I have a pretty clean slate now. Jobs that needed doing have been done and collecting a heap of stuff from late grandma's tomorrow to give away. I'm back Streetviewing after a week off and hope something easy to get to turns up just to keep me at it. I may well see the harmless but useless woman this week after managing to delay it for two weeks, as I get almost nothing back (well technically zero) so don't see the point besides being the nearest thing I get to socialising at the moment.
Looking back I have done pretty well this year:
Lots of rare old road signs mainly down to the new Streetview coverage
Been to a party (a rare event nowadays and one the nerves had to deal with)
Dealt with all business and work issues smoothly
Visited a few people (see party entry above- as rarely invited is a big deal nowadays)
Both seen the guidance continue from last year plus now seeing connections around me
Been to various pubs with said woman which were also a good test for my nerves
Did a photo shoot in a restaurant (see party entry again)
Of course there's a lot more especially as some of these only keep me out of trouble or add to collections without really changing my life. My TV is also currently awaiting a circuit diagram before a resistor can be fitted but presumably will avoid me needing a new one just yet. At the end of the month the PC is swapping the 40gb drive (full besides the partition) for a 350 or 500gb job so should also last a good few years. The PC is a custom made Microsoft job plus my old HDD which is now about to go, meaning it will all be reasonably up to date. Being on the damn thing most of the day (it's educational though) means I need the best stuff as time is business and the slower the more wasted. I could have done with a dual core processor but can't have everything.
Having met someone else from a website over the weekend more are planned next week at a photo exhibition (nerves aside), at least I've been before and quite an easy place to visit. After two years of amateur agoraphobia becoming professional I appreciate every place I get to now, although terrified of the harder ones in advance to various degrees. There are very good reasons I am as it was driven by genuine health problems which turned it from avoiding the worst to avoiding almost everything. I have come across more local people online as well and plan to meet a good few more if they want to. I know I do my best, and when I was OK physically did a heck of a lot more to get me where I am today. And looking ahead when I was 18 would have probably settled for the academic prizes I achieved, although one (master's degree) had to be abandoned I have the rest of the ones I actually needed, the other was purely for pride although may have got me a lecturing job had I tried. I did manage to virtually never do a standup routine when I was teaching, it was a new job and had to behave myself. Maybe if I went along with the fart jokes (some classes managed more than I used to) I may have got more of them under control, but may also have got sacked which never happened.
My hope is now I've seen myself guided in one area the woman, career and social life will follow. I have larger ambitions as well but they are really down to grace, as the masters call it.
Showing posts with label ambition. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ambition. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Thursday, March 25, 2010
My arse...
The old cliche of post coital depression applies to any other high when surrounded by lows after the event. I've achieved a heck of a lot recently but each time I get something it adds to my collection and no more. The attitude of the returnee to the gym that I can get anything and anyone I want may be his belief but I've yet to know how he expects anyone to do it. Short of accosting strangers it's not likely via agencies and groups just attract people interested in a subject who are rarely single. If I find out his formula (I bet...) I'll pas it on, although he's more likely to give me a personal regime to go with it if I ask.
Of course it's a relief to know I've filled so many gaps in my collection and increased my media work but it's not affecting my life either. I think the fact I'm gradually starting to go out and see a few people again is something, although it was quite normal till a few years ago for various reasons it all but stopped, and like shopping I now appreciate all I do whoever I have to tolerate to do so.
But the last thing I want is the peaks to stop, but you need the lasting levels to really improve your life, the rest are extras.
Underneath we all want the same things, not the ways we get them but how they make us feel. The route we take is based on our own interests and preferences but all designed to maximise the quality of life. I have my own template, my family life till my mother left and the people I saw every year on holiday for 21 years. Both were located in the best areas which makes a lot of difference and of course when you're finally kicked out of the family home (we all were as my parents got divorced and the house was sold) unless something's made you a millionaire you have to start from the bottom. I'm now where my parents would have been after maybe 10 years, so haven't done too badly, but knowing the missing parts from experience am fully aware when they aren't present. Other people hate family life and home and would rather travel, but they look for the same out of it as I do from hanging about locally with friends and family. And far better you're happy with what's here and now than have to go all over the place to look for it.
All I hope is my life creeps or even jumps closer to this ambition, whether or not I appear to be controlling it. Like Monday, I looked in places online for signs but not up to me if someone's put them there. I'm only the hunter, I haven't planted the gold as well. Until I'm enlightened when I'll be it all.
Of course it's a relief to know I've filled so many gaps in my collection and increased my media work but it's not affecting my life either. I think the fact I'm gradually starting to go out and see a few people again is something, although it was quite normal till a few years ago for various reasons it all but stopped, and like shopping I now appreciate all I do whoever I have to tolerate to do so.
