Working with paranoiacs

If I was in the gym now I'd say I'd hit a plateau. I got a load done yesterday- all important stuff here, haircut, house insurance negotiations (hundreds of pounds involved in a single call), shopping and the usual networking, and totally run out of steam now. I went on a dodgy local photo trip today, it poured the minute I left and then the phone went and was kept on all the way there and back, the house I wanted to take had been rebuilt like a prison and took a wrong turn and sat in traffic for nothing.

I am however now pretty much officially a global warming campaigner, I am not the only one organising a coordinated effort and the main point of mine was to get everyone working together, which has now begun happening. The fact people are dying of cold and starvation from the low carbon economy (read pre-industrial, with extra taxes) is enough for me to work at it regardless of the insults I get daily, as they are simply wrong in any way you look at it and currently literally getting away with murder. Hitler convinced the Germans the Jews were responsible for everything wrong in the world (as many still believe), the Soviets convinced the world they had a wonderful country till Stalin's purges became public, and now they're at it again with global warming, blaming all of mankind. Revolution has always followed a long period of subjugation and revolution they will get.

So when I'm in a plateau, a dead zone or whatever other nautical or navigational metaphor you can think of, my resources are limited. Bear in mind limited energy and anxiety only allow options within certain boundaries, and although I'd be unlikely to drive 50-100 miles just for the heck of it any more it also avoids some social activities locally. These change over time so not permanent by any means, but if I risk going outside them I know the result. Not worth it. But I've been guided twice now outside the road sign area, it can affect every part of my life and I know my ambitions and may get one or more at least. But maybe there really is an intelligence behind all of this and allowing us to live an adventure, and then start helping when it gets off track too far. Films are written with an ending, but life isn't, but when you start seeing whole sections that could have been scripted you start to wonder.

Another thread to the guidance is what many best selling spiritual books say, we are given a lot of our information explaining how we get ideas and no idea where they came from. No coincidence I suspect. My work against global warming liars seemed to happen quite outside my wishes, I just realised when I saw a report once that it couldn't be right as any such evidence would have rung alarm bells in any legal trial yet the scientific community are so above everyone else in understanding they can both write any old shite they like and be trusted for it. But predictions are the line that must not be crossed. The further ahead they are the worse, and by setting up a scenario we can't even prove in our own lifetimes they've totally shown the paucity of their plan. We can't predict climate, full stop. We know of certain cycles that happen every so many thousand years, and they are reliable but not in their magnitude or timing. Ice age, short warm period, ice age. Right from day one more or less. Can we change that? Hell no! They are relying on trust and ignorance, so those with neither are stuck as fighting a load of scared children who think we're mad as 'the sky is falling! Can't you see ?'.
Well I've worked with schizophrenics and this is like having half the world afflicted, it's bloody hard work just for an hour or two and this is like landing on planet Paranoia. I should get a bloody Nobel Prize I reckon...

Another week ahead

Well despite having barely any plans I've been pretty busy. A booking was cancelled on Saturday which meant I could go to the annual school reunion for the first time since 2005. I did go most years but after no one carried on going who I knew I stopped, was working last year and wanted to check in this year again. Same two hard core people only, second worst turn out ever but at least I was there. I kept Streetviewing despite having nearly every reasonable sign on my list within 40 miles, and found a pair (at least) on the arse end of a shitty estate I went to a couple of weeks ago. The illegible sign was a new one and the others repeats but must be thorough and did a couple of others again in daylight as they look better.

The week is free ahead besides clearing grandma's house, which will take some time. I hope to check the roads in Cheshunt as Streetview doesn't stretch more than 15 miles from London so I still have to do many places the old way. I missed the library trip on Friday as it closes at lunchtime but now know only Tuesday Thursday and Saturday are any use for me. It was too hot last week to do the front garden so will be on that next, and the rest is a mystery. No more thank goodness from the nutcases but that is usually their nature. If you live in a fantasy world hopefully most of the actions are fantasy as well. He says...

