I still don’t get) this then sorts out the sheep from the goats (I like them both though…). Those who exploit others’ weaknesses and go on about them are basically trying to hide their own as a result. Hide behind the faults of another and maybe they won’t see yours. Non-starter. It doesn’t even matter if they don’t (in fact most just don’t care either way, unlike you about theirs), because you are still aware of them, and that means only your judgement matters over them as I said at the beginning. To me, if anon or anyone else has personal issues, it’s none of my concern, unless they’re in my presence. Then I usually either gloss over them, or if that bad, get totally away from them. But as Buddhists teach, you never offer your opinion, you wait for it to be asked. Then it may be listened to. Otherwise you just become a spare grandmother, but my grandmother’s heart is in the right place so I laugh at her comments before I hit them over the boundary. If made from anger and/or malice, they are simply an unburdening of bad feelings which only your friends will possibly agree with and everyone else will feel sorry for you.
If you genuinely want to help you can’t do it like this. You appear not to care, have any compassion at all, and only seem interested in trying to bring me down to your level and hide from your own problems which must be pretty pressing if they make you behave in such a bitter and twisted way. Don’t just listen to me thinking -I’m biased- other people have mentioned it as well, you’ve become like the drunk in the street shouting at invisible people. You’ve become the Kingsbury blog’s laughing stock, not me.
If you want to gain that label (albeit anonymously, the revelation appeared to be a premature statement) fine, but unless all you want to achieve is a regular venting of hate, you’re wasting a lot of energy and words and achieving nothing beyond annoying lots of people. That’ll look good on your CV. Still, you gave me the equivalent of a mental workout in the gym. I really had to dig deep to answer your ridiculous points in a way hopefully at least all the neutrals will understand. I don’t think I got out of second gear but I don’t really believe I was dealing with the sort of opposition that could ever do more than that. Sorry, but you’ve had a lot of chances to show what you’re made of, and have never shown much of a standard beyond simple playground bullies.
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