Space, the final frontier

It’s a strange situation here when there’s absolutely nothing left. No plans or achievements, and absolutely nothing left on my imaginary system to look forward to. But having a future system is no different from the news speculating on global warming or a stock market crash. If there’s the slightest chance of predicting the future it’s human nature to imagine we can. No fucking way Jose. British house buying is the best example I know. Until you exchange contracts there’s a big chance it’ll fall through, and the same with every project. Mine have. I haven’t actually failed them all, the first woman intends to return and possibly by the time the Antarctic has melted we’ll have taken it to the next level. She said be patient, and it means I may finally get what I want by the time I’m not a pensioner. I say that as despite reaching whatever pensionable age it is then (a lot more than 65) I didn’t have a proper job for very long so won’t get one. But you get my drift, at that time or thereabouts I may actually get it together and then probably be so old I’ll cark it from the shock. Wait 70 years for a decent seeing to and die happy a day later. Perfect unhappy ending.

But it isn’t all doom and gloom. You can feel happy with no reason, it is I believe our natural state. So as I have no stress right now I’m OK. You can’t be attached to it so it may not last, but right now I am. I’m also reading a book on how to maintain it, so anything may be possible independent of the yawning vacuum of actual successes. Business and pleasure, they all evaporate like gold amassed in a dream on waking up. There’s no substance in anything in the future and if anything good does happen it’s usually just here without warning. Nursing and developing women in particular rarely works. If they don’t show a clear interest after a couple of meetings any tricks or plans won’t create that interest. They are only interested either in your personality or your professional assets and are screwing some half witted male bimbo while using me for intellectual activity.
So with another week ahead and possibly another woman eliminated from enquiries like spitting out a bug that accidentally got in your mouth, I have a list of more photos and a video to take. Besides having exhausted my small list of possibles, one which contained some of the greatest possible life changing assets since my degree, I am still here and back to an average life as not a celebrity and pathologically single. There aren’t any others left behind the supernatural and enlightenment and they are either real or not whatever I do. My system contained a step up to half being famous, which realistically may never come my way now unless I put myself out beyond my current abilities to do so. Even if I could it never got me anywhere before now so may not be possible however much effort I put into it.

Having memories of life as it could be I have that to aim for as a preference, but no practical route. I know by travelling it follows me wherever I go so that’s no answer, and as the gurus know enlightenment only takes place here and now. If you wait like a spider in its web all can come to you one way or another, and running after success usually makes it run even faster. I’ve proved yet again with all the organisation in the world I can’t get fame or a woman. Or much else besides exam passes which I’m glad to say are not part of my world any more. Jobs as well of course. Apply till you’ve got callouses on your fingers from grovelling and if they don’t want you you remain unemployed. After aiming for the middle and getting the bottom of the ladder I continued applying for similar jobs as working anywhere 5 years implies it’s both tolerable and profitable. I applied for hundreds of similar which I could (and have at times) do in my sleep. I have been forcibly made unemployable, at least apparently to allow me to get on with what I’m supposed to be doing and not be bothered with wasting time sorting out someone else’s tangles caused by not wanting to run their business properly. “Call this person to explain why I want more credit” etc., you get the picture. Cynical practices which guarantee all but the best small businesses they are supplied by get into trouble. Anyway, unscrupulous, buying job lots and selling at markups 40 times the cost price, not paying suppliers till the heavies come round and similar is the way most of my bosses run the business and they leave me as the front man to take the flak. Is that something to make you proud as you have a job? Just do anything rather than god forbid be unemployed? I tried for years and was even offered a well paid job on the till and counter of a café but it was 30 miles away and I had to decline when I couldn’t stay near enough. 6 years of college, 3 full and 3 part time to sell scones. But if I was happy to do so I would have done it at the time had it been local.

So, back to a desert. No fame, no woman and no plans for either again. It can only stay exactly the same…