Waiting like an orange

While I read the paper or sit at the computer (no photos in the snow, they all look the same) I keep finding more technical data contradicting global warming- the sunspot lows have caused the upper atmosphere to cool, Arctic ice grew in the last 2 years during each summer, and more and more. Now how all this can coexist with the simplistic formula that our CO2 has done the job of a) warming beyond the natural and b) that's actually a bad thing beats me as to the total stupidity of some people in the face of all evidence. Especially as the third item said the measurements of CO2 had been so flawed in fact they were reabsorbed as they were created. I despair at the sheer impenetrable ego of so many people after they have clearly lost. But each day swings a little more to the truth.

Besides two bookings the time ahead is free but unknown. More snow started falling after it started melting today, so tomorrow could go either way. I doubt any photos will be taken somehow though. My rule of not caring about the days ahead, and planning for the next day at most does leave gaps until the time comes, and besides the usual ups and downs the guidance has been at the lowest level for a while now. If it's still leading me to a media break, woman and another old warning sign I can't see it yet. If it's still snowy this week the coursework will continue, something has to motivate me to keep doing it however pointless and sometimes expensive.

Last year was the first one when good things started arriving on their own more than every few years, but the downside is you start expecting it. It's all unreliable and the only reliable one is the women who dumped or turned you down in the past will never change. It would be so easy just to hook up again but even the few who didn't dump me aren't available. At 50 will I settle for attractive, harmless and braindead? I will have to see. Not being able to have a sensible conversation with someone is no different from having the cat around and that just isn't enough. A dull woman and a cat? Just two cats really. And someone to help with the housework, but I have one already I pay. Cooking? I manage already. It could be easy to take half full/empty but will always know it.

So maybe there's a reason the future is blanked out so far. It doesn't mean nothing decent will happen, just I don't know about it. The default however is space and if it doesn't then at best it will be space. Again when the weather breaks just walking around with the camera will be a relief, whatever I take just like all the others I've done before. I do sometimes feel all the effort I've put in to writing, communicating and helping people I ought to get more back, having an article published every year or so in something a few hundred people read, some promised photos in a book I'll have to pay to see, and top level media interviews that get nowhere won't make me a career in anything. Thank goodness I am qualified and experienced to produce the goods, but so can thousands of other hopefuls. They work somewhere for nothing or shag the editor. Being a man I would not do that for anything, I don't want those memories for the rest of my life. Bribery can work but I doubt I'd make a profit and probably get someone immune who calls the police. I'm not bent and won't get in that area as crime isn't the only way to succeed without contacts.

So it's currently dead as far as I can tell, will it stay or go?

Progress suspended

Well, there are parallel lives going on at the moment, the one I could have and the real one with nothing really. I've managed to keep occupied each day and besides being in communication with said authorities causing the delays have not a scrap more information when any of these jobs will be complete. So I make a photo, video and shopping schedule and each day do as much as I can in an afternoon and fill the gaps with walks and bike rides. Nearly all alone but used to that now.

My final shopping eneded on ebay, getting two Jewish figures a fraction of the price the one shop had them I visited. Living in exile in multicultural NW9 (minus my own) I decided to make the house a cultural centre so I felt at home once I stepped in from the gentile desert outdoors. I always say when I lived in hampstead Garden Suburb I could be ignored by Jewish neighbours rather than Goyish, but at least you see them around which happened about twice in the 12 years I've been here. I just feel like the latke at a wake, to reverse the cliche.

I am wondering if any of the media projects will complete at the moment, let alone when. Professionals relax as they are paid regardless of usage, us lot who volunteer get nothing besides the exposure. If not it was a nice day meeting another film crew and fuck all else. OK, the last TV programme has produced a nice DVD distributed for the participants, but unless I decide to set up my own TV station no one else will see it at the moment.
Tomorrow is another in a run of free days I've used very well so far, at this rate I'll have one of the largest catalogues of pictures of North London in the world and videoed every main road as well. Anyone can do it with basic equipment but few bother. I've only seen a few road trips in the UK and haven't looked abroad yet on Youtube. After the current TV projects I really want to do a tour of London suburbs as I've seen single episodes and was so fascinated it started me off as soon as I could afford a camera. I know the place as well as anyone could and expect it would have enough people interested to watch, just like 'My Street' tonight on Channel4 which was exactly the sort of programme I would have done myself if I'd slept with (male) producers at college instead of studying law. Or both even. I do have standards though. It is odd that women lose nothing doing so as they just have to lower their standards to advance their careers. I have yet to hear of a woman boss who wanted male applicants to have sex for favours. The world can be a cruel place at times.

Weekend review

Back again. Besides the ear infection there hasn't really been much wrong the last week, although having an ear infection in itself casts a cloud over things much of the time. So eliminating that element I got a few more good photo runs, except for today when I went out with an ordinary camera and soon discovered it had no film. I'll have do go there again with a digital but it was a bit of a pain to do twice.
The BBC have been showing photos changing twice a week since I started adding mine 2 weeks ago, and had 2,1,0 and 1 up so far which is a lot more than many people. It's also interesting to see which ones they pick and some I expect while others can be a surprise.

As far as I know at the moment I have literally no plans left, business or pleasure. The fact my TV programme in 2 weeks should be there to rescue me is a great help, and will be filming my 4th the day after. Socially the ear trouble has more or less put an end to all but visitors and the rare local friend (in existence and timing) but little else. Not enough energy or balance at times, so I conserve it but still turn out good stuff. If I'm indoors much more I'll write another article and then do another drawing. No end of opportunities for that. Otherwise I'll do what I did last week and let nature take its course for a change. Even with no plans you usually think of something at the last minute. Little else to report really. When your health is up the creek it does make you realise how much you could do before it packed up, and hopefully will do when it returns. Every little task becomes appreciated when it's hard work to do, and looking ahead to when I may be able to do so easily again. Physically I was always pretty healthy, the only glitch was by accident and not illness, but since the exhaustion kicked in (not ME, this is measurable and with clear causes) my immune system has reduced its efficiency and allowed new germs to colonise that make it impossible as yet to return my health. The original causes have gone but until the effects are I can't live my normal life again. Even if no one reads this I can look back and see my own progress over time, which is also quite important. Remember until blogs everyone's diaries weren't read by anyone else. This is a new phenomenon. Read it for fuck's sake! If you don't we'll all stop writing.