Spiritual development July 2012

Time to catch up with the spiritual development. I've spent the year from spring onwards (due to the long days) working on my photo project, and now covered enough of the map to be satisfied, and means I can now both relax locally again and work on myself. This involves being constantly directed from one situation to another, mainly to give me the chance to learn how to deal with them and occasionally to reward me.

I know where I'm aiming, probably higher than 99.9r% of the population, but because I'm not satisfied with the alternative. I don't want to react to anything any more. Masters have no response at all to news at all, good or bad, but are at peace. You can enjoy the good stuff but no longer affected by the outside as if it actually matters personally. You can access this for moments through meditation and it can happen, you are so calm you know anything could occur and it wouldn't make any difference. I would rather have that all the time now. I'm adding new methods the whole time now I've found a decent teacher who emphasises the powers over enlightenment, as few reach enlightenment but anyone can learn powers one at a time. I now see auras most times when I try, despite seeing them very clearly a few times when with my teacher and a few without. That all but stopped after I stopped lessons 20 years ago, and finally able to do it again albeit rarely as bright so far but happy to see anything at all.

The stress level is always tested after a few day's relief at most. That's the string of situations where I must learn not to react. That's like telling someone not to eat the meal in front of them when they're hungry. I'm being tested now at the highest level, being made to attempt to challenge and ignore the survival instinct itself. It does mean I've covered every other level, but until you beat the devil nothing changes inside, you don't yet feel any different to before but have learnt how to handle everything else besides the worst. I don't even know if the last level is possible besides hearing it from others, but can't do very well otherwise. My patience does wear out at times as my ultimate aim is to reach the end (again, so I've been told) and am running out of energy to handle more tests as like anything else the more you do, like driving miles for my photos, the more you wear out. No teacher pushes the student further than they can manage or it's wasting everyone's time, so am hoping I reach the stage where outside events compensate for the dreadful ones. I don't want or need to be perfect, for example I simply don't care if I ever sit in an audience or go on a holiday again. I've literally been there done that to the maximum and now content without ever doing either. I don't want some new age therapist saying I can't make it until I can happily do everything I can't, as you'd have people picking up spiders and snakes and jumping with parachutes before they could even prepare for enlightenment. We're not designed to be perfect, we are human and have a list of things we can and can't do for everyone, and no one becomes enlightened because they've learnt how to cope with everything life can throw at them. That's not just a psychological process but physically impossible as no one is made to do that, ask yourself what I can't do and you can, and then think what I may do and you can't, it probably evens itself out in nearly all the examples.

So I'm not attempting the impossible by trying to fix nearly all my issues, as a few I know try and make me do, I am however being presented with the regular challenges to my sanity by events arriving I would far rather not attend but know I need to or miss out on something as a result, ie paying a HUGE fucking price for something I need but technically can't afford. It's the same as offering a starving man a sandwich for £10,000 and expecting them to pay or die, but not quite as clear cut. Referring to my point, no teacher ever makes the lessons that tough, but like weightlifting you must work your way up gradually so no single step is too much. I know my boundaries and of course life crosses them for everyone, but I can see how it's being done to me now as a pattern and wonder what I need to do (the teaching says we ought to be able to take over the control as an adept) to stop it. Adeptship comes before enlightenment, and many stop there as the power is almost omnipotent and leaves little desire to continue to full liberation. In the end you get bored with writing your own script and want to release from the outside world altogether, and you are liberated, but may be some time to do so.

My greatest gap is feeling the same now as I started 21 years ago. The day after I left college and started my spiritual classes I picked up the basics in clairvoyance and meditation very quickly and never got much further. I can tune in better and more reliably now (that's just practice) but still feel like shit when life is, and get extremely little from any meditation I do. I am clearly being guided, if not all but most of the time, as I see the clues more and more now, but so far have been on the train 21 years and yet to reach the first station. That's not impatience, quite the opposite, as many people give up at that point. I didn't, half because I don't want to stay as I am, and half because I've been given enough gifts from outside to know I've earned something, but those are like Christmas presents, they are nice when they arrive but your life is the same the next day. Nothing yet to change my life, and it seems if the outside world reflects the inner world mine is stuck, all the outer situations, the politics and people's attitudes in general have reached rock bottom, with criminal psychopaths in charge and a majority of simple minded fools underneath who believe they're all father christmas while having their pockets picked by them. Having taught myself how 21st century politics works and posted it here I and many people know the truth, but we're the high IQ brigade, and the nature of high IQ is it's only distributed in a minority, those who are outvoted.

Until the fraud and corruption is exposed and punished we are stuck with vast prices and restrictions on our lives, and it's as if my life and the world's are both stuck and can't free ourselves of the dark energy. Personally you detach and no longer affected whatever the energy outside, but as above so below each is simply a reflection of the other, so when one breaks the other will follow as linked. So I look at my own life and see it stuck, and outside. And know when either shifts the other will as a result. But can they ever do that at all?

Our true nature

I just wrote this in response to a question on a forum:

A totally different view is that awareness is the highest level of being, so as all we are is awareness (not a theory, looking right ahead with no mirror what are you?) then the nature of humanity is awareness, a body following that awareness wherever it goes (unless you can have out of body experiences) and what runs through that awareness is constantly changing and neither inside or outside the awareness as again, if you look directly, can you really assess which sensations are from within and outside? Is a sound in you or outside for instance? Is it only heard when it goes in your brain, or was it outside and inside at the same time? The answer is it is in awareness, you can't actually answer that question as it is just a sound. Then extend that for all the other things you are aware of (including thoughts) and you have a field of empty awareness peopled by a variety of sensations and thoughts which are never static but constantly changing. 

There isn't even you there when you forget. No person with a history, that goes away until you are reminded of it. After a few moments of absorption (natural meditation) you are what you are aware of, you have gone and only comes back when something reminds you of it. 
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Seems the message is beginning to get through here as well- that just wrote itself and became more aware of the situation as I'd written it. That's what happens after enough practice.

The nature of enlightenment teachings

The nature of enlightenment and possible ways to reach it

 

David Howard LLB (Hons) Dip Counselling

 

My interest in enlightenment began when I was introduced by a friend, after already being interested in the supernatural and higher levels of consciousness for as long as I remember. When I discovered the possibility you could raise your consciousness permanently to its ultimate level I was quickly hooked. So I took the normal route of visiting teachers, reading books and trying whichever practices I was shown hoping sooner or later to see a result. I’d already just learned meditation from one of the biggest groups worldwide but could see whatever that offered it wasn’t likely to produce enlightenment so while continuing with that for its own benefits also continued to go for the ultimate change.

 

Rather than find a single teacher and stick with them I went to whoever was around in London at the time, and if I liked them and they returned may go and see them again. Most gave fairly similar methods and ideas, although some gave no methods at all besides satsang- listening to them and sharing their presence hoping something in you would shift as a result. Most others did some form of focusing on what was happening in the present as their techniques. There was also Ramana Maharshi’s dual methods offered by his own school of teachers, adding to this self enquiry and a mantra which are also offered in many similar groups. Since I began learning directly in 1997 I have yet to find much more than these three methods plus the potentially most powerful one of receiving the master’s power directly through the transfer of shaktipat. A relative few offer this, and it is not usually enough on its own to cause enlightenment in one or more applications, although can be capable of causing a permanent change. But it does show the recipient a direct experience of what they are to be aiming for, when it is felt, but it only works at the level of readiness the student is.

 

My own enquiries showed me I preferred the simple methods of putting my awareness in the present, with a number of variations. Self enquiry is basically asking yourself who you are and waiting for the answer to come. Some teachers have taken this as a vigorous and exclusive method but others say you only need methods to show you directly without needing to actively chase the answer in that way. But in the end the techniques themselves are numerous and the persistent use of your chosen ones is far more important than the methods themselves. As in yoga the reason there are so many different methods is that they are all designed to suit the individual rather than a one size fits all, whereas if a single one worked the best it would probably be well known throughout the community already. So the best method is to look around and find a teacher and teachings you resonate with and stick to them, and if necessary (as many teachers themselves did) move on when you find someone more suitable, as one teacher isn’t always sufficient to take you the whole way.

