Yes, it is dull

The latest (and only) comment said a tad dull. Well, that is the empathy I have created, as it reflected exactly what I was conveying at the time. Now at sea we all want a storm to end (been there, for 4 days to be precise) but if in a sailing ship it's not a lot better to be becalmed. No storm or discomfort, but not going anywhere or doing anything. So although all the shit and business activity has subsided there's little in its place. I have the new photo memory to allow more variety (although the video has been playing up since I added it and lost two as a result) but that can't keep me busy for that long.

The best way to relieve the dullness here is not to report what I'm doing here, and as I've used up every variation of nursery poop-words and the stories from the past are not worth repeating or relevant, and there is no more philosophy, but make it up. That's fiction and not what blogs are for (like I wrote in my diary everything I wanted to do but didn't) so I can't do that either. To mirror my grandma I will have to go over the last week and you'll just have to take it like a man/woman/entity from other dimension.

My glasses arrived on Tuesday which I think I already mentioned, they didn't fit quite right and my attempts to stop them tilting have been partially successful. I've taken photos in Hampstead Garden Suburb, and views from Sunnyhill Park in Hendon and Barn Hill in Wembley although even on full pixels are not that clear. The final hurdle for digital photography is they compress data ie leave it out. I can't see any way round this. I also discovered only a few small bike shops sell tyre valves so can't use the bike yet until I do find one where I can also park. I created my 6th photo album, a softback one for the first time which will arrive in a few days. The list of phone calls is growing, some are never in and others are too much effort to make. Destined to failure in many cases I suspect. Meanwhile I seem to have put off the person from Big Brother from seeing me, either as I turned down his invitations or he didn't like mine. You can only compromise in life and if you want to see someone should be patient enough to wait for something you can both do. Does everyone know this?

No plans left, not that that means a lot, except the indoor work, my next article and then more paintings I won't be able to sell. But at least it'll mop up some time. All the latest videos I've watched showing how to have various psychic powers and become enlightened seem to have had no effect, although I know as I've done it before I should be able to see auras again somehow. But the psychokinesis which seems so easy in the film is yet to happen. I can't see anything ahead but that never meant it couldn't happen. Rarely does but not impossible.

Another few days

Pugh, Pugh, Barney McGrew, Cuthbert, Dibble Grubb. Inigo Pipkin, it's Inigo Pipkin, Inigo the puppet maker. On and on I go, covering the first 15 years of my life as that was the best. Then it got more and more difficult. Exams, work, I stopped growing. All that. Then my mother left home. Then I left home. Nothing's changed since then, hence my preferred return to the early 70s and before.

A few things have actually progressed this week, as well as getting my TV clip online there's a trailer for the next one (did I mention it already??) meaning it should happen. I had a good abductee session on Thursday (my unpaid job) and apparently connected to an alien myself. From little spots on obscure TV stations to being recognised in public may follow. Before they were famous clips always involve people already on TV, basically once you've been used you can equally become famous with anyone else. The accounts got every waking moment between clients and taking photos and I still can't produce a thing they actually want. I can't do any more than my best and if they don't tell me what I must do then I can't do it and just waste days of my time.

Bloody wore me out as well. At least I took one lot of photos with someone else again yesterday, makes all the difference. No sex or anything like it but it's an improvement. Unlike my blog hits. Even though there are more active bloggers than ever and the links are back only a couple of new people have found their way here. The counter is still as low as before and I haven't had time to read any since the accounts demand arrived on Tuesday. If the company goes bust and I don't get paid they'll be the last accounts I ever do. Thank god I'm not expected to be a fake surgeon instead of a fake accountant, at least no one can get physically injured, only financially, as I am employed to 'save money' but my lack of ability means it costs more in the end and I'm not surprised.

I suspect (as it hasn't been my experience for more than periods of a day or so) if I was part of a household again we'd share such burdens and life would be 3 dimensional again. And having someone else around takes my mind off the empty thoughts when on my own for days in a row. Terry Waite had his freedom taken away in ways we can all understand but having to live alone is the nearest thing without actually being in prison, and can make the sanest people lose it after long enough.
Well, let's see what the other bloggers have to say, there really are a lot of mentals out there now, I won't leave messages as they seem quite wrapped up in their own worlds and probably wouldn't even understand a normal comment compared to the weirdness they write. From spiritual philosophy to a diary of very little and complaints which repeat as regularly as my grandma's I can see the appeal of reading these entries going, but I see little or no spirituality in life having looked, and have reached reporting my days as they arrive with a few toilet words added for the salt and pepper. Izal, Bronco, Portaloo, Understains, Enemas, Fellatio, There's a pubic hair in my soup and Don't spit in the subway. I rest my case and my sanity.

Imagination

I have recently read something that corresponded with my own experience. It's actually better to daydream and live in your imagination as it makes you feel good and overrides much of real life. It may be pointless apparently but as well as making you feel better this book even said it makes things happen which are good as well. A total leap of faith but also made sense of mysterious elements of my life as well.

So I am allowing something I stopped long ago, imagining good things as a form of treatment. For no other reason. Now if life starts improving as well I'll have learnt something totally mindblowing and if happens should have far less in life to bother me again. It would of course mean we live either in a dream or a paradise and all known science can go down the drain but stranger things have happened. My reality is little different from normal, less to worry about I suppose but nothing good that actually helps me. Not really. I realised physical methods of escape simply didn't exist so the inner way is all that's left and one I'd need to learn gradually as is pretty foreign to me and hard to remember how, let alone do it. If I get little signs on the way I'm getting it right it won't be long before I know if it does.

The week ahead: One appointment tomorrow, one arrangement Wednesday and Thursday neither of which I'd have chosen and that's my diary. A couple of other things to do at my leisure and that's it so far. No accounts at least. One test is I should imagine a comment or two here tomorrow. A real challenge. Only like learning to control lucid dreams (which usually has little effect) but told are acting with the outer forces which we aren't able to be aware of. At least I have nothing to lose and it gives me something interesting to do for a while at worst. The theory has been around the general public such a short time I've never seen any feedback to see if it worked for anyone but that'll arrive sooner or later.

Well, that's the known about the week ahead. Maybe the rest of my life but even I can't waste effort looking that far ahead for long. I was also told my 3rd TV programme would be online this month, I'm waiting...

A bit boring.

The week has echoed the last few in a way, but as I was both working and taking photos it's not so bad. I've picked about 70 pictures (a few taken today) for my local album for the gallery and have to dig the old stuff from various CDs which is not the easiest way to do it. Then 2 hours to upload (note to anoraks, professional webmasters pay a lot for sdsl which uploads as fast as it downloads). I have to click them all and disappear to load them into the album when I come back. Then pay for two albums, one free sample (call it advertising budget) and one for me. But if I can't piss away a few pounds for fun and my career at my age it'll mean I'm totally potless and it's not quite that bad.

Otherwise women have come and gone (one admittedly with my help, not quite up to par) but it does at least prove to all the cynics I do keep meeting them even though there may be gaps of over a year. I'd like to carry on but there's a video I should watch sooner or later and if I start now it won't hang about like a bad smell. The accounts are finally done and will be submitted tomorrow assuming it's not possible to get the last data I need. But all the problems were sorted out last night after a week so it shows even if they mean little to me when printed I seem to have learnt how to prepare them with a bit of tuition. Tomorrow was down for gardening with photos first but the rain is back and may last for the next 4 months at this rate. But it's not cold and that's the main thing, I do feel it nowadays.

Any other news will have to wait, if there was any, I've got too many things to do. Makes a change but only as it's so late.