Catching up 3/2012 #2

Bit of a loose end so decided to do one of my old style posts and hope a few people read it, and one day someone new (or old) comments like the old days when it was a community here. I've had a week free after a few weeks of visitors and arrangements, first diverted by a call to the doctor for an annual tablet review, and now they want a second blood pressure test as it was up 5 above normal. Caution over the required level possibly? The tablets they give are far worse than the alternative, my late grandma had record figures for years but only ill from the medication they gave her for it and made 99 despite them not because of them. After another long photo trip on Sunday I'm sorted for a week, although felt like going on another had the doctor yesterday and work today and won't be back in time for my weekly family meal tomorrow. I hope to break the east record over the weekend anyway and if so will be good enough.

I have definitely established the majority of my issues going out the last few years were due to my physical health problems which caused the anxiety rather than vice versa. It's all very well being a hypochondriac but even they get ill sometimes and mine lasted a couple of years. It's such a relief now feeling OK enough to do many more things again, there's still some way to go before I'm even half way back, and age alone will blunt my power compared to how it was naturally. But I appreciate it all now remembering when much was rarely possible. I still keep a skeleton of plans for the short term, which works so far and pretty essential with no one else to make arrangements with me besides friends calling with ideas occasionally (not all are welcomed). I have definitely accepted how the world is outside is not my field, and can only work on personal growth so I can face the world better exactly as it is, as if it goes to the dogs it's not part of my area of influence. I can't avoid observing this trend, have concluded a level of energy around the world as chaotic and like any other tension can break at any time and everything simply goes back to normal. I don't think whatever I do or don't do is able to alter any of that so better to be of the world but not part of it.

In my personal world it is impossible to dismiss past experiences of guidance when it goes a bit quiet. So I missed a chance (again, not my field of influence) to interview a celebrity on TV, but so many things do not happen in life only the ones which do exist. There should be a lesson in every negative experience if we look for it, and if the result is any damage is temporary but the lesson is permanent it also means we could have had a nicer way to learn but it didn't register. So the same problems keep coming back larger and larger till we finally learn which random combination of actions fixes it. Everyone is out of their depth in a new situation without much information, just watch Star Trek to see. You start with a new and apparently insoluble problem, and over time get a small hook in to change a small part, and then help from outside to see something else, and eventually after a group effort a few people find different solutions separately and the first one applied solves it. But it never prepares you for the next one ad infinitum. And in guidance we only get the big problems when we've solved the others, like a PhD. Those with the greatest problems to solve would be the ones at the end of their learning, as they'd climbed all the other mountains and only the highest ones left. That's the same with all areas, weights, education or climbing. It seems you've gone right back to the beginning but in fact if you get worse problems after the last apparently its so you learn to handle them, as otherwise you may reach spiritual levels for now, and it all falls apart when you hit a situation you couldn't handle and lose it all. Therefore you need to be immune to all the outside shit as any inner development can be lost if only subject to outside forces. There is the counter-theory that by reaching the spiritual peak then the same stuff happens and you simply don't care, so gives a dual route but not so easy to choose which to be on.

So these new situations are either random or for a purpose, and with enough repetition the evidence becomes a bit too great to be random. I can't help teaching what I know anyway and people ask me regardless so as long as it helps I am serving a secondary purpose. And if I can learn by trial and error but teach the same lessons to people to learn from my experience how many people's suffering could be avoided? The next thread is about where I get my information from. Most spiritual teachers combine what they know at the point they begin speaking without thought, as you start a subject on lessons learnt officially, and then spin off to the source of that knowledge and meaning of it even though you'd never heard it or worked it out beforehand. That is when you seem to cross to the universal level of knowledge, joining with the pool in the frequency you've hooked into, and it takes over. I do it all the time and can tell now when I am. It's very satisfying to see after you've begun a subject you look back and wonder how you managed to write that. You can also be asked a question and feel the answer come before you had time to stop and think, and put together loads of areas and new data to complete a picture way beyond what you actually knew, and fits together almost perfectly. I teach myself as well when that happens as it's basically following a thread from the beginning and into its next level.

My current gap is simply the way I feel. Until that does not crash like a brick every time something big or small goes wrong and often take a day or so to recover I am fucked. You can't become enlightened with blockages, and although this is a natural human reaction it has to go before I can advance. So every so often I get something to break the calm and see the reaction, now like an observer, understand the reason and the result, and simply wait for it to go away. That was actually the essence of my teaching, to just observe and not get involved directly, and if that's all I need to do it may kill it off alone. My mind suspects there's something else I need to do on top, but no clues as to what it is (meditate, the inner voice says), so this is a cue to stop spending 99% of my free time either online or watching TV and bloody well apply all the methods I learnt, often at a financial cost and usually at a time one. There is a perfect and very concise example of the greater self kicking in when required, as my conscious mind hadn't a clue what else to do, and apparently these little drops in frequency have been to remind me to keep it going more often however much fun I'm having online. The mind now says what if even that doesn't work, but it would wouldn't it.