Working it out.

My latest theory- the more people do the less time they have to blog, so unless you're a born writer like me I think you're going to find many people blog as they have too much time on their hands. Maybe I'm wrong. I had plenty today, just before I was going to leave I had the call the builders couldn't work as it was raining so with maybe an hour of light left had to think what I could get to I hadn't done already (five years with the digital camera) and realised I can make videos anywhere, and did a quick circle to Wembley Park. I then dropped in at the Co Op and as luck would have it the resident comedian actually liked the idea of being filmed so ended up with him as well. He's been entertaining customers longer than I've lived here this time round, although I remember when the counter was the bank and the tills were somewhere else. So for the third day running I'm meant to be meeting the builders tomorrow and working in the evening.

Thank goodness the Falun Gong originally in a book is now online so I can do all the exercises properly and easily, as you can't turn pages while learning them as well. It's one more thing to do and work on and may do as much or more than anything else I try. Meanwhile we've been put in the ridiculous position of being told something will happen within a few months (randomly) with the Wikileaks ufo reports, but not when exactly. The speculation is growing and with the poor bloke being locked up without charge (remember this is Britain, not Cuba or China, so can now see how little difference there is when pushed) makes me worry that his organisation will follow, and possibly before the only possibly valuable item has been released. Do they really need to flood the media with what is now considered meaningless and irrelevent unfiltered guff the media have now quite rightly stopped reporting while he's already said he's got something people actually do want to know. I carry on with business as normal as no alternative but is a bit of a mess.

Regarding the earlier comment about changing thinking, as usual when faced with what can only be interpreted as a cliche, I've worked out that our thinking is nearly all based on information. The only way that can improve is when we know enough to understand what's going on. The only faulty thinking besides a few easily identified bad habits is based simply on not having the information to know what you need to so naturally worrying about it as a result. Blaming the wrong people (especially yourself) or blowing up the possible chances of disaster a millionfold (my personal favourite) would instantly vanish should we know the truth. That's not a fault with the person or how they think, it is just not possible to know what they need to to relax. That includes what is and isn't possible and what does and doesn't work. Meeting women for instance. Outsiders happily assume you can meet a woman simply by doing something about it. What actually happens is you can share a room with women in almost infinite ways, but one where they are right for you and single is down to no more than chance. Using dating sites normally eliminates the majority who are not single but as for quality forget it. Just one example. I've been analysing this stuff as long as I remember, more or less bagged the business side in my 20s which I've proved in reality since, but the pleasure side isn't within our direct control. Meditation is the only indirect method without poisoning yourself with drugs, as all others require other people who we can't control, let alone trying to improve how we feel directly which is the same as trying to lift ourselves off the ground by our own shoelaces. That's not faulty thinking not to try, but to think it can be done.

No magic formulas then, I've spent time and money checking for 20 odd years, some work once quickly for a short time (hours maximum) but like drugs try again and mysteriously nothing happens. With meditation the key is only persistence, and quite possibly using a few methods at once attacks from different directions as well. Add to that some teachers say do nothing, just by listening to them it'll happen naturally, contrasted with others who can have you chanting and breathing odd ways all day long. In the end enlightenment comes to people who simply pursue it and unless stick with one teacher from start to finish (many who do get nothing as well) can't even tell what did it or not. But that's separate from real life as you don't really see the benefit till you're almost there, and have to deal with everything else till that happens just as you were before. You can't cheat the mind, it is always stronger so the only way to win is to move your awareness beyond its effect. You can try every trick in the book to wrongfoot it but it's our master if we pay it any attention at all, so better to leave it to its own devices, be aware of them, and expect little better from it. Once you become the master then it won't matter how many habits it has, it will only be used to organise your life and no longer rule it.

As my friend says (as I can't take credit if not me), we didn't design our minds, and all the reactions and thoughts come like the weather, we can only decide whether to act on them or not. You can't do a damn thing with the feelings (anyone who tells me they can and how can go and swap Al Gore and Barack Obama's Nobel prizes for themself as they'd deserve two at least) and till then STFU. If not then if you feel good you're lucky, not clever. Everyone else is not, end of. Nothing overlooked or avoided.

Back to me

I may be busy on the global warming project, but still have my philosophy working and observing. All the division between people is based mainly on misunderstanding, as well as greed where those either want what they don't have to be shared with them, or want it for other people who haven't asked them to work for them. In the end we all need the same things, and want more or less the same things albeit from many different ways. But people focus on the differences, see others as not like them and fight them as they aren't. I may as well use global warming as a good example as any, if there was global warming we'd have to deal with the consequences. Trying to learn the causes is one thing, but trying to prevent it before we know and before it's happened isn't going to change anything besides what they've done to our world through their policies.



But we all want to avoid disaster, but some have less understanding of our limitations, more so even less understanding of what a disaster is. So even though if there was a disaster we'd all want the best ways to lessen its effects, but until then simply imagining a disaster and then trying to stop it in ways which are nothing more than giving experts and investors money and restricting as many aspects of our life (eg coal and light bulbs) as they can is not helping anyone except those who are in receipt of that money. So if you ask people generally do they want to be ripped off they'd say no, do you want to travel freely, yes, do you want the cheapest possible energy as long as it doesn't cause pollution, yes, etc etc.

So this is about understanding, information (ie needing it all before being able to make a decision) and agreeing. Look at what we agree on, we want all the things we need and the things that make us happy. People forget that so easily, they get sidetracked on things they aren't aware of (can you tell it's getting warmer? I can't) which once become real overshadow everything else and act as if they were not watching Towering Inferno but in it. That's hypnosis, converting a clear fantasy into a personal reality. Once you're in that nothing else is real in comparison and you're lost.



But all the people preaching for greater government don't know what it's like to have greater government. Give away your power and those who take it will look after themselves and give you back as little as possible to avoid a revolution, except in Zimbabwe there's no revolution so Mugabe just keeps going. Just go there if you want a good lesson in what happens when you let powerful governments rule the masses. Trust the people to deal with the general issues in the world and they will. You don't feed your children because it's law to, but because it's the right thing to do. People didn't stop feeding their children when they found they didn't have to, and animals do it without knowing what law is. Animals in general, including us, are programmed to look after ourselves and others yet prefer for many to hand it over in case it's easier to let others do it for them. And why would those others want to do it unless they were better off as a result?



