Busy on the keyboard at least

Back again, but time and space dictate when I do this rather than actual events. I now have a little slide scanner I found locally looking online, and got all the holiday photos up I've got so far, and have a huge box of others apparently not relevant to go through when I get round to it. This is me when I was 9 in Scotland



Well I beat the system and HTMLed it myself. Uploading is meant to be easier but clearly no longer.

I also spent an hour filming arseholes driving with mobile phones today, I'd done it once with the still camera with many results, although stopped when I was chased to behind the pub. I worked with a long zoom this time and tried to keep just out of their vision. I got 8 clear offendors as well as a few who I couldn't get in time and one where the camera didn't go on, which was the best one as he was stuck trying to get out of the bus lane. But eight clear offendors, mostly with number plates may send a message, and the company who owned the brand new van being driven by the turd on the phone risking their 5 figure property may get wind of it, OC Building in Harlesden. There was a motorway maintenance lorry pulling an excavator also on the phone who went past too quickly to take as well. It is pretty shaky in parts but can see what they're up to and pause if you want a better look.

I am on another non-date tomorrow after being railroaded to another pub, although with notice managed to call the shots on which one this time. This is what I've come down to, and impossible to turn down without a real girlfriend to eliminate any others who aren't actually up for it. I don't think my pictures will be in the paper this week as haven't heard anything for tomorrow, and if not next week will have to send my message 'upstairs' to see if I can fix it. No one wants to do a job and then see it wasted, paid or not.

Beyond is a mystery, I've done plenty of stuff this week though including the slide scanner, getting my food and riding the bike all over now the sun's come out. There's no need to worry about old signs, although a classic turned up in the slides albeit half covered by a balloon. It's not in my personal collection despite knowing it well as I can't be sure I was actually there when it was taken (I probably was as he wouldn't have gone to Hampstead Fair without me). I'd have settled for a clear shot but you can read where each place is from the second half off them at least. If I can be calm and relaxed tomorrow knowing I've got to go out later I'll be amazed and very happy, who knows what could happen. I'll need the horse pills at least at the time but would like to manage beforehand as well. That's the equal part of phobias for anyone who doesn't have them. I've tried many things but a miracle would seem the only remedy to me at the moment.

Back to normality

I can now update yesterday's photo shoot. The original arrangement was a book launch for charity (I have a few photos in it) in a restaurant following a cooking demonstration. No way Jose. I was asked to do the photos so simply explained the claustrophobia (that's agoraphobia when you're stuck indoors) and said photos yes, meal no. I wasn't there to socialise but do a job, and that is what I did. Apart from taking photos two summers running on a music holiday I've never done official photography for anyone else before, so a career first. They came out well, there were no celebrities there despite it being a celebrity recipe book, but otherwise did the job I wanted to and only took just over half an hour. If I'm lucky they'll also make the paper as well.

So I've managed something else, life is back to normal and I have another sign to search for at the weekend if it has survived another 18 years since being found. I am now wearing photochromic glasses with the reading bit in which I just collected, and can see very well with them, and actually read better than the usual ones, which is a relief as I only got the new reading bit in May and already seemed a bit too weak. I went along the shops and finally got myself a salt beef sandwich after waiting probably years, which was just as it should be. I also saw a twat in front of me on the roundabout on a mobile, and as always took a photo for the gallery of shame. Except this time the flash went off, and he blocked my way and interrogated me why I did it. I just said he was the guilty one as he'd committed an offence and buggered off sharpish.

I may soon go into retirement on that one, it's becoming too dangerous. He got off the phone straight away though and maybe won't even do it again as he thinks I may be official.

Blogger has decided to shift all photos to the top so rather than try and fix it (see previous entry with photos) I'll just have to leave it as it is. The cooking demo is shown above, and then took random and posed photos of the guests. I haven't heard anything yet from the organiser but hope he's as happy with them as I am.

A little improvement

It has been a strange week, even for me. Besides one booking I've been free and for some reason I was given the thought all my problems should be over very soon. Having watched teachings on such things and had accurate messages on lesser things then I took this fairly seriously, and may pick up things around me if important enough. So I thought of the sort of things that would do this, most are possible but none likely, and then thought which ones would be enough to have a lasting effect rather than like charging a battery for a short time. Normally if nothing happened I'd have forgotten about it, but as this seemed like the sort of dreams which stand out as special I'm not letting this one go.

In reality I've used the time well, I took some very nice views of Harrow on the Hill, done plenty of shopping and took a video in Finchley after more clearing of ex-grandma's house. It's all gone quite smoothly, more than usual in fact, although nothing itself has happened. I did however enlarge a photo where I thought I'd seen the old roundabout sign last year and saw the apparent pole was a space in the trees, implying I'd got the location wrong as there are a number of photos nearby online and would be amazed if a sign was there and none had caught it. That leaves the possibility it was somewhere else. Before Streetview I drove every road looking, and covered each dual carriageway with a roundabout where I may have been. Nothing. But the fact it was there pre-1963 it could still be there a year after I saw it, but have a total mental block if not Tolworth. So I've been researching and asked many people in the area online by email in case they know it, it's not like my one on a suburban block, but on a 6 lane major road. I will see.