But most of the guidance has been working as each possibly dead day has been filled one way or another and anything ahead should follow the same way, and hopefully extend over every other area besides old signs.

Mental illness analysed

It was 955 posts already to the last one, not 916, they've really mounted up. Just get that correction out of the way. I was just reading something that reminded me how much Jewish humour is centred round mental illness. I said that people aren't bipolar, batteries are, but they fixed them when they started adding lithium. That is a typical example. Woody Allen made his millions purely by expressing neurosis, Seinfeld, the new series I love the Big Bang theory taking the mickey out of autistic spectrum disorders, and most of my own jokes since starting school. The world is a threatening place and anyone that sensitive reacts in ways that can only be joked about otherwise we'd all pack it in.

Jews don't get drunk as a rule, if they suffer they either complain or make jokes about it, usually a combination of both. I carry on this tradition and was so interested in mental health I made a profession treating it, as a calling. We are trained to see the funny side of problems so the sufferers can, although I don't laugh or make fart jokes as I would if not working. They do have boundaries. Maybe if I set myself up as the childish humour cure and made cracks about wetting pants, skid marks and opening the window maybe it would distract some people from their problems enough to distance themselves from them. Or maybe not. So I do it here instead. And everywhere else. But technically mental problems are only funny as an observer. If you have them they are no fun at all even when we make fun of ourselves. I'd rather not see crowds as threatening or travelling as a potential for disaster but if I can tell stories about looking for public toilets or queuing for hours to change flights home it can make it sound almost dramatic. In fact these experiences are hell, being stuck in any situation you can't escape is the ultimate driver of severe stress and easier to spend your life avoiding it rather than ever become immune to it, if that was even possible without tablets.

So although we can joke about counting cars and road signs and memorising phone and car numbers the actual reality is besides being able to recall lists from about the age of three, there is no other benefit in having a sharp mind as the rest means we notice every event and feeling and can't turn the reactions down. It also drives genius but in a world generally driven by averageness and mediocraty most people are prepared to put up with almost anything while we few can't bear the slightest discomfort, like the princess and the pea. But while royalty can just about escape the real world we are in the middle of it, and besides turning down 99% of invitations and avoiding half of the areas we live in then we are totally exposed to it all, worms and warts. But take away the heightened awareness and you become a zombie so hard to win. So make jokes about being stuck on the motorway, visiting psychiatrists, side effects of tablets etc but it's the price many of us seem to have to pay for our greater awareness of everything. Each time I read a list of famous sufferers from mental illness I wonder how many actually didn't have it.

So to conclude the story, my friends past and present include (at least) three bipolar, two psychotic depression, three paranoid schizophrenics, two depressives, an epileptic, an anxiety disorder, and probably quite a few more I've lost track of. Some also have none of the above and strangely enough tend to be the ones who disappear while the others are usually happy to hang around. I wonder if anyone else who hasn't actually met their friends in hospital as many do has the same collection or somehow I seem to have been fed these people, even though most had nothing wrong when I met them so can't say I had any part in it. I can't see my anxiety changing as it's no less part of me as my eyes, unless enlightenment is real and happens to me. Now if I became enlightened and kept it then I'd be a real curiosity, although I don't think it's meant to be possible to have both. Yet...

Keeping busy again

Before I get into my stuff I just heard the latest unemployment figures on the news. Up of course as you'd expect. Now coinciding with the new blitz on benefit claimants, the government have declared war. Not only have they attacked those least able to defend themselves, the sick and incapable, they have done it when the job market is shrinkig drastically. I don't like revenge but believe if someone has to suffer what they do to others it is more like a lesson, or karma. So if Gordon Brown got kicked out, had a breakdown and then had to do tests written by him to claim benefits he may realise what he's actually done. And he knows what he can do with the 2.5% (temporary) VAT decrease. We are being run by heartless sods of all colours politically and would be far better off without them at all. Except possibly Boris Johnson who is moving towards the decent side. There's always one in every pack thank goodness.