So rather than divide and rule, look at what we all need in common, and if you want to work against an enemy then work against anyone trying to tell you and others how to live and pay them to do so if it's not in the same places you want it. If resources weren't limited no one would allow an energy saving bulb in their house, they only exist out of a shortage mentality combined with institutional creation of fear. They are the 21st century symbol of the useless and expensive, along with the even worse solar panels. Again, no one would dream of spending half a year's average wage on a piece of kit that powers the TV for an hour a day and packs up in 25 years. Those are the figures from the sales people themselves, they can only sell as our taxes pay the government to pay the owners 10 times more for the energy than it costs normally. All these crazy rules are only accepted as people assume there's a good reason for them which of course was never there. If something's useless it always will be. You can't make excuses to buy or impose something useless on people without their consent and lack of thought. In the end it's fear and trust that fucks us every time, divide, rule and fight. Who would ever dream of going to war as attackers if not either thieves or misguided, yet we see it around us every day. And who decides it? Those with power. Think about that.

Getting anywhere?

Back again, the closest I've got to an addiction is the combination of doing this and not going to bed in order to do it. Compared to others it's not too bad, had I been blogging each day and gone to bed at a sensible time then there'd be no health warning at all, but who's perfect?

Although things have technically gone pretty well recently- business is good, still finding lots of signs and no real problems it is boring. I gain another item but doesn't change my life or bring people into it. I am amazingly getting in touch with an ex who's free again and for reasons beyond my comprehension actually wanted to see me when my old neighbour got me involved. No predictions though, just an announcement. And being in public I do wonder who can see what, I've got to fanny around on a few other sites where the very people I'm moaning about are present. I'm not moaning here but people either like being written about or not and you don't know till it's too late.

The week ahead is not looking as exciting as it could be either. Besides more football on TV (I missed one damn good game for the photo shoot but I can watch football for the rest of my life) one probable booking tomorrow and who knows what else. I have a few photo trips, nothing worth the effort but there when I feel like it. I've spent the last two afternoons walking in the woods as the weather was sunny but bloody freezing, but got some exercise and more photos. As I said yesterday it's really about bloody time the routine was broken, and seeing other people became the norm rather than the exception. I appreciate them all now and will do even more if they're not rationed.
If I'm working tomorrow I doubt I'll go out afterwards, I've got a growing list of calls to make, especially since the calls went up am saving as many as possible till after 6pm. BT have made it 7 so at least only ripped off on non geographic calls which I can avoid to the greater extent. And Streetview's covered another mile or so around London so back on the job and found one more sign already.

I'll let the following days take care of themselves, I do believe any success I can control in the future will be from strategy and not effort. Plan in advance, see what's required and act. That's how I win many online quizzes, I don't work hard but just learn the tactics and strike at the right time and know what I'm doing. That's how real success is made, once the exams are over, and I really believe if you've shlepped your kishkes out studying for years then why carry on afterwards when you've put that effort in to gain said qualifications? I see people far better qualified than me killing themselves, not for money but more status at work. For fuck's sake dear, you've got a PhD, what do you want, to become God? Just insecurity, I'd like an MA but wouldn't keep going if I'd got one (unless offered a free course) as it was where I felt I belonged and very happy to be better qualified than nearly everyone else in the country. But academic qualifications are just that, fine to teach but you really need a profession to earn more, and that was where my effort was diverted to (I'd have preffered both but health and money dictated otherwise) and although my accounts show my profits have never broken four figures a year the TV work on my CV is priceless and the potential is pretty good as well as an opening for media work.

So as always my mind becomes organised by presenting what's confusing shit here, and gradually see a pattern forming I can work with. Deal with what's in front of me and what I can change, and stop worrying about the rest. Any more is a miracle. Which leads me to yesterday's entry which clearly displayed a complex miracle in my own life which lasted a year. So they seem part of my life, and don't believe they are rationed or based on merit (I've seen the sods who do very well in life and they wouldn't have had it been given that way). It seems neutral, an energy you attract and harness, and then you're in the flow. If we do get judged for being a right bastard with it (which I haven't since I was at school) I've yet to see it happen. And don't really care if it does as it doesn't help me if someone who stitched me up gets it back as I'd never even know most of the time.
I just want to succeed, and don't take advantage of the power as some do, as that's what the old school call black magic. It's simply gaining power and then using it against others.

I think we can all win in that respect, there is enough for everybody but for instance if you give money to the third world it nearly all gets stolen, which is why they're poor in the first place. Many countries we consider poverty stricken have more resources than here but it's all kept in a few hands. That's how people are kept poor, as there's the technology to even fertilise many deserts, as Israel did simply by planting them with trees. I see where people do the wrong thing, and am always happy to point it out or people will assume they've got away with it. The real revenge is seeing them do it as they assume they are unnoticed but as David Icke says, knowledge will set you free. I know global warming is a Mafia job, half the world do now but it'll take a heck of a long time before knowledge will convert to results as currently they're in the process of trying to hold onto their money. It can't last as with the internet the truth is there for anyone to look for.
Political correctness is a smaller version of the same thing, protecting the bad and punishing the honest. Only a way for the powerful to keep it and stop the good people winning, but it can't last.
Anyway, that's enough for one go, but plenty more where that came from.

We get what is given

There are two possibilities. Either things get better or they don't. I keep busy regardless but will always know what I'm missing especially as I've experienced enough to know the difference. But all the activity won't change the outside decisions. I asked someone else from the past to meet me a couple of days ago, despite the distance, just in case. Otherwise it's like waiting for the rain to come. You can play video games, watch TV, wander around but it doesn't change the lack of rain.

Meanwhile life goes on. My own philosophy seems to simplify life more and more as it is really simply a method of trying to get as much pleasure from our time here as possible. The problems arise when something or someone tries to stop them, or they are sabotaged by circumstances like illness. It's not easy. But the cack so many people let ruin their lives will never cease to amaze me. There are so many spoiled children out there that don't just get free ice cream but scream the house down as it's the wrong fucking flavour. Ungrateful sums it up. I am now happy for every small thing I have and more and more overlook the problems as long as they have no lasting effect. I've had enough to learn it. And if I can everyone can as problems and their reactions are universal.

