I've still been around, and do my daily blog elsewhere nowadays when more people actually see it. But I've also ended up opening another blog here understandingfraud.blogspot.com as my two articles generated no interest from publishers so put them plus the climate conspiracy page there so anyone can read them directly. It shunted the third to another page even I have trouble locating although it's my blog, but all there now.
Meanwhile I've been taking photos on trips for the map a few times a week and running out of places I can get to in daylight now till the spring. I then returned to my popular video tours and the camera's corrupting the files so spent two days editing rickets and counting, currently placing a message I haven't paid for the program on the film as that was the only one which processes corrupt files. Bastards.
My life has been active so far, and besides learning more meditation methods (each has a different purpose, they don't duplicate function) end up each time completing projects but being in exactly the place I was before. I am following the route of Conversations with God (down Roger, it's nothing to do with religion) by learning to control my own life directly, far more traditional witchcraft than modern religion. Based on the multidimensional model, where we are limited by three dimensions through our senses and then learn to open up to more, ultimately infinite. That is the name of my game and any mention of God is incidental as it's a personal mission with instructions from books and lectures. The actual end is the name of God 'I am', as in I am God. Then it makes sense. Examples being when I can start off knowing very little about a subject I'm interested in, and start answering a question on it and the answers just flow. Then sooner or later it turns out I'm right. This is the psychic level of linking with universal mind, as it's all out there, but 3D minds tell us they don't have the evidence and won't accept it. But the longer I watch the more there is, and Barack Obama is proving to work for the enemy in every move he makes, as I spotted on day one. You end up having to trust such information on the source (me in this case) alone once they've got a track record. I trust myself now on it anyway.
So in trying to control life I must look for the reason for everything. The ones which are obvious messages imply the rest are not so obvious, and as Jung said, when you see the motive behind everything then nothing can be hidden from you again. He used psychoanalysis, I use other methods not requiring others to help in person. For instance I've reached the point now where my two outdoor activities are closed for a bit, and although still free and have things to do indoors like to go out first before settling down for the evening. I have a couple of longer photo trips I could do before spring but need a long run and the energy to do them. Since I've discovered my life seems to be guided in this way I am hoping whatever happens something will point me in the right direction tomorrow and find something useful to do. Besides the possible photos if not then at the moment I'm stumped. I made a video today which proved my camera is now faulty as I bought a new pack of DVDs and it did the same thing it did last time, so short of buying a new one (who does repairs now?) am going to need a program and days to edit them (you'd be amazed how long it takes- saving the project at the end takes over an hour let alone loading them and cutting bits out) as it makes a good film and leaves a virus thingie in it that only one program can currently deal with and then covers the screen with its message to say I shouldn't be using it.
The aim it to reach a point when I have more than I did before, so when a job is done I don't return to the same place I was already. There's a list of alternative improvements which are required, and as none are technically in my direct sayso will just keep going and aim myself there indirectly. I've been around long enough to know limits and on a programme last week a sociologist was talking about so many false hopes people have they can sort things out which aren't in their power to do so. In the end the best thing we can change is ourselves, and the better we are the less the crap outside bothers us. I keep at it and if no one wants to publish my work, women aren't interested in me without a certificate of insanity and my friends move further and further away that may not be fixable but I just won't mind so much. It's the best we can do without a miracle.
Showing posts with label power. Show all posts
Showing posts with label power. Show all posts
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Inspiration required
My current task, to convert potential freedom to something interesting. I've done what I had to do today (get a quite expensive memory card fixed for nothing on my camera) and have basically cleared all the expansive vista of shit from the past week and in my opinion did pretty well. The last time it was clear plenty arrived to keep me busy, and one of those times other people have to be as much responsible as me. I've also got the car radio (which I have to pay for) to fix on Tuesday so I can listen to more than one station and that's it.
