Who really knows?

A bit of a list today, mainly to remind myself. I have now written two articles for the second magazine both awaiting approval, so until I get the verdict will not know the future direction of my writing career. I was up till past 4am last night watching the US election result. As expected the Republicans won the lower house but not the senate, but at least should manage to block any crazy green laws for the next two years. I have as much freedom this week as last, and besides seeing the ex girlfriend both Tuesdays (it all counts) am left to my own devices and so far the two weeks mirror each other pretty much the same. I'm not bored so far though so that is the major difference.

Tomorrow and beyond is a totally open book. Besides some dubious old road signs in Surrey for the weekend nothing else is in the diary, I will probably take the bike for a photo of some houses I thought I'd taken years ago and probably have but can't find them, otherwise will just wait and see. Meanwhile I have found the first known official figures (for California) showing a stable temperature and falling sea levels by the NOAA. Some mistake surely? Or was everyone claiming this to be the case elsewhere now suddenly right somehow? They must be as the NOAA basically make the rules everyone else follows. The next question is will the press take this up or just hang about round here as usual and be forgotten about as a result.

I am also doing what every saint and lunatic has throughout history as something that can't do any harm, having little conversations with God directly as so many books I read recommend me to. Why not? I'm definitely clairvoyant and do receive plenty of random information asleep and awake so if I can start communicating with the sources directly whoever they are I should make a trickle into a strong flow. The old 'shortage mentality' where you think 'surely I don't deserve to succeed on anything so important without almost killing myself' only serves as a blockage to success in any field, in fact it's focused effort rather than force that succeeds and about knowledge rather than sheer strength. And remember there's no such thing as a big miracle, they are all the same so may as well ask for the most as it's no harder for a little one like when I wrote 'two years' the radio presenter also said it, than winning the lottery or shagging Patsy Kensit. Think big, hope big and expect big, and if you get big in return you'll soon get used to it it would come easily. I have seen it work at times but have to keep in the zone and not be put off by other crap which always happens around you, maybe not once you get close to enlightenment. I will have to see on that.

Monday, a week ahead

I seem to have a completely clear run at the moment to test the latest teachings- nothing's happening either way. If I can use a single trick (as I prefer to call them as we are cheating our own minds) to make it look better then I'll have learnt something pretty useful. It's basically having an open mind, and then twisting what I know so far round it may start pointing me in another direction.

So very little more to report, it's another week and should clear the spare room completely first, then work on the next room and at least will have got that sorted out. And for a very rare change I've got little more to say. I've collected quite a bit more over the last few weeks- the main thing being the media career addition, plus a couple more old signs and a few calls to the radio as usual. If I can change this vibration to attract women who aren't severely peculiar and prefer not to have around for very long that'll be the biggest thing I can change, and would probably cover a good few other areas as well. The main thrust of the latest lesson is anything's possible if you gradually shift your vibration to it, as we are creating consciously as god. Not like god but as god ourselves. It's an interesting lesson if we create ourselves as humans, forget we can change everything and spend our lives pissing around seeing if we can remember what we could do already, but if that's the game I may as well see. And I'm not sure I know many other people who even dare to claim they can do this besides the crew narrating The Secret. I have shifted two major issues using their method and the one I'm learning now combines goals with feeling good, which is really what I needed to do more as half the other things don't make that much difference.

This would also take most things out of the realm of grace and into the realm of adeptship. That's more or less witchcraft but I can't knock anything if there's no other direction available any better. I must use small goals to start with or I'll only screw up.

Looking at miracles

One thing I can't see happening is me or anyone else really being that original in their messages here, as besides not wanting to venture into fiction you can only draw water from the same well.
With little on the current system besides a likely venture into published writing in October (more at the time) I look at what's the most positive area I can see, that of miracles, as per the Celestine Prophecy. As there are no small or large miracles (anything which beats the rules of science is large) then they range in nature from seeing myself given gifts in the most complicated methods, where each event depends on the last until it gets there (who played Mousetrap?)- imagine the chances of setting up a similar system where every event around you- people, places and the exact timing came together to set one event off after another until the mouse is caught, not happening once to imply something but at least four times in just over a year and counting?

Then there's the outer teaching, people turning up with information as the next stepping stone, like when I read something the day before I'm asked the answer, which has happened to me for ages. Fuck science, they can't measure that beyond itself so shouldn't waste their time trying to dismiss it. Science is the set of information we can test and see, the rest still exists but just beyond its scope. Do you need a scientist to explain an orgasm or happiness to you? Because of course you know what they are but they couldn't test how they feel. Now imagine only a few people had orgasms, then they'd say they didn't exist. Hold on, we've got things we all share they can't detect, but because they experience them don't question their existence? And they call that scientific method? Please. Good at a few things, crap at the rest in many of these cases.