 

Focusing on the present, as with mantras, can be done formally or actively, meaning you both choose to sit and practice for a given time, and then when you think of it practice while doing whatever else you are doing as well. You can always be aware of what you are feeling regardless of your activities. I believe I may have found a teacher who has discovered the solution to the age old problem of dedicated students who may follow teachers and practices faithfully, often for decades, with little or no results. He spent some time investigating this and found ultimately they were using effort to practice the methods as an end in themselves rather than a means towards something else. His solution was to relax and only follow the methods in a more passive way and not use the mind and try and reach the result yourself. So rather than become an expert on concentration, mantra repetition or breath following but possibly in a tense way which blocks any changes, you passively carry them out in a relaxed way simply because they are doing something that’s good in itself. All meditation can be likened to sleep in this way, in order to become enlightened you cannot make it happen directly, any more than you can sleep at will, but create the best possible conditions for it to take place.

So overall all the different methods do not compete but go from the toughest and fullest regimes to the most passive and undemanding depending on what suits you as an individual.

 

The next barrier to enlightenment is the mind. I believe I have overcome my own doubts that enlightenment may not even exist, which would have stopped me progressing, as well as learning that we do not need to understand the process at all mentally for it to take place. Many teachers use complex technical and intellectual lectures which tend to do little more than confuse. Gangaji summed this up well. What they are doing is describing the world from an enlightened perspective which no one can understand until they are enlightened, as before then it means nothing. Telling you your pain and suffering is an illusion and you are never alone does not compute in duality and is pretty much superfluous information to give a student besides as an inspiration to what you may receive, but as that’s the experience of an enlightened teacher they tend to forget it is not universal and may do more harm than good when it does not chime with the students’ own experience. For me my only issue there was not believing enlightenment existed as a true state, as unless you find a master to give shaktipat and feeling a result, it is only a nebulous and unknown state almost impossible to imagine and not a lot easier to describe. I use ‘master’ in the sense of anyone who is enlightened, while not all teach when I use ‘teacher’ it does not guarantee they are also enlightened. My clearing came when a newly enlightened teacher came online and described his own feelings which were totally new to him and constantly changing as his enlightenment grew and sank in, and could at last relate to something which was indeed as good as what I had been hoping for and never described anywhere near as clearly and directly until that point. Until then I’d simply relied on the phrase ‘Whatever it’s like it’s better than now’, which meant I had something to aim for but not a clue what. Now I have a pretty good idea now and dare I say it may even have had fleeting moments when I may have spotted an element of it myself.

 

So the next point gained here is enlightenment is like a rebirth rather than a switch to a higher consciousness. This is because it is a new beginning where like a child you learn and grow but as an enlightened individual rather than within the illusion of duality. The shift isn’t from black to white but once enlightened you continue to evolve but in enlightenment. Louix Dor Dempriey, a shakti master in California describes enlightenment both as a shift and experience as the point where love takes over from fear. When your being is driven by more than 50% love or loses more of its fear to leave the love you cannot return to the fear. It is probably a fairly poetic and idealistic description but would certainly encourage me to find it. You can still learn once enlightened, take initiations and retreats and all the other methods used by students, as it continues to expand throughout life. Evolution appears to be infinitely built in all aspects of existence. Adyashanti describes it as returning to your natural state of conciousness from an altered state of the illusion of duality. There are in fact two stages towards enlightenment, as there is for many a transitional state of oneness before you get there. This is where you lose the boundary between you and outside, but there is still a you to experience it. True enlightenment or liberation only occurs when there is no illusion of a separate person to experience oneness, hence the Sanskrit ‘advaita’ – not two. That specifically does not refer to one as that leads to the idea I am one. Otherwise there is still an individual who is able to suffer. Some mistake oneness for enlightenment while others are happy to stop there and not go further.

 

There is also the kundalini explanation used by certain branches to describe the spiritual process and related changes involved. The life force within us all is normally restricted to perform survival alone, and the chakras along the meridian of the physical and associated energy bodies are solely carrying out their physical and emotional functions for that basic level. The yoga practices (as describe virtually all aimed towards enlightenment in that tradition) safely awaken the dormant power in the first chakra at the base of the spine, until once complete all seven are opened and with the final opening at the crown enlightenment occurs. The powers arrive with each chakra opening but are to be watched and passed by while on the journey to open them all otherwise you can get caught in one and not progress any further.

 

Knowing who is qualified or entitled to be a teacher is a tough question. There are two clear views here, either the conventional one that only an enlightened master is able to teach, and in the past many required many years under a master after enlightenment to allow it to settle and learn how to teach before being approved to yourself. As I pointed out, as it is impossible to show someone what it feels like to be enlightened it is also technically impossible to prove you are. Yet their masters claim to always know when a student is or not as they know exactly what to look for and will so far accept their better judgement.

The other view is anyone with the knowledge to teach and who can create results in students should be able to, and besides not being able to speak from the true state if you can still move people on then you are performing the function perfectly well. There are also many teachers who either became enlightened spontaneously or used so many methods they simply don’t know how they got there, so may be talking from the correct position but not have the theory to pass it on adequately. To me whatever works should be permitted- I am probably one of many students authorised to pass on at least one teacher’s work officially as he knows me well enough and I clearly get his work well enough to be trusted to spread the word and do work on his behalf in places he would be unable to cover additionally. I can always refer back to him if required and if uncertain would get him to fill the gap so not working alone anyhow. But there must be many teachers some of whom do not even realise they are not enlightened and I’d be interesting to know if their own results are any worse than those who definitely are.

 

I will try and explain what I have learnt now directly, and show the readers some methods (none my own as I am far from a master myself) that may point them in the right direction themselves. From my own enquiries enlightenment involves direct experience of our true nature. The exercise for this is for someone to ask you who you are, but you must answer before the mind comes in to answer with a name, a body or all the things we’ve learnt to associate with being a human individual. The direct answer before the mind and personal history comes in is ‘I am aware of this’, or variations of. You are only truly aware of your present experience and any more has to come from memory or external knowledge. If you look ahead or close your eyes can you see a body? No. You see whatever is in front of you or relative darkness. Where are you? Here. How old are you? No age, just now. Without a birth certificate reference or memories of years with numbers how do you know your age in years? Are you your name? Again, how can you have a name before you are given one? Or your job or profession. Are you doing it now? No. What are you doing now? Nothing- looking- feeling-  thinking. Who is doing this looking/feeling/thinking? No answer, if you eliminated the name, age, body etc already all you have is the awareness now of what the senses are providing with passing thoughts. That’s all there is and that’s all there ever was. Once this becomes apparent it is not so easy to slip back into the thought of duality unless you either choose to or stop reminding yourself every now and then before it becomes natural. This in itself is not enlightenment, but an exercise clearing the first blockage from it, the identity with the body and its associated history. But you are not your CV any more than the paper it is written on, you are just the awareness, as what is within that awareness changes the only thing that is constant so can be permanent is the awareness itself. So it pretty well covers the point of the illusion of ego, the separate self as a body-mind organism, as when you look directly it simply isn’t there. There is therefore no need to ‘destroy’ the ego as there was never one in the first place, which makes it a lot easier as a result.

 

The religious description of enlightenment is ‘God Realisation’, as it is equally impossible to experience God outside the individual’s awareness, enlightenment itself is called by many schools such as God is not a being outside us with a will of its own, but our own being once we become aware of it, as is all creation which we create while we are aware of it and which vanishes when we are asleep and not dreaming or unconscious. Some go as far as to say we can also create consciously, like waking up in a dream and becoming lucid. Yogananda and Sai Baba are the main current proponents of this view as is prevalent in and around India. In fact nearly all religions aim for enlightenment through their mystical branches, while Buddhism has this as its sole aim the mystical branches of Judaism- Cabala, Islam- Sufism and Christianity all teach the same thing but has ended up on the relative fringes. Jesus never set himself up as a special or superior being above others but said everyone could be as he was if they followed his path. He also demonstrated the siddhis or powers, and oneness is said to produce them as once we become aware we are all one we are then able to manipulate all around us as no longer separate. But you are taught not to linger or revel in this as it is the penultimate stage and not the end in itself. Buddhism in particular emphasised the long time it took for most to become enlightened, and as such used reincarnation as an explanation to continue the process over as many lifetimes as were needed. Liberation was therefore both from karma and reincarnation itself, although the bodhisattvas postponed their final enlightenment in order to stay here and teach.

