A bit of everything

I was struggling for a topic today and almost decided to skip a day as nothing has happened yet, besides the update the filming is now due tomorrow, and as it was the only thing on my list that mattered in practice the rest can drift.

Besides that I spent 2 hours gardening today in the heat, as I borrowed some tools to replace the ones that had vanished or packed up. Then I saw my grandma who's at home for the first time in a month after her kidney removal. It's the first time she hasn't been troubled with it for a year and a half which is an incredible relief.
Otherwise I will just keep going as normal till tomorrow evening, and keep busy. There's plenty to do tomorrow work wise so apart from the rest of tonight as there's no TV worth watching or much else to do I'll go for a quick walk and then bed (after taking some more quizzes).

These, for my critics, are the moments filled by living with other people. That can be friends or family as well as a wife, it's just a wife would be preferable. 14 years amusing myself extending to possibly 60 is not good for anyone. I learnt as an only child how to make a nest for myself when I was alone so it's a skill I learnt at an early age. But it's second best and always will be. Social skills will dry up and going out dwindles to a minimum when there's nowhere left to go besides the regular family visits and photo trips. And however well I know London I reckon I'll soon run out of places to take that are actually worth looking at. I won't string this one out, but it's a bloody good example.

But stuck situations force me to look into the mechanisms behind them, including whether there's a supernatural control or not. Nick Roach has made me notice one more thing. I regularly notice people now who appear to exhibit an aspect of my own, as if I wrote their script. Nick says I do this with everyone, and as many people in my dreams are not like me or predictable it means I can produce people like me and unlike me so maybe I'm getting the point, and it means no one's reading this besides me. Big deal, once you know the answer to the equation you still have to live within the illusion of many. And they still talk to you as if you're someone else. How being the only one there (his personal focus on enlightenment) makes things actually better beats me, but if it's true it makes no difference what I think.

So, unless it rains again I'll be taking my usual late walk round the block, sometimes in one direction, sometimes in another, and then on to the quizzes. Lucy has already learnt my new car after a few weeks as she ran up to it tonight just as she did when I came home in the one I'd had since she arrived. Cats can teach us a lot if they could tell us how they did it. And remember, I do overdo some points here for literary effect. If I was to put in all the irrelevances and average bits it would give a truer picture but not make better reading. I only think about being single when it makes itself obvious. And clearly the sex is the most missed item, as though we can all be friends with lots of people of both sexes, the few we really enjoy sex with is a small group, and includes many we wouldn't have as a friend in a million years (probably like Aisleyne in Big Brother, my first and possibly only reference this year). She's a lovely person as well as her looks, but thick as pigshit and probably enough conversation for two seconds before she ran dry. Just like my first girlfriend. I found her so boring despite the rest being more or less perfect I chucked her after 4 dates. Of course the next day I realised what I'd done and tried to get her back but that was it.

Being human with needs, the sex would have to take first place, even if the provider went home afterwards. It would make everything else easier to cope with and I could always look for conversations elsewhere knowing the other side would be covered. Amd when I say sex, I mean the general business, the actual job is over quickly and half way down the list of preferences. You'll have to guess the rest above it but when I say sex that's how I mean it as so many people use it in the narrow sense which I don't. And having missed each stage beyond the one I got with everyone up to it is another reason I'm so bitter and twisted, especially as the last was in 1980. I'm not even that fussy, women either pass or fail and I think at least 5% pass. That's a hell of a lot of women to be rejected by and the one my friend has was one of the best and she would have had me if not him. Nothing about me that does it, it's pure circumstances. My latest equation. Whatever you want the most is hardest to get. So Newport wants fame but has a wife . I may become famous but want both. Others have neither and want one person. Buddhism says whatever you get you want more until you stop wanting. Others say you must satisfy all your wants before you become enlightened, which makes far more sense. But why make it such a challenge?