Working it out.

My latest theory- the more people do the less time they have to blog, so unless you're a born writer like me I think you're going to find many people blog as they have too much time on their hands. Maybe I'm wrong. I had plenty today, just before I was going to leave I had the call the builders couldn't work as it was raining so with maybe an hour of light left had to think what I could get to I hadn't done already (five years with the digital camera) and realised I can make videos anywhere, and did a quick circle to Wembley Park. I then dropped in at the Co Op and as luck would have it the resident comedian actually liked the idea of being filmed so ended up with him as well. He's been entertaining customers longer than I've lived here this time round, although I remember when the counter was the bank and the tills were somewhere else. So for the third day running I'm meant to be meeting the builders tomorrow and working in the evening.

Thank goodness the Falun Gong originally in a book is now online so I can do all the exercises properly and easily, as you can't turn pages while learning them as well. It's one more thing to do and work on and may do as much or more than anything else I try. Meanwhile we've been put in the ridiculous position of being told something will happen within a few months (randomly) with the Wikileaks ufo reports, but not when exactly. The speculation is growing and with the poor bloke being locked up without charge (remember this is Britain, not Cuba or China, so can now see how little difference there is when pushed) makes me worry that his organisation will follow, and possibly before the only possibly valuable item has been released. Do they really need to flood the media with what is now considered meaningless and irrelevent unfiltered guff the media have now quite rightly stopped reporting while he's already said he's got something people actually do want to know. I carry on with business as normal as no alternative but is a bit of a mess.

Regarding the earlier comment about changing thinking, as usual when faced with what can only be interpreted as a cliche, I've worked out that our thinking is nearly all based on information. The only way that can improve is when we know enough to understand what's going on. The only faulty thinking besides a few easily identified bad habits is based simply on not having the information to know what you need to so naturally worrying about it as a result. Blaming the wrong people (especially yourself) or blowing up the possible chances of disaster a millionfold (my personal favourite) would instantly vanish should we know the truth. That's not a fault with the person or how they think, it is just not possible to know what they need to to relax. That includes what is and isn't possible and what does and doesn't work. Meeting women for instance. Outsiders happily assume you can meet a woman simply by doing something about it. What actually happens is you can share a room with women in almost infinite ways, but one where they are right for you and single is down to no more than chance. Using dating sites normally eliminates the majority who are not single but as for quality forget it. Just one example. I've been analysing this stuff as long as I remember, more or less bagged the business side in my 20s which I've proved in reality since, but the pleasure side isn't within our direct control. Meditation is the only indirect method without poisoning yourself with drugs, as all others require other people who we can't control, let alone trying to improve how we feel directly which is the same as trying to lift ourselves off the ground by our own shoelaces. That's not faulty thinking not to try, but to think it can be done.

No magic formulas then, I've spent time and money checking for 20 odd years, some work once quickly for a short time (hours maximum) but like drugs try again and mysteriously nothing happens. With meditation the key is only persistence, and quite possibly using a few methods at once attacks from different directions as well. Add to that some teachers say do nothing, just by listening to them it'll happen naturally, contrasted with others who can have you chanting and breathing odd ways all day long. In the end enlightenment comes to people who simply pursue it and unless stick with one teacher from start to finish (many who do get nothing as well) can't even tell what did it or not. But that's separate from real life as you don't really see the benefit till you're almost there, and have to deal with everything else till that happens just as you were before. You can't cheat the mind, it is always stronger so the only way to win is to move your awareness beyond its effect. You can try every trick in the book to wrongfoot it but it's our master if we pay it any attention at all, so better to leave it to its own devices, be aware of them, and expect little better from it. Once you become the master then it won't matter how many habits it has, it will only be used to organise your life and no longer rule it.

As my friend says (as I can't take credit if not me), we didn't design our minds, and all the reactions and thoughts come like the weather, we can only decide whether to act on them or not. You can't do a damn thing with the feelings (anyone who tells me they can and how can go and swap Al Gore and Barack Obama's Nobel prizes for themself as they'd deserve two at least) and till then STFU. If not then if you feel good you're lucky, not clever. Everyone else is not, end of. Nothing overlooked or avoided.

Getting the point

Firstly an update on my advice to change. It takes general advice some time to sink in but it usually does, and having looked at my situation firstly I realised you only work on one area at a time, and that area has to be finding a local friend. In the past I'd never needed to actively look for a friend as they were around all my life, so no idea how it'll happen, but I've aimed in that direction and will see what follows.

Otherwise I've seen the not a date woman again, and sadly unless her mental issues are sorted out (unlikely after 20 years) we're both buggered as she won't be any use to herself or any man if she's constantly being persecuted in her mind. At least I know but typical of how only the damaged goods remain, while the others have a three day window or so when they're single once in a blue moon and then taken again. That's like winning the pools (who remembers them?) so not really within consideration.
So there's really no system as yet, but as I've discovered my life is guided then it still must be. I've learnt how intuition is above science as that actually tests and drives the greatest inventions, and many weren't even made by scientists, they back engineered them to see how they worked but didn't have the ability to work them out from scratch. This also leads the detective work as just sensing something is wrong or real makes you seek it out. You can't demonstrate it to a scientist but once you've tested it a few times and realised it was right then it became a trusted guide above all others.

Of course intuition works better outwards than inwards, so still barely able to apply it to my own life or I'd be a succcess in everything, but it writes my articles and does my work for me as well as discovers many things about the world and people in it. There are good and bad people, some change but usually to being good than vice versa, although rare. I can spot both now often in minutes and some who are good and act bad are overlooked as I can see it's not from the heart. Others want proof and you wait till someone steals something or ends up in court but may take years. But I see it straight away. It stands out a mile for many criminals, and would trust many of the good people I've only met online as you can tell from very little once you can.

