My working history again

There was a time I blogged nearly every day, but I've had a second blog for a while now on Funtrivia and bore them with the continuity of my normally dull life more often and try and save the highlights and criticism of the worst aspects of life for here. But as I've had rather more free time than usual (no more grandma to visit now), there's more time here and I prefer to create than observe most of the time. On the stage rather than in the audience.
My grandma's house was valued today and is encouraging, and will soon go on the market. They are disputing the estate after accepting our figures for a second time and can basically go and fuck themselves. The fact my mother is a judge, my father a barrister and I have a law degree and all say they haven't a case (which we explained in full detail) fell on deaf ears and rather than do the work before sorting the estate out pretend it's OK and then when you've spent the money come back afterwards. Anyone who thinks this is a free and democratic country have missed something.

This week was free again besides one session, the money is required so welcome, I've taken lots of photos around Golders Green (nothing new there) and done some shopping and had the car cleaned, and that's normal life. Of course doing the same things with someone else add a dimension I rarely see now, (er, sorry Roger but only stating the bleedin' obvious), but still better than being stuck at work which is something I rarely did more than tolerate. I've gone through my work history already (how much is there to look at in ones life?) but basically was limited to part time work for most of it as I was at college one morning a week and no one would give me the time off. I worked pretty hard anyway teaching all over North London (a couple of places a day minimum right till 10pm at times), did one or two evenings a week on placement either in a youth club or counselling, and in my year between courses worked full time from Oxford, came home Friday night, did a couple of hours teaching in a school on Saturday and at someone's house Sunday before going back Sunday night for work the next day. OK it only lasted a few months but could have gone on much longer if the firm hadn't let us all go.

So I'm no stranger to work, although that job was the cushiest ever, the sort of office job I always assumed most were, with lots of banter, crosswords, tea, and all I did was sort and enter papers. I used to think 'wow, I'm sitting here looking out of the window and getting paid for this'- the work I did was essential and basically ended up being responsible for every sale record for a British branch of a white goods company. That was me after a few months as I had got someone's job after they left when I was standing in for them. Every sale had to be accounted for both on paper (I checked and filed them all), and double entered on the computer as well which I did the rest of the time. A monkey could have done both as it was as simple as it sounds, but when one was lost (not by me, by the people further down the chain), it was my job to track it down, and don't think I missed any by the last day. Not many if I did anyway. I took phone orders and helped out on the despatch desk as well once they realised I'd memorised the UK postcodes in location order, so planned the lorry loads and routes as well which was a proper qualified job judging by the staff who did it.

So I rose to my own capabilities as even if you start with a cushy number anyone could do who can count, the fact I could do more and more meant in a short time I ended up with the top security codes or I couldn't locate the missing invoices. When I left college for good in 1991 I wanted a similar job and start a private counselling practice before trying a job in that. My applications averaged 3 a week for 18 months as we had to keep records (I was told I was one of the only ones who did, although nowadays people would lose their benefits for it), had three interviews, was fully prepared for full time work with the only restriction not within the ring road as it is the gate to hell. Most jobs are there as they were located there when London barely extended beyond it and went to work on a horse. The fact London extends 15 miles out now most jobs stubbornly remain within the ring road so the few elsewhere are like gold. In the end I worked for a friend and part time as I said yesterday, and could never do full time again after 5 years, only doing a couple of weeks full time when he was away.

So, I have time and space, do my best not to waste it and fill the space, appreciate where I am and where I go (especially since my health stopped it for so long), and the people I see. But things shouldn't be rationed once you do appreciate them. You'd think with the millions of people within a few miles there'd be others like me and able to locate them and meet up, but you need to live in a small town to do that, we are all lost here in the social desert.

A summary already in 2010

Four inches last night, and that was only the snow. Work has been off as a result (well the appointment I was supposed to have anyway), as has been going anywhere besides the nearest shops. That'll be 8 more days tomorrow as it's not going anywhere before then. It seems in the snow when people can't go out they phone you instead, so whatever I may have done today the phone just kept going from start to finish. Not as if there was a lot else to do but won't know now.

