It's hard to blog when you've got a visitor staying with you, my ex was kicked out of where she was staying last week and been here on and off ever since, which is more a responsibility than anything else but mops up a bit of time when I'm not actually alone in the house for a change. I'll appreciate the freedom more afterwards as well. Otherwise it's been raining most of the time and into week 4 uploading photos to Geograph, I hit 1000 yesterday since Christmas Eve and is really addictive.
No other plans or ideas as such, just looking forward to my freedom and a few photo trips set up for when the clocks go forward. I've also spent a couple of weeks trying to sow a few seeds of doubt on a scientific global warming propaganda site, and gave up as they are no less certain the climate is already affected by us as the sun rising. What a bunch of narrow minded dogmatic idiots. The world is being wrecked by policies to save the climate from fuck all and destroying civilisation from every angle. I've done my best and can only hope now someone else better informed and connected can take over as I won't be able to get through to them. I no longer care about trying though as I've done all I could and now know I've done my total best. None of the new data that arises has any effect, they just say 'it's been discredited'. No, theirs has and is still used regardless. Not my job any more.
Politically however why anyone besides one who has developed the equivalent of Stockholm Syndrome through religion or oppression would want an authoritarian government restricting their every move god alone knows. Governments are there to serve and protect, telling people when and where they can travel is totalitarian and completely immoral, and these wankers are choosing to vote for them over and over again. They will cry as loud as everyone else when the power cuts arrive and their grandparents die of cold, but they asked for it. People can be so thick and deluded that nothing gets through until rock bottom, just like alcoholics. This is a worldwide political disaster and can only either win or lose and with nothing like it before can't see a thing ahead, like the IPCC if they'd be honest about it.
So just taking each day as it comes at the moment, I haven't had too much time to stop and think and have plenty of housework to do next as well as finish my paintings and a few more jobs delayed by having a visitor. It makes a change but ideally would like to choose the person as well.
Showing posts with label freedom. Show all posts
Showing posts with label freedom. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Out of school
Oy a broch, he's back, and fully medicated. I got the thumbs up from the doctor in around three minutes flat, a possible record of efficiency and can now get my botty tablets from the chemist as well which saves a prescription. I'm now free to do basically sod all, get my food tomorrow and possibly an eye test if he's free. I hope I can actually get my magazine article the following day, I've no idea who sells it round here without a number of phone calls and not sure if it's being posted to me either. The shops I checked hadn't heard of it so not that simple.
So I'm a free man (as far as that goes) for now anyway. No plans, no ideas, inspiration or otherwise, and that's about it. There are more global warming graphs for the files and nothing less than a worldwide fraud which is impossible to hide for long as the graphs clearly vary from the alternative data. Climategate was the only thing that lost them a few supporters, as worse than realising your rulers are crooks, no one likes being made to look as stupid as they actually are. I may see a crack in their armour.
Let's see which other projects take off next. If I'd been working in an office doing the same work and research I do now I'd be respected for it, somehow people who work from home are usually considered wasters unless they earn a fortune from it or are famous. I work from home partly as no one wanted to employ me elsewhere besides a few hours a week and my anxiety shut the door to anywhere more than a mile away since. Big deal. Judge by what people produce and the internet now brings every world library to me, rather than Finchley library which was the best I could do unless Hendon had it first (except you could park at Finchley).
I have little else I can think of, will see what tomorrow brings besides some expensive (donated mind you) food, and may make another social call to a woman in case we can come to some sort of mutual agreement to meet somewhere convenient for me. The rest is handed over to my guides.
So I'm a free man (as far as that goes) for now anyway. No plans, no ideas, inspiration or otherwise, and that's about it. There are more global warming graphs for the files and nothing less than a worldwide fraud which is impossible to hide for long as the graphs clearly vary from the alternative data. Climategate was the only thing that lost them a few supporters, as worse than realising your rulers are crooks, no one likes being made to look as stupid as they actually are. I may see a crack in their armour.
Let's see which other projects take off next. If I'd been working in an office doing the same work and research I do now I'd be respected for it, somehow people who work from home are usually considered wasters unless they earn a fortune from it or are famous. I work from home partly as no one wanted to employ me elsewhere besides a few hours a week and my anxiety shut the door to anywhere more than a mile away since. Big deal. Judge by what people produce and the internet now brings every world library to me, rather than Finchley library which was the best I could do unless Hendon had it first (except you could park at Finchley).
