Analingus

Now I've hopefully got your attention, there's not a lot to tell, I need a valve for the bike front tyre before I can use that again, someone yet again didn't turn up as they seem to need a confirmation even though the date was arranged. I may have been tired but not the way to find out after the non-event. So I was hanging about for a while before my sole late booking of the day (I'm not a prostitute but it could sound like it), and was then on the phone for ages.
I'm still waiting to hear about the TV non-showing, I've now emailed the producer who hasn't returned my phone calls as it's becoming more and more of an abortion as each day goes by. If these fuckers want people to watch TV on demand then for Christ's sake advertise it. You get the worst tripe imaginable on Channel 4 on hoardings every few yards on the North Circular although every paper in the country has the listings, but some crack between the channels that doesn't appear in any newspaper can't be arsed to advertise despite launching a totally new service.

Maybe they want it to fail.

Meanwhile after waiting many years I believe the Guernsey UFO sighting has beaten the disinformation system at last. Multiple witnesses from official vehicles, double position sightings, meaning size could be worked out, and radar confirmation. Plus the object passed the test being beyond human capability to create, being a mile long. I've never come across a sighting with every box ticked before so each could have been something else. You can't fake a lit object hanging in the sky a mile long. As and when other people realise this is not possible to dismiss the long awaited discovery may slowly dawn on them, it's apparently been made. If nothing else non-earth origin objects have to be here as that bugger was definitely man made, unless they both mocked it up as a balloon and wanted to hoax everyone, but why?
Hopefully as with this story (3 months old) more will leak out over time. Like with an old woman on a long walk. Excuse me.

Anyway, having attempted to offend as many people as possible in as few words as possible, I could probably disgust a few more unfortunates and minorities, but I tend to do it far better when trying not to than looking for trouble. And leaking 0ld women quite turns me on actually, if they were attractive and under 75...
I think that must have offended a few more people. Bernard Manning? He was a proper comedian, only people with existing chips on their shoulders were offended, he didn't mean a word of it I believe, he just exploited the humour in people's stereotypes and had he been any of those groups himself (he had Jewish relatives) it wouldn't have stopped him saying a word of it. He represented freedom of speech and was the example I follow myself against the thought nazis of political correctness.
I however couldn't give a damn who I offend as if they can't see I'm trying to be funny they have no sense of humour. Feminists, Muslims, Common people etc will just have to take it, as I have for all my own clear and obvious shortcomings and personal ethnicity. I know the difference between funny and nasty and I never try to be nasty. I think had I been a Nigerian I'd still piss myself laughing about the permanent students in their 30s who study accounts in Britain while driving a minicab and tell everyone they're royalty and will join the government when they pass their exams the 4th attempt. They take themselves so seriously and have absolutely no sense of humour and that alone (besides what could be the most musical accent on the planet) makes them hilarious. Having worked with them since I was in the 6th form these stereotypes are deadly accurate and totally positive. Just as I piss myself with Jewish stereotypes. How morons (normally not Jewish) can call me anti semitic for doing them, while being Jewish, is an example how the 'Haringey mentality' has brainwashed so many half witted sheep who think by imitating someone you want to commit genocide. Imitation is surely the highest compliment assuming it's accurate and the thing that makes me laugh the most is when people take me off. When someone did me eating I nearly got a hernia.

So the day (once I perfect the accent) I make a Nigerian laugh with my impersonations of their compatriates I will have proved my points. While the white liberals are squirming with embarrassment hopefully the Africans will see the funny side I have observed in their own people just as Felix Dexter did, who is also not Nigerian, although admittedly the same colour. And Linda Smith had an identical stereotype on her radio show while she was alive, who was actually Nigerian but happy to play the exact character I do. Why? Because they are the most visible Nigerians in the country. But if I work for years on the accent and say exactly what he does I get accused of all sorts and would be banned from television for life, like Jim Davidson was as far as his comedy was concerned at least. Big deal. I was going for a walk but was on the phone so long I stayed in and wrote this instead. Besides hearing something I wanted to on the radio by pure chance I don't know which would have been preferable. Maybe I should go to Speaker's Corner, except I'd get shot by a Muslim within 10 minutes. Guaranteed.