But the last thing I want is the peaks to stop, but you need the lasting levels to really improve your life, the rest are extras.
Underneath we all want the same things, not the ways we get them but how they make us feel. The route we take is based on our own interests and preferences but all designed to maximise the quality of life. I have my own template, my family life till my mother left and the people I saw every year on holiday for 21 years. Both were located in the best areas which makes a lot of difference and of course when you're finally kicked out of the family home (we all were as my parents got divorced and the house was sold) unless something's made you a millionaire you have to start from the bottom. I'm now where my parents would have been after maybe 10 years, so haven't done too badly, but knowing the missing parts from experience am fully aware when they aren't present. Other people hate family life and home and would rather travel, but they look for the same out of it as I do from hanging about locally with friends and family. And far better you're happy with what's here and now than have to go all over the place to look for it.
All I hope is my life creeps or even jumps closer to this ambition, whether or not I appear to be controlling it. Like Monday, I looked in places online for signs but not up to me if someone's put them there. I'm only the hunter, I haven't planted the gold as well. Until I'm enlightened when I'll be it all.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
How the guidance has worked
Having recently read that guidance does not stop just because it seems to I must continue to trust it and see it in all the smallest areas as well as largest. Like today when I had various dubious plans for an otherwise dead saturday, and slept so badly I stayed in. That allowed me to both plant the new flowers I'd been given before they died and scan more photos online as there was little else to do, and also caught up on my recorded videos besides the one last night that didn't work (Mr Ferguson say 'Record three programmes a day, we kill one. It's the law of the video'). I can't think of a day I recorded a few programmes and they all got done, it's like it becomes fed up and tells you to fuck off. And despite some programmes going on demand they aren't all.
I am just keeping up with the free time. Being let out of school or prison is the same. You feel great but not when you run out of things to do. Business may be taken care of but pleasure has different rules. I have managed to keep busy each day without knowing what I was doing the day after. I know exactly the levels I need to reach, partly the ones of the past when I lived with a family and in a more civilised area, and partly the career level of being at the top. I haven't rushed. I started drama lessons at 14, started performing at 16 in clubs and whatever else I've done have never neglected that side without being able to join the all powerful union. That is like trying to do a marathon with one leg. It is possible but will take 100 times longer than someone with two. As it has in my media career. But they didn't stop it, they just delayed it as loopholes were found and I am now seen worldwide without the need to join any acting or journalism union. It's the hard way but not impossible.
Now I need to finish what I started before I'm at retirement age, what's the point of a successful media career with too few years to exploit it? You don't get many groupies at 60 do you? Currently the media career is over as in no more projects left, but the way it works is I get a call from a producer or a journalist, we have an informal chat, some call back and do a full interview and maybe a fifth end up being used. But it's now quality rather than quantity, one national paper or terrestrial TV station is all it needs and I can do satellite stuff annually and not make a scratch on the mirror of fame. It's watched by a lot of people worldwide but very few in each country, terrestrial is all here and watched by millions who recognise you the next day in the street. Having experienced that once it's not an illusion. Five seconds on Channel4 peak time, no speaking, I was mobbed when I went to the gym. That is power. Get in the paper and old friends who'd lost track of you can all the paper and find you again, these things all link together and fill in social gaps as well as career ones.
The guidance can't just be to a normal life as that happens with none and always randomly, good and bad. Instead if guided it must have an aim and being directed to actual ambitions whatever I do in response. It's about aiming in a direction and seeing how you get there with no map. There's no direct path to fame, enlightenment or marriage. You just have to choose it and want it to happen and see how you get there. The guidance fills the links that aren't there otherwise and allows a project to be complete. The old road signs allowed me to see it work, four steps or more to get a goal and in the case of the woman at the library maybe two goals at once. And the first ever example when I had run out of signs and activities, googled old signs for 3 hours, found one, went there a different way from usual and found another on the way and a third by making a wrong turning as someone had named the wrong road which was the one I was on next to it.
The no entry sign was the same, I found speed limits in Pinner, lane directions on the way home, realised there would be an extra one, went back, took it, went home and got caught at traffic lights where the no entry sign was, but illegible as the paint had worn off. Having time to look properly (in the dark) I worked out it was too big for a new one so should have writing in and it did, offered to paint it and is now like new. No alternatives as since Pinewood Studios pulled their two out last year the only known working one in Britain is in Cornwall plus one two miles from me. Had all those steps not happened I may never have spotted it as it was totally illegible as a text sign and not somewhere I often went.
