Progress and agoraphobia

"Why why should we care Joe, why should we despair Joe? We'll win out, yes we'll win out, yes we'll win out in the end". Now some people in the UK will remember this just as I do, but heard it for the first time in about 30 years after I finally got hold of the series of Look and Read called Joe and the Sheep Rustlers first shown in 1973 when I began catching the odd episode when off school, but never seen them all. So now I've managed to hear it again thanks to the internet, although it was all shown at once a couple of years ago I checked very soon after and too late. Patience and persistence there.

I have been pretty busy, work has snowballed as it usually does for no apparent reason, my friends from America are here this week after a 4 year gap and probably about the same next time, if there is one. Two more old signs over the weekend found posted on Flickr so on quite a roll. And according to a British court today global warming is officially a religion, as someone won their case on religious/philosophical discrimination grounds, as they were a green warmist, or 'bedwetter' as Lord Monckton and now I call them. A few leaders, many minions and millions of unknowing victims. The scam of the millenium.
So my feeling last week things would happen seems not failed but gradual, building up since about the weekend and continuing to each day. If I picked that up that is a new level of progress and with evidence comes faith, not the imaginary religious type but the knowing you get from experience.

The new counter is clocking about 10 a day, which means it's the same as when the other vanished and a good base to start on. I'm reading more now it's dark early and learning how incredibly similar agoraphobia is and people's reactions to not being able to do most of the things they once could. It's a new arrival to us all, it comes after having little or no problem with anything, you have one or two bad experiences and it arrives in full. Then it's simply a matter of how big your circle is each day, month or year. Even those who do what I may never do again are still often terrified while they do and wears them out for days after. I say don't bother as once you've done these things already and often no longer want or need to then most are expendable. It's really a free world when it comes to taking orders and if it's your job then you have to get one that's safe. One woman who doesn't care I can't go to the theatre, restaurants and most of the other places they usually love going and I've won. I can't imagine many men who'd turn down a woman that didn't like going out, they'd probably propose to them despite any nasal or other prominent wart. So why do women love activity so much?

Many women of all ages moan their partners hardly ever take them out, I went to discos to meet girls, girls tended to go even when you'd pulled as they liked them. And so it continued. Once a man has a woman he's often happy just to sit around the house like the cat while she's around. Go out when so comfortable and the TV on- why? The selection of countries I've seen has been interesting, but 200 miles or so of Belgium at 150mph basically tells you what you always heard, it's a flat green plain with small bunches of grotty old houses. Seeing famous places like Amsterdam, Paris, Copenhagen etc are interesting but no need to make a habit of it. America is pretty uniform for 1000 miles, I must have driven that much on the bus there and barely noticed a change. Skyscrapers surrounded by henhouses surrounded by grass or trees. Each town or city except DC was a clone of the last, although Cleveland was a lot nicer and I've seen some of the best small towns ever in the northern states and Canada on TV, but I didn't see much personally. Morocco was just like the films but again no need to make a habit of it and I ate on board ship which was free of germs. They warned everyone to avoid eating locally and those who ignored it suffered the consequences. Beaches and posh hotels can be nice but only so much sea and sand in a lifetime and the hotels all relied on the other people as deadly dull when they weren't there.

So maybe agoraphobics are an evolutionary level, ie being content where they are. I only know one who wants to go to places they can't, I think most are more like me and are happy unless pushed to beyond their personal boundaries. People can learn a lot from us as being content is one of the highest levels, as above happiness which is transitory. I'm rarely happy nowadays for obvious reasons for regular readers. But I am content when I've been out or seen someone and then can relax at home in front of a screen. I learned a lot from my cats and clearly have more in common with them than most people do.