I have however done one intuitive reading today simply as when you're doing telephone work it can come to you. It's part of shamanism and you simply put yourself where the other person is as an empath. I've been doing similar things since I started classes in 1991 and build up what I am able to do as and when it comes. There's little or no doubt when you do it either, you tune in and say how you feel as the other person. I must do it more now. It may even identify the only presentable woman within 20 miles who may be interested in me. I've been playing word drop which arrived a few days ago on Facebook, and suspect I've already reached my limits there but could play a lot more if it was possible to keep improving.

Otherwise nothing's apparently shifted, although what could actually shift now is another good question. The weather is clearly the likeliest, but besides that a few little trips are collecting till it does, one to Staples (wow!), the art gallery for the third attempt to get my money, and some photos in Hampstead. Of course I appreciate them all the more from having to wait, and did at least do an hour's work today on the phone which is paid just the same. I know I'm helping people, I also pushed a huge car out of the snow today as I had to do with my own last week, and the only help I currently need is someone to come over I can talk to. And that's a tall order. The previous visitors included the regular woman who moaned and whinged about her male and female friends and family for a couple of hours and buggered off, a previous regular who talked constantly from arrival till being dropped home many hours later which was only tolerated for the sex in between, and the rare little groups on high holydays (OK, new year and my birthday). Everyone else is a bonus, one dropped in as he returned home from a work placement, only to have a dodgy handbrake and see his car vanish at the bottom of the hill in two parked cars.

The people I visit dropped off suddenly when the main family left in 2002. I do little jobs for someone not too far away from time to time, see the elderly neighbour to hear (literally) her life history in chapters, can't see the other since his ex wife got an injunction banning him from the area after he divorced her, and all the others seem to have evaporated when people gradually moved further and further out so dropping in was all but impossible. If I was asked as well. So without any say in the matter besides my family I hardly ever visit anyone else, my father's neighbours occasionally when I go there, and that's about it. That contrasts with the 70s for instance, the years where I merged with seeing my own and my parents friends all over the area, and most were very posh indeed, million pound (at today's prices) houses, all professionals and many friends much higher status than my own family. I had a knack of meeting public school girls (although I did go myself for a while so not such a surprise) who were related to the ruling classes, I think it was only MPs (right to cabinet level mind you) rather than actual aristocracy, but I did know one woman who mixed with them and dropped names (ie The Queen etc) at any possible chance. The one I actually clicked with was worth millions even then and the main reason her mother banned me as a mere son of a judge as I didn't eat nicely. Her father was a fucking travel agent for god's sake, just a very successful one. In that case money talked louder than class.

I have seemed to drop the nostalgia for a while, I am fully aware of how good things could be then but am focusing more in the present now. I've also linked with some people from school days online as well which does help a bit even though the only one who did meet me was back from abroad for a couple of weeks. I see another at reunions but a bit too far to go and see although I know he's one of the only ones who would welcome me. Mind you he hadn't a clue who I was when I sent him the message, the only reason he knows me now is because I saw him recently although I remember everyone who was at every school in my years besides the nursery. I only remember about half of them. My memories haven't faded and remember walking past the hotel in Paris with my family in Christmas 1961, among many others of the hotel. And that memory helped me memorise cases and laws for three years at college as well as forcing me to become an amateur climatologist now, although I'd rather be a climaxologist or clitorologist. But beggars can't be choosers. If I must study weather patterns so be it.

1000th post

I just spotted this would be the 1000th post since I began just over 4 years ago. I don't see many people keeping up their blogs much over a year but when I find anything I like I keep going. I'm coming up to 10 years on Funtrivia in february and see no reason to move on wherever I'm happy, but not many others seem to bother.