I have told both these stories already but recapped for new readers who wanted to know what I meant by guidance. One example was enough for me, two is beyond any odds in any universe. I just wonder how long it'll take and where it'll go as although I have all the signs now they only save me looking for them and don't change my life otherwise. Plus there was no response from the local papers about painting the sign so another lost media opportunity. I know where I should be guided to but although I just about trust it's always there even when nothing seems to happen I'm ready for something big now. I know the difference and it also has to be something with lasting effects, although another old sign with a red triangle would do as well.
I am just keeping up with the free time. Being let out of school or prison is the same. You feel great but not when you run out of things to do. Business may be taken care of but pleasure has different rules. I have managed to keep busy each day without knowing what I was doing the day after. I know exactly the levels I need to reach, partly the ones of the past when I lived with a family and in a more civilised area, and partly the career level of being at the top. I haven't rushed. I started drama lessons at 14, started performing at 16 in clubs and whatever else I've done have never neglected that side without being able to join the all powerful union. That is like trying to do a marathon with one leg. It is possible but will take 100 times longer than someone with two. As it has in my media career. But they didn't stop it, they just delayed it as loopholes were found and I am now seen worldwide without the need to join any acting or journalism union. It's the hard way but not impossible.
Now I need to finish what I started before I'm at retirement age, what's the point of a successful media career with too few years to exploit it? You don't get many groupies at 60 do you? Currently the media career is over as in no more projects left, but the way it works is I get a call from a producer or a journalist, we have an informal chat, some call back and do a full interview and maybe a fifth end up being used. But it's now quality rather than quantity, one national paper or terrestrial TV station is all it needs and I can do satellite stuff annually and not make a scratch on the mirror of fame. It's watched by a lot of people worldwide but very few in each country, terrestrial is all here and watched by millions who recognise you the next day in the street. Having experienced that once it's not an illusion. Five seconds on Channel4 peak time, no speaking, I was mobbed when I went to the gym. That is power. Get in the paper and old friends who'd lost track of you can all the paper and find you again, these things all link together and fill in social gaps as well as career ones.
The guidance can't just be to a normal life as that happens with none and always randomly, good and bad. Instead if guided it must have an aim and being directed to actual ambitions whatever I do in response. It's about aiming in a direction and seeing how you get there with no map. There's no direct path to fame, enlightenment or marriage. You just have to choose it and want it to happen and see how you get there. The guidance fills the links that aren't there otherwise and allows a project to be complete. The old road signs allowed me to see it work, four steps or more to get a goal and in the case of the woman at the library maybe two goals at once. And the first ever example when I had run out of signs and activities, googled old signs for 3 hours, found one, went there a different way from usual and found another on the way and a third by making a wrong turning as someone had named the wrong road which was the one I was on next to it.
The no entry sign was the same, I found speed limits in Pinner, lane directions on the way home, realised there would be an extra one, went back, took it, went home and got caught at traffic lights where the no entry sign was, but illegible as the paint had worn off. Having time to look properly (in the dark) I worked out it was too big for a new one so should have writing in and it did, offered to paint it and is now like new. No alternatives as since Pinewood Studios pulled their two out last year the only known working one in Britain is in Cornwall plus one two miles from me. Had all those steps not happened I may never have spotted it as it was totally illegible as a text sign and not somewhere I often went.
I have told both these stories already but recapped for new readers who wanted to know what I meant by guidance. One example was enough for me, two is beyond any odds in any universe. I just wonder how long it'll take and where it'll go as although I have all the signs now they only save me looking for them and don't change my life otherwise. Plus there was no response from the local papers about painting the sign so another lost media opportunity. I know where I should be guided to but although I just about trust it's always there even when nothing seems to happen I'm ready for something big now. I know the difference and it also has to be something with lasting effects, although another old sign with a red triangle would do as well.
Friday, May 22, 2009
Current ambitions
Bugger me, I just looked back at the last entry and can confirm without checking it's the longest I've written (916 entries I think). No apologies as anyone can stop or come back to it if they want to, and find short entries far more irritating to read. 'I took the bus today and it was ten minutes late'. Yes, so? I've had books and essays rejected for being too short, publishers have minimum pages but not maximum so I think I've proved my point.
Things are OK at the moment, not wonderful but not bad. They have been a lot better, not for long and mainly interrupted first by annual exams (at least) and my mother leaving home, but far far better than now a lot of the time. I've picked up some tricks of course over the years like meditation but I'm little different generally besides older, wiser and more aware of all the hazards in life. The council and media replies are over apparently, and got a big fat zero, but I tried. Oh, one possible magazine for next year so just alive there. I have no plans left and only my new reading glasses and whether UKIP (our anti Europe and global warming party) do well in the forthcoming Euro elections. Of course they should have been limited to the music competition but we voted in and are stuck in the biggest nest of vipers since the last Roman Empire. As David Icke says, be aware of the evil and ignore it. No other way.