Being on winter time now my days are different, and as it got dark soon after working didn't need to go out, and after wasting the rest of the day trying to find a TV series online I missed when last repeated have now run out of material. I've concluded my search for other signs as covered the whole lot of likely places and many unlikely, only a red triangle would complete the set if it comes. The further out ones can stay there and wouldn't have taken many back when they were normal so why do it now? Any I do are a bonus but Kent (old and new) is less accessible to me than Birmingham 120 miles away. My faith is being tested like most great sages in history. Meanwhile I've been watching total nonsense on TV, like 'How racist are you' (ans, who cares?), and the usual nauseating stream of carbon footprints as usual. But the BBC are slipping as they let a disbeliever speak on the radio news despite his performance being worse than useless as he's patented his knowledge so unless he shares it will remain useless.

Optimism is normally outside my scope, but besides the pointless hope for its own sake, which is no better than fearing the worst as neither are real, when you appear to be inspired by a greater force then unless there isn't one you shouldn't drop it if nothing seems to be happening. This force has demonstrated itself to me enough to accept it, and have also learnt besides passing exams the normal ways to success are indirect, ie you can't make them happen deliberately. This week has already been a breakthrough as once I'd found the BBC announcement they had stopped reporting anti global warming data the 10 year old government documents creating a multicultural Britain in secret were released by accident, and then Piers Corbyn got his Climate Fools Day interview on the BBC news. Things have freed up, and you can't put that lot back in the box proving we've been shat on and lied to by those I said were doing it from day one. If they've been caught with their hands in the till a few times then what about all the rest we haven't found yet? I'm also waiting for the new film 'Not evil, just wrong' to counter 'An Incovenient Truth' to be released, and hope to goodness it's in cinemas and not just the one showing two weeks ago online. That won't teach the kids if it's all we're going to see of it.

I've been.

For a change I've been busy this week (well, last week now). First private tuition job for 10 years, birthday party with live band and other things too trivial to mention but included getting a matching red mouse for the laptop I'm using now. I'm free now and besides a few little arrangements ahead am down to my own devices.

Within 3 weeks the wait to know about my newspaper article will be over, it'll be in or out and that's it, no way round the result whichever way it goes. Mind you, the last disappointment when I was told I'd be on Sky One on a certain date, then it wouldn't actually be Sky One but mobile phones (give me strength...) and then not even completed I felt that would be my last shot at the bigger time (ie getting a million TV viewers). Then I was filmed for US TV although I have no idea how many people watched it (the figures aren't shared like they are here in public) it won't make me known this side of the Atlantic. Then the newspaper interview. Admittedly these are even rarer than TV appearances but just because they may never use it doesn't mean the last career chance ever.

I have a little project finally set up now which could make the global warming story fade into the background. My long search for alternative energy appears over with a long overlooked method of generating power, and have found places to distribute this information. I suspect hardly anyone in authority knows about this technology and no checks I've made have failed to demonstrate its successful applications. The plans already exist and no more work would be needed to build a prototype and see it work worldwide.

Otherwise it's a free week ahead, photos in such wonderful places as Shepherds Bush, Ladbroke Grove (if not in the charging zone) and Maida Vale. Mainly for postcode and station pictures and I'm bound to get some good random people in the crowds. The last time I took the camera to Shepherds Bush was in 2002 to get Routemaster buses before they were withdrawn, and went from Willesden Garage to Notting Hill, I don't think there was much doing when I actually got to the Bush itself. And then Cockfosters. Someone has to.
I can't honestly see a lot happening in the way of actual excitement besides a possible meeting in the near or middle future, I've virtually written the article off now after such a long wait and will just keep on with the photos and pictures and see if I can sell any more. And with enough evidence collected that global warming is now over and has been for years waiting for that news to reach the mugs who believe the crooks that tell them it exists, or may do after they've died. Many people believe the kingdom of heaven awaits them when they die and spend their whole lives preparing for it while they miss the present. My present has more holes than cheese much of the time but I'm putting all my chips on life not death thank you. You know it makes sense.

Plans continue

I didn't want anyone to think I'd dropped off or anything, and I have actually been busier doing things than writing, plus half my activities haven't been completed yet so only one to report. That was my 3rd speaking TV part, on Women's Entertainment TV, a cable channel across the US, and hopefully I'll get a DVD soon so I can see it. That was on Saturday.
I am also awaiting a date for a newspaper appearance, more on that when it comes. That kept me busy for a day or so anyhow.

Otherwise it's business as per, another possible woman on the system, again more when it happens there, the other one should be seen next week as well. No work this week, I mopped up two videos so far on the new camera and plenty of photos, and tomorrow haven't a clue as although it's nice to be free there's only so much to do when there's no one else around. I'll have to wait and see. Of course the main thing is to get a newspaper date so in quiet moments is hard not to worry about that.
So quite a lot has happened but only a little reached me. Another album is due in a day or two, and I have followed up the IQ situation a lot further as well. It seems if I can provide evidence Mensa will consider it (did I tell them I was 11 though? that could make a difference). I traced my psychologist to heaven (should it exist) as she was an alter cacker back then so no surprise she is long gone. That is basically an end to my chance of getting her records, and my mum has mislaid the file with the correspondence we did have in 1971 although we doubt it had an IQ result. I expect I'll have to take it again either way and not hopeful of my ability any more. The media exposure is more important but both would be nice of course, why either/or?

Well, tomorrow is another day, the week has been productive so far but the ideas are running out. There's plenty of crap to do at home but I'd like something to do out when it's light as well. I've videoed NW11, NW2, NW3 and N2 now and that presumably means N6 next. That's covered that although I was there last week after an NW11 trip. As I can't do multiple Youtube clips as it needs a mains plug to do it I am taking a 3-4 minute video and then any photos in the same direction. Of course on VHS I kept filming while I had places to take but I don't know if I can make files any other way without possibly an expensive editing program. One I couldn't figure out probably either.
So I have to do one video even though I can get lots in a couple of hours, and at least it forces me to find other places for photos as well, Bounds Green today. Right, that's Thursday (or my next trip) taken care of. That fixes another day. It's nice when you don't have to rely on your own resources as well though.

