It's still working

To begin with the system is definitely still working- I had a repeat sign to take in deepest Surrey on Sunday but because the League Cup was finally on real TV after 20 years I could watch my team play (and win) so dealyed the trip till today. Half way through the match I was looking at my old sign group online and someone had found two in Balham, where I'd go on a Sunday to avoid the traffic and get free parking. That didn't need sunlight to take the scenery (the trip to Balham doesn't have much) so watched the game and got two pretty rare signs, although instead of to places they aimed at buildings, but on the proper format. Three for the price of one and they weren't repeats.

I am free now, two probably bits of work this week but not yet 100%. It'll be weeks before I know about the photo going in the paper now so can forget that for a while, not worried about signs or photos as sorted that for now, so freedom and few obligations. Last week was a rest week, rain 4/5 days and just did whatever was available indoors and a couple of trips out to parks when the constant rain turned to showers. I'll just carry on and go with the flow now. It was bloody tiring driving through road works through some of the worst roads in London yesterday, and through traffic jams on winding Surrey roads full of people coming home from school today with more traffic lights than closer to London with each having to change a good few times before people could get through. Driving didn't used to tire me out- I did 10 hours a day in my early 20s but besides having a smaller car than I did for years which doesn't do all the work for me (it's called trying to save money) you really feel everything at 50, well I certainly do.

It'll be interesting to see what happens, technically a near repeat of last week is the likeliest, no chance of an early newspaper answer and just Streetview to possibly turn up more signs, although yesterday's came from someone online and one I'd even looked on the road there but was too small and well camouflaged I didn't see it anyway. Adding to the collections are good, but don't give you anything to do after adding them besides look at for a few minutes. It fills some boxes in life but the others are related to people. What are they again?

I've run out of material

I truly have an open book ahead of me (plus one possible arrangement next week). I was free from today onwards, and besides having an unwanted scene in the video I made of people shopping in Golders Green (tomorrow's history) meaning unless I find a program to fix it no one else will be seeing it have nothing but space ahead. As well as that non-event I can now announce my photos (3) appear in a new book for charity, I won't plug it but anyone who is interested in it leave a comment. The event is the official launch next week and if feel ok will turn up, take photos of the celebrities and bugger off. I'll decide on the day which is the only way I can handle these things. And when the doorbell rang this evening with no one expected it turned out to be my sexy neighbouring MP who may be standing here next time when the areas are merged. Besides seeing her on TV for years she was also single then and looking for a man, by the time I decided to send a message she had clearly moved on. But a nice surprise, she looks just as expected and very nice with it.

Besides a couple of hours of videos I may start watching later tomorrow the day remains unplanned. My filing has been started and washing done, and did want a rest after last week's activities (visitors/visits every day) but not 100%. With no one else in the house making my own entertainment is all there is, and can't keep coming up with ideas, and wouldn't need to if there was someone else to talk to, that would be enough. Funnily enough I did have two offers from women to stay here today, one from an ex who may need a room for a few days and the other from a married woman who wasn't really serious. She probably would otherwise but not much use after the event. And then only maybe for my mind, they so often do, screw a bastard and unload on me. No obvious answers to that one.

So the CV has increased, I have now had work published in a book at the age of just 50, so shows if you have something to offer and keep offering it (especially for nothing, although in this case I actually paid a little to buy the book as well) it will eventually be accepted. Not so myself apparently, as no single acceptable woman has yet coincided with interest in me since 2002. But I do my best and when I used to be able to follow up every possible lead spent years on dodgy blind dates and never scored with any but one of them. The usual venue was a pub, and unless the few who lived near me were at their end, from Essex to Surrey and all points between. A few saw me and ran (I saw them do it), the others were average (I'd seen photos by then, no shocks after 30 for me), but despite being quite happy to give them all a go none saw me more than a few times and didn't let me do anything before disappearing. I went anywhere more or less, paid for them and from what I remember need one who shares my sense of humour before she gets me. The rest seem to be from another planet (the boring one) and don't get me at all.