No actual plans, I Streetview all London's roads now with fewer and fewer old signs left to discover and nearly all the same ones each time, and covering the places outside as I did before on the roads as I did today. I got the no through road signs 8 and 9 along with a row of old 40 mph which of course are identical to every other. Very diminishing returns. I need one big break now to live again. Any one from:
A decent woman, a national newspaper article or TV appearance, a published book, a psychic power (beyond those I have), a step towards enlightenment and a council actually put in an old sign for me. All possible but not easy.
Getting a woman is easy for 99% of everyone I know so very mystified there, besides being the height of a 14 year old and now the hair of a baby (many start balding and end the same way), I'm pretty OK generally. I have reasonable manners, not at all bossy, spend money on women, and of course have two lines of letters after my name on A4 paper. But women are interested in men for their reasons, not mine. I do know if I make a toilet joke and they laugh the next stop is bed, but I haven't done that for ages. And I've had lots of women, but never the right ones for long enough to matter. There's one I caught up with from school who either posts old photos or is frozen in time, but appears to have all I need including possible availability. But as she's been in America for half her life since school then she may as well be married/dead/gay. One is gay and in Australia (as she was gay), and the rest are married or living so far away they may as well be. But they dumped me once and I won't find it from my past although many have.
The others are mainly career steps, logarithmic as each one is ten times less likely than the last. I'm really at the top level now as once you've got there you can't do better, only more which is easier as you've done it already. I've had three interviews already at that level so only need one to stick. 49 years of preparation so not exactly sudden. The psychic stuff is following my development, again the next levels are probably 100 times higher than existing but know many are possible if not all. I'm working on them as well.
I will otherwise just carry on alone and filling time till I die, which misses out the family life most people have and can see myself ending up like Barry George (the one who didn't kill Jill Dando) who is the same age and apparent social status of me. Besides having an IQ almost 100 points higher than him our lives are very similar. Loners living a fantasy world and being isolated from mainstream society despite living in London. No community to keep us busy like in small town life. And the only reason I haven't retried for Mensa now they've changed their rules is I'm scared I can't manage it any more. My mind flowed freely at 11 and has far more in the way and less energy than then. You can't overscore an IQ test but can easily mess one up which is why they allow retakes. My dry runs so far have mainly gone 5-10 points too low, with one just above the line. All done under test conditions from proper test papers so pretty marginal. One fucking letter was all there was between me and a social life and a little badge but no. I didn't know Mensa existed at 11 and had little use for a high IQ score as then exam results were all that counted. The psychologist told us the result, spoke to my mother and we left. She sent something to my headmaster who then wrote to my mother but on no paper we could find did anyone write the result. Someone else who worked there said she didn't remember them giving written results which is like passing your driving test without a certificate. It's like being in bloody Italy...
Anyway, those are my current ambitions, with few if any plans to get them done besides meditation as usual. That covers them all ultimately as gets you everything (also in the bible as the kingdom of God), but as that is the hardest task of all I can only point myself in the direction of the others and see if I get there. And before I'm 70 if possible while I can use it.
Things are OK at the moment, not wonderful but not bad. They have been a lot better, not for long and mainly interrupted first by annual exams (at least) and my mother leaving home, but far far better than now a lot of the time. I've picked up some tricks of course over the years like meditation but I'm little different generally besides older, wiser and more aware of all the hazards in life. The council and media replies are over apparently, and got a big fat zero, but I tried. Oh, one possible magazine for next year so just alive there. I have no plans left and only my new reading glasses and whether UKIP (our anti Europe and global warming party) do well in the forthcoming Euro elections. Of course they should have been limited to the music competition but we voted in and are stuck in the biggest nest of vipers since the last Roman Empire. As David Icke says, be aware of the evil and ignore it. No other way.
No actual plans, I Streetview all London's roads now with fewer and fewer old signs left to discover and nearly all the same ones each time, and covering the places outside as I did before on the roads as I did today. I got the no through road signs 8 and 9 along with a row of old 40 mph which of course are identical to every other. Very diminishing returns. I need one big break now to live again. Any one from:
A decent woman, a national newspaper article or TV appearance, a published book, a psychic power (beyond those I have), a step towards enlightenment and a council actually put in an old sign for me. All possible but not easy.
Getting a woman is easy for 99% of everyone I know so very mystified there, besides being the height of a 14 year old and now the hair of a baby (many start balding and end the same way), I'm pretty OK generally. I have reasonable manners, not at all bossy, spend money on women, and of course have two lines of letters after my name on A4 paper. But women are interested in men for their reasons, not mine. I do know if I make a toilet joke and they laugh the next stop is bed, but I haven't done that for ages. And I've had lots of women, but never the right ones for long enough to matter. There's one I caught up with from school who either posts old photos or is frozen in time, but appears to have all I need including possible availability. But as she's been in America for half her life since school then she may as well be married/dead/gay. One is gay and in Australia (as she was gay), and the rest are married or living so far away they may as well be. But they dumped me once and I won't find it from my past although many have.