Busy new year

It seems I must have actually been doing things this year more than having time to write about them. Now that makes a change. Few have been very life changing, if any. I have seen a number of friends, as many were off over the Christmas period, and heard from a very welcome one as well. There are a few plans on those fronts but can't report unless there's anything to report after the events.
My American TV series started on Saturday, I'll be on in 2 weeks but until I get a DVD can't actually see it. Meanwhile my own Big Brother connections are slowly growing after seeing someone I know arrive in the celebrity cock up version they started last week. Being well over twice their age (it's a school leaver's edition) I really can't relate to any of them as however similar any may have been to me at that age (which none are) I can't really enthuse about meeting anyone of that age, except for a shag of course.

Other activities have included the usual photos despite the light going by 3, and sorting out the video so the buildings are now the right shape. I've been working on the car the last two days, with the garage's help, and a bit more booked for next week. After clearing the clothes cupboard for the first time since it was built in 1999 I still didn't find my decent trousers but did find some other long lost items.

This week the plans are slowly building up, work and things tomorrow so won't be out, possible visitor the next day and then I'm not sure, but if free am going to Dudden Hill to take photos since seeing a picture of it and finding something worth looking at there. Due to finding the 'Things to like about West Hampstead' group I decided to search around the roads there and did find a few very interesting ones plus some over the line in Cricklewood. And yes, I've taken a few people with me to take photos now so not the solitary pursuit it usually was. You can't tell by looking of course but once or twice they've taken a photo of me to spot the fact.

If I can add to this picture of suburban life with any more exciting news I will be only too pleased. I have many starts but not enough finishes, and of course the more major the plan the less likely the finish. I have a few on the go at the moment as I said, but always prefer to reveal the rare finishes than the hundreds of starts. That's normal but what isn't are the few finishes I've had outside the academic area and buying my house. Others mean looking back to my childhood period. No wonder I'm so stuck in nostalgia much of the time.

Nothing special really

I have lacked a bit of blogging inspiration recently, and though the hits seem to have stabilised daily I've had no comments for a while. Maybe I'm not being contraversial enough. The glasses arrived today, seem ok except the right eye doesn't seem to read very well on its own, but can't tell unless you cover the other one. I'll check the other pair as it could even be the reading bit has got worse already, god forbid (more money and hassle, no thanks). It was dark by 2 when the rain clouds covered the sky all day so no photos, but the new memory card I just got was the same price but 8 times bigger, so no more limits for quality or quantity now. I've done the local scenes in 2 years so will be doing high definition views and longer videos now. I hope to do one tomorrow but the weather needs to be OK. Then the indoor plans begin.

A new article followed by more pictures not to sell but do look good on the wall if no one buys them. My little list of jobs is gone now, only housework type now and usual shopping. I wish I could find someone equally alone and bored with life to share with as there must be plenty of us out there. Those spat out by the world when others are married through no fault of their own deserve better. Besides that the TV programmes are getting closer, the Sky online is advertised for autumn but no clues yet, the other seem to be about to use me in their publicity so I hope I get to see it. Oh, and the woman who served me for the memory card was pretty much like some I come across in my dreams, and I just saw her first name is on the receipt. Maybe I should find a reason to go there again, despite her probably having the stereotype criminal boyfriend. They always seem to go for the rough types, the nicer the woman the more disgusting the boyfriend. It's rather a long way to travel but if I was getting a reward at the end of it I'll find a way.

I'm not getting to bed any earlier despite the Funtrivia quiz round ending an hour earlier (soon to end thank goodness) but am getting everything done regardless which is all that really matters. Meanwhile I wait and hope for a little more than lack of stress to arrive in my life, it is better to have none but pretty quiet and time something good happened. Why should I miss out for so long?

More pony and trap

One question that's occurred to me recently is how would other people react in my exact position? It's so easy to throw stones from outside when it's not your problem but being in a situation virtually impossible to alter by any means is going to get to everyone somehow as being in the crap is the same whoever's in it. That's a question up for discussion, I can add no more than present it, but these pages reflect that position.

Today for instance. Complete neutral. A free day from beginning to end and not an idea or person to fill it. I also know why some people go on about mundane details of their life like what washing they did or food they made. There's nothing else. Today was like that and I'm on my way to sounding like I have Alzheimer's at this rate. Have I told you I did the sheets last week? I was going shopping but I went to the park instead. That I do remember. And I got as far as Blackbird Cross and took pictures in the churchyard and found a few very nice paths there I'd never discovered before, tucked in between gravestones and chapels of rest. Here's one example:

If my websites represented the rest of my life I'd have a small empire of products by now. It's so easy to sit here and add to every aspect of my 7 or so personal sites and other forums around, and thank goodness all is read by a few or many people and appreciated by many as they say so (not here any more but they do). As unproductive I am in the real world is how I've transferred my productivity to websites. And I call the radio. All about creativity and exposure. I'm not a celebrity of any sort yet, but working on it. And I know it'll happen as my network of branches grows continually and one more, probably the biggest, is due in a few weeks. Meanwhile I am still obliged to fill the empty time as best I can, and I also mowed the front lawn later today, so people don't walk past and think that's where the plebs must live, for a few weeks anyway. Like having a haircut. And believe me, if I'm suffering from depression at any time at the moment it's for a very good reason. I feared being left alone for half my life and then it happened. As more and more situations happen each would be better when with someone else with you, and I don't. So I talk to my blog, the cat, the phone and radio presenters. But I can't see any and still wonder if anyone else is in the same position or actually cares?

