Getting nowhere?

I'm at such a loose end at the moment I've almost become circumcised again had it been possible. I've done a bit of work so able to pay the bills for a few more weeks and precious little else. I found yet another before and after temperature chart, this time the whole USA showing they've swapped cooling for warming figures with no shame at all. But we know and that's the biggest shame of all. Their wig, false teeth and eyelashes and padded bras have fallen off and we see the pathetic dying joke that global warming truly is.

My other inner life is as quiet as the outer at the moment, although I know something out there can communicate and arrange my life it still leaves me to it most of the time and not conscious of anything there as if there never had been. Just staying out of trouble is a start but must be more than that to actually enjoy life. My research areas- ufos, psychic and the like haven't really produced a lot besides the guidance I mentioned over a year ago now which has continued and widened its scope, but very much the exception of the time so far. Being a natural detective, and wanting to find more than there appears to be I am always looking for something, and my intuition also points me towards areas that smoke without fire. In the areas I look in you're more likely to get shot than a Nobel Prize for discovering the truth let alone publicising it, but you only get your one chance if you do and would be a waste if you sat on it just in case. The number of qualified people who still believe this is all there is is one more reason I keep looking, they need shaking up and educating, and when anything I believe to be true becomes proved then they will have egg right across their bodies, let alone their faces.
I did read a piece on the psychology of belief today and is a sad reflection on why only a small minority of people are relatively immune to liars, however good.

Even the blogs seem to be very little inspired at the moment, I see the same material going round and round simply as it's reflecting life here. The only question is whether it's a circle or a spiral carrying me along as well as back where I started. Thank my blessings- my house, teeth (nearly all man made crowns but intact), parents (that's it for family now by blood relatives anyway), friends (when I get to see them nowadays), savings (at record low interest rates meaning the chance of spending some if carries on a lot longer), my qualifications (although half what I planned) and my TV shows. Even most of that list was still qualified by caveats, which is probably most people's situation- so many couples I come across on the wrong side (as their therapist) are happy as far as everyone's concerned except each other. I settle for people and stick with them but I think most were desperate and didn't really check everything before getting caught. I'm sure I have many more things to be thankful for but not straight away.
I'll be happy after the doctor tomorrow anyway, I don't like all that stuff so will also get another little hurdle out of the way. The rest should follow naturally.

My arse...

The old cliche of post coital depression applies to any other high when surrounded by lows after the event. I've achieved a heck of a lot recently but each time I get something it adds to my collection and no more. The attitude of the returnee to the gym that I can get anything and anyone I want may be his belief but I've yet to know how he expects anyone to do it. Short of accosting strangers it's not likely via agencies and groups just attract people interested in a subject who are rarely single. If I find out his formula (I bet...) I'll pas it on, although he's more likely to give me a personal regime to go with it if I ask.
Of course it's a relief to know I've filled so many gaps in my collection and increased my media work but it's not affecting my life either. I think the fact I'm gradually starting to go out and see a few people again is something, although it was quite normal till a few years ago for various reasons it all but stopped, and like shopping I now appreciate all I do whoever I have to tolerate to do so.
But the last thing I want is the peaks to stop, but you need the lasting levels to really improve your life, the rest are extras.

Underneath we all want the same things, not the ways we get them but how they make us feel. The route we take is based on our own interests and preferences but all designed to maximise the quality of life. I have my own template, my family life till my mother left and the people I saw every year on holiday for 21 years. Both were located in the best areas which makes a lot of difference and of course when you're finally kicked out of the family home (we all were as my parents got divorced and the house was sold) unless something's made you a millionaire you have to start from the bottom. I'm now where my parents would have been after maybe 10 years, so haven't done too badly, but knowing the missing parts from experience am fully aware when they aren't present. Other people hate family life and home and would rather travel, but they look for the same out of it as I do from hanging about locally with friends and family. And far better you're happy with what's here and now than have to go all over the place to look for it.

All I hope is my life creeps or even jumps closer to this ambition, whether or not I appear to be controlling it. Like Monday, I looked in places online for signs but not up to me if someone's put them there. I'm only the hunter, I haven't planted the gold as well. Until I'm enlightened when I'll be it all.

Progress, what progress?

Boy it's gone quiet- I did have some work today so not a total wipeout, but other plans have ended in nothing so far, and spending ages on forums presenting data on global warming most prefer to avoid. I clearly have a job to do as each believer gets sucked in, chewed up and hopefully spat out. The trickery involved make the mafia look like rank amateurs.
The snow has been replaced by two solid days of rain, I found another sign obscured by a tree online not far away, and found what I suspected, a pair of urban clearway signs on a suburban road in Surrey. No idea how they were put there, not old but just odd.

