I'm still here

It seems pretty certain that spiritual growth involves many tests- we are sent our worst possible experiences to see if there's any way we can deal with them better. I don't know if I am but they turn up regularly like the cat being sick while you're watching TV or having dinner and ruins whatever else you're doing. I have no cat to do that now but life has an infinite number of variations and all need clearing up one way or another as most don't disappear on their own. I doubt we need to become immune to everything before we can become enlightened- even Jesus claimed to lose his faith somewhat on the cross (his father had forsaken him, odd considered he already volunteered and knew the ending at the time).

So this week has gone to plan so far with one bonus, the first old road sign I knew for 40 years without taking its photo appeared in the distance on one of my negatives I was scanning in case there were more without prints (how does that happen?). The symbol is obvious but blurred but no writing is visible and the enlargement makes it look like it was taken underwater, but I now have a record of it, just. Otherwise I did my first tour video for ages after many requests yesterday, and cut the bushes at my late grandma's before it looked too overgrown. The news continues to be the same mixture of white noise I totally ignore, plus the odd peak or trough of either utter bilge like the next royal wedding- when they care about what I do I'll care about them- or the odd good news like the Republican climate enquiry. But most of life is my own and not affected by others unless they make laws which do directly such as raising energy taxes. It's the old exam results scenario, what my friends get doesn't affect my own performance, so if I fail one it doesn't make me feel any better that someone else has. What crap and shit happens elsewhere really isn't my concern, all these kidnaps and murders from down the road to across the planet are part of life since the stone age, and are sadly no more news than how many sheets of toilet paper my grandma used, yet we got to hear both.

I hope I am in a transitional period though, as I am seeing a mix of the old disasters and doom and new guidance towards success. Maybe I can deal with some old loose ends but still profit from the new direction while I am doing so. It certainly looks like that but the bad stuff feels just as bad as it ever did regardless. I feel I was guided to the negatives last night, I'd been checking up where all my photos without captions were taken with the advent of Streetview, and then thought I'd check the final set of ones that may turn up from unprinted negatives, and chose the right pack almost immediately. As it was on the corner of my road I would have expected a photo of it randomly but till then it wasn't showing. If it's dry tomorrow (it has been for three days and now stopped again) I'll either do my bike trip or the other video, and so far not missed seeing anyone besides the builder working next door who just repaired my garage door for nothing. I still phone the radio every week or so as I did tonight, I'm not famous yet as you can't see my face on radio and the best I do is when I see people I haven't seen for a while and they say they heard me. I even tweeted a new arrival on twitter who listens and lives nearby in case I can make a new friend somehow.

I've done another sweep on Friends Reunited, and thank goodness new people are still joining. I sent three more messages and normally get about a third back although not all have a clue who I am. One was in nursery school with me, and as I was so bored at home my parents let me go just before I was three and I remember as much there as I do in primary. Imagine catching up with someone you haven't seen since you were both five! There was no actual crumpet involved this time, one was simply an enquiry, one an ex who is now miles away and the third a friend of a friend whose very nice sister got a boyfriend before I could get a chance to try myself. I shouldn't be surprised many don't remember me although a few years in the same class pushes my credibility a bit. Even when one saw a photo of us there he claimed not to remember me. What a wanker.

Anyway, I am one step closer to celebrity this year than last now being published, and two more articles in the system hope that momentum keeps going. I write for pleasure so the more they want the more I will provide. I also keep my list of ambitions and although some do get reached none yet really affect my life besides completing a particular mission, step or business deal. It takes away a problem or stops it getting worse but none yet have actually made it better. That needs people first, and it's no use to just see anyone who's available rather than wait for quality as being with the wrong people is worse than none as they drain you. To have close friends you have to share the same frequency with someone, that is natural and can't be created just because someone's there. The right ones are rare indeed and hung onto for decades before one by one they are diverted by life or distance to occasional meetings. None are cut off but severely restricted compared to the old days. The woman on twitter hasn't replied, I don't blame her as unlike us women get random offers and approaches every day and can easily pick and choose. Anyway, I keep going, catch the odd bullet but am still here.