Getting where exactly?

I still do my almost daily blog elsewhere simply as that's where the audience appears to be. But people do still visit here so not planning to give up, but think it's site wide and not just my blog as people move over to Facebook. Partly due to the latest photo site encouraging us to travel as far as possible to extend our coverage, and a gradual return of my energy I've managed more this year already than I had for a few years. If your health's up the creek you're stuffed whoever or whatever you are. And having the blood tests come up clear were a great relief, as has now eliminated most of any of the worst (although being initialized couldn't work out what they were all for) and can relax on that front.

Other than that I am fine when things are going well (which isn't a given when you have other health problems and the like hanging about) and just need to stay up when knocked down by events. Things will always break, fall apart and go against you throughout your life, and with no one normally around to help mean if you're on your own there's no one to share any burden. That must make every event worse as I don't remember them causing so much grief when I still lived at home as I always had the support. Mind you, if you can crack that one there's not much left, and I seem to have covered everything on the way to that hurdle. I didn't ask to be super human, but seem to be being gradually broken down to be rebuilt in true shamanic fashion, except over years instead of days.

Losing faith and belief is another part of these tests- although I've always said how the process is cruel in the short term as however much you advance and see the world becoming more connected (the outward sign of that progress) you still keep on suffering. The traditional result of enlightenment is the end of suffering, though some teachers say there is still suffering but they don't associate with it. That's a typical statement you'll never get until you are so no point attempting to analyse it further. Obviously once you see life is being guided at all then it is being guided. And likely even the seeming gaps where everything returns to random can be looked into further to find a purpose. And even though I'm only on this path for my own benefit if I learn anything new my nature is to share it. I've no idea how many people learn anything from my offerings on screen, but do know it helps people when they come to me directly for help. When I was at my worst points it was the logic of my mother who helped me more than anyone else. Of course mine is inherited from her and her parents, as well as my father's academic mind. Looking at the careers of my family then I can see why they expected so much of me.

I don't know what to expect next if anything. I see myself grow from one issue to the next but the new problems never stop. They aren't unusual ones, but just a constant stream as soon as the last ones are fixed. The old story is whenever everything else is sorted then it's time for the dentist, and tends to be the case sooner or later as now. Nothing major at least and should be fixed in minutes but still have to both go and probably be sent to the hygienist as well as they don't do that as part of the checkup where I go now, plus it's private so have to pay the full price despite being an NHS practice otherwise. So it's been optician, doctor, outpatients and suppose the full set was on the cards really. I suppose at least there's no psychiatrist on the list. Anyway, here are a couple of photos from last week's trip to Oxford.

Progress report

Let's see if I can get some followers back. I've been doing some new spiritual practices offered free online, and seem to be getting insights about all sorts of things one after another which once taken on board are permanent. Things are noticed and click into place. I've been told about a couple more treatments to wipe out other issues and will see if any results come, I'm very pleased people are prepared to offer them all free.

Otherwise with the improving light I've started going to take new places for my photo map, as a collector anything will do and gets me seeing places I haven't been to for ages again. I also had my garage roof finally repaired and the extension is half finished on the back so making plenty of progress. That's about it really but some pretty big stuff sorted out, as well as the car service which now makes a lot less noise than it did before. So I'll continue the work and sorting the house out, I think I'm starting to get my act together now and the interesting part is no effort is involved. The practices are very easy and the results seem to follow either coincidentally or automatically, either way it hasn't been from actively contorting my mind (against the grain) as recommended to, but doing the equivalents of yoga and astral work and the changes just seem to follow. That's the way I've suspected would work if anything did and all this positive thought crap which simply deludes the mind which snaps back in seconds has never seemed right to me. That intuition seemed to work and can now tell anyone else what has and hasn't passed my tests.

And by the way, don't be shy to comment even if you've got nothing to say, once we all got comments and found new blogs to read as a result, it's a dry as a witch's tit nowadays, everyone seems to have gone to Facebook and forgotten the few of us left here.

Getting there

I have actually been pretty busy since even before the last entry. Thursday night I was doing a standard search for old road signs and one turned up in the centre of London, I couldn't get the exact spot so spent a couple of hours checking the following day and then got a photo that night while there was a lot less traffic and free parking. I was supposed to take the camera with me for a non-official one at the weekend and as I forgot ended up discovering a totally new part of Richmond Park I will now be returning to with the SLR and tripod for the 180' views of London. I am also working on an article for another magazine I originally wrote the previous article for but was used before their date to see it. I hope I can now produce something else they want but have a good few ideas.