For example, people who whinge for years when a relationship breaks up. What? We are all born naked and alone, and besides our parents (which some don't even have then if they've died or left) that is the most we can take for granted. How anyone can be devastated when anyone outside that family goes, so their lives are ruined for an indefinite period is handing the power to the enemy. Every person who isn't a blood relative is extra and not designed to be a permanent part of our lives. If we believe we are we have handed our power to them, and instead of enjoy them while we can we can get so attached we become dependent on them. Not me thank you. 24 hours to mourn the loss and back to business. Learnt it after the first time when my friend asked me how long I wanted the bitches to ruin my life. I said a day was enough and that was that. Easy. Never got me since. How can you miss what isn't yours in the first place? Our family is part of us so we lose someone who can never be replaced as they are unique, but others pass throughout our lives, if we are ready for it we won't be caught in the trap.

Funnily enough I came here first as Funtrivia is down, just when I wrote my first quiz in 10 months. So it made me think of what I'd learnt recently to add here as whatever insights I have are used in my work unless they are too confrontational. And when life simplifies itself for me all the time I see less and less that can't be understood by everyone. And none work on trust as you can see for yourself by checking. So in a way I may be reporting negativity in my own life but much positive for others. As despite simplifying it also simplifies our limits, and I spend a few years asking anyone I could and not one offered a single door in the wall of powerlessness. My suspicion was right, some situations are totally passive with no trick or little known methods that were kept secret. It's all as it seems and there are no hidden exits besides inner changes through meditation. But the world outside is the same as watching it on TV besides our own input as a single person against millions. Not a lot of difference there then.

I have also reached a point where I'd prefer answering questions on all this than repeating the same principles in different ways. Practical applications will vary for each question and the answers tend to come from the same area so work for virtually everything even if you may not like them. How many millionaire motivational speakers tell you you can do fuck all but get on with something else and forget about it? Not many people would pay to hear that advice but many times it's the truth. So all you can do is use the resources that are here and the others simply don't exist. Like my video editing program. If the tools aren't provided the work can't be done, end of. But besides that advice the rest is pretty practical so that is just the worst case, and can be quite liberating as once you realise nothing can be done you can let go and drop it.

People, throw away your beliefs!

Having a bit more time than usual I return here. I've spent the last couple of days filling the last spaces on my London Transport groups for Flickr round Barnes and Ealing, added a little more to the weights in the gym after nearly 6 years next month, and that's about it. I know my email target is busy so is likely to reply when she has the time, very hard working and kids. My cat was enough for me with no help. This week having checked the website will try and sell a few more photo albums now I see they haven't deleted them (my property I PAID FOR) from their website as expected. Flickr and here (which is free) never need to clear space by deleting stuff (and what would it do for visitors?) so why should a commercial site where people store their work to be printed by them? More unanswered questions of life.

I still imagine the chances of anything nice happening to cheer me up (life has becime incredibly boring) almost zero now, having seen more projects die this year than possibly any other time in my life. Two women so far, two major media jobs, all the supernatural leads I followed, all but one sale, and only compensated by that sale (about 70p profit), getting the BBC Trade Test transmissions after 36 years and getting a photo of a dodgy car number plate, which was hardly enough to balance. So many people do moan because however much they have it isn't enough, while I believe few could start so many diverse attempts for them all to go tits up in a row. That doesn't usually happen, even to me. And I haven't got any others still alive that may even it out or ideas for them, hence the vacuum I mentioned yesterday.

So what I should do is ask out the older woman in the library if she wants more albums (very nice but bound to be married), tell the woman in America I'll go there and marry her (that would make it at least her 3rd but who's counting?), Or even better join yet another online dating agency so I can get messages from women in Ghana claiming to love me and can I send them £300 for their mother's operation, talk all night to a divorcee in Essex who can only talk about her ex husband, be stood up in assorted spots in and around London (done plenty of those already), spend weeks emailing before meeting someone who looks like her photo's mother, tell the same stories to ten different women, and the best which has happened at least twice, be told they've decided not to meet anyone off the internet (after paying to join).

That is a truly tragic list of possibilities, which explains why I prefer to call women I already knew (however long ago) and do other things instead. I learnt even longer ago if any woman laughs at my fart and bottom jokes she fancies me, as women just don't tend to think that's funny. I've never known a single clue I'm in there apart from that, and rarely used that trick since I was a teenager anyway. Anyone still on the fence is bound to be put off. One woman I never met (as thousands of miles away) liked poop talk even more (maybe not more) than me, and I actually wrote a few entries here just for her. How many people overall worldwide of my age who can still have a good old laugh about shit must be pretty low, especially among the females. And our sexual preferences also coincided which is possibly even more unusual. I think all the others tolerated the jokes they laughed at as they liked me, rather than actually thinking it was funny. If anyone else had said the same things they'd probably have slapped them.
Tomorrow looks exciting, one new work arrival and then to my grandma's to wait for a washing machine to be collected when she's out, unless they get there before me. I'll start the phone calls then or next, and the usual jobs around the house and garden, and looking back the last few weeks or beyond nothing happened that I didn't actually think of and get done myself. Things I wanted to do that is. No angels or other miracles coming along like a dream to help me out. I'm sure the whole basis of hope is caused by the lack of power we have over life we imagine it suddenly being fixed like in a film. Pointless, if anything does it won't be because we have hope or think about it, things just happen. Belief is the poor relative of hope as most people with hope know in their hearts it's unfounded, but belief is based on lack of knowledge so is only an assumption. I either know something, suspect it or don't know. I don't believe in God, global warming (like I can see and feel it?), the good of mankind, anything nice is round the corner, or we are in a recession. I suspect nothing decent will happen for months at least, it makes no difference who gets in in America (except to their taxpayers), 90% of politicians are corrupt, and none of the women I ever email from my past will ever want to see me, and sooner or later most of these will be known. If people all examine their hopes and beliefs, and then remove all of them they will feel a lot lighter and clearer. They have no use for us, but why learn it the hard way before you do so?

Little more

Just to clarify yesterday (as I did to the comments as well) I still have a few friends, but either away, busy or both plus one I talk to but never see any more. The effect is similar but the people do exist.