I have to buy a new car very quickly as mine was both damaged outside and inside, but covered by insurance. How I didn't hear it outside my house is amazing but couldn't do anything about that. The rest of the week has been wet till today so did indoors stuff and scanned all the rest of my old photos worth using to Flickr. Then I had to run around over the car today onwards plus the usual business with my grandma's estate. So no gathering dust, and someone actually noticed I hadn't been on Facebook for a few days. I may well be the owner of a new car tomorrow if it hasn't yet been sold but there was nothing wrong with the old one before it was wrecked. I can use it though but beyond reasonable repair.
When I spoke to Jesus he said what would I write for my 1000th post and I said 'What would Jesus do?' Probably preach some ghastly crap which was then distorted for 2000 years until it bore no relation to the original message was my guess, but he was more subtle and said make a list of all the people in your life since 2004 who either passed or failed your tests. So, without much chance of any of them reading this (or working out who they were if they do), here is a rough selection:

1) Every woman I know besides one I tried who told me where to get off. Thanks girls, I won't be sending any christmas cards.
2) All the people I've met online who were just the same as they were in reality. I'm jusy sorry none live less than 40 miles away (most are way beyond) so I can do it more often.
3) The conspiracy to get me out of a job. I'll never quite know why they did it but got what they wanted, at what gain though?
4) My grandma, who carried on regardless as she was 50 years earlier and suddenly stopped just short of her 100th birthday.
5) My cat Lucy who arrived by chance in 1999 and left the world at an uncertain age in 2008 after a very happy time here.
6) All the people I know online who I haven't met, but possibly will if close enough.
7) My friend who did half the work on my grandma's estate (or more) without whom we would have had to waste a lot of money on strangers we couldn't trust.
8) My father's neighbours who have helped me and showered me with gifts over the years.
9) Nick Roach, a very patient and honest teacher.
10) The c**t at the residents association who screwed up my plans and then screwed them up again.
11) All the newspaper editors who got their reporters to interview me and then didn't use the results.
12) The arsehole at the council who ignored my emails and messages.
13) The friend whose work meant I was saved the biggest financial loss of my whole life.
14) The people at Flickr who sent me locations of old signs they knew I'd never have found otherwise.
15) My new friend from Big Brother.
and finally the people who confirmed they were not just as bad as I suspected but even worse.
They wouldn't know who they were or care if they did, which was why I judged them so.

But there is a long list there and like everything in the 'real world' pretty evenly divided between one or the other. The good look down on the bad, from their higher developmental position, and although can see what they do they would never dream of doing themselves, they can do nothing to stop them no more than we can go in the past and teach the savages. They are way back on their journey and we have no way to avoid them hitting us with their primitive weapons based on greed, pride and fear. I tried teaching a few of them and got rude messages in return, but I had to check. And some I thought were better proved otherwise, and others clearly are more interested in kissing ass than doing the right thing. That's the fear element working, for the power element combined with greed. I know I'm only driven by fear, but not to stitch good people up, just to avoid danger. I had 5 years of power on a website and kept more people there while others just booted them off. Very few people needed booting off but they were happy to ruin someone's pleasure for an indiscretion or behaviour they had probably done themselves in a past existence.
So for those with their fingers on the buttons, they don't have to use them. The test is not whether you can but whether when you can you do. Anyone can be given authority but few will use it properly. That is my next article (just needs editing when it's wet again), and then have to find somewhere with more than a handful of readers to publish it. As I always say, if one person learns it's a miracle. And let's hope for many ones.

Not much to report

The last few days seemed to take care of themselves really, I found two more one way street signs and had the arrow going the other way to the one I had already. They are rare. I'm free ahead so far, no grandma to see any more but besides being on my own for longer find plenty to do with the spare time. Nothing special planned work or play, I got to the library on Saturday and got an ad there to be checked at least although the object of my affections was off that day. Meanwhile I keep hearing teachers say our enlightenment is in looking at our awareness and can come with effort, so I still make the effort. They've experienced something I haven't and everything in life will be better if I ever do so not just the best aim but a very easy method to get there.

I still assume everything must be guided, even yesterday I wasn't planning to go on the road with the signs on it but my father wanted to see somewhere there as we were passing it, as soon as I turned right there it was. So if every other thing I want in life comes next the same way I don't actually have to do anything. These signs have turned up either found by other people or just when I was passing them randomly. I can't say I want to find a sign and look in a certain area. Some have more than others but no rules really. And the same for enlightenment. The teachers just turn up in my Youtube inbox and remind me what to do and why. The same thing in many different ways. It's like God, you have no idea what it's like until you get it. Except people are experiencing it here and now and can describe it whereas those who claim to know God have a lot less to claim. And really are probably describing the same thing except in a religious context.