If the next decade of my life (a month ahead roughly) means dropping the bar even lower for marriage material I may be after blokes at this rate. No, that won't happen but some of the women may resemble them... I mean we all need to eat but won't eat anything even if good for us. Of course we'd die without food so if I had to eat some creepy crawlies to stay alive I probably would, but won't die if I don't share my life with one. And I had another offer, but as women turn down 80% (or more) of offers to them I'm entitled to turn down 20% of the ones I get. Not even a road test here unless it comes gift wrapped.
Tomorrow is the beginning of my new project, fill the space and time. No photos as by the time the cleaner arrives it'll almost be dark, but the one thing I should do is phone the only woman I like who stood by me intermittently for over 30 years before dropping me like most of the others. A final ending there. That's a start anyway, and presumably Streetviewing will continue regardless until every road is covered (pretty close already). Despite the latest and best sign being invisible on it. But quite a few were not and damn useful to have had. Now the other thread that can be tapped (it happens now and again) is miracles. Rather than spread it so wide, I'll go for one type, and a very rare one, people changing their minds.
Now technically I could write another article on this. It does happen sometimes, especially in politics, but not for personal or work decisions. Even I don't very much. Not that I make any that affect other people so rarely had the need to be persuaded. If I was a lot of the time unless the person was a criminal or thereabouts I may give in just to do my bit as a saint. Giving up your own pride to help someone who needs it is the act of a saint as how many times has it happened to you? Not many I'd guess. I have a list of arseholes and twats who have stitched me up badly in the last few years, and the ones I know would be more likely to 'walk up the Strand with their cock/alternative in their hand' (to quote an old rugby song) than swallow their pride and apologise or equivalent.
And have I come across (and still do) some prizewinners. Twat of the century level. If I didn't value my life I'd like to name each one and why here, but those things have a way of coming back and biting you, but basically they:
Called me every name under the sun after I did them a favour and never spoke to me again.
Set me up to wreck my plan to replace an old sign and then insulted me for it.
Pretended he'd fix an old sign and then planned to remove it after I said where it was.
Wasted three of my newspaper interviews.
Sacked me from a voluntary position after 5 hard working years for a reason created to do so.
Wrote a parking ticket after I asked if it was OK to park where I did (having paid for a ticket).
I'm sure there are others but that's a standard selection. That is the reason some put curses on people as there's no other legal way to get revenge, but following Buddhism I see it as their lower nature and move on. I don't think they'll get any karma as sadists always seem to succeed, but it's not my job to reform anyone, that's what miracles are for.
If the next decade of my life (a month ahead roughly) means dropping the bar even lower for marriage material I may be after blokes at this rate. No, that won't happen but some of the women may resemble them... I mean we all need to eat but won't eat anything even if good for us. Of course we'd die without food so if I had to eat some creepy crawlies to stay alive I probably would, but won't die if I don't share my life with one. And I had another offer, but as women turn down 80% (or more) of offers to them I'm entitled to turn down 20% of the ones I get. Not even a road test here unless it comes gift wrapped.
Tomorrow is the beginning of my new project, fill the space and time. No photos as by the time the cleaner arrives it'll almost be dark, but the one thing I should do is phone the only woman I like who stood by me intermittently for over 30 years before dropping me like most of the others. A final ending there. That's a start anyway, and presumably Streetviewing will continue regardless until every road is covered (pretty close already). Despite the latest and best sign being invisible on it. But quite a few were not and damn useful to have had. Now the other thread that can be tapped (it happens now and again) is miracles. Rather than spread it so wide, I'll go for one type, and a very rare one, people changing their minds.
Now technically I could write another article on this. It does happen sometimes, especially in politics, but not for personal or work decisions. Even I don't very much. Not that I make any that affect other people so rarely had the need to be persuaded. If I was a lot of the time unless the person was a criminal or thereabouts I may give in just to do my bit as a saint. Giving up your own pride to help someone who needs it is the act of a saint as how many times has it happened to you? Not many I'd guess. I have a list of arseholes and twats who have stitched me up badly in the last few years, and the ones I know would be more likely to 'walk up the Strand with their cock/alternative in their hand' (to quote an old rugby song) than swallow their pride and apologise or equivalent.