I've also seen an apparent lack of any supernatural events or spiritual progress recently. Everything seems very ordinary and although once you know it's not as simple as that it can still appear to be, and long enough to almost forget it is. I can't imagine what may happen next on that front, and wondering how long it will take to edit my video as well, a task you'd assume would be included with the camera. Nope. I admit things have gone pretty smoothly this week, a business issue has been sorted out, my sunglasses are being made and all food is here. I filled the free day today with no trouble at all, and shouldn't think about the next following besides an idea to fill it, which so far hasn't come to me. It's too cold to walk around much outside as I do when it is, could make another video few people will watch in another suburb like the others, and make a few dubious speculative phone calls when I get back. I never mind digging for gold but only when I know there is some there at all, however little. I may only turn up cat poop at this rate though.

Waiting like an orange

While I read the paper or sit at the computer (no photos in the snow, they all look the same) I keep finding more technical data contradicting global warming- the sunspot lows have caused the upper atmosphere to cool, Arctic ice grew in the last 2 years during each summer, and more and more. Now how all this can coexist with the simplistic formula that our CO2 has done the job of a) warming beyond the natural and b) that's actually a bad thing beats me as to the total stupidity of some people in the face of all evidence. Especially as the third item said the measurements of CO2 had been so flawed in fact they were reabsorbed as they were created. I despair at the sheer impenetrable ego of so many people after they have clearly lost. But each day swings a little more to the truth.

Besides two bookings the time ahead is free but unknown. More snow started falling after it started melting today, so tomorrow could go either way. I doubt any photos will be taken somehow though. My rule of not caring about the days ahead, and planning for the next day at most does leave gaps until the time comes, and besides the usual ups and downs the guidance has been at the lowest level for a while now. If it's still leading me to a media break, woman and another old warning sign I can't see it yet. If it's still snowy this week the coursework will continue, something has to motivate me to keep doing it however pointless and sometimes expensive.

Last year was the first one when good things started arriving on their own more than every few years, but the downside is you start expecting it. It's all unreliable and the only reliable one is the women who dumped or turned you down in the past will never change. It would be so easy just to hook up again but even the few who didn't dump me aren't available. At 50 will I settle for attractive, harmless and braindead? I will have to see. Not being able to have a sensible conversation with someone is no different from having the cat around and that just isn't enough. A dull woman and a cat? Just two cats really. And someone to help with the housework, but I have one already I pay. Cooking? I manage already. It could be easy to take half full/empty but will always know it.

So maybe there's a reason the future is blanked out so far. It doesn't mean nothing decent will happen, just I don't know about it. The default however is space and if it doesn't then at best it will be space. Again when the weather breaks just walking around with the camera will be a relief, whatever I take just like all the others I've done before. I do sometimes feel all the effort I've put in to writing, communicating and helping people I ought to get more back, having an article published every year or so in something a few hundred people read, some promised photos in a book I'll have to pay to see, and top level media interviews that get nowhere won't make me a career in anything. Thank goodness I am qualified and experienced to produce the goods, but so can thousands of other hopefuls. They work somewhere for nothing or shag the editor. Being a man I would not do that for anything, I don't want those memories for the rest of my life. Bribery can work but I doubt I'd make a profit and probably get someone immune who calls the police. I'm not bent and won't get in that area as crime isn't the only way to succeed without contacts.

So it's currently dead as far as I can tell, will it stay or go?

Passing through the vacuum

If there is a message in my life somewhere it's incredibly well hidden. Even dreams of better places and things just return me back to normal after I wake up. Taking the risk she may even read this (not sure how but this is the internet) I am hoping for a reply from one of the few people like those I meet in my dreams, distant and unavailable but in contact. There's no shortage of right people for us, just ones who are interested. I'd marry at least 50 women I know, probably many more. Not because I compromise in any way but I just have learnt what I'm looking for and they all have it. There is a hierarchy of course, but doubt I'd mind if I had any of them and not another.

So if I look for a message all I can currently see is being poked towards enlightenment, which means equally being poked away from caring about what goes on in real life as whatever happens here is irrelevant to that. But even within the teaching until you get there you still suffer down here. That is heaven and hell everyone. It never meant waiting till you were dead. Hell is when you realise you aren't enlightened and heaven is when you are. And being dead means you don't care either way. Finding pleasure down here is a miracle if it lasts very long. I don't know about other people as most I come across through work suffer the most and although I remember pleasure it was punctuated by some pretty dreadful moments as well, as all our lives have to be. Those who have looked say the good and bad tend to even out over a lifetime. I can see many lives that would be lucky to get close. And those we assume are good are often papering over the cracks. There's every reason to turn your back. So any hidden messages just seem to be reminding me more and more this world isn't worth any effort so why bother, keep all my thoughts on the one beyond it.