I have little else I can think of, will see what tomorrow brings besides some expensive (donated mind you) food, and may make another social call to a woman in case we can come to some sort of mutual agreement to meet somewhere convenient for me. The rest is handed over to my guides.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Doing my accounts
Looking for another book yesterday I found another Celestine Prophecy (I think there's another somewhere as well), and one thing I read was about going with the flow rather than trying to control things, and you actually end up with more than you would if you do. Today was the first test, I'd done Tottenham (thank goodness) yesterday, so no obligations of any sort, didn't want to do the shopping till tomorrow so I could pick up the weekly free paper which is reporting the book launch (with or without my contribution), and had one little local trip which at least got me outside the door. I realised one thing my digital camera can't do is zoom, so got the SLR out with the tripod and started a few of the high views nearby which are impossible to do without one analogue or digital.
The rest of the day was a mystery, so without a clue myself came back, and gradually worked my way through available bits and pieces until the football started at 7.45. I've carried on adding more photos from the past to Geograph, now Streetview can show me exactly where they are, won another mystery word quiz (I think I'm 7th now on the top 10), made a little music video and kept on Streetviewing. My current position is despite collecting quite a lot of goodies both literally and on my CV in the last year or so none have made the slightest difference to my life. If you're alone you can be rich, poor, successful or whatever but you'll still be alone. None of the extras have even added to my social life, as besides indoors there are precious few people around generally as the regulars well know. OK, I really am not complaining as I cope and survive but just assessing the current position as much for my own purpose. The best it can be seen is as laying more foundations. Before instant celebrity most stars had been working the shit jobs for years before they made it, and I suppose (especially reaching 50) I've done every shit job known to man if you go back far enough so certainly done my apprenticeship for any of my ultimate career ambitions.
So tomorrow will be a trip to use more of my christmas vouchers for the next couple of week's food and pick up a copy of the free paper to see the report of the book launch. I may well take the SLR camera with me and do some more views to finish the film before the colour goes funny. I appreciate the freedom and hate the idea I'm wasting it as well remember the years before it when I was only too pleased to get days off. That's what makes me more determined not to waste them while they're here. But so far all the additions I've made are like getting more ornaments from the house. You see something you like, buy it, put it on a shelf and forget about it, and eventually you have to stop as there's no room for any more. They can't change your life either, just clutter up the house. Again I hope that whichever areas are blocked in my life start to shift sooner or later, as they can, and the original statement about releasing control makes it even more certain it's out of my hands. As long as we do our best and rise to whatever occasions present to us then the outcomes are beyond our control. Not our department. People try to make them happen and many claim they have but I think the fact their wishes coincided with their outcome just gave the impression they caused it. One example is all the depressed and generally disturbed celebrities, they succeed at the top of their profession and still don't become happy. It's not one of the direct routes- even meditation involves a lot of work and uncertain results, it's just the nearest way to bypass external conditions for how you feel. But even when it works it doesn't last for many, the few it does are probably the exceptions and considered saints by the cultures who teach it. And I am nowhere near sainthood either.
The rest of the day was a mystery, so without a clue myself came back, and gradually worked my way through available bits and pieces until the football started at 7.45. I've carried on adding more photos from the past to Geograph, now Streetview can show me exactly where they are, won another mystery word quiz (I think I'm 7th now on the top 10), made a little music video and kept on Streetviewing. My current position is despite collecting quite a lot of goodies both literally and on my CV in the last year or so none have made the slightest difference to my life. If you're alone you can be rich, poor, successful or whatever but you'll still be alone. None of the extras have even added to my social life, as besides indoors there are precious few people around generally as the regulars well know. OK, I really am not complaining as I cope and survive but just assessing the current position as much for my own purpose. The best it can be seen is as laying more foundations. Before instant celebrity most stars had been working the shit jobs for years before they made it, and I suppose (especially reaching 50) I've done every shit job known to man if you go back far enough so certainly done my apprenticeship for any of my ultimate career ambitions.
So tomorrow will be a trip to use more of my christmas vouchers for the next couple of week's food and pick up a copy of the free paper to see the report of the book launch. I may well take the SLR camera with me and do some more views to finish the film before the colour goes funny. I appreciate the freedom and hate the idea I'm wasting it as well remember the years before it when I was only too pleased to get days off. That's what makes me more determined not to waste them while they're here. But so far all the additions I've made are like getting more ornaments from the house. You see something you like, buy it, put it on a shelf and forget about it, and eventually you have to stop as there's no room for any more. They can't change your life either, just clutter up the house. Again I hope that whichever areas are blocked in my life start to shift sooner or later, as they can, and the original statement about releasing control makes it even more certain it's out of my hands. As long as we do our best and rise to whatever occasions present to us then the outcomes are beyond our control. Not our department. People try to make them happen and many claim they have but I think the fact their wishes coincided with their outcome just gave the impression they caused it. One example is all the depressed and generally disturbed celebrities, they succeed at the top of their profession and still don't become happy. It's not one of the direct routes- even meditation involves a lot of work and uncertain results, it's just the nearest way to bypass external conditions for how you feel. But even when it works it doesn't last for many, the few it does are probably the exceptions and considered saints by the cultures who teach it. And I am nowhere near sainthood either.