Back to today, one thing I have at the moment is free time, one reason I'm here more as well. They don't charge or limit what we write here so why should I be restricted? I was reading a book yesterday that says we should find just one thing in life we can do something to change and give it a little poke. If I can think of anything I will, although in the way of publicity any more would either just irritate people or make an idiot of myself (no comments on that thank you).
I still chase women from my past, and that can work as I see around me. I'm slowly collecting TV programmes from the 60s and 70s although many were destroyed before anyone could save them, no VCRs back then. There are a few major gaps I haven't tracked down yet but filled quite a few as well, including in charity shops.

Meanwhile sometimes life seems back to normal again when something reminds me of enlightenment and it does seem to resonate now unlike before. If there's a path towrds it if I'm not on it now I don't think anything else would be. The certainty I had with my intuition about so many other things is now relating the same to that, like I've finally got it. Nobody confuses me now and can see the partial expanations many give with their holes in. And I can correct them when people ask, as they do. Can you imagine my blogs of that happened? I can't but they wouldn't have much to complain about. Everything in the world would happen at a distance. You'd still enjoy life but wouldn't actually suffer from what I gather. I will no doubt see something unfold as it seems to have started.

Until then though I will be wrapped up in the ordinary as we all are. My ordinary is a lot more than many, but I did see it coming as being an only child and then have my mother leave so even less family support knew unless I got married sooner or later I'd end up stuck on my own. I discussed the woman mystery yesterday, it's not as if they've stopped producing them or I'm in the Space Shuttle, but there seems to be something of a force field around me on that front at the moment. I remember a woman here who said she was interested in me, although like primary school she showed it by being rude and got pissed off when I objected. God help me if she hadn't liked me. Then she did nothing about it anyway even though she could have.
Funnily enough the annual fireworks party at my old school is next week (although they haven't sent me anything) and I've taken two girlfriends to that before. There's one's sister (the one pissing me around at the moment) and the other who never fancied me and was considering calling after a long gap out of lack of alternatives. If I can think of someone suitable as well it'll be a big surprise. I have a week anyway. Last time there wasn't even any food and we had to go to Starburger afterwards just as they were about to close. She'd already eaten before we got there but still had another meal.

I suspect I'll either take the current one through availability with no 'funny business' or go on my own and not see anyone I know. Not the first time or the last. The rest awaits to be seen but fairly predictable I suppose.

A bit of everything

A wee bit random today, but only reflects life at the moment. Firstly as I didn't intend doing a PhD in Meatloaf I certainly wasn't expecting such a hoohah over what was clearly an almost universal trap I'd fallen into, even predicted before the song was released. And the fact it reminds me so much of 'Everything I own' it's even harder to mentally separate the details.
I also see on the other side of the water Barack Obama has chosen someone called Biden (I will admit to not even knowing GW Bush's VP) whose name is only one letter away from Bidet to join Obama's being one from Osama. At least he avoided senators Conksucker and Blitoris anyway. But among all the criticisms of America it's one of the best countries I know with the nicest people. So they can't be doing so much wrong.

I am in posession of two of what I consider to be the best ways to detach myself from the influence of outside conditions. One being knowledge, which is considered by most on the course to be the best known route, and also the active method offered by Nick Roach which is totally public and simply involves being aware of where you are and what you are feeling, as often as possible. I learnt knowledge in 1997 and saw Nick in 2004, and despite following him fairly consistently since haven't seen much come from his method, although I still believe it to be the best and simplest route to enlightenment without the slightest need to understand what's going on as well. It transcends the mind and the rest of his teaching is to show you why if you want to know before you do it.

I did see in today's horoscope though (just for fun) that something you are doing may be like loosening the top of a jar so it seems all the effort is going nowhere (as it does) but then it may pop off 'suddenly' but really as all the work going in has silently built up. I can only hope so.

It did occur to me as well to say my philosophy here comes from my own efforts to make sense of the world to save myself from being caught in all the traps. One by one I see new areas and when I mention them here I am fully aware they seem obvious to some and like revelations to others. Of course what is obvious to one person is a mystery to another as we all see in different ways so have to share it all, or you can go through life and miss the best bits you can't work out yourself. I'd be happy to keep all of these discoveries to myself (besides my paying clients) as I get nothing back from sharing them, but do see it as a complete waste to find something out you literally 'own' (as you worked it out yourself) and not share it. The fact many other people already know doesn't stop the ones who don't from benefitting. I am also interested in philosophy but do it far more just for survival purposes.

I am now praying my HTML works as I don't want to spend ages trying to sort it out at bedtime.

Friday report

I'm pleased to see the blog community has become active again, the period of posts from 2003 and 4 being displayed as most recent seem over and whatever the reason it all seems to have woken up at last.
For the new readers I ran out of my own philosophy months ago when I'd completed the circle and found there was little or nothing new to discover. All I learned was we should aim for pleasure but have no direct way of achieving it. Sad but true. Since then all I can report are my own experiences towards or away from said pleasure and also appeared to have run out of toilet related stories as you can only rearrange the essential topics in a few ways before you've done it all. Including someone wiping it on the wall in 1964.

So, since last visit I have just been given half the schedule for my easily biggest TV appearance. It's only the first week but implies I am on WETV (US cable) on Jan 19th at 8.30 EST. Alien Abduction (Ayumi episode) for anyone who can get it. All on their website www.wetv.com .
with more detail next month. Unlike my last UK filming which has been put on ice and now even the producer has gone incommunicado although the series is made and on DVD for participants already. I think there must be legal problems as little else can halt plans like that.
I am also carving out a small social life for the next couple of weeks, one certain and the next movable but probable around that time. More on that after any possible event. Work is dribbling back which is useful and when the light is OK I'm still doing the videos. I was up too late today for it but have another planned when I can. Maybe even tomorrow.

What else? A music CD from America that'll probably take weeks, a new sweatshirt I don't need which arrived today (rally type stuff, very hard to find and usually expensive), and after a couple of months my favourite woman has been back in the gym, and two days running! I doubt she has or will ever know what I think but besides the father of her child being a barrier, I would like her to know regardless. Some women can tell but not many. I have dropped hints and pointed her to my websites but with the new baby now has no time for much else. Not planned and not married by the way. She's happy but he's pretty stunned by the whole thing, which I wouldn't had it happened to me. Far from it. Makes my day anyway when I see her if nothing else.
Meanwhile I await inspiration and am off to bed.

