I've still been around, and do my daily blog elsewhere nowadays when more people actually see it. But I've also ended up opening another blog here understandingfraud.blogspot.com as my two articles generated no interest from publishers so put them plus the climate conspiracy page there so anyone can read them directly. It shunted the third to another page even I have trouble locating although it's my blog, but all there now.
Meanwhile I've been taking photos on trips for the map a few times a week and running out of places I can get to in daylight now till the spring. I then returned to my popular video tours and the camera's corrupting the files so spent two days editing rickets and counting, currently placing a message I haven't paid for the program on the film as that was the only one which processes corrupt files. Bastards.
My life has been active so far, and besides learning more meditation methods (each has a different purpose, they don't duplicate function) end up each time completing projects but being in exactly the place I was before. I am following the route of Conversations with God (down Roger, it's nothing to do with religion) by learning to control my own life directly, far more traditional witchcraft than modern religion. Based on the multidimensional model, where we are limited by three dimensions through our senses and then learn to open up to more, ultimately infinite. That is the name of my game and any mention of God is incidental as it's a personal mission with instructions from books and lectures. The actual end is the name of God 'I am', as in I am God. Then it makes sense. Examples being when I can start off knowing very little about a subject I'm interested in, and start answering a question on it and the answers just flow. Then sooner or later it turns out I'm right. This is the psychic level of linking with universal mind, as it's all out there, but 3D minds tell us they don't have the evidence and won't accept it. But the longer I watch the more there is, and Barack Obama is proving to work for the enemy in every move he makes, as I spotted on day one. You end up having to trust such information on the source (me in this case) alone once they've got a track record. I trust myself now on it anyway.
So in trying to control life I must look for the reason for everything. The ones which are obvious messages imply the rest are not so obvious, and as Jung said, when you see the motive behind everything then nothing can be hidden from you again. He used psychoanalysis, I use other methods not requiring others to help in person. For instance I've reached the point now where my two outdoor activities are closed for a bit, and although still free and have things to do indoors like to go out first before settling down for the evening. I have a couple of longer photo trips I could do before spring but need a long run and the energy to do them. Since I've discovered my life seems to be guided in this way I am hoping whatever happens something will point me in the right direction tomorrow and find something useful to do. Besides the possible photos if not then at the moment I'm stumped. I made a video today which proved my camera is now faulty as I bought a new pack of DVDs and it did the same thing it did last time, so short of buying a new one (who does repairs now?) am going to need a program and days to edit them (you'd be amazed how long it takes- saving the project at the end takes over an hour let alone loading them and cutting bits out) as it makes a good film and leaves a virus thingie in it that only one program can currently deal with and then covers the screen with its message to say I shouldn't be using it.
The aim it to reach a point when I have more than I did before, so when a job is done I don't return to the same place I was already. There's a list of alternative improvements which are required, and as none are technically in my direct sayso will just keep going and aim myself there indirectly. I've been around long enough to know limits and on a programme last week a sociologist was talking about so many false hopes people have they can sort things out which aren't in their power to do so. In the end the best thing we can change is ourselves, and the better we are the less the crap outside bothers us. I keep at it and if no one wants to publish my work, women aren't interested in me without a certificate of insanity and my friends move further and further away that may not be fixable but I just won't mind so much. It's the best we can do without a miracle.
Showing posts with label control. Show all posts
Showing posts with label control. Show all posts
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Doing my accounts
Looking for another book yesterday I found another Celestine Prophecy (I think there's another somewhere as well), and one thing I read was about going with the flow rather than trying to control things, and you actually end up with more than you would if you do. Today was the first test, I'd done Tottenham (thank goodness) yesterday, so no obligations of any sort, didn't want to do the shopping till tomorrow so I could pick up the weekly free paper which is reporting the book launch (with or without my contribution), and had one little local trip which at least got me outside the door. I realised one thing my digital camera can't do is zoom, so got the SLR out with the tripod and started a few of the high views nearby which are impossible to do without one analogue or digital.