And have I come across (and still do) some prizewinners. Twat of the century level. If I didn't value my life I'd like to name each one and why here, but those things have a way of coming back and biting you, but basically they:
Called me every name under the sun after I did them a favour and never spoke to me again.
Set me up to wreck my plan to replace an old sign and then insulted me for it.
Pretended he'd fix an old sign and then planned to remove it after I said where it was.
Wasted three of my newspaper interviews.
Sacked me from a voluntary position after 5 hard working years for a reason created to do so.
Wrote a parking ticket after I asked if it was OK to park where I did (having paid for a ticket).
I'm sure there are others but that's a standard selection. That is the reason some put curses on people as there's no other legal way to get revenge, but following Buddhism I see it as their lower nature and move on. I don't think they'll get any karma as sadists always seem to succeed, but it's not my job to reform anyone, that's what miracles are for.
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
We get what is given
There are two possibilities. Either things get better or they don't. I keep busy regardless but will always know what I'm missing especially as I've experienced enough to know the difference. But all the activity won't change the outside decisions. I asked someone else from the past to meet me a couple of days ago, despite the distance, just in case. Otherwise it's like waiting for the rain to come. You can play video games, watch TV, wander around but it doesn't change the lack of rain.
Meanwhile life goes on. My own philosophy seems to simplify life more and more as it is really simply a method of trying to get as much pleasure from our time here as possible. The problems arise when something or someone tries to stop them, or they are sabotaged by circumstances like illness. It's not easy. But the cack so many people let ruin their lives will never cease to amaze me. There are so many spoiled children out there that don't just get free ice cream but scream the house down as it's the wrong fucking flavour. Ungrateful sums it up. I am now happy for every small thing I have and more and more overlook the problems as long as they have no lasting effect. I've had enough to learn it. And if I can everyone can as problems and their reactions are universal.
For example, people who whinge for years when a relationship breaks up. What? We are all born naked and alone, and besides our parents (which some don't even have then if they've died or left) that is the most we can take for granted. How anyone can be devastated when anyone outside that family goes, so their lives are ruined for an indefinite period is handing the power to the enemy. Every person who isn't a blood relative is extra and not designed to be a permanent part of our lives. If we believe we are we have handed our power to them, and instead of enjoy them while we can we can get so attached we become dependent on them. Not me thank you. 24 hours to mourn the loss and back to business. Learnt it after the first time when my friend asked me how long I wanted the bitches to ruin my life. I said a day was enough and that was that. Easy. Never got me since. How can you miss what isn't yours in the first place? Our family is part of us so we lose someone who can never be replaced as they are unique, but others pass throughout our lives, if we are ready for it we won't be caught in the trap.
Funnily enough I came here first as Funtrivia is down, just when I wrote my first quiz in 10 months. So it made me think of what I'd learnt recently to add here as whatever insights I have are used in my work unless they are too confrontational. And when life simplifies itself for me all the time I see less and less that can't be understood by everyone. And none work on trust as you can see for yourself by checking. So in a way I may be reporting negativity in my own life but much positive for others. As despite simplifying it also simplifies our limits, and I spend a few years asking anyone I could and not one offered a single door in the wall of powerlessness. My suspicion was right, some situations are totally passive with no trick or little known methods that were kept secret. It's all as it seems and there are no hidden exits besides inner changes through meditation. But the world outside is the same as watching it on TV besides our own input as a single person against millions. Not a lot of difference there then.
I have also reached a point where I'd prefer answering questions on all this than repeating the same principles in different ways. Practical applications will vary for each question and the answers tend to come from the same area so work for virtually everything even if you may not like them. How many millionaire motivational speakers tell you you can do fuck all but get on with something else and forget about it? Not many people would pay to hear that advice but many times it's the truth. So all you can do is use the resources that are here and the others simply don't exist. Like my video editing program. If the tools aren't provided the work can't be done, end of. But besides that advice the rest is pretty practical so that is just the worst case, and can be quite liberating as once you realise nothing can be done you can let go and drop it.
