Satsang

If you don't know what it means just read along and it may start to make sense. I have been watching a lot on youtube since thinking of looking for it, and it has had two effects. One has been for me to eliminate the vast majority of it for being unnecessarily complicated, including my old teacher Tony Parsons. The second is to move me to the path of my own experience and knowledge that true development is physical/spiritual, and independent of mental knowledge. It is based purely on raising the kundalini force, and as such is almost impossible to do without practises. Meditations and exercises are the way as well as shaktipat, being awakened by one able to do so.

Even then and with the best methods few respond. Take a tab of LSD and I am told some get there directly, but also likely to suffer a form of neural brain damage which really isn't worth the tradeoff. So removing drugs there is a list of practises, most now public, which almost remove the need for conventional lectures as once you understand what you're doing and why there's little need to keep listening to the master. They only seem to repeat the same cliches anyway and can't practise for you. They may be enlightened but besides the possible single shaktipat transfer can do little more besides alter your exercises and explain your symptoms. The whole thing is based on trust until it happens to you, and having found an online teacher who basically responded to my comments by offering help, she said I have experienced pranic surges, which are the first stage of awakening. They feel bloody good and are clearly very unlikely without meditation first, but do not create any powers or long term changes. In fact the only gate that has opened is to more of the same, being able to create such surges at will which I can only compare with masturbation if there is no physical benefit.

I have received shaktipat from a Qigong master, like many now from a distance but believe me it made no difference. It peaked for a few hours, from the second she started, and was residual for some days after. But again it was only a nice feeling and didn't change me noticeably.

Now the satsang element here is I don't believe much is needed. Those who want to develop will look for teachers and the rest won't care or listen. If enlightened masters or anyone else finds ways that work then they can allow anyone to teach them as they are purely mechanical, and their only role is that of inspiration to say what is possible for the students (if they're lucky). Meditation is the best example of surrender to the universe that I know. We all do the same thing and using a standard statistical graph get varying results on a bell shaped curve. Even if those at the rough end try other methods it's unlikely it'll make any difference as some people are tougher to change full stop. If some teachers arrive who can help them then they'll become the real satgurus, the gurus of the gurus who can do more than offer ancient practises to people and let nature take over the results. I probably have this role with my clients, as many are kicked out or leave a number of other therapists until they find me who has the patience to put up with their weirdness as I expect others to with mine. Being a hippy and eccentric the bog standard working people, especially the business people, rarely get on with me, maybe they can tell how boring I find them and their way of life. They are rich, busy and unhappy. Where did it get them?

The intellectuals are the opposite as they worry themselves unhappy and I undo the worries for them. The others are just spoiled children who want a posh guy in a suit to reassure them regardless what they do. The only thing stopping me from looking like an extra from Jesus Christ Superstar is my grandma, whose 'hair alarm' is as loud and persistent as any car alarm once my hair touches my collar. It's just not worth the aggro. But inside that's who I am and once I start talking about Buddha the clients either join in or walk away. But half my teaching is based on Buddha's as it works. I use other teachings as well where they fit in, Freud, Jung and especially the inner child, but when it comes to life in general many problems are calmed by Buddhism before any modern therapist.

Anyway, I believe I have more tools than most for my own spiritual development, have had nothing besides these 'pranic surges' and highs from meditation once in a blue moon, and after 10 years of practise feel a little cheated. I have no more learning left besides maybe some inspiration, and however much work I may put in I feel no different. This can change at any time but using an equation the energy I put in would be expected to be demonstrated at some level or maybe there's a hole in the vessel.

Kundalini, God and siddhis

Sometimes it's better to wait than repeat the same daily dross which is life here. My friend in America said he wanted to come back, 2 weeks later he doesn't. Nothing new there. Meanwhile I'm being bombarded with arguments for and against God. No one can show god to others, if it's there we can only find it individually. No sense in the concept at all, if there's a gap in the wall I hope to find it, but although if you look you find a lot none are close to what god is supposed to be.

I have begun to poke around what they call kundalini (look it up guys!) and siddhis (ditto) and believe me many are real. I used methods known and secret which actually worked equally well for what they were meant to do, but either peak too soon or tail off very quickly. But what I've seen shows without a push we have latent powers within us all that in my case took minutes to release the first times I was given some help. People know how to do this and the easiest by far is clairvoyance. The stuff I pull in at random and when I tune in is as accurate as any film or photo when it works, and we are only simple 2 way transceivers of data. Tantra introduced me to the full power of sex, not even with anyone. Or anywhere 'downstairs' at all. That's just the 'usual' place to find it but it's everywhere once you open it up. No effort at all. And I've seen auras, coloured, grey and clear, but need to learn again on my own without the teacher's help.

But god? I don't think we can stray far from classical definitions. A power which is everywhere, created everything and knows everything. But what the fucking hell does he do once he's laid this enormous egg and left it to its own devices? Absolutely bugger all. If you buy a cat at least you feed it and clean after it, to him we'd be dumb animals and every mess we make we are left to tread in. No way Jose. It just doesn't fit together. Remember if god does exist it is within. Drugs release the closest experiences to god (apparently), of not then meditation as I do it. But it's not much and it doesn't really mean anything, just feels good. And god didn't make us all just to become hippies and drop out. Which is what I did in about 1997. Dropping out that is. I dropped in again in 2000 but the system spat me back onto the irresponsible pile where I remained, looking after my own needs rather than those of a greedy employer.

I'm virtually unemployable now, as my record confirms. I don't mind, I'm no longer used to work and use the time looking for god instead. And if I find clues, besides in me where were they? The 1960s. Youtube videos I often hadn't seen for 40 years, especially in black and white. I believe in 1967 something came into the world for a few years that took over many people between 5 and 35 and made them the closest to enlightened anyone has ever been before and since. All the slander of the hippies at the time and since has not been based on any more than contempt, as the real meaning was there for anyone to see and behind all the different faces of it at the time. So having confirmed the best route unfortunately as soon as the music stops I'm bac in 2007 and very little is left of it. So far. But it's a flame alive within me and now I know it was always there maybe it'll take me over and then spread to outside. It may not be god but at least it's real and accessible. Look at the faces of the singers in 1967. They were different. At peace. A deep happiness that came through everything they did regardless of any surface tension. Checkout Peter Paul and Mary or The mamas and the papas. They all had their ups and downs (especially when some died since) but they had it, whatever it was. Forget church, the Toronto experience, and LSD. Maharaji began his shtick at 14 in 1971, at the arse end of the hippy movement. I was lucky enough to find it (again, in 1971 I saw the posters but hadn't a clue what it was) in 1996, and is now my very weak route to inner success. No idea why at the moment it rarely has any power but it's the best I can do. And now and again it gets the voltage up, especially in a group.

So at the moment I see life as so. Everything we see is exactly all there is. No higher forces or intelligence, and any there are are what we can do when we try. We have hidden depths but life itself is random and cruel with no order or meaning. Coincidences show we must be connected at a level like telepathy, but aren't helpful, just evidential. All the ones I see just tell me they happen and not for any actual point. But people say they know god exists, you ask why and the answers you get are like the message you get in a dream. They are so weak they evaporate as soon as you wake up. Totally hopeless. I've never got a word of sense about why people are certain god exists besides they feel it. I feel a lot and the best way I've found to god isn't the way they find it. Unless they do. But that doesn't really last and you need something permanent which I have yet to get more than 1% towards if that isn't an illusion. Please add any new information as this is as far as I get.