The rest of the day was a mystery, so without a clue myself came back, and gradually worked my way through available bits and pieces until the football started at 7.45. I've carried on adding more photos from the past to Geograph, now Streetview can show me exactly where they are, won another mystery word quiz (I think I'm 7th now on the top 10), made a little music video and kept on Streetviewing. My current position is despite collecting quite a lot of goodies both literally and on my CV in the last year or so none have made the slightest difference to my life. If you're alone you can be rich, poor, successful or whatever but you'll still be alone. None of the extras have even added to my social life, as besides indoors there are precious few people around generally as the regulars well know. OK, I really am not complaining as I cope and survive but just assessing the current position as much for my own purpose. The best it can be seen is as laying more foundations. Before instant celebrity most stars had been working the shit jobs for years before they made it, and I suppose (especially reaching 50) I've done every shit job known to man if you go back far enough so certainly done my apprenticeship for any of my ultimate career ambitions.
So tomorrow will be a trip to use more of my christmas vouchers for the next couple of week's food and pick up a copy of the free paper to see the report of the book launch. I may well take the SLR camera with me and do some more views to finish the film before the colour goes funny. I appreciate the freedom and hate the idea I'm wasting it as well remember the years before it when I was only too pleased to get days off. That's what makes me more determined not to waste them while they're here. But so far all the additions I've made are like getting more ornaments from the house. You see something you like, buy it, put it on a shelf and forget about it, and eventually you have to stop as there's no room for any more. They can't change your life either, just clutter up the house. Again I hope that whichever areas are blocked in my life start to shift sooner or later, as they can, and the original statement about releasing control makes it even more certain it's out of my hands. As long as we do our best and rise to whatever occasions present to us then the outcomes are beyond our control. Not our department. People try to make them happen and many claim they have but I think the fact their wishes coincided with their outcome just gave the impression they caused it. One example is all the depressed and generally disturbed celebrities, they succeed at the top of their profession and still don't become happy. It's not one of the direct routes- even meditation involves a lot of work and uncertain results, it's just the nearest way to bypass external conditions for how you feel. But even when it works it doesn't last for many, the few it does are probably the exceptions and considered saints by the cultures who teach it. And I am nowhere near sainthood either.
The rest of the day was a mystery, so without a clue myself came back, and gradually worked my way through available bits and pieces until the football started at 7.45. I've carried on adding more photos from the past to Geograph, now Streetview can show me exactly where they are, won another mystery word quiz (I think I'm 7th now on the top 10), made a little music video and kept on Streetviewing. My current position is despite collecting quite a lot of goodies both literally and on my CV in the last year or so none have made the slightest difference to my life. If you're alone you can be rich, poor, successful or whatever but you'll still be alone. None of the extras have even added to my social life, as besides indoors there are precious few people around generally as the regulars well know. OK, I really am not complaining as I cope and survive but just assessing the current position as much for my own purpose. The best it can be seen is as laying more foundations. Before instant celebrity most stars had been working the shit jobs for years before they made it, and I suppose (especially reaching 50) I've done every shit job known to man if you go back far enough so certainly done my apprenticeship for any of my ultimate career ambitions.
So tomorrow will be a trip to use more of my christmas vouchers for the next couple of week's food and pick up a copy of the free paper to see the report of the book launch. I may well take the SLR camera with me and do some more views to finish the film before the colour goes funny. I appreciate the freedom and hate the idea I'm wasting it as well remember the years before it when I was only too pleased to get days off. That's what makes me more determined not to waste them while they're here. But so far all the additions I've made are like getting more ornaments from the house. You see something you like, buy it, put it on a shelf and forget about it, and eventually you have to stop as there's no room for any more. They can't change your life either, just clutter up the house. Again I hope that whichever areas are blocked in my life start to shift sooner or later, as they can, and the original statement about releasing control makes it even more certain it's out of my hands. As long as we do our best and rise to whatever occasions present to us then the outcomes are beyond our control. Not our department. People try to make them happen and many claim they have but I think the fact their wishes coincided with their outcome just gave the impression they caused it. One example is all the depressed and generally disturbed celebrities, they succeed at the top of their profession and still don't become happy. It's not one of the direct routes- even meditation involves a lot of work and uncertain results, it's just the nearest way to bypass external conditions for how you feel. But even when it works it doesn't last for many, the few it does are probably the exceptions and considered saints by the cultures who teach it. And I am nowhere near sainthood either.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Progress report 2/2010
My next hope is if my life truly has become guided to extend that from finding road signs to all aspects. It's either there or not, and if is then either me or an outside intelligent universe. I would say from teachings it's more likely to be me, as a sign of all the spiritual development and somehow a matter of learning how to control chaos.