Few of the authorities have replied to me besides the one who are painting the sign. Nothing new there. Nothing else known or expected at the moment but always keep busy if free. That's what I learnt at 2 when my mother started working again and was either left with her while she did paperwork or with my nanny. I made traffic jams across the carpet and then got myself sent to school to keep me busy just before I was 3. Had I known it would last 16 years I'd have held off a bit longer although I did have fun in the nursery school. I noticed the opposite sex straight away and was hooked on two of the teachers who I held hands with in alternate playtimes and one girl I was close to till we moved a few years later. I haven't managed to track her down yet though. I pass her old flat where I went for tea regularly as only live round the corner from where I did back then.

So, it's a blank slate at the moment, the football friendlies have started so may go to one of them sooner or later, and will leave the rest to guidance.

1960s memories

It's funny how memories are like pulling a thread, one comes and the others all follow when you keep pulling. Back to the 60s when I was born, the smells are everyone's easiest route back and it reminded me of a family we knew called the Osterweils with three kids whose house always smelt of poo. Like they'll read this... There were many memories from before we moved from Kingsbury when I was 5, and my mum often went back to the same places after we moved including the hairdressers where there son used to give me copies of dirty magazines while I waited for her to be done. The centrefolds then went on my wall when he changed them over and gave me the old ones. But that was about 1970 and no muff back then so my mother had little to object to.
When I returned to live here in 1995 the shop was still there and only closed a few years ago. The family who owned it then were long dead but a lot of it was the same and I had my own hair cut there a few times.

Back to poo and the story I've probably told already but can be repeated indefinitely. It was about 1964 and my class was in one of the portakabins typical of so many British schools. The walls were yellow and the teacher stopped what she was doing and asked "Tony, are you alright?" "Yes" "Miss there's something on the wall". "It wasn't me" said Tony. It was. There were brown circles smeared on the yellow wall like Chimp art, he'd shit himself and rather than leave the incriminating evidence in his pants decided to do his best to conceal and camouflage it by smearing it thinly on the wall as if no one would notice. That's pretty clever for a four year old really. Unfortunately a couple of years later when I was in the back of my friend's mother's car waiting to pick up his brother I was surprised by a huge weight of turd and had no alternative but release it. I took the silent approach and hoped they wouldn't notice but within seconds the smell was obvious and I ended up in the bath surrounded by brown floating material making its way down the plughole.

I suppose poop is the most memorable area of most children's past, not just my own. Or is it just what I focus on? We went to Bath when I was a year or so older and climbing a stile I saw a huge pool of mud underneath and jumped into the middle as kids would. But it wasn't mud, but my first introduction to cowpats. We had to drive home 100 miles with me covered in it. Of course it wasn't all faecal connections to that period, and of course we had the usual episodes of urinary escapes in the classroom as well. Plus Alan Laurier (anyone know him?) who sat in his chair at school after lunch surrounded by what looked like a ring of snow. Miss Sharp said "Alan, what's that?" "Nothing" "Empty your pockets" and two pockets in his grey flannel shorts emptied the day's mashed potato on the floor from lunch he hid as he didn't want it. Of course that's more of an indictment of the old policy of forcing kids to finish their lunch but made for some good stories.

Obviously we had our doctors and nurses as well, the private inspections when boys visited girls and the public when one or more girls showed boys their equipment in the playground. I was of course fascinated and obsessed with pussy ever since. No better obsession for a man in my opinion. One by one I lost contact with them as we all moved schools and houses, and moving to an all boys school at 9 cut me off totally for 3 years till I managed to escape. Being an only child I was glued to the TV from soon after I was born, Associated Rediffusion channels 1 and 9, Five O Clock club, Watch with Mother, Space patrol, Top of the Pops, White Heather Club, Ready Steady Go, Juke Box Jury and some panel game with Groucho Marx on it. There were many well and less well knowns as well, Wally Whyton, Nadia Cattouse, The Seekers, The Spinners, Fred Barker and Ollie Beak the puppets, Tingha and Tucker with Auntie Jean, Bob Monkhouse on the Golden Shot, up, up, left a bit, right a bit, fire!
Much is now on Youtube for anyone who wants to see it again, and many I hadn't seen since they were last shown 40 odd years ago.

