Is there anybody there?

Nowadays I sometimes feel more like a medium when writing this as I can't be sure anyone can hear me. 14823 is the count as I write, though I think that silly counter records page views, though usually everything people need is on page 1 so should be enough. Well in case anyone read the last couple, I did start tidying my desk, and despite throwing out a few piles of paper it looks exactly the same. More to do clearly. I don't think I found anything besides an old pen that's dried up so no surprises either.
Today kept me occupied, the appointment was delayed by an hour so I sent the accounts packing first and then spent another free stationery voucher, my 4th now. Very odd. Besides a health food shop who have given a christmas bag of about £50 of free stuff the last few years I know of no other shop that does this, and they appear to still make a profit. I got another notebook (I can never have too many), some glue, a purple container and lots of rubbish bags (see comment about notebooks). Too late for photos by then and unless an arrangement materialises tomorrow I don't want I'll do it then, and then England v Andorra on Sky, the only way I can watch it since my friend with it elft the country and I had to pay myself.

I have reached the leaving the medical advice route as the last 3 times I stopped the ear medication after a week it came back. Now I can only think the alternative can be no worse than a return of the problem and will keep it going a few more days. Then call the doctor if I have to. However minor these all add up and slow me down once one goes.
Beyond that I don't know. I never do really anymore. But one thing I know is if I was in a family of any description I'd still do all this. I may have a bit less time to but would have more to write about.

Unless I stop now the rest will be from my subconscious as there's nothing left in my conscious now. Looking back I have been through every method of philosophy and spiritual practice to test their limits. I am left with a small selection of remaining routes and having eliminated many at least I'm not stuck with nothing yet. Partly from necessity it seems to have been my duty to do this, not even for anyone else's benefit as I've never come across anyone who really needs this work for themselves, it only seems to relate to my own situation. I can't help communicating useful information but doubt even if I found anything people would be the slightest bit interested as most are happy as they are. And even if they ask what worked for me may not work for other people so better to break a lifetime's habit and get on with anything I may find myself. If, that is, I find anything.

If people realised some of my greatest wishes are things 90% of the world take for granted they'd realise the value of them themselves. Having other people's writing on my paper. Besides the fascinating phone messages from my final tenant in 1996 all I have are a few notes from my work when people have written hypnosis scripts for me. Let alone other people's things. Normally if someone doesn't live in a house they rarely keep things in it. Makes sense. We have kept stuff for foreign visitors who were in a small place with no extra room, but I actually have no room for my own things should imaginary foreigner arrive with too many bags tomorrow anyway. The day I arrived at my first flat in 1998 I realised for the first time in my life no one else's things were there, and besides various tenants who rarely left things outside their own rooms and sometimes the kitchen that was it. It means something to me but most people in shared houses take these things for granted. Wait till someone dies and you're the last there. Their things will be there but not them. That has happened to most of my family and the things suddenly become yours not theirs and there is no person attached to them. I haven't even got that. Living alone is probably the quickest route to neurosis and more than any other way I can think of. I used to think it was working but life is full of work even if you don't have a job. Running a house is work, as are many of the chores you have to do that aren't paid for. They may not be timetabled but no less stress.

So considering the circumstances I do pretty well as however grim it gets I rarely do more than come here and moan about it. Better than an overdose in anyone's terms.