The current system is only really whether my photo will make a newspaper, no one would notice it or lead to any more work but at least will have done it. So far in the freedom (although am working tomorrow but really need the money) I've done another video and otherwise been stuck indoors in the rain. I have found another sign on yesterday's marathon Streetview (it's finally added a few more roads) although a repeat it has paint on where the one I have hasn't, so worth a visit.
Of course one aspect of enlightenment is although one realisation is there's no one else here but you, you don't feel alone but connected. That's a typical paradox of it you'll never get until it happens, but just seeing some sort of organisation in what ought to be chaos, and then seeing it seems to be actually working in my favour is half way there and I'd say the second level of enlightenment, as the first is the synchronicities, now they are for some sort of purpose as well. Then choosing them would be the third. In the end you've got it all and detach from it but like any route may not get the whole way in one lifetime.
Another thing that can happen writing this, just as it does in any situation when you talk about your life, is you work things out. Just by putting it all out there you see it clearly in one place and things can fall into place. If nothing else my collections and CV will continue to increase, although none have yet to actually affect my life in any other way (besides eliminating signs I need to look for). I think so far I've had one client because they saw me on TV and that's probably it. But there are foundations, and some most other people don't have, so I have to keep busy and hope whatever I've started keeps going while I'm getting on with other things.
The current system is only really whether my photo will make a newspaper, no one would notice it or lead to any more work but at least will have done it. So far in the freedom (although am working tomorrow but really need the money) I've done another video and otherwise been stuck indoors in the rain. I have found another sign on yesterday's marathon Streetview (it's finally added a few more roads) although a repeat it has paint on where the one I have hasn't, so worth a visit.
Of course one aspect of enlightenment is although one realisation is there's no one else here but you, you don't feel alone but connected. That's a typical paradox of it you'll never get until it happens, but just seeing some sort of organisation in what ought to be chaos, and then seeing it seems to be actually working in my favour is half way there and I'd say the second level of enlightenment, as the first is the synchronicities, now they are for some sort of purpose as well. Then choosing them would be the third. In the end you've got it all and detach from it but like any route may not get the whole way in one lifetime.
Another thing that can happen writing this, just as it does in any situation when you talk about your life, is you work things out. Just by putting it all out there you see it clearly in one place and things can fall into place. If nothing else my collections and CV will continue to increase, although none have yet to actually affect my life in any other way (besides eliminating signs I need to look for). I think so far I've had one client because they saw me on TV and that's probably it. But there are foundations, and some most other people don't have, so I have to keep busy and hope whatever I've started keeps going while I'm getting on with other things.
Monday, February 22, 2010
The guidance continues
I can actually say whatever guidance began last year it's still going. There was what appeared to be a gap, but turned out to be a loop when what it promised did indeed turn up some time later. My interpretation of guidance is where something would have been impossible without a series of totally unconnected events. So the latest was someone did dowsing for me over a map (I do it in my mind and got two areas correctly as well), found a sign in the middle of nowhere, I Googled it, saw the exact sign I thought I saw on Streetview was there, went last week and got it but was a museum exhibit and not official. I put it online and someone who knew I was a collector must have been reminded he had one from 1992 which was in easy reach, but as on a private road no need to remove it. And yesterday I went and saw it as soon as I reached the junction. That is one of the rarest in the country and in perfect condition.