Limbo though is between both and when you're possibly leaving one but not yet in the other then really you are where you were but can see where you are going. But the distance isn't known and there's no schedule. This so called recession mind you seems to be gradually returning just a little sanity to the world at last. Oil has come down to a price I can almost afford, and food prices are following. Halleluja. House prices haven't moved mind you, not round here, and that is not good news. Knowing it might be cheaper than it was a year ago to move to Chelmsford is no comfort to those who live in London and want to stay there. Apparently the last recession was when I started my last job (albeit after about 350 applications) and business boomed right through it. The only awareness of the recession was the number of applications as when I worked before my degree I could leave on Friday and find something new by Monday in most cases. I never needed more than a couple of weeks whatever though. London slowed drastically since, although when I went to live in Oxford once I'd left my details jobs came flooding in after a month or so. My first one went permanent so didn't need the others but told me they were available.

Having said that my personal preferences for jobs are so popular (ie just above a holiday) that I never stood a chance. The only one I got was so much like a holiday it had no customers so like its equivalent only lasted a week before I returned home. Now all my projects have basically dried up. I will call the library to see if they want any more photobooks and grudgingly call the TV company for the latest excuse why the last programme has done nothing. I'll start another painting now the clocks have gone back, but have no ideas besides wasting whatever spare time I have writing a book based on this blog which is a last resort of the last resorts. No real point writing a book without being a writer already or bloody famous in which case someone else will write it for you but give you the money. But realistically there's no big plans now. Business will look after itself now, and pleasure (as in finding a woman) has been described here already. Last week it was nice and I went to all the parks on the map I hadn't been to with the camera as it was my last chance till March. Getting dark between 3 and 4pm fucks up my leisure time totally and why I'll be painting again.

I think it's the first time I can remember I haven't been involved in at least one major project but as marriage and regular employment are already covered by most people then they can relax and enjoy the ride, if they are actually enjoying it. I know the formula it's usually when you look the other way something happens, but there isn't really anywhere else to look. It's the same in all directions.

Like a vacuum

The way you turn on clairvoyance is to clear your mind after tuning in to your subject and seeing what comes in. And there are many times I have to do that here, and whatever the quality something always comes in, as I wouldn't want to do an entry unless there was a reason, even if there was nothing known at the time.
So, what is there today? I am definitely in a phase as if it's being created by someone. It's the 'Just about OK but absolutely nothing' one that's been going on a few weeks now. My friend in Africa has got me meditating again and will continue to do so now as I've been picked up on it. No point wasting the gift.

Otherwise all is unknown. Obvious maybe but not certain. The inertia principle means little will change as however things are now is how they tend to continue, and no actual reasons why it should. I have new photographic trips over old ground for my bus and postcode groups, and always see new things wherever I go each time. I may even go to Watford if they still need the station. That has been the height of excitement now for weeks. Going to silly places to get photos. Edmonton, Walthamstow, Stockwell. I'd never have gone there again in my life otherwise I expect. Bus trips ahead include Merton, Brentford and Mortlake.
I have been given the details of someone who can do postcards a third of the price of the existing ones, although they are superior quality most shops want all postcards to be under 50p regardless.
I left a message with the TV producer last week to see if the contracts were any closer to being resolved, but of course no call back. They never have there in over 2 years, but when I posted a question about the programme on a TV forum they called me within days. It shows these guys really don't give a shit but if you tread on their toes they leap into action instantly. But this time the problem isn't their fault, but they still only call when they want you and never vice versa.

I'm saying prayers for the dead for my stillborn newspaper article. Most successful people in the media needed a big break, and so many like me had a chance which was binned and may never get another. I've had more hits on the programme excerpt now I got on Youtube than some of my programmes did over here.
Another interesting thing is how so many of the most intelligent and interesting people I know on the internet have chronic health problems. Sometimes it's as if they are forced out of a conventional life and into a creative one and some I know for sure would never have had the chance had their health been OK. But why can't they do it and not have to suffer to have to stop working first?