The others are mainly career steps, logarithmic as each one is ten times less likely than the last. I'm really at the top level now as once you've got there you can't do better, only more which is easier as you've done it already. I've had three interviews already at that level so only need one to stick. 49 years of preparation so not exactly sudden. The psychic stuff is following my development, again the next levels are probably 100 times higher than existing but know many are possible if not all. I'm working on them as well.
I will otherwise just carry on alone and filling time till I die, which misses out the family life most people have and can see myself ending up like Barry George (the one who didn't kill Jill Dando) who is the same age and apparent social status of me. Besides having an IQ almost 100 points higher than him our lives are very similar. Loners living a fantasy world and being isolated from mainstream society despite living in London. No community to keep us busy like in small town life. And the only reason I haven't retried for Mensa now they've changed their rules is I'm scared I can't manage it any more. My mind flowed freely at 11 and has far more in the way and less energy than then. You can't overscore an IQ test but can easily mess one up which is why they allow retakes. My dry runs so far have mainly gone 5-10 points too low, with one just above the line. All done under test conditions from proper test papers so pretty marginal. One fucking letter was all there was between me and a social life and a little badge but no. I didn't know Mensa existed at 11 and had little use for a high IQ score as then exam results were all that counted. The psychologist told us the result, spoke to my mother and we left. She sent something to my headmaster who then wrote to my mother but on no paper we could find did anyone write the result. Someone else who worked there said she didn't remember them giving written results which is like passing your driving test without a certificate. It's like being in bloody Italy...
Anyway, those are my current ambitions, with few if any plans to get them done besides meditation as usual. That covers them all ultimately as gets you everything (also in the bible as the kingdom of God), but as that is the hardest task of all I can only point myself in the direction of the others and see if I get there. And before I'm 70 if possible while I can use it.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Waiting for the big one
Well the replies are slowly coming in, all questions so far and no answers but all on the case now. But I am waiting for the big one now. No idea what it would be if it was, but we all know when it happens. At the moment it would be getting an old warning sign complete with its red triangle, but the rest are also around like newspaper articles and such. Some are more down to us like qualifications, others we start but are left to others to decide like the media work. We do it and they decide to use it or not. I've had my share in the past, like all are divided into business and pleasure with overlaps.
Starting with the few successful girlfriends albeit short lived, followed by my degree and professional counselling qualification. They have business and personal effects as at least people take you a bit more seriously when they know you're not making all the theories you quote up. Then it tails off. Because I didn't pay to practice the Mensa test I screwed up big time on the real one as I didn't know the rules. I dropped out of my master's degree as I was working in the day and ran out of energy after 6 weeks of evening classes and couldn't drop the job and lose two more years working, I was saving up for a flat and may not have afforded it otherwise. I've done TV and newspaper articles, but not on terrestrial shows or national papers. Just foundations. Most people never go beyond those foundations and I am determined to be one who does. But not yet.
And it's not a rush, I'll be 50 next birthday, an age Sir Fred Goodwin, who lost more for RBS than Nick Leeson did for Barings, has retired already on a pension of £16,000 a week. As much as bloody Beckham or so. You can't string out the career and social ambitions far beyond 50 as I suspect the body just doesn't take it. Who wants kids when you'll be 60 before they go to school? That's another relatively simple ambition I never made, although still can with the right circumstances. So I started with a few big ones, some with lasting effects, plus my meditation course in 1997 so I now have the best (so they say) means to improve my being if I keep doing it. Well that would need to disconnect the internet as it used to follow the TV schedules but internet has none so hard to disconnect for an hour a week, let alone a day. If it had done more for me of course it would be different.
I know the more you want the less the chances of getting it but it's free to ask. So two councils, one newspaper and assorted others I've forgotten about are given ridiculous requests, the sort I'd have been embarrassed to answer when I was in the shop, although if people asked to borrow stuff for charity the owner usually accepted, (I think one complete badminton set was never returned but I digress), and each person thinks how they will say no without me trying to change their mind. Nothing I request is actually unreasonable, often just to return things to how they used to be. If they were like that for 50-100 years before now, then it isn't that incredible to ask to preserve a little of the past as time moves on? Don't replace everything, always keep a sample of what was lost. That's most of many of my campaigns and did get a railway journey to use the old tickets in 1999, 11 years after withdrawal, and I have a pack of the spares in my collection.