This was my week.

A few reasons I haven't popped in for a while, firstly (a good thing), I've been pretty busy doing other things and secondly (not so good) none were enough to bother to report at the time. But it's the end of the week and I can both say I took 3 more lots of photos even though it was getting dark, and otherwise just getting on with things, waiting for a couple more TV programmes to air soon (so I'm told) and wondering what to do about the last woman left in the system. It's not like I have any options except yes or no, there's no opposition to choose from. Other than that at least what started as an unplanned week was busy, no stress for a change and seem to have done a pretty successful healing, once I follow it up to check.

This colour must have been available all the time but I've only just found it, and is possibly my favourite so far. The other thing that kept me occupied was Facebook, something I knew nothing about but has sucked half the people I know into the last month. No idea what started it off but I've done almost as much connecting on it as I did on Friends Reunited, except of course women usually use their married names so little possible to find on that side. But it's busy and I have got in touch with a number of people old and new and if they cut out all the poking and other assorted nonsense I'm sure we could just stick to gossiping and similar. It also fills the pages with so much stuff it takes all day to load some of them.

From now onwards I still have no plans really. My spare glasses are taking longer than last time, it gets dark by 4pm and will do for another 2 months plus, and do at least have a few indoor stuff set up for the dark days. And maybe even try and flog some more albums as well as order the latest one I loaded up but haven't arranged yet. Meanwhile the arrangement in life is showing itself constantly, I regularly get obscure quiz questions which repeat on TV or the radio within a day and when I wanted to set up a meeting including my alien abductees they both contacted me to come overshortly the next day. We are all being taken up in this one at a time, and although there's no apparent purpose that's shown itself yet in it all at least it means either I am doing it all subconsciously or there is a higher power able to move life around at will. Either way it means there is a control behid the scenes and can only hope all my ambitions will work as a result. I have realised there's no virtue (quite the opposite) in suffering ordeals for success. All this jungle nonsense in I'm a celebrity does no mean doing a parachute jump or eating bugs qualifies anyone as a success. You should either do them as you like it, are paid well or not at all. I now see no credit at all in having to go through anything in life in order to score points and raise your status.
Passing qualifications is different, and can be hard or easy depending on your abilities, but an degree you found easy is no less valid than others who found the same one hard. I already read we should lose all pride in any suffering, like illness, or we'll just keep on getting it. Same for any crap. I no longer believe I need to do one more thing to show 'I have' ever again. If I do anything ambitious like a holiday or a show it'll be because I want to, not because I want to prove something. That's what they call bad medicine and equates success and growth with suffering, which is the opposite to how it should be.

Please God my life now changes to reflect the new decision never to take on any more stress to grow, and the rest can be fun and just go with the flow. Believe me I think I've had a full quota of the brown stuff already.

Race riots

While I'm here, I suppose the more I write the more my few readers will have a reason to check in. I took over 30 pretty good photos yesterday round Golders Green mainly by finding new subjects to take, like people in the street. Always popular but will never meet the heights of a London Transport sign apparently. I have most of those already as well as enough buses to fill a garage. But no two shots of people will be the same so I have a new avenue.
Last week was the busiest for a while, punctuated by two nice walks on Hampstead Heath with the camera. No plans left now and I also called the producer of the TV programme twice to ask why it wasn't on and left 2 messages but no reply as yet. Anyone who remembers the Hutchison Rabbit, the earliest type of mobile phone will see the same elements in the Sky TV on demand system. No demand, no TV. End of.

Meanwhile little snippets of news creep in, the multiple witness UFO seen in Guernsey is the first I remember being reported plus with pictures and enough data to measure and locate, about a mile long. Can anyone tell me that could be man made? The lack of official answers is no surprise, and the truth is the ones who don't know can't, and the ones that do won't say. But we've seen it now so they can't say they aren't out there. I'm sorry it appears to only have been reported locally and online, but maybe some clever reporter will realise the significance and write about it again saying what I just did. You can't put that one back in the box. Judging by the apparent communication powers of aliens by telepathy, being telepathic myself I wonder how they work with me and can only communicate through others? I was trained to receive and when I try I get nothing. Others get scientifically valid diagrams, teaching and other information beyond earth's science and I have to hear it through them. Maybe it's something wrong with me?

Otherwise things are clear for a while and I need a week off to recover from all the work last week. I was given the advice to sell my house and buy a flat so I could live near or in Golders Green and I am checking places out online to see if I can afford them. I've realised (besides getting a cat door) it may well be viable and living in a flat isn't so bad once you're indoors. I'd prefer to walk straight out to Golders Green Road and have some decent people and activities on the doorstep besides the parks here. I'm nowhere near the shops and most of the people may as well be from another planet. I talk to everyone but they don't and many, almost all the old timers here feel the same way and are moving out. As it's my blog and it's not breaking the law I will point out not only white people are racists. I think that speaks for itself. Other races may be the minority here but their attitudes are the same as any other group among the less enlightened members. Africans and Indians lower the status of darker members and India still has the caste system whatever they say. Based partly on colour, the Brahmins are the lightest and have blue eyes. Thank goodness for that, as if I ever got there I'd be a darkie but my blue eyes qualify me as the top caste! I do not and never have passed for English despite my parents' appearance I appear to have fled from a Middle Eastern desert and many people are still surprised when I speak such good English. I couldn't care less any more as I'm more concerned about my height, not my colour. You can be of any race but if 6 foot people will not take the piss. That is far more important than race for me. How many people will go up to an Asian and make a rude remark? Nowadays hardly any. But if you're below average height it's open season. They think it's affectionate and funny but no different from calling someone a wog as you are different to them and seen as inferior. As for being Jewish I realised yesterday had I not been and still lived where I had I'd be fascinated and probably want to become Jewish. There's not a thing I can find to say about the Jews that is derogatory despite being naturally biased. The holocaust set back science by hundreds of years as most scientists were killed and we had to manage with the bare minimum since. We may catch up but are decades if not much more behind.

