I'm an agoraphobic, get used to it

Up till now the angels have been good (with my own help of course), as despite not having the chance to get the signs 'up north' Tuesday or Wednesday despite not getting the chance till it was getting late yesterday decided the new camera may well manage tasks beyond the compact and risked it anyway as I had the whole day free. Apart from one photo in the light on the way on a road I hadn't covered yet it was dark by the time I got there, and raining. The signs were up on a wall, beyond the flash meaning it only had half the power it needed, but took a bunch and then selected the best angles, and overexposed the results till they looked as if the flash had reached them. That wasn't possible with the compact as the pixels would probably have appeared making it unusable. I used the night vision capability (combined with flash as otherwise it may need a long exposure I didn't bother to stand in the rain testing before trying) and got reasonable results covered with little white spots which wasn't ich (anyone got tropical fish?) as looked like it but the flash reflected by the rain. It did mean I only covered two spots in the town and none on the couple of miles off the main road to get there, as it had no buildings to illuminate or anywhere to stop but really just needed the signs.

The ex has vowed to come tomorrow but as I'm free I'll just have to suck it up, and have to have dinner (you'll love this) next week with my mother's local rabbi who invited the neighbours over. That'll be fun... Had I permission to film it and edit the best bits for Youtube I'd see it as a project, but otherwise for me needs to be tolerated like the upcoming wedding. As far as weddings and funerals go I'd rather only go to my own now as had more than enough for one lifetime. I suppose besides getting up for it as long as the ex doesn't make me go anywhere dodgy I can manage tomorrow and not missing anything else, and will just carry on regardless after considering the clocks are going back and won't be going anywhere new for photos much past London till late March.

Beyond tomorrow is a mystery within the normal boundaries, diminished for the autumn. I can make local videos before it gets dark, meditate and do my compulsory annual professional courses online, and hopefully am taking Grace to the gym as she's probably the only person left who would use the free ticket. I'm seeing the new one the following week and hope she's happy where I want to take her, and if not accepts the few possible alternatives I will insist on, as she doesn't know my anxiety issues and won't until she knows me far better. If I told everyone I met maybe two would understand and 98 wouldn't want to see me again, that's how it works and people mistrust others not like them in any way. I also wonder if you have one problem they assume you must have others, eg- depression and psychosis, or deaf and stupid etc, it appears to be human nature and seen many psychiatric patients who still don't get others with different problems as if theirs is the only one that's real.

It's a tough situation but my situation, a bit like a stain on a carpet you can't replace or cover up, and have to explain to every visitor the first time they see it for the rest of your life. Of course here only a few people will meet me and have to work round it, but will have got to know me well enough by then to get it, but not someone who's only known me a short time. First impressions count and weird isn't ever the best one to start with.