 

I am in very little doubt this is a clear state we are all equally able to reach. The fact many teachers know the exact time and date it happened to them tells me there is a line which is crossed and can only trust the teachings of millennia that it is indeed genuine despite only affecting a relative handful of people and impossible to prove to outsiders. I have used the clues I have picked up over time to maintain my own trust and I like all hope one day as I continue to practice will know directly myself.

Going with the flow

I started today with not a single plan. I didn't need it as two work bookings materialised soon after, and filled the gaps with the TV and tidying the house in preparation beforehand. I've got tomorrow covered by family duties so no need to think there either, and still covering the spiritual teachings online as they are really the only way to get where I need to in life, the rest is just keeping busy until then as I've pretty well realised you can't find it in the real world.
Meanwhile I hear (aren't rumours wonderful?) the Wikileaks UFO revelation will be the downed craft and crew in the 70s. If so then the attention will leave Wikileaks, realise the truth and then realise what total arseholes governments are for hiding this and presumably every other story they knew about for ages. I found the other day all US energy patents for more efficient generators are instantly made secret by law, so the very fact they openly remove anything which would improve our quality of life proves already what they think of the people they are supposed to serve.

To remind myself more than anything my current understanding is on the enlightenment front is:
1) Before we think who we are, that is what we actually are. If for example, you wake up disoriented and take a few seconds before you remember who and where you are, that is the real you before the human added identity comes in. Basically it's awareness.

2) As my awareness is the same as your awareness/everyone's awareness it is quite possible it is the same awareness. Not the same AS yours but the only one there is.

3) However many methods you use or theories you hear most are a part of a whole picture. They are aspects rather than the sole qualities or there would be a different version of enlightenment for each teacher. I don't believe a single teacher is guaranteed to produce results from anyone (from personal experience) and better to take what you need and add it from each. The actual result is more down to persistence and chance than following any single method, most people who have don't seem to have got anywhere while their teachers nearly all have either moved from teacher to teacher or awakened on their own.

4) All I currently know is enlightenment is the level of consciousness directly above this one. It loses any identity with an individual and as such is infinite in its awareness. There are too many people claiming the same thing to all be inventing it.

There are many more small points, most of which I've mentioned before, but to me it seems maybe it'll all fall into place one day like a puzzle rather than see a bit change here and there. I actually find I feel closer to it when talking about it to others (as one teacher recommends) as it's the same as Jesus saying when two or more people join to talk about me they shall become closer to me. I share everything I know by nature, so whatever I know I tell people about. When I was a teacher I even got paid for it, until six years of the identical routine became too much and stuck to private pupils till the demand ran out. I could teach survival methods now, as I do in my articles, and would like to lecture in them as well but it's not really an academic area or one where ordinary people would be that interested. And enlightenment transcends all lower issues so better to look there than the details of specific problems. My mind still can't quite understand it, as it wasn't designed to. Enlightenment can only be understood after the event so only removing concepts from it can help rather than adding any. I am an individual person is the main one to go, I can see that very clearly now but it's only stage one.

Reincarnation is not for me

I talk about me needing an IQ test to try and get in Mensa but the whole world has continued to fail theirs, as the latest report this week claims '2010 hottest year ever'. Yes, of course, and I've got the biggest dick in my house and next door. As there are no other men there. But I was telling the truth, they have taken a single report from GISS, America's version of 1984's Big Brother (good is bad and bad is good etc), while even the UK Met. Office are currently struggling to get their own data to look the same. But it's a lie. Since records began is a little closer, but the actual part they left out is 'since satellite records began'. That is 1979, half way through nature's cyclical warming phase after a small ice age so every few years and every decade will indeed be the warmest if you're on a warming curve. Were it true. In fact virtually every site uses their own data and none of it actually agrees. It's not science, it's fixing the system as most people don't believe it's possible and fewer still can be arsed to check. Nothing more needs doing to demonstrate those involved in creating global warming are no different from the Kray twins as they are indeed killing old people from hypothermia as they can't afford the energy taxes, and third world farmers starving since their land was taken for biofuel. It's not a simple con as people are having their lives ruined directly.

Back to my world, I wrote about energy phases, and the next night I played and won my hourly guess the word game, and the next one. Only one person's ever got three and wondered if I could be the second, and did, and although it was bedtime had to stay up an hour just in case, and indeed I won the fourth as well. The energy was open and allowed me to be in my own dimension where I was the only person playing for that period. I'll be surprised if anyone gets four in a row again, it's possible but however long we've been playing (this year maybe?) it's been on every single hour and unless I missed a scoreboard don't think it's happened before. I got the photo printed with the old sign and as it was a proper darkroom print was as clear as the original unlike my scan, so in perfect focus thank goodness albeit small and no legible writing. But it is a proper photo and not a blurry mess like the compute attempt thank goodness.

Now it gets dark at 4 half the week I can't get out in time to take photos, and short of visiting the local friends who don't exist have gone home and extended the radio/TV/computer time by a few hours. Three people who arrived on Friends Reunited all ignored my messages, one as I dumped her is entitled to, one should know better and the third, although wouldn't remember me from 1965 could have made an effort. The only chore done last week was fixing my camera, the cemetery also closes too early to get to easily and do the job before getting shut in (besides not having the internet it may not be that different though...) but went to the museum at last and kept fairly busy. I haven't a clue what the week ahead holds, let alone tomorrow. And whatever methods I've been shown they don't work easily. Do any? I do have two prizes now which have made all the difference, but made me realise there are three types of achievement, those that are nice but don't change your life at all, those which only change your life when relevant, like having a new qualification but only benefit when using it, and those which shift you entirely like getting married. Sadly almost none of the prizes I've had for ages do anything to change my life, the best being I no longer need to worry about finding an old red triangle sign which was going to be a problem as the next closest were 60-70 miles away. There are a matching pair in the backwoods I don't have now but can't see myself doing a journey I once would have without thinking. The current car's only for town use really and I'm 20 years older.

So it's time life cheated and allowed me to gain with no pain. I expect many people in my position would have cracked in the past while others wouldn't have noticed, I'm probably around the middle as although I've coped somehow I have suffered enough for what I'd consider a lifetime. I'd see enlightenment as the only escape as until then we are part of the illusion of good and bad and are raised or lowered constantly as a result. I'm certainly prepared to leave that ride as the highs don't outweigh or compensate for the lows and it's not really shown itself as adequate for me at least. Telling a teenager success is round the corner and just needs effort and patience, but at 50? The business side is long covered as that's within all our scope, and fixed the majority of that in the 80s. But pleasure? I expect the Buddha realised very quickly that it was so hard to choose that he decided to find a way to bypass the whole system. As it worked for so few people they added reincarnation as an excuse to string it out for thousands of years, but I'm only interested in this lifetime thank you.

Backwards and forwards

Before I carry on I've seen another little synchronicity today, they all count if the odds are long enough rather than the actual content. I always call LBC radio with news stories as they were the only place (Clive Bull anyway) where you could decide what to talk about. Recently Clive has been apparently setting an agenda so left a couple of messages asking if I could call about the IPCC admission they are after all an economic redistribution centre and not environmental. Like we needed telling. I'll personalise that, like I needed telling- we did need telling as those who accept they are doing a necessary job somehow can't see that huge taxes and carbon trading do nothing but that very action. I turned on and what's he talking about? CO2 reduction! They must mention climate less than once a month and the night I'm determined to spread a story no known media have touched with your cock let alone their own it was my duty (who else offered?) to break it. I covered that plus the fact that doubling CO2 gives a paper rise of 1C, the rest is down to unknown feedback which may either not exist or actually be negative as the natural sinks may well prevent any imbalance over time.

Other than that now I've got the chores out of the way I'm still free- a month now and used it pretty well. Getting dark at 4 means besides a bit of late shopping I get in and stay in. I visit my parents (separate sides of London) at weekends and often have the ex over once in the week, and the rest is up to me. I've written three articles so far and suspect one from the remaining two alive will be used, doubling my total if so. Of course the more you are out there the greater the chances of being spotted and asked for more. Being down to chores after filming last week then I've got the gravestone duty, eye test and car service remaining. None urgent but all need doing. I also sent three new Friends Reunited messages last week- an ex I dumped, a friend of a friend and someone from nursery school. One I can understand blowing me out to return the compliment, one as we'd last have met at five (didn't stop Gary whose parents still live round the corner after 50 years) and the other was a bit of a bitch anyway so we never really got on, but as her very nice sister wasn't there I wrote to her instead. Like she'd work that out. Her sister got a boyfriend when I was about to make my first move decades ago so I quietly left the scene.