Back to the guidance, a month today I may be a published author. I've had ambitions all my life and still quite a few to be fulfilled. Some are but have no effect, others are only steps to the ultimate level, but all count. This isn't a national paper just yet, but a major landmark. I've had a magazine article about me but not one I've written so far in the public area anyway. I know getting bored doesn't come into it as some things are being set up in the background, and while they are (especially if I'm not aware of it) life gets boring. Looking back things either just fell into place, or put incredible effort into making them happen. The effort is direct in business but for pleasure almost pointless. The best you can do is find what's going on and if you like it then go there. It may be shit but it may get you what you want sooner or later. But besides going out on the pull at weekends there is little else you can do besides following your interests which we all do anyway, and the rest is from outside. It's time for some grace here (unearned gifts) as it must be my decadal turn by now...

No change

Having had time to think about it, I think people learn new tricks but don't actually change. They can try, discover a particular fault and work to fix it, but sooner or later the rubber will bounce back as that's who we are. We didn't choose it, we didn't design it and it's not our job to do any more than manage the worst of it through tricks. We can't change the feelings which drive these acts, just not act on them. That's who we are. I feel the same now as I first remember nearly 50 years ago. That's me, I feel like me and I always have. I've tested it on me, I've tested it on others and I don't think it's fair or realistic to expect anyone to become different other than by maturing and not acting on their lower drives.
So I'm happy to drop the bugs but they're not changing me, they're just spotting mistakes and correcting them. I'm no different, and my reactions are no different from trying to change what's happening in a TV programme we're watching. That script has been written and only the audience can decide to laugh or cry.

Otherwise it's a quiet time, the usual sort of possibilities, some closer than others, a 'non date' on Thursday (all I have at the moment, woman, no action) and the rest is in the future. All this heavy stuff on personal development is beyond the pale unless the person makes a decision help is required, and as doctors can see if they need one I can see I don't, that work has been done over the last 30 years or so and however many rough edges are left it's chance if the odd one is worn off by an observer or left to become like my grandpa after having a stroke left him with few inhibitions. I think all I'd do was laugh at farts more and talk about myself with little restraint. I'd probably be ruder online but only because people seem to find it easy here where they probably never would in the real world. That's not personality but a bad habit so can be stopped when picked up. Now powder my nose and call me Shirley but I can't see how being lonely is a character flaw as accused of earlier. Besides my pathological anxiety (I have a certificate to prove it) there's nothing at all wrong with me, and complaining that one by one all the people close to me have gone until only my parents are left then it's hardly my doing. I did nothing to get these people in my life so have no direct way to add more. They just attach themselves to you if not related as and when you come across them, and stay until they go. Effort was never a factor, my friends were either from school, my parent's friends' children or from my annual holiday. They began vanishing when they got married one by one besides one, and the rest readjusted their radar to people like them.

So I'm in a gap, a drought, most people I see are the only ones left, but none left from the old life more than once a year or so. If I share that with people it's no different from sharing a hernia, a bereavement or which tablets I've been prescribed. If you're reporting good circumstances it makes you no more strong person than reporting bad ones a weak one. It's just weather. In my case climate but as we all know, climate changes. And that's not man made either whatever they try and tell you.
I can either fill the gap with anyone I can find, like eating bogies or picking up fagends from the gutter, or manage without as nothing is better than the wrong stuff I can tell you. The average ones are better than nothing, like space rations, but no one wants to live of freeze dried food and tablets forever. Is this a character fault by describing what's now an 18 year reality more or less? If not then am I missing anything I could do about it? It's like studying as I've said before, quality not quantity. Going out and looking or online is the equivalent of reading your books all day with little or no direction. If there was anywhere specific, like your best potential essay, I'd exploit it, but social life isn't as clear cut as an exam course.

I've still got a few good years left in me, it can change, droughts end with or without rain dances, and will without the rain dance, and as such there's no need for me to do one. The best I do is look up people I know already as at least I know exactly what I'm getting. As I've known so many once you exclude the many moved away you have a few locally and if lucky I only really need to get back with one or two to fill the gaps. And despite a financial shortfall I may still try and move when my grandma's house is sold and will fill the money gap with a well chosen tenant. I'll be making far less money than now as most will have gone on the house, but I'm good at making a little go a long way. Plus the area is far more civilised and likely to meet people old and new as it's where I grew up and since. That's the best way I know and will cost me all my money to do so at great financial risk. But why not improve your life while you can and just trust your wits to eat beans for a year or two and not use the car very much? I could even drop Sky TV as long as I have the internet, so have a few areas to cut just like the present government. But that is ahead, and can't happen for some time, till then it's carry on as usual and hope for more, and think I've chucked out the idea that in some way I'm personally responsible for this out of the window. Unless you know different?

A bit more information

There are two types of criticism, informed and judgemental. Now my anonymous reader who loves to stand back and feel superior by reflected comparison is clearly of the second type, and had he the brains to understand eccentricity, instead of like common people throughout the ages condemn it, none of what I write would go straight over his head. I say he, but being anon I should really say it but it doesn't read well.

A little about phobias for those who do want to know, agoraphobia and claustrophobia are both misunderstood and actually the same thing. Agoraphobia is the fear of leaving home and claustrophobia is the result once you've left there. Taking photos is open ended, meaning I go and come back when I feel like it. The exact opposite of a job.

Now I've got that out of the way, there's little else to report, but continue wishing nothing less than serious illness on anon simply as it's the only way he'll learn the truth, as he refuses to listen to those who know. Their choice and can reform in time to avoid such fate.

I can't really follow that.