I have some time on my hands and instead of doing something constructive (I think I may have done enough this week) I came here. Probably as most people have others around to talk to, and I don't. I'm still thinking about the woman from school who after doing the usual fantasy ranking of who would make the best partner came out on top. I reckon if I'm not careful she could find this blog and see what I've done to make her into of an object of worship but I suppose the hints I've already dropped she can probably work it out already. In a couple of years in that school, the first mixed secondary school I went to after a few years locked up with all boys, I was totally overwhelmed by both the variety and the quality of what was there. Of course being 12 meant I had no idea how their minds worked as well as I was so fascinated with their bodies.
I worked my way through attempts at every attractive female there over that period, phone calls, and unfortunately following my mad genius friend Jacob, suggestive comments.
Jacob was literally the mad scientist stereotype, he was American, Jewish and a complete genius. He was the worst behaved person in the class, and possibly the whole school, but never got into trouble. We had a substitute teacher once for English (one who normally worked in the 6th form) and on being told off by her replied 'Fuck this shit!'. Now having taught teenagers myself for 6 years in the 80s onwards found little unusual in this nowadays, but in about 1973 was totally revolutionary. He grabbed girls by the behind and swore at anyone he disagreed with and became the only bad influence anyone has ever been to me. Such a role model, the brains combined with the total lack of respect for authority, was my exact dark side portrayed in reality. Like someone I met afterwards he seemed to have no inhibitions, but unlike the other guy, not through neurosis but a total sense of freedom and superiority that gave him the right to do so.
Like everyone else I knew I pursued him online as although we had been good friends he vanished to boarding school at 16 and never heard from him again. And eventually someone there told me he'd been killed in a car accident at about 25. He could and almost definitely would have been a famous scientist otherwise, and was a total waste of one of the most interesting people on the planet. Anyway, as he performed with no known consequences, I followed and got myself suspended. Clearly as the leader he was immune from punishment (until he was thrown out eventually and met me at the school where people who got thrown out from there went to) but anything I did was treated the way it normally would. Maybe the staff seemed to be affected by him the way I was as well. But it put most of the girls off pretty quickly as they all thought I was the school lunatic. And in that school it would be like competing for the cleverest person in Cambridge. There was lots of competition.
In among all the attempts one of my solid group of four, who went everywhere and did everything together regardless of whoever else we mixed with, and I latched on to two girls in the lower class. He paired off with one and I paired off with the other, for a week or so at least. Mine went off me soon after while his hung around and seemed more interested in him than vice versa, and we also swapped one day although his one wouldn't actually go near me.
I think I must have told the story how I found her via the school magazine and both of them randomly ended up in New York, and all the pictures she sent me just confirmed what I already thought, and having had all the talkative and demanding women since school have now settled for a quiet one like her who creates absolutely no stress at all. Being in touch with her again simply tells me what it could and should be like with someone who is actually here and available. Knowing we can recapture the past as all work done then is credited (I know enough people who have proved this to be correct) it just takes one from the past or the present and that will be done. And she is proof however distant someone is that people like that do exist and I do not make my standards so high no one can ever meet them. Again it's the intuition working that tells me far more than I can see, and when I do then find more confirms I was right. I'm going to the toilet now, goodbye.
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2 comments:
I hope the lass is reading your blog David. You're an interesting bloke, heaps more interesting, heaps more individualised than most 40-something yearold men. The 'individualisation' gives you charisma, and that's something women rarely find among the great unwashed majority of pot bellied egocentric status anxious mid-life-crisis afflicted blokes of our age. I think it's a plus anyway ... just gotta find yourself a reasonably well-individualised gal who appreciates it. And they're about as rare as well-individualised men. Good hunting, anyway!
Tahsi, I'm only human and can't avoid being affected by the comments good and bad. It's so good to hear something positive, it really makes a difference to me and until the day we can all not need to rely on other's opinions (and would that even be necessary?) we need affirmation from outside. We all have faults but just a few who both choose to focus on them and then use them as a weapon to try and verbally kill us can ruin things, and in effect reflect their own inner life as they clearly see everything around them in the same way and are a lot sicker than me as a result.
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