I reckon sometimes I'm being used to communicate, when I start a track and see myself explaining step by step logic without having thought about it beforehand and getting insights on areas I didn't really know enough to provide then I do seem to be taken over, as we all probably are. I think I can open this up to a point though, especially if someone asks me to for a specific reason. There is gold all around us but many people don't see it if it hasn't been made into jewellery. The next part that mystifies me is how the spiritually aware have as many problems and shortcomings as everyone else. I've mixed with them for years and few are the saintly or omniscient types you'd think from their writings, most are normal people again with one area highly developed but not able to cover the areas which aren't. There's no Superman, Jesus or Buddha around whenever you get a highly developed person. Maharaji is one of the closest who is, having heard hundreds of lectures over the years he clearly knows and understands more than most, and Guri Swami G on Youtube is pretty sharp as well, except when she said gurus are to live in normal surroundings as if you gain enlightenment in seclusion you lose it when come back to society. Then she sent one of her enlightened sages for a week alone in the woods. She also gets people to shave their heads although says appearance doesn't matter as a sign of renunciation. Surely if you're enlightened baldness isn't a requirement to maintain it?

Anyway, great scientists are both prone to crime and stupidity, as I have now discovered. There is one more superbrain as well who is one person able to back me into a corner 90% of the time, mainly as I haven't done enough preparation as few have the brains to challenge anyone as he can. He's sadly been off the radio for years as I've been listening to phone ins for 30 years and Tommy Boyd has the wide knowledge and understanding meaning he can basically rip apart anyone on any subject. But if you're that bright the others tend to think you're mad or stupid as half the time they can't follow what you're saying, partly as you think too fast for most to keep up with and make huge leaps of logic that would take slow steps of explanation before others could get it. Plus the ones which are intuitive and takes ages to back up using actual data. Money and fame certainly don't come from these abilities though, abuse, misunderstanding and arguments do, being accused by all adults from the age of about 9 you think you know everything (as you pick them up where they don't and you do), and are little use as a conventional teacher as if you add your own knowledge you can't prove it.

I hope now I'll go from the amount of knowledge I have of such miracles to use them to tip the balance of my own being from negative to positive. I use the counselling formula, my life till now has been the reason I am where I am and not the excuse, but those are bloody good reasons to be negative. It's not about time and effort like a degree, but just doing the right things. Whatever they may be.

Looking for a miracle

As my last post/s has been analysed and requested to analyse them myself, I may as well do it here. I would be surprised if I'd missed anything but hidden treasure is hidden by its nature till dug up.

You have to start with the facts:
1) My only family is my parents (besides distant cousins)
2) My main friends left the country 8 years ago
3) Besides the odd (definitely) tenant I've lived alone for 18 years
4) I have severe anxiety, had ptsd (if that ever goes away that is), had chronic fatigue so all these mean my boundaries are fairly limited
5) Not one woman in my life has lasted who was mutual, something always wrecked it and all the others either wanted me long term or vice versa, but not both
6) Recent events have been both beyond chance and consistent, a power is setting up things for my benefit, I can see although even one such complex event is almost certainly arranged three or more can't be anything else
7) Despite that the rest of the time is as it was before. If there isn't a miraculous chain of events nothing else seems any different, inside or outside
8) I have learnt meditation and advaita since 1997, meditation works a little sometimes, advaita work has created a trust in the process but no known changes.

So that's the foundation, I've learnt to adapt to the other stuff to keep a reasonable quality of life, but both miss living in a family and of course a woman. Even before the anxiety I could go to all sorts of social groups, and since when in a good phase, but the odds of meeting a woman or even a new friend are very long considering the requirements for both. Throwing energy at a problem is like spending money without a budget. I can go out endlessly but the right people turn up whatever you do in my experience. They're all over the internet but none nearby. Am I or anyone else expected to control even a small amount of this? One person I know says you can regardless, but although I know I can keep myself occupied, find places to go, start and run a business, pass qualifications etc, the other things are nebulous. Not that I don't get out and meet people, I do. But to meet new friends, and who live near enough to see regularly is a tall order.

