Doom, gloom and shit meets fan

Sanity can be stretched to its limits, and hope it recovers as quickly as it's been stretched. I'm still teaching though as all the latest fiasco did was confirm my initial suspicions, and actually affirmed when I read the 4th insight in the Celestine Prophecy. People don't usually mean to be cunts but doesn't stop them doing it. See my teaching as a favour to try and reform these further behind than some one by one.

Other than shit hitting the fan there's little happened this week besides my four insights before I then read them in the book. That's pretty significant and hopeful. But being still in duality am affected by being treated like scum and have no one here to distract me like most people do. Added to that I have only one small plan of taking my old sign book to the library, and beyond that who knows? This week at least was free and in itself is always positive. As I had nothing preferable to do I did exactly what I did, photo trips all over the place, removed my old filthy lounge carpet and got the valuer in to my late grandma's house. Things have been done but besides no longer having the filthy carpet indoors feel I have gained nothing. I have discovered unless enlightened everyone has ups and downs whatever their status. No masters degree, PhD, fame and fortune ever made anyone fireproof as I used to expect, as my clients all demonstrate who are all far more successful and unhappy than me. You can earn a degree but can't talk to it, and have loads of money but again doesn't provide you a social life. And many married people seem no happier with that either. I don't even know the answers to this lot, besides searching for enlightenment, as the basis of suffering is dualism according to every teacher in history.

When you are at the bottom it's natural to look up and think it ought to turn round, but there are no scales on up and down in life, or averages out, so can go down and down indefinitely. But not in my hands. Tomorrow I also have to write a webpage for someone without a computer and the possible library visit, with the final Ashes Test on TV in between. Of course I Streetview all of London in case I find any more old signs until it's all covered, and does work as I found a couple more last week. We all want rescuing from situations as described in fairytales, but one thing life isn't is a fairytale. It has far more in common with the Exorcist than any other film I can think of, and did not at all see that as a work of fiction when I watched it many years ago. It's not like that all the time but is a lot easier to reach than anything positive.

I don't always get inspiration when needed either. It is there at times, I got two ideas to check certain areas on Streetview and had signs exactly where I expected them although one had absolutely no reason to. I have the ability but not constant or frequent enough to help as so far it comes to me, I can't go to it. Doing psychic readings most can do passive quite easily, getting what they are given on a topic. But to be able to answer specific questions is restricted to the very best and something I only just started trying to do. Someone posted that suffering is like washing clothes, you don't beat them to break them but to clean them. Surely there's a better way for people though, I try and clean people by communicating to them, putting them through ordeals, although outside my power to do, certainly teaches lessons to those not willing to listen, but that is karma and I've never seen a scrap of evidence for that, rather personal evolution through effort and then coincidence/synchronicity presenting the lessons one by one. These don't seem related to previous actions but the next step to learn. Quite different.

So I have a growing list of people who owe me a fucking huge apology. One great miracle is to actually get even one of these in your lifetime. Think about it. People believe they are right, hurt someone, find they have, feel guilty, go into denial and spend the rest of their life trying to ignore it. I'd love the chance to apologise to people when I was like that as a teenager, but that was the last time I behaved like that. Another reason I teach as I see why they do it, others see why they do it, and if enough people point it out then the miracles may happen, especially without them having to suffer what they did to you, which seems a childish formula and maybe not even intended by Buddha who is always quoted as teaching it. It would certainly work better than any teaching I give (as I see deaf ears all around me where really needed to be open) but don't trust that system however many people do.