So, maybe if I'm a little contraversial at least the odd reader may care to argue with me, it seems so often compared to the old days I may be talking to the wall here, and when I can be arsed intend to turn the best posts into a book. To be frank it's taken me 47 years to form my views and are based on testing assumptions and finding the truth behind them. It may not be possible to use facts and figures to support much but I know when I crack a problem and I believe I have with many so far. Truth isn't politically correct, some people are better at one thing than another so why not just leave it at that and accept we are all different and hate everyone not like we are? OK, it's not that bad but reflects the worst of the world from one end to the other. But only the middle class whites get the blame for any attitude despite easily being able to find them in every society in the world except maybe a few so inbred there are no differences...

More details of nothing

Still exploring life, having heard the theory we create from our thoughts I wonder how my thoughts created a pair of power saws opposite this morning that woke me up and stopped me going to sleep? By any stretch of the imagination nothing I could have conjured up from nowhere would have been responsible for some sort of pointless disturbance that popped up at random. Unless like Jung it's a deep symbolic meaning I must wait for to arrive which will provide the key to that particular item and the chance to let it go. I will keep looking.

Otherwise today's been housework which is something. No real shifts besides cleaning and almost repairing the cat feeder, the rest being minor tidying and gardening which could have become major if left too long however. Yesterday dragged a number of reasonable photos from the minimum of inspiration, and thank goodness I did some work on Tuesday. So, so far a typical week and little to excite or amuse beyond my imagination. Plus the mouse. Not the one for the computer, the one that was introduced to my lounge by the cat last night, ran under the sofa, pissed off and hasn't been seen since. As it didn't arrive (like my grandma's visitor) from outside there's no way out unless I see it and remove it. I won't kill it, the cat seems to have lost interest (not a bad thing) so unless it turns up running across a room I have no idea where or how long it will be here for. All I can do is leave some food out and see what happens. All I need.

It's been a shame turning down arrangements as the ear doesn't just hurt but generates symptoms sometimes as well. Just enough to stop me doing things beyond the very easy. People worry but it's nothing dreadful, just a fucking nuisance. But with 47 years of experience behind me I make sure I always acheive the next easiest things to the ones I couldn't do so always get something done, showing it can't stop me altogether so far. No one should be expected to go through life constantly healthy and if it's my turn for something nasty then what can I do?

I am a record keeper. I put a mileometer on my bike and feel satisfied if I do a few more miles than usual. Because of the hills here it's not as many as some but steady progress. There's no point losing track of events, after about 10 I realised I needed to keep records of my radio calls, it's now up to well over 400. And that's just LBC, about 100 more altogether. And who I called and what about. Only a few filofax pages, very easy to store. Looking back you see how each week you add something, small or important, so even without a job life can still be productive. And how many people would work if they could afford not to? If I was rich I'd have an office next to my house and invest in a proper business, hopefully a radio studio to do phone ins or similar, and a room for individual and group therapy and tuition. I'd rent the place out and as long as fairly busy would make a profit however many hours I did myself. Though I'm not rich it means I wouldn't stop working but do what I wanted and when. I'd be able to work more than now as I could afford the premises. I tried doing the same a number of times elsewhere and even without paying rent without clients spent most of the time sitting around waiting while people never arrived. I know a couple who put their life savings in an identical project and that went west within a year, as did the other people I worked for. Very social but no money in it.

And the fucking Indian shop ran out of cakes. How the hell does that happen? With a few hours sleep I wasn't going to shop around so took a pack of assorted biscuits with a 2 week date on and will lose weight from lack of jam tarts. I have toast though so all may not be lost. If I had someone at home to talk to or wait for I'd have a real life. Till then it's make the best of it. For ever possibly. With a mouse.

Loose ends

Like the rain life is guided by the social weather outside and we appear to follow (I am learning an alternative now but until I have this represents the current state). Work pops up and now three weeks running I've worked Tuesday and Wednesday, but today had a very nice visitor as well in between which was new.

Another new visitor booked for tomorrow, people do turn up in little bunches like most things, the only clue to order in the apparent chaos. And my particular work today was giuded by the rain, no gardening but accounts, which turned out to be more pressing and way beyond the level I should be doing. Not my choice for sure. Tomorrow is set to be dry for the second time in almost a week, which photos get taken remain to be seen but I certainly far from wasted the week so far despite hardly leaving the house today, but proved working from home is no easier than working anywhere else if the work gets tough. At least at present I don't have to get up tomorrow, having been woken up by a call so early today as it was coming from half way round the world. The sort of random crap we all get but at least I didn't have to go out and do gardening afterwards due to the crap weather. It'll keep. The new bike brakes are sitting here waiting to go on as well which I'll do tomorrow though whether I'll find time to use it I don't know.

I don't know whether I miss my philosophy or not. I'd come in a complete circle to realise our apparent position of passive acceptance and if my new book is right may well find the opposite. I will see as it goes along. It's my path and one I never intend to teach if it works mainly as it's already being taught and it's for my benefit and at most would stop having to present the old view I had based on physical limits as this system relies on the non physical. I haven't got far enough yet to say any more but am working at it. It does explain my phases and coincidences and nothing else has, plus it also agrees with my own opinions and experiences of what I've seen personally. I won't even recommend it yet as unless it works there's no point. Too many false dawns in my life to bother now, and even the things I know which work aren't totally reliable.

I still get bored after being left on my own at night. Too much of an anticlimax to whatever I've done during the day, and for every person that either takes for granted or criticises their family they live with just wait till they all leave. Don't wait till you lose what you have before you realise its value, it's only too easy to always want more, and I find when I do I lose what I have, and wish I had it back. Sometimes I do get them back and others I don't. But I never again want to lose something before I appreciate it. I think I've covered enough ground today. I hope occasionally I actually teach or help someone, these ideas took a long time to discover and work out and until proved wrong are the current way I see how things are. I for one hope I'm wrong given all the conclusions I just mentioned.