I've been chasing up old road signs over a week now, and got 30 different ones now. A few had gone too soon for me to find them, but got the majority and am now left with a final set in the bloody congestion charge area, meaning I either go at the weekend or pay. If I wait till it gets dark after 7 some may no longer be there so that's not an option. But I've done well but wondering what will come next to keep me busy. And weirdly although I've never been contacted first on Friends Reunited in 8 years I was at the weekend, and guess what, twice in the same day! So no one ever contacted me and then two did together. Usually happens to me and many others, far too organised to be random in my opinion.
So besides a trip to Holborn which would have been easier in the summer when I could go after 6 I have got a great collection of rare signs but little left to do now. Things usually turn up, just now when the one TV programme of the evening finished they had a topic about meeting people online on the radio so I called about that. I hope that trend continues.

I'm still learning all sorts of things about human nature, how easy it is to con the public as most believe whatever they're told, and the nature of the evil who carry out these cons. Patterns are everywhere and people can be sorted into types in all aspects. Youtube demonstrates the polar aspects of this as people have no inhibitions, and unlike here there is no pre-moderation so they can and do hit and run. Like schizophrenics who tell me the same voices tell them the same things all these guys seem to be possessed by the same evil but from an inner source. I am learning to deal with them as well as they are the same people who blow up innocent people in India and Iraq but only do what they think they can get away with. One threw a rock at me once on a station platform and many make rude comments while I'm taking photos. All from the single mould of pure evil. Anyone who remembers the last idiot here in my comments box will have seen an example as well. And that was the tip of the iceberg as you can imagine. Most people wouldn't dream of going up to someone either in public, in their house or online and call them names but here it's easy. The relative few who do it are the same who gassed Jews in concentration camps, broke their windows before the last war, and drive with mobile phones in their hands. Big, small, the crime is the same. It is born of evil and expresses itself in the same way however large the offence. The attitude however is the same.

On balance good is there as well, and animals are nearly all good before you start on humans. A rogue animal is rare and if you treat them well they treat you well. People could learn a lot but I fear some are intrinsically unable to understand other people matter so can never be corrected to learn. They call it levels of psychopathy, and the variation is how far they are prepared to go. But the good people are seemingly unable to cross that barrier whatever happens so you can normally rely on them as you can on your pets. But I'd always be more inclined to lend a cat money than a person if you get my meaning. There are far more shades of grey in humanity though.
So the next few days remain a mystery. One photo trip fucked by financial considerations and darkness. And the traffic is just as bad there as it was before from what the reports say. So I'd have to pay somehow (no idea where or what I have to do) and then suffer the jams I haven't experienced since early 2003. OK I'll be glad when I've done it (besides having run out of places to go) but it would be a lot nicer if I could just do it like all the others.

Well a bit of everything today, a week's activities which took me from Enfield to Banstead. But none a patch on the hassle the Holborn one presents to be. Maybe I am wrong but time will tell.

Psychiatric thoughts

Having spoken to another member of my meditation group last week was inspired to return to that path, and am now hopefully going to do it more often and as a result have to rely (which can't be done) a lot less on the world outside and more in the inner. Of course everyone who takes drugs knows you can feel better by tweaking things, but they do it by changing body chemistry directly which is like putting piss in your petrol tank. If they knew about meditation first and tried it many would do that, as some do on the drugs programme by my group. But the point is there are ways we can feel better and meditation is the only one that's safe. I suppose in India, where my guru comes from, this is like telling your grandma to suck eggs (you blow them, how many people knew that?), but over here in the west most people think it's weird and then erode their organs and mind with drugs for the same purpose.

