Stream of consciousness time

Well the mind wanders and however it does sometimes thinks of something new to dig up. I just made a list of every decent verse from the diarrhea song from many contributors, as many are made up you have to sort the wheat from the chaff, figuratively speaking. I nearly posted it all here but will save that for when I've got absolutely nothing to write, besides 'It's brown and it's mushy and it squirts out your tushy, diarrhea, diarrhea'. I'm quite sure Shakespeare would have used it in King Lear (or Richard III of course) had it been around at the time. A horse a horse my kingdom for a horse. It dribbles on your feet when you're running down the street. You get the picture.

Anyway, from one of my favourite subjects to real life. Plenty of shit there of course but when it's your own carpet the joke doesn't happen. I think had I been in a different situation now (and had better health but the two probably go together) I'd have a pretty good life, had I been free and unobligated in a family. With the internet I can always find something to look at but we all know what it's like to rely on that, it's the life of a recluse most of the time. I see the same ahead and haven't a clue if and how it will ever change. I did used to dream of a life in suburbia, but with me staying at home and the wife doing whatever the man used to do back when only one had to work. Of course I'd do all the housework and childcare as well as work from home, and if it was good enough for women till the 70s (before most had to work as well) it should be for men. Sexism has always been far worse against men than women as we are expected to do far more.

I've said it before, faith and hope are two sides of the same coin based on a wish for rescue. I believe nothing and expect nothing. We all should. Everything will happen whether we do or not. And like I said about the October 14th UFO prediction, you don't need to announce anything the world will know about, it announces itself. You announce something people need to know the time date and location, not an event that will never happen anyway. I know it's possible to meet a woman, and expect to based on the odds and past experience. That is based on facts and know there's a pattern. But I have no hope anything will ever happen to improve in life as that is also something that is far less likely to happen based on the same criteria. Even though I may get things I've waited years for that randomly turn up, they don't change my life as only people, inner work or outer work would. They have lasting results whereas having yet another video, however good, does not. Or all the words to the diarrhea song. Collecting creative work is no different as even if you made the video yourself it's still just a video.

I have my own experiences of extra, both the physical and beyond, and know where it lies. It may have been the reason some named it God, but are just the end of the spectrum and beyond of the highest levels of quality in life as we know them. Knowing where they are doesn't lead to having them mind you, as they are not available to the public and the ones which are aren't creatable at will. And funnily enough some on my list aren't believed by some either. Maybe when we can access these things and places easily then the rubbish of the world won't matter so much. I would never take anything good for granted, I've learnt that lesson losing most I did have to realise what I'd do with them if they ever came back but very few have. But even though I live alone and would rather be a few miles east, I still appreciate this area now and simply travel east regularly so I spend more time there like I used to. I always appreciated my friends except the fact I assumed they always came easily as they did. But as school and holidays were the places I met most then new ones stopped when they did. For some reason people I've met since may have got on reasonably well with but never became friends when we parted our business connection at work or evening classes etc.

Well tomorrow is free, I've used the sun this week for photos each day and have various local jobs tomorrow, and this may remain the routine till I'm my parent's age and beyond if I make it that far. If money was no object I'd be one of those surrogate fathers to women with no man so at least I'd have a child or two guaranteed. Of course it can happen at any time but I'd rather I was young enough to have the time with them. But it costs a fortune and I can only pay bills for myself. But if the money ever comes that's on the list.

Finally I've hardly read any blogs recently, and the main reason is besides being god's own job to save links (I have a little list) they stop writing sooner or later and have to spend ages finding new ones which have something I want to read. So many searches turn up people with profiles and no blogs I can't be bothered looking most of the time now. Or worse still last posts in 2006. That means clicking another time and then being disappointed. But I can not only talk fairly freely here but say things I'd rarely dare to in public as people would think I was a yob. One reason I swear here is I don't usually otherwise. That's how I was brought up so it has an automatic filter. I have more time to override manually here. But one thing I have said before and you have it in writing, there's not a word I write here that isn't true, as I'm not writing fiction. If something passes the check to be written in public at all then it goes in. It's what I don't put in people should think more about. Anyone who sees me contradict myself in future point it out and I'll explain it. But that is because I'm conveying years of a complex life and without a reference table of all my jobs and operations etc can't convey it all here in a sentence or two.