So I'm trying to control who I see, live with and how I feel. Not an easy task, meditation is the only thing besides the pills that can make me feel better for a short time, and good people seem to come and go like English summers. The rest I can deal with, my media career is launched and may creep ahead shortly. I've always been good with money and isn't really much else that needs handling I can think of. My current life would have been pretty good had I still been in a family, old or new. I've been happy in front of a screen all my life. Many of my memories from about 1962 onwards have been of TV programmes, but also who I was watching them with. I remember being at my nanny's when Camberwick Green started (as my mother worked I spent a lot of time there as well), watching Doctor Who, Watch With Mother and my two favourites at the time, Take Your Pick and Double your Money. Five O'Clock Club, The White Heather Club, Tingha and Tucker, Space Patrol, Juke Box Jury, Groucho Marx on a panel game I didn't know the name of, Criss Cross Quiz, I loved the TV and although not many programmes like them now the internet is a good successor.

So I believe things must be crossing over for me. I was in the relative darkness for some time, having qualified and left home I didn't enter a marriage and new family, but just ejected to survive alone. My second family kept me for 10 years after I was on my own, including providing me with a job for half of that period. Then they left. My grandma was around till last year who I saw once or twice a week, and took to supermarkets, hospitals and was generally available whenever required. Since last year I've seen guidance in my life, read the Celestine Prophecy and seen how it reflects much of my own experience since that point, there are lessons and messages in everything, but the pain is still there.

Only in enlightenment is pain seen for what it really is, until then it's just pain, in every form, and when it goes if it does then it comes back sooner or later as separation is the source of suffering and until enlightened all is separate. But many people in duality do well and can have a perfectly good quality of life which is why few seek enlightenment, but that is clearly the source of true happiness and contentment. If I'm on the bridge from darkness to light then the arrangement may include the transition. Like knowing things by intuition many of the best inventions and changes happen on their own. That's the temporary nature of everything, although the permanent disabilities appear not to be, which is not quite within true Buddhist theory for me. But the bigger picture would say even the disabled cease to suffer when enlightened, and will leave that for the sages to sort out.

So besides meditation and going out as much as I can within my health restrictions, what else could I do while the rest happens or not? I've already called as many old friends I've found and the one who did turn up had just moved abroad, the others were probably dead for a good reason I suppose although I am in touch with many online now. But only a few are still here as people move and quite a few are also abroad. I study all sorts of teaching as always, both for myself and professionally (it's a requirement), and there are only a few different methods repackaged by each one. Lateral thinking is the best for me, as it means you look outside the obvious where there usually is no obvious route. That is a random process and tends to work more by luck than any direct path. And sadly the bottom line is I can't rely on people to help, especially those I know in person. They have their lives, they don't even know how to help if they wanted to. I suppose I know a few things certain people could do which would help but they are the stuff of dreams and don't actually happen when you want, if at all. You can't just ask someone for sex for example however much it would help.

So seeing any potential solution in all this would be a true miracle, I can't see it and if anyone can then they will be a guardian angel.

Empty space isn't good enough

I shouldn't be surprised, but after clearing all the shit out of the way last month I was just left with no shit but no sugar either. Just no. So despite no anxiety over upcoming events I only have what I have, empty freedom. I hoped to feel better simply having a clear life but it really isn't enough on its own, just a good place to start building from. I know exactly what I'm missing and besides just blitzing social events with strangers hoping I'll hook up with some eventually I can't really do anything practical to fix it.

I did work quite a bit last week so not so guilty there's none this week, but still been doing some business on the phone which is just as important. Otherwise it's been checking up on my late grandma's house and shopping. So thank goodness nothing's wrong, but I'm not apparently getting anywhere otherwise besides completing my old sign collection after 2 1/2 years. I still look but doesn't matter now. I have absolutely no plans either, tomorrow I haven't even thought about and will see when it arrives, let alone beyond. Having my first article published will certainly help, covering another ambition but that's ahead yet. My research of all sorts happens whether I'm looking or not, new information turns up sooner or later but unless it affects me directly all seems to be fairly irrelevant otherwise.

So the half a week has been doing whatever I can think of and although I definitely needed a rest would like a little direction or hope as well. I did see a small guidance today when I discovered something I needed to know due to a last minute invitation or I'd probably never have seen it. That was just the little sign I needed to tell me all was on track- it has been ever since it started over a year ago and the short time I thought it had slipped off it showed me it hadn't in the same type of way it had the first. Whatever or whoever directs this film is pretty impressive when awakened, but the gaps between miracles still give the impression maybe nothing's different, although it has to be. It is odd how even when you've found things are more than they seem they are still exactly the same when that element is dormant. Of course I'm not in control of these miracles and may never be, so it's like having a woman and losing them, whatever you know was possible doesn't mean it lasts or may even return in different forms. Except here it's a force outside the known, talked about since the beginning of history but until it's happened to you would seem a fairy story.

