Empty space isn't good enough

I shouldn't be surprised, but after clearing all the shit out of the way last month I was just left with no shit but no sugar either. Just no. So despite no anxiety over upcoming events I only have what I have, empty freedom. I hoped to feel better simply having a clear life but it really isn't enough on its own, just a good place to start building from. I know exactly what I'm missing and besides just blitzing social events with strangers hoping I'll hook up with some eventually I can't really do anything practical to fix it.

I did work quite a bit last week so not so guilty there's none this week, but still been doing some business on the phone which is just as important. Otherwise it's been checking up on my late grandma's house and shopping. So thank goodness nothing's wrong, but I'm not apparently getting anywhere otherwise besides completing my old sign collection after 2 1/2 years. I still look but doesn't matter now. I have absolutely no plans either, tomorrow I haven't even thought about and will see when it arrives, let alone beyond. Having my first article published will certainly help, covering another ambition but that's ahead yet. My research of all sorts happens whether I'm looking or not, new information turns up sooner or later but unless it affects me directly all seems to be fairly irrelevant otherwise.

So the half a week has been doing whatever I can think of and although I definitely needed a rest would like a little direction or hope as well. I did see a small guidance today when I discovered something I needed to know due to a last minute invitation or I'd probably never have seen it. That was just the little sign I needed to tell me all was on track- it has been ever since it started over a year ago and the short time I thought it had slipped off it showed me it hadn't in the same type of way it had the first. Whatever or whoever directs this film is pretty impressive when awakened, but the gaps between miracles still give the impression maybe nothing's different, although it has to be. It is odd how even when you've found things are more than they seem they are still exactly the same when that element is dormant. Of course I'm not in control of these miracles and may never be, so it's like having a woman and losing them, whatever you know was possible doesn't mean it lasts or may even return in different forms. Except here it's a force outside the known, talked about since the beginning of history but until it's happened to you would seem a fairy story.

So I am trying to contact the source of these miracles now. I've read the whole series of Conversations with God and plenty of the Celestine Prophecy and they tell me this is the next stage of our evolution, and those experiencing it now are the advance guard while only available to adepts till now. But I am slowly running out of time, you don't want a situation like retiring at 65 and not being fit enough to enjoy it. I believe I can't do any more to increase this power (especially as it found me, I didn't make it happen at all) and besides meditating more often I've got few other tricks that could do so from my side. But I can't deny it's there, and presumably all the time as it can tweak things at any time and can't do that popping in now and again as needs to know the whole picture. And it really isn't cheating to call up miracles, it's our heritage which very few have realised in practice. Does a cake taste any worse you made or bought? Calling up any other event is no different from making a cake, you just decide to make a woman or anything else you need and instead of having no direct way of getting them (there are the two lists, those like cakes we can more or less have at will and the others) just do it the same way. I think that's worked that one out right as I wrote it.

So I'd like to have a full communication with this force and then use it to get the things I want which don't come directly in the physical world like cake to all come the same way. Like decorating your house, you choose a vision and create it. I just aim to include as much as possible within that vision as I can see it's possible to happen, and ultimately become part of that force knowingly, as it can't really be from the outside, it's everywhere and everything. The reading has started to become the experience, but only just so far.