Inner and outer peace

Manna from heaven or bird shit falling from the sky? You want excitement, but though major good news appears maybe every few years there's no ration on bad. That's the nature of life. Few outside the east teach it and I learnt it by experience. The trouble is once you know you have to make a strategy that incorporates that fact and no longer live relying on anything good coming from outside. Instead you must realise the balance will always be against you, and when the bullets hit learn to rise above it all. It's all about maintaining your inner peace and not being swayed up or down by what comes in randomly from outside.

I say this as my final lesson came today (that may be good news in itself- nothing more to learn) when I had 3 messages, one awful, one potentially awful and one good. Typical ratio. I realised once the let down and crisis had passed that that will happen the rest of my life so why be affected by it? Just like in being proud of your achievements if youfail as you will then feel bad for your failures, which by nature will always be more, it's better to do your best and not be affected either way. It's not worth the downside as you'll feel great for doing something major one day, and then shit for not being able to do it another. The failures always win as they are easier and the default is always nothing, so why play the game? Don't listen to me, I'm quoting Buddha and he got it right long before Jesus was around. I just had to get there my own route.

The really bad news only had a tiny benefit. I won't be seen on TV by half a million people, it's been axed. The lesson is if I ever do become famous it'll never be taken for granted or seen as easy as this step was my first and possibly only chance to it. Being on an obscure cable channel even a few times or more makes barely a dent in your profile. One minute on mass TV and you're almost made. Well not for me now. No idea what went wrong and despite the programme being made it's unlikely to ever be shown now they've pulled it.

I imagined for months I was getting my break but there's no break now and am forced to never again look ahead, only do what I'm doing now and ignore the future. Even if I'd been given a day for a showing there's a tiny chance I wouldn't even be in it, so better to forget all possibilities as many never materialise. I am being apparently forced towards sainthood. I have literally been sent as many ordeals as a person can get, besides fatal illness. Of course unless I'm killed by other means then that's coming my way eventually but of course no need to dwell on.
Technically I guessed something was up. This week was way too clear and free to be real. I saw my diary yesterday and from experience thought 'It's such an easy week something's got to come along and fuck it up, I'm not living in paradise', and sure enough it did. But there was a lesson in it and I don't believe there are any more. If you intend to rise above it all (bad and good) there's nothing left to do but practice. You may not do that well at it but have the rest of your life as there's no other path.

It is strange so few people suffer in life as I clearly have. Many share similar circumstances and some far worse individual ordeals than me. It's not a competition but I feel singled out, partly as I know most people as I said before can't process these ordeals and I try automatically. I know I use the fruits of them to help my own clients but besides the current resolution to take my eye off the reality hasn't got me very much if anything besides understanding. As Nick Roach says, you can be an expert on skateboarding theory but will still fall off the first time you try. I'm certainly (no false modesty here) an expert on life, but only in theory. My own is one few would care to swap with, even if they've got awful jobs or worse houses as my whole package is much like a prison. All the basics, none of the frills and no women. Pardon me for complaining but subtract a TV appearance and this one's left with nothing besides a few material possessions and a family which is the equivalent of the prisoner surviving for life on bread and water. They may not need much more but would probably prefer it.