Now whether the course I took means the lectures are as important as the methods is known more by the teachers than the students, but it's what he found was better when he tried both ways. Otherwise he'd just tell the world what to do, and no doubt most would either ignore it or give up after a few days. People do say sitting down for an hour a time is a lot, but we don't think so. It's the same biblical seeking the kingdom of God, then all else will be revealed, but the church have done their best to obscure that message so most followers haven't a clue what it means.

Meanwhile the outside world has been reliable in its misery. The word is tolerable. Everything's just OK, but nothing's good. No people, no work of any sort and no decent news. I just spoke to my neighbour who confirmed the unnatural position of living alone, as the first thing she said was how tough it is doing everything in a house yourself with no one to share the tasks or companionship. If certain people think I'm weird this is more or less why. It's far better to talk to a screen than talk to yourself so that's what I do. And being an only child with working parents at the time the weirdness began very early. I was put in front of a TV much of the time and left to my own devices. Or farmed out to a nanny or babysitters. No company of my own age when I wasn't seeing my friends, so I got involved with my parent's friends as soon as I could hold a conversation. Some resented it and others included me, but it meant I never really socialised with anyone in my own generation on a continuous basis.

As for the psychology, my parents had the Dr Spock book, it was one of the first I read, and followed by as many medical and then psychiatry books I could get hold of. By 13 I had a full student library and only switched from the body to the mind when I had to visit my friend in hospital. Then I found friends started telling me their problems and I knew the answers, and they were sorted out in one long phone call most times. I thought I'd like to get paid for this. Years later I started my counselling course, and went to a clairvoyant on the way home once. She said 'You're involved in healing people' as soon as I walked in, and then went on to describe a German doctor who was my spirit guide, exactly the same sort of character I thought of helping me when I was in trouble.

Here I'm allowed to be free and take the piss, as when working we can't (although at times we'd all like to), so I let it go here. I've seen others who do exactly the same via the links, and why not? But besides being mixed up, as most clients are, a few people are just nasty. They won't be going for counselling as they cause others to need it, and some of my clients suffer such as partners, parents and bullies at work. I can pick it up pretty quickly and they now call it 'personality disorder', which is a mild and incurable form of psychopathy. Anyone diagnosed as such is left to one side as they believe it's innate, although some can learn sooner or later through life experience rather than any outside help. The internet lets me loosen up and them spread their hate as wide as they can, so inevitably we'll come across them here as Youtube comment lists display perfectly. I said minority but looking at the almost identical comments there on nearly every video, good or bad, does make me wonder if we really have a demonic issue here. Bear with me, I sometimes work with schizophrenics, and the expectation of delusion is their random nature. But they aren't. They share a small common group of scenarios and the voices tend to say exactly the same things the comments do on youtube.

There are a few possible roots to this, and telepathy is one. Like mediums claim to contact the dead, I say they contact the living and search their memories without them knowing it. If psychopaths can transmit their thoughts to susceptible people (as my friend insists 30 years later since she says it started) then maybe the hate isn't just direct but transmitted universally. Their drugs drop their sensitivity down to near normal, but maybe the fact most share common messages and delusions it isn't such a random mania as the books claim. Psychiatrists don't listen to what the voices say as they dismiss them en masse, but when you do the similarities are unavoidable. It is just like posession, but by the living, and not even known by the ones sending it. OK, this is just one theory, but the fact I now read comments all over youtube and elsewhere that are straight from the minds of the worst paranoids, it amy lend some more support to a common source of evil thought that affects victims both physically and spiritually.
I hypnotise sufferers to send the voices away or if not turn down the volume the way the drugs do, and it usually works. But now, because they are free to say it unchallenged, I hear exactly the same filth sufferers hear all day long sometimes here. And it is so similar wherever I go it's just as if it's coming from ultimately a single source.
I may escape through meditation but we need a lot more to stop it spreading generally. It's not a nice trend and I also used to see it as a teacher and youth worker, and if one child has it half the others will follow. And it certainly wasn't like that 20 years earlier.