Meanwhile life goes on. My own philosophy seems to simplify life more and more as it is really simply a method of trying to get as much pleasure from our time here as possible. The problems arise when something or someone tries to stop them, or they are sabotaged by circumstances like illness. It's not easy. But the cack so many people let ruin their lives will never cease to amaze me. There are so many spoiled children out there that don't just get free ice cream but scream the house down as it's the wrong fucking flavour. Ungrateful sums it up. I am now happy for every small thing I have and more and more overlook the problems as long as they have no lasting effect. I've had enough to learn it. And if I can everyone can as problems and their reactions are universal.
For example, people who whinge for years when a relationship breaks up. What? We are all born naked and alone, and besides our parents (which some don't even have then if they've died or left) that is the most we can take for granted. How anyone can be devastated when anyone outside that family goes, so their lives are ruined for an indefinite period is handing the power to the enemy. Every person who isn't a blood relative is extra and not designed to be a permanent part of our lives. If we believe we are we have handed our power to them, and instead of enjoy them while we can we can get so attached we become dependent on them. Not me thank you. 24 hours to mourn the loss and back to business. Learnt it after the first time when my friend asked me how long I wanted the bitches to ruin my life. I said a day was enough and that was that. Easy. Never got me since. How can you miss what isn't yours in the first place? Our family is part of us so we lose someone who can never be replaced as they are unique, but others pass throughout our lives, if we are ready for it we won't be caught in the trap.
Funnily enough I came here first as Funtrivia is down, just when I wrote my first quiz in 10 months. So it made me think of what I'd learnt recently to add here as whatever insights I have are used in my work unless they are too confrontational. And when life simplifies itself for me all the time I see less and less that can't be understood by everyone. And none work on trust as you can see for yourself by checking. So in a way I may be reporting negativity in my own life but much positive for others. As despite simplifying it also simplifies our limits, and I spend a few years asking anyone I could and not one offered a single door in the wall of powerlessness. My suspicion was right, some situations are totally passive with no trick or little known methods that were kept secret. It's all as it seems and there are no hidden exits besides inner changes through meditation. But the world outside is the same as watching it on TV besides our own input as a single person against millions. Not a lot of difference there then.
I have also reached a point where I'd prefer answering questions on all this than repeating the same principles in different ways. Practical applications will vary for each question and the answers tend to come from the same area so work for virtually everything even if you may not like them. How many millionaire motivational speakers tell you you can do fuck all but get on with something else and forget about it? Not many people would pay to hear that advice but many times it's the truth. So all you can do is use the resources that are here and the others simply don't exist. Like my video editing program. If the tools aren't provided the work can't be done, end of. But besides that advice the rest is pretty practical so that is just the worst case, and can be quite liberating as once you realise nothing can be done you can let go and drop it.
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Current details (pun intended)
Stone me, less blogging and more living for a change. It happens. And even some work.
I seem to have this mission (along with many others) of refuting every plausible and less plausible appeal by the world's rulers to reduce our carbon footprints. In effect it means 'Please reduce your activities to those of the dark ages and pay us for the privilege'
I only have one thing to say to every propagandist who is promoting the evil lie of man made global warming:
"FUCK YOU!"
Right, now I've got that little message off my chest, I'll go over my current plans. Besides writing this on my new laptop (they really are cheap as chips now, or a tank of petrol, and the old one was dying by the day) the other little projects are slowly coming on, with end of the month deadlines. My global quiz has a week before I graduate, all things (ie computer reliability) being equal, and after 3 before the practice has raised me to 9th in the world, against some of the best players around. Three weeks maximum to complete that one, maybe less. More when it finishes.
Currently nothing needed to do this week beyond the usual little bookings, and unless a woman or psychic event takes my attention am tending to play timed quizzes in my dreams. It's an incredible workout for the mind, your memory becomes sharper and faster and your logic improves working out the right answers from four options. So not a waste of time or effort in any way.