But so far although the projects are creeping ahead at last some I could have even avoided had I acted when I had the chance. See an old sign all your life and you never expect it to go. I took photos all around two of them, even the back of one. And the third I passed in the car, I wasn't driving, saw it suddenly, didn't ask to stop (I usually have the camera with me) and didn't write down where it was. When I went back to the likely spot it looked the same a few weeks later without it. That is one enquiry I'm waiting to hear about and even if they know if it has gone then I will only have no more need to look around.
The days ahead have a few little plans, an apparently known sign trip tomorrow on the M3, a call to someone who told me about a required red triangle sign but couldn't find it when I looked, waiting for a photo of a direction sign from a video I made, and that's about it. Now if I can gossip about anyone or anything next time without getting myself into any trouble I will, but the amount of sharp eyes and ears out there ready to get you digitally (as in technology, not with a finger) castrated is amazing. I was told anyone can read our emails if they know how and whatever I say online can get back to the target very easily as well. And not even with any names mentioned. There are some sick puppies out there who think it's so important to get anyone into trouble for talking about their lives instead of getting on with their own and talking about them as well. It's what we do, share. If they have to repress freedom of speech even online now by reporting what we say back to the subjects it is a sad day for humanity.
I hope any of the sods responsible read this as well as my emails, as I mean you. I will continue to write and say what I want about who I want as unless it's a lie it is legal to. If people don't like it they should write rude stuff about me and not try and get me into trouble instead. It gets no one anywhere when they do, and has no benefits for those who engineered it. All that happens is somewhere lost a good member of staff and they now have little useful to do on the internet. Good result? I think not. Pathetic.
Starting with the few successful girlfriends albeit short lived, followed by my degree and professional counselling qualification. They have business and personal effects as at least people take you a bit more seriously when they know you're not making all the theories you quote up. Then it tails off. Because I didn't pay to practice the Mensa test I screwed up big time on the real one as I didn't know the rules. I dropped out of my master's degree as I was working in the day and ran out of energy after 6 weeks of evening classes and couldn't drop the job and lose two more years working, I was saving up for a flat and may not have afforded it otherwise. I've done TV and newspaper articles, but not on terrestrial shows or national papers. Just foundations. Most people never go beyond those foundations and I am determined to be one who does. But not yet.
And it's not a rush, I'll be 50 next birthday, an age Sir Fred Goodwin, who lost more for RBS than Nick Leeson did for Barings, has retired already on a pension of £16,000 a week. As much as bloody Beckham or so. You can't string out the career and social ambitions far beyond 50 as I suspect the body just doesn't take it. Who wants kids when you'll be 60 before they go to school? That's another relatively simple ambition I never made, although still can with the right circumstances. So I started with a few big ones, some with lasting effects, plus my meditation course in 1997 so I now have the best (so they say) means to improve my being if I keep doing it. Well that would need to disconnect the internet as it used to follow the TV schedules but internet has none so hard to disconnect for an hour a week, let alone a day. If it had done more for me of course it would be different.
I know the more you want the less the chances of getting it but it's free to ask. So two councils, one newspaper and assorted others I've forgotten about are given ridiculous requests, the sort I'd have been embarrassed to answer when I was in the shop, although if people asked to borrow stuff for charity the owner usually accepted, (I think one complete badminton set was never returned but I digress), and each person thinks how they will say no without me trying to change their mind. Nothing I request is actually unreasonable, often just to return things to how they used to be. If they were like that for 50-100 years before now, then it isn't that incredible to ask to preserve a little of the past as time moves on? Don't replace everything, always keep a sample of what was lost. That's most of many of my campaigns and did get a railway journey to use the old tickets in 1999, 11 years after withdrawal, and I have a pack of the spares in my collection.
But so far although the projects are creeping ahead at last some I could have even avoided had I acted when I had the chance. See an old sign all your life and you never expect it to go. I took photos all around two of them, even the back of one. And the third I passed in the car, I wasn't driving, saw it suddenly, didn't ask to stop (I usually have the camera with me) and didn't write down where it was. When I went back to the likely spot it looked the same a few weeks later without it. That is one enquiry I'm waiting to hear about and even if they know if it has gone then I will only have no more need to look around.
The days ahead have a few little plans, an apparently known sign trip tomorrow on the M3, a call to someone who told me about a required red triangle sign but couldn't find it when I looked, waiting for a photo of a direction sign from a video I made, and that's about it. Now if I can gossip about anyone or anything next time without getting myself into any trouble I will, but the amount of sharp eyes and ears out there ready to get you digitally (as in technology, not with a finger) castrated is amazing. I was told anyone can read our emails if they know how and whatever I say online can get back to the target very easily as well. And not even with any names mentioned. There are some sick puppies out there who think it's so important to get anyone into trouble for talking about their lives instead of getting on with their own and talking about them as well. It's what we do, share. If they have to repress freedom of speech even online now by reporting what we say back to the subjects it is a sad day for humanity.