I very much doubt if I hadn't found the first (one photo from the back online only as well, not a single other reference to it anywhere), and without that photo having been taken as it was a museum entrance, they didn't even notice there was a sign in it, I wouldn't have known where in the village it was and wouldn't have gone the 30 or so miles otherwise.
So everything else in my life needs to be joined in it now. My media career crept forward now with the inclusion in the book and photo shoot, and now waiting to hear if it made the paper. I'm pretty certain whatever machine is behind this it's working now, but still need to use the time I have in between usefully. The traditional belief you don't get anything for nothing makes people assume unless you almost kill yourself you'll achieve nothing. In fact it's about knowledge and timing, and the least effort of all is involved unless exams are involved. If that was the criteria I did my effort already and done plenty since- moving house clearing 28 years of family junk on my own (my parents had split up and gone their separate ways by then) in less than a month. I was ill for months after that and only fixed by healing and 36 hours of sleep over three nights. The doctors were at their wits end and I recovered just before I would have been sent for outpatient tests.
I also worked in about four different places, commuting between two or more a day for four years before finding something where I only needed a couple of separate places to work a week. When the school holidays came and there was no teaching I drove a furniture van, delivering and setting up film sets. The fascinating part was being in the location or studio with the director putting everything where they asked, and then sometimes seeing the work you did on TV. Birdseye Potato Waffles I think was our biggest viewing job. Whichever way you look at it I paid my way, and also did the weekly trip to see a video lecture for my meditation course plus a number of extras for 16 months. Being claustrophobic and having to sit quietly in a hall with maybe 100 people crammed in and not miss a week until the master arrived was no joke. He comes once a year and unless you go abroad after 5 months plus and see him yourself you wait till he gets here. At least he didn't come up north when it was my turn, I drove a very easy 50 miles to Brighton which is a holiday resort I know well, and not Birmingham (120 miles) or Manchester (220) which some poor sods had to do a few years later.
So even if you say we need to earn our success I think I have. The media side was begun with amateur theatre at 12, drama classes from 14-19 and cabaret from 16 onwards. My exams had to come first but always kept it up whenever I could. Lack of a union card meant I had to take a side door to TV work via academia, but all the doors reach the same place. So although I'm not an adept yet, where they actually dictate the direction of the guidance, I did swing two very unlikely situations using said methods although science tells me I need many more before I can say I may be responsible. A teacher last week via Facebook said it's all a dream so being an adept simply acknowledges our role as creator and we simply say what we want and it starts becoming real, as it's all ours anyway. And he told every listener to share it so I am, and I am (as in the bible), is his key to success. Out loud say what you want to be a few times, then in your head, and just keep going on one subject and see what happens. Not tried and tested as my recommendations usually are, but just passing his message on.
And even if you dismiss the unknown it's still there, I think anyone seeing the complex linkages which led to me finding the signs I have already and say it's all normal is just pretending science can allow such connections. No way it can.
I very much doubt if I hadn't found the first (one photo from the back online only as well, not a single other reference to it anywhere), and without that photo having been taken as it was a museum entrance, they didn't even notice there was a sign in it, I wouldn't have known where in the village it was and wouldn't have gone the 30 or so miles otherwise.
So everything else in my life needs to be joined in it now. My media career crept forward now with the inclusion in the book and photo shoot, and now waiting to hear if it made the paper. I'm pretty certain whatever machine is behind this it's working now, but still need to use the time I have in between usefully. The traditional belief you don't get anything for nothing makes people assume unless you almost kill yourself you'll achieve nothing. In fact it's about knowledge and timing, and the least effort of all is involved unless exams are involved. If that was the criteria I did my effort already and done plenty since- moving house clearing 28 years of family junk on my own (my parents had split up and gone their separate ways by then) in less than a month. I was ill for months after that and only fixed by healing and 36 hours of sleep over three nights. The doctors were at their wits end and I recovered just before I would have been sent for outpatient tests.