Plans include (besides gardening) little more than waiting and hoping at the moment really. I've got more alien abductee work coming up ahead including being regressed myself, and the hypnotist is now ready. Last week dealt with most of the big admin jobs, car MOT sorted out, professional renewal sent off etc, so the work is over for now although the renewal is never automatic. I'm still promoting Tesla technology as the answer to the energy crisis (which sadly is real) and like my campaign against the global warming monster lie, will keep going and currently aiming to get a prototype generator built from spreading the word to enough people who could do it. I've seen many new technologies disproved, but no one's ever done so with Tesla. And if correct there'd be little need to invent anything else as if you can generate power by magnetic induction (not that I know how he did it but that's the closest I can make out) it's easy as piss and almost free to do as the paired generators amplify the power to more or less infinity (according to the articles I've read).
One thing that also interests me is why no one's ever tried to sell me global warming here. Most forums have their sheep who genuinely believe I'm evil or misguided, and like born again Christians must try and save my soul from the devil of disbelief. Maybe because they can't find a word to disagree with? I suspect the same reason no one's ever sued David Icke for libel when he calls powerful people criminals is because he may actually be telling the truth. There are few other defences to libel.
I seem to have this mission (along with many others) of refuting every plausible and less plausible appeal by the world's rulers to reduce our carbon footprints. In effect it means 'Please reduce your activities to those of the dark ages and pay us for the privilege'
I only have one thing to say to every propagandist who is promoting the evil lie of man made global warming:
"FUCK YOU!"
Right, now I've got that little message off my chest, I'll go over my current plans. Besides writing this on my new laptop (they really are cheap as chips now, or a tank of petrol, and the old one was dying by the day) the other little projects are slowly coming on, with end of the month deadlines. My global quiz has a week before I graduate, all things (ie computer reliability) being equal, and after 3 before the practice has raised me to 9th in the world, against some of the best players around. Three weeks maximum to complete that one, maybe less. More when it finishes.
Currently nothing needed to do this week beyond the usual little bookings, and unless a woman or psychic event takes my attention am tending to play timed quizzes in my dreams. It's an incredible workout for the mind, your memory becomes sharper and faster and your logic improves working out the right answers from four options. So not a waste of time or effort in any way.
Plans include (besides gardening) little more than waiting and hoping at the moment really. I've got more alien abductee work coming up ahead including being regressed myself, and the hypnotist is now ready. Last week dealt with most of the big admin jobs, car MOT sorted out, professional renewal sent off etc, so the work is over for now although the renewal is never automatic. I'm still promoting Tesla technology as the answer to the energy crisis (which sadly is real) and like my campaign against the global warming monster lie, will keep going and currently aiming to get a prototype generator built from spreading the word to enough people who could do it. I've seen many new technologies disproved, but no one's ever done so with Tesla. And if correct there'd be little need to invent anything else as if you can generate power by magnetic induction (not that I know how he did it but that's the closest I can make out) it's easy as piss and almost free to do as the paired generators amplify the power to more or less infinity (according to the articles I've read).
One thing that also interests me is why no one's ever tried to sell me global warming here. Most forums have their sheep who genuinely believe I'm evil or misguided, and like born again Christians must try and save my soul from the devil of disbelief. Maybe because they can't find a word to disagree with? I suspect the same reason no one's ever sued David Icke for libel when he calls powerful people criminals is because he may actually be telling the truth. There are few other defences to libel.
Monday, October 29, 2007
Powerless?
Habitually returning to my place of unloading, although what I can unload is far from original. Facebook has mopped up more time finding more people from my past, helpful till I meet some in the present but so far none near enough to actually see again. Nothing has actually happened, and sometimes I wonder if it will. OK my 4th TV showing is essential to complete its series although no one here can even watch it. But I'll see it on DVD and know it's probably had more viewers than any other although none can bump into me unless they're 'vacationing' round Brent Cross or Finchley Road which is hardly likely.
The following week is little different from every other in the diary, and as little ever happens outside the diary projection (does it for anyone?) I see a few photos in Hampstead and maybe related areas, and if I get really bored may buy a new video camera to keep me doing something outdoors. Now it's dark most of the day it would be write my next article followed by more paintings no one will ever buy. They look nice but produce nothing for me.