My grandparents had a shop in the West End where I'd sometimes go in the school holidays and my father would meet me for lunch and go to the Old Kentucky (pancakes and a free lollipop) or Lyons Corner House on Oxford Street or the celebrity Vega vegetarian restaurant nearby where many well known musicians (mainly jazz) used to go who my father all knew. Sometimes we'd get the nearby Green Line coaches to Hertfordshire for a few (old) pence each, and although I remember waiting for them and the insides haven't a clue where we ended up. And finally I remember trolleybuses along Edgware Road which I only recently discovered stopped in 1962 when I was just 2. And our hotel in Paris the previous christmas in 1961 where we went with my grandparents and amazed my mother years later when I described the lift man and having breakfast where they'd brought my cereal so they knew I liked it. With clear memories going back to the age of 1 then there's a whole lot of material to get through but these were the highlights, or lowlights I suppose.

Digging into the past

Well the week was making the best of my own imagination. I looked at a map to see various new geographic features for photos and have a list that should take a while to get through now despite getting dark at 4pm for the next 4 months. The phase of being ignored has reached new levels, there's now the TV producer (bit of a waste of space from what I've seen), journalist (no power even if she liked my material), two women (no comment needed) and any other bastard I've forgotten including the twat who booked an appointment and made me sit on my tuchus all afternoon waiting for them to arrive. As it's a personal contact a bollocking is in line.

The most basic skeleton is in place to keep occupied for the week ahead, the photo calls I haven't made yet, a check on my business cards usage and the photo list. Plenty more paperwork if it's raining as well. Dull but for anyone within a family a pretty easy life. But alone is just killing time. Again my clients have deserted me after a while of activity, all together as always. I'll never understand that as I don't get BO and try not to fart too much when they're here. Or swear. I leave that to them.
Meanwhile I've been watching a teenager in Sweden doing psychokinesis on Youtube. I've been watching such demonstrations for some time and he also gives lessons how to do it. I find it easy to spot BS (as with the global warming trickery) and also starting to pick up on genuine people as well, like Rachel who just won Big Brother. That was a great endorsement of my judgement as I picked her after less than an hour. Now this guy doesn't seem to have any funny business either, and if I am correct in my intuition then it implies what he is doing is real. The fakes have helped a lot as once you've seen their videos with hidden hairdryers, magnets and all other amateur magician props, someone who seals an object under a bowl and still gets it to move leaves little opportunity to fake it. Bear in mind it's not a professional digital video that can be manipulated easily, but a home video by a kid in his bedroom. I continue to follow the progress.

I've said before another reason I blog is while most people come home to talk about their day, besides a few tenants who were like the exorcist in most cases I have come home to an empty house for 14 years. Every aspect of negativity I emanate is solely from that as it would for anyone who lived in an impersonal area with no community life or decision to live as a monk. My times were on holiday every year in Devon where although we could and did go out there was enough to do within walking distance to stay there for a month and have enough to do. All the activity of a year in Finchley where I lived was crammed into those visits, and half my friends met there. I was always surrounded by friends (except when they went home before me) and family (three generations sometimes) and can easily contrast the best with what I don't have now. I could also perform as it was a music holiday, and although not my priority still played keyboards (and sang once) for various parties and a couple of small concerts for the electronic music workshop. I even have a programme somewhere with my name on it. And the women there were both intellectual and attractive.