I also worked in about four different places, commuting between two or more a day for four years before finding something where I only needed a couple of separate places to work a week. When the school holidays came and there was no teaching I drove a furniture van, delivering and setting up film sets. The fascinating part was being in the location or studio with the director putting everything where they asked, and then sometimes seeing the work you did on TV. Birdseye Potato Waffles I think was our biggest viewing job. Whichever way you look at it I paid my way, and also did the weekly trip to see a video lecture for my meditation course plus a number of extras for 16 months. Being claustrophobic and having to sit quietly in a hall with maybe 100 people crammed in and not miss a week until the master arrived was no joke. He comes once a year and unless you go abroad after 5 months plus and see him yourself you wait till he gets here. At least he didn't come up north when it was my turn, I drove a very easy 50 miles to Brighton which is a holiday resort I know well, and not Birmingham (120 miles) or Manchester (220) which some poor sods had to do a few years later.
So even if you say we need to earn our success I think I have. The media side was begun with amateur theatre at 12, drama classes from 14-19 and cabaret from 16 onwards. My exams had to come first but always kept it up whenever I could. Lack of a union card meant I had to take a side door to TV work via academia, but all the doors reach the same place. So although I'm not an adept yet, where they actually dictate the direction of the guidance, I did swing two very unlikely situations using said methods although science tells me I need many more before I can say I may be responsible. A teacher last week via Facebook said it's all a dream so being an adept simply acknowledges our role as creator and we simply say what we want and it starts becoming real, as it's all ours anyway. And he told every listener to share it so I am, and I am (as in the bible), is his key to success. Out loud say what you want to be a few times, then in your head, and just keep going on one subject and see what happens. Not tried and tested as my recommendations usually are, but just passing his message on.
And even if you dismiss the unknown it's still there, I think anyone seeing the complex linkages which led to me finding the signs I have already and say it's all normal is just pretending science can allow such connections. No way it can.
Friday, March 13, 2009
A missing entry replaced?
I thought I wrote something the other day but it's not here. I have another blog but thought I did both but no matter. Basically (I said London had no signs left to find last time) I had a free night on Monday and searched 3421 London old sign photos. Half way through one popped up I hadn't seen and on the way found another and a third I knew about on a slight accidental detour as they had given a slightly wrong address and not where it was supposed to be. Very interesting.
So since then I've had no plans at all. But after that I trusted things seem to be taken care of, and although I've done nothing important since I've kept occupied and not actually wasted the free time. Nothing around me has really changed, the news is shite and my social life is even worse, but I have my interests and nothing stops them. I've scanned all my road photos back to 1969, and looked through all the others from 1950-80 of London as well. If there is indeed a new flow I am now going with it. Up till now all synchronicity was in the form of echoes, hearing the same word/phrase a few times, which is recognised and called the Baader-Meinhof effect. Interesting but useless beyond showing a background controller. But Monday followed all the influences described in Autobiography of a Yogi, from controlling thoughts and actions to timing. If it's happened now it should now mean I've crossed that line and is supposed to signify spiritual development.
In the logical side many of these phenomena exist at quantum level and they are now beginning to realise they are not limited there but affect us at all levels. We always knew but they couldn't prove it. Besides a bit of boredom and impatience nothing's actually gone wrong since then, and something really awful would have to to make me doubt the flow had now been entered.