So, a mystery with a skeleton of trips to the usual variety of suburbs, and likely no more than that. I know having postcards in a few shops with my name on the back won't get me into any position in the media, but if it gets me even one commission will be a bonus. I'm in two minds whether to call the final remaining woman, as she always calls me if she wants to see me. I'd simply be putting a finger in the fire and get burnt out of sheer boredom and curiosity. I was thinking who else I could dig up for a regular seeing to, as my last standby found someone else the end of last year and there were no more sources after that.
I know one certainty as she'd been sending messages for a while, who was in a home for the not-all-there and bossy as hell. She wouldn't be happy with a weekly visit, it would be all or nothing and as she drove me mad at the time I couldn't have that again. Another left London ages ago and was no real pleasure when available, another is 200 miles away and trouble, and the last has so many problems I could never consider it again, plus that would be an all or nothing job as well rather than the weekly supply.

But as finding someone new is now something that only happens every few years at my sort of age, I'm 1000 times more likely finding an ex who is single than a needle in a haystack. It's already worked for someone else I know, he spent months looking for a new one and was back with the old within days. It's the difference between building a house and doing up an old one.
The only other time I remember putting an official effort to meet someone new was in 2000 for the millennium, and that took me 2 years. I did score a double in a couple of days, which is typical for me, the success phase seems to happen independently in all areas, and all my work clients come and go in bunches of a few at a time. That does imply we act as aerials sending out signals for each area and either attracting or repelling them like magnets. No ideas how but it's been the same as long as I can remember.

But now I need my break, in business and pleasure. Business would be one of the existing projects to happen or an equally good new one, and pleasure is bleeding obvious really. I did spend a while organising a singles night at the gym a couple of years ago only for the committee to cancel it after the staff wanted it to go on. The place was creaking with the weight of women, some must have been single but when you're in a gym you don't stop and ask them. Besides the crap music being on full volume men speak to men and women keep to themselves there. And probably across Britain as that's the way on thousands of buses, station platforms, shops, and every other public area, where everyone sees the same people day after day and carefully pretends they can't see them. I took the bus for 7 years to school and the same people waited at the stop most of the time and never knew who any of them were. I still saw a few walking around years later but all acted the way they did the first day I saw them. In a country without a heart how's anyone expected to do any better?

A life of holes

I've so far managed to get a quart out of a pint pot over the last week or so, but am wondering how long this can continue. With anything major possible it brings into very clear focus exactly what you do have in life, which is actually very little. Besides a possible newspaper article there are a few small items on the system with an equally small chance of appearing. The holes and no cheese.

This week I only have some trivial photo trips and housework known in advance, and know this could go on for months before I even hear about the article, let alone anything else. So I have a very rough skeleton and am wondering if anything more will ever add to it. Even the small steps that have been made in the last couple of years are just that and haven't changed my life yet.
I've given up trying to make sense of it. Even when you understand certain things it can't affect them. I am mainly a speactator now who does what he's told and searches for activities that are available. Even some silly little things, like when someone starts off incredibly helpful and efficient, offers service within a short time and then vanishes without delivering a thing. I couldn't dream of cutting anyone out of the loop on any project. Even telling someone to wait is enough. But they just don't bother.

Even tonight someone said they were getting a guest on the radio at 10pm when they normally do at 11. I trust my source yet not only was it not at 10 the person hasn't even been mentioned. They waste our time and offer whatever suits them at the time except for the rare decent ones, in every field. But letting people down is so unnecessary. It takes no more effort to correct a mistake in communication than it takes to make it. You can't plan ahead that much but for christ's sake tell people when you muck up. Again I've had three in a bunch doing this which is a communication that seems to have a purpose.

In fact last week I decided although I couldn't understand many psychic powers I would still research them, and the next day I read the same thing in a magazine. That includes coincidences and I will accept at least there is some control over our lives although clear something more than we know has to be causing them. But why make the consequences so dire or depressing? Why let me down three times in a week or so just to make a point I knew already? Some are to learn to handle or tolerate the inevitable problems, but others are just a pain in the arse and appear to teach me nothing besides confirm things do happen in bunches. At least I am confident in healing now as whatever power I channel often works and science can't fathom that one out let alone my brain.

So, another week ahead of impossibilities. And fucking Valentine's day where the toxic waste of the media is unavoidably seen and heard by every person in the world serially unaffected by the message. Another nail in the coffin of the quality of life. I do enjot moaning at least but will be delighted one day when I come here with nothing to moan about. Not for a while I suspect, if ever. Just reading the signs...