Negative

I do my best but I suppose our lives tend to reflect the foundations of them, and when I return to base I'm alone and relatively friendless. So I slip into moaning about it and find I repeat the same faults in life as they happen. Sorry about that but at 47 can see little else ahead at the moment either.
So otherwise I have 2 from 4 brake blocks bought on Monday, as I had to check the size fit the back which they do, so now I need the others to be complete. I ended up working some of yesterday and most of today so again got the business done before the playing and aim to get to Swiss Cottage tomorrow. One TV programme on tonight which just finished and I am at a real loose end. I do intend to do some housework soon as that has hung around as long as I can remember, at least that always improves the place one way or another.

I could go on but not about life as I know it as I have nothing left to report, literally. So as many times in the past I have the empty box and will see what fills it. OK, the housework. I have lots of filing/reading/chucking out to do as the papers have piled up again, that's an easy one so will probably win the race. Phone calls are mainly business less one that will lead to an arrangement and currently haven't the time to make one yet. Well an hour later and I have, fascinating, someone with a heck of a lot of knowledge and similar interests to me. Beats the housework though some may now get done before I go to bed. I doubt the TV will offer much unless I watch some more of my (as in ones I made) old videos. I hate being forced to trawl the depths of my mind to keep myself occupied, you can't rely on the TV and internet the whole time and of course least of all other people. They say (in a recent magazine article) you can't be healed until you heal yourself. That would put a lot of doctors out of business. I think the nearest I'd get to self medication is picking my nose, and I don't intend making my own dental fillings in a hurry. This is within the esoteric and beyond the capabilities of all but the enlightened if genuine at all. But these statements fly around like bird shit and have to be analysed individually in case hold any truth, but so many people accept the words which are shouted the loudest, as the Nazis well understood.

So, let's see the next job or two I get done before lack of sleep does for me. But I managed all my work today which was all I needed. There is light as well as dark, but I can't use the light that's past to light the present. That would be a real magic trick...

Thursday's review

Honestly, until I started blogging I never swore in 'libel' (ie permanent form) and very rarely in slander (temporary). Yes, I'm legally trained. Now it's a dreadful habit but presume it somehow adds a dimension to my writing compared to the unrestricted use made by the chavs on Big Brother.
Anyway, I've been pretty busy this week, half planned and half forced. My ear is undergoing its second course of drops for the supposed infection and is a bloody nuisance. I have no idea how long these things take to clear up and the immune system seems pretty inadequate to cope with what are probably the commonest germs to enter the body.

Besides that I am waiting for my second photo album to arrive. Only one error this time, and egged on by a 15% discount for ordering that day had little time to piss around searching further. I copied a missing one from flickr which restricts the size, and I wanted this to be full page. Expecting it to be on the laptop, not accessible for a week, I gave up and printed it small, and then realised although it never made it to my computer it was still on the camera. So I could have done it full size but if that's the worst ricket I made I can live with it.
The Funtrivia challenge ended and I was up at 93/100, from over 42,000 players, though many didn't play enough quizzes to get very far. My total was 1770 when the scores were locked, compared to about 2400 for those who didn't miss any. I am pretty happy as it was the first time I played right through and my average was nearly 100 (a whole question from 15) higher than last go as well.

I've worked Tuesday, taken a record number of photos on Wednesday and some of trains today. Too late to squeeze the best into the new album but you have to order it eventually and I intend to make one every time I have enough to do so, around 60 of the best. Nothing specific for tomorrow besides still trying to get brake blocks for my 53 year old bike. If I go to Mill Hill I can take some more station photos after as there are three near there and I'm taking as many as I can for the group I'm in. I got Burnt Oak, Queensbury, North Ealing, Hanger Lane and Preston Road in the last week as well as a different entrance to Highgate. Next should be Mill Hill East, Finchley Central and West Finchley. Not that other people haven't already takne many of them but no two are the same. Considering on Monday I had not a clue what I'd do all week I've done pretty well, but of course can't guarantee a thing beyond now.

That is around it for now, I expect to finally do the housework once I run out of places to go, none is that demanding and will be good to get out of the way. And I no longer expect the news or the supernatural to suddenly improve my life any more. It just goes on and this really is all there is, take it or leave it. I doubt anyone's looked further and longer than me and I can only get on with it as it is as besides meditating there's no other way round it. If anyone every shows me an alternative I'll become enlightened on the spot. That little chance.

Freedom but for what?

A rare free week this week, and no guilt attached as last week I worked more than I have for a while. The challenge is how not to waste it. So far I've taken photos in East Finchley and today got some exercise on my bike going to Staples Corner only to find the camera battery was in the charger so I went back home. I had a long awaited visitor and then a small TV marathon. Wednesday down and two more days to go, with little thought of how they'll be filled. Of course I'll do the camera trip again with a battery, and maybe one in Wembley as well, although I also had my phone tutorial for my current personal development course and was told I'm doing very well.
I have shifted a few ideas, I no longer care about becoming enlightened (and was just told that's a requirement towards it...) and have more or less stopped my new philosophy as I've looked at enough from enough angles to get a picture and have little to add to that. No practical use except to let go and realise I have no power. By looking at ways to improve my life all I found was it can't be done and I just live each day as it is with no reference to beyond, which is how it should be. I used to believe marriage was the cure for most ills but since I have no experience of anything like it can't really imagine it any more to tell. My research has unearthed, as if offered directly, a possible alien connection as described, so telepathy has now extended beyond human sources. The woman I emailed, as well as the TV producer have both not replied, so as usual I continue to work alone. The weird thing is the aliens say to my subjects the only way they can contact me is if I'm regressed by a professional, and you know what, I don't know any. Especially the free sort. The fact I need data and by not charging people it is a lot easier to get it appears not to concern other researchers. Of course there are other hypnotists prepared to regress alien abductees but how many don't charge for it?

Things do grind to a halt and my current tutor on this course says the one thing we aren't supposed to have is guilt. Presumably reformed criminals must learn in other ways but I mustn't be guilty if I feel I've wasted valuable days as you can't make a silk purse out of a sows ear, and had I taken my photos would have more to show, but I had a good exercise if nothing more. And now I have to do it again. In a film or religious book I may be being prepared for something, and have to learn how to deal with all adversities before I qualify. That requires God to pull the strings and if not God himself people with comparable power. I also realised I no longer care about personal spiritual status, only to feel good in myself. No prizes or glory, just peace. That is the ego melting and although I still often feel like shit I am no longer carrying so many unhelpful concepts. These things must block progress and maybe when enough are cleared I'll see what's behind them all.