One little development is people are starting to ask me spiritual questions. To be honest my own development is limited to the sort of clairvoyance anyone can learn in 5 minutes and just keep on repeating. And knowing you can see auras. Hardly a requirement for a visiting teacher in an ashram is it? But I was born with intuition and however little use this knowledge is for me it helps others so it's a start. Like sitting in a pile of shit and telling other people how to escape from their own while having no way to leave yours. It happens and is no joke. Not if you're in it.
Can anyone ever see something good clairvoyantly? I have seen bad things in advance so I suppose why not good? It's about bloody time I can tell you. I have a haircut booked for Tuesday, path cleaning Wednesday and who knows what gems beyond? And that's the good stuff. My imagination doesn't stretch beyond that and although I appear to have come across my guardian angel in a dream she hasn't done a lot since I woke up. All this cack about needing to work, struggle and suffer to gain anything isn't true, and even if it was I haven't got anything the easy way. My degree took 5 years, I had to go to lectures for 15 months to qualify for my meditation course and really all I got was some money to buy some of my house, mainly as by the time it was offered the prices had gone up so much more was needed. Long story but that was the outcome. Otherwise I've done it all the hard way, with a little financial subsidy which is not rare for those of a certain social group. But I seem to have been through much more than most, and the only reasons I didn't have jobs is no one would give me any when I didn't. And all I discovered there was you can suffer nearly as much stress without a job as with one. The world has many angles the shit can aim from and work is just the biggest. Hospital visits (to others), possible financial ruin, neighbours, poor health, incontinent pets and their uninvited visitors, accusations, vanishing friends, other disappointments and Ken Livingstone.
No surprise really the balance seems slightly tilted to the negative, each person or event that offers a potential return ends short or never arrives at all. I've spelled this list out before but has coloured my view as a result. It can change in a second and I remember when it was quite different, but no way I can do it by will.
The following week is little different from every other in the diary, and as little ever happens outside the diary projection (does it for anyone?) I see a few photos in Hampstead and maybe related areas, and if I get really bored may buy a new video camera to keep me doing something outdoors. Now it's dark most of the day it would be write my next article followed by more paintings no one will ever buy. They look nice but produce nothing for me.
One little development is people are starting to ask me spiritual questions. To be honest my own development is limited to the sort of clairvoyance anyone can learn in 5 minutes and just keep on repeating. And knowing you can see auras. Hardly a requirement for a visiting teacher in an ashram is it? But I was born with intuition and however little use this knowledge is for me it helps others so it's a start. Like sitting in a pile of shit and telling other people how to escape from their own while having no way to leave yours. It happens and is no joke. Not if you're in it.
Can anyone ever see something good clairvoyantly? I have seen bad things in advance so I suppose why not good? It's about bloody time I can tell you. I have a haircut booked for Tuesday, path cleaning Wednesday and who knows what gems beyond? And that's the good stuff. My imagination doesn't stretch beyond that and although I appear to have come across my guardian angel in a dream she hasn't done a lot since I woke up. All this cack about needing to work, struggle and suffer to gain anything isn't true, and even if it was I haven't got anything the easy way. My degree took 5 years, I had to go to lectures for 15 months to qualify for my meditation course and really all I got was some money to buy some of my house, mainly as by the time it was offered the prices had gone up so much more was needed. Long story but that was the outcome. Otherwise I've done it all the hard way, with a little financial subsidy which is not rare for those of a certain social group. But I seem to have been through much more than most, and the only reasons I didn't have jobs is no one would give me any when I didn't. And all I discovered there was you can suffer nearly as much stress without a job as with one. The world has many angles the shit can aim from and work is just the biggest. Hospital visits (to others), possible financial ruin, neighbours, poor health, incontinent pets and their uninvited visitors, accusations, vanishing friends, other disappointments and Ken Livingstone.
No surprise really the balance seems slightly tilted to the negative, each person or event that offers a potential return ends short or never arrives at all. I've spelled this list out before but has coloured my view as a result. It can change in a second and I remember when it was quite different, but no way I can do it by will.