So I am trying to contact the source of these miracles now. I've read the whole series of Conversations with God and plenty of the Celestine Prophecy and they tell me this is the next stage of our evolution, and those experiencing it now are the advance guard while only available to adepts till now. But I am slowly running out of time, you don't want a situation like retiring at 65 and not being fit enough to enjoy it. I believe I can't do any more to increase this power (especially as it found me, I didn't make it happen at all) and besides meditating more often I've got few other tricks that could do so from my side. But I can't deny it's there, and presumably all the time as it can tweak things at any time and can't do that popping in now and again as needs to know the whole picture. And it really isn't cheating to call up miracles, it's our heritage which very few have realised in practice. Does a cake taste any worse you made or bought? Calling up any other event is no different from making a cake, you just decide to make a woman or anything else you need and instead of having no direct way of getting them (there are the two lists, those like cakes we can more or less have at will and the others) just do it the same way. I think that's worked that one out right as I wrote it.

So I'd like to have a full communication with this force and then use it to get the things I want which don't come directly in the physical world like cake to all come the same way. Like decorating your house, you choose a vision and create it. I just aim to include as much as possible within that vision as I can see it's possible to happen, and ultimately become part of that force knowingly, as it can't really be from the outside, it's everywhere and everything. The reading has started to become the experience, but only just so far.

The miracles have started

I've learnt that whatever milestone you pass it only affects your life in relation to that milestone. Everything else of course is still the same, so whatever prize (Nobel or otherwise) you gain life hasn't changed in any other way besides any possible benefits the prize comes with like fame, money or women. My road sign search is complete, it's a great relief as I missed the one off my own road and finally caught up but nothing else is different.
I'll deal with it as it is now, you can't do any more, it's still better than it was but all the other shit is still there. Nothing major, just the second level hard work but just about manageable stuff just below the dentist or having to go to a wedding.

So I've got the temporarily clear space ahead, the irritations are further and sure they'll take care of themselves. It's been quite a productive week (for me anyway)- more (in fact virtually the last) of the items removed and sold or given away from grandma's place, a bit of work and almost went on a date. I say almost as it was a date but not in the relationship area. Closest I get nowadays. But although it's more of a physical attraction to me (not much use when that's not on offer is it?) I did find there were certain conditions attached to its return for me, but too high I think for me. The price to pay for everything is restricted, and I think this was beyond reasonable in this case. If it's not the right person you can't offer so much as it'll only end in tears. It was nice to know she is apparently interested though but basically what she wants for any actual progress is more than I can offer. As far as I know.

Meanwhile I've been dropping every issue I have with the world as I come across it, it's not my problem. My life is barely affected by 99% of the things that bothered me, once I saw one I realised I didn't need to care about any of them. Global warming is about seeing how bloody thick many people are and how criminal a minority are who drive it. But it's not my problem. Although it's sadly confirmed people are worse than I thought (OK, an average IQ of 100 is pretty low as it means half the world are below it) it's not my problem. The money they're stealing from me I can afford, I just prefer not to pay more than double for my power than it should cost. But it doesn't spoil my life really. And there have always been pathetic jealous individuals who want to take away everything from other people they don't have, and call it socialism or variations of. As that's breaking one of the ten commandments I know which of us is going to hell anyway.

I feel exactly the same though, bad when it's going bad, OK when it isn't but can be bad when it isn't as well as the past has still affected me. But nearly everyone else is the same so not unusual, just not what I'm aiming for. I know a lot more, have seen how things link up and then start thinking to create situations, as described throughout history. And as underneath inner and outer are the same outer changes are no different from inner ones. They should reflect my own progress and that's in the Bhagvad Geeta. No science but a miracle. And if you have one miracle then they exist, and they keep happening now over and over again. So although I feel the same and react the same I see the world as different as it is. And unlike experience of god these can be seen by anyone around me. Despite being no others know for 80 miles I had two dreams with the road sign I needed, all the others had delivered so expected this to, and did within a short time after looking for well over 2 years, 1 1/2 with the benefit of Streetview. This should work elsewhere now I've seen it complete my first area.