After work I've been clearing the house ready for tomorrow's visitors, I didn't go out for food due to the lousy weather and hope tomorrow's better, as I've got to cater for everyone regardless. I would be out for a walk now if it was dry but can't plan everything. I did also phone the very much ex from the middle of nowhere only to find she'd moved house and had her mobile switched off. I'll have another go though, I want to know why she's dropped me after over 30 years backwards and forwards when she was married and abroad among other things. That is a loose end that has to be tied. I also have to go to the neighhbour's bank tomorrow while probably pissing it down, and pay to park there. I was given yet another mission as well (one favour usually leads to many more) but haven't received my instructions yet so may not be able to till after the next holidays. Unless it arrives in time.

I'm still waiting for anything decent to happen for a while now, little things have turned up on and off but the momentum has swung the wrong way for a bit with lots of little things going wrong. Again it's an energy stream and can see how just like when a woman goes off you when you show yourself up, life has gone off me for a while and whatever I do besides work seems to have turned nasty. All outside my control, illustrating that if you don't work on yourself the world continues to go up and down eternally. Except mine isn't going up and down but switching to all and then nothing for weeks or more. That is the same proportions but not the same randomness, so still guided even when through series of field pancakes. I'm surviving so far but seriously stressed at the moment. Even the simple exercise of going for a walk can't be done (unless the rain stops before bedtime after 48 hours or so, some chance), so I'll keep tidying, watch more of my old videos (I'm still trying to find a part I did in Essex that has to be there somewhere) and any more will come from outside.
The stress is apparently (we have to look for the reasons) there to train me to protect myself from it, but stress is stress and hundreds of times worse with no one to help.

So I can only hope for better, it has been better and the ghosts of earlier times have returned just like the bad weather, dropping their feculence (look it up) over me and coming back for another go. I suppose everything has a polarity in duality (they are the same thing really, one is the general to the particulars) so energy can be as much the dark forces as the light. I need to find ways to clear these away as even when they appear to be going they still hang around and empty the remainder of their intestines on me before hopefully finally moving on. I still see energy systems at work around me, and have to learn to direct them or else I get the lot.

A little too much excitement

It's getting a bit chaotic here again, besides life as normal I've managed to get two separate death threats this week and it's only Wednesday. Now I don't know the average a person is expected to get in their life but like everything else when that energy is around it seems to be coming from everywhere at once. The first was on Youtube and probably follows a long campaign for making a video on some gang's council estate. Then a schizophrenic I used to know who I dropped when he turned nasty just rang up and said he's going to kill me for various paranoid delusional type reasons. Anyone who doesn't believe in some sort of karma as described in Autobiography of a Yogi may start wondering after seeing all the phases I've been sent.

Now taking it to the traditional eastern view these events imply my spiritual work has reached a level where karma is becoming almost instant and the issues I've had saved up are all coming at once so I can get rid of them to be clear for enlightenment. Of course a physical death and a symbolic death of the ego is a close thing, as the greatest barrier to enlightenment is the fear of losing it, although it is something we were born to lose, like our milk teeth, and maybe our virginity. It is impossible to ignore the arrangement I see around me more and more and that also means there's sod all difference I can make about whoever wants to kill me as whatever's meant to happen will. Now wasting my future seems a bit beyond the purpose of any sort of karma, and more likely to see how I deal with it to see if I'm ready. Detachment is probably the best move as it's all meant to be an illusion anyway. Dreams can be easily created to any script so why not the dream we think is reality?

So besides the attacks on my peace I've been reasonably busy in the proper summer weather that may well be a week in a year of British cold and wet. Visitors today although one didn't make it, too hot for any gardening but did some food shopping and washing up. And more accounts which almost seem to be working now for the annual returns which are beyond me and normally checked by an accountant. No doubt if they are rubbish they will be sent back and have to be but all the programming has been updated and seems to work although balancing accounts was one bit I never got at college when I did it. There's a trick they used to take the two parallel figures of income and outgoings and then use the owner's equity to make the difference up, a bit like lining up the two layers of toilet paper when they get out of line. But nowadays the balance sheet is done by the computer and we only get involved when it flags up an error. Now having seen a few before I didn't this time so can but hope. Under law you don't need an accountant to do quarterly and annual returns so I am a lot cheaper. But if they want them to balance as well then I'm not the man.

Normal obligations the rest of the week, clearing my late grandma's house, gardening and a work booking on Saturday. But my road sign collection is nearly complete now with one of the rarest appearing on Monday. Assuming neither lunatic carries out their threats I can then look ahead to the following week, football friendlies, no school annual reunion as it's the day I'm working (unless it finishes before I expect to) and who knows what ahead.
I did stop reading blogs for a while for the simple reason everyone on my list stopped writing or deleted them altogether. It took a while to add a few new ones to read and being on the road so much this year and Streetview to help me search I've had little time for other sites besides my daily quizzes. My scores continue to improve as not only do I keep learning new facts I get the same questions over again until they become familiar. I'll be back though as when all the other stuff gets done I'll have more time to wander around the other places again. Before the buggers cut off the profile links for a year I was getting 50 hits a day. I'm lucky to get double figures now. Search me.