Pissing around

That is what I've been doing all day, not a bit of anything constructive in outsider's terms, but I began by running Google Earth for the first time, which is like Getmapping but 1000 times closer and clearer and navigates as you press the arrows and zooms infinitely variably. They clearly seem to take the whole earth as a view (no idea how they cover it all) but once I found my house saw the cars outside and plastic falling off my garage roof could see it was at least a year old. But it's a hobby I'll be exploiting for some time I suspect. I also looked up the address of someone I met on holiday in 1974, and for the first time saw the pub where he lived in the North of Scotland Struy Inn

It's only 4 O clock, so maybe something more useful will get done next, I've had to record a whole heap of programmes as I'm going to my mum and she refuses to watch Big Brother, but the trouble is Friday is eviction night and there's only a 50-50 chance I can get home without hearing the result somehow. I hate lots of TV programmes but not enough not to allow them on my tv...
I'm taking the camera with me as there are a few more locations, and I also have the freedom to take absolutely everything now I have a Flickr Pro account. But the toll of being on my own for nearly 3 days is showing, I'm beginning to feel like a castaway and is a similar feeling to going for a poo without anything to read. Pretty lost. I am now following up a new project to try out an antenna that can twist space and time. I'm getting it around next week, and will have to apparently be careful what I wish for as I may be playing with more than I bargained for. Or not. But this is from someone I know who is honest and have no reason to think he's imagining it, but I can only know by testing it myself.

Otherwise it's exactly a month since my friend said he'd try and email me about his plans to stay in America. Clearly I am the bottom of his list of priorities now I'm so far away and I've just had to accept I am in the past to him however much they'll always be in the present for me regardless of distance. Some people put down deeper roots than others, and others can move on and virtually forget their past for the present. Not me, the longer I've lived here the more attached I've become to little things like road signs, paths, houses and other features I've often known all my life. I couldn't see the point of moving to any other country once you've become used to your own, which is why one of my requirements for a wife would be not to move abroad. I'd be so lost in another country the marriage would mean little in comparison. I remember any holiday that wasn't up to scratch in the past I just counted the days till home, and even on some of the good ones started to miss local scenes after a while. Dogs and cats again. A dog will follow its owner anywhere, but a cat likes home and can go back for miles after the family moves.

So, I need a woman who sees the person as overshadowing all their faults. That means she (just as I do) has no need to go to places with that person, but being with them is enough. I know this happens in many marriages where one person falls apart and the other sticks with them, but it can happen when you meet someone who's already falling apart and still accept them. And the right woman would help many of my issues so would be bound to improve as well. I hope. Meanwhile just for fun I think of the woman abroad who is happy to travel alone and has no apparent need for a man. There are two sides to this. The negative is that she may not want a man at all, but the positive is is she gets one wouldn't rely on them to take her everywhere. When I go out on my own (as I usually do nowadays) it would be enough to know I was coming home to someone (which I don't). Of course all the usual stuff would be done together, but travelling and going to shows isn't my thing any more, and any woman will just have to take me as I am. There is a strange phenomenon when I can switch and be able to do things but it's a random process, besides having the tablets that contributed to my inner peace suddenly being rejected by my intestines. The ones I take now take the edge off, but they are not constant like the others, I take them as and when I need them and they don't last all day on a single dosage.

On a final note, the number of intelligent educated people I know on the same or similar tablets to me is incredible. It's as if my own reaction to 21st century life is spreading and soon, because many places have become so uncivilised, will become a normal reaction as more people reach their tolerance limits. When I was in Devon my maximum tests were sitting in a concert (which I used to try every few weeks or so just to practice) or spending the night in a woman's room. The nearest towns could be reached in 15-20 minutes for as many miles, and though even Newton Abbott may have gone the way of everywhere else since I was last there Totnes never could be, and when desperate we could always go to Paignton for extra supplies which is pretty suburban. Both myself and my father nearly moved there years ago, he was unable to sell his house and I was unable to get a job so it didn't happen, but it was a possibility for a while had, as per usual, other people made our decisions for us.
That is over half our lives, we are where we are partly through one person's choice which either did or didn't conflict with ours. I live here as a person changed his mind about accepting my offer on his house about 10 miles away. We didn't move away from London altogether as my father took so long to sell his house and by the time he did I already had my house in Surrey where he still lives. Even the car I have was because the person I know with a car for sale was too busy to contact me, and by the time someone wanted mine the other one I wanted was sold, and mine turned up literally off my father's road a few days later. My choice was limited by what was available rather than exactly what I wanted. So if you combine a person's decision as to whether they want to:

go out with you
sell you their house
buy or sell a car
use your work
marry you
employ you
reply to your letter/email
do a job for you
come to visit you
live in another place/country

etc etc., you see many of the biggest elements of our lives such as where we live, our jobs, cars and partners depend at least half on another person's choice combined with our own. And in the partner case (my own problem) it's 100% their choice and none of yours as no matter how much you like someone it means jack shit unless it's their feeling as well. QED