Did it happen?

Well, despite being predicted I did more or less word for word what I expected but it was fine. The rain forced me not only to tidy my desk and papers but finally find my appliance instructions mislaid when the old kitchen was ripped out. Then I went to mum for dinner but took my camera and got some nice pictures on the way. As it was passover we watched the old family videos (now 18 years old) as we didn't have a camera and friends took a few special occasions for us. Seeing half the people who are no longer alive showed they may be dead but they're not gone, it was just like they were real.

Tomorrow is free so far, planned to either go to Ealing or Stanmore for photos and football on TV later, with as many other little jobs as I can. No urgency for any but want to use the chance to go out. Once my health settles down life returns to near normal, and the less stress the more it does. If I had a few people around me as well it could almost be like it was years ago. Then my problems were exam related and however good life was I always had courses to take, fail and worry about. The last proper one was 2001 believe it or not, which took the same route but passed all but one (plus O level maths which I never resat) altogether. Back then the only gap was when I didn't have a girlfriend, and that was erratic and had its moments. They did come and go a lot faster and easier till I reached 30 and then it dried up. Everyone else was married and I was left over like the guy with a limp at the marathon dragging along at the back. Except even they get there eventually and have a specific route.

Looking back, my most important requirement was always freedom. That is fine as far as it goes but didn't factor in other people. Whether I'd ever choose people over freedom I'm not sure. If I could arrange it as having a family at home and job outside I probably would now. I discovered at 16 freedom was crap when alone, as I left school and had 9 months free while my friends were still at school as I took my exams early. I worked, went abroad and mainly hung around lost, but still hate having to do things I don't like and prefer to do what I please. Not even unrealistic as since I lost my last real job that's been more or less as it is. Like being either retired or very rich and no need to work. If you're not alone I'd recommend it to anybody as I have never actually wasted my time. Years of helping my widowed grandma and then mother (second husband that is) wouldn't have been possible, no other children or grandchildren besides me, and it gave me the chance to write, paint and take photos. And one morning in 1998 when I had a girlfriend staying here as a trial marriage (total disaster) I woke up with nothing to do one morning and ended up in Belgium. That is freedom. Not planned, just something I realised I had time to do, though we aimed for Boulogne but passed Ashford and popped into the Eurostar stop to see if we could get to Brussels, and the train was due in 30 minutes. A bit of luck and a bit of judgement, but only possible due to freedom.

Nowadays I get up too late but still wander around locally, mainly with the camera. Almost always alone now, which takes much of the edge off it, but besides my 100 mile plus trips usually were. Well tomorrow's almost another day, as technically it already is. More than that I don't know.

A bit boring.

The week has echoed the last few in a way, but as I was both working and taking photos it's not so bad. I've picked about 70 pictures (a few taken today) for my local album for the gallery and have to dig the old stuff from various CDs which is not the easiest way to do it. Then 2 hours to upload (note to anoraks, professional webmasters pay a lot for sdsl which uploads as fast as it downloads). I have to click them all and disappear to load them into the album when I come back. Then pay for two albums, one free sample (call it advertising budget) and one for me. But if I can't piss away a few pounds for fun and my career at my age it'll mean I'm totally potless and it's not quite that bad.

Otherwise women have come and gone (one admittedly with my help, not quite up to par) but it does at least prove to all the cynics I do keep meeting them even though there may be gaps of over a year. I'd like to carry on but there's a video I should watch sooner or later and if I start now it won't hang about like a bad smell. The accounts are finally done and will be submitted tomorrow assuming it's not possible to get the last data I need. But all the problems were sorted out last night after a week so it shows even if they mean little to me when printed I seem to have learnt how to prepare them with a bit of tuition. Tomorrow was down for gardening with photos first but the rain is back and may last for the next 4 months at this rate. But it's not cold and that's the main thing, I do feel it nowadays.

Any other news will have to wait, if there was any, I've got too many things to do. Makes a change but only as it's so late.

Thursday's review

Honestly, until I started blogging I never swore in 'libel' (ie permanent form) and very rarely in slander (temporary). Yes, I'm legally trained. Now it's a dreadful habit but presume it somehow adds a dimension to my writing compared to the unrestricted use made by the chavs on Big Brother.
Anyway, I've been pretty busy this week, half planned and half forced. My ear is undergoing its second course of drops for the supposed infection and is a bloody nuisance. I have no idea how long these things take to clear up and the immune system seems pretty inadequate to cope with what are probably the commonest germs to enter the body.

Besides that I am waiting for my second photo album to arrive. Only one error this time, and egged on by a 15% discount for ordering that day had little time to piss around searching further. I copied a missing one from flickr which restricts the size, and I wanted this to be full page. Expecting it to be on the laptop, not accessible for a week, I gave up and printed it small, and then realised although it never made it to my computer it was still on the camera. So I could have done it full size but if that's the worst ricket I made I can live with it.
The Funtrivia challenge ended and I was up at 93/100, from over 42,000 players, though many didn't play enough quizzes to get very far. My total was 1770 when the scores were locked, compared to about 2400 for those who didn't miss any. I am pretty happy as it was the first time I played right through and my average was nearly 100 (a whole question from 15) higher than last go as well.

