I'm not suffering if I can help it

Search me, but I do feel like I've entered a new level at 50. I will see. I put a heck of a lot of work into the last decade, whatever some people think. As there is no formula for finding women after mid 20s when the good ones get hooked up I can still count plenty of attempts on the system, nearly all turned down. That wasn't my fault. I also went to a whole heap of spiritual lectures and courses, gained a few qualifications there as well and practice a number of the things I was taught. Although I often mention the things I can't do, when I'm doing well there are others I can. So with or without effort we all deserve success if we haven't done any harm. Effort is fine with exams or paid work but for personal ambitions it's more being in the right place at the right time and knowing what to say.

I do feel so far most of that has been wasted for me, although I know it helps others who can use it for their own problems. So many healers and therapists suffer more than their patients, and is probably due to their sensitivity that allows them to understand others so well. But it doesn't stop us doing the work, we just suffer as well. I need someone to look after me, not because there's anything wrong with me but I believe everyone does, or why would marriage exist? The last few decades of my life could be better if I settle for almost anyone rather than keep waiting for someone I actually choose. Of course then they can turn up, probably within days, as that seems to happen nearly every time. No Russians, Thai, or Ghanaians for me. Besides the Thai women nearly all the rest are simply coming here to rob you and bugger off with a new British passport. No thanks.

Today actually turned up another old sign on a road I rarely use and must have passed driving the other way and missed it last time I looked. Only another road number but one I haven't got already so useful. And I only found it as I made a mistake and took a wrong route meaning a 3 mile detour exactly where it was. Who made that happen? Not me, I know that. Now if that force can take me over more and show me both where the remaining signs are and get me where I want without having to suffer for it (eg meeting the celebrities in the photo book without visiting a restaurant, my equivalent of prison) and I have suffered quite enough already so no reason to experience it to show me any more. The theory is once we know suffering we no longer need to experience it to know the opposite. Those who do are guaranteed to become ill physically and/or mentally as it's not continuous suffering required for success and to remember the contrast with pleasure, but a sample of it. I've had enough samples to fill an olympic pool anyway.

I had 11 very nice people over for my 50th birthday, they all got on well and knew them between 2 years and a lifetime (theirs as I was a bit older). I hope some go on to see each other again, a few met for the first time but most were regulars. I may not see any of them very often now but at least they're still around and just the same. The odd thing is I think besides one woman (no comment here) none live less than a few miles away so can't just pop over like I used to in the old days around Golders Green. Most friends lived within half a mile when I was at primary school, then a couple of miles at secondary. As I saw a few since then I never had any trouble, even when I moved as I was used to going there already. None at all left now. Many in the past vanished just leaving London although possible to visit once or twice a year. But if they moved back it was back to normal. It's just not convenient to see friends once they go beyond a certain point, and they clearly agree as it's as much for them to come here as vice versa. But quite reasonable not to. One reason I want to return to civilisation is where I live now is not the professional intellectual oasis that is Golders Green. Plenty of reasonably nice people but not the sort of material I'm used to.

So I see possibilities ahead of me. Even with no plans today I managed something useful, and hope the momentum keeps up. And literally every day now more IPCC 'mistakes' come out. The latest is the mountain ice data was purely from interviews with mountaineers. Very scientific backgrounds and considered anecdotal evidence, the sort dismissed unless corroborating something real. Anecdotal evidence alone has no function in science yet because they are political, not scientific, it was quite valid for that. Bear in mind scientific findings don't need to be twisted or exaggerated. I'm not aware of any modern scientific theory that's had to do that to get it past whoever approves it, so why do this lot need to? Good question?

This was my week.

A few reasons I haven't popped in for a while, firstly (a good thing), I've been pretty busy doing other things and secondly (not so good) none were enough to bother to report at the time. But it's the end of the week and I can both say I took 3 more lots of photos even though it was getting dark, and otherwise just getting on with things, waiting for a couple more TV programmes to air soon (so I'm told) and wondering what to do about the last woman left in the system. It's not like I have any options except yes or no, there's no opposition to choose from. Other than that at least what started as an unplanned week was busy, no stress for a change and seem to have done a pretty successful healing, once I follow it up to check.

This colour must have been available all the time but I've only just found it, and is possibly my favourite so far. The other thing that kept me occupied was Facebook, something I knew nothing about but has sucked half the people I know into the last month. No idea what started it off but I've done almost as much connecting on it as I did on Friends Reunited, except of course women usually use their married names so little possible to find on that side. But it's busy and I have got in touch with a number of people old and new and if they cut out all the poking and other assorted nonsense I'm sure we could just stick to gossiping and similar. It also fills the pages with so much stuff it takes all day to load some of them.

From now onwards I still have no plans really. My spare glasses are taking longer than last time, it gets dark by 4pm and will do for another 2 months plus, and do at least have a few indoor stuff set up for the dark days. And maybe even try and flog some more albums as well as order the latest one I loaded up but haven't arranged yet. Meanwhile the arrangement in life is showing itself constantly, I regularly get obscure quiz questions which repeat on TV or the radio within a day and when I wanted to set up a meeting including my alien abductees they both contacted me to come overshortly the next day. We are all being taken up in this one at a time, and although there's no apparent purpose that's shown itself yet in it all at least it means either I am doing it all subconsciously or there is a higher power able to move life around at will. Either way it means there is a control behid the scenes and can only hope all my ambitions will work as a result. I have realised there's no virtue (quite the opposite) in suffering ordeals for success. All this jungle nonsense in I'm a celebrity does no mean doing a parachute jump or eating bugs qualifies anyone as a success. You should either do them as you like it, are paid well or not at all. I now see no credit at all in having to go through anything in life in order to score points and raise your status.
Passing qualifications is different, and can be hard or easy depending on your abilities, but an degree you found easy is no less valid than others who found the same one hard. I already read we should lose all pride in any suffering, like illness, or we'll just keep on getting it. Same for any crap. I no longer believe I need to do one more thing to show 'I have' ever again. If I do anything ambitious like a holiday or a show it'll be because I want to, not because I want to prove something. That's what they call bad medicine and equates success and growth with suffering, which is the opposite to how it should be.

Please God my life now changes to reflect the new decision never to take on any more stress to grow, and the rest can be fun and just go with the flow. Believe me I think I've had a full quota of the brown stuff already.