Friday, February 12, 2010
You can't do it all yourself
Technically although there's nothing wrong at the moment, total emptiness means as well as being able to rest and relax also means I have to make my own amusement. I don't expect too much, nearly everyone else seems to manage somehow to live in a family and that's all I really need, any more would be extra. I managed to edit the video after a few days work and is now loading to Youtube.
It has been a successful year so far, lots of old signs, as per examples. For some reason they've shoved them at the top of the page and when I tried to move them all the text vanished so will stay where they are now. I've seen more people this year than in the last 5 years, had my first work published in a book etc, but technically nothing has changed. Hence the reason I meditate and do similar work as that insulates you from the outside forces whatever they are. But that's the same as sleeping, you can go to bed, lie down and wait but can't make yourself sleep. The same goes there, you meditate but have no control over the results. But nothing else can change your inner being besides drugs and they aren't going to make it better. It's also impossible to rely on the internet for entertainment the whole time, even that runs out of material sometimes and the efforts I make to find friends, old or new, there have only managed occasional meetings. Like any treasure hunter you have to keep digging and if there's one person there who will stick can only carry on, unlike old signs other people are not restricted to a specific number.
So the week of freedom so far has produced a video of Golders Green, two music videos, and a few photos of houses I've seen on my travels. I've done some housework such as washing and filing, and at least found there isn't even a lot left to do. So ahead there's the remaining Streetviewing to do, selling my late grandma's house once we've cleared the last of the belongings, and very little more. It literally seems going round in circles, photos, shopping, family and back again. It's not as if I want to go anywhere else, I want someone here primarily and where I go outside is irrelevant when I come home to an empty house. That is the same as sleeping and meditation, you can't create a person to share with and expect them to want to as well. But although it's 'just happened' for most people, it doesn't for me. I still don't know why either.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
A quiet week
The freedom continues at least, and someone discovered an old sign on the main road through Hampton I'd passed hundreds of times but hadn't noticed, and when I got there there was another on the back pointing an arrow the other way, so got the matching pair. One I didn't even remember, to public library. Not much else since, except on the library theme I'm taking the old sign book there to see if they'll buy one. Besides a booking and the usual clearing grandma's house this week there are no plans, my two trips to Herts last week did no more than eliminate the area from my enquiries but kept me occupied.
I'm working my way through the Celestine Prophecy, which eerily reflects my own life exactly up to the 4th of 9 insights. Besides seeing auras I haven't reached the practical part, but how to read the way things are. Connecting to a mysterious energy is the key, and one I already suspected, so could be interesting. I've also done a pile of global warming research, and basically if the media gave equal exposure to all the data not one sane person could believe in the whole crock. Ann Widdecombe, who I've admired for a while, just came out as an independent by putting down her esteemed and crooked leader's total acceptance of all the shite Al Gore's worldwide conspiracy feeds him. Well he's obviously getting a piece himself isn't he woman.
So little more analysis or speculation (would you use a speculum?), just time and space. It's a relief finding more signs as I get hooked on collecting and until I complete the list look before I do most other things. It would be nice if I'd missed something and it would turn up just when I needed it (as well as the signs) but the media and women in general have all turned their back on me, as any potential employers. I only keep looking for more as I've had a lot and lost it so know exactly what I'm missing. Fame would be a bonus and no doubt cover the financial and social side so do a lot by itself. And I will continue to teach wherever I see a need as I get the role I have now. There is a gap and I do fill it. I wish there were a few more available besides that sort...
I'm working my way through the Celestine Prophecy, which eerily reflects my own life exactly up to the 4th of 9 insights. Besides seeing auras I haven't reached the practical part, but how to read the way things are. Connecting to a mysterious energy is the key, and one I already suspected, so could be interesting. I've also done a pile of global warming research, and basically if the media gave equal exposure to all the data not one sane person could believe in the whole crock. Ann Widdecombe, who I've admired for a while, just came out as an independent by putting down her esteemed and crooked leader's total acceptance of all the shite Al Gore's worldwide conspiracy feeds him. Well he's obviously getting a piece himself isn't he woman.