I did of course get the very blurred picture of the sign on my corner at last last week, the only extra in a well planned system. Two new tour videos and lots of other photos. I wore myself out in only an hour cutting the bushes in my late grandma's and scanned in loads of other negatives which showed a small percentage of all had never been printed by the chemists. I'd never seen any before and will be getting them all printed soon. Socially I am trying to rekindle old names as much as current as what's current has more or less dried up and reached a limit. I haven't got round to any of the few phone calls not of a business nature but probably start this week in case they think I don't want to talk to them, but unfortunately with many having to come out to each as an agoraphobic before we make any arrangements makes it into more of a chore than a pleasure. If you can't do most things they can there's no point keeping quiet as once you've turned down every offer they either think you don't want to see them or work it out anyway. I told one who said she didn't mind but wasn't into sex (any level whatsoever) so no fucking use there, whichever way you say it. Unfortunately she's also the most attractive by far although lacks proportionally in the mental department. Not attractive and single for nothing of course. The others are very average and fairly old (although doesn't look it) and above average but peculiar. They're both divorced and one moved too far to bother travelling to (bearing in mind my issues) and doesn't drive herself. We went out for a couple of weeks already and only argued half the time as she is well known for. So I keep looking up old people from the past who aren't faulty in some way, or weren't in 1965 or 1980 at least.

I don't know if I'll ever 'make it' in any of the ways I'd like- in fact I'd made it living at home besides not being able to keep a decent girlfriend, I was qualified, had a decent job and just needed a woman to complete the picture. Then I had to move as it wasn't my own house, then lost my job, then lost my best friend abroad and pretty well unmade it as a result. I have however added a new method to the system from the video of Louix Dor Dempriey, of speaking to God directly and finding it directly that way. Don't work alone, ask the boss. Strangely that is the first thing since meditation that seems to cause a shift of any sort within me, however vague or subtle, that tells me he probably knows what he's talking about. Unlike much of the pretty technical and heartless teaching I've mainly come across, his message God is love and you can have it all is what I always imagined enlightenment to be, not this crap that you aren't real however accurate that may be. But simply looking and seeing all there is is awareness plus what is within that, but no individual behind it (direct experience, it's true) is pretty much noticing the obvious to me and doesn't cause any realisation beyond a technical discovery my personality is no more than retrieving data from a disk when required. I here and now am not the disk, I use it to remember things when I need to and the rest of the time I am gone. Thoughts and sense input passes by but no person there to witness them, just the senses and thoughts within the awareness. Big bloody deal. No peace and love being aware of that, I am aware of that, so what?

So maybe the fact I can disappear (I was never here at all, the illusion disappears) means I've got the first step to enlightenment but it's made no difference here. Talking to God may do, as we are designed to feel good and bad and know which is which. Enlightenment has to be about feeling good, no person there to feel it but all can tell which is which with no subject to do so, there's crap is a genuine observation and with or without an illusory me it's still crap. Louix appears however to have the simple key to unlock the real blockage to our growth of consciousness.

Progress is made

Rather than draw my own conclusions I'll present a summary of my experience and see what you think. My photo collection of old road signs has been going 2 1/2 years now, and around this year as any enthusiast would I've been dreaming about them. But then soon after I had one the same type would turn up, and it became from simple wish fulfilment to prediction. Then the already reported incident of seeing an exact sign (complete with missing end) which was then seen intact in a book of old photos and then in reality exactly as I saw it, but in a different location. So when I had two dreams within a few days just with the elusive graphic red triangle sign, only known 80 miles away, I expected it to deliver as till then they all had since the first one did. I didn't have to wait long, a couple of weeks or so, before one turned up 15-20 miles away, exactly the same as the three scattered around in the literal middle of nowhere and not worth even my effort as a collector.

I now believe I have crossed whatever barrier of connection with everything else, as synchronicities have happened in waking life for some time as well, including the story of finding three signs on the way to just one. I'm no different though- life's ups and downs still take me with them and don't feel anything has changed, but I know the world has something about it that isn't random and it can see and think and direct. But I was expecting the final dreams to deliver and despite the extreme rarity of the signs compared to the others I'd been shown it still performed exactly as hoped. I'm always being accused of not working hard enough for my progress, but if that means deliberately suffering when it's probably not required to do so then that's just commonsense. I already drove to Brighton at 7am to start the first stage of my meditation course after various long assessments in London, that was way beyond my preference but the goal was more important. And when I finished the course I did my hour a day or more for over 2 years, only tailing off when the results were too rare and when they did happen only lasted a few minutes. I gave it a fair run and didn't stop, just ran out of motivation.

But the point is there's no requirement to suffer to grow. As I say to my students it's not the hours you put in but the quality. With practice you're not studying so is different, but there it's more about finding a decent method and sticking with it, but no connection to anything having to be demanding to work. As my teacher says, it's simple to do but hard to keep doing. So the quality element there is not taking on something beyond you to overcome but not slipping out of practice. And many can be enjoyable as well, quite the opposite. So having narrowed down the two methods for me, the passive meditation hours and the active awareness you can do any time I just get on with it. Plus listening to as many talks online as I can (I did plenty in reality as well so just recharging the batteries with it) and can only keep going regardless and see what happens. For me it's not been feeling I'm connected with everything (not enlightenment but the stage before it) but knowing it from events. That's the first stage before all the others, so my progress is being indicated from outside rather than inside. Of course ultimately there should be no difference but so far I'm still me and suffering as before.

Presumably I must have done something to get to this level regardless. And why anyone should think you have to suffer as a means to avoid suffering seems a bit contrary to the intention. I think the outside/inside world is different now, and it's clearly always been the same for me and everyone, but doesn't come into action presumably until we can get what's happening and appreciate it. I'm sure some people would be freaked out and even imagine they were losing it when they were so tuned in they could dream the future and be shown things they'd never seen before. I've been doing clairvoyance for nearly 20 years so expect to get it right myself, and would be disappointed if I didn't. Like free energy devices we don't need to know how they work or intuition to use them. The same as our body, that gets on and takes care of itself, doctors know how most of it works but the users of anything don't need to know how to build them or how they work.

I only hope now whatever's guiding things both continues and extends to every other area in my life, it certainly needs it. And then I have some say in each area. But I think the first step has been taken.

A journey to enlightenment

I will see what occurs here today, whether the message seems to be guided or just my usual bollocks. I am discussing enlightenment on Facebook and seems to show that besides actually reflect and confirm your own enlightened state the teachings should work whoever's teaching them. If someone said 'do this and that and something might happen' and it did, I wouldn't even have known or cared whether they were enlightened as long as it worked. Plus many who are don't know how it happened but are moved to teach anyhow. I've learnt for my own benefit and narrowed it down to what I'd call the tough or basic practises, only different in their speed of effect. Like any other if you spend half a day or more in some form of meditation it does add up. Unlike physical exercise meditation is not tiring so can keep it up indefinitely in different forms during the day, it will drive most people potty so only for the very strong, but seen the results online myself.
Otherwise you simply focus on the moment and keep that up as much as possible. It won't push as directly as the specific mantras and chakra work but won't interrupt most of your normal life either. The teaching is simple, the dialogue appears more to be answering individual questions. I've asked many and heard most, and the answers are always similar whoever is asked. It's like doing a degree so once you are familiar enough you can pass the exam, but this isn't theory but practice, you change your awareness, you notice something in a new way that tells you you are not the limited body you thought you were. All on trust. The master explains they are enlightened, individual ones describe what it's like then and currently, and it corresponds. Why make it up? Buddha is unlikely to have made it up and every buddha since both would have a job doing so, and others claim they can easily tell if someone is or not when they are enlightened themselves.

So if you're dealing with the mind, which is the main if not sole blockage to enlightenment, I can probably deal with them. And if most people want to know the usual set of queries, I have sourced them from the masters already, often directly. I'd never offer myself as a teacher but if asked am happy to do what I can. I genuinely have never experienced anything I'd claim was close to enlightenment as you often get small clues along the way, so it's a complete mystery to me so far. But the synchronicity itself means you're in the flow and is the first sign so it's not just feelings that indicate a change but your outer life. I am also more and more aware how everything is connected as I keep seeing it, and not just me but many people around me see it as well, often since I pointed it out for them the first time. In the end you can see every aspect of out there being connected and finally manipulate it to your own preferences. Once you've enjoyed that you then don't need to and just accept everything as it is.