Every attempt I have made has been forgotten like a lottery ticket (had I the lack of IQ to buy them), as if you have nothing and ask for something you still have nothing so can only live with that. The attempts are currently for: (I have added the likely chances)
1) A book to be published of my sign photos (0.01%)
2) An article to be written about my old sign campaign (50%)
3) An old sign to be put back (1%)
4) The location of an old sign to be discovered (50% although probably was removed)
5) An ex to get back on track, besides an 80 mile gap between us (5%)
6) Writing online crosswords (98% as I have already)
7) Get my final TV programme on (40%)
8) Bid for an old road sign (98%)
9) More old signs in Surrey (80%)
10) A national paper article (1%)
There are probably more but most wither on the vine besides the most likely ones, as they do for all, but when you consider most people's biggest ambition for pleasure is to get married and nearly everyone does, I've missed apparently one of the easiest. No idea why at all. I just heard a lovely single woman on the radio who wants a man, although probably Pakistani, and she had the same results as me for a long time except she was married first. Miles away from me and probably hostile to my ethnicity, and that sort of barrier has plagued every woman since I started looking. Even the hypothetical ones like her. But if my life is now being guided to success every old issue should be corrected. And it'll be about bloody time.
So since then I've had no plans at all. But after that I trusted things seem to be taken care of, and although I've done nothing important since I've kept occupied and not actually wasted the free time. Nothing around me has really changed, the news is shite and my social life is even worse, but I have my interests and nothing stops them. I've scanned all my road photos back to 1969, and looked through all the others from 1950-80 of London as well. If there is indeed a new flow I am now going with it. Up till now all synchronicity was in the form of echoes, hearing the same word/phrase a few times, which is recognised and called the Baader-Meinhof effect. Interesting but useless beyond showing a background controller. But Monday followed all the influences described in Autobiography of a Yogi, from controlling thoughts and actions to timing. If it's happened now it should now mean I've crossed that line and is supposed to signify spiritual development.
In the logical side many of these phenomena exist at quantum level and they are now beginning to realise they are not limited there but affect us at all levels. We always knew but they couldn't prove it. Besides a bit of boredom and impatience nothing's actually gone wrong since then, and something really awful would have to to make me doubt the flow had now been entered.
Every attempt I have made has been forgotten like a lottery ticket (had I the lack of IQ to buy them), as if you have nothing and ask for something you still have nothing so can only live with that. The attempts are currently for: (I have added the likely chances)
1) A book to be published of my sign photos (0.01%)
2) An article to be written about my old sign campaign (50%)
3) An old sign to be put back (1%)
4) The location of an old sign to be discovered (50% although probably was removed)
5) An ex to get back on track, besides an 80 mile gap between us (5%)
6) Writing online crosswords (98% as I have already)
7) Get my final TV programme on (40%)
8) Bid for an old road sign (98%)
9) More old signs in Surrey (80%)
10) A national paper article (1%)
There are probably more but most wither on the vine besides the most likely ones, as they do for all, but when you consider most people's biggest ambition for pleasure is to get married and nearly everyone does, I've missed apparently one of the easiest. No idea why at all. I just heard a lovely single woman on the radio who wants a man, although probably Pakistani, and she had the same results as me for a long time except she was married first. Miles away from me and probably hostile to my ethnicity, and that sort of barrier has plagued every woman since I started looking. Even the hypothetical ones like her. But if my life is now being guided to success every old issue should be corrected. And it'll be about bloody time.
Monday, October 29, 2007
Powerless?
Habitually returning to my place of unloading, although what I can unload is far from original. Facebook has mopped up more time finding more people from my past, helpful till I meet some in the present but so far none near enough to actually see again. Nothing has actually happened, and sometimes I wonder if it will. OK my 4th TV showing is essential to complete its series although no one here can even watch it. But I'll see it on DVD and know it's probably had more viewers than any other although none can bump into me unless they're 'vacationing' round Brent Cross or Finchley Road which is hardly likely.
The following week is little different from every other in the diary, and as little ever happens outside the diary projection (does it for anyone?) I see a few photos in Hampstead and maybe related areas, and if I get really bored may buy a new video camera to keep me doing something outdoors. Now it's dark most of the day it would be write my next article followed by more paintings no one will ever buy. They look nice but produce nothing for me.
One little development is people are starting to ask me spiritual questions. To be honest my own development is limited to the sort of clairvoyance anyone can learn in 5 minutes and just keep on repeating. And knowing you can see auras. Hardly a requirement for a visiting teacher in an ashram is it? But I was born with intuition and however little use this knowledge is for me it helps others so it's a start. Like sitting in a pile of shit and telling other people how to escape from their own while having no way to leave yours. It happens and is no joke. Not if you're in it.
