Back to bleeding normal

Excitement over, real life returns. Tired today, besides going to the gym which finally woke me up a bit I think last week finally caught up with me. The week ahead is peppered with exactly the same routine I've had the last few weeks and until I actually get there my imagination rolls it all together as if it's all happening at once, which it never can. There are a few slightly interesting plans as well, I'm collecting a couple of old family photo albums made by my late uncle with some pictures I've probably never seen before. I'm also completing my own third album which will be on its way with an advance order, and also get the new photos I took developed tomorrow. Everyday stuff, ups and downs and that's it over and over again. I reckon today was the anticlimax after yesterday, back to normal, and the electric camera wound a 36 film back after 22 so I couldn't even finish what I wanted to take to use the film up.

So I hope every moment, or any moment ahead this week is better than I thought, and there may be some positive balance to the dull stuff, OK stuff that usually pays me money, and boring chores which have to be done sooner or later, alone. I do appreciate the loyal readers, I know a few regulars return and if I write I prefer it read by an audience as otherwise I can use my notebook as I do anyway. Technically the routine of the last few weeks was pretty good, it was a few days working and a few days photos each week. I saw a few people and got a little business done as well. But when it seems that whatever I did before doesn't affect now or possibly ahead it all seems to have vanished. Not the slightest benefit from my efforts besides pages of photos. Maybe there's more but I'm not aware of it yet. I carry on as there's nothing else I can do, and sometimes trust me, I leave elements out here which contribute to my moaning. There is more at times and stuff anyone would have trouble tolerating. OK, we all have the same shit, but mine seemed to have been fairly consistent that one followed another for such a long time. I moaned with reason, not oversensitivity. Mathematically if anyone added up my life since say 1981 it's been rough in many patches.

Once my mother left I then had to retake exams annually till 1984 when I finally got my degree 2 years late. In 1993 the family house was finally sold and although I'd had my own place since 1988 had no alternative to return to when I felt like it. My tenants, designed to combine income with company, were like letting stray cats or tramps in the house. Not the answer. Years with dating agencies in my 30s meeting women a decade older than me with children and a bad attitude, losing a job in 1997 and never getting another except for a week despite hundreds of applications. OK there were obviously highs as well, but the total if you combine the two piles, just like the dreaded balance sheet I just produced, is a fairly big loss. Those are the facts and objectively I say put anyone else in exactly the same position that I am and they would barely feel any different to me. It is tough and it is not through any action I could have taken or not taken of my own.

Now tomorrow and the week ahead may well be ok, once the accounts are put to bed that will help, and then who knows. But those are the figures and make up the foundations of my present life. Put them together and see what they add up to.

Why do I bother?

I suppose progress has been made, my PC has been checked and the verdict was 'dustbin'. After 3 years only the hard drive will remain, the rest being replaced by a top of the range inside next month when the shop reopens. Three times the speed and RAM, so worth the expense I suppose. Otherwise researching blogging continues, I am still uncertain what's happened and whether it's a terminal decline or just me. So due to a little extra finance I was able to do a bit of internet shopping, and other, so I am now waiting for a number of items all delayed due to the holidays:
1 pair of new bifocal lenses, a CD, new bolts for my office chair, a new computer, a replacement DVD burner (not needed now, will ask for credit) and also a meeting with someone I met online. Then once the shop reopens on Wednesday hopefully get my new sunglasses. I may have forgotten more but that's a lot more than usual to wait for. No more shopping plans now, almost all the remaining items that aren't here already weren't by choice, the computer is falling apart and my eyes have changed so those expenses are unavoidable. And as I always follow up these things are fun but don't take the place of people. Nothing will ever replace the value of other people around which I will remind everyone whenever I can. Once you've got people around then the items add to the quality of life but on their own are extras.

I had to go out relatively early today as the gym closed at 3 so by the time I got back was happy to do bugger all the rest of the day, and there is less (actually nothing) on TV than I'd ever come across before. It wasn't even turned on most of the day and there's only tripe on now as background. But unlike the last few years Christmas Day is showing new and decent programmes again which nowadays is all there is to do then. No family stuff besides my dad and grandma and that's all. No traditional dinner either as my grandma is too old to make it but we have to go there as she can't travel too far- she'll be 97 in February and no worse for wear.
So, if I stopped doing this for a few weeks would anyone notice? Since I've been checking hardly anyone's still writing here anymore. Life goes on every day so why have so many people stopped reporting it? I don't find other people's stories become boring after a while, they are as interesting as the people are, like soap operas, and go on indefinitely. Well mine does anyway. But if I'm writing soon for an audience of zero (in a few weeks at this rate) I will carry on as if not what will I do with all these ideas (no comments please).

Well, new blogger worked today so maybe it's fixed or just prefers the laptop. Pity I haven't got more to write but besides a N2 postcode photo trip yesterday, following the NW11 last Saturday, there's not a lot more to report. I can usually just get blood out of a stone but only so much, sorry.