Now my ego may enjoy teaching but then again who moves my ego? If you are moved to do something negative then it has to be your ego, but when moved to help others then the fact you like doing it is the motivation to get you out there and do more and more. The fact you may get some pride or satisfaction for it is a good thing, not a reason to claim a false source.

Current progress

Following the previous entry, I quickly realised if I can instantly drop my attachment to global warming as it wasn't helping me any more I could do that for everything else that I didn't like. Just decide I don't want anything to do with it and turn my back. The bonus was I didn't need to stop talking about global warming, but when I do now I couldn't care less. If I can do it at all I can do it full stop. The long list of things and people that piss me off was probably typical for most people, but unneccessary. I did know that we should ignore all acts of those less honest or intelligent as besides being part of the spread of humanity also means at least we know we aren't doing that ourselves. That includes people driving while on the phone, the whole Labour party, and everyone in my life who isn't doing things that fit with my own situation. It's about getting a key, and in this case it was one which opened a general situation rather than a specific one.

I also suspect my meditation was being blocked by such issues as all resistance tenses the body and blocks the energy flow as a result. The same practises should flow a lot more easily when the issues no longer cause contractions so the subject becomes more receptive to the same power.
Back in the practical world it's a fairly quiet period in actual activities- I managed to get to Paddington to get a set of old Paddington council signs (pre-1965) outside the congestion times, and got quite a bit of work done during the week- my mum's garden which I do regularly and taking someone round the supermarket. The car is back and just have to claim back my own costs from the other side who haven't even given the insurance company the form yet. As they need to to get their own damage repaired it can't be spun out much longer though.

So besides having my teeth cleaned on Tuesday haven't any other plans as yet, but am at least seeing more connections around me as I realise I can tune into far more and get it right without having to question the evidence. I doubt I was given the desire to ascend consciousness without the ability to do so. It's nice not having to play trivia quizzes every hour now, as the mixed game ended at the end of the month, having played exactly 13 times a day despite the odd computer freeze and time out of the house. And came 10th from many hundreds of regular players which was pretty impressive for a first attempt. The badge was top 10, then top 10 of new winners in the top 30, and finally just top 10 new winners which I think will mean people way down will get it and look as if they are good enough to against the top players which isn't really fair. If you're not good enough then you shouldn't get it really but by coming 10th in both I tried also meant I'd have even got it under the first rules which I never really expected.

So I'm back on Streetview, the orange highlighter covers the roads as I've seen them, but at least two signs were either missed as invisible or I overlooked them so can't rely on it totally. But while there are roads I haven't checked I will plough on as they keep turning up sooner or later. If I ever get a complete graphic with a red triangle my work is done, I have a few with circles which are even rarer but you can't leave holes in collections unless not possible. The rest of the week is mine so far, one booking Wednesday possibly followed by my usual visitor, a couple of jobs to book at my grandma's old house and otherwise no idea.

Global warming won the election

The viewing figures are down, is it me or the fact I rarely comment elsewhere for various reasons already mentioned? But life goes on, the blog goes on being free so the two will always combine given those two conditions.
I've done pretty well so far, and slightly stretched my capabilities (since they became limited) and drove an hour south for a road sign last night which turned up online during the week. Being on a dual carriageway it was a lot further than the longer ones I've done that weren't so far in the suburbs, so glad I made it. I used to do over 400 miles in a day without a second thought if required but people change as well as requirements, and have no reasons to do that now even if I could.

Minor plans ahead include a trip to the rubbish tip for a friend (a regular equivalent of a party or funeral), meeting a couple of people from Flickr to either deliver or view photos, and what I'd call my freedom otherwise. I still suspect the universal connection between everything directs much of what I say now, and even when I feel I shouldn't have come out with a few shockers which although were the right things to say opened me up to the elements, ie hooligans who could easily exploit it. I just can't shutup however much I have now decided to for my own safety. No one appears to listen to my case against global warming either, people either get it or not, and the ones who don't appear to believe something technically impossible is as genuine as the aliens making crop circles. Or something like that. It shows the basic gullibility and stupidity of too many people and makes me embarrassed to be part of humanity if so many need to grow and develop. Patronising as that sounds I have to live with the fuckers and their dangerous actions and prefer to be free of false taxes and genocidal policies.

Now I've been made aware of connections I'm able to see them more often, and understand how they work. It's not just me, they are the same for everyone and if aware they exist will happen more for you as well. I've seen photos of old signs I'd never seen before and then either found real ones or another within days and that's on top of dreaming about many before the real ones arrived. I've got sign success from it so far, and a basic awareness all things are linked, which is a start but nowhere near a finish. I now see enlightenment as a shift in consciousness and while some see it and reject it others prefer it and stay there. It almost seems now that although I can't conceive it any more than a blind person can imagine a colour, I may be on the edge and ready to fall over the side and find myself there. I also suspect my ego had to be tamed first so I didn't bore the world with it if it happened, which I won't now. If it happens I won't even mention it unless asked as it's something most people wouldn't have a clue about. You can't be let to abuse any power and I see it happening all around me.

But I currently feel I don't have enough power over my own life rather than want it over anyone else. I can't get myself published, on proper TV or even friends I can see locally any more, let alone become enlightened. I could really do with someone else to share this path rather than just report it from time to time and get random comments. No one local I've found on Facebook wanted to see me as clearly have enough friends, but you can't have too many. They haven't learnt that yet though. I may even be growing spiritually but would prefer to enjoy it all a bit more. It has its moments but so much nonsense with islands of relief. I really must deserve more, everyone does really.

Spiritual development update

If everything really does make sense then maybe I have cracked it. If everything is connected then it isn't a theory it is all one, but explains what I see happening already. If we're connected of course hearing something I'm reading or saying at the same time would happen as it's all me so my thoughts and their thoughts are linked up. And ultimately there is no other as it's really just one, and when I'm ready for this revelation then it will come. And the way it's put together even those who have realised this can still teach others even though they realise there are no others, but you deal with that when you get there.

I reckon some of the things that wind me up are sent to make me find ways to stop them doing so, some are dealt with and others aren't, but any I think is a miracle after growing the seeds for 50 years. I react to everything and way more than other people within my areas of sensitivity. That's genetic and handling anxiety at levels where the whole body can reach the point of failure is a tall order for anyone. Unfortunately when you've had a sample of the worst really happening it no longer seems irrational to react as if more is on its way. We can be blamed when we know we are wrong and carry on but not for automatic reactions as we didn't create them. There's no choice how you feel or think, only what you do with the thoughts, ie reject or accept them.

So far I've done pretty well and it's only Tuesday- on Sunday I was thinking although Streetview's opened up loads more old signs because the direction ones were nearly all by junctions I doubted I'd find any more, and noticed I had just one black (rural) panel while the others were all blue. At bedtime I decided to do my weekly or so check and another direction came up 15 miles north on probably the only road I hadn't checked in the area when I drove round there as it wasn't yet on Streetview, and a black panel. How about that? There's more connection as for whatever reason that complete scenario came to me a few hours before it became real. It has green algae all over it so brought soapy water and cleaned it off before I took the photo of it. Work today, just the one although two were expected, which was how I preferred it (money? who needs money?...) and delivered my 4th lot of election leaflets in the warm sun instead. More work tomorrow and going to my mum's so that's covered and Thursday can look after itself.

My next official request/prayer is for nasties not to interrupt my peace as they so often do, including the ones that happen and the ones that may happen. Regardless of my extreme reactions (magnified by being on my own) why should I be bothered with this crap especially if it's all my own creation? I'll just uncreate it in that case with the help of any powers that be. Sometimes I wonder if people destined for awakening are given more stress as it puts them off the real world and forces us to search outside it. If you're happy with everything as it is who'd want more?

We are all God

I've surprised myself how creative I've been the last week. Despite only one outdoor photo trip (12,000 makes it hard to find more without travelling) I've made a number of music videos, which improve as I go along, and written another article. And free ahead which is a great relief as well. An old sign just came up in Homerton, a stone's throw from two more I got last year and a right pain to get to but ought to do it. And if anyone from Laura's posse (or Laura yourself) is reading, thanks for adding me, I've been reading some of your stuff and an honour to be included.