I've worked Tuesday, taken a record number of photos on Wednesday and some of trains today. Too late to squeeze the best into the new album but you have to order it eventually and I intend to make one every time I have enough to do so, around 60 of the best. Nothing specific for tomorrow besides still trying to get brake blocks for my 53 year old bike. If I go to Mill Hill I can take some more station photos after as there are three near there and I'm taking as many as I can for the group I'm in. I got Burnt Oak, Queensbury, North Ealing, Hanger Lane and Preston Road in the last week as well as a different entrance to Highgate. Next should be Mill Hill East, Finchley Central and West Finchley. Not that other people haven't already takne many of them but no two are the same. Considering on Monday I had not a clue what I'd do all week I've done pretty well, but of course can't guarantee a thing beyond now.

That is around it for now, I expect to finally do the housework once I run out of places to go, none is that demanding and will be good to get out of the way. And I no longer expect the news or the supernatural to suddenly improve my life any more. It just goes on and this really is all there is, take it or leave it. I doubt anyone's looked further and longer than me and I can only get on with it as it is as besides meditating there's no other way round it. If anyone every shows me an alternative I'll become enlightened on the spot. That little chance.

Big and small issues

I think the old cliche only the sane think they're going mad is true. Technically I may be one of the sanest people around, as whenever things go a bit wobbly I can see it happening as if happening to someone else, and tend to self correct as a result. I'm not insane, just sensitive and being allowed to spend my life alone every aspect is magnified many times so whatever stress is going on I see it hundreds of times larger. That could be sanity as people who travel to work in crowded public transport every day for years are apparently immune to the reality of their plight as I was once, as if protected by an invisible shield. Once that's gone you see it all in its full horror and react as a normal person would.

Anyway, things happening big and small since the last visit, my day to day planning is working so far, I went to Ealing today to combine my North Circular photo completion with some more stations. Another early start tomorrow (for me that is) though I can't force people to change their shifts to suit mine. Then a trip to Burnt Oak for the same reasons as today, not the typical area I take but I made a list of tube stations I hadn't taken and that is the closest and may have a rail view as well, though if anything else is worth taking there I'll be very surprised. I'm using my new red optical mouse now, these are the sort of little things that add an element to life, and someone I know finally joined Funtrivia over the weekend and as I expected is as hooked as I am. Only took me almost 7 years but then again not that many people I knew were online and had the time if they were, apparently.

The Funtrivia quiz league is messing with me at the moment as a few of us are competing for the top 100 in the final table, I reached 99 but keep being pushed back to 101 and can't relax on my laurels yet. Just about to do the next round and go to bed now, another little place to keep my interest going. I think (not that you can help it) the current theme for me is not to think too much. My mind tends to drift to the negative and create many scenarios that never happen except there but almost feel as if they are real. Real ones do as well but rarely as predicted. Leaves in the wind, apparently. And plenty of wind as well...

Back again

It's been the first week with no work I can remember for ages, not that I'm complaining. Financially I can take the odd quiet week, and I have a little routine now of planning the next day so I'm not left with a blank page at the time I struggle to fill with more than internet use. Three photo trips plus the one on Wednesday where the battery remained in its charger, but did get a few more bike miles out of it, and the hills are the same as a session in the gym. Other than them I have my little housework list, I have begun it but in a way the less I do it means the busier I am doing more interesting things. One visitor, and as far as I remember no shopping till later today when certain supplies need replenishing. I also completed a 3 month personal development course yesterday which gives some sense of achievement.

I just added a new blog to my links, check it out, it's a 'queer vegan socialist' (her desrciption) from Brooklyn, who, until discovering the queer element, had quite taken my attention. Not that that changes anything on my side of course. Anyway, I hope she's dropped in to have a look and if not a reminder will be sent. Politically I think anyone with such tendencies would beat me up after one meeting, but one friend who has such views (minus the diet) we agree to avoid the topic. I'm actually an anarchist hedonist, and few if any political parties agree with my views except the Buddhists. And only the laid back types. OK, I'm a hippy, and proud of it.

So little else ahead, the stupid bastards from Discovery channel have now failed to send me 2 videos, and the producer for the last programme ignored my last email simply asking for a schedule. It's meant to be released this month on the internet and if that's the only way anyone can see it besides Vodafone Live (I give it a year, anyone remember Hutchison Rabbit?) despite also being free to send me the video I suspect that won't occur either.
When and if I run out of local photos I wonder what the next occupation will be? Previously I spent many years travelling the country collecting train tickets, then model cars (very expensive), making local videos and then taking digital photos. There was always a new activity following the end of the last, and I'd also like sex to be involved in the next if possible.

Lyssa Royal Holt (of the eponymous website, 1000 dollar word dropped in there) has also passed over my email telling her a client of mine channels the same alien. Maybe she's jealous. Big fucking deal. If she doesn't want to be part of the larger project maybe her guide will leave her for better subjects. I certainly need a new input in my life, it is currently only as good as the present and previous day, with no hope for a thing ahead. Pure luck each time I have a good day or part of one. I have to tolerate every variation of stress and despite not having a job, which was assumed to be the greatest cause, there are as many others as stars in the sky, and my last job wasn't that bad most of the time and stopped people judging me as well. I don't care if people do anymore, but I'd feel a little more part of things if I had a job as well.
Well I didn't miss a trick today, the main job I needed to do was done and it has made me a little fitter as well. I am printing my photos as soon as I can get the last knockings of photos on the laptop, after emailing 3/4 of them here, and then selecting ones for album 2. Not a woman in sight though.

Freedom but for what?

