Doing my accounts

Looking for another book yesterday I found another Celestine Prophecy (I think there's another somewhere as well), and one thing I read was about going with the flow rather than trying to control things, and you actually end up with more than you would if you do. Today was the first test, I'd done Tottenham (thank goodness) yesterday, so no obligations of any sort, didn't want to do the shopping till tomorrow so I could pick up the weekly free paper which is reporting the book launch (with or without my contribution), and had one little local trip which at least got me outside the door. I realised one thing my digital camera can't do is zoom, so got the SLR out with the tripod and started a few of the high views nearby which are impossible to do without one analogue or digital.

The rest of the day was a mystery, so without a clue myself came back, and gradually worked my way through available bits and pieces until the football started at 7.45. I've carried on adding more photos from the past to Geograph, now Streetview can show me exactly where they are, won another mystery word quiz (I think I'm 7th now on the top 10), made a little music video and kept on Streetviewing. My current position is despite collecting quite a lot of goodies both literally and on my CV in the last year or so none have made the slightest difference to my life. If you're alone you can be rich, poor, successful or whatever but you'll still be alone. None of the extras have even added to my social life, as besides indoors there are precious few people around generally as the regulars well know. OK, I really am not complaining as I cope and survive but just assessing the current position as much for my own purpose. The best it can be seen is as laying more foundations. Before instant celebrity most stars had been working the shit jobs for years before they made it, and I suppose (especially reaching 50) I've done every shit job known to man if you go back far enough so certainly done my apprenticeship for any of my ultimate career ambitions.

So tomorrow will be a trip to use more of my christmas vouchers for the next couple of week's food and pick up a copy of the free paper to see the report of the book launch. I may well take the SLR camera with me and do some more views to finish the film before the colour goes funny. I appreciate the freedom and hate the idea I'm wasting it as well remember the years before it when I was only too pleased to get days off. That's what makes me more determined not to waste them while they're here. But so far all the additions I've made are like getting more ornaments from the house. You see something you like, buy it, put it on a shelf and forget about it, and eventually you have to stop as there's no room for any more. They can't change your life either, just clutter up the house. Again I hope that whichever areas are blocked in my life start to shift sooner or later, as they can, and the original statement about releasing control makes it even more certain it's out of my hands. As long as we do our best and rise to whatever occasions present to us then the outcomes are beyond our control. Not our department. People try to make them happen and many claim they have but I think the fact their wishes coincided with their outcome just gave the impression they caused it. One example is all the depressed and generally disturbed celebrities, they succeed at the top of their profession and still don't become happy. It's not one of the direct routes- even meditation involves a lot of work and uncertain results, it's just the nearest way to bypass external conditions for how you feel. But even when it works it doesn't last for many, the few it does are probably the exceptions and considered saints by the cultures who teach it. And I am nowhere near sainthood either.