I have just read an article on the nature of God, from one who has experienced it. It explains it all. As part of God, then of course we can create everything, as we are the same thing. Did God cheat by choosing how the world was created, assuming that's how it happened? If not then I'm not cheating by rearranging my environment- why take worse when you can have better? I haven't finished the article yet but with out of body experiences you instantly lose body association and are all you observe. You can expand to infinity and experience everyone at once as she did, I've heard of people experiencing this on smaller scales but this woman got the lot. Why so few of us have experienced this is still a mystery as if it's not destined to wreck our and other people's lives by having such knowledge then why do so few people get it? And it's not just people who want it that don't get it, when it happens it often does to people randomly (although there may be a purpose), and enhances every one of their lives permanently. How can you worry about dying when you've seen you carry on elsewhere?

It hasn't touched me yet, I've been working on such an experience for 13 years but barely scratched the surface of meditation experiences. As for any lasting that is really the final stages, till then even the biggest stuff rises and dies. The final state of enlightenment is a constant, and even a glimpse of it (nowhere near myself) is no more than a step. My only step is shifting from doubt to acceptance, once Sage Amrit, a 20 year old Cockney ex drug addict, described it so clearly I got the concept. He's on Youtube if anyone wants to see more, ignore the rough exterior, this guy knows his stuff and I can compare 100 much older and wiser who don't come close to him.

So taking on my role of creator I'd like a woman pretty soon whatever else happens, and until and unless my own enlightenment (many thousands aim, hundreds reach it) would also like to locate a few lost road signs near me this week, get an article published and get on proper TV. I'm some of the way to most of these (except women, that's a yes or no situation, like pregnancy), although the signs are apparently lost forever. But miracles involve going beyond the norm and everything I've mentioned has been in that realm.

The wrong sort of shit

A bit of spiritual stuff today, as the signs have been out. The energy when certain things, good or bad, can happen whatever you do is a phenomenon I know well and science is unaware of. The fact most of what happens isn't yet known by science doesn't stop it being real though.
I play a guess the word game every hour I can with about 100 other people, and have been about top 5 since it started this year. I had some near misses since the weekend and was overtaken and finally won again today, and before you see the other guesses you have a single blind guess first with just two letters and nobody else's words to help you. I checked the 45 minute reveal and saw I'd won that as well straight after the other. I do believe it opened up the winning energy and was tuned in for that time so I could do it again. How many other things can I do in the same way I wonder?
That leads me to the presensing of wins as well. Many times when I've played tough to win quizzes I've come second a few times within a day or so before winning. Once you get close you feel you can do it and normally do very soon after. Now if that applies to every goal then maybe I sense I'm close to enlightenment. Most people on the path get signs and improvements along the way that show them but I've never had anything obvious. But besides seeming to get it now (13 years of teaching and I bloody well should) sometimes when I practise I notice a peace and calm way beyond before, even if just for a few seconds. It's so far a physical phenomenon probably more like meditation which I've done just as long, but feels a bit different. The understanding side only applies to our enthusiasm to practise, as if we understand and believe in it then we're more likely to keep going. I know I'm doing the right thing and seen the same teachings from most of them although there is the quick path which involves complex work most of the day. As the guru says only a handful of people are on it, some are enlightened and very quickly (within months) but I have more other things to do as well and can still make it if I'm going to the usual way.

I've been pretty busy since the last entry, done a couple of music videos and another article written soon after the last came out. As I am aware of the action is the push and the result is the pull. We can only push the car of the project to get it moving, and then hope someone else picks it up and pulls it towards success. And as some teachers say the same after I worked it out myself I don't think I've got that wrong. If this guy at the gym and some others really think they can decide they want something and get it either we've all missed something or they're imagining it. Maybe I have missed a link here but not aware of any.

So I'm making starts continually, some die on the vine and others grow buds but no flowers. But each is the proverbial seed and even the bible explained it's not the seed that causes the success but the ground it goes on. And I'm often planting mine in the wrong sort of shit apparently...

Hoping for more

I've been reading a lot of spiritual stuff recently, and am now seeing how the yawning gaps between apparently guided events are still part of the same guidance. I'm definitely connected to what are usually called the Akashic Records, the pool of everything we can all tune in to like using the internet without the computer. Today I went on Google Streetview, had an area to check, and went straight to another old direction sign, only the second one I've found by random (as opposed to informed) searching. Because of the congestion charge, which although set for reduction from the enlarged zone maybe when pigs fly, it was not absent today or in a year ahead, so will have to go at night.

Since the last one it's been business mainly, had to be done and gone smoothly so can't complain however boring it's been. Like working I think, if I can remember that far back. So at least I have the next day or two sorted out, if the sign's still there I'll be a happy man and not worry about doing too much on that front for a while. I'll be free to do all the housework and gardening I don't do when I'm out taking photos. I made a video on Saturday but there's a glitch for a few seconds that stops it working and means Youtube can't upload it, which is a shame as it wasn't one on my doorstep. I'll probably have to make a new counter for here since Blogger removed the numbers and now it's stopped counting. 26378 I think and that's in a couple of years or so. Because of Streetviewing taking priority I haven't had time for reading many blogs, especially as so few are still there I did read. It takes far longer finding active ones than reading ones on the list.
I've had no more replies on signs from any council, and the radiation story died a death, which didn't really surprise me as the evidence had mainly decayed within a couple of weeks.

So I am just watching what happens at the moment, as if nothing is really guided or connected then it would mean that's even stranger than the idea it is, as otherwise how would everything come together so frequently? You can't dismiss the experience of your own life, and when things are apparently random then start working as if written by someone the difference is drastic. I could still do with a bit more, as during the gaps it is just as bad as before, and would need a way of finding how those parts are just as much part of it, as the Celestine Prophecy says. The fact I think of the numerous things which aren't here does make me wonder that if things are guided, how can they be beyond finding old signs and getting my grandma's estate sorted out smoothly. It's a start but can't base your whole life on it. The enlightenment described in the book and others (although one teacher is now denying it exists) seems like my ultimate goal, as those who are happy as things are have no interest in it. The only material thing I really need is a woman, the very thing lacking for nearly all my life. Then friends and family, and then everything else. But once you wonder if there is more you only want something beyond the known and the book contains most of that.

I'd hate to think all this was going nowhere. There are givens, my own clairvoyance and intuition, and the way at least some complex events have guided me to signs I'd probably never have found otherwise. But as the book said, once we realise things are not as taught in school then if one event can be fixed by other forces then they all can. A miracle covers all beyond science, and if it happens once it's real, even if you never come across it again. That is not hope but reality, and should only gain hope from extending known reality, or as the teacher said, you end with hopeless.

Multiple dimensional control

It's a nice free week again, sod all in the way of constructive ideas but have got some chores done as little in the way of distractions. I have realised how one thing that would make me very happy is to have even one person who's treated me like shit in the past to realise the error of their ways and apologise. I still feel guilty for all the times I've done it to people and wonder if many who've done it for me still think they were right. I know if I've deserved anything and these were just nasty. I also fantasise about what I'd like to happen besides that when it's quiet, and includes discovering old friends, more rare road signs, getting replies from long dead messages, and getting the real data on global warming out of the shadows. Some may happen sooner or later and others are daydreams. We all have them though and do show how little say we have in what happens, whatever we think we can do about it.

Nothing in the way of plans besides some work next week, and the new three step version of my original active meditation. This moves you beyond the immediate awareness and then tries to dissolve any blockages to what lies behind it. It gets you deeper to start with and then a way to clear the path altogether (if it works). As a natural teacher even though I'm just doing this for me if I found it worked I'd probably be the first to want to tell everyone. The main reason is I've been listening to the teaching for 12 years and most complicate it so much they dig people in even deeper a lot of the time. And anything that works for me will work I am certain.

Another interesting phenomenon I've come across and tested is seeing something coming just before you get it. Technically if you play golf with a blindfold you'll just keep hitting the ground and never know where the hole is, let alone hit the ball in it. But when I've taken a quiz and nearly won was often when I was just about to win the next one. Heads and tails, same odds each throw but it happened. And then when you want to find something and just guess somewhere you've just thought of is the likely route. There is some logic there but only a little. I was checking names from school again and thought I must get close to one on my list on this search and soon after one turned up. Having searched for 9 years very few new ones pop up now, and there they were right after I guessed I was on the right track. And maybe the same applies to enlightenment. You suddenly realise you're on the right track just before you find it. And women and anything else for that matter, you often seem to be able to tell just before it happens like when I went to my friend's house a couple of time when his sister had friends over. Having a friend's sister's friends over wasn't an automatic passport to crumpet for me but at least one of these occasions sensed it was going to happen and it did.

