The power of entropy?

On the technical side there's good news and bad news, the bad being the counter has stopped although it was removed from the page months ago, but kept working till last month. But at least my readers haven't all given up, I just don't know how many there are now. I tried to add a new counter but suspect blogger don't like them and wasn't accepted. If anyone can use one here let me know what and I'll start a new one.

Last week was chaotic and busy, but so far have averted all disasters although haven't had the damage to the car assessed yet. My friends who went abroad in 2002 are returning for the second time since, but only to get the visa to stay there, probably permanently. The seven years was not realistic as if you make it that long the roots have already gone too deep. Just the crumbs from now on then. Besides a quick booking tomorrow the week ahead is free so far, not necessarily at the time but would like a quiet one. The weekend was literally a washout if you look at today, sport all day on TV yesterday and a quick photo trip today, plus the gym and that was it. Since randomly finding the first two direction signs on Streetview since it began in March I've been doing that most of the time when home but simply eliminated vast areas of London. It has to be done though as they vanish monthly.

Again I have to trust the system as it stands, starting tomorrow. Not a clue if not raining, I'll probably look to see a blank area on the map and see what photos can be taken there. They'll run out sooner or later but will cross that bridge when I come to it. My school year started turning 50 last month and one by one we'll be falling till next august. I'm probably the only single one and one with no children, but I never followed the crowd. Business wise I was decades ahead as came naturally but women did not. Or exams, but I just had to have enough tuition to work out what to do before I was chucked out.
The unfortunate pattern I see though says the principles of inertia and stasis must rule everything besides the exceptions. That means people always act in their own interests when you need something from them, if they help you it's usually a coincidence as it helps them as well. People may want to see you but often only when they're bored. They will scrounge favours until they are on their deathbeds, not answer direct questions, forget to do things, and all the other selfish and unreliable things most people do every day.

This extends to groups, as they contain people who misbehave in unison, from governments to management groups. Power will nearly always be abused, the worst decisions made as they are for special interests only, and basically a culture of lying even in the face of the truth. Global warming exposes the worst of everyone, the evil bastards who steal our money in the cause, and the poor sods who still believe something anyone over 5 could work out if they took half an hour to analyse it. I have been forced to forge a personal path of truth and development separate from everything else, and the best I can do for others is teach by example. I am free of anger, the rare times it does come I am aware and know it can be taken or left. I stopped being affected by the end of relationships nearly 40 years ago for survival. If I can everyone can. And many more. Entropy is the trend of matter to destruction. If you leave anything long enough it decays. Some people learn not to behave badly but the ones I've tested recently failed every go.

So I expect nothing better, any more is a bonus but the woman last week was a leopard with spots like poor Steven Hendry's. There are a handful of good people I know and trust, but they are not politicians, my bosses, and rarely those who can pull strings in any of my projects. So I go it alone and each time the vast majority simply let me down, as although most would suffer little to help it's not in their repertoire to do so.

Naming and shaming, The South London Press, Dulwich Times (or whatever they call it), The Sun, Harrow Observer and Channel 4 on the media front so far, a whole website, the woman last week, her sister, both major parties in the UK (punish the sick? David Cameron should be struck down with a selection himself and then he'd understand), Barnet council (twice), a resident's association within it, Harrow School, Transport for London (half marks, they tried to help but my cat could have done a better job, even from the grave), Brent council, Hackney council, Southwark council, Spelthorne council highways department, and many more I can't think of at 3am.
There are flowers as well, such as Hertfordshire highways, but that is a different entry. And I'll never expect better now, the chances any of these guys getting you what you want are like throwing five sixes in poker dice.

Universal disappointment

Another phase in life, and a real pisser this time. Nearly but not quite, the British disease. In the last few weeks I nearly got published in a national paper, nearly got somewhere with someone who may become a girlfriend, nearly met someone I met online, nearly saw myself in a TV programme and quite a few more I've lost track of.
Of course what this actually means is I didn't get anything and although half this list is likely to happen eventually (and I know exactly which half) it makes the present no more bearable and less boring. I have used the lack of activity to create endless photographic records, venturing further and further into oblivion (Hertfordshire) as you have to keep finding new areas. I am now planning a few videos with me in them instead of filming, and will set that up soon. The almost total lack of outside activities will force me to finish the stuff at home that's been piling up for months and like when the internet goes down will finally start getting looked at.