While being fully aware of my own shortcomings, mainly in the reactions area, it's going to be an uphill haul changing any one of them. I know what they are but my own symptoms of anxiety are so acute it'll take a lot to bring them anywhere near close to normal but can only work on it. This week is pretty routine- I realised there was something I wanted a photo of I actually passed on Friday night so didn't need to go twice but now will, have to take the memory card to be wiped after it got corrupted again and will finally get an eye test, twice as frequent due to glaucoma in the family. Free but still takes up time and may cost a lot if I need new lenses again. Then the builder says he should fix my garage roof after what must be a few year's wait, and coincides nicely with clearing out the spare room which I'll do tomorrow while I have to wait in for the planning officer to check on work being done next door.

I am getting there and using the new methods as I go along, and of course anyone reading this can see things have been improving. And I am slowly learning to focus on the good things and less on the rest as taught. There's a long way to go, mainly with the anxiety issue, but have to start somewhere.

Progress so far

I'll do today's entry more as a list. I'm trying (with advice) to organise my life more. Look at the good side of everything and see if I can attract it, as per Abraham-Hicks and The Secret.

The garage was closed today so used that glitch to go to the outdoor gym, and then came back and carried on working on the spare room. It should be normal now within a few days after years of storage. I also collected all my global warming data (the flat lines and the hockey sticks for exactly the same periods) and sent it off to see if someone would write an article from it. There is a consistent theme now of massaging raw data to get a hockey stick, Dr Jim Salinger appears to have invented it and may end up barred from any organisation at the very least if gets busted. Madoff got about 120 years and they've ripped off way more than that.

Tomorrow is attempt 2 for the MOT which may well be a week off as Tuesday is blocked as a council inspector is coming 'in the afternoon' to look at the building work next door from here. Otherwise it's just a quick check to see if something I ordered weeks ago has finally arrived, and carry on tidying and gardening. I'll try the law of attraction again now I just about understand it after seeing all the lectures emailed to me, I have the book I read ages ago but didn't make an impression back then. I'll see if I can attract what I'd otherwise have called grace to fill the space ahead of me, as maybe the guidance I've experienced for over a year (and told is constant if you look for it by the Celestine Prophecy) has been gradually controlling things more myself than an unknown external intelligence. That had to use the Akashic Records to find the things I hadn't seen directly, but been connected to that as long as I remember.

If I can now use the little power I know to cover more, clairvoyance has so far only helped convince others it's real while getting me nothing. It occasionally helped me when others did it back for me, but so far haven't used it to help myself. I have shifted two big areas so far (well they coincided with my work on them) using The Secret, which is a simplified version of Abraham, and if all this can tie up together I may sort things out altogether. I do now look for the opportunities when things go dead, and what I can do when something fucks up as today. That is I admit a totally new trick as simple doesn't equate to obvious in many cases. Maybe we see or are told things when we can use them and not before. This is now a project like all others now I get the rules, and will see what happens.

Otherwise there's nothing else to report, and will see if I can use this to shift the stuck or twisted areas like the two women driving me mad at the moment. There's that margin of rather having someone with you than being alone but the person is such a bore or pain they waver between asset and liability. One here is attractive and dull, the other not that attractive, dull but not terminally, but sexually liberated. So I took the only offer on the system, but will see if that can change as well. There is a case now and I'm on it.

A clean slate

I have a pretty clean slate now. Jobs that needed doing have been done and collecting a heap of stuff from late grandma's tomorrow to give away. I'm back Streetviewing after a week off and hope something easy to get to turns up just to keep me at it. I may well see the harmless but useless woman this week after managing to delay it for two weeks, as I get almost nothing back (well technically zero) so don't see the point besides being the nearest thing I get to socialising at the moment.



Looking back I have done pretty well this year:



Lots of rare old road signs mainly down to the new Streetview coverage

Been to a party (a rare event nowadays and one the nerves had to deal with)

Dealt with all business and work issues smoothly

Visited a few people (see party entry above- as rarely invited is a big deal nowadays)

Both seen the guidance continue from last year plus now seeing connections around me

Been to various pubs with said woman which were also a good test for my nerves

Did a photo shoot in a restaurant (see party entry again)

Of course there's a lot more especially as some of these only keep me out of trouble or add to collections without really changing my life. My TV is also currently awaiting a circuit diagram before a resistor can be fitted but presumably will avoid me needing a new one just yet. At the end of the month the PC is swapping the 40gb drive (full besides the partition) for a 350 or 500gb job so should also last a good few years. The PC is a custom made Microsoft job plus my old HDD which is now about to go, meaning it will all be reasonably up to date. Being on the damn thing most of the day (it's educational though) means I need the best stuff as time is business and the slower the more wasted. I could have done with a dual core processor but can't have everything.

