Dreaming of more

Looking back on the week I've done quite a bit, but technically nothing but space here and beyond. Besides the freedom to look up nearly every road from home now the other areas really need more than the basic routine which has hardly changed since my friends left the country 8 years ago. I've even had not a date this week (ie female, taken out, no more) which is good for the sanity but not the body. I've started scanning in my grandpa's slides from the 60s and 70s to be printed out when complete, and does not look like the photos I took a few weeks ago are going to be used in any shape or form, which brings to question why I was asked to do it at all. Basically you can't dismiss how you feel though, and if a day is boring you get bored, cause and effect are no different than any other physics, and therefore would be pretty incredible if I didn't even though there may be nothing wrong, there's not a lot else either.

Of course had there been a formula to get out of it we'd all be using it, but as my personal key is other people then without any around I can amuse myself until i can't any more. You don't leave pets alone and we're no different. And you can't talk an animal out of loneliness either. Cats can go out but if they return to an empty house are in a fairly similar position. That's just the reality, no value judgement is needed.

So it's always good to look back and see I haven't wasted the week, or even a day, but always seems to leave me back where I started. False hope is worse than no hope, and whether I've been set up for it by a fool's errand or just wonder if the same phase can't last forever it's really only exactly what there is that exists, and any more is only imagination. Although I have just read that inner and outer may be the same, meaning whatever we think is no different to the outer reality.
Then my dreams, which offer the best and worst extremes beyond normal reality may overlap after all, although they give me music and names and places which do exist, and show me road signs very similar to ones I find soon after in places with names which can be worked out from some of the locations. Now again, if they can show me road signs days or more before I find them then the other ones where a situation has been sorted out could point to that as well.

I don't think my dreams give me false hope although besides the signs none of the good ones have apparently become reality. The least they do is show me what I'm missing and how I'd feel if it happened. I would hate it if there was no point in them, or my life either. I have now graduated to being able to have all five senses in dreams recently, not all at once but they have all appeared in full at times now. If that means anything I don't know either, but does add a dimension to them which takes it further from imagination (I can't use any senses in that) to something half way between. I also saw a little clip about the meaning of satguru which explained it perfectly, that even when you have no teacher ask yourself the question and the best answer comes from your own, the satguru. That's been my online name since I arrived, hardly anyone either cares or understands what it means, but it's guided me to many things all my life, so wonder if I could listen to it more and keep myself out of trouble when I follow my ego/subconscious instead.

I will practice, ask more questions and see if the answers mean more than the guesses that would be the alternative. You know when you've got the right answer, evidence or not. That is intuition, the highest level of knowledge. That tells me when people are lying or trying to keep knowledge for themselves etc, telling me all I need to know about most people in authority. I share it and get torn down for attempting to kill sacred cows. Now excuse me, in the universe there is nothing but the truth, so why hold on to lies because the truth means the people you admired are lying and stealing from you, you can't rely on them so may god forbid have to rely on your own resources. Now that's frightening so rather than accept governments are our oppressors and enemies shout down anyone who suggests it as why would anyone want to ruin the world for their own benefit. Bloody hell, my question is why wouldn't they?

The nature of reality

Based on my latest reading, there are only two possibilities. Either life is as science presents or there is more. The book both says there is more, reflects much of my own experience, and gives ways to test it. I will report more as I go along although it says it's not necessary to tell a soul at least it helps organise my thoughts even though it's not designed to teach anyone anything.

I've continued the busy theme, a few appointments plus this major (for me) accounts job which kept me out of mischief all week although I'm not qualified to do it. Two good sets of photos added and plenty of spiritual business in between as my current course is taking me into the territory I mentioned above. Two women around (new experience) neither consummated, one preferred but the other available in comaprison, and I just see the comparison with the one who got away with the boyfriend who is really right for me. So I have the benchmark and all it does is show me the faults with the two I may have a chance with. So far. But as long as there's contact there's a little chance and as the feelings are there on both sides the huge male obstacle may not be as terminal as it appears. Just like watching fucking neighbours but this is a real life and my future (apologies to Americans as I suspect neighbours hasn't reached your shores due to plenty of home grown soaps). If anyone wrote a soap of the relatively active parts of their own lives few would know the difference, fiction is never more valid than fact or bloggers would be making it up to make it seem more interesting. You can relate far better to an ordinary real life than any old crap you can make up.

Rain today but I went to the gym and then saw friends opposite so had enough to do. Not much on the diary (nothing actually) besides avoiding the dentist, but I had no plans before and kept useful for weeks so far. And my comments are back, thanks everyone, it does make a difference.