Getting anywhere?

Back again, the closest I've got to an addiction is the combination of doing this and not going to bed in order to do it. Compared to others it's not too bad, had I been blogging each day and gone to bed at a sensible time then there'd be no health warning at all, but who's perfect?

Although things have technically gone pretty well recently- business is good, still finding lots of signs and no real problems it is boring. I gain another item but doesn't change my life or bring people into it. I am amazingly getting in touch with an ex who's free again and for reasons beyond my comprehension actually wanted to see me when my old neighbour got me involved. No predictions though, just an announcement. And being in public I do wonder who can see what, I've got to fanny around on a few other sites where the very people I'm moaning about are present. I'm not moaning here but people either like being written about or not and you don't know till it's too late.

The week ahead is not looking as exciting as it could be either. Besides more football on TV (I missed one damn good game for the photo shoot but I can watch football for the rest of my life) one probable booking tomorrow and who knows what else. I have a few photo trips, nothing worth the effort but there when I feel like it. I've spent the last two afternoons walking in the woods as the weather was sunny but bloody freezing, but got some exercise and more photos. As I said yesterday it's really about bloody time the routine was broken, and seeing other people became the norm rather than the exception. I appreciate them all now and will do even more if they're not rationed.
If I'm working tomorrow I doubt I'll go out afterwards, I've got a growing list of calls to make, especially since the calls went up am saving as many as possible till after 6pm. BT have made it 7 so at least only ripped off on non geographic calls which I can avoid to the greater extent. And Streetview's covered another mile or so around London so back on the job and found one more sign already.

I'll let the following days take care of themselves, I do believe any success I can control in the future will be from strategy and not effort. Plan in advance, see what's required and act. That's how I win many online quizzes, I don't work hard but just learn the tactics and strike at the right time and know what I'm doing. That's how real success is made, once the exams are over, and I really believe if you've shlepped your kishkes out studying for years then why carry on afterwards when you've put that effort in to gain said qualifications? I see people far better qualified than me killing themselves, not for money but more status at work. For fuck's sake dear, you've got a PhD, what do you want, to become God? Just insecurity, I'd like an MA but wouldn't keep going if I'd got one (unless offered a free course) as it was where I felt I belonged and very happy to be better qualified than nearly everyone else in the country. But academic qualifications are just that, fine to teach but you really need a profession to earn more, and that was where my effort was diverted to (I'd have preffered both but health and money dictated otherwise) and although my accounts show my profits have never broken four figures a year the TV work on my CV is priceless and the potential is pretty good as well as an opening for media work.

So as always my mind becomes organised by presenting what's confusing shit here, and gradually see a pattern forming I can work with. Deal with what's in front of me and what I can change, and stop worrying about the rest. Any more is a miracle. Which leads me to yesterday's entry which clearly displayed a complex miracle in my own life which lasted a year. So they seem part of my life, and don't believe they are rationed or based on merit (I've seen the sods who do very well in life and they wouldn't have had it been given that way). It seems neutral, an energy you attract and harness, and then you're in the flow. If we do get judged for being a right bastard with it (which I haven't since I was at school) I've yet to see it happen. And don't really care if it does as it doesn't help me if someone who stitched me up gets it back as I'd never even know most of the time.
I just want to succeed, and don't take advantage of the power as some do, as that's what the old school call black magic. It's simply gaining power and then using it against others.

I think we can all win in that respect, there is enough for everybody but for instance if you give money to the third world it nearly all gets stolen, which is why they're poor in the first place. Many countries we consider poverty stricken have more resources than here but it's all kept in a few hands. That's how people are kept poor, as there's the technology to even fertilise many deserts, as Israel did simply by planting them with trees. I see where people do the wrong thing, and am always happy to point it out or people will assume they've got away with it. The real revenge is seeing them do it as they assume they are unnoticed but as David Icke says, knowledge will set you free. I know global warming is a Mafia job, half the world do now but it'll take a heck of a long time before knowledge will convert to results as currently they're in the process of trying to hold onto their money. It can't last as with the internet the truth is there for anyone to look for.
Political correctness is a smaller version of the same thing, protecting the bad and punishing the honest. Only a way for the powerful to keep it and stop the good people winning, but it can't last.
Anyway, that's enough for one go, but plenty more where that came from.

Getting it all done

I've had another guided weekend, including my thoughts. I was at a loose end on Saturday night and did my monthly or so check for old signs posted online, and after well over an hour went to Surrey and found yet another one which turned out to be pretty easy to get to, and a very rare map type I have very few of. I was planning to go to the old subway ones I Streetviewed in Hounslow but did that today despite taking nearly as long due to major traffic. I'm now free and if no ideas tomorrow can finish my article and then print the rest to be made to a little book.