Meanwhile I may end up famous as the last blogger left in 2007, apart from my links it appears a dying occupation. Not while I have internet access it won't be.

Cognitive shifts

Nice, the new blogger's finally working and signed me in on its own, and displays my blogtoplist number. 73 looks very good but on the list itself it's not me there so not sure what the number means.
Meanwhile a couple of points have become clear from my research into the hidden levels of the universe. Enlightenment ought to be genuine simply as all the teachers from Buddha onwards have independently described and taught methods to reach a state they claim they share. Now having used various meditations and easily reached states albeit rarely repeated they claimed were possible, why not the ultimate state as well? It may of course be apparently almost impossible but so is becoming a billionaire. But one is definitely both real and possible but fucking hard work, and I'd guess the same goes for getting married- I mean enlightenment.
The second is my telepathy theory of alien channelers. I realised though the mechanism has to be telepathy, you do not receive information about workable antigravity technology and matter transport and manipulation from human sources as we don't have any. That leads to the question assuming the tests that are being carried out as I type that are gradually verifying the methods as theoretically accurate where on earth (not on earth) are they getting it from? My next project.

Back to the mundane, I am now on nice eardrops which are designed to fix my little problem. Fingers crossed and all that. Things have gone pretty quiet at the moment, the diary has some visitors pencilled in for the coming week and if the ear problem clears up I can be a lot more active again. Usual photo trips planned for places like Golders Green and now someone sent me the lost website www.geograph.co.uk with local views of nearly every corner I've visited and intended to visit. Nothing yet in Temple Fortune so I'm ahead on that. My new computer is due to arrive tomorrow, though besides speeding up the system isn't going to change what I use it for. And I need a haircut apparently so that may well be on the cards. And of course Sunday my TV programme is on again and as in the afternoon whatever the video does or doesn't do (I won't be home to police it) I'll see it 3 weeks after it was first on. The stupid buggers don't realise if UK publications don't print their schedules no one will know they exist. Scrolling to channel 721 on cable is not something I was likely to do, especially as the new technology scrolls like an Amstrad word processor, a line every 20 seconds. Actually the Amstrad was quicker. How much space does the Radio Times need for a few extra columns a day? Beats me. The only schedules are online and unless you knew the channel existed already wouldn't know what to look for. Catch 22.

The new blogger switched off our interest and other profile links (to be replaced by tags, like TV? is that the same?) and when I used the old version I couldn't find anyone who had posted since 2005. Maybe they've pulled the system and haven't added the new additions. Or no one else has added apart from me and my linked blogs. I'll have to try some tags next but unlike trivia and supernatural which raise similar work to mine, cats, cars or computers will be random and unlikely to find one worth reading. Strange method they've decided on.
Other plans? You tell me. It's gone very quiet round these ways, and having heard a sarcastic comment on TV about the most exciting thing they did was a visit to Boots had I found them open yesterday that would have been exactly my own. I don't care, I now appreciate every person I meet and every place I go. Take nothing for granted, they can stop at any time and when they come back you realise their value. Holidays may be for 3 weeks a year, normal life would be 49. You have to bring the holiday to the normal life, not spend the normal life waiting for the holiday, which may be crap anyway. I happen to have it forced on me but it was a good practice anyway, make your world like it is on holiday every day and you may find you don't even care about going away after that. It can easily be done.

What really counts?

Well, looking at the end of another year it's more of a wide view than a narrow daily one. Not that the daily one could compete much today, besides a little trip to Wembley to get covered in mud taking photos of almost identical views of places I've taken everywhere else. This year I seem to have learnt a hell of a lot, which is terribly useful to many people apparently but only allows me to see a pattern in the world much as a lab technician looks at a virus under the microscope but can't do a think about getting rid of it. I know the enemy but have no means to beat it. Knowledge is a start, and has put me head and shoulders above where I was before I had it, and when people I respect affirm what I say as true I realise I'm not making it up or speaking from personal opinion, but seeing things more and more as they really are, as I am gradually seeing others doing more at last, after seeming to spend a lifetime in a dream.

One element in common is how boring it is to live alone. Most people admit or freely describe how inadequate it is, and secondly more people are beginning to realise whatever shortcomings it has, being at home and around your own community is better than travelling all over the place once you've looked around and seen it isn't all that much. Wherever you go you always come home so you may as well make the most of it. People think excitement involves running away and frantic activity, but it isn't. Hours in front of TV with friends on holiday or here beat any other experiences, especially with good programmes and people. Watching Ian Botham and Alan Knott win the 1977 test match with all my friends making silly comments on holiday, watching one of the best films of my life, amazingly a French one called La premier fois, with the same bunch of friends, and also sitting watching goodness knows what when the cleaning lady's daughter walked in like an angel from heaven and sat on my lap. Those are memories, and like Big Brother, just involve being in a room with interesting people you know. Going to events is hit and miss and when they go wrong can put you off for ages.

It doesn't even seem to come with age. I know people in their 80s still travelling the world. Some didn't wait till they retired, they always did it. Good luck to them, but don't let anyone try and persuade anyone else it's the right thing to do. I spend many of my holidays waiting to return home unless they're particularly good. I was always happy at home, especially when I was off work. I love looking at old photos to remind me of things which aren't exactly the same recalling by memory. I prefer as much realism as possible, film as well as photo, and our holiday photographer used to show silent colour movies from god knows when, including me from my first visit at 8. I loved watching the show every year as I got older and knew nearly all the people in the film, and apart from the movie camera bit I took over his job for 2 years as official still photographer till he decided to take it up again. Nowadays my high spots are few and far between, and friends even more so. At the moment. I'm in a phase of drought on most fronts and like the weather we can't make it rain, we just have to carry on and hope.

I even seem to lose my sense of humour at times, I have other things to say and can't always see the funny side of things. But who doesn't? I'm barely waiting either. Little to wait for still. Got my glasses now and can see road signs at night clearly again. Talk about the little things. Tomorrow for instance I may take yet more photos in Colindale, and if open Fridays (Jewish area) go and get my second glasses made up. The thing is the more I become aware of what's important in life the less I get of it. So far...