A rare free week this week, and no guilt attached as last week I worked more than I have for a while. The challenge is how not to waste it. So far I've taken photos in East Finchley and today got some exercise on my bike going to Staples Corner only to find the camera battery was in the charger so I went back home. I had a long awaited visitor and then a small TV marathon. Wednesday down and two more days to go, with little thought of how they'll be filled. Of course I'll do the camera trip again with a battery, and maybe one in Wembley as well, although I also had my phone tutorial for my current personal development course and was told I'm doing very well.
I have shifted a few ideas, I no longer care about becoming enlightened (and was just told that's a requirement towards it...) and have more or less stopped my new philosophy as I've looked at enough from enough angles to get a picture and have little to add to that. No practical use except to let go and realise I have no power. By looking at ways to improve my life all I found was it can't be done and I just live each day as it is with no reference to beyond, which is how it should be. I used to believe marriage was the cure for most ills but since I have no experience of anything like it can't really imagine it any more to tell. My research has unearthed, as if offered directly, a possible alien connection as described, so telepathy has now extended beyond human sources. The woman I emailed, as well as the TV producer have both not replied, so as usual I continue to work alone. The weird thing is the aliens say to my subjects the only way they can contact me is if I'm regressed by a professional, and you know what, I don't know any. Especially the free sort. The fact I need data and by not charging people it is a lot easier to get it appears not to concern other researchers. Of course there are other hypnotists prepared to regress alien abductees but how many don't charge for it?

Things do grind to a halt and my current tutor on this course says the one thing we aren't supposed to have is guilt. Presumably reformed criminals must learn in other ways but I mustn't be guilty if I feel I've wasted valuable days as you can't make a silk purse out of a sows ear, and had I taken my photos would have more to show, but I had a good exercise if nothing more. And now I have to do it again. In a film or religious book I may be being prepared for something, and have to learn how to deal with all adversities before I qualify. That requires God to pull the strings and if not God himself people with comparable power. I also realised I no longer care about personal spiritual status, only to feel good in myself. No prizes or glory, just peace. That is the ego melting and although I still often feel like shit I am no longer carrying so many unhelpful concepts. These things must block progress and maybe when enough are cleared I'll see what's behind them all.

Meanwhile I may end up famous as the last blogger left in 2007, apart from my links it appears a dying occupation. Not while I have internet access it won't be.

Birthday

How anyone can get excited about reaching 47 is anyone's guess, but after 40 I see each year as a badge of survival. I have few if any plans now for the near or distant future, think what I'll do the day before and usually do it. Photos in Highgate tomorrow, if dry. The new sunglasses are great for that, photochromic and no reading part so I can drive and look in all directions without a blurry bit when I'm not reading anything.
An attention to the everyday minor details is something which gets me and many other people through life. Besides having a partner or being enlightened we only really have the little things 99% of the time and may as well make the most of them. I find people I know who go into detail make their life sound interesting, even if sometimes when I've shared it with them found it wasn't. Hull being the best example. However interesting you make it living in Hull can never be more than it is, deadly.

Besides all that I managed to find just over £5 worth of recent antiques for my birthday money usage today, the more expensive stuff wasn't there and besides a few old cars I had similar everything I wanted was dirt cheap for a change. I also have to get new lounge carpets as the others look like a cow lives there. On that front I am faced with another insoluble problem, how to stop living alone. It's not up to me and there's no direct route. From what I read besides a form of prayer/visualisation that's it. I was reminded a third mutual female was around, the first was banned by her mother, the second was too far away and the third was recovered by her ex boyfriend when he heard I was hanging around. I had 3 chances and blew them all. I have no methods and no answers. I accept I am powerless and use my power to do what I can like take photos. All scenes are there already and waiting to be taken. Luckily I find new ones from new angles, and in roads I never used until I pass them on the way somewhere else. And with photobox I can now keep them in a permanent bound book beyond the old print albums I have piled up everywhere.
Seeing no future is scary but realistic, and slowly my attention has to return more and more to the present as that's all there is. Seeing nothing ahead means whatever there is now is likely to continue for eternity, but that's not true either, it's just the mind has to fill the space ahead with something and that's all there is to do it. My minor celebrity never called again despite thinking I did a good job, her loss and privilege if she doesn't want to come back, plenty more do. So, that's the start of 47, as each year passes you get a little more experience and insight and I suppose when you get enough to really make use of it you die. Good system, who thought of it?

Busy for a change

Well, following the two days of work (notice the font experiment there?) I have the many days of not work, with my birthday saturday people coming although the birthday's actually on Monday everyone wants to come on a saturday or not at all. I did my required photos today, and though variations of a theme not that many people would go to the trouble of recording the whole north half of Finchley Road, and though some is thoroughly dreadful I got some good shots. I intend to go as far as Swiss Cottage, but as I started off in Temple Fortune in the park and the traffic was building up I stopped just short of Frognal Station and went back via the posh parts of Cricklewood which were quite photogenic.

I've always collected something, from coins to rocks to train tickets, and now photos. Then I'll be picking candidates for my second hardback album, and will offer the next to the library as well. Only some pretty dire shopping tomorrow before my mum, mainly food for saturday, and tidy the house for the same reason. After the decorator the dining table was piled with junk which I removed in minutes for new year, and this time it's the kitchen. Meanwhile I am deliberately sitting here as much as possible just for the pleasure of using the new computer knowing it nearly all works, and is so quick. Anyone who's tried recently will have seen my yahoo webcam is down, that's them not me, it works on messenger but not on the website for ages and I just emailed them. On the work front neither new visitor has called back, one was an academic enquiry rather than a new regular but the other was a potential longer term but apparently not. They all even out, and the suitable ones continue.