The red triangle may arrive this week and in which case should be fitted on Sunday. Another (the first) has popped up south of the Thames but 75 miles south so fuck all use to me. But gives hope as on a farm track and one of the few places they may be in Surrey if I keep looking. Not a single other plan this week, I've driven (or been driven) over 100 miles this weekend so have little need to do more, plus London has apparently given up its treasure sign wise already and am lucky Surrey still turns up more as it's not on Streetview and have to rely on local knowledge.

So I believe it's still being controlled, and the other projects are in wait mode, meaning I have (or others) set the wheels in motion and can now only forget the lot until the fruit grows. I've had loads of time to play online quizzes again now Streetview's almost done, and getting dark at 4pm, and even managed to win a few again. Otherwise it's a supermarket voucher visit, optician to try and get new lenses in my sunglasses, which needs some price shopping, and probably a trip to see if I can get a clock for my new car as it's very offputting. I have a few hours of videos to see as well when there's shit on TV in the evenings (most nights besides I'm a celebrity), and pretty happy to have a rest this week although will still be working once or twice at my late grandma's until the stuff has been removed.

The current ETA for the projects is in the few months ballpark (just thought I'd add a useless cliche) so will be doing the short term everyday stuff until anything else crops up, besides the triangle sign which is a week or two off. At least things have now become a bit more positive and have a list of ambitions which is gradually being addressed, hopefully bigger each time.

The purpose of dreams

There are a few times when things stop altogether my life can be pointed back on track by dreams. These overlap the ordinary type but contain what's more like a real person or experience designed to show me what's possible in reality. Where they come from is another story but I know now all supernatural events should be taken advantage in with no need to understand how. People used to have no choice but to live this way but now people think if they don't know it's scientific it can't exist. Well I can say different.
My own intuition is the same as everyone's except I realised fairly quickly there were things I knew I'd always known despite not having an experience of said issues yet. Like food. I can look at anything and know if I won't like it, and if some gets in by accident I'll say there's whatever it is there and it's revolting. Never tried it but always knew. Same with most women I meet. So I am now working on using this more, I've long finished studies where I needed to give references, now I can let go of all that and just go on to higher knowledge, the sort we know without learning it.

I really need inspiration as there's fuck all happening at the moment. When the peak of your life is a backward but attractive woman telling you she's got a boyfriend (after seeing you first) but is fed up with him and may keep you in reserve when she gets back from holiday in 2 months you know there is something very big missing. I'm at a stage in life where I should be using the freedom, but as it was in 1976 when I'd finished my exams early and had to wait for the next school year for A levels I had all the time, transport and no one around to share it with. I'm back there now except I'm now living alone, back then my parents were at work all day but at least came home later on, and I knew I'd be back at college in September. For the first time in ages I plan to meditate more than just weekends, and having lost my regular sex partner of about 20 years to an older man that yawning gap needs dealing with as a priority. She wasn't my type or even free, but insisted on seeing as many men as possible all her adult life whatever her status so I wasn't interfering with anything. It was my safety net which even now is the last thing to go.

Without the dreams I'd forget what I was missing and it was worth having, until it happened by chance. I'm old and wise enough to know I can't just go and get it without paying (which I don't do) but at least am in a positive frame of mind if it does find me. The week ahead is unknown, one job tomorrow and that's it. I'll be hanging round busy roads taking people next, a sure way of becoming unpopular but as total strangers who cares. Random people in the street are some of my best photos and most popular. In my daydreams a woman from the past or present will come and sort me out, just as in my other dreams, and at least of all the rest this is the only one which can happen in reality, although with a lot of work by me first. They come to me about once a decade and even then most are only accepted as they are available, I'd never have gone near them otherwise. Women rarely realise most men will accept them if they throw themselves at them as it happens so rarely they are very grateful. I've turned down a few but they were the real frights and didn't want to be put off it entirely. One I did accept put me off till I saw my girlfriend again when I got back from holiday to see they weren't all that bad. Now I know I won't be put off again by anyone but that was when I was 15.

There are some women who are clearly interested, but being American their culture allows them to show it, and location stops them from doing anything about it. All I can say is if any woman reading this who wants to come to London and offer to shag me is almost definitely going to be accepted. If I had been a woman I'd be calling my ISP tomorrow to have the cable rebooted as it had overloaded overnight. Being a man it's the old way as usual instead. And people believe in God?

Will it ever happen?

So many of my posts are about what I'd like to happen I expect some people are wondering if any ever will. Especially me. So here's a list of some and then some which have come to pass.

Firstly ever since attending a lecture in 1996 I've been told there's a thing called enlightenment. I can now just about accept this having read accounts of people on LSD who seem to be able to create it artificially. Of course if you do it naturally and it's possible then I can, especially as I've worked my way through a number of teachers to show me how.

Marriage. This is out of my hands and is far less important than simply finding a compatible sexual partner, ie one I actually want.