I am ready for something decent to happen now. I may or may not deserve it or have put the effort in but either way I am. And miracles know no size or quantity, once the door is open all is as easy as one small one. I know what I'd like and possibly who. Anyone who's read The Secret knows it's not cheating and having had no control previously does not feel any worse for getting it with the control as if cheating. It's just working for something constructively if it's true. I've used it twice so far for some pretty big things but will wait till the list is a lot longer before I connect the cause and effect.

But if I could see anything good coming I'd get just one woman from the past who was ready and able for me, at least one apology from some total baskets who need a week on basket camp to learn their lessons, see a few heads roll where people have overstepped their authority, have a major name take up the cause to kill the lies of global warming, get me on terrestrial TV or a daily paper (got close so far but need to cross that line), get enough money to move where I used to live, catch up with some old friends I've lost track of, get one home from abroad, get a relative to pay back the money he stole from us, get the second last series of Grange Hill (the one that wasn't broadcast on TV) shown so I can see it at last, find the music from children's TV in the early 60s, find out what happened to the old roundabout sign I missed in Surrey, get another old red triangle sign, get the truth on ufos from whoever already knows it, find anything I'd lost in the house, and anything else I haven't thought of.

Of course we all have similar lists, but I believe there's no reason life can't actually be like this. I've also read about dimensional shifts and one example was losing something in plain view and then turning up later. This happens to me and people I know quite often, and the roundabout sign was an area I passed from time to time and only noticed once. Someone took a photo there a couple of days later and it wasn't there. The council had no record of removing it despite the location and date I saw it go. Unlike others it wasn't in a seedy back street but on a major dual carriageway thousands of people would pass daily. That's a mystery. I thought I'd got the place wrong but after many checks I couldn't have done. And I'd wake up tomorrow to find some people had gone, some people had arrived and many things were different. And if there are multiple universes that explains how my own can change so much without bothering anyone elses.

How intuition works

Firstly welcome to another Funtrivia style refugee who has taken her full talents where they will be appreciated. And I don't mean swearing either as I didn't when I started here but having to avoid certain subjects altogether. A time and a place for everything as Mary Poppins would say. When she's got it up the wrong 'un... Ha ha.

Anyway. After making a pun hardly anyone else will understand I will stop avoiding the fact that basically sod all has happened since my last visit. I've had some time clearing my grandma's house as expected with more to come (4 bedrooms and 3 floors). I've walked round one of Britain's most dangerous areas taking photos that often look like it would have 100 years ago and earlier, and didn't go into see Ray Davies performing outdoors as it was flooded although still on an hour late. Outdoors is good but not underwater, I wasn't dressed for that as dry when I left home earlier.
My plans are even less interesting than the previous week. My achievements of late were both useful and essential but besides being able to have almost a complete sign collection in 2009, 46 years after the last were made, I still have empty freedom and at least started meditating again which always follows lack of alternatives although should still take priority.

So to digress my friend who introduced me to enlightenment became cynical although I personally listen to as many teachers as I can and concluded it can happen, and he then said I should now teach even though I'm not enlightened. If I tested myself to see if I could make it happen maybe I would but I can't even recognise it in others so not much of a teacher there. And as I follow all I know to make it happen with probably no results how do I know the power of what I'm teaching besides parroting what the rest say? I was shown a guided meditation online which had shown a flash of reality by asking what and who I am before the thoughts etc come in. The answer of course is nothing besides awareness. The rest is learnt and added to our identity after we are taught our name is who we are rather than a way to be identified by others. We don't need it ourselves as we never lose ourselves. Male and female are similar, they are aspects of our body we only become aware of when pointed out (literally) and unless we do look down we wouldn't be certain from inside.

So direct experience is the only way we can work on ourselves. The teaching strips away concepts and doubts by explaining what's going on, to leave the channels freer to let the methods work. The energy transfers a few teachers do remove the blockage in one go but they are few and far between and a bit of a luxury for most students. But without that I'll have to use my own direct experience of what is before my mind can name it.

I think the other examples of guidance before the road signs were the negative ones which stopped me suffering but didn't add anything. This was when I had a lousy arrangement and was cancelled the day before or so so I didn't have to be there. But if things can be arranged and regularly now they are not limited to any area. So my other aims have to be followed as well as the signs are near used up and unlike fame or a woman don't change my life actively. I do however want the psychic powers and/or enlightenment, partly as having a few already and lost the best one seeing auras know how much better life is with more than before. Superpowers are in every kid's story and most grow out of it, except mine was told by Uri Geller who claimed to be real. That was all I needed and I've been following it ever since with at least partial results.
Unlike enlightenment they needed no effort, my teacher got us to open our chakras (just feel they are) and go right ahead. No telling us how except with the tree auras, just do it. My intuition about people now means I am one of the few who mistrusts Barack Obama, knows Gordon Brown is working for someone else, as is Al Gore but at a much higher level. He is close to the top and has more influence than probably any other person alive, followed by Rupert Murdoch who is from the same mould but independent.

The trouble with intuition is even though these guys show others after the event I can't prove it before. Obama took a few weeks before making CO2 a pollutant which shows he was put up to win to continue the agenda in the USA after Bush refused to. He was there to make wars not to rob the public and lie to them, whatever you thought of him. And really Iraq is their problem not ours, although it adds to all our taxes we are unaware of any changes here from what's happening there, as with Afghanistan which is a stinking hole of criminals and deserves all it gets from what I've read about the drug barons who still run the country whatever we're meant to be doing there. Other areas I pick up include many laws which are there to keep the best for the elite rather than stop anything bad happening. That's about power and keeping it at the top. Obviously immoral laws that we all know now like making money from tobacco and alcohol which do no favours for anyone who actually uses them, the well recorded levels of crime in illegal and dubious immigrants (just reported this weekend, 5 times worse per person than home grown, as if that was a surprise to anyone), the fact black, blind, deaf, spastic, crippled and all other named people that have been renamed by the fully able white wankers at Camden Council despite hardly any of the supposed victims wanting their well understood labels to be changed, and every other issue and person that's blindingly obviously wrong (or sometimes right) to me but I can't bloody well prove it yet. Global warming is an interesting exception as I felt very uncertain after it didn't correspond with my reality and used propaganda methods drawn up by the SS. The truth about it is all over magazines and the internet but all media people listen to are threatened to mention the party line on whatever penalties are threatened.

The Daily Mail managed to do the opposite (although unlike the Australian left out most of the relevant data as their readers probably would have turned the page) but are absolutely right and the BBC and other government arms have not decided to report the fact none of the scare stories they tell us are true. Bits are, ice shelfs are melting, well the parts where it's summer. The others are growing. That's what ice shelves do. But the satellite data (ie not the sea level measurements they tell you) shows they are roughly the same size they were decades ago. Just one example but every point they offer can be dealt with equally. I may attempt to find out why the BBC believe this news is not worthy of reporting as it's not even opinion, it's data. What will happen in 80 years however is opinion and drives their reporting even though it's impossible to be alive when it happens to find out. That's a clue why anything else they say isn't worth hearing either.

Guidance and freedom

Life is getting back to normal again although minus the regular visits to grandma. I'll admit some was out of duty and she enjoyed the visits so much but I also made the most of her while I could. Tonight was the first Tuesday for as long as I can remember when I was free (besides when she was in hospital but sometimes saw her there as well) and needed a rest full stop after a hectic few weeks working and then last week's funeral related activities. Besides the worst of the gardening (more was prevented as the hedge cutters have finally had it) and a little walk it was TV most of the day and at least plenty to watch for a change, plus two cold callers I felt a religious duty to convert to being decent people. That is not a way to earn a living or create business, it's begging in the street and in a civilised country (oh, it isn't) would be included in the same laws.

Free tomorrow as well besides one late booking (I hope, unconfirmed), various little jobs I can be doing and probably will and the rest I will see. Guidance has been apparent again, and what better indication than road signs which can't be missed? I got an email yesterday evening with two locations nowhere near me I was able to get to on the way home, and got five, including two I didn't have already. So I could relax today having covered the width of London and collected a major supply of photos. I'm hoping to get a positive to paint the one I found last week as is nearby and a lot easier than the last one as two colours and my height. I can't do the library trip tomorrow as it's closed, but is on the list.