Can anyone ever see something good clairvoyantly? I have seen bad things in advance so I suppose why not good? It's about bloody time I can tell you. I have a haircut booked for Tuesday, path cleaning Wednesday and who knows what gems beyond? And that's the good stuff. My imagination doesn't stretch beyond that and although I appear to have come across my guardian angel in a dream she hasn't done a lot since I woke up. All this cack about needing to work, struggle and suffer to gain anything isn't true, and even if it was I haven't got anything the easy way. My degree took 5 years, I had to go to lectures for 15 months to qualify for my meditation course and really all I got was some money to buy some of my house, mainly as by the time it was offered the prices had gone up so much more was needed. Long story but that was the outcome. Otherwise I've done it all the hard way, with a little financial subsidy which is not rare for those of a certain social group. But I seem to have been through much more than most, and the only reasons I didn't have jobs is no one would give me any when I didn't. And all I discovered there was you can suffer nearly as much stress without a job as with one. The world has many angles the shit can aim from and work is just the biggest. Hospital visits (to others), possible financial ruin, neighbours, poor health, incontinent pets and their uninvited visitors, accusations, vanishing friends, other disappointments and Ken Livingstone.
No surprise really the balance seems slightly tilted to the negative, each person or event that offers a potential return ends short or never arrives at all. I've spelled this list out before but has coloured my view as a result. It can change in a second and I remember when it was quite different, but no way I can do it by will.
The following week is little different from every other in the diary, and as little ever happens outside the diary projection (does it for anyone?) I see a few photos in Hampstead and maybe related areas, and if I get really bored may buy a new video camera to keep me doing something outdoors. Now it's dark most of the day it would be write my next article followed by more paintings no one will ever buy. They look nice but produce nothing for me.
One little development is people are starting to ask me spiritual questions. To be honest my own development is limited to the sort of clairvoyance anyone can learn in 5 minutes and just keep on repeating. And knowing you can see auras. Hardly a requirement for a visiting teacher in an ashram is it? But I was born with intuition and however little use this knowledge is for me it helps others so it's a start. Like sitting in a pile of shit and telling other people how to escape from their own while having no way to leave yours. It happens and is no joke. Not if you're in it.
Can anyone ever see something good clairvoyantly? I have seen bad things in advance so I suppose why not good? It's about bloody time I can tell you. I have a haircut booked for Tuesday, path cleaning Wednesday and who knows what gems beyond? And that's the good stuff. My imagination doesn't stretch beyond that and although I appear to have come across my guardian angel in a dream she hasn't done a lot since I woke up. All this cack about needing to work, struggle and suffer to gain anything isn't true, and even if it was I haven't got anything the easy way. My degree took 5 years, I had to go to lectures for 15 months to qualify for my meditation course and really all I got was some money to buy some of my house, mainly as by the time it was offered the prices had gone up so much more was needed. Long story but that was the outcome. Otherwise I've done it all the hard way, with a little financial subsidy which is not rare for those of a certain social group. But I seem to have been through much more than most, and the only reasons I didn't have jobs is no one would give me any when I didn't. And all I discovered there was you can suffer nearly as much stress without a job as with one. The world has many angles the shit can aim from and work is just the biggest. Hospital visits (to others), possible financial ruin, neighbours, poor health, incontinent pets and their uninvited visitors, accusations, vanishing friends, other disappointments and Ken Livingstone.
No surprise really the balance seems slightly tilted to the negative, each person or event that offers a potential return ends short or never arrives at all. I've spelled this list out before but has coloured my view as a result. It can change in a second and I remember when it was quite different, but no way I can do it by will.
Monday, September 03, 2007
Do we have the power?