Monday, September 03, 2007
Do we have the power?
I am still working on understanding how life turns out like a TV script. So much seems arranged, good or bad but similar phases. If the theory is true I am dreaming it all then I'm not writing this for anyone else as there's only me here. As god. I create everything, but not as the bible but hell, chaos. All is random and uncontrolled, until I learn to control it (possibly with the law of attraction, if it works) and become an adept. And whatever the mind conceives the control and awareness of the true situation is better than before, as that is in the messages.
Why it would be arranged to start with so much, lose it all gradually and end up with a house, qualifications and sod all is a mystery. I have family but have to make the effort to see them/vice versa, none live with me, and anyone who's read this will know my last regularly seen friend went away in 2002. One good thing about the internet is I've discovered there's no shortage of decent friend material, but obviously few I meet online live close enough to see, at least no more than once so far. But I can explain success in every aspect of life as I did before, it's like meditation. We all do the same thing but the results vary dramatically. We can only start success, others finish it, hence my predicament. I know exactly where I could be but can't buy a ticket there. Like the past. As my friend Gabriel says, if we want something whose fault is it? Who gave us that desire? No one. It is there already, it's how we are designed. We have no say in it so no blame, only over what we choose to do with said desire, ie pay or steal. But the desire has a life of its own and is no more under our control as any other feeling. Every method I learnt to change our feelings is hit and miss and at best works at random. Often if I meditate for an hour I feel one or two ticks better than before but it probably doesn't last that long.
But it removes the blame and responsibility as well, as we start everything but can't finish it. Even if I paint the best painting in the world I may never sell it. That happens all the time. There's more decent art and music around that will never be seen or heard by many or paid for that's as good or better than what is, and we can only do our best. And whatever we are not doing that we feel guilty about most are doing something else of equal value, and we can't do both. Don't ever feel if it doesn't hurt it can't win, that's oppression, like the twits in the gym who push too far. I stop when it's an effort and as a result have nearly 5 years with no injuries. Well, there are the facts, I haven't had time to read many blogs this week but will do, and with most comments I gain a reader. We'll get the network going again now it's been repaired, I just wonder why it was off for so long. And is Carla still reading I wonder?
Well the net froze but I managed to copy and save it and this is my second try. And had it decided not to keep it then I couldn't. A good example.
Why it would be arranged to start with so much, lose it all gradually and end up with a house, qualifications and sod all is a mystery. I have family but have to make the effort to see them/vice versa, none live with me, and anyone who's read this will know my last regularly seen friend went away in 2002. One good thing about the internet is I've discovered there's no shortage of decent friend material, but obviously few I meet online live close enough to see, at least no more than once so far. But I can explain success in every aspect of life as I did before, it's like meditation. We all do the same thing but the results vary dramatically. We can only start success, others finish it, hence my predicament. I know exactly where I could be but can't buy a ticket there. Like the past. As my friend Gabriel says, if we want something whose fault is it? Who gave us that desire? No one. It is there already, it's how we are designed. We have no say in it so no blame, only over what we choose to do with said desire, ie pay or steal. But the desire has a life of its own and is no more under our control as any other feeling. Every method I learnt to change our feelings is hit and miss and at best works at random. Often if I meditate for an hour I feel one or two ticks better than before but it probably doesn't last that long.
But it removes the blame and responsibility as well, as we start everything but can't finish it. Even if I paint the best painting in the world I may never sell it. That happens all the time. There's more decent art and music around that will never be seen or heard by many or paid for that's as good or better than what is, and we can only do our best. And whatever we are not doing that we feel guilty about most are doing something else of equal value, and we can't do both. Don't ever feel if it doesn't hurt it can't win, that's oppression, like the twits in the gym who push too far. I stop when it's an effort and as a result have nearly 5 years with no injuries. Well, there are the facts, I haven't had time to read many blogs this week but will do, and with most comments I gain a reader. We'll get the network going again now it's been repaired, I just wonder why it was off for so long. And is Carla still reading I wonder?