So little more analysis or speculation (would you use a speculum?), just time and space. It's a relief finding more signs as I get hooked on collecting and until I complete the list look before I do most other things. It would be nice if I'd missed something and it would turn up just when I needed it (as well as the signs) but the media and women in general have all turned their back on me, as any potential employers. I only keep looking for more as I've had a lot and lost it so know exactly what I'm missing. Fame would be a bonus and no doubt cover the financial and social side so do a lot by itself. And I will continue to teach wherever I see a need as I get the role I have now. There is a gap and I do fill it. I wish there were a few more available besides that sort...
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Guidance and freedom
Life is getting back to normal again although minus the regular visits to grandma. I'll admit some was out of duty and she enjoyed the visits so much but I also made the most of her while I could. Tonight was the first Tuesday for as long as I can remember when I was free (besides when she was in hospital but sometimes saw her there as well) and needed a rest full stop after a hectic few weeks working and then last week's funeral related activities. Besides the worst of the gardening (more was prevented as the hedge cutters have finally had it) and a little walk it was TV most of the day and at least plenty to watch for a change, plus two cold callers I felt a religious duty to convert to being decent people. That is not a way to earn a living or create business, it's begging in the street and in a civilised country (oh, it isn't) would be included in the same laws.
Free tomorrow as well besides one late booking (I hope, unconfirmed), various little jobs I can be doing and probably will and the rest I will see. Guidance has been apparent again, and what better indication than road signs which can't be missed? I got an email yesterday evening with two locations nowhere near me I was able to get to on the way home, and got five, including two I didn't have already. So I could relax today having covered the width of London and collected a major supply of photos. I'm hoping to get a positive to paint the one I found last week as is nearby and a lot easier than the last one as two colours and my height. I can't do the library trip tomorrow as it's closed, but is on the list.
Now as the guidance is so clear then it can't just be for road signs. Besides running out if life can be arranged that tidily then it ought to work for everything now it's started. These gaps are only temporary so far and when filled in realise it's just as much as ever. Even my own hesitations and delays can't stop the direction. If I don't want to go to a woman that's suitable then she'll come to me if all is guided. Like I was shown signs when the lights turned red the delays make you look somewhere you would have missed otherwise. And when I make wrong turns I find things there as well as if made to. So if I'm being made to not visit some woman it's either as they don't want to know and I'd be wasting my time (been there, done that for 30 years) or did want me and would make the effort to come after me and prove it.
More clues on enlightenment from Youtube's teachers, whatever the route if you stick to your meditation come what may if your mind stops then you do as well. The three legged stool of Buddhism means whichever leg you lose the ego falls down, and when the mind stops it takes the ego with it. I'll keep going. I also found out this guy lives in London and although I chose not to join his school (too much work for me thanks) still learn just as much listening to his lessons.
I have a list of ambitions, raising any area to the level (some I've had and lost and others beyond) that would make me feel better. Many things could make it happen, I've missed out on hundreds of opportunities already but at least known they could have happened. The newspaper article would have been one example and very unlikely if it hadn't led to more. Any of the women who turned me down as well. Enlightenment means peace within so no old crap can get through to you, but till then it's reality first. I do realise however I've done it I have put in enough work now to earn everything I'd like to happen. I know when I get each part, even if I have no idea what form it could come in I'll know when it does. If the signs can be sent to me then so can everything else.
Free tomorrow as well besides one late booking (I hope, unconfirmed), various little jobs I can be doing and probably will and the rest I will see. Guidance has been apparent again, and what better indication than road signs which can't be missed? I got an email yesterday evening with two locations nowhere near me I was able to get to on the way home, and got five, including two I didn't have already. So I could relax today having covered the width of London and collected a major supply of photos. I'm hoping to get a positive to paint the one I found last week as is nearby and a lot easier than the last one as two colours and my height. I can't do the library trip tomorrow as it's closed, but is on the list.
Now as the guidance is so clear then it can't just be for road signs. Besides running out if life can be arranged that tidily then it ought to work for everything now it's started. These gaps are only temporary so far and when filled in realise it's just as much as ever. Even my own hesitations and delays can't stop the direction. If I don't want to go to a woman that's suitable then she'll come to me if all is guided. Like I was shown signs when the lights turned red the delays make you look somewhere you would have missed otherwise. And when I make wrong turns I find things there as well as if made to. So if I'm being made to not visit some woman it's either as they don't want to know and I'd be wasting my time (been there, done that for 30 years) or did want me and would make the effort to come after me and prove it.