I am still working on understanding how life turns out like a TV script. So much seems arranged, good or bad but similar phases. If the theory is true I am dreaming it all then I'm not writing this for anyone else as there's only me here. As god. I create everything, but not as the bible but hell, chaos. All is random and uncontrolled, until I learn to control it (possibly with the law of attraction, if it works) and become an adept. And whatever the mind conceives the control and awareness of the true situation is better than before, as that is in the messages.
Why it would be arranged to start with so much, lose it all gradually and end up with a house, qualifications and sod all is a mystery. I have family but have to make the effort to see them/vice versa, none live with me, and anyone who's read this will know my last regularly seen friend went away in 2002. One good thing about the internet is I've discovered there's no shortage of decent friend material, but obviously few I meet online live close enough to see, at least no more than once so far. But I can explain success in every aspect of life as I did before, it's like meditation. We all do the same thing but the results vary dramatically. We can only start success, others finish it, hence my predicament. I know exactly where I could be but can't buy a ticket there. Like the past. As my friend Gabriel says, if we want something whose fault is it? Who gave us that desire? No one. It is there already, it's how we are designed. We have no say in it so no blame, only over what we choose to do with said desire, ie pay or steal. But the desire has a life of its own and is no more under our control as any other feeling. Every method I learnt to change our feelings is hit and miss and at best works at random. Often if I meditate for an hour I feel one or two ticks better than before but it probably doesn't last that long.
But it removes the blame and responsibility as well, as we start everything but can't finish it. Even if I paint the best painting in the world I may never sell it. That happens all the time. There's more decent art and music around that will never be seen or heard by many or paid for that's as good or better than what is, and we can only do our best. And whatever we are not doing that we feel guilty about most are doing something else of equal value, and we can't do both. Don't ever feel if it doesn't hurt it can't win, that's oppression, like the twits in the gym who push too far. I stop when it's an effort and as a result have nearly 5 years with no injuries. Well, there are the facts, I haven't had time to read many blogs this week but will do, and with most comments I gain a reader. We'll get the network going again now it's been repaired, I just wonder why it was off for so long. And is Carla still reading I wonder?
Well the net froze but I managed to copy and save it and this is my second try. And had it decided not to keep it then I couldn't. A good example.
Why it would be arranged to start with so much, lose it all gradually and end up with a house, qualifications and sod all is a mystery. I have family but have to make the effort to see them/vice versa, none live with me, and anyone who's read this will know my last regularly seen friend went away in 2002. One good thing about the internet is I've discovered there's no shortage of decent friend material, but obviously few I meet online live close enough to see, at least no more than once so far. But I can explain success in every aspect of life as I did before, it's like meditation. We all do the same thing but the results vary dramatically. We can only start success, others finish it, hence my predicament. I know exactly where I could be but can't buy a ticket there. Like the past. As my friend Gabriel says, if we want something whose fault is it? Who gave us that desire? No one. It is there already, it's how we are designed. We have no say in it so no blame, only over what we choose to do with said desire, ie pay or steal. But the desire has a life of its own and is no more under our control as any other feeling. Every method I learnt to change our feelings is hit and miss and at best works at random. Often if I meditate for an hour I feel one or two ticks better than before but it probably doesn't last that long.
But it removes the blame and responsibility as well, as we start everything but can't finish it. Even if I paint the best painting in the world I may never sell it. That happens all the time. There's more decent art and music around that will never be seen or heard by many or paid for that's as good or better than what is, and we can only do our best. And whatever we are not doing that we feel guilty about most are doing something else of equal value, and we can't do both. Don't ever feel if it doesn't hurt it can't win, that's oppression, like the twits in the gym who push too far. I stop when it's an effort and as a result have nearly 5 years with no injuries. Well, there are the facts, I haven't had time to read many blogs this week but will do, and with most comments I gain a reader. We'll get the network going again now it's been repaired, I just wonder why it was off for so long. And is Carla still reading I wonder?
Well the net froze but I managed to copy and save it and this is my second try. And had it decided not to keep it then I couldn't. A good example.
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