Having met someone else from a website over the weekend more are planned next week at a photo exhibition (nerves aside), at least I've been before and quite an easy place to visit. After two years of amateur agoraphobia becoming professional I appreciate every place I get to now, although terrified of the harder ones in advance to various degrees. There are very good reasons I am as it was driven by genuine health problems which turned it from avoiding the worst to avoiding almost everything. I have come across more local people online as well and plan to meet a good few more if they want to. I know I do my best, and when I was OK physically did a heck of a lot more to get me where I am today. And looking ahead when I was 18 would have probably settled for the academic prizes I achieved, although one (master's degree) had to be abandoned I have the rest of the ones I actually needed, the other was purely for pride although may have got me a lecturing job had I tried. I did manage to virtually never do a standup routine when I was teaching, it was a new job and had to behave myself. Maybe if I went along with the fart jokes (some classes managed more than I used to) I may have got more of them under control, but may also have got sacked which never happened.

My hope is now I've seen myself guided in one area the woman, career and social life will follow. I have larger ambitions as well but they are really down to grace, as the masters call it.

Getting it all done

I've had another guided weekend, including my thoughts. I was at a loose end on Saturday night and did my monthly or so check for old signs posted online, and after well over an hour went to Surrey and found yet another one which turned out to be pretty easy to get to, and a very rare map type I have very few of. I was planning to go to the old subway ones I Streetviewed in Hounslow but did that today despite taking nearly as long due to major traffic. I'm now free and if no ideas tomorrow can finish my article and then print the rest to be made to a little book.

The red triangle may arrive this week and in which case should be fitted on Sunday. Another (the first) has popped up south of the Thames but 75 miles south so fuck all use to me. But gives hope as on a farm track and one of the few places they may be in Surrey if I keep looking. Not a single other plan this week, I've driven (or been driven) over 100 miles this weekend so have little need to do more, plus London has apparently given up its treasure sign wise already and am lucky Surrey still turns up more as it's not on Streetview and have to rely on local knowledge.

So I believe it's still being controlled, and the other projects are in wait mode, meaning I have (or others) set the wheels in motion and can now only forget the lot until the fruit grows. I've had loads of time to play online quizzes again now Streetview's almost done, and getting dark at 4pm, and even managed to win a few again. Otherwise it's a supermarket voucher visit, optician to try and get new lenses in my sunglasses, which needs some price shopping, and probably a trip to see if I can get a clock for my new car as it's very offputting. I have a few hours of videos to see as well when there's shit on TV in the evenings (most nights besides I'm a celebrity), and pretty happy to have a rest this week although will still be working once or twice at my late grandma's until the stuff has been removed.

The current ETA for the projects is in the few months ballpark (just thought I'd add a useless cliche) so will be doing the short term everyday stuff until anything else crops up, besides the triangle sign which is a week or two off. At least things have now become a bit more positive and have a list of ambitions which is gradually being addressed, hopefully bigger each time.

Getting it done

That was a busy week- My friends from America are here and seen them nearly every day before they return for 3 more years minimum. I went back to take a photo of the sign I found last week behind locked gates, and ordered the triangle to go on top which will be replaced sooner or later now.
So most of my jobs are out of the way for now, and an arson attack on our junction box meant north London had no cable access for over 2 days after my last entry, and had two whole fucking email replies when it returned yesterday afternoon. I'd run out of things to do at home by Friday and really missed whatever the internet could do. Living alone means there's literally nothing else to do besides housework, TV and the internet, and besides the 5 terrestrial channels the rest were off as well.

Things do seem to be fitting better now, more actual finishes although others are only half done still. Besides probably seeing my friends one last time Tuesday I am devoid of all plans besides one booking on Friday. I'll have to tidy my grandma's after they go back and do all the washing but that was the rule they were allowed to stay at all by my mum. I believe something will still happen, the big one/s whatever they are. I joined the Facebook page of a lovely woman in my old TV programme although she's a few years older than me and probably knocking 60 and married. She hasn't replied to my comments though but may rarely visit. Maybe a woman will be next, I know exactly what I both want and need, and as long as she tolerates my massive limitations will be perfectly OK. I can't imagine or engineer where they'll finally come from whatever my mother thinks, but everything else happens randomly sooner or later and so does that.