Otherwise little to report but the current policy of living a day at a time is working as frankly most of the apparent future is dead if I imagine it but in reality each day has been fairly full. And when there's so little happening you really notice every little part of your life like paying money in the bank atm and buying pizza. Normally they are unregistered parts of a fuller life but when that's all there is then they register as big as a night at the theatre or flight to France. It is relative. And in the house all the things you do mean 100 times as much when shared with someone else as I just about remember. If by some miracle more actually happens (in a good way) tomorrow/in 2007 than I expect I'll be all the happier, but that is by the grace of the powers of chaos, not me.

If anyone actually cares...

Friday's just ended, so any answers that were needed are here. Pretty mundane and basically my own efforts at forcing myself to keep busy and not bored.
This week I have: Taken 3 sets of photos, been out once on my bike, had a few work appointments and otherwise followed the regular routine. I have collected some nice new pictures, and the TV people here can go to hell as I can make my own video on Sunday when I'll be on again rather than wait for hell to freeze over before they send me one.

So having summarised 3 days in a short paragraph (not like me at all, is it?) what else can I say?I hate those minimalist entries nearly as much as the ones made up of links to other sites. If those other sites are so good it must mean you think your own efforts must be crap. I rarely remember how to post links, and do so even more rarely here. I want you to look at this, not some other place. Why promote the competitors?

Anyway, more work tomorrow (more than I'd like really) but business is business. Then to the gym etc as every Saturday. The new computer is also due though I won't be here to use it for a couple of days. I did see an unusual car plate on the way home today which took me an hour to identify as a UK temporary plate. OK, I may as well add it here as I have more pictures to offer than words today.

303 is the serial number, Q is for temporary and 56 is late 2006-early 2007. You won't see many of these around. My case is closed...

God it's boring...

What a boring week and it's only Tuesday. I literally blame living alone as you can't be out all the time and when you are you still need people to see rather than walk the streets on your own. Besides my TV appearance on Sunday there's little or nothing I can think of to keep me busy besides a little work and a couple of possible visitors tomorrow and Thursday. Like when there's nothing on TV and I've run out of websites to trawl (it does happen) I've done the same for life itself. TV has schedules but the few in life are usually only work related, the others being complete surprises. As it was raining I made a local photo trip today and got some nice results (see Flickr link as usual), with work tomorrow so little to think about for 24 hours anyway besides will I get out and back before my 1st appointment.

My old computer is gone but the new one the equivalent of a sperm in the testicle of the manufacturer. IE he hasn't begun building it. So until possibly Saturday I'm using a 9 year old laptop which is fine on the net but like my Amstrad WP if I try and run programs. Which is why I need a decent PC. When it gets dark at 4pm and is cold/wet it's a struggle to think of any reasons to go out besides taking photos of almost identical paths and railway lines. Besides housework which is hardly urgent I return to the computer unless there's actually something better to do. Which is becoming rarer and rarer. Any time a miracle is really needed now is a good example. I am using the ear drops as yet with no results, identical symptoms coming and going but these things usually take a while to go. That slows me down to under 50% as everything is an effort in comparison to normal. Sometimes the sense of humour can hide under piles of boredom and you can never let it out by choice.

So, Tuesday so far, work tomorrow, Thursday unknown as I'm waiting on 2 phone calls, and Friday afternoon free. I am becoming an expert in planning ahead so I don't wake up and have nothing to do. So far it's only a day or two ahead but as I'm heading east on Friday (E. Finchley) that may dictate what I do first except I don't have to be there for ages after it gets dark so I'm not sure what I'd do if I took photos and stayed around the area. I have one person I can visit and if this bug goes away should be OK to do so. Technically I'd be fascinated to know if anyone has a life as boring as mine has become. So boring I literally can hardly imagine anything else. I still look at every house for sale where I'd like to live, I just saw an amazing 4 bed detached in Hendon for about £300,000 less than it would be over the border (NW11) although just over the road. Not that I have the money but I can move in more easily in my dreams. But I'd need someone with me otherwise wherever I go it's the 'Chicago exam' situation, where I heard I'd failed my accountancy exams when in Chicago which showed my problems just follow me wherever I am. I suppose after 13 years away I could do with returning to the old area, this may look nice in places but is very downmarket nowadays and really would prefer to be surrounded by professionals, however hostile. Just in my own environment. If just one got to know me I could ignore being ignored by the others. Maybe I could even take up babysitting again, which I did from 16 to 32 when I got a regular job and couldn't stay up so late in the evenings. At least it gets me out of the house. Like anyone's going to employ a 50 or so year old man to get £3 an hour and run of the kettle instead of a schoolkid or old lady. Mind you if they had broadband I could just sit and get paid for playing games all night which I couldn't do back in the past.

I do see phases come and go throughout life, and hopefully this gap may be another one, and things could liven up even tomorrow. Projecting the present ahead is innacurate, but I just can't see many ways it would change besides being able to take photos later after March though by then I doubt I'll have anywhere left to take. I can't even order my prints yet as they're all on my PC which is currently in peril of losing all its data. Been there, done that, can never rely on saving it.