So limbo isn't such a bad place but tomorrow has a short booking in the middle (meaning I don't have to try and find somewhere to wander around with the camera instead) and nothing else known besides a new booking on Tuesday. I'm still Streetviewing, more signs are always good but at least not concerned now as I've got my collection filled. But things should have started heading the same way now as you can't deliver in one area and not in every other?

We are all God

I've surprised myself how creative I've been the last week. Despite only one outdoor photo trip (12,000 makes it hard to find more without travelling) I've made a number of music videos, which improve as I go along, and written another article. And free ahead which is a great relief as well. An old sign just came up in Homerton, a stone's throw from two more I got last year and a right pain to get to but ought to do it. And if anyone from Laura's posse (or Laura yourself) is reading, thanks for adding me, I've been reading some of your stuff and an honour to be included.

I have just read an article on the nature of God, from one who has experienced it. It explains it all. As part of God, then of course we can create everything, as we are the same thing. Did God cheat by choosing how the world was created, assuming that's how it happened? If not then I'm not cheating by rearranging my environment- why take worse when you can have better? I haven't finished the article yet but with out of body experiences you instantly lose body association and are all you observe. You can expand to infinity and experience everyone at once as she did, I've heard of people experiencing this on smaller scales but this woman got the lot. Why so few of us have experienced this is still a mystery as if it's not destined to wreck our and other people's lives by having such knowledge then why do so few people get it? And it's not just people who want it that don't get it, when it happens it often does to people randomly (although there may be a purpose), and enhances every one of their lives permanently. How can you worry about dying when you've seen you carry on elsewhere?

It hasn't touched me yet, I've been working on such an experience for 13 years but barely scratched the surface of meditation experiences. As for any lasting that is really the final stages, till then even the biggest stuff rises and dies. The final state of enlightenment is a constant, and even a glimpse of it (nowhere near myself) is no more than a step. My only step is shifting from doubt to acceptance, once Sage Amrit, a 20 year old Cockney ex drug addict, described it so clearly I got the concept. He's on Youtube if anyone wants to see more, ignore the rough exterior, this guy knows his stuff and I can compare 100 much older and wiser who don't come close to him.

So taking on my role of creator I'd like a woman pretty soon whatever else happens, and until and unless my own enlightenment (many thousands aim, hundreds reach it) would also like to locate a few lost road signs near me this week, get an article published and get on proper TV. I'm some of the way to most of these (except women, that's a yes or no situation, like pregnancy), although the signs are apparently lost forever. But miracles involve going beyond the norm and everything I've mentioned has been in that realm.

Inspiration required

My current task, to convert potential freedom to something interesting. I've done what I had to do today (get a quite expensive memory card fixed for nothing on my camera) and have basically cleared all the expansive vista of shit from the past week and in my opinion did pretty well. The last time it was clear plenty arrived to keep me busy, and one of those times other people have to be as much responsible as me. I've also got the car radio (which I have to pay for) to fix on Tuesday so I can listen to more than one station and that's it.

If the next decade of my life (a month ahead roughly) means dropping the bar even lower for marriage material I may be after blokes at this rate. No, that won't happen but some of the women may resemble them... I mean we all need to eat but won't eat anything even if good for us. Of course we'd die without food so if I had to eat some creepy crawlies to stay alive I probably would, but won't die if I don't share my life with one. And I had another offer, but as women turn down 80% (or more) of offers to them I'm entitled to turn down 20% of the ones I get. Not even a road test here unless it comes gift wrapped.

Tomorrow is the beginning of my new project, fill the space and time. No photos as by the time the cleaner arrives it'll almost be dark, but the one thing I should do is phone the only woman I like who stood by me intermittently for over 30 years before dropping me like most of the others. A final ending there. That's a start anyway, and presumably Streetviewing will continue regardless until every road is covered (pretty close already). Despite the latest and best sign being invisible on it. But quite a few were not and damn useful to have had. Now the other thread that can be tapped (it happens now and again) is miracles. Rather than spread it so wide, I'll go for one type, and a very rare one, people changing their minds.

Now technically I could write another article on this. It does happen sometimes, especially in politics, but not for personal or work decisions. Even I don't very much. Not that I make any that affect other people so rarely had the need to be persuaded. If I was a lot of the time unless the person was a criminal or thereabouts I may give in just to do my bit as a saint. Giving up your own pride to help someone who needs it is the act of a saint as how many times has it happened to you? Not many I'd guess. I have a list of arseholes and twats who have stitched me up badly in the last few years, and the ones I know would be more likely to 'walk up the Strand with their cock/alternative in their hand' (to quote an old rugby song) than swallow their pride and apologise or equivalent.