I hope any of the sods responsible read this as well as my emails, as I mean you. I will continue to write and say what I want about who I want as unless it's a lie it is legal to. If people don't like it they should write rude stuff about me and not try and get me into trouble instead. It gets no one anywhere when they do, and has no benefits for those who engineered it. All that happens is somewhere lost a good member of staff and they now have little useful to do on the internet. Good result? I think not. Pathetic.
Monday, October 15, 2007
The present of blogging
I am a bit disappointed so far, I've read many new blogs through the links and found only a couple the least bit similar to my own. Besides everyone on Funtrivia, which seems to be the only place I know with similar people to me, I seem to be one of a small bunch. And despite having many similar interests I click on a blog supposedly belonging to someone spiritual to hear about chatspeak connections with men, fashion, religious nuts, babies (feh! keep baby stories to your personal friends, for god's sake!) and all the crap I stay away from by not looking at most blogs. But apparently even therapists, hippies and other people who should know better prefer to think about the same dross as 90% of the rest of the world that owns a computer (I think the rest are just struggling to survive in the third world) despite their apparent higher interests.
The therapists and others who just use their blogs to advertise are sad. People read blogs for information about you, not to buy a service. Besides the numerous product and music reviews which are just written by enthusiasts, you can get so many free sites why then use a blog just to sell yourself? And does it work? I doubt it somehow. I may become repetitive and boring as I just reflect those aspects of life and most of mine has been for some time. But it changes and I hope I present it in better ways than the ones who all sound like 13 year olds whatever age they actually get to.
Even some of the old linked blogs had people changing from general life to one subject which however interesting it may be only appeals to a few readers and really would be better either to mix it up or start a second blog for it as many have done. I can criticise as I have to read them and have really gone off many for those reasons. I used to read more than I wrote and now I barely do as the few decent bloggers seem to use themselves up very quickly and stop. I mean you either like blogging or not, how long does it take from your life? I'd rather here about people's trips to work, who they saw and what they think of Shirley Williams (old Alexei Sayle reference there) than see them give up or switch to single topics. I used to be far more to the supernatural and philosophy, but believe there is little left on philosophy and only report the supernatural when I learn any new. People say I've learned a lot and believe I have, and am even teaching a few as a result, so despite suffering in order to learn most of it (if you are left in a prison cell you may become very insightful, but what a price to pay) at least the growth was not just in my imagination.
I am hoping for changes in my own life in the future. Usually when things can go either way the most important go against me, and when anything appears to have potential it is an anticlimax. For a change I'd like even one new development to develop rather than pretend to exist only to vanish again. If you've read enough here you'll know some of the starts that were made that never made it past chapter one. Other people appear to have their fair share of success so I don't believe I'm exaggerating the chances compared to my results, but I seem to have done a lot worse than most if you add up what I have beyond the fulfillment of needs. And besides most people working a damn sight harder than I do to fulfil them, outside the third world there is nothing unusual about managing that. Wanting more is not a crime or unreasonable. But all this appears out of my hands.
The therapists and others who just use their blogs to advertise are sad. People read blogs for information about you, not to buy a service. Besides the numerous product and music reviews which are just written by enthusiasts, you can get so many free sites why then use a blog just to sell yourself? And does it work? I doubt it somehow. I may become repetitive and boring as I just reflect those aspects of life and most of mine has been for some time. But it changes and I hope I present it in better ways than the ones who all sound like 13 year olds whatever age they actually get to.
Even some of the old linked blogs had people changing from general life to one subject which however interesting it may be only appeals to a few readers and really would be better either to mix it up or start a second blog for it as many have done. I can criticise as I have to read them and have really gone off many for those reasons. I used to read more than I wrote and now I barely do as the few decent bloggers seem to use themselves up very quickly and stop. I mean you either like blogging or not, how long does it take from your life? I'd rather here about people's trips to work, who they saw and what they think of Shirley Williams (old Alexei Sayle reference there) than see them give up or switch to single topics. I used to be far more to the supernatural and philosophy, but believe there is little left on philosophy and only report the supernatural when I learn any new. People say I've learned a lot and believe I have, and am even teaching a few as a result, so despite suffering in order to learn most of it (if you are left in a prison cell you may become very insightful, but what a price to pay) at least the growth was not just in my imagination.
I am hoping for changes in my own life in the future. Usually when things can go either way the most important go against me, and when anything appears to have potential it is an anticlimax. For a change I'd like even one new development to develop rather than pretend to exist only to vanish again. If you've read enough here you'll know some of the starts that were made that never made it past chapter one. Other people appear to have their fair share of success so I don't believe I'm exaggerating the chances compared to my results, but I seem to have done a lot worse than most if you add up what I have beyond the fulfillment of needs. And besides most people working a damn sight harder than I do to fulfil them, outside the third world there is nothing unusual about managing that. Wanting more is not a crime or unreasonable. But all this appears out of my hands.