More clues on enlightenment from Youtube's teachers, whatever the route if you stick to your meditation come what may if your mind stops then you do as well. The three legged stool of Buddhism means whichever leg you lose the ego falls down, and when the mind stops it takes the ego with it. I'll keep going. I also found out this guy lives in London and although I chose not to join his school (too much work for me thanks) still learn just as much listening to his lessons.
I have a list of ambitions, raising any area to the level (some I've had and lost and others beyond) that would make me feel better. Many things could make it happen, I've missed out on hundreds of opportunities already but at least known they could have happened. The newspaper article would have been one example and very unlikely if it hadn't led to more. Any of the women who turned me down as well. Enlightenment means peace within so no old crap can get through to you, but till then it's reality first. I do realise however I've done it I have put in enough work now to earn everything I'd like to happen. I know when I get each part, even if I have no idea what form it could come in I'll know when it does. If the signs can be sent to me then so can everything else.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Another week of freedom
It's still pretty quiet but by my own efforts I've got a little bit going (including someone else sharing the driving) although only the barest minimum. After finding a second version of Hampstead Garden Suburb in Ealing I went and saw it on Friday, and wondering if there were more went to Guildford on Sunday (as only London's on Streetview) looking for old signs (it had one already so a target) and although no more were seen I then found another HGS I'd never have seen otherwise, including one road with the same name. I then found there was an A road in Surrey right round the furthest edge I'd missed and got a lift up there by my father and did find two identical signs although just the number of the road and no place mentioned. Another headroom sign popped up in Mayfair last week (I have a pair of 15' 6'' headrooms from Hackney) but did it on the way home yesterday as easy at night and now have a 9' 9'' which looks brand new even though 45-75 years old. Not like me then. And finally today I had been told there was a red triangle sign lurking in south Herts. but he'd forgotten where, so covered a few more nearby villages and half of Potters Bar and just found another (#7) no through road sign, although with stuck on letters rather than the usual cast iron, which I discovered arrived in 1953, ten years before the signs were stopped.
So I keep Streetviewing, have no plans ahead full stop but managed to work something out day by day so far. I have still found officials to email for various favours and had fuck all out of them besides hearing about one sign I knew already. But expecting more when you're not paying them and it's not part of their job descriptions is fantasy. Due to the amount of teaching now on Youtube I'm doing my active meditation a lot more now as I keep being reminded of it, which may eventually have an effect. I know it can either work gradually and you'll see the changes, or build up and happen suddenly. As I've seen no gradual changes in 13 years I hope whatever work I've done is building up somehow.
Tomorrow and the rest of my life is an open book, I must get an eye test now as the small print is becoming less discernable now and will miss something soon if I don't get it sorted out. I may see if he's free tomorrow or Thursday as there's no longer a single better thing to do, today was sunny all day and spent a couple of hours in the car driving to the country. That's three days running and have some very nice other photos besides the signs to show for it. But besides a woman and fame enlightenment is the true way out for people like me who know it's an option. Now I see so many similar stories from the teachers and explanations it must be sinking in deeper and deeper and may eventually take me over as well. If it's real then it ought to. It's meant to be part of evolution and while our bodies have changed (and probably not for the better) our minds now need to. So far it's been demonstrated the Buddhist view all pleasure is temporary is true, so you need something permanent instead and that is the only thing that is. I could take the hard way, do weird and wonderful practises to break the ego every day, or just do the active meditation anyone can do. They wouldn't all recommend it if it didn't work as well as others. Mantras scramble the brain as well as the mind and if I want a passive meditation to do mine takes an hour already and shouldn't mess it up by doing extra ones, which are not supposed to be done.
Well I really hope something decent happens this week after the months of pushing I've done. Having a TV programme online is a start as no one can miss it. The fact I need to tell every bloody individual personally as Sky have apparently failed to mention it (unless it's in their magazine which only satellite viewers get) but won't get very far with web TV if no one besides the participants realise it's there. It is the first so just being part of that is something, unless it flops totally and no more are done (50-50 I think). Presumably that would mean it would make sense to put it back on real TV so won't lose if that happens. It's officially on Sky2 now but that gets a fair number of viewers although no ads on hoardings.
But the effort I've made searching out and emailing officials, after planning what to say and present both facts, law and appeals to their better nature (no comment) really deserves more than the bin. But so do my articles, interviews and offers to women but it never stopped them going there...
