Make it so...

Due to lack of sleep I'm here now as I don't intend to return to the computer when I get in again later. I even planned to play my first round (9 holes) of golf since the lessons from my Dad last summer but was too tired. But the alternative fairy was around and my gardens needed a lot of attention, and with the first warm day of the year cut the front lawn, weeded the back and then finally removed the 3ft box from behind my kitchen and put everything in a tidy place to await a wash before returning to the new kitchen units. So the golf may have been nice but those jobs had to be done and have been now.

Last night I did my first 'blank slate' post on Funtrivia's blog, bearing in mind the lack of censorship here and not to run free and vulgar where kids are watching. I ended up discovering that I do meet wonderful women despite only going to strange places, and though not a single one has wanted any physical contact with me they still remain friends. Mind you, in the cases I mentioned I haven't actually tried yet so who knows? But like the alternative fairy who makes sure if your plans are jammed you always do something instead, often even more useful. Not going to singles dos, or even worse, holidays (a week with them?!) does not and never did mean I would never meet anyone. And when I went to courses over the last 20 years I rarely met any single women let alone ones who clicked, besides most courses being miles away as well as the women who attended them. I did see a couple but the trouble with being a counsellor is once people know what you do any decent looking woman can pretend she wants to see you simply to unload all her problems on you when she does and then mention 'didn't you know I had a boyfriend?' Bitch... And that one had the incredibly weird 'Body dismorphic disorder', where people believe they're deformed. I kid you not. Current research likens these disorders to a programming software fault in the brain, which would also make them a damn sight harder to cure with therapy.

I see so much weirdness in my job, where reality is bypassed by an inner view which may be impossible to penetrate with logic. Now if God creates us all in his image, he will also have paranoia, anorexia, social phobia and every other crossed wire he inflicts on us. If he did it. However, God is by definition perfect. We are definitely not. So when men build a new car or camera and it goes wrong we learn from our mistakes. We can never be perfect and are continually evolving our creations. God however we are told got it right first time, as he can't make a mistake. Pardon? Look at the evidence. We create, we do our best, we get it wrong and try and fix it.
God, if he did even do all this, has to be the same. Instead of being the perfect and omnipotent being we wish we had as our father, he's a higher entity pissing about in a lab somewhere hours after everyone else has gone home, and looking through his microscope at the next virus he's trying to remove from the mix. And if you buy into that, you'll add the other entities on his world who, just like the internet, sabotage his work for fun, creating better viruses (eg zango) that poor God keeps having inflicted on his creation, like bird flu. That we call the devil, but unlike the bible the real devil is God's equal, and constantly fucking up everything God tries to do. Doesn't that, if you must believe in creationism, look a lot more logical?

I will give a few reasons I am not fully agreed with the view we were created at random. Certain sexual factors are so perfectly designed (no, I won't go into detail, read Havelock Ellis!), that it implies if that is the case, there must be an element of design involved. Then some of the higher meditative states appear to be too good to be an accident, and most of all synchronicity, which despite the chaos in between, connects every part of the universe all the time, otherwise it couldn't work.
If I read a book and then a day later someone asks me a question I just read the answer to you'd say it was coincidence. I've been doing this for about 15 years and how do people wait till I've learnt something before they ask me? That's just a typical example, but it's a way of life I'm as used to now as knowing most things set in a psychic reading. There are tiny gaps in the chaos, and my assumption that once I discovered there was more I'd be happy.

The trouble is the effects are rare and wear off once the outside world takes over. Despite knowing a lot more than I did, none of that information makes the world a better place when the effects stop. Maybe even if I met an alien or had an out of body experience my life would return identical to before just as it did sooner or later after my little experiences. The same as people with a flash of enlightenment, some can hold that memory and raise their life afterwards even if it never happens again. That is one thing many people are fixed by, as in improved permanently. And why I still practice what I do as that is one area which offers the ultimate prize though only a tiny fraction of students seem to get a thing from it. It seems like either an unnatural state or one reserved for those chosen to have it. Or all a crock... I have the rest of my life to find out but if it's real I don't know what I'd tell everyone as not a soul can convince me it's real so how could I?

Well, that's plenty to think about before I leave for grandma soon. Maybe one day someone will tell me I've taught them something. That would be a bonus.