I can't remember if anything else is on its way, clearly not the various people expected to reply when the internet came back, but if nothing else the rest will do me good this week. It gets too dark for photos by 4 even if I had any to take now, and am busy on my postal course to be followed by finishing one article and starting a second. Even the news is opening up a little now, with the BBC reporting global warming disbelievers and Friends of the Earth realising carbon trading is also a con. If you trade in something that can't be bought and sold the actual transactions are void. There is nothing being bought or sold, like a Ponzi scheme or Enron. It's just another name for fraud. We give and they take, and what do we get in return, literally fresh air, including the carbon that's been traded. Hold on, does that sound like bollocks? Because of course it is. Do you really need an IQ of 169 to realise that, if so we are in dire straits.
That's the final job, I must find someone to take my IQ, two more calls to make tomorrow. One at a time.

Busy week for a change

Besides the usual photos and videos I spent this week spending some of my birthday money, and actually got quite a few things on my list despite only spending £20. That's the way I shop, I saw a few other items for £20-30 each and thought they were a waste, and got far more than I expected after a few days looking around and was offered the final item I was after as a present next week.
I also spent a couple of days chasing up my media projects, and if nothing else have plenty more information. It's a start, positive, but not close to an actual date on any of them. But as long as they're alive I'm OK. The trouble is none of these steps have made a difference to my life so far of course. New pictures and books are nice but don't change your life much.

I was also expecting a few more replies which have been totally absent, one was promised over a week ago and the other is a total mystery. Hopefully both will be cleared up next week. The 'active' woman in my life seems more interested in keeping occupied than in me. The other is a long shot in many ways but is actually suitable and interested. Many couples meet and after decades of separation finally unite, and this is no reason not to either. If she's now single anyhow. But after expecting little or nothing this week I made plans each day and did all the work myself, relying on no one to get the activities and results. Whether I can keep this up is debatable, I have a few photo trips coming up next week onwards, and how long any media news will take is anyone's guess.
I am also working a little more on flogging my artwork after my old school sent an ad for an art sale in May. No reply from there either but it could be half term.

It is boring meanwhile when despite getting a lot done (I even fixed the mileometer on my bike at last) nothing is happening. I did see a youtube video describing enlightenment in a way that finally made sense to me and means I now see it as a genuine state achieved through effort and not chance. I have the method ( see www.nickroach.co.uk), a website I also contributed quite a bit to anonymously. Most teachers say to focus on any aspect of the present and they must have a point.
I hope tomorrow is more exciting than expected, as I'm going out later I really can't be bothered driving around first, will do the online quiz at 2 and then maybe saved up jobs indoors at last. At least I'll have the time to do them. It's no joke being alone I can tell you.

Figures everywhere

I've actually been pretty busy this week. Routine stuff but little time to stop and think crap thoughts. More accounts (will it ever end, and will I ever get paid?), saw a friend after and took photos from a motorway/railway bridge yesterday. Working tomorrow, fine but they wanted a (feh!) early appointment. Early for me anyway. The boiler was down for a few days, fixed on Monday and lasted a day, and magically came on again this evening. Fingers crossed. The cat was defleaed as well so should be a lot happier now. There's little else besides hoping to see my 3rd online TV programme this year. Each is a step to fame and I think maybe 10 minutes of scene will do more for recognition albeit in a different continent.

Otherwise there's nothing really to do one way or another, business or pleasure. I did realise like when there was nothing on TV before I had the internet I would meditate, and when all else stops I can always do that. You can't meditate too much. And if it works your actual circumstances matter less and less. I've still been too busy with work to read many more blogs so not surprised few more people have arrived since we've been linked again. Or I've become boring. Life has become boring a lot of the time and this reflects my life. What else I can mention besides that I'm not sure, except to say a few people are now beginning to recognise my abilities. They were finished by so much time on my own that it forced me to work out a lot about life and that is what taught me most of what I now know. It is of no practical use to me yet but does help others and answer most questions I'm given.

Unlike usual I am running out of material. I've used my time well today and deserve more really. More money for the work and any sex from the women. Not too much to ask really.