Gone very quiet indeed

I've been out in between the rain the last few days, routine photos and delivering postcards and a bit of shopping. Last night being a Big Brother final meant another trip to Elstree in case I saw any of them coming out. The first time I went in 2003 they had the old marquee on the lawn and saw them all through the patio doors, as with the next when they came out and we were filmed with them. Then they pulled the curtains in 2005 so we could see nothing. I didn't bother for a couple of years as I didn't think I'd be able to see them again but just in case went up last night to see the marquee was gone and they have a bar on the corner at the front. There was a small window but had blinds and couldn't spot any faces through it, and they pulled a curtain after a while anyway, but saw a bunch of them leave the Big Mouth studio to go in, but was so far away could barely recognise them for the seconds they came into view before going inside, and it was dark of course. As Mohamed had the Afro he was pretty hard to miss, as was Kat's pink dress which was all I saw of her, and Mario's quiff. Better than nothing at least and as usual got chatting to someone else who came to watch although there were hardly any people there compared to when you could see it all. But at least the rain stopped when I got there. And with Rachel winning shows the public actually have decent taste after all.

I had my last postcards for a bookshop where they were all taken nearby, but the buggers had closed just before I got there so ended up walking around to see if there were any photos to take, with only one more shop left still open to try but the boss was away. My cleaner clearly feels sorry for me living alone and is now saying I don't eat properly. You can only do your best. I saw England just manage to beat Andorra as I actually had the right equipment to watch it, followed by a bit of Andy Murray before the rain came down and heard Amir Khan had sold himself to the devil on pay per view (after swearing he wanted to share himself with his public). I'm so pleased he was knocked out in round 1 and hope he rots now. Stupid sod. How many sportspeople of any note do we know now? Joe Calzaghe? I saw him win sportsperson of the year even though I didn't know who he was. Or most of the British public. They want to be rich but they'll never be famous. Our cricketers are doomed to obscurity and when they all retire from sport will get nowhere as their names can't live on. Who'd want to employ a boxer who had only been seen by a few thousand people every match? Only the twats who employed him in the first place I suppose. If you become really famous the money will be flowing in all your life for books, advertising, TV chats etc. but if most people say 'who?' you'll soon run out of business. If they refused to work for the bastards they'd soon have to give up.

As for plans, I literally don't have any. I know what I'm doing tomorrow and probably Monday and that's it. No short or long term. OK I need to have my eyes tested but that's not what I call plans. I've emailed as many people from the past I could find and the last two ignored me which is par for the course. And I need to work in the back garden, where the weather meant it had no function for the second year running. But long term I haven't really got a book to write (only the blogs here which would take years just to select), no more cards to print since the printers only print 100 of the same picture, I don't chat up strange women in bars like some can, and can't be arsed to try speed dating which is actually the best idea besides singles bars (which we don't have), and no longer even get any pleasure from watching the hurricanes on CNN as it is the same thing every time and really has no effect here. I will say now the Large Hadron Collider will not cause the end of the world, Steven Hawking wants it to make black holes and says it won't, and if he knows they couldn't do any harm I'd let him have that one. Having said that they could save themselves an awful lot of time and money if they want to learn the nature of the universe and study under a proper master. Those who say they've seen it didn't need any particle accelerators or the like, just a good teacher and dedication to the path.

So all I've done recently is eliminate possible people as friends or girlfriends, one by one, people never run out but chasing ones from the past will. So many of the most important jobs are not much in our own hands, what we do with our time can keep us busy but rarely determines the major events. Listening to people talking about holidays at least made me realise I was far happier locally now, as have had enough of a selection of abroad (and most of Britain as well) to realise I'd rather be here. Walking along Finchley Road with all the sights and memories meant far more to me than being in some lookalike mystery town with the same shops and cars and bus stops. There's more similarity around the world than difference and once you've been to one beach, desert and other natural feature the magic tends to wear off. As I said, my friend's parent's photos of what looked like Richmond park turned out to be Kenya, but Richmond was better. And without the germs. And even when it's boring here it's 100 times more boring abroad when there's not a lot to do. If I could go for the afternoon (it would be possible if we'd invested in the technology 30 years ago) it would be fine, but 2 weeks?