So I keep Streetviewing, have no plans ahead full stop but managed to work something out day by day so far. I have still found officials to email for various favours and had fuck all out of them besides hearing about one sign I knew already. But expecting more when you're not paying them and it's not part of their job descriptions is fantasy. Due to the amount of teaching now on Youtube I'm doing my active meditation a lot more now as I keep being reminded of it, which may eventually have an effect. I know it can either work gradually and you'll see the changes, or build up and happen suddenly. As I've seen no gradual changes in 13 years I hope whatever work I've done is building up somehow.
Tomorrow and the rest of my life is an open book, I must get an eye test now as the small print is becoming less discernable now and will miss something soon if I don't get it sorted out. I may see if he's free tomorrow or Thursday as there's no longer a single better thing to do, today was sunny all day and spent a couple of hours in the car driving to the country. That's three days running and have some very nice other photos besides the signs to show for it. But besides a woman and fame enlightenment is the true way out for people like me who know it's an option. Now I see so many similar stories from the teachers and explanations it must be sinking in deeper and deeper and may eventually take me over as well. If it's real then it ought to. It's meant to be part of evolution and while our bodies have changed (and probably not for the better) our minds now need to. So far it's been demonstrated the Buddhist view all pleasure is temporary is true, so you need something permanent instead and that is the only thing that is. I could take the hard way, do weird and wonderful practises to break the ego every day, or just do the active meditation anyone can do. They wouldn't all recommend it if it didn't work as well as others. Mantras scramble the brain as well as the mind and if I want a passive meditation to do mine takes an hour already and shouldn't mess it up by doing extra ones, which are not supposed to be done.
Well I really hope something decent happens this week after the months of pushing I've done. Having a TV programme online is a start as no one can miss it. The fact I need to tell every bloody individual personally as Sky have apparently failed to mention it (unless it's in their magazine which only satellite viewers get) but won't get very far with web TV if no one besides the participants realise it's there. It is the first so just being part of that is something, unless it flops totally and no more are done (50-50 I think). Presumably that would mean it would make sense to put it back on real TV so won't lose if that happens. It's officially on Sky2 now but that gets a fair number of viewers although no ads on hoardings.
But the effort I've made searching out and emailing officials, after planning what to say and present both facts, law and appeals to their better nature (no comment) really deserves more than the bin. But so do my articles, interviews and offers to women but it never stopped them going there...
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Freedom of speech
There are times and places we all have to work in a role, and restrict what w say and how we say it, usually while working in some capacity. And even places like here we have to be careful just in case someone there sees it, which isn't entirely impossible. But maybe if I was totally straight in telling someone their faults were imaginary they may actually respond faster than the professional approach which drags it out for weeks.
What does bother me is how people get them in the first place. Imagined inadequacies, beliefs in the good of others clearly not good, overlooking the obvious faults in others, assigning impossible causes to situations, all from normally rational people. We're taught it's the emotions, inner child and subconscious that do this, but to be so powerful to create a blind spot in a normally sensible person is tragic. I'm not planning to test this theory on anyone to see but I'm sure there are therapists who do and it may well work.
So I can speak freely here but still within limits. Some you learn by experience. I like to share things and with few actual real people around this is a good alternative. And I can never imagine myself falling into the 'false conclusion' trap described by Albert Ellis. You see an effect, don't know the cause and invent one that becomes the truth for you and no one else. Until someone, usually a therapist, tracks it down and corrects it. If I don't know something I think of possibilities but can't assign blame as so many do. Or be labelled. If a parent runs a child down they can carry that with them for life. Mine ran me down probably more than average, as being an only child wasn't just the best (little chance) but the worst, as there was no other to compare me with. So I was the worst behaved, most selfish, most big headed and all that sort of thing. So I've heard it all my life and don't need it now from people who are only guessing. Spend some actual time with me and then decide, but not from here alone. But I've never accepted any of the crap, if it feels wrong it always is, no matter how well presented. But so many people accept authority automatically. Anyone who says you've got a big nose must be right if they are important, whether or not you actually have one. According to some anyway.
The official rule is not to accept rubbish that does not belong to you, and if you have then give it back. Buddha or Carl Rogers, take your pick. But people miss it and otherwise I'd have no work at all. Once you have this formula and learn how to present it it is a routine when so many very intelligent people still pick up ticks from outside and carry them until they feel a pain from them. Then someone is called in to get rid of them. Search me for the answers, it's human nature and a side exploited by our great leaders to lie through their teeth and get us to believe cold is hot (the current special offer).