After a call to the newspaper with no response I've let that one go, if they suddenly do it then great but it's no longer on the system. I'm seeing a producer this week about another programme so keep moving career wise anyhow. Apart from that I have one booking so far this week and am seeing my American cousin on Friday, typical when I have so many the only two I got on with are either abroad or dead. And old as actually my mother's cousins. All the rest are very much local, alive and absent.
So there's no more disappointment left now as there's nothing left not to happen. If that makes sense. I do start to see the sense in the people who left home to meditate for months or more as you can actually see the benefits there and it doesn't rely on anyone else. That should make me do more at home and maybe it will. I haven't stopped but the internet has always seemed to win. I tried to join a forum for the group I joined last night but besides wanting to know virtually how often you wank, do you have impure thoughts and are you a criminal they also called you from abroad and charged you for it. Now a local call costs almost £6 if the charges are reversed as I once discovered, so imagine one from India. I'd rather save the money for my next car.
It was a shame as I'd like to talk with people who understand the same things as me, but not for that price.

So, no business as usual. I've managed to keep incredibly busy since the newspaper interview and even though the ideas are running out hope to continue, but you can't help seeing everything that isn't there, and wondering how each time manages to evaporate to nothing. As I said, some are still possible but no longer officially alive. I'm also waiting to see if they tell me how many people watched my programme last month. In the UK you become famous simply by being seen by a million or more viewers. Of course they are all in a small area so will be more likely to bump into other people who have seen it and be able to talk about it, but I suspect I may have reached that as the show, although on a pay channel, was available coast to coast. Did any Americans see episode 6 'Alien Abduction- true confessions'? If so, that was me!

Am I complaining too much?

Glad to see many more visitors now we are all linked up again, and an encouragement to keep going.
My current state of being is returning to peace for a short time (after very little for a long time) only for something small medium or large to interfere with it, testing it's strength. Some are real, some fear based, but all genuine challenges to my wellbeing until they pass. I'm not as bad as the true obsessives I know who make every small possibility the end of their lives, but without the support of any other person every stone in the shoe of life is a lot more painful. Technically I am fairly free so far, tomorrow has a few plans and more I can do throughout the week if I bother, and may also buy a DVD camera so my youtube videos can look professional as I said before Argos couldn't cope with people looking at their site. Only Hotmail ever did that before but I still haven't checked the prices and specs yet after that glitch.

My female situation has moved on as well, I face putting up with one of the least inspiring individuals on earth for two reasons, no others left and she looks good. The menu is limited and starvation is not an option. Strangely I got the first social call on Friends Reunited ever in 6 years ( the only other was a funeral invitation) but this was from some mad Greek woman who I didn't even know! Go figure. I'll be interested to know what the reason for calling me was as not being a paid member all she could do was ask me to call her. I can't see it leading to anything somehow.
I also have a list of spiritual and psychic techniques I picked up recently and so far none have had any effect. I have a few which have small effects but could do with more as a result. You can't get to the moon on a bike. Having looked around there are probably few if any better, and the others which claim to work are so complicated and demanding they are like every other method I had to use for business advancement, and don't feel like doing the same for pleasure. There are only two possibilities, either these things work or not. Having seen a few which do it implies many more will, and if they don't for me doesn't automatically mean any or all will not. I just keep trying.

Each week I wonder if I'll ever get more than just the normal and expected. It's a start to have no problems each week, but imagine eating rice every day, you'd survive but wouldn't really enjoy eating. We are designed to need more than survival with little bad or good. Having had a reasonable family life long in the past know that is the foundation most people need, and with none of it at home means without any extras life gets pretty dead. Extras are so rare they may average once a year or less. And from them most last a short time and have no lasting effect. A few are set up in advance, like my next 2 TV appearances. One has a date but I can't see it, the other has nothing but a provisional screening time, and not on TV at all. It'll be nice when they come along but otherwise each week is a repeat of a routine designed to make the best of the toys I've been given. I did notice I should do some things differently just to break the boredom and I am, which is an improvement. It doesn't make up for a lack of good news but can break the monotony when done well.
Post strike allowing one or both of my DVDs will soon arrive so I can watch Rainbow for the first time in about 30 years and Peter Paul and Mary, whose music is nothing special, but message and setting is. Having the 60s to anchor me in my existence is not an ideal method as it doesn't actually exist any more, but the best I currently have. Most people look to the past when their friends have all died off at about 80, I am at it already. Why does life keep letting me down?