Kingsbury day off

Pooh- who needs money...

I need rest or I won't be able to make any money if I'm not careful. Anyway, today was a free one from beginning to end, I started with blog entries and for both of you who wonder what I did by the end of the day, here it is.

My cleaner whizzed around in the background, I was stuck here and due to lack of English am unable to have more than a three word conversation with her, however much I'd like to (and maybe she would). Then it becomes a blur, as in what must have been a few more hours doing whatever I have to do on the internet, trying to get my Windows validated since the update said I had to, and also did another online/phone interview with a TV producer as I said.
I really don't remember leaving the room except to pee. I still have a pile of trivial nonsense to do such as a quiz involving predicting every detail of sport during the summer football holiday (besides the world cup, which in 2002 which is the only one I ever won on placing with the final winning position). So long at the computer and only just started what I had to do. Anyway, 8pm (TV time) seemed to arrive suddenly and by 10pm after my father had arrived to pick up some articles I'd run off for him I was back here again.

I was going for a walk at 11 until an expert on the bible was on the radio till midnight, and I learnt quite a lot, taking a reduced walk and filling in the main colours on my painting (as promised) before returning here. The bottom line though is how I feel, and whatever the details it felt like a good day. There were a few little phone calls as usual but so trivial not worth mentioning in detail. If the cat could talk she'd provide a better conversation than most. Using the facilities available becomes an art in itself. There's no point saying 'if' I had x y or z, as I don't. I can be elsewhere but I can't get any more than I have by choice. So as 'here' is better than most places I remain here and know enough people who would come here if they had the chance. The few friends I used to visit are long gone one way or another or I'd do that as well, but that's the way things are so I stay here.

On my personal speculation (anyone remember Crossroads, which kept me watching most of my life to find out what happens next) I've realised finding the details of my friend's email why he is staying in America will be so disappointing and depressing I may as well never know. He won't be coming back, I know that, so that's it. Being told why, and it won't be before 4,6 or 8 years won't be any better. So I've decided to forget the business and not care the fact each day the promised email doesn't arrive and why.

So, God or the angels aren't going to drop a female companion in my lap, my luck isn't good or bad as such a concept is false, and anything I'd like to shift to free up my pleasure in life won't just because I'd like it to. In business and academia I knew how much I could control my fate, and then realised the opposite to be the case for pleasure. Sure I can be like God creating a constant stream of work, writing, painting, music, photos, etc, but without someone with me I'm like a robot manufacturer just making things as I'm programmed to, but not able to mix with anyone most of the time. I do my best never to look back and know I've wasted time as I appreciate it too much. I know how to waste a week or year by letting myself drift, and that's not going to happen. I do what I can, and the rest is outside my control. But how I'd like for just one thing to shift, whatever that was.

I'd assume my life would shift a gear if:

One of the hundreds of desirable single women I knew decided I was good enough for them.
Whatever secrets the governments have about aliens/related subjects leaked out.
I had an income guaranteed long term (including working from home for an employer).
I was invited to move in with friends or family (and my cat).
I had one of those irreversible meditation experiences.
I could switch my aura vision on at will.
I found someone to pay me to write.
I could get the £400,000 extra to buy our old house which is for sale after 13 years.
I found there was life in other dimensions.
I could have out of body experiences.

I'll stick this on Funtrivia now and see what other people would wish for.