Looking back, besides many I was in love with at the time, sadly only a few were mutual, I didn't have the same record there as I did at home for some reason and tended to get the last resorts. I did meet my first girlfriend there who was top class, another years later but was too big an age gap to go anywhere at the time, and she lived there which stopped it in its tracks anyway. There was the German film star (now not then) who being 8-9 at the time was only a friend, but could still see the quality even then. She hasn't changed that much considering as there are plenty of current photos about. I'd have carried on going if I had anyone to go with, but by 1989 everyone else was married and going abroad with their new families and I was reduced to hanging out with teenagers. No one since to return with or I may still have met someone there, albeit from the other side of the world (Los Angeles, Botswana, plus a couple of failures from France and Italy at least) but plenty from London as well. Nothing like that here though besides one of my schools, and I was kicked out there after 2 years...

So I soldier on within the environment I've been given and it's been a bloody long time since anything good happened. Besides none of the important people replying, all the business attempts have got nowhere either and barely any research. Business as usual, but for how long?

The perfect woman

I have some time on my hands and instead of doing something constructive (I think I may have done enough this week) I came here. Probably as most people have others around to talk to, and I don't. I'm still thinking about the woman from school who after doing the usual fantasy ranking of who would make the best partner came out on top. I reckon if I'm not careful she could find this blog and see what I've done to make her into of an object of worship but I suppose the hints I've already dropped she can probably work it out already. In a couple of years in that school, the first mixed secondary school I went to after a few years locked up with all boys, I was totally overwhelmed by both the variety and the quality of what was there. Of course being 12 meant I had no idea how their minds worked as well as I was so fascinated with their bodies.
I worked my way through attempts at every attractive female there over that period, phone calls, and unfortunately following my mad genius friend Jacob, suggestive comments.

Jacob was literally the mad scientist stereotype, he was American, Jewish and a complete genius. He was the worst behaved person in the class, and possibly the whole school, but never got into trouble. We had a substitute teacher once for English (one who normally worked in the 6th form) and on being told off by her replied 'Fuck this shit!'. Now having taught teenagers myself for 6 years in the 80s onwards found little unusual in this nowadays, but in about 1973 was totally revolutionary. He grabbed girls by the behind and swore at anyone he disagreed with and became the only bad influence anyone has ever been to me. Such a role model, the brains combined with the total lack of respect for authority, was my exact dark side portrayed in reality. Like someone I met afterwards he seemed to have no inhibitions, but unlike the other guy, not through neurosis but a total sense of freedom and superiority that gave him the right to do so.

Like everyone else I knew I pursued him online as although we had been good friends he vanished to boarding school at 16 and never heard from him again. And eventually someone there told me he'd been killed in a car accident at about 25. He could and almost definitely would have been a famous scientist otherwise, and was a total waste of one of the most interesting people on the planet. Anyway, as he performed with no known consequences, I followed and got myself suspended. Clearly as the leader he was immune from punishment (until he was thrown out eventually and met me at the school where people who got thrown out from there went to) but anything I did was treated the way it normally would. Maybe the staff seemed to be affected by him the way I was as well. But it put most of the girls off pretty quickly as they all thought I was the school lunatic. And in that school it would be like competing for the cleverest person in Cambridge. There was lots of competition.
In among all the attempts one of my solid group of four, who went everywhere and did everything together regardless of whoever else we mixed with, and I latched on to two girls in the lower class. He paired off with one and I paired off with the other, for a week or so at least. Mine went off me soon after while his hung around and seemed more interested in him than vice versa, and we also swapped one day although his one wouldn't actually go near me.

I think I must have told the story how I found her via the school magazine and both of them randomly ended up in New York, and all the pictures she sent me just confirmed what I already thought, and having had all the talkative and demanding women since school have now settled for a quiet one like her who creates absolutely no stress at all. Being in touch with her again simply tells me what it could and should be like with someone who is actually here and available. Knowing we can recapture the past as all work done then is credited (I know enough people who have proved this to be correct) it just takes one from the past or the present and that will be done. And she is proof however distant someone is that people like that do exist and I do not make my standards so high no one can ever meet them. Again it's the intuition working that tells me far more than I can see, and when I do then find more confirms I was right. I'm going to the toilet now, goodbye.