Friday

Having attempted to go as far as the nearest shops but rained each time I thought about it, I will wait. I just did my 3rd video blog, and heard from Sky TV who sent a cryptic message saying the programme was made for 'mobile devices'. What? It's going straight to MP3? Do me a lemon... What's the point of these poor sods (OK, they actually got paid for it unlike me) shlepping around the country for weeks to be shown on some chav's mobile? What a bunch of arse. I just sent an email to ask which mobile devices he was referring to and whether one actually included a satellite receiver. I await the final verdict with mild trepidation as this is all you expect from TV companies and was lucky my first effort was shown.

Otherwise it's the Big Brother final tonight so my evening is fixed. The last business email I was waiting for hasn't arrived which is holding another project back, and the rest is as yesterday more or less. The week was totally predictable as I doubt there are any variable elements left here now. It's not as if a woman who saw me as attractive as something a dog left behind would suddenly change her mind and offer her body to me. I did get a little rare financial bonus so something's slightly less of a problem than it was before. But socially it's as it is and remains to be so. I use the time however feels right between work, and there are few better alternatives left. Even if I had the mental and physical energy the only extra I'd do is go back to football at Barnet, I used to go a lot, then they were relegated so I travelled all over the place to see other teams, and now they've been in the league a year and my health hasn't permitted me risking 2 hours in a confined space. Pills or no pills.

My video blogs, whatever the quality, are not, like all the others, getting viewed. So though I'm on number three it won't be my route to fame. And possibly not Sky TV either if the programme isn't for TV after all. The third programme I made will probably be on next year but not seen by many people here. All outside my control. I despair to think of anything else. Technically there really isn't anything wrong, but as there's nothing right the default feeling is still wrong. That has to be changed but not a lot I can do about it. I looked for an escape in the supernatural and all I found was infinite clairvoyance potential, but barely used by most people including me. It's not that useful so far as even when you know something before you've been told you can't do a lot about it. All other powers I can think of are pretty difficult to perform, if not impossible. So that doesn't seem the way out. So it's back to the TV soon and I'll sign off before I embarrass myself.