Shopping list

This looks like a reverse shopping list when I review what I'm going to write but that's how it's been and how my mind organises it. Partly for the critics and employers who imply I don't do enough, so I keep a record of what I do to remind myself I'm not totally idle. Anyway. Yesterday I finally caught the opticians open, they're not nearly as cheap as my usual ones but as I was there I picked some ancient frames and appear to have been given a major discount if they charged me correctly, and they should be here on Wednesday. The frames are the gold pilot style I had when I was 15 and liked them then as well.
I did a few miles on my bike in the rain yesterday as it was just light enough not to get soaked and having missed Thursday due to the boilerman's urgent arrival wanted to make up for it, and found the River Brent despite opening up into a fairly reasonable flow after the Welsh Harp reservoir is locked away behind railings and buildings. But I knew where to look and you'd barely realise by the pictures I took.

Next week I have a few things to look forward to. The video of my programme the most important, then my glasses and then my new computer which is delayed a week for parts. The cd seems stillborn and will need to give Tesco a rocket up the arse for their debut cockup. I'm ordering my next lot of photo prints plus a new hardback book for me without mistakes, the old one is going to our library service.
This week has really been a struggle against conditions. Failed boiler, rain, unreliable people, unreliable machines, the usual crap. It's pissing down now, not that I had many places to go and have a few trips next week to follow railway lines and motorways with the camera. Ultimately I've seen already a picture of people sitting in a room with a picture of them sitting in it on the wall. I've reached a stage where I'll have photos of the views out of the windows on the wall where all you have to do to see them is look out of the window. Each photo I have can be seen by going there but the further you go the harder they are to see, plus not everyone knows where to look. Wickliffe Avenue for a start. This is a dead end road in Finchley I never knew existed, and thought I was still in Hendon as when I approached it from the rear the brook meant I'd left Hendon and all I saw were buildings, not knowing where they were. I'll go up the front of the road next in case it has any more places worth seeing. The brook is about 6 miles long and splits from the Brent in Hendon and ends in High Barnet. It divides districts and creates parkland along its entire length with dead end roads as few were built across it despite being about 10 feet wide. This is Britain where they expected people to ride their horses through rivers, not build bridges.

I admit to becoming pretty bored by the end of the week. I have a bit of an ear infection which has affected my balance on and off and am doing my best not to need antibiotics. That has slowed me down after 100 earlier reasons, it didn't stop me doing a thing thank goodness but made me struggle to do them all. I love adding to numbers though and when I add 3 miles on my bike despite rain I feel satisfaction. My bike is 54 years old I think, I swapped it for the other one which was 50 as it was lighter and only when I went to buy parts for it was told it was older than the other one which I bought when I moved to Oxford in 1988. I had it till 2001 when my mum's neighbour gave up his old bike and swapped it. Then I saw the Peugeot in a shop which I had to ride 15 miles for a tenant who moved and was quicker than any other, but would mean peeing around with mine and decided it wasn't worth the trouble at the time, and now regret it. Too late now.

So despite havoing to wait another week this computer works besides the floppy drive and ethernet as I paid dearly for it to be repaired a month ago may as well get some more use out of it. Call it a motherboard and mine would be prosecuted for neglect of duties. You can't repair the fuckers, £60 for a replacement and AMD processors do only last a few years as they are copies of Intel but heat up and have complex circuits. They are a total waste of money. I won't be getting one in future, assuming the new computer packs up though my laptop is 8 years old and going strong. Well, as I said, a mixture of the dullest details possible, as that is life here. Under instructions to be aware of my being and not be sucked into my thoughts I see that as a challenge and something to compare my future progress with. Who knows, I am told it is possible.

TV and fellatio

Blimey, interesting activity at last! I went to the Discovery Kids website last night to see who to contact about my forthcoming TV appearance and saw the very programme was scheduled for the next morning! I rang the radio as always plus contacted everyone in my address book and just managed to catch it in time. As it was in the morning I recorded it, and woke up to find an advertising and gardening programme on instead. So now I know I was in it but will have to wait for someone to send me a video to see it myself. What a fiasco.
So it's been a busy day. First I got a few rushed photos on the brook at Hendon, as I had to get back in case the cleaner arrived early, and then saw a client. The phone went nonstop since and I saw Chelsea drop another 2 points to Aston Villa (hooray!) on Sky. I also had to make enquiries about fixing my cable box as it clearly can't handle recording from a channel on intermission and they have to send someone round to reprogram it. Though they claimed it never happened before I assume they all work (don't work) the same way and couldn't tell me or I'd sue them. It makes no difference either way if mine's fucked and won't bring my programme back even when they do fix it.

I will go for an exciting walk after this and then who knows (I do) as it'll be late. Play online mahjongg (not any good as this version only has one game so you can't beat your scores). But I don't know any others that are free so it's that or nothing. People coming tomorrow early and late so that's taken care of, and little ahead. I'll probably find the opticians never stay open late on Fridays when I pass, if not I'll have to go back and make a special trip the week after. It was really sunny today driving and dark glasses would have helped.
So, even though I have little idea of the content, I have doubled my media presence overnight and this time more people seem to have watched it though a few emails I sent bounced for absolutely no reason. I have also been told to participate in my enlightenment work with no input from my ind, which I am doing for a while. I will see what happens. At least it'll give my mind a rest and train it to be quieter if nothing more. It does get in the way when it's not being used helpfully and needn't continue in the gaps, as no one else's should.

While my hits here have dropped the ones on flickr have risen to near the level this was when I started. Fashions change but I think visual images will never lose fashion whereas writing themes do continually and I know mine won't vary much. Not that I want it to. It took me 46 years to develop it and apart from switching from facts to jokes more, which is normally involuntary (try asking a comedian to be funny) this is it. I was also just given a huge chocolate cake with maybe 10 pieces in it, I really need some help to finish it. One is coming tomorrow. First eat my cake, then the cock. I can but dream.