How I'd plan it

I am going to see if I can fill in the gaps in my guidance now, by imagining it all (see the rules in the Celestine Prophecy) and seeing where it should go ahead if complete. It has worked now, using the medium of road signs which I collect, and the latest was to aim me towards a negative where I'd sent the prints off at the time as were evidence for a road accident. That was the first one I knew and missed, and although the result was tiny and fuzzy you could at least recognise which one it was. I am hoping, possibly even guessing I am heading for an eventual spiritual growth- the lessons I've had over the years have been as much as anyone not actually living in an ashram, and to get nothing out of it besides the ability to tune into people and places to pick up random bits of information seems a bit like poor value. The guidance, rather than making me actually feel good (I should have such luck) has given me material objects, no people yet but helped my collections and done other small things since which I am pretty clear are part of it.

So what could it do ahead? I have my list. My career, unpaid or otherwise, in the media- so far I've really created the lot quite well myself but am hardly either a household name or earning a penny from it. A little nudge in the right direction would of course help there, as the breakthrough to a national paper or TV station is the only thing that would complete that job. People are next, as my friends have moved and spread around so I barely ever see them (OK , I see the ones left over who are a few sandwiches short of a picnic, but no one should be left to resort to that, so one or two around regularly would make a huge difference. Needless to say my own spiritual development would make me feel better whatever else was going on. I've put together a huge collection of methods from Youtube and products bought thereof, and Louix Dor Dempriex seems to have the trick, as it's the only thing I've ever felt something happen whatever my mind thinks of what I'm being told to do. The others I learnt make sense but diddly squat to show from them yet. Then the losses and loose ends. I want to live back in the area I used to, the most expensive in the world (no, I don't need to exaggerate), get back more of the things I missed if possible including my IQ test results (old or repeated if necessary) so I can finally join Mensa on their new rules, find anything else I could have had like the original sign photo but hadn't yet located, and anything (or anyone) I thought I'd lost.

Considering I now have a more or less complete old road sign photo collection, four TV speaking appearances, one published article, every possible known meditation method in case they actually do something eventually, and most of my finances sorted out (except for the big move of course) some things are covered but there's so much more left. And I have the recognised methods of manifestation I seem to have got to work a couple of times which will continue as part of the system to use, and really need to sort out the anxiety so I'm not scared of disaster whenever the slightest thing sets me off. There are very good reasons for this combined with my existing condition- where what you fear the most actually turns real you have the imagination turning into reality so the world is no longer at all a safe place. I'm covering one area by one, eliminating the first items on the list and hopefully if I end then there'll be none left and I'll be free of the monsters at last. It is mainly based on lack of information so until you know whether something's dangerous or not you tend to assume it is. Better safe than sorry, and having to test every single area. As Louix says, enlightenment is when love takes over from fear, so if I get rid of enough fear (I only need it where one dominates the other, not 100%) I will make it. How many do is another story, but the less fear I have the better regardless.

So I'd end up with the woman, friends again, living where I wanted to, famous, stable and maybe even enlightened. Maybe if I get some more messages in dreams, random (apparently but not) information and news that helps and basically divide the work half by me and half by outside as both need to work together to win. All is connected and if it all fits together then things happen the right ways. But less pain please.

My arse...

The old cliche of post coital depression applies to any other high when surrounded by lows after the event. I've achieved a heck of a lot recently but each time I get something it adds to my collection and no more. The attitude of the returnee to the gym that I can get anything and anyone I want may be his belief but I've yet to know how he expects anyone to do it. Short of accosting strangers it's not likely via agencies and groups just attract people interested in a subject who are rarely single. If I find out his formula (I bet...) I'll pas it on, although he's more likely to give me a personal regime to go with it if I ask.
Of course it's a relief to know I've filled so many gaps in my collection and increased my media work but it's not affecting my life either. I think the fact I'm gradually starting to go out and see a few people again is something, although it was quite normal till a few years ago for various reasons it all but stopped, and like shopping I now appreciate all I do whoever I have to tolerate to do so.
But the last thing I want is the peaks to stop, but you need the lasting levels to really improve your life, the rest are extras.

Underneath we all want the same things, not the ways we get them but how they make us feel. The route we take is based on our own interests and preferences but all designed to maximise the quality of life. I have my own template, my family life till my mother left and the people I saw every year on holiday for 21 years. Both were located in the best areas which makes a lot of difference and of course when you're finally kicked out of the family home (we all were as my parents got divorced and the house was sold) unless something's made you a millionaire you have to start from the bottom. I'm now where my parents would have been after maybe 10 years, so haven't done too badly, but knowing the missing parts from experience am fully aware when they aren't present. Other people hate family life and home and would rather travel, but they look for the same out of it as I do from hanging about locally with friends and family. And far better you're happy with what's here and now than have to go all over the place to look for it.

All I hope is my life creeps or even jumps closer to this ambition, whether or not I appear to be controlling it. Like Monday, I looked in places online for signs but not up to me if someone's put them there. I'm only the hunter, I haven't planted the gold as well. Until I'm enlightened when I'll be it all.

A snapshot

With the cat on my lap stopping me watch what passes as a test match I have little left to do but pop in here. Then I suppose I'll check the stats in case anyone read my last entry. Christmas was better than for a few years, though most was recorded there were some decent TV programmes at last, and just returned from dinner at my grandmas. Tomorrow is one appointment then dinner at my mum so nothing to make me wonder what to do. Wednesday is planned sunglasses day (and first day my bifocals may arrive). It'll be nice to see clearly again so am looking forward to it. The a trip to Wembley to take photos of another railway line. Solitary pursuits mainly but keep me occupied.

Blogger seems to be working now though I need to redirect the login manually it gets me there eventually. Then in a couple of weeks the new computer arrives, 3 times faster than this and Intel chip this time. And a Windows CD if you know what I mean. I have 4-6 people coming new year's eve, something of a tradition since the last 2 places I went to are no longer available. I'd like one of the prospective women on my list to come but she has no transport and would probably not want to bother, plus my other friends would probably embarrass her with comments about getting it on with me. Probably better to wait and see her privately. London can be such a shit place with distances being expanded by 10 compared to travelling outside, if you drive 10 miles into London it can take the same time as driving from here to Birmingham, I've done it and am so put off wasting time waiting to get to places I rarely bother now and just avoid the areas altogether. I know more and more people who if they meet people in difficult areas just don't bother with them. Why the hell we should live in a society where despite hardly anyone we know being around full stop, then having to restrict who we see by location as it's so hard to get around? Talk about middle ages, it is now no easier to travel round London than it was with horses. It's not just me, the tougher it gets the more people add to the list of frustration.

I really need something to change and unfortunately these sort of changes come as miracles when they do. 14 years of living alone has become less easy to tolerate rather than used to it, as I really see no end without a miracle and don't see why when so many others are alone they should have to at all. There is little worse than insoluble problems, especially when you've been used to having the sort of intellect that can solve problems better than most. When you then come across one you and others know is beyond any help it's like losing your legs. How many people haven't been satisfied with a situation to the extent of solving it? Or at least doing everything they could in case they could. Mythology is full of impossible tasks and whether or not there is a god there's a situation or 3 thousand round here that I do not find necessary or helpful. Am I alone here?