Fame. That is the best of my bunch, something I was determined to have all my life and on the verge now, having missed like Lee Westwood in the US Open golf last night by a hair's breadth when the article I did via interview for The Sun wasn't used. I know the rules to become famous, use them religiously, and this would have done it. Not on its own but would inevitably had started the ball rolling. I'm currently in the penumbra, or whatever the astronomers call it, just on the edge. It can't be long before someone lets me finish the job.

Finally I want to return to where I lived for 28 years, Hampstead Garden Suburb or Temple Fortune if not, just across the Finchley Road.

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I have of course in 48 years covered many ambitions already, although the time taken was at times way beyond what was planned. My degree took me till I was 24, and my final professional qualification was at 41. But I got them.
I bought my first flat at 28 and house at 32. They taught me business is the easiest, any spiritual development in between, and people the hardest. You can't herd people like you can sheep, or rely on them like you can with money. Not even your own family can be relied on at all times so basically you can't arrange a fucking thing when it comes to living with someone, who your friends are, or marriage. People who never had to try think it's mechanical. If you join a group all your problems will be solved. Bollocks. Since I left college full time in 1984 I've joined:

Psychic development groups
Meditation group
3 1/2 years of part time courses
Voluntary work in a community theatre
6 years as a volunteer counsellor, split between a youth club and community centre
5 years at a gym (ongoing)
and any more I may have forgotten.

In that time I met at all these:

One woman I saw once on a date, one more as a friend.
One woman I shared healings with.
One woman I could have met had I not met someone just after I called her.
One visit to see a fellow youth worker who may have fancied me (not mutual).
One good friend I wanted more from for many years.
Been to a couple of parties (no success).

So in all those activities which covered almost 20 years, I only gained one new friend who I wasn't even successful with the way I wanted to, and basically joined those places to do the activities, anything else was a bonus.
Prior to that before my degree I'd been to a few years evening classes in drama, 7 years art, including pottery and sculpture, 5 years horse riding, and any others I may have missed.
Not to mention all my jobs.

There I met:

Two people I was invited to about twice
One au pair who turned me down

and that I think was it. I think it was mainly the type of people, as wherever I was with people like me I met lots of people who remained friends for decades. But school and the music holiday I went to for 22 summers are over, and there's nothing to replace it. So I try and pull at funerals, cafes, people I see on TV, the internet, women in shops, and domestics who work for my family. Nothing.

My last women have actually come from the internet, a party, a blind date from Yorkshire, a blind date from Hendon and a friend's friend. Totally random. But never from groups. Not in my whole life. Forget it.
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So my business plans remain on target albeit late, totally due to lack of getting an Equity card which is a passport to success for those who can show any talent or effort. My career was also stopped by no O level maths, so no teachers training and many other professions.
The supernatural is based between experimenting and meditation and both continue but results are never predictable.
The rest is out of my hands as it always was. It's happened before but does that mean it can happen again?

My current position

I have a few little and larger possibilities on my system again, having just submitted 8 photos to Garden photographer of the year. My American TV programme is pencilled in for next month and I have various meetings with people on their way sooner or later. Meanwhile I've found a way to get the new video camera to agree with Youtube by going on long play and slowly trying longer and longer clips as I can't edit a thing once I've recorded it as there is no software included or available I know of. Plus it gets dark after 10 minutes out so little more time to take any more anyway at the moment.

The company producing the other programme have changed their phone number, ignored my emails and probably my fax so something very silly going on there. They aren't responsible for the schedule but the only ones I know who know it. Except there isn't one. Autumn is gone on Friday and certainly not on when promised after failing on their July date they advertised first. Having said that they have made the thing which I have so if they didn't do it I always can. But they are pretty unlikely to make it and not use it, I just wish they'd admit they don't have a schedule and why not so I could stop having to chase them.
Otherwise I've had plenty of time to think about my own activities and realised there's no need to do anything just because other people do or to talk about it. In economics they call it opportunity cost, if you're not doing one thing you must be doing something else, in my case furthering my media career and networking. I've built up a huge portfolio of photography and art plus meeting a few people online (so far) who may be able to help. What I did instead was not at all productive and put on 2 stone eating cake out. So I go to far fewer places but produce a lot more. And I can't see friends as the main ones aren't here and the others are minding their own business (mainly the divorce type) and kids so no time for me.

So I don't go out much but write and learn and generally produce. I would see friends more but few are left. There's no point fighting too much against your circumstances, things happen on their own and change while you are doing something else, not because you changed them. When I get my next few media results I'll have proved it was all worth it and the time I've spent either at home or out taking photos has all been in a valuable cause and none would have been possible if I'd been doing what others do or what I used to most of the time. And walking in the parks is good exercise besides the photos, So I have finally become immune to the comments/advice as I realise I'm doing what has to be done and not missing anything I should be. Plus had I never tried all those things I'd have missed out but I've probably done as much as many have in their lifetimes and looking for something else now. It's all about being with the right people (which I'm not) and making the most of your talents, which I am. Eventually that'll pay off and probably help the social life as well. But that is a long and slow process but well worth it if it works.