Powerless?

Habitually returning to my place of unloading, although what I can unload is far from original. Facebook has mopped up more time finding more people from my past, helpful till I meet some in the present but so far none near enough to actually see again. Nothing has actually happened, and sometimes I wonder if it will. OK my 4th TV showing is essential to complete its series although no one here can even watch it. But I'll see it on DVD and know it's probably had more viewers than any other although none can bump into me unless they're 'vacationing' round Brent Cross or Finchley Road which is hardly likely.

The following week is little different from every other in the diary, and as little ever happens outside the diary projection (does it for anyone?) I see a few photos in Hampstead and maybe related areas, and if I get really bored may buy a new video camera to keep me doing something outdoors. Now it's dark most of the day it would be write my next article followed by more paintings no one will ever buy. They look nice but produce nothing for me.
One little development is people are starting to ask me spiritual questions. To be honest my own development is limited to the sort of clairvoyance anyone can learn in 5 minutes and just keep on repeating. And knowing you can see auras. Hardly a requirement for a visiting teacher in an ashram is it? But I was born with intuition and however little use this knowledge is for me it helps others so it's a start. Like sitting in a pile of shit and telling other people how to escape from their own while having no way to leave yours. It happens and is no joke. Not if you're in it.

Can anyone ever see something good clairvoyantly? I have seen bad things in advance so I suppose why not good? It's about bloody time I can tell you. I have a haircut booked for Tuesday, path cleaning Wednesday and who knows what gems beyond? And that's the good stuff. My imagination doesn't stretch beyond that and although I appear to have come across my guardian angel in a dream she hasn't done a lot since I woke up. All this cack about needing to work, struggle and suffer to gain anything isn't true, and even if it was I haven't got anything the easy way. My degree took 5 years, I had to go to lectures for 15 months to qualify for my meditation course and really all I got was some money to buy some of my house, mainly as by the time it was offered the prices had gone up so much more was needed. Long story but that was the outcome. Otherwise I've done it all the hard way, with a little financial subsidy which is not rare for those of a certain social group. But I seem to have been through much more than most, and the only reasons I didn't have jobs is no one would give me any when I didn't. And all I discovered there was you can suffer nearly as much stress without a job as with one. The world has many angles the shit can aim from and work is just the biggest. Hospital visits (to others), possible financial ruin, neighbours, poor health, incontinent pets and their uninvited visitors, accusations, vanishing friends, other disappointments and Ken Livingstone.

No surprise really the balance seems slightly tilted to the negative, each person or event that offers a potential return ends short or never arrives at all. I've spelled this list out before but has coloured my view as a result. It can change in a second and I remember when it was quite different, but no way I can do it by will.