Our intuition may be one of the two useful things I've discovered in life, the other being how apparently random events must be connected. But the second is outside me, the first is very much part of me. I've become firstly able to confirm its existence and secondly recognise its call, so the usual nonsense rarely catches me out simply as it feels wrong. The fact I then need to spend ages researching it to convince others is just the way it works, but others like me tell the world the same thing. Why do only a few people own and run the majority of the world? Because only they are not affected by this weakness, plus usually have the psychopathic streak to turn it against those that do. It's a single formula and impossible to be caught once you know it, but still see enough people fall for it it takes all our effort to turn the tide. The truth is not much use when hidden in a safe and guarded with the mafia. Intuition points us to it indirectly without even having a combination to open the safe, and when the truth does come out then confirms the intuition was always right despite no facts to prove it.
I read this recently after realising it myself. The highest truth is known already, the rest is discovered outside. How we know is not for us to know or care about, like all other powers, which was also in this passage. You don't need to know how a machine works to use it and neither for our higher powers. So when I don't always make sense it can be because it's very hard to present a known with few facts to confirm it to others. But the one thing you can use is your own heart. Regardless of evidence, does what people say feel right? If so, then you've found your own intuition. Once you have, forget about worrying about the evidence as whether or not that follows you'll find you are right. That's what it does.
What does bother me is how people get them in the first place. Imagined inadequacies, beliefs in the good of others clearly not good, overlooking the obvious faults in others, assigning impossible causes to situations, all from normally rational people. We're taught it's the emotions, inner child and subconscious that do this, but to be so powerful to create a blind spot in a normally sensible person is tragic. I'm not planning to test this theory on anyone to see but I'm sure there are therapists who do and it may well work.
So I can speak freely here but still within limits. Some you learn by experience. I like to share things and with few actual real people around this is a good alternative. And I can never imagine myself falling into the 'false conclusion' trap described by Albert Ellis. You see an effect, don't know the cause and invent one that becomes the truth for you and no one else. Until someone, usually a therapist, tracks it down and corrects it. If I don't know something I think of possibilities but can't assign blame as so many do. Or be labelled. If a parent runs a child down they can carry that with them for life. Mine ran me down probably more than average, as being an only child wasn't just the best (little chance) but the worst, as there was no other to compare me with. So I was the worst behaved, most selfish, most big headed and all that sort of thing. So I've heard it all my life and don't need it now from people who are only guessing. Spend some actual time with me and then decide, but not from here alone. But I've never accepted any of the crap, if it feels wrong it always is, no matter how well presented. But so many people accept authority automatically. Anyone who says you've got a big nose must be right if they are important, whether or not you actually have one. According to some anyway.
The official rule is not to accept rubbish that does not belong to you, and if you have then give it back. Buddha or Carl Rogers, take your pick. But people miss it and otherwise I'd have no work at all. Once you have this formula and learn how to present it it is a routine when so many very intelligent people still pick up ticks from outside and carry them until they feel a pain from them. Then someone is called in to get rid of them. Search me for the answers, it's human nature and a side exploited by our great leaders to lie through their teeth and get us to believe cold is hot (the current special offer).
Our intuition may be one of the two useful things I've discovered in life, the other being how apparently random events must be connected. But the second is outside me, the first is very much part of me. I've become firstly able to confirm its existence and secondly recognise its call, so the usual nonsense rarely catches me out simply as it feels wrong. The fact I then need to spend ages researching it to convince others is just the way it works, but others like me tell the world the same thing. Why do only a few people own and run the majority of the world? Because only they are not affected by this weakness, plus usually have the psychopathic streak to turn it against those that do. It's a single formula and impossible to be caught once you know it, but still see enough people fall for it it takes all our effort to turn the tide. The truth is not much use when hidden in a safe and guarded with the mafia. Intuition points us to it indirectly without even having a combination to open the safe, and when the truth does come out then confirms the intuition was always right despite no facts to prove it.
I read this recently after realising it myself. The highest truth is known already, the rest is discovered outside. How we know is not for us to know or care about, like all other powers, which was also in this passage. You don't need to know how a machine works to use it and neither for our higher powers. So when I don't always make sense it can be because it's very hard to present a known with few facts to confirm it to others. But the one thing you can use is your own heart. Regardless of evidence, does what people say feel right? If so, then you've found your own intuition. Once you have, forget about worrying about the evidence as whether or not that follows you'll find you are right. That's what it does.
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
Did it happen?