Well the net froze but I managed to copy and save it and this is my second try. And had it decided not to keep it then I couldn't. A good example.
Monday, January 29, 2007
Birthday
How anyone can get excited about reaching 47 is anyone's guess, but after 40 I see each year as a badge of survival. I have few if any plans now for the near or distant future, think what I'll do the day before and usually do it. Photos in Highgate tomorrow, if dry. The new sunglasses are great for that, photochromic and no reading part so I can drive and look in all directions without a blurry bit when I'm not reading anything.
An attention to the everyday minor details is something which gets me and many other people through life. Besides having a partner or being enlightened we only really have the little things 99% of the time and may as well make the most of them. I find people I know who go into detail make their life sound interesting, even if sometimes when I've shared it with them found it wasn't. Hull being the best example. However interesting you make it living in Hull can never be more than it is, deadly.
Besides all that I managed to find just over £5 worth of recent antiques for my birthday money usage today, the more expensive stuff wasn't there and besides a few old cars I had similar everything I wanted was dirt cheap for a change. I also have to get new lounge carpets as the others look like a cow lives there. On that front I am faced with another insoluble problem, how to stop living alone. It's not up to me and there's no direct route. From what I read besides a form of prayer/visualisation that's it. I was reminded a third mutual female was around, the first was banned by her mother, the second was too far away and the third was recovered by her ex boyfriend when he heard I was hanging around. I had 3 chances and blew them all. I have no methods and no answers. I accept I am powerless and use my power to do what I can like take photos. All scenes are there already and waiting to be taken. Luckily I find new ones from new angles, and in roads I never used until I pass them on the way somewhere else. And with photobox I can now keep them in a permanent bound book beyond the old print albums I have piled up everywhere.
Seeing no future is scary but realistic, and slowly my attention has to return more and more to the present as that's all there is. Seeing nothing ahead means whatever there is now is likely to continue for eternity, but that's not true either, it's just the mind has to fill the space ahead with something and that's all there is to do it. My minor celebrity never called again despite thinking I did a good job, her loss and privilege if she doesn't want to come back, plenty more do. So, that's the start of 47, as each year passes you get a little more experience and insight and I suppose when you get enough to really make use of it you die. Good system, who thought of it?
An attention to the everyday minor details is something which gets me and many other people through life. Besides having a partner or being enlightened we only really have the little things 99% of the time and may as well make the most of them. I find people I know who go into detail make their life sound interesting, even if sometimes when I've shared it with them found it wasn't. Hull being the best example. However interesting you make it living in Hull can never be more than it is, deadly.
Besides all that I managed to find just over £5 worth of recent antiques for my birthday money usage today, the more expensive stuff wasn't there and besides a few old cars I had similar everything I wanted was dirt cheap for a change. I also have to get new lounge carpets as the others look like a cow lives there. On that front I am faced with another insoluble problem, how to stop living alone. It's not up to me and there's no direct route. From what I read besides a form of prayer/visualisation that's it. I was reminded a third mutual female was around, the first was banned by her mother, the second was too far away and the third was recovered by her ex boyfriend when he heard I was hanging around. I had 3 chances and blew them all. I have no methods and no answers. I accept I am powerless and use my power to do what I can like take photos. All scenes are there already and waiting to be taken. Luckily I find new ones from new angles, and in roads I never used until I pass them on the way somewhere else. And with photobox I can now keep them in a permanent bound book beyond the old print albums I have piled up everywhere.
Seeing no future is scary but realistic, and slowly my attention has to return more and more to the present as that's all there is. Seeing nothing ahead means whatever there is now is likely to continue for eternity, but that's not true either, it's just the mind has to fill the space ahead with something and that's all there is to do it. My minor celebrity never called again despite thinking I did a good job, her loss and privilege if she doesn't want to come back, plenty more do. So, that's the start of 47, as each year passes you get a little more experience and insight and I suppose when you get enough to really make use of it you die. Good system, who thought of it?
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