Fatalism

I wonder what a prisoner would write about in a blog? Not much happening there, especially if in solitary. Well when all I do is leave the house for an hour to take a few pictures somewhere I've taken them 5 times before as that is all there is to do means there isn't much to report. I haven't even got in touch with the only woman standing (with some good reason) and there has been no news of any sort with only the arrival of a couple of music DVDs to break the monotony. I've heard nothing yet about the next TV (online) appearance, officially 2 months left of autumn so no rush for them to remove their fingers from deep within their media rectums. The 4th showing isn't for ages and I'll only be able to see it on DVD once they send it.

It has got simply boring, everything that shows promise ends in anticlimax, and if I'm given messages in dreams that all is well why does nothing in my life happen to reflect that? I am using youtube now for hypnosis, meditation and psychic development lessons, can I do any more? Can I bollocks. I think I managed half a job on my growing list last week, ahead may be one or two this week but none are that urgent anyway. And of course I don't expect more as so far there has been no more. Of course every good thing in life doesn't have to be earned. The best things are often there when you are born or soon after, or just arrive on their own. All you earn is money and that's only one area of success, more of a need than a want. Two people I thought knew better just blew me out as well, and for what it's worth I just found the site of someone from Big Brother who I just emailed so who knows.

I also learnt we can't dig ourselves out of these situations directly, and probably not at all, as much as we can't change the weather. Invite 100 people out and they can all say no, and I know you only need one good one anyway. Look at sport, England dumped out of Europe (again), the rugby (as expected) and Lewis Hamilton's car packs up to let Mr Nobody win the world title. Now Ronny O'Sullivan is about to lose a final to a Chinaman (not that anyone else besides Jimmy White would be any better). Out of our control, we have a minor part in our lives, we have the power to say yes and no, where we go and some of the things we do, but nothing lasting or very useful outside exams. They have a structure not found elsewhere so although there isn't the finality of a failure there isn't the organisation of planning the process. Try saying 'I'm going to get a girlfriend' 'I'm going to be famous' or better still 'I'm going to be happy'. No way. They happen when they want to, not when you do. That is life and so far no one can tell me any different.