And have I come across (and still do) some prizewinners. Twat of the century level. If I didn't value my life I'd like to name each one and why here, but those things have a way of coming back and biting you, but basically they:

Called me every name under the sun after I did them a favour and never spoke to me again.
Set me up to wreck my plan to replace an old sign and then insulted me for it.
Pretended he'd fix an old sign and then planned to remove it after I said where it was.
Wasted three of my newspaper interviews.
Sacked me from a voluntary position after 5 hard working years for a reason created to do so.
Wrote a parking ticket after I asked if it was OK to park where I did (having paid for a ticket).

I'm sure there are others but that's a standard selection. That is the reason some put curses on people as there's no other legal way to get revenge, but following Buddhism I see it as their lower nature and move on. I don't think they'll get any karma as sadists always seem to succeed, but it's not my job to reform anyone, that's what miracles are for.

Doom, gloom and shit meets fan

Sanity can be stretched to its limits, and hope it recovers as quickly as it's been stretched. I'm still teaching though as all the latest fiasco did was confirm my initial suspicions, and actually affirmed when I read the 4th insight in the Celestine Prophecy. People don't usually mean to be cunts but doesn't stop them doing it. See my teaching as a favour to try and reform these further behind than some one by one.

Other than shit hitting the fan there's little happened this week besides my four insights before I then read them in the book. That's pretty significant and hopeful. But being still in duality am affected by being treated like scum and have no one here to distract me like most people do. Added to that I have only one small plan of taking my old sign book to the library, and beyond that who knows? This week at least was free and in itself is always positive. As I had nothing preferable to do I did exactly what I did, photo trips all over the place, removed my old filthy lounge carpet and got the valuer in to my late grandma's house. Things have been done but besides no longer having the filthy carpet indoors feel I have gained nothing. I have discovered unless enlightened everyone has ups and downs whatever their status. No masters degree, PhD, fame and fortune ever made anyone fireproof as I used to expect, as my clients all demonstrate who are all far more successful and unhappy than me. You can earn a degree but can't talk to it, and have loads of money but again doesn't provide you a social life. And many married people seem no happier with that either. I don't even know the answers to this lot, besides searching for enlightenment, as the basis of suffering is dualism according to every teacher in history.

When you are at the bottom it's natural to look up and think it ought to turn round, but there are no scales on up and down in life, or averages out, so can go down and down indefinitely. But not in my hands. Tomorrow I also have to write a webpage for someone without a computer and the possible library visit, with the final Ashes Test on TV in between. Of course I Streetview all of London in case I find any more old signs until it's all covered, and does work as I found a couple more last week. We all want rescuing from situations as described in fairytales, but one thing life isn't is a fairytale. It has far more in common with the Exorcist than any other film I can think of, and did not at all see that as a work of fiction when I watched it many years ago. It's not like that all the time but is a lot easier to reach than anything positive.

I don't always get inspiration when needed either. It is there at times, I got two ideas to check certain areas on Streetview and had signs exactly where I expected them although one had absolutely no reason to. I have the ability but not constant or frequent enough to help as so far it comes to me, I can't go to it. Doing psychic readings most can do passive quite easily, getting what they are given on a topic. But to be able to answer specific questions is restricted to the very best and something I only just started trying to do. Someone posted that suffering is like washing clothes, you don't beat them to break them but to clean them. Surely there's a better way for people though, I try and clean people by communicating to them, putting them through ordeals, although outside my power to do, certainly teaches lessons to those not willing to listen, but that is karma and I've never seen a scrap of evidence for that, rather personal evolution through effort and then coincidence/synchronicity presenting the lessons one by one. These don't seem related to previous actions but the next step to learn. Quite different.

So I have a growing list of people who owe me a fucking huge apology. One great miracle is to actually get even one of these in your lifetime. Think about it. People believe they are right, hurt someone, find they have, feel guilty, go into denial and spend the rest of their life trying to ignore it. I'd love the chance to apologise to people when I was like that as a teenager, but that was the last time I behaved like that. Another reason I teach as I see why they do it, others see why they do it, and if enough people point it out then the miracles may happen, especially without them having to suffer what they did to you, which seems a childish formula and maybe not even intended by Buddha who is always quoted as teaching it. It would certainly work better than any teaching I give (as I see deaf ears all around me where really needed to be open) but don't trust that system however many people do.