Looking for God

Today I will actively look for God in my life. The guidance is presumably the first clue as nothing else could be responsible for arranging all of life to fit for one person. Yesterday I was typing and they said the same phrases I was writing twice within a minute. That happens to quite a few people I know as well. I appear to be being made to face my final fears- death, destruction, all that shit. One by one situations I believed (as there was not enough information to know otherwise) may be extremely dangerous are being forced on me to show me they are not without the need for any expert advice. I don't think there are many left and maybe with them out of the way there won't be much left to bother me or get in the way of my progress.

Also of course by writing here on a subject offers the chance of inspiration to work out additional examples- today wasn't special on the surface- but for example once I'd repaired my cassette copier to send a tape to Australia I recorded it and being on an old tape wasn't full volume, and didn't want to use 5 minutes on a new C90 and a new C60 turned up at the front of a rack and took the copy perfectly. There was only a few minutes to wait in the post office, and got the rest of my shopping done at the same time. I've finished searching my old negatives and as well as the most prized photo of the local road sign I wanted, albeit barely legible in the distance, I've found many photos I'd never seen before as the chemists never printed them. I have run out of ideas for tomorrow and beyond, although the same chores need doing. Last week I wrote to three more people from Friends Reunited and can only eliminate them as a-holes as none replied. I started my phone calls tonight but no one was in but will keep trying.

I'd create if I was god (which is basically how it works anyway, we gradually take over consciously so the crap we got before is under control and organised the way we'd prefer it) a way I could still avoid all the stress I can no longer cope with but a solid social and family life, with no need to worry about the people I did have expecting me to go to places I couldn't. A few are fairly well trained now but very thin on the ground. I agree I shouldn't get any prizes without earning them, but the years of study and experience I have put in took me till 46 to get on TV and 50 to be published. I think the previous effort would now be used to justify any career improvements, I hardly need to go to college again or do more fieldwork. I was asked to do a lecture but 120 miles away, not good for an agoraphobic really. I would do so in London as long as it was this side of it, but can't wreck my health for anything. I would change a few things externally as well- it's a bloody mess and as Marx and others have observed, extremism can't last forever as the momentum runs out and the opposition water it down. Global warming's dark side is now turning slowly to face the earth and one by one every aspect I've said was the case is becoming proved. Of course it had to as it was based on no more than a plan to dominate the world by the UN and cheating the data to do so. The graphs are so crude anyone in primary school would question how they all change when adjusted from flat to sloping, and questions are now being asked at higher levels but the taxes keep coming. I'd speed things up a bit as the people may wake up suddenly when the first wave notice they've been had all along. Once they turn their backs their friends will feel they have no reason to hang on and follow until only the extreme nutters are left and be ignored as they always should have been. Today the nutters are in charge and listened to by the media and governments worldwide, what was delusional is now mainstream. I can't be bothered to put up with that much longer, I don't like being in a world where more people are insane than not and it's a struggle to find those who haven't been infected.

I'd also free the energy in the places I'm working on, apart from being sent photos of the odd road sign I can go and get and being asked for an article most other things have needed far more work to get returns than they should have. In fact the majority of work appears to have created nothing at all. I've never averaged any more clients a week since my practice began, I've spent a fortune for me trying to spread the word but still only get work from the official directory. I do pay the bills anyway but wonder why I can't get a few more like the others appear to who do no more advertising than I do. And my meditation barely seems to do a thing most of the time, you'd have thought after 13 years and combining new methods at other times the energy built up would push things along a bit but no. And official requests and decisions would go more easily. I'm not unreasonable and even offer to pay myself for some projects which would harm no one and benefit many. Besides allowing me to spend two hours painting an old road sign I've had little or no help from the others. And my sales of art and photography have been diabolical, the books are expensive so understandable, but the paintings are not and gathered dust until finally returned to me. And the people I dig up from the past could yield a few who were actually both local and wanted to see me again. I haven't thought if any elsewhere would have if they were still local but I'm only asking for one or two. I've only seen two altogether from my past, one now up north and the other abroad. I can't believe the fact they all chose to put their details up that avoiding any contact with all but their favourites is the same for everyone.

I think my clairvoyance is improving in certain areas, I can pick up words and the like for quizzes pretty clearly now, which has been from constant practice. If that can now be expanded to cover other areas it could guide me into more fertile areas than I'm searching currently. I am clearly being communicated with somehow as I can't go and look for some of these items as the actual words and answers aren't even revealed before the quizzes end. That means someone has to be able to pick them up before they are known (by going outside the timeline) and communicating them to me. If I can pick up anything from outside my own field then I should be able to open that channel a lot more. There is a lot of potential but as yet barely consciously used. I am aiming for more now in every way, the energy has to loosen for me.