Well, despite being predicted I did more or less word for word what I expected but it was fine. The rain forced me not only to tidy my desk and papers but finally find my appliance instructions mislaid when the old kitchen was ripped out. Then I went to mum for dinner but took my camera and got some nice pictures on the way. As it was passover we watched the old family videos (now 18 years old) as we didn't have a camera and friends took a few special occasions for us. Seeing half the people who are no longer alive showed they may be dead but they're not gone, it was just like they were real.
Tomorrow is free so far, planned to either go to Ealing or Stanmore for photos and football on TV later, with as many other little jobs as I can. No urgency for any but want to use the chance to go out. Once my health settles down life returns to near normal, and the less stress the more it does. If I had a few people around me as well it could almost be like it was years ago. Then my problems were exam related and however good life was I always had courses to take, fail and worry about. The last proper one was 2001 believe it or not, which took the same route but passed all but one (plus O level maths which I never resat) altogether. Back then the only gap was when I didn't have a girlfriend, and that was erratic and had its moments. They did come and go a lot faster and easier till I reached 30 and then it dried up. Everyone else was married and I was left over like the guy with a limp at the marathon dragging along at the back. Except even they get there eventually and have a specific route.
Looking back, my most important requirement was always freedom. That is fine as far as it goes but didn't factor in other people. Whether I'd ever choose people over freedom I'm not sure. If I could arrange it as having a family at home and job outside I probably would now. I discovered at 16 freedom was crap when alone, as I left school and had 9 months free while my friends were still at school as I took my exams early. I worked, went abroad and mainly hung around lost, but still hate having to do things I don't like and prefer to do what I please. Not even unrealistic as since I lost my last real job that's been more or less as it is. Like being either retired or very rich and no need to work. If you're not alone I'd recommend it to anybody as I have never actually wasted my time. Years of helping my widowed grandma and then mother (second husband that is) wouldn't have been possible, no other children or grandchildren besides me, and it gave me the chance to write, paint and take photos. And one morning in 1998 when I had a girlfriend staying here as a trial marriage (total disaster) I woke up with nothing to do one morning and ended up in Belgium. That is freedom. Not planned, just something I realised I had time to do, though we aimed for Boulogne but passed Ashford and popped into the Eurostar stop to see if we could get to Brussels, and the train was due in 30 minutes. A bit of luck and a bit of judgement, but only possible due to freedom.
Nowadays I get up too late but still wander around locally, mainly with the camera. Almost always alone now, which takes much of the edge off it, but besides my 100 mile plus trips usually were. Well tomorrow's almost another day, as technically it already is. More than that I don't know.
Tomorrow is free so far, planned to either go to Ealing or Stanmore for photos and football on TV later, with as many other little jobs as I can. No urgency for any but want to use the chance to go out. Once my health settles down life returns to near normal, and the less stress the more it does. If I had a few people around me as well it could almost be like it was years ago. Then my problems were exam related and however good life was I always had courses to take, fail and worry about. The last proper one was 2001 believe it or not, which took the same route but passed all but one (plus O level maths which I never resat) altogether. Back then the only gap was when I didn't have a girlfriend, and that was erratic and had its moments. They did come and go a lot faster and easier till I reached 30 and then it dried up. Everyone else was married and I was left over like the guy with a limp at the marathon dragging along at the back. Except even they get there eventually and have a specific route.
Looking back, my most important requirement was always freedom. That is fine as far as it goes but didn't factor in other people. Whether I'd ever choose people over freedom I'm not sure. If I could arrange it as having a family at home and job outside I probably would now. I discovered at 16 freedom was crap when alone, as I left school and had 9 months free while my friends were still at school as I took my exams early. I worked, went abroad and mainly hung around lost, but still hate having to do things I don't like and prefer to do what I please. Not even unrealistic as since I lost my last real job that's been more or less as it is. Like being either retired or very rich and no need to work. If you're not alone I'd recommend it to anybody as I have never actually wasted my time. Years of helping my widowed grandma and then mother (second husband that is) wouldn't have been possible, no other children or grandchildren besides me, and it gave me the chance to write, paint and take photos. And one morning in 1998 when I had a girlfriend staying here as a trial marriage (total disaster) I woke up with nothing to do one morning and ended up in Belgium. That is freedom. Not planned, just something I realised I had time to do, though we aimed for Boulogne but passed Ashford and popped into the Eurostar stop to see if we could get to Brussels, and the train was due in 30 minutes. A bit of luck and a bit of judgement, but only possible due to freedom.
Nowadays I get up too late but still wander around locally, mainly with the camera. Almost always alone now, which takes much of the edge off it, but besides my 100 mile plus trips usually were. Well tomorrow's almost another day, as technically it already is. More than that I don't know.
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