Celebrity rectums

Error on page, using HTML. Never mind, at least I'm used to it. Well some time and wind have passed, my routine has continued more or less, photos most days although not today, I was about to despite the rain but my front tyre packed up and ended up with two as the wheels were crooked and wore them out. At least they did it in record time and with discount. I got some nice ones yesterday though, including a typical British station, without a train.
Since the laptop was reset I couldn't get the firewall open and the new one banned a quiz from entering the scores today, I think a trojan horse would do less damage than the programs designed to protect them. And there was no crap on the machine a month after running it with no protection at all. A moral there.

I think it could have been 3 months since anyone commented here but I do know 10 people a day come in on average so someone must like my description of a repetitive life with reactionary opinions and toilet words thrown in. I'd like to hear or read news that mentioned farts, mucus, enemas, suppositories, vaginal douches and skid marks I'd buy a paper every day. I suspect a few others would as well. Meanwhile I am still waiting to see my 3rd TV showing as the delays are stacking up and the latest is it's going on the internet probably next month but with free access which I call a monumental compromise. Better than a kick in the arse and that's as far as it goes.
This week only has a little work booked in, the rest who knows. I may go and buy a second pair of glasses as my only spares are for distance and if I knacker these I won't be able to read without using my old ones instead. The cost is the issue as I was told the discount place is unlikely to make them as they are so complex. I'll take the camera if I go but won't take the optician's. And I've taken more photos round there than anywhere, although one I took on Friday got the first Flickr award in over 2000 entries. It was a good one which I had decided already.

I'd like to see stories about celebrity clitorises, incontinence, nose picking and other more interesting items than who they're shagging and how rude they are to the people around them. Not Helen Mirren's Russian family but the fact she struggled with stress incontinence throughout portraying the queen. How Dame Judi Dench is determined to get the word 'smegma' into her latest role. Masturbation secrets of the greats. That's another fascinating one. Nasal secrets of the stars. Do they lick, roll, flick or wipe it under the chair. If they have to keep going on about many people with less talent than anyone with 5 O levels (it girls, models, Paris Hilton etc) at least tell us stuff about them we may find interesting. I think there may be an untapped source of wealth for anyone with the right connections. And they could always make a film of it. It wouldn't get an Oscar but would probably make more than the ones that did. Just a theory.

Global madness

Despite enough evidence to convince a panel of scientists, the politicians grind on with the CO2 led lies to tax us to poverty, curb third world development and promote lethal nuclear power. So what other lies can they feed us once enough public have reached the tipping point of disbelief?

Global nagging. The fear kosher wine released into the water supply will turn us all into Jewish mothers.
Global wetting. The theory too much greenhouse gas will make us incontinent. Far more scary than rising sea levels I think.
Global winding. The more we fart the more the earth heats up. Hang on, they have said that already.
Global wandering. Do as they say or you'll all get Alzheimers and then we can tell us whatever we want and you'll believe it.
Global impotence. Turn your lights off or all your dicks will go soft.
Global lying. Sums it all up really.

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Sanity returns, other news I had my second Funtrivia site meeting after over 2 years from the last, a very nice one to one this time after 8 last time. It's really like meeting celebrities as you get to know both well from a distance and rarely meet in person, but feel you already know them well. More so as we actually talk to each other there as well. And someone there actually asked to look at the site so maybe I'll get my second recruit in 7 years. I hope so anyway. I should finish my roll of film tomorrow and get the photos out by next weekend. On a totally different topic I just saw a screen name worthy of use by me had I a) not had one already and b) actually thought of it, Ewar Woowar. That is a Big Brother moment from 2003 when Scott said why are there so many Ds in Edward Woodward, the answer being Ewar Woowar would sound stupid. Cameron pissed himself laughing for about 5 minutes and I was rolling around on the floor as well, possibly since seeing South Park the movie some years earlier.
I tried to see the man himself at a theatre during rehearsals but though he was absent Ann Charleston of Neighbours (Madge) and Crossroads was there and we had a nice chat. When big stars do local theatres they often share the public area and you can sneak in and see them rehearsing, which is far better than sitting through a whole play. I prefer to see them as themselves in person and act on TV. More like an interview I suppose.

Until (ha ha) I become a celebrity meeting them has to be the closest, and Harry Hill, Big Brother housemates and Araya Mengesha (not famous here but pretty big in America) who came to my house to interview me are a start, as well as Patrick Stewart and Sue Johnson (Brookside and the Royle family) rehearsing. I've also been to 3 celebrity houses, Richard Attenborough, Donovan and Stanley Kubrick, though none were around at the time. But I did visit Jim Henson's office as he required his deliveries personally so we had to put them directly in his hand rather than reception, and I saw a room the size of my lounge with people assembled like a medieval supper around it making muppets out of material. It's all done in a tiny shop in Hampstead and this is one of the most productive TV workshops in the world. No idea if it's still there since he died but no reason why not. He was very nice to me as well, unlike some I've had to visit or come across while working. I've worked with many celebrities through delivering, working in a music shop, sports shop and prop hire company but am still scratching on the door of fame myself. The money would be a bonus, and the women.

Competition

OK, I'm not really being fair and realistic comparing myself with someone over 20 years my junior, but my fellow blogger still seems to be living 3 lives at once and though I did a lot more at his age I've never come across anyone who does that much. But in competition at the ripe old age of 47 with no family or children to get me out and about, I am at the phase of looking for inner peace and happiness and unlike many people who endure the same cinemas and theatres all their lives (are there that many?) I overdid that and more or less wound down in my mid 20s.
Then at mid 30s, thanks to Barnet being promoted, I started going to football regularly which continued almost to 2005, though I reached a similar point after over 70 matches, about 60 within 8 years, that I'd become more interested in collecting new teams than watching matches. I want to see Arsenal reserves and Barnet again sooner or later but have had so many illnesses recently I need to be fully fit before I go. Around the same time I started spiritual lectures which also continued almost to the present day, mainly as I doubt there is anything new left to hear and prefer to practice what I learned in the last ones than keep adding and get confused.

So really I have been far from out of it, just felt like I was. Now I see a supermarket as a major ordeal, but apart from frozen meals the new grocers who sprung up near me (after losing my 24/7/365 Budgens I relied on for years) are the same prices so no need to care. My last year's activity has been digital photography, over 1100 pictures on flickr, many printed and well over 100 of the best in 2 hardback albums. Then I began my real ambition in 2005, being filmed for TV. I always wanted to be on the stage rather than in the audience, and apart from a week or so in an amateur production of Oliver in 1973 I have performed for small discos as the interval entertainment and sung at a comedy performance when the main act didn't turn up. Now I've been on TV around the world twice and will have an online performance (boo!) next month, the link I will add as soon as I get it, though sadly it will be subscription so don't bother.

So from going to watch other performers I also switched to meeting them or at least watching them informally. I have met and spoken to Harry Hill, Madge from Neighbours (Ann Charleston), four Big Brother housemates, Dave Bassett (football manager), as well as watching one of my top heroes Patrick Stewart rehearsing with Sheila from Brookside in the last few years. Behave our Barry!

So I think I have pretty well fulfilled and compensated for one phase ending and added some pretty useful activities instead and am now waiting for the next theme to take over especially as I'm running out of photos to take. But looking back on this entry I don't think I've been too slack the last few years however few places I actually seem to go to. Maybe that's just an illusion.