Now as the guidance is so clear then it can't just be for road signs. Besides running out if life can be arranged that tidily then it ought to work for everything now it's started. These gaps are only temporary so far and when filled in realise it's just as much as ever. Even my own hesitations and delays can't stop the direction. If I don't want to go to a woman that's suitable then she'll come to me if all is guided. Like I was shown signs when the lights turned red the delays make you look somewhere you would have missed otherwise. And when I make wrong turns I find things there as well as if made to. So if I'm being made to not visit some woman it's either as they don't want to know and I'd be wasting my time (been there, done that for 30 years) or did want me and would make the effort to come after me and prove it.

More clues on enlightenment from Youtube's teachers, whatever the route if you stick to your meditation come what may if your mind stops then you do as well. The three legged stool of Buddhism means whichever leg you lose the ego falls down, and when the mind stops it takes the ego with it. I'll keep going. I also found out this guy lives in London and although I chose not to join his school (too much work for me thanks) still learn just as much listening to his lessons.
I have a list of ambitions, raising any area to the level (some I've had and lost and others beyond) that would make me feel better. Many things could make it happen, I've missed out on hundreds of opportunities already but at least known they could have happened. The newspaper article would have been one example and very unlikely if it hadn't led to more. Any of the women who turned me down as well. Enlightenment means peace within so no old crap can get through to you, but till then it's reality first. I do realise however I've done it I have put in enough work now to earn everything I'd like to happen. I know when I get each part, even if I have no idea what form it could come in I'll know when it does. If the signs can be sent to me then so can everything else.

Another week passes

For me it was a busy week. A few bookings and more for next week, another trip to the supermarket for grandma (no car since last year) which she thoroughly enjoyed, and a couple of photo trips in between. I suspect the old signs have more or less run out, especially any new ones not repeats, and heard nothing whether they'll write an article about me painting the old sign last weekend yet.
The Euro election results are coming out, at least when Big Brother finishes. I suspect UK Independence may not show the promise they suggested as I switched during the ads, although having it on a final fold in the betting slip (near enough) so you couldn't find it without undoing them completely. I checked the list on the wall first (as they don't always have a candidate at all) and saw they did so just kept undoing the paper till it got to number 13 on its own at the end. Why anyone choosing to vote for them wouldn't do the same I'm not sure but there were a lot of complaints. Like the Literal Democrats a few years ago who fooled a few dyslexics if nothing else.

OK, just turned over to find the BNP got an MEP in Leeds. That'll distract a few people from the real issues for a week or so before they get back to serious business (ie robbing us all). There's no room to reduce petrol tax as our wonderful prime minister has borrowed so much we'll be taxed like fucking Zimbabwe for the rest of my life. Even a new party will inherit that debt, no gold and little oil and no serious manufacturing to make it up. UKIP currently 2nd equal with 3 so a good start though, if they do well enough a few real politicians may lose their inhibitions about questioning our membership at last.

Back to my own crap, I'm free besides some bookings as mentioned, hair is cut, eyes tested and corrected and just got some more shop vouchers to use at Brent Cross. once I know what to get with them. With road signs running out after about 6 solid months something has to replace them and as they weren't planned then I don't expect any more to be ahead. I just squatted 85 kilos in the gym, 5 more from last time and my legs can clearly improve faster than anything else. I will be visiting the library again partly for advertising and partly to check out the talent as described already. I only ask out one or two women a year nowadays and even the ones who agreed pushed me away as soon as I tried anything besides one who I waited about 12 years for one little kiss. That seems to be the return rate at the moment.
I also have a phone lesson to book with the latest teacher who says any efforts to enlightenment should work, so will see what he can do. The rest will either be routine or a mystery.

It must be guided

How's this? I was wondering after a week far more like my previous life whether it meant the guidance had gone, so within a few days I read in a magazine that once we know there is guidance we have to trust it even when we think it's gone. How much more of an answer could I have had than that?

I can't remember what I mentioned last time, but must have been past the sign painting as that was on Saturday. Despite our fercuckter government committee of 1963 choosing the cheap and nasty Euro-symbols to lick the Froggie's arses in preparation to join their gambling club, I mean Common Market, the library manager told me that by adding the words 'No Entry' to the previously empty sign should actually deter more people from driving in the exit. No shit Sherlock... That Mr Worboys who did the same to our signs as Al Gore did for honesty should be sent to suffer a Greek myth style journey of our A roads trying to follow his shite signs for eternity. Especially those councils felt obliged to remove but were never replaced just when you need one. The guy was the word I'd rather not use but we all know. Enough said.

For those (I expect they exist) who feel sorry for me from the drought of females I did have a visitor today who served that particular requirement for some time ahead. If I had nothing else in life decent sex (or even average) would put a smile on my face above anything else. OK, it may have been average but I made up in quantity any other shortcomings. I think it's mainly women who love going into details (they are wired via the heart rather than the eye like men) and I normally only mention it when it hasn't happened, but this was after such a long time I didn't want anyone thinking I was still stuck for any.

Besides that I'm pretty well free, I have what would be called work/chores the next couple of days, and a possible newspaper article about painting the sign if they think it's worthy of one. It'll be about time as I really want this to have a higher profile. And if it raises mine that won't be bad either. I was reporting on a London forum recently about it and someone pointed me to a thread on a road website with all the old sign details and I said I know, I wrote it. The message is slowly being got. I'm also following another teacher, JC Mac, who says basically once you look for enlightenment you ought to get it as the teaching erodes the ego until there's not enough of it left to survive. I'm having a phone session with him soon as well so that should be interesting. I almost feel I've understood so much about what enlightenment is and how you get there I should be on the edge by now as I learn more and more about it as it's put out there, and can see pretty well what it is and how you get to it now.
Despite having no prior events which turn it from a theory to an experience I feel that I must have created a weight that is becoming too heavy to stay put and will soon have to start rolling away. And unlike ten years ago there are hundreds of newly enlightened teachers turning up, implying whatever was holding it back in the 90s when I started learning has now started to free up and the efforts are getting paid off.

As far as the new woman is concerned I've decided to pursue that myself and pay another visit, paying close attention to the ring finger situation. Getting her boss involved is not a good idea so will keep it between me and myself. She seemed like she might be a bit boring but will give her a chance just in case. The old test is whether they laugh at my bottom jokes, a very basic but successful method as it always seems to work. I just can't see her doing that somehow but if I can take her out and then get her into bed I won't worry about other details as she is pretty stunning in her own way and well worth a try if single. She needn't be marriage material for that really. I just wish someone was.

Tomorrow is also the first time I've cared about the European election (like voting for TB or cancer) simply because the UK Independence party may do well. The only commonsense in Britain I know few others share it (we wouldn't have anyone mentioning carbon emissions otherwise by now) but a good test to see how many do. Being in the EU is so fucking obviously doomed to disaster only crookery could get us in (Heath admitted lying about its powers, as I already knew and told everyone at the time). Who would join a club that cost them £40 million and got nothing for it besides losing the power to make its own laws?
Big Brother also starts, another few months of hypnotic viewing again. I almost feel like an addict now as I can't get through each day without an hour minimum on TV, and far more when live streaming. I'd love a person or two living with me as well but would still watch them as I'm nosy and find watching people fascinating.

So if guided (as in somewhere worth going to, not off a cliff) I ought to be getting more and more as time goes on. Up till now the permanent things I've got have been useful in business, and only my degree marginally useful otherwise as allows me to speak with far more authority in a world which values education than without. But I know both my own potential and life's and don't want to miss out. I did a little diagram last week that explained my situation, and discovered that besides qualifications, which even that was curtailed by having to drop my master's degree, I've never succeeded in any important area other than the smallest crumbs. No wonder I'm pissed off. Compared to the full set I've only got the leftovers in each category, just the barest amount more in each than having nothing at all. My modern colour (1978-88) train ticket collection is also complete although the proper colour ones before were the decent ones so only second prize there.

So I know exactly what I'm missing. There are then the categories of enlightenment and out of body experiences I haven't got any of at all (how many have?) but would like at least the first for the full set. Women, fame, collections, and any other top level areas have had only the scraps although fame is one hardly anyone gets at all so relatively way ahead of most but not enough to actually be known yet. But that won't get me very far if I died tomorrow would it? So that is where the guidance must be going to as otherwise there's no point in it is there?