Saturday, December 23, 2006
Another week passes by
Fuck me... how long does it take to enter the new blogger? It's a Chinese puzzle and I had to right click the continue link and open it manually before I finally made it. Not in Beta mode? My arse- get those links working and hurry up about it!
So, being the first post on new blogger and starting with a rude word is typical as this week my floppy drive, ethernet card and new DVD burner (as well as my kettle) have all gone west and if any bug has got in the system to eat my hardware like a worm then I am not happy with it. The DVD was the reason the computer crashed as I tried each plug till that did it, and it's going in tomorrow for new parts. No accounts or saving anything else until then.
Otherwise a productive week, all my leaks repaired and lots of photos taken, little bits of shopping done and basically did all the jobs that needed doing for a change. Because of Christmas my glasses will be later than intended, it will be such a relief to see perfectly again though unless I'm driving or looking at Ceefax I barely notice at the moment.
I pass my blog site to the odd person and one by one the women I write about may well recognise themselves here. Now I only write nice things about them or not at all, one appears to have worked out I fancy the underwear off her but am too young (despite providing the potential of a man my age, if you get my drift). Another has it but I won't believe she's read it till she tells me (or comments in the box). Meanwhile my hits have slid to 7 a day recently, from the original 50. Of course the people who leave are the ones I want to say why and they aren't reading this to know. If I changed the system and commented more again it may get the odd visitor but they are rarely regulars. Now I am interested in following my progress to see if I ever make it in a number of areas:
Women, fame, not living alone, getting a new/old friend, peace of mind etc etc., and though these things have come and gone over the years I've been hoping to reclaim them all since they went some time ago, except fame which, like business, I am far more in control of than the personal stuff and haven't yet experienced. But of all of that ,list I'm closer to it than the others as it involves a clear step by step process and I am on the first one of a few. If a Channel 4 programme is made next year I should be in it and jump at least one more. I'm on Discovery Channel again around February though no exact date yet. I hope I'll be on closer to 10 minutes than the few in my debut but any exposure will help.
A book I read last week says only when we realise no one will rescue us do things start to improve. Now there only needs to be one person to start that process and one may be reading this now.
Plans? Get the computer fixed, get my new glasses (-3.75 in one eye already), save the accounts when the computer's working, finish tidying the house, wait for the next two women I know to contact me to see them, find out my TV showing, and get more visitors here somehow. At least I'm aiming for things that are realistic...
So, being the first post on new blogger and starting with a rude word is typical as this week my floppy drive, ethernet card and new DVD burner (as well as my kettle) have all gone west and if any bug has got in the system to eat my hardware like a worm then I am not happy with it. The DVD was the reason the computer crashed as I tried each plug till that did it, and it's going in tomorrow for new parts. No accounts or saving anything else until then.
Otherwise a productive week, all my leaks repaired and lots of photos taken, little bits of shopping done and basically did all the jobs that needed doing for a change. Because of Christmas my glasses will be later than intended, it will be such a relief to see perfectly again though unless I'm driving or looking at Ceefax I barely notice at the moment.
I pass my blog site to the odd person and one by one the women I write about may well recognise themselves here. Now I only write nice things about them or not at all, one appears to have worked out I fancy the underwear off her but am too young (despite providing the potential of a man my age, if you get my drift). Another has it but I won't believe she's read it till she tells me (or comments in the box). Meanwhile my hits have slid to 7 a day recently, from the original 50. Of course the people who leave are the ones I want to say why and they aren't reading this to know. If I changed the system and commented more again it may get the odd visitor but they are rarely regulars. Now I am interested in following my progress to see if I ever make it in a number of areas:
Women, fame, not living alone, getting a new/old friend, peace of mind etc etc., and though these things have come and gone over the years I've been hoping to reclaim them all since they went some time ago, except fame which, like business, I am far more in control of than the personal stuff and haven't yet experienced. But of all of that ,list I'm closer to it than the others as it involves a clear step by step process and I am on the first one of a few. If a Channel 4 programme is made next year I should be in it and jump at least one more. I'm on Discovery Channel again around February though no exact date yet. I hope I'll be on closer to 10 minutes than the few in my debut but any exposure will help.
A book I read last week says only when we realise no one will rescue us do things start to improve. Now there only needs to be one person to start that process and one may be reading this now.
Plans? Get the computer fixed, get my new glasses (-3.75 in one eye already), save the accounts when the computer's working, finish tidying the house, wait for the next two women I know to contact me to see them, find out my TV showing, and get